HSU TI-SHAN

T. S. Eliot's Murder in the Cathedral (The Complete Poems and Plays [New York,
1952], p. 182):
Neither does the actor suffer
Nor the patient act. But both are fixed
In an eternal action, an eternal patience
T o which all must consent that it may be willed
And which all must suffer that they may will it,
That the pattern may subsist, for the pattern is the action
And the suffering, that the wheel may turn and still
Be forever still.

Hs Ti-shan has as much humanitarian sympathy for tradition-bound Chinese

women as Lu Hsn or any other author in this volume, but he alone embraces
them with love and ennobles them with a Christian mode of understanding.
"Yii-kuan" is Hs Ti-shan's masterpiece. If we may regard Hsi-kuan as a nat-
ural saint who accepts her outrageous fortune with hardly an evil thought
against her abusers, Y-kuan is much more stubbornly human and stubbornly
Chinese in her way of thinking. Her search for disinterested goodness is a
much more arduous and psychologically believable process, and she stays in
our memory as an entirely credible human being. According to some recent
research, Y-kuan may have been a portrait of the author's mother.

c. T. H.
 The Merchant's Wife
by Hs Ti-shan

Translated by William H. Nienhauser, Jr.

"It's time f o r y o u r m o r n i n g tea, sir." o r eight by t h e h a n d , c a m e a n d sat d o w n f a c i n g

T h e voice of the second-class cabin a t t e n d a n t
was u r g i n g m e to get u p . Since I'd b e e n very busy
yesterday b e f o r e b o a r d i n g t h e ship, my m i n d a n d
body w e r e so completely e x h a u s t e d t h a t I slept
f r o m n i n e o'clock straight o n t h r o u g h until seven
A.M. without stirring. W h e n I h e a r d t h e atten-
dant's call, I got u p immediately. A f t e r a t t e n d i n g
to those m a t t e r s which n e e d to be t a k e n care of in
the m o r n i n g , I went to the d i n i n g hall.
By t h a t time the hall was c r o w d e d . E v e r y o n e
t h e r e was d r i n k i n g tea a n d chatting: p r e d i c t i n g
w h o would be victorious in t h e E u r o p e a n War,
discussing w h e t h e r Yiian Shih-k'ai [ 1 8 5 9 - 1 9 1 6 ]
should have m a d e himself e m p e r o r , o r c o n j e c t u r -
ing w h e t h e r t h e revolt of t h e I n d i a n soldiers in
S i n g a p o r e was incited by t h e I n d i a n Revolu-
tionary Party. T h e buzzing a n d m u r m u r i n g al-
most t r a n s f o r m e d t h e hall into a m a r k e t p l a c e . I
wasn't a c c u s t o m e d to it. As soon as I was d o n e
with my tea, I r e t u r n e d to my cabin, took a vol-
u m e entitled Miscellanies of the Western Capital, a n d
r a n o f f to s t a r b o a r d looking f o r a place to sit. I
was p l a n n i n g o n a n intimate c o n v e r s a t i o n with t h e
c h a r a c t e r s of t h e book.
As I o p e n e d it a n d was a b o u t to begin r e a d i n g ,
a n I n d i a n womari, leading a child of a b o u t seven,
m e . I h a d seen this w o m a n at the P o n d f o r Releas-
ing L i f e 1 in t h e T e m p l e of S u p r e m e J o y 2 t h e day
b e f o r e yesterday. I h a d also s p o t t e d h e r b o a r d i n g
ship, a n d o n b o a r d h a d o f t e n seen h e r at t h e rail,
p o r t a n d s t a r b o a r d , e n j o y i n g t h e cool air. As soon
as I saw h e r my curiosity was stirred, f o r t h o u g h
h e r attire was I n d i a n , h e r d e p o r t m e n t was n o t
that of a n I n d i a n w o m a n .
