From Peaceful BabiesContented Mothers by Dr.

Emmi Pikler

Translated from original Hungarian Mit tud mr a baba? into German, and from the
German Friedliche Babys - zufriedene Mtter into English by Julie Le Gal Brodeur*
Copyright Verlag Herder Freiburg in Breisgau 1982 www.herder.de
Copyright Emmi Pikler 1982

CRYING

Why does the newborn baby cry?

Because he often feels uncomfortable. He was used to something better. He was used
to calm and quiet, darkness and an even, comfortable temperature. Nourishment came
to him ready made. He did not have to breathe. He was not subjected to any strong
pressure or any friction, as it swam almost freely for nine months. Birth is the first
very uncomfortable experience for the child, and it is followed by one discomfort after
another. Hunger, thirst, more or less hardness, clothing that restricts his movement
and rubs against his body, diapers.

The newborn must get used to many unchangeable things. This acclimatization takes
many weeks, and during this time, the child cries frequently.

A more sensitive child cries often in the first days, sometimes even in the first weeks,
especially thinner newborns with a lower birth weight, the so-called "fussy" babies. The
other extreme are the babies that sleep through the night right from the start, may
even sleep thought the day, and are calm when awake. But the average child cries
quite a lot in the first 58 weeks, but also sleeps a lot.
[...]

What can we do so they don't cry?

Nothing.
That is: nothing so they don't cry.

But, naturally, we must do everything we can to make the newborn's circumstances

tolerable. We must make sure that he has calm and quiet, that no one or nothing
disturbs him, that he be kept in an even temperature as much as possible. We can
protect him from harsh light and loud noise. We can keep him tidy and clean. [...] We
can grant him free movement. His clothes should be soft and loose. We can care for
his skin, supply regular, adequate nourishment, at intervals determined by the child,
and where possible, at the breast.

So, we have to help the crying infant. We have to try to eliminate the cause of the
crying, and the child will calm down in a short time. If that doesn't work, we mustn't
let it cry desperately; if we weren't able to help him, we take him in our arms,
reassure him, and as soon as he has calmed down, we lay him back in his cradle. As a
rule, he should settle down well there and fall asleep quietly.

We should follow the same actions at night. It proven true that leaving a newborn to
hunger and cry at night is not the right way to later achieve them sleeping through the
night. To the contrary, if an infant that is well-provided and cared for during the day
wakes up and cries, and is also comforted and fed during the night, he will sleep
thought the night within a few weeks, without any "crying-training".

But mothers very often act completely differently: When the newborn begins to cry,
they jump into a mechanical routine, and instead of trying to find out the reason for
the crying, they pick up the baby, change his diaper, pace back and forth with him,
rock him, sing to him, and simply want to pacify him and in this doing, overlook the
real help that he needs.
[...]

It is unfortunate that as adults we are more or less impatient, agitated and unsettling,
and that because of this our children also become impatient, agitated and unsettling.

So what we're really considering is, what is better: to expose the child to disturbing
influences, from which we can never completely protect it, relentlessly from birth or
later and gradually. The first years of life, including the first months, have a decisive
impact on the later development of the individual. This is the foundation on which
everything else is built. If this foundation is strong, the structure is better able to
withstand shocks. Because of this, we try to secure the most favourable circumstances
for the child, especially at the beginning, which gives him an advantage in his
development, which will serve him his entire life.

If, however, the inner calm, the psychological balance of the child is disturbed within
the first weeks or months, damage is done that is almost impossible to amend, and
that has lifelong consequences. The child becomes weaker, is more defenceless, and
less able to able to cope with outer discomforts and shocks (just as a physical injury
sustained in the early years leaves lifelong traces).

Calm and peace in the first years cannot be subsequently recovered or replaced.

Conscious Parenting Guide www.consciousparentingguide.com 2009