Ortiz 1

Katherine Ortiz

English 115

Professor Beadle

5 December 2017

New and Improved

What I noticed as I kept revising my Project Space essay is that I wasnt very clear the

first time. I also had fewer pages done, however the more thorough I became the more pages I

was able to write. Project space started with 4 pages and 2 paragraphs with no meaning but as I

revised it my paragraphs became more clear and had 4 full pages and a quarter of the 5th page of

clear and meaningful paragraphs that all related to my thesis and argument a little better than the

first time. On my project space essay I added 2 paragraphs that had nothing to do with my thesis

nor did it relate to my argument, therefore I deleted them and instead I made my arguments

clearer in my other paragraphs. I was mentioning all the monstrous things about being at a

funeral and mourning someones death however, I wasnt looking at the big picture therefore, I

forgot to even mention why all these things were even considered monstrous.

As I proofread my essay again I found little grammar mistakes as well such as mistaking

term for turn which were simple mistakes I should have been able to detect the first time. I

mostly added more information to the end of each paragraph because I missed huge points in my

essay I should have mentioned the first time around. Project Space was a fairly simple

assignment that would have been more clear if I organized my thoughts better. In Project Space I

also didnt mention the significance and values my monster had. I spoke about what is

considered monstrous, People will begin to speak out of term, some might even laugh, and

others will mourn in the only way they know how, (page 1) as opposed to why these things
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make it monstrous and what it represents therefore, I revised it and said, Themselves is what's

more important; their ego or other selfish needs, this is what makes them monsters, (page 1).

This portrays my monster more clearly and shows the reader what the monster truly is;

selfishness.

In my first paragraph of Project Space, I mentioned the observer, (page 1) however, I

never really spoke about why this person is significant at funerals. As I went over my essay I was

astounded by major mistakes Ive made because my thoughts were clouded by all the

information I was thinking about writing. Faults Ive made even included my citations. In my

citations I cited the book but never mentioned the article or page numbers I was specifically

writing about therefore, I had to adjust it and make the change. The commentaries left by my

professor gave me the impression I was giving good points and examples however, I just needed

to go a little deeper than the surface and find what was truly significant. It is safe to say that

because of this portfolio I have seen my faults and have become a much better writer because of

it.

In my second essay, Project Text, you can see that my writing has did not improve much

because my thoughts were more unclear than my first essay. In the first essay I added 2

meaningless paragraphs whereas in Project Text each paragraph needed more explanation. I have

made a few major mistakes such as not using italics for movie titles, supporting my evidence, or

even missing my counter argument which made me lose a lot of points. The huge problem with

my Project Text essay is that I got so caught up with the movie that I had too many ideas open

and didn't stick to one main focus. I did, however include many evidence from my texts but not

enough from the movie itself. By revising this essay I have made my argument less confusing.
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For example, in Project Text, the last sentence of my first paragraph I said, people fail to

realize the truth behind Godzilla, (page 1) then I open another topic when I forgot to mention

what the truth actually was. As I revised this section I made it clear that the truth is in fact, the

1954 version gives us an emotional side to how significant Godzillas destruction was an how it

represents the atomic bombs destruction of Hiroshima at the time, (page 1). This gives the

reader a thorough thought of the difference between 1954 and 2016.

Project Text was the most difficult to write about because I couldn't seem to stick with

just one major difference and explain the significance of it. It was hard for me to get a deeper

meaning out of the two movies and explain them in bigger detail. In the beginning of the

semester I was confident I would do so well in writing my essays, however when the first essay

was assigned and I recieved my grade I knew I was wrong in being confident. I let the first essay

get to me and my second one was even worse. However, by the third essay I truly believe all my

thoughts were in order. I proofread my essay and I read new articles from Monsters to help me

get a specific perspective on my topic, werewolves.

I do hope my writing will develop drastically in my years in college but for now I was

proud I was able to do better, in my opinion, on my third essay. In Werhomans, I related

werewolves to homosexuals in the sense that they, both hide from other people because they are

not socially accepted, (page 2). I did a better job in Project Media than in the other two essays

because I took my time in gathering my ideas and comparing my issue to my monster as

thoroughly as I thought I could at the time. No writer is a perfect writer, however I did try my

best and attempted to finish strong in the best way I knew how.

Project Media included a thesis, Werewolves tend to not be able to control themselves in

this transformation and yet still are rejected from society's standards which is similar to how
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homosexuals have the same issue nowadays by not being able to understand how they can be

themselves considering the environment they live in, (page 2). I spoke about the similarities and

how these two things connect. I also added a conclusion which not only summarized my essay

but brought a new point and a message of how we shouldn't treat our own species differently.

My writing has in deed improved and will continue to improve throughout my years.