I laid t h e book d o w n a n d w a t c h e d h e r furtively,
p r e t e n d i n g to b e r e a d i n g w h e n e v e r she t u r n e d
h e r gaze t o w a r d m e . A f t e r I h a d d o n e that several
times, I f e a r e d she m i g h t suspect a n u l t e r i o r mo-
tive a n d lowered my h e a d , n o t d a r i n g to allow my
eyes to touch h e r again.
She a b s e n t m i n d e d l y s a n g I n d i a n songs to t h e
child, w h o p o i n t e d h e r e a n d t h e r e , asking h e r
questions. As I listened to h e r replies, u n c o n -
sciously I stared at h e r face again. W h e n she saw
m e raise my h e a d , she i g n o r e d t h e child a n d
quickly asked m e in a S o u t h e r n Fukienese dialect,
"Uncle, 3 a r e you g o i n g to S i n g a p o r e too?" (She
h a d t h e accent of t h e H a i - c h e n g c o u n t r y folk, a n d
h e r t o n e of voice too was t h a t of a c o u n t r y
dweller.) She spoke slowly, syllable by syllable, as
if she w e r e j u s t l e a r n i n g to speak. W h e n she asked
m e this question my suspicions multiplied, a n d I

Professors Dennis T . H u , M u h a m m e d U m a r Memon, V. Narayana Rao, a n d Seng-tong W o n g have all m a d e important sugges-
tions and clarifications to the translator. T h e responsibility for any r e m a i n i n g infelicities or e r r o r s lies solely with the latter. In the
case where Muslim terms cannot be identified, romanizations according to the Chinese renderings are provided.
T h e n u m b e r e d footnotes were supplied by t h e translator, whereas the footnotes keyed with letters are the author's own.
1
A p o n d where people release captive fish or turtles, o f t e n after purchasing them nearby; the practice is a Buddhist one,
reflecting the Buddhist principle of respect for life.
2
This temple is located on the island of P e n a n g off the west coast of Malaysia.
3
"Lao-shu" in the original, which means "Old Uncle."
42 HS
a n s w e r e d , " I ' m r e t u r n i n g to A m o y . H a v e y o u
b e e n t o o u r a r e a ? H o w is it t h a t you s p e a k o u r
language?"
" E h ? I s u p p o s e since y o u saw t h a t I a m d r e s s e d
as a n I n d i a n w o m a n , you s u s p e c t e d I w a s n ' t f r o m
t h e ' l a n d s of t h e T ' a n g . ' 3 T o tell you t h e t r u t h , m y
h o m e is in H u n g - c h i e n . "
W h e n t h e child saw us c o n v e r s i n g in o u r native
dialect, h e h a d a s t r a n g e f e e l i n g . S h a k i n g his
m o t h e r ' s k n e e , h e a s k e d in I n d i a n : " M a m a , w h a t
l a n g u a g e a r e you s p e a k i n g ? W h o is h e ? " H e h a d
p r o b a b l y n e v e r h e a r d h e r s p e a k this l a n g u a g e be-
f o r e , a n d t h u s felt it was s t r a n g e . T o l e a r n this
w o m a n ' s b a c k g r o u n d a little m o r e quickly, I w e n t
o n with my questions.
"Is that your child?"
She first a n s w e r e d t h e child, t h e n t u r n e d to m e
a n d s i g h e d . " W h y n o t ? I r a i s e d h i m in M a d r a s . "
T h e m o r e w e t a l k e d t h e m o r e f a m i l i a r w e be-
c a m e , so t h a t o u r initial i n h i b i t i o n s s u b s i d e d .
