Sex and the Single Parent

How (and why) they find the time to parent and find a
partner.
Married parents often complain that the time, energy, and money required to raise children
limits the time they have for socializing and sex. Most people might assume that single
parents feel even more constrained. Compared with coupled parents, single parents make
less money and have to invest a greater share of their time, energy, and money in child-
rearing. Presumably, they also have a harder time affording babysitters, dating, and
having sex. But recently, a large survey showed that compared with coupled parents,
single parents do just as much dating, socializing, and lovemakingand sometimes more.
The researchers, from Dartmouth, Rutgers, the University of Nevada, and the University of
Indiana, mined data from the Single in America survey, a project of Match.com. The
survey involved a representative national sample of 5,481 single adults, of whom 2,121
were parents. Participants replied to five questions:
1. How often do you think about sex?
2. In the past 12 months, how often have you had partner sex?
3. In the past 12 months, how many sexual partners have you had?
4. In the past three months, how many people have you dated?
5. Which statement best describes you:
I dont want a relationship. I prefer to stay single.
I want to date casually but not settle into a relationship.
Im actively dating and seeking a relationship.
Im currently dating someone.
Myths Debunked
Consistent with the conventional wisdom, compared with childless singles, the single
parents worked fewer hours and made less money. But, unexpectedly, the two groups
replies to the questions showed no significant differences: Having children aged five or
younger was not related to an individuals dating or sexual behavior. Specifically:
Single parents thought about sex just as much as singles without children.
Single parents dated just as much as singles without children.
Single parents had as much sex as other singles, sometimes more.
A Reproductive Investment Trade-Off?
These findings upend social science theory about parenting. The psychology and
sociology literatures generally assume a reproductive investment trade-off, or the idea
that parents invest their resources in raising their children at the expense of other
activities, including finding partners for future reproduction. Theres a good deal of support
for this assumption:
Breastfeeding reduces womens sexual desire.
Parenting is exhausting, which limits energy for socializing and sex.
Parenting is expensive, which means parents have less money for socializing.
As dates and sex partners, single parents hold less allure because theyre less
available and have more responsibilities.
These observations are all true. Nonetheless, single parents still find the time, energy, and
money to date and enjoy sexual relationships.
How do they manage it? One possibility that supports the theory of reproductive
investment trade-off is that single parents crave a two-parent family and so they feel highly
motivated to do what it takes to find a long-term co-parent. The study hints that this may
be the case: Compared with men, women tended to feel more motivated to have long-term
relationships. In the study, as their number of young children increased, female single
parents dated more, not less.
Theres another possibility that stretches the notion of reproductive investment trade-off:
Single mothers and fathers may feel that they parent best when they are happy and dont
resent their children for taking them out of social circulation. Dating and sex add to
their happiness, reduce any resentment they may feel, and make them better parents.
The Good News for Single Parents
Many single parents believe they should commit themselves 100 percent to raising their
kids, even if it means subordinating their own social and sexual needs. Single parents are
free to do this if they wish, but this study shows that most single parents date and have as
much sex as single peers without kids.
I'm interested in hearing from single parents about this research. If you compare your life
now to the life you lived before you became a single parent, do you spend more, less, or
about the same amount of time in dating and partner sex?

Reference
Gray, P.B. et al. Dating and Sexual Behavior Among Single Parents of Young Children in
the United States. Journal of Sex Research (2015) 52:121.