My Renaissance by Trevor Beesley

Rediscovering Discovery

As a child, my entire life revolved around discovery. I focused my energy into the five
senses I was born with to identify and perceive the world around me. The smell of bicycle tires
skidding on the pavement, the feel of the grass in my toes as I ran, the colors of the sunset just
before dinner; the list goes on. With time and wisdom, however, I began to rely less on my
senses, and more on my senseis, the teachers and other adults around me telling me the things I
should believe. This darkening of my discovery continued for many years; that is, until I first
learned to put a name to my old way of perception. Critical Thinking. Edward Engh, in his
writing titled Critical Thinking, helped to clear the darkness and rekindle the flame of
discovery I once knew.

This piece will take you on my journey of what Id like to call, My Renaissance. It will
trek through my adolescence on through my current state. For me, rediscovering discovery is
what has helped define many aspects of my life. It is what guides me through the decision-
making process, and it is what ultimately will contribute to my success, or perhaps lack of it.

As mentioned earlier, when I was a child, my life was engulfed in discovery. I was
experiencing many things for the first time. And thus, I could form an opinion of things based on
my perception of them during that initial experience. Snow is cold when I put my hands in it, and
afterwards I get a stinging sensation in my hands which I am not too keen on. My opinion of
snow now is that snow is not very high on my list of things I like. Cement is hard when I fall on
it, and again, sends stinging sensations to my extremities. Another thing that doesnt rank highly.

Each new experience, no matter how simple, allowed me to form, change, or even adjust
an opinion of the world as I knew it. I recall my first experience of playing with friends in the
winter time and building a snow fort. As you may remember, my opinion of snow was not
extremely high based on my first observations of it. However, after experiencing the pure awe
and excitement of building a fort with snow, I couldnt help but reconsider my opinion of the
white flakes. Cold, yes, but also exhilarating to mold and sculpt! I would continue to do the same
molding and sculpting of my opinion of snow with each new discovery and experience I had
with it.

Engh discusses this idea of experiencing things as perception. Says he, The Universe is
everything,It is experienced by all living things through perception.1 This very line of text
describes the adolescent stages for myself, and all other humans. We all perceive the things
around us, and then make decisions on what our perceptions mean about the universe.

Here is where things can begin to become skewed. As we perceive our surroundings,
sights, sounds, tastes, and then deduce how we interpret their meanings to us about the universe,
we begin to make errors. We begin to make decisions to believe things that we perhaps should
not, and to reject things we ought not to reject. These errors are classified by types. A type 1
error is one in which you reject something you ought to accept. And thus, a type 2 error is one in
which you accept something you ought to reject.

The making of errors is natural. However, it wasnt until reading Enghs text that I began
to discover that there was even a possibility in making errors in perception. This is what truly
started the gears turning in my head about critical thinking. But where did I lose my way? I was,
after all, already thinking critically as a child. What follows is my personal Dark Ages. When I
became old enough to enter grade school, I was introduced to my first real experience of
structured learning. What I mean by this is, I was not given the freedom to question things, to ask
why or why not, or to make errors in perception and live with those errors. No, for the first time,
I was given direction from someone other than myself as to how I should perceive the universe.

In math, we solve this problem like this, and this is the way we solve it simply because it
just is. This is the way you spell your name, this is the way you say cat, this is the way you treat
your classmates. This is right, that is wrong. These ideas were perceptions from someone else,
that were being engrained into my brain as if they were my own. If an error was made in my
perception of something, I was not allowed to make the error and live with it, but instead, my
error was corrected. No Trevor, thats incorrect. This is the correct answer. And with time, this
became acceptable to me. No longer did I alter my perception of things with each new
experience. No longer did I question my previous experiences, and no longer was I making my

1
Critical Thinking Edward G. Engh
own deductions about things I perceived. Instead, I was comparing my perceptions to that of the
teachers, adults, and other mentors in my life who graded my exactness.

Essentially numbed in the brain, I navigated my way through this mental bathing of
robotic follow-the-leader type mentality for nearly fifteen years. And then it hit me. While
reading through Enghs text about critical thinking, error detection, strong and weak minded,
societal views, it hit me. The idea of What if? What if whats right, is wrong? What if I have
made an error? What if those who have consistently corrected me have in fact, made an error?

Suddenly my world was spinning. I was raised religious, and had a strong belief system. I
was raised with many teachers and mentors who taught me many things about my universe, and
without question, I had believed them. But what if they perceived something differently than
myself, and made an error? Maybe I was actually right! Maybe it didnt even matter who was
right. Instantly I began analyzing my values and the things I had been taught. How did they make
me feel? What was my deduction based on my experiences? I realized a few things about my
universe after reading this text. I realized that there were many things I needed to re-experience
for the first time. And I realized there were many things I still had not experienced.

My realization of needing to re-experience things came because of this idea; I have been
numb in the mind for years to perception. I cant possibly conclude that my feelings about
anything I experienced during that time are based on my personal perceptions because I havent
really perceived them. I need to go back and re-experience so many things, to have the ability to
actually perceive them. Crap. How do I actually do that?

I began to see that I was truly in a difficult spot. Engh talks about the universe being
completely uncertain, and at this moment I felt exactly that. I felt completely uncertain about
what I should do next. I didnt know what this unveiling meant for me. But then I thought, what
does it matter? Again, the universe is completely uncertain. I may have ended up in the exact
same place as I am now, even if I did perceive every experience for myself. This led me to my
next thought. I still have so many things I have not experienced.

I live in a time where I have the opportunity to be completely engulfed by knowledge and
opinion through the internet. This notion is amazing and terrifying. As I think back to my
childhood, I remember being outside and smelling wet concrete. I remember feeling wind, and
tasting olives. I remember not worrying about what was next, and not caring about what
happened in the past, but simply living in the moment.

My Renaissance happened when I read the text Critical Thinking by Edward G Engh
because it opened my eyes to the conclusion that making errors is natural. That its okay, no, its
expected to ask why. I found joy in remembering what it was like to experience something for
the first time, and actually forming my own opinion based on my perception of the event.
Finally, after nearly fifteen years of being in the dark, I could see a little bit of light shining. I
could use my logic, and not be shunned for it. And even if I was shunned for it, I could know I
was doing something for myself, not because I was forced to do it by someone else.

Many things havent changed for me. I am still a religious person who holds onto the
same values I did before. I still find value in education. I still hold family as a sacred part of my
life. But I now treat every experience as an opportunity to create, change, or modify my opinion.
I treat every experience as a chance to discover something; to rediscover discovery.