O n c e s h e k n e w m y h o m e a n d t h a t I was a t e a c h e r ,
s h e s t o p p e d a d d r e s s i n g m e as " u n c l e " a n d called
m e "sir" i n s t e a d , w h i c h was m o r e a p p r o p r i a t e f o r
a m a n o f m y p r o f e s s i o n . S h e r e l a t e d to m e , m o r e -
o v e r , t h e g e n e r a l c o n d i t i o n s in M a d r a s . B e c a u s e
h e r e x p e r i e n c e s w e r e o u t of t h e o r d i n a r y , I a s k e d
h e r t o tell t h e m in s o m e detail. By t h e n s h e was in
a m o o d t o talk, a n d s h e a g r e e d . O n l y t h e n d i d I
p u t t h e b o o k in m y b a g a n d w i t h u n d i v i d e d a t t e n -
tion listen to h e r story.
W h e n I was f i f t e e n I was m a r r i e d to Lin Yin-
c h ' i a o o f t h e C h i n g - c h a o a r e a . My h u s b a n d r a n
t h e s u g a r s h o p a r o u n d t h e c o r n e r f r o m us. Al-
t h o u g h h e s p e n t little t i m e at h o m e , this scarcely
affected our good relationship. During the three
o r f o u r years I s p e n t w i t h h i m , we n e v e r a r g u e d
o r h a d a d i f f e r e n c e of o p i n i o n . O n e d a y , h e c a m e
back f r o m t h e s h o p l o o k i n g t r o u b l e d a n d d e -
p r e s s e d . As s o o n as h e c a m e t h r o u g h t h e d o o r , h e
g r a s p e d m y h a n d s a n d said, " H s i - k u a n , b m y busi-
ness is r u i n e d . F r o m n o w o n I w o n ' t b e g o i n g back
to t h e s h o p a g a i n . "
a
Overseas Chinese r e f e r to their m o t h e r l a n d as " T ' a n g Shan," the lands of T ' a n g China.
b
It is customary for people of Fukienese origin to address one another by a d d i n g the suffix "kuan" to the given name, whether
it is a person of an older generation speaking to o n e of a younger, or a man a n d woman of the same generation addressing each
other.
TI-SHAN
W h e n I h e a r d this I h a d to ask, " W h y ? H a s
business b e e n b a d ? "
" N o , " h e said. " N o , I r u i n e d it myself. T h e s e
past c o u p l e of d a y s s o m e f r i e n d s h a v e b e e n u r g -
i n g m e to g a m b l e with t h e m . A t first I w o n q u i t e a
bit, b u t t h e n I lost e v e r y t h i n g e v e n t h e store's
e q u i p m e n t a n d f u r n i t u r e . I wish I h a d n ' t d o n e it
. . . I ' m really sorry; I can h a r d l y f a c e y o u . "
I was s t u n n e d f o r a while a n d c o u l d n ' t find t h e
r i g h t w o r d s t o c o n s o l e h i m . I was e v e n m o r e at a
loss f o r w o r d s to r e b u k e h i m .
H e saw m y t e a r s s t r e a m d o w n a n d h u r r i e d l y
w i p e d t h e m away as h e w e n t o n . "Ai, you've n e v e r
c r i e d in m y p r e s e n c e b e f o r e . T h e s e t e a r s y o u s h e d
b e f o r e m e n o w a r e like m o l t e n pellets of i r o n
d r i p p i n g o n e by o n e i n t o t h e d e p t h s of m y h e a r t .
It really h u r t s m e m o r e t h a n y o u . B u t y o u n e e d n ' t
w o r r y t o o m u c h : I'll simply look f o r s o m e capital
to set u p b u s i n e s s a g a i n . "
T h e n we two sat t h e r e wordlessly s t a r i n g i n t o
e a c h o t h e r ' s eyes. A l t h o u g h I h a d a f e w t h i n g s I
w a n t e d to set s t r a i g h t with h i m , w h e n e v e r I
l o o k e d at h i m , I felt as if h e h a d a k i n d o f d e -
monic p o w e r that, b e f o r e I could speak any
t h o u g h t , h a d l o n g since u n d e r s t o o d it. I c o u l d
only say, " F r o m n o w o n y o u ' d b e t t e r n o t t h r o w
y o u r m o n e y away! Y o u ' v e got to realize t h a t g a m -
bling . . ."
