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Critical Reflection #1

Last Wednesday after class I left on such an emotional high. The first peer mentoring

class was amazing and I kept running thoughts and ideas in my head. I was excited. For me

excitement is a rare feeling. My life is burdened by so many stresses that I often dont allow

excitement to enter my emotional sphere. I tend to remain rather melancholy. Yet here I was

elated and ready to tackle this new venture of being a peer mentor. Suddenly a girl approached

me and I was put in a situation outside the classroom that was a great opportunity to learn

(Dumont, Istance, & Benavides, 2010)

I was tired, cold, and I really just wanted to get home after an incredibly long day, but she

said something that caught me off guard and I knew that I needed to hear what she was going to

say. She said she was from a Christian Bible study group and wanted to know if I was interested

in god the mother. For me, faith is an integral part of my life. I study my scriptures deeply and

I have never heard of this. So it took me by complete surprise. Instantly I went on the defense.

Here she was attacking my faith and I was riled up. She anticipated everything I would say, and

had an appropriate response. I felt like I was losing the battle and I was frustrated. Eventually I

managed to ask her a question which allowed for me to finally steer the conversation. I was able

to get her to leave her script and speak more from her own self. The conversation ended; neither

of us convinced the other that we were right, and I left her with a multitude of feelings that I

honestly wasnt sure how to process. I was shocked, angry, sad, confused, and quite emotionally

drained. I had gone from such a high to quite the low in a matter of only a few minutes.

On my drive home I took time to decompress. I began to realize that these are exactly the

type of experiences which require reflection. When there are so many emotions it can be

overwhelming; as if it is the only thing that is going on (Dirkx, 2008). If I dont take the time to

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honestly look at the situation I will never learn through those emotions and instead I will just

drown in them or forget about them. Even in the crazy moments of life there are lessons to be

learned experiential learning (Dumont, Istance, & Benavides, 2010) - and ways in which those

lessons can be applied. I realized that the way I approach a situation drastically affects the

outcome. I was caught off guard and thus I was reactionary. I couldnt help but be defensive.

Perhaps if I had been more level headed or prepared going into that conversation I wouldnt have

been as scathing towards her. I would have been able to look at her as just another human being

with different beliefs than my own, rather than an enemy.

In the same way I wished I had been prepared for that conversation I had a question

asked of me by one of the students during the second RAT that I wasnt ready for. I felt quite

foolish that I didnt know the answer. Thankfully Zoe came to my rescue and she was better able

to handle the question. She had read over the readings again and so she knew how to better

explain what the question was getting at. I felt incredibly relieved by the help, but certainly it

made me realize that if I want to be effective for these students I need to thoroughly go through

the RAT ahead of time. Next time I will need to do a better job of preparing.

The conversation I had last Wednesday night also let me consider how I need to approach

situations as a peer mentor. Emotions drastically affect the outcome of a situation and thus

learning (Dumont, Istance, & Benavides, 2010), so I need to keep my emotions in check as well

as recognize what those around me are feeling. I am sure that the girl I was talking to could sense

my frustration levels and that didnt set the table to have a well-balanced dialogue. Rather it

created quite the opposite. She likely felt defeated and probably attacked as well. Instead of it

being an engaging conversation it was damage control.

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Emotions are a fundamental aspect of life and they help determine how I engage in my

reality, through morality, judgement and motivation (Dirkx, 2008).They connect me to my world

in a deep and intimate way and provide meaning to my life (Dirkx, 2008). If I keep that in mind I

should not be afraid to meet students where they are at. Emotions will play just as important of a

role in the students life as it does in mine (Dirkx, 2008). Often times emotions are thought of as

negative things in the classroom, but truly they can have a positive effect on the learning process

(Dirkx, 2008). I had an emotional response to a situation and it made me want to re-look at the

bible to see for myself if what this girl had said had any merit. It is easy to assume only positive

emotions can have a positive impact on learning and that negative emotions serve only as

distractions, but this is not always the case (Dirkx, 2008). I wanted to learn more because this

experience had frustrated me. This is something important to remember in my peer mentoring

practicum. Team based learning breeds conflict over what the right answers are. This will be an

emotional experience, but it doesnt have to be a bad one (Dirkx, 2008). Emotions and cognition

work well together (Dumont, Istance, & Benavides, 2010) and if guided properly by the

teacher/mentor it will help to focus the learning (Dumont, Istance, & Benavides, 2010). A

conflict over what is the right answer may actually motivate the students to learn things at a

deeper level (Dumont, Istance, & Benavides, 2010).

Through this experience I also realized the valuable lesson of being able to direct

conversations. It made me see the importance of asking good questions and not being a passive

participant. Until I was able to ask the girl a question she wasnt expecting, she had rote

responses. It was after I asked her to think outside of her comfort zone that she really had to

think things through. As a peer mentor this is an incredibly important thing to do. Asking

questions gets the other person to think about what they are saying, or why they think something

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is a particular way. I like to think that I was able to impact this girl in a way. I hope that she went

back through it and was able to figure out why the topic really mattered to her. I wasnt trying to

convince her my opinion is right, but I do hope that she was able to reflect upon the experience

for herself.

All in all, I feel fortunate to have been in a situation that caused me to see both the danger

and the potential of emotions in learning. Certainly it is possible to become overwhelmed by

emotions to the point where it does impact the learning process, but it can also lead to greater

motivation to learn. I hope that I can keep in mind the importance of emotions in the learning

process, and I hope that I can examine conflict within teams accurately to determine if it is the

type of conflict that benefits or hinders the team and then steer them back in the right direction if

need be. For myself I am fortunate that this experience has propelled me to be better prepared for

what faces me, and to keep in mind the role emotions might be playing in the classroom.

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Bibliography

Dirkx, J. M. (2008). The meaning and role of emotions in adult learning. New Directions for
Adult and Continuing Education, 2008(120).

Dumont, H., Istance, D., & Benavides, F.(eds.) (2010). The Nature of Learning - Using Research
to Inspire Practice. In Practitoner Guide for the Innovative Learning Environments
Project. OECD Publishing, Paris,
http://dx.doi.org.ezproxy.lib.ucalgary.ca/10.1787/9789264086487-en

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