Driver's Ed by Tom Wilhelm Page 1/26

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EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY SHAWN sternly walks in front of the SHAWN
test car with a clipboard. My name is Shawn McDougal the
driving instructor.

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BELLA waits anxiously. BELLA Shawn look up from his clipboard
Hi Shawn! Today's the big day. disappointed.
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Shawn look up from his clipboard Shawn look up from his clipboard SHAWN
disappointed. disappointed. Yes Bella, We're all excited for
your driving exam.

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Where is the rest of your class? BELLA passed weeks
Oh, they
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ago. Not me though. Third time's the charm, Mr. McD.

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SHAWN BELLA I know I'll pass this time
It's not too late to get a scooter. Don't be silly, Mr. McD.
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That's why I'm documenting the BELLA SHAWN
whole thing. For my scrapbook. Great. More evidence

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Bella whips out a Polaroid Camera.

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for the insurance company. Bella embraces Shawn for a photo. BELLA
Say Cheese!
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FLASH. The bright light dazes Shawn. SHAWN
That better not show up on
Friendster. I'm a Myspace man.

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Bella examines the photo. BELLA Bella forces Shawn's mouth into a
Aw. You didn't smile. smile and takes another picture.
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BELLA
This one's a keeper.
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Shawn shoves Bella aside
SHAWN
Just get in the car.
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and opens the front car door.
Bella sits in the driver's seat and
Shawn sits in the passenger's.
Bella closes her eyes and hums.
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I/E. CAR - DAY

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SHAWN BELLA
What are you doing? I'm nervous. So I'm thinking about
a baby tiger dressed like a chef;
kissing a pony. Helps me stay
positive.
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You should try it.
SHAWN
What, stay positive? I've worked to
hard maintaining my frosty exterior
to think like a fuddy-duddy.
BELLA
Do it. You know you want to.
Action Notes
Shawn broods. Bella nudges Shawn.

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SHAWN I'm thinking of itty-bitty giraffes BELLA
Fine. sliding down a rainbow, beaming Aw, yay!
out the arse of a unicorn.
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SHAWN BELLA Bella adjusts the side mirror
Bella, for the love of prickly You got it, Mr. McD.
Pete, just try and concentrate
here. Check your rear views.

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which breaks off.
BELLA
Did this car pass inspection?
SHAWN (sincere)
hm, I musta got caught up living
the glamorous lifestyle of a
driving instructor. Somewhere
between the coke parties and the
bikini models I forgot why I got
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into this business: basic vehicle

maintenance.

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BELLA SHAWN
That's so sad. It's not that sad. Just drive!

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Bella closes her eyes and randomly The windshield wipers start
jabs at the dashboard. turning.
Driver's Ed by Tom Wilhelm Page 10/26

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Bella claps for joy. SHAWN
Stop. Stop. Stop.
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Shawn turns off the wipers.
SHAWN
The automobile is a sophisticated
piece of machinery.

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You must treat this Goliath of BELLA SHAWN
metal and shiny bits with respect. Sorry, car. I love you. Please, turn the key and start
ignition.
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Bella starts the engine and the car instantly skids into driving right off screen
reverse

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A loud crash bellows. Somehow, the car balances upside BELLA
down held by the windshield. How am I doing so far?
Driver's Ed by Tom Wilhelm Page 12/26

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Shawn lifts the car while inside and flips it right side up. Shawn looks down at his clipboard
and sighs.

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SHAWN But I'd be happy to pass you, SHAWN
Look, we could do the whole song Bella, because frankly, I don't Screw parallel parking I've got a
and dance where I give you the care. better plan.
test; you fail the test and the Action Notes
cycle continues next week. Shawn throws the clipboard out the
window.
Driver's Ed by Tom Wilhelm Page 13/26

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BELLA SHAWN (excited) I want you to drive up the street
What is it, Shawn? a special Sort of. to the Bob's Bobbin' Bagels.
mission?

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Bella looks disappointed
BELLA SHAWN
Bobbin' Bagels? Home of delicious pasties and hot
coffee made from the best coffee
beans hand picked by children in
third world countries. Brewed on
location by some college dropout
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wearing tight pants that leave

nothing to the imagination.

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BELLA SHAWN
This isn't a very special mission. Two words, Bella: apple strudel.

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The flaky crust and gooey apple If you drive us there before they BELLA
innards. They only bake one batch a run out of strudel, you will pass Really? For true? A real license
day. the driving exam. with my picture on it and
everything?
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That means I can be an organ SHAWN Let's boogie, Daisy Duke. I'm
donor. Sure whatever. famished

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BELLA Bella speeds away. Bella swerves the car back and
Yay! forth on the road.

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I/E. CAR - DAY
Driver's Ed by Tom Wilhelm Page 16/26

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BELLA SHAWN
Whee! Hey, can we listen to the The radio is for hairdressers.
radio?

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Bella sighs disappointed BELLA
Oh,
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You will not believe what happened Shawn rolls his eyes in silence. BELLA
the other day. My mailman, Sachi San, showed me
the cutest pictures of of his
kitten Mr. Happy Fortune Cat.

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SHAWN Yeah, even though it's a lady cat.
Mr. Happy Fortune Cat? Go figure. Anyways, he dropped off
a post card from my sister. She's
vacationing with her fiance in
Paris France.
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Bella (O.S.) She's not my favorite sister. SHAWN
Love it. Is this yarn going anywhere?

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BELLA Shawn laughs. SHAWN
Fine, Mr. Critic. How about you No.
tell me a story.
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BELLA SHAWN BELLA
Do you sing in the shower? I don't sing and I don't bathe. You If you were a 96' Plymouth Neon
can't make me do either what color would you be?

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Shawn buries his head in his hands. SHAWN EXT. MONTAGE OF RIDICULOUS PLACES -
Bella makes a sharp right hurtling Where are you going? DAY
the car down a dirt road.
BELLA Bella and Shawn drive through
Don't worry. I know a shortcut. numerous locations with exotic
backdrops.
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SHAWN The car flies into the parking lot. Bella skids to a stop in front of
We're so close. I can almost taste the entrance
it.

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Shawn rushes out of the car.
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Shawn presses his face against the Another customer purchases the last
window to see the last apple strudel
strudel on the counter.

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Shawn somberly walks back to the
car.
Driver's Ed by Tom Wilhelm Page 22/26

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BELLA Your mouth must be full because SHAWN
So, how's it taste? Was it fresh you haven't said anything mean yet. In the depths of you ignorance. I
like you said. didn't even go in the building.

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BELLA SHAWN BELLA
What? None left, Bella. We were too late. But I -
No flaky crust; no gooey apple
innards and no license.
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SHAWN Bella swells and sobs loudly
Bella, you're a hazard behind the
wheel and I'm keeping you off the
motorway. You fail!

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Shawn feels bad and puts his arm around her. SHAWN
Come on. It's not that bad.
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BELLA SHAWN Bella Sniffles.
Yes it is. I messed up and now you I don't hate you. You're just not
hate me. ready to drive. Maybe someday.

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BELLA SHAWN Here, you can have this.
You mean it? Sure, why not.

Action Notes
Shawn hands Bella a card.
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My license? But...Wait. A license to chill? SHAWN
Only valid in Margaritaville.
Includes complimentary Volcano
Nachos with any entree. While
supplies last.

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BELLA SNAWN BELLA
Does that mean you want me to try I guess so. Maybe I'll get deported Yay!
again next week? before then. Drive us back!
Action Notes
Bella wipes the tears and smiles.
Driver's Ed by Tom Wilhelm Page 26/26

Dialogue
BELLA
Punch Buggy!

Action Notes
They drive into the distance.