H e was at h o m e , w i t h o u t a j o b , f o r a l m o s t t h r e e
m o n t h s . It t u r n e d o u t t h a t w e c o u l d get a l o n g o n
t h e m o n e y I h a d saved, so t h e r e was n o n e e d f o r
h i m to w o r r y a b o u t a livelihood. H e w o u l d b e o u t
t h e w h o l e d a y to b o r r o w m o n e y f o r capital, b u t
u n f o r t u n a t e l y n o o n e t r u s t e d h i m e n o u g h to l o a n
h i m a p e n n y . H e was so d e s p e r a t e t h a t h e finally
d e c i d e d to m i g r a t e to S o u t h e a s t Asia.
By t h e t i m e h e was r e a d y t o leave f o r Singa-
p o r e , I h a d all t h e t h i n g s h e w o u l d n e e d , i n c l u d -
i n g a p a i r of j a d e b r a c e l e t s to sell at A m o y f o r
travel e x p e n s e s . H e w a n t e d to t a k e a d v a n t a g e of
t h e m o r n i n g t i d e in l e a v i n g f o r A m o y , so t h e day
b e f o r e we w e r e to p a r t we t a l k e d all t h r o u g h t h e
n i g h t . T h e n e x t m o r n i n g I saw h i m o f f o n t o a small
 THE MERCI
boat a n d t h e n walked back alone, my m i n d trou-
bled. I sat d o w n at my desk t h i n k i n g that most
m e n w h o w e n t to Southeast Asia n e v e r missed
their h o m e s o r t h o u g h t of their families, a n d I
w o n d e r e d w h e t h e r h e would be like t h e m . As I
was still lost in this t h o u g h t , a trail of h u r r i e d
footsteps s t o p p e d at t h e d o o r . I r e c o g n i z e d t h e m
as his a n d quickly got u p a n d o p e n e d t h e d o o r .
"Did you leave s o m e t h i n g b e h i n d ? " I asked.
"No," h e r e p l i e d . "I f o r g o t to tell you some-
thing. W h e n I get t h e r e , n o m a t t e r w h a t I'm
doing, I'll write you. If I d o n ' t r e t u r n in five or six
years, you c o m e look f o r m e . "
"All right," I said. "You h a d to c o m e back to tell
m e this? W h e n t h e time c o m e s I'll k n o w w h a t I
should do. It's g e t t i n g late. You'd b e t t e r h u r r y
back to the boat!"
H e p r e s s e d my h a n d s , heaved a long sigh, a n d
t h e n t u r n e d a n d left. I w a t c h e d h i m until h e
r e a c h e d t h e e d g e of t h e b a n y a n tree's s h a d e a n d
saw him d e s c e n d the long dike, b e f o r e I closed
the d o o r .
I was twenty that year w h e n I p a r t e d f r o m Lin
Yin-ch'iao. A f t e r h e left h o m e only two letters
came, o n e saying h e h a d o p e n e d a g r o c e r y store
in T a n j o n g P a g a r in S i n g a p o r e a n d that business
was good. T h e o t h e r said h e was q u i t e occupied
with business a n d c o u l d n ' t a f f o r d to c o m e h o m e .
For m a n y years I waited f o r h i m to c o m e back f o r
a r e u n i o n , b u t year a f t e r year my h o p e s w e r e in
vain.
T h e w o m a n w h o lived n e x t d o o r o f t e n u r g e d
m e to go to Southeast Asia a n d look f o r him.
