Alicia Landeen 10/12/2017 FHS 2400 Marriage and family U4E1 Active listening/conflict resolution

Question:
One of the best things that a person can have in their relationship toolkit is the ability to
resolve conflicts through effective communication. Review the section entitled Positive
Communication Strategies and try using them in a conversation with a loved one. You may
teach the strategies to your partner before the conversation. The conversation should last for at
least 5 to 10 minutes. In your paper, describe your relationship with your partner, the topic of
the discussion and your reaction to the conversation. Interview your partner and get their
reaction as well. What skills were most helpful?

Answer: Word count:603

When I first reviewed the Positive Communication Strategies section, I thought to

myself Really? I have to repeat exactly what he said? It all seemed a little over the top. I

remembered, when I was serving a church service mission, they had us undertake a similar

strategy called companionship inventory. During companionship inventory we would share

goals, ask for their help to accomplish goals, discuss strengths and weaknesses of the

companionship, resolve conflicts, share strengths that your companion has, and ask how you can

improve. I always believed it to be a really long process that in the long run helped, but thought

it could be shorter. So, I decided to give the Positive Communication Strategies a try, because

it seemed like it would take less time.

The discussion that took place had three stages that are part of the Positive

Communication Strategies: mirror stage, validation stage and empathy stage. The mirror stage

had one partner state a concern in short segments and the other partner would repeat what was

said to see if they understood correctly. If the concern was miscommunicated, the partner with

the concern would discuss it again and the other would repeat what was said. One would

continue this process until the concern was properly understood. At first, I thought the mirror

stage was unnecessary and a waste of time, but as my husband and I completed this stage I
realized how much it helped. I realized I was not the best at explaining my concern, which made

it difficult for my husband to understand, which led to miscommunication. The mirror effect

helped prevent miscommunication up front so that we knew we understood each other.

The second stage was validation. Basically, one would validate the others concern as

legitimate, even if they disagreed. If one did disagree, they were to try to look at it from the

others perspective. The first time we went through this stage my husband realized that he tends

to do this stage in his head and forget about it all together. He recognized that, even though he

was validated, I wasnt because the concern or problem wasnt discussed.

The third stage was the empathy stage. The partner listening to the concern would empathize

with the other as to how they were feeling. If they understood the wrong feelings then they

would repeat the mirror stage. Once all was understood they were to ask if there were additional

concerns which needed to be discussed. This stage made the process complete and full. Neither

partner went away confused or belittled.

After we had completed the strategy my husband concluded I think this assignment was

very well timed. There were things that needed to be discussed and having to do it for the

assignment gave us both the courage to bring those things up. I know that I felt relieved

afterwards, and I hope to be able to continue to discuss things in the future in the same way.

During the day, before we started this assignment, there were some prominent issues that

we both knew needed to be discussed, but were not. I was frustrated with my husband and

myself. In order to find some distraction, I looked up what essay topics I should choose from. I

also agree that this assignment was very well timed. Although, at first, I believed this experiment

was redundant it helped exponentially in the long run. I strongly urge other partners to use this
strategy to improve their relationship. Even though it may seem like nothing needs to be

discussed, there may be problems or concerns lurking beneath the surface.

References:

Strong, B, & Cohen, T. F. (2017). The Marriage and Family Experience: Intimate Relationships

in a Changing Society (13th ed.). pg. 251-254