8/13/2017 How Much Can You Change About Yourself?

| Girls Chase

How Much Can You Change About Yourself?

By Varoon Rajah

Some parts of ourselves, both mental and physical, are immutable. Exactly how much of ourselves (and what parts) can we actually change?

I was recently asked a very interesting question regarding human behavior and nature versus nurture. I myself ponder issues like this quite often, as I'm sure
many Girls Chase readers do.

How much of who I am today was determined at birth? To what extent did culture, locale,
Contents
parenting, etc. in uence who I turned out to be? What aspects of my current self are the result
1. Factors Outside Your Control of free will? Can attempting to change certain things about myself put me at odds with my
2. Factors Within Your Control nature and actually be detrimental to my well-being?

3. Your Desire is Relative These are interesting questions that I love to explore for both men and for women. Most notably,
are we truly ourselves, and can we change ourselves?
4. Chemical Personality Types
The truth of this matter is a rather convoluted mix of YES and NO. We are simultaneously human
5. People Do Not Like Change
beings with immense control over our destiny but also little to no control over our destiny.
6. Why Bother to Change?
Lets explore!

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YOUR BACKGROUND, GENETICS, AND WORLDLY CIRCUMSTANCES ARE OUT OF YOUR CONTROL
It is true that a huge part of who we are as human beings results from the circumstances of our birth. We have little control over quite a few aspects of our human
experience. Already a subscriber?Signin here

Notover
Heres a short list of things a subscriber?
which you have no control whatsoever:
G E T U N L
Your background I Mthe
I T Esociety
D A C CinE which
S S T Oyou
D AY !
were born and raised
Your appearance skin color, race, and your baseline physical attractiveness
Your place of birth

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8/13/2017 How Much Can You Change About Yourself? | Girls Chase
Your family
Your parents
How your parents raised you
Whether you have siblings or not and your relative position among them
Your brain chemistry your hardwired personality disposition
Your height
Your bodys genetic predispositions

So Ive laid it out for you unless youre willing to pay big time (plastic surgery, etc.), few of these things are truly changeable.

Theres a whole other element here, too: the world as it pertains to others around you. Heres a few other things that are (almost) completely out of your control:

Your physical attractiveness as viewed by another particular person its either there or it isnt

What another person is thinking in any moment and what they are thinking about YOU

How another person feels emotionally in any moment sometimes we have the power to in uence, other times we dont

A persons inner biases and inner judge

Assumptions other people make about you again, sometimes we have the power to impact this, and other times we dont

The external circumstances that affect the world politics, wars, current events, and ultimately other peoples beliefs, which are in uenced by such things.
We do have SOME control over these in the sense that we can choose to move and live where we like

Now we see that there are things within us that are totally out of our control, as well as externalities that we cannot dictate. How does one deal with such things?
Quite simple, really. Understand them, accept them, and then move on.

The good part is that these conditions are not unique to any one individual; every single human being faces them. None of us are perfect; we all have inherent
strengths and weaknesses. Rather than ght the tide against them, be introspective and learn to work with what youve got. That means maximizing pleasure and
opportunity for your strengths and minimizing exposure to things that show your weaknesses.

The sooner you accept your limitations and background which involves understanding personal strengths and weaknesses the sooner you can develop your
life in a way that takes advantage of your strengths and minimizes weakness.

The sooner you accept that other people are going to be and feel the way theyre going to be and feel, and you accept that you are not fully in control, the sooner
you gain the peace of mind of understanding these things.

In fact, understanding your own strengths and weaknesses is immensely attractive to others, since ultimately it means you have accepted yourself for who you are,
and you can thus enjoy life and bring value to others rather than being stuck in your own shit.

YOUR MENTAL MODELS, THOUGHTS, CHARACTER, AND REACTION TO OPPORTUNITY ARE WITHIN YOUR
CONTROL
Now that Ive covered some of the things that are out of a persons control (I am sure there are more, so feel free to add some in the comments), lets go over what
a man actually CAN change and mold over time.