W h e n I gave this some t h o u g h t , I realized we h a d
b e e n s e p a r a t e d f o r ten years. T o go s e a r c h i n g f o r
him, even if it w e r e n ' t easy, would b e m u c h better
t h a n s u f f e r i n g alone at h o m e . I got t o g e t h e r the
m o n e y I h a d saved, t u r n e d the h o u s e over to the
care of a village family n a m e d J u n g , a n d went to
A m o y to take ship. Since this was t h e first time I
h a d g o n e a b r o a d , of course I c o u l d n ' t get used to
t h e rocking of t h e ship in r o u g h seas, so w h e n I
a r r i v e d in S i n g a p o r e , a f t e r w h a t s e e m e d to be
ages, I was h a p p i e r t h a n I'll ever be again. I asked
s o m e o n e to take m e to t h e Yi-ho-ch'eng Grocery
in T a n j o n g Pagar. I can't p u t into w o r d s the ex-
c i t e m e n t I felt. I saw that business in the s h o p was
ANT'S WIFE
f u r i o u s a n d t h e r e was n o n e e d to w o n d e r a b o u t
the success my h u s b a n d h a d e n j o y e d in those ten
years, since I could see it displayed right b e f o r e
my eyes.
N o n e of the e m p l o y e e s in t h e store knew m e , so
I told t h e m w h o I was a n d why I h a d come. A
y o u n g clerk said to m e , " T h e boss d i d n ' t c o m e
d o w n today. I'll take you to his h o m e . " Only t h e n
did I realize that my h u s b a n d d i d n ' t live in t h e
s h o p ; at the same time I guessed h e h a d m a r r i e d
again. If not, he certainly w o u l d n ' t have k e p t a
s e p a r a t e " h o m e . " O n t h e way I tried to s o u n d o u t
t h e clerk a bit, a n d it was j u s t as I'd e x p e c t e d !
T h e rickshaw w o u n d a b o u t t h r o u g h the streets
a n d s t o p p e d at a two-story, half-Chinese, half-
f o r e i g n building. T h e clerk said, "I'll go in first
a n d tell the boss." I was left outside, a n d it was
quite s o m e time b e f o r e h e c a m e back o u t a n d
said, " T h e boss has g o n e o u t this m o r n i n g a n d
isn't back yet. His wife asks you to go in a n d wait a
while. Maybe he'll be h o m e soon." H e took my
two cloth b u n d l e s t h a t was my only b a g g a g e
a n d I followed him in.
I saw t h a t the r o o m s w e r e plushly f u r n i s h e d .
T h e so-called "boss's wife" was a Malay w o m a n .
She c a m e o u t a n d n o d d e d p e r f u n c t o r i l y . As f a r as
I could see h e r m a n n e r was most d i s r e s p e c t f u l ,
b u t I d i d n ' t u n d e r s t a n d Southeast Asian customs,
so I j u s t r e t u r n e d h e r g r e e t i n g . She was w e a r i n g
h u g e d i a m o n d s a n d pearls in h e r hair. A m o n g the
precious stones, gold, a n d silver t h a t she wore,
h e r swarthy face was c o n s p i c u o u s in its u n b e a r a -
ble ugliness. She e x c h a n g e d polite pleasantries with
m e a n d h a d s o m e o n e b r i n g m e a c u p of c o f f e e
while she herself stayed to o n e side, smoking,
c h e w i n g betel n u t , a n d not e n g a g i n g m e in m u c h
conversation. I t h o u g h t that was d u e to the u n c e r -
tainties of a first m e e t i n g , a n d t h u s d i d n ' t d a r e ask
h e r too m a n y questions. A f t e r a s h o r t time I
h e a r d t h e s o u n d of horses c o m i n g f r o m the m a i n
gate straight u p to the portico a n d guessed it was
my h u s b a n d r e t u r n i n g . I saw that h e was m u c h
f a t t e r t h a n ten years ago a n d s p o r t e d a potbelly.
H e h a d a cigar in his m o u t h , a n d was c a r r y i n g an
ivory stick in his h a n d . As h e got o u t of the car-
riage a n d s t o p p e d in t h e d o o r , h e h u n g his hat on
t h e rack. Seeing m e seated to o n e side, h e was j u s t
44 HS
a b o u t to ask m e s o m e t h i n g w h e n t h a t Malay
w o m a n s t e p p e d f o r w a r d a n d m u r m u r e d a buzz of
w o r d s at h i m . A l t h o u g h I d i d n ' t u n d e r s t a n d w h a t
she said, I c o u l d tell f r o m h e r e x p r e s s i o n t h a t s h e
w a s n ' t h a p p y at all.
My h u s b a n d t u r n e d to m e a n d said, " H s i - k u a n ,
w h y d i d n ' t you give m e a n y n o t i c e b e f o r e you
d e c i d e d to c o m e ? W h o m a d e y o u t a k e t h e t r i p ? " I
h a d t h o u g h t t h a t o n c e h e saw m e , h e w o u l d b e
s u r e to say s o m e t e n d e r w o r d s ; I h a d n e v e r
d r e a m e d that he'd angrily d e m a n d an explana-
tion! T h e n I s u p p r e s s e d m y d i s g r u n t l e d f e e l i n g s
a n d f o r c e d a smile, saying, " B u t Yin-ko, 4 you
k n o w t h a t I can't write. A n d t h a t l e t t e r w r i t e r in
t h e village, M r . W a n g , o f t e n writes t h e w r o n g
w o r d s f o r p e o p l e , e v e n to t h e p o i n t of g e t t i n g t h e
w r o n g m e a n i n g across. So I d i d n ' t w a n t h i m to
w r i t e f o r m e . Besides, I ' d m a d e u p m y m i n d t o
c o m e look f o r y o u , a n d s o o n e r o r l a t e r I still
w o u l d h a v e h a d t o set o u t . W h y waste all t h e t i m e
a n d e f f o r t ? D i d n ' t you say t h a t if y o u h a d n ' t re-
t u r n e d in five o r six y e a r s I s h o u l d c o m e ? "
" S o y o u c a m e u p with this brilliant i d e a o n y o u r
own, h u h ? " my h u s b a n d scoffed.
W h e n h e finished he went straight into the
h o u s e . W h a t h e said p r o v e d t h a t h e was a d i f -
f e r e n t m a n f r o m ten years ago. I couldn't u n d e r -
s t a n d t h e r e a s o n b e h i n d all this. W a s it b e c a u s e I
was g e t t i n g old, losing m y c h a r m ? B u t I felt t h a t I
was so m u c h p r e t t i e r t h a n t h a t Malay w o m a n .
C o u l d it be a n a c c u s a t i o n o f m i s c o n d u c t ? B u t I
h a d p l e a s e d h i m all t h e y e a r s we h a d b e e n m a r -
ried a n d h a d never g o n e beyond my bounds. T o
this d a y I h a v e n ' t b e e n able to f i g u r e o u t t h e r i d -
d l e of Yin-ko.
H e p u t m e u p o n t h e g r o u n d floor, a n d f o r
s e v e n o r e i g h t d a y s d i d n ' t c o m e to m y r o o m e v e n
t o s p e a k to m e . T h a t Malay w o m a n , h o w e v e r , was
v e r y h o s p i t a b l e . S h e c a m e a n d told m e , " Y i n - k o
h a s b e e n r a t h e r u p s e t t h e s e past f e w d a y s b e c a u s e
you showed up. But don't worry too m u c h about
it; in a f e w d a y s h e w o n ' t be a n g r y a n y m o r e .
W e ' r e invited to d i n n e r t o n i g h t . W h y d o n ' t y o u g o
get d r e s s e d a n d we'll g o t o g e t h e r ? "
T h e s e sweet w o r d s of h e r s c o m p l e t e l y d i s p e l l e d
4
" K o " is "brother," used here as a suffix of affection.
TI-SHAN
m y f o r m e r suspicions a b o u t h e r . I p u t o n a lake-
g r e e n c o t t o n b l o u s e a n d a b r i g h t r e d skirt. W h e n
she saw t h e m s h e c o u l d n ' t r e p r e s s h e r l a u g h t e r . I
felt like a c o u n t r y b u m p k i n f r o m h e a d to toe a n d
was q u i t e e m b a r r a s s e d .