Remember that learning to get girls and improve your romantic life is a skill, as are things like earning money, creating a career, choosing where to live (after
reaching a certain age, this is easy), and more.

These are of course mostly external conditions, so theres an even bigger element here: what can we change internally that affects our external conditions?

We are gifted with both the power of emotion and the power of thought. We actually have a relatively HUGE amount of control over our own destinies.

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Despite the xed aspects of yourself, there remains a great deal you can affect.

Heres a quick list of things you DO have power over regardless of what anyone else tells you (especially the devious be yourself crowd):

Your thoughts
Your focus in the moment
Your belief system
Your attitude
Your con dence
Your style and image
Your expressions a result of the right thoughts
Your mental models
Your presence

Already within these are major human skills. Throughout history, all of the worlds most successful humans have harbored some or all of these traits. The beauty of
being human is our ability to cultivate ourselves according to our desires and the opportunities available to us. The choices we make when presented with
opportunities re ect our growth.

For instance, when faced with an obstacle, you are able to choose to grow and rise above it or sit on your ass and complain about it. Maybe you desire to start
dating hot, blonde women because it has been a fantasy of yours for some time. Well, you can choose to set aside a few hours each week to go meet women and
become accustomed to being around hot, blonde women (which could even mean moving to an area in the world where they are plentiful and abundant), or you
can choose to sit on your ass at home and watch TV.

YOUR DESIRE IS RELATIVE

An even bigger element is that of desire what we want. Desire is a constant element within the human experience. Every human wants certain things whether in
the short or long term. Some of us want a better job, more money, to travel, to live in a certain city, or to have a particular experience.

Men and women in relationships sometimes desire or imagine what it would be like to be single. Some single men and women desire and dream about being
in relationships. The list here is endless.

Heres some basic elements of desire:

Desire is never static it often exists until it is ful lled, and then we move on from that desire

Our desires change over time

Our desires morph when we get or dont get what we seek

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There is also unhealthy desire sometimes these can be considered disorders. Usually these show up as addictions, including powermongering, greed, etc.

One of the best things Ive heard recently, when talking to someone I met in an airport, was to follow the opportunity in addition to your desire. Whether in
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business, your career, or romance, opportunities come up, and we have to pick up on these and use them to the best of our ability. You may have a desire to be in a
relationship in the long term,
Not abut the opportunity of the moment is that cute girl over there who looked at you for ve seconds before looking down at her phone.
subscriber?
It is importantGnot
E T to
U Nproject
L I M I Tthe
E D desire
A C C Eonto
S S Tthe
O Dopportunity.
AY ! Instead, treat the opportunity openly, and follow through. Desires do often align with opportunities. We
can have desires and trust that the opportunities will appear to ful ll them if we move ourselves in the generally-right direction.

RECAP ON HELEN FISHERS PERSONALITY TYPES

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RECAP ON HELEN FISHERS PERSONALITY TYPES

I still nd that this overall holds true; the balance of chemicals in your brain does dictate and direct your behavior to a certain degree, especially when rooted in
desire. My review of Helen Fishers book, Why Him? Why Her?, covers this in depth. Just to quickly review....

Character traits by chemical:

Four character types and associated traits.

Though every human harbors primarily one of these four, two of these are typically most dominant. See if you can identify yourself based on your behavior what
you actually do and feel, not what you desire to feel. We have xed chemistry, which shapes our behavior and choices every single day.

Men and women together are thus predisposed to certain behaviors, needs, and wants. These characteristics are the real you. In this way, being yourself does not
mean simply staying static, as is the common thought. Instead, you are in fact living out your fullest potential by engaging and excelling in (healthy) things that are
to be enjoyed.

Being yourself your best self by this de nition, is done by constant expansion of ability and of mind. To do less is to settle or to be lazy (being yourself but not
your best self).