" T h a t ' s all r i g h t , " s h e said. " O u r h o s t s a r e n ' t
f r o m ' T ' a n g l a n d s . ' T h e y certainly w o n ' t n o t i c e
w h e t h e r y o u ' r e w e a r i n g t h e latest f a s h i o n s . Let's
go, t h e n ! "
T h e horse-drawn carriage went on for some
t i m e a n d t h e n p a s s e d t h r o u g h a g r o v e of c o c o n u t
t r e e s b e f o r e a r r i v i n g at o u r hosts'. J u s t i n s i d e t h e
g a t e was a very l a r g e g a r d e n , a n d as I f o l l o w e d
h e r i n t o t h e sitting r o o m , I l o o k e d a b o u t m e .
T h e y really h a d a s t r a n g e b a n q u e t set u p . All t h e
f e m a l e g u e s t s w e r e Malays o r I n d i a n s , a n d t h e y
w e r e in t h e m i d s t of a n a n i m a t e d a n d in-
c o m p r e h e n s i b l e c o n v e r s a t i o n . My h u s b a n d ' s
Malay wife l e f t m e by myself a n d w e n t o v e r to
c h a t with t h e m . B e f o r e l o n g s h e l e f t w i t h a
w o m a n . I t h o u g h t t h e y h a d g o n e f o r a walk in t h e
g a r d e n , a n d d i d n ' t pay m u c h a t t e n t i o n . B u t a f t e r
a g o o d d e a l of t i m e , w h e n t h e y h a d n ' t r e t u r n e d , I
b e c a m e a little a n x i o u s a n d said to o n e of t h e
w o m e n p r e s e n t , " W h e r e d i d t h e lady w h o c a m e in
with m e go?" A l t h o u g h she c o u l d get m y m e a n -
ing, I d i d n ' t u n d e r s t a n d a w o r d of w h a t s h e said
in r e p l y .
I sat o n a c u s h i o n , m y h e a r t b e a t i n g violently. A
s e r v a n t b r o u g h t a p o t of w a t e r a n d g e s t u r e d to-
w a r d t h e set table. I saw t h e o t h e r s w a s h t h e i r
h a n d s a n d realized t h a t it was a c u s t o m b e f o r e
e a t i n g . So I w a s h e d m y h a n d s . T h e y s h o w e d m e
to a table. I d i d n ' t h a v e t h e f a i n t e s t i d e a w h e r e I
was s u p p o s e d t o sit a n d simply t o o k t h e p l a c e t h e y
d i r e c t e d m e to. T h e y p r a y e d b e f o r e t h e y selected
what food they wanted, with their hands, f r o m
t h e platters. T h e first t i m e I p i c k e d u p s o m e t h i n g
t o eat with m y f i n g e r s , it was c e r t a i n l y u n w i e l d y ,
b u t t h e y t a u g h t m e h o w to d o it. A t t h a t t i m e I
was very t r o u b l e d by t h e a b s e n c e of t h a t Malay
w o m a n o f m y h u s b a n d ' s , so I wasn't a b l e to c o n -
c e n t r a t e o n e a t i n g o r socializing. A f t e r t h e tables
w e r e c l e a r e d , t h e g u e s t s kissed m e w i t h a smile
a n d left.