Thus, by constant self-improvement and mission execution (based on self-knowledge), we are aligning closer and closer to our truest self than at any other
moment. Those folks who like to be themselves by not engaging in any kind of growth they are not even living. All truly successful humans engage in near
constant self-development; for example, Einstein, Picasso, Gandhi, Roosevelt, Ben Franklin, Elon Musk, to name a few.

These people are so attractive and world famous because they became aligned with their natures and grew their talents correspondingly, insomuch that they
changed the world.

So it is with the worlds truly great lovers they love women freely!

PEOPLE GENERALLY DONT LIKE CHANGE

Since everyone has their own inherent strengths and weaknesses, the more you align with your strengths and the more you lessen the impact of your weaknesses,
the more you grow into yourself. Effectively, through growth, you actually become the ultimate person you were meant to be. Through growth and change, you can
effectively be yourself your BEST self!

Now, Ive just

Youbusted down1 what
haveJust be yourself
Free Articleleft really
this means in this context. But to make it even more clear, I think a better term is growing into yourself, because in
month.
our society, to be yourself typically means to do absolutely nothing.

Just be yourself.
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It wasnt meant to be.
Not a subscriber?
Youll nd someone.
G E T U N L I M I T E D A C C E S S T O D AY !
Dont hold back.

Why do you hear the mantra be yourself so much?

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8/13/2017 How Much Can You Change About Yourself? | Girls Chase
Why do some people refuse to understand things despite how much evidence you shove in their face?

Whether its about climate change, political stances, women and romance, one thing remains true: people dont want to change.

Why?

Because change is di cult.

Change requires breaking habits and mental models, and it sometimes requires fundamentally altering your character. Those things require you to change the way
you think, which then asserts as a different lifestyle.

What usually causes real change for the vast majority of people is excessive pain of some kind, which shows up in lots of different ways.

Jealousy
Boredom
Anger
Hurt
Violence
Fear

Such emotions instigate a unique human response. When there is no pleasure remaining and emotions swing the other way, we wish to leave those situations. But
not everyone, of course; some people like to ruminate in certain feelings, and others nd the effort too di cult to warrant the potential gains because theyre
happy with things as they already are.

WHY BOTHER WITH CHARACTER CHANGE?

Youre born with so many things you cant control. There are so many limitations. Its against your ego and your own urges to change, because comfort is exactly
that its comfortable.

To change, you must let go.

Sometimes youve got to make tough choices. Do I stay connected with these friends? Do I stay in the same job or city Ive been in for what feels like a long time?
Should I stay in a relationship with a girl I love, even though it might be bad for me long term? Should I get into an exclusive relationship right now, when I havent
solidi ed some gains I desired from the pursuit of a girlfriend?

Ive been at the receiving end and the initiating end with these its hard to adjust to new things and places.

I dont advocate burning connections. Even with women, I aim to leave things on a positive note and stay connected if she desires to do so. That being said, some
things can be extremely toxic to ones growth, and its important to pinpoint these while continuing to grow.

What I do advocate for (always) is to never settle for just being yourself as society de nes it, but to always aim higher and be your BEST self, effectively growing
into yourself. While this may entail some sacri ce and a LOT of pain, its worth it.

Its because that journey of change and growth is absolutely one of the most rewarding things you can ever feel.

With regards to romance and dating, we can reach the pinnacle of our ability if we create the effort and drive to ful ll our destiny.

The masculine ability to attract and bed women is one of the most desirable things to have in human society. Some guys spend their whole lives trying to be
millionaires in order to do exactly that, yet there are far more interesting and easier ways to accomplish this simply by pursuing the journey and being willing to
adjust your own character.

Play to mold your character and grow, and you play to win!

Varoon

About the Author: Varoon Rajah

A New York City native, Varoons studied under many of the seduction industrys leading instructors. His specialty is direct day game, where
he meets girls on the street, on the subway, and in coffee shops. Varoon is the host for the Girls Chase Podcast, available on iTunes or via
SoundCloud.

SUBSCRIBE TO THE PODCAST ON ITUNES

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