 THE MERCHANT'S
I too w a n t e d t o follow t h e m o u t t h e d o o r , b u t
t h e mistress of t h e h o u s e told m e to wait a bit. I
g e s t u r e d to h e r in m u t e talk, a n d w e w e r e d y i n g
with l a u g h t e r w h e n a n I n d i a n m a n in his fifties
c a m e in f r o m o u t s i d e . T h e w o m a n h u r r i e d l y g o t
u p a n d said a f e w w o r d s to h i m , a n d t h e n t h e y sat
d o w n t o g e t h e r . E n c o u n t e r i n g a s t r a n g e m a n while
in a f o r e i g n place, I was n a t u r a l l y a b a s h e d . T h a t
m a n w a l k e d u p to m e a n d said, " H e l l o , y o u m i n e
now. I u s e m o n e y to b u y y o u . It g o o d y o u stay
h e r e . " A l t h o u g h h e s p o k e C h i n e s e , his s y n t a x , ac-
cent, a n d t o n e s w e r e all w r o n g . W h e n I h e a r d h i m
say h e h a d b o u g h t m e , I c o u l d n ' t h e l p b u r s t i n g
i n t o tears. T h e w o m a n was at m y side c o m f o r t i n g
m e , t r y i n g to b e nice a b o u t it. It was a f t e r n i n e ,
a n d t h e y told m e to g o in a n d sleep, b u t I simply
sat, fully d r e s s e d , t h r o u g h t h e n i g h t o f f t o o n e
side of t h e sitting r o o m . H o w c o u l d I h a v e ^ d o n e
as t h e y said?
Sir, h e a r i n g this m u c h of m y story y o u c e r t a i n l y
m u s t be w o n d e r i n g w h y I d i d n ' t c h o o s e to die.
Well, I h a d t h e s a m e t h o u g h t s t h e n , b u t t h e y
g u a r d e d m e like a p r i s o n e r n o m a t t e r w h a t t i m e
it was t h e r e was s o m e o n e with m e . j s t i m e w e n t
o n , m y violent e m o t i o n s s u b s i d e d ; I gave u p w a n t -
i n g to d i e a n d d e c i d e d t o live this life o f m i n e
t h r o u g h a n d see w h a t f a t e h a d in s t o r e f o r m g j
T h e m a n w h o b o u g h t m e was A h u j a , a n I n d i a n
M u s l i m f r o m M a d r a s . H e was a s e r g e m e r c h a n t ,
a n d since h e h a d m a d e a f o r t u n e in S i n g a p o r e ,
h e w a n t e d to t a k e a n o t h e r w o m a n h o m e w i t h h i m
to e n j o y life. A n d m y ill f a t e b r o u g h t m e to this
c h a n c e , t u r n i n g m e i n t o his f o r e i g n c u r i o . B e f o r e
I h a d lived a m o n t h in S i n g a p o r e , h e t o o k m e t o
Madras.
A h u j a gave m e t h e n a m e Liya. H e m a d e m e u n -
b i n d m y f e e t a n d p i e r c e d a h o l e in m y n o s e , h a n g -
i n g a d i a m o n d n o s e r i n g t h r o u g h it. H e said t h a t
a c c o r d i n g to t h e i r c u s t o m s e v e r y m a r r i e d w o m a n
h a d t o w e a r a n o s e r i n g , since t h a t was t h e sign of
a wife. H e also h a d m e w e a r a fine kurta,c a ma-la-
mu,d a n d a p a i r of ai-san.e F r o m t h e n o n I b e c a m e
a Muslim w o m a n .
c d c
Muslim woman's u p p e r garment. A bodice. Trousers.
'Surma is generally used only by men. It is a p o w d e r applied to an iron rod a n d then inserted into the eyes by the traditional
Muslim vendor. It is intended as a cooling agent. Colerium, o f t e n called surma, is used as a sort of eyeshadow and is probably in-
tended here.
WIFE 45
A h u j a h a d five wivessix i n c l u d i n g m e . A m o n g
t h o s e five I g o t a l o n g best with t h e t h i r d . T h e
r e m a i n d e r I detested, because they o f t e n took ad-
v a n t a g e of m y n o t b e i n g able t o s p e a k t h e i r lan-
g u a g e a n d m a d e f u n of m e too. My small f e e t
w e r e n a t u r a l l y a rarity a m o n g t h e m : a l t h o u g h
they couldn't stop touching t h e m , I didn't take of-
f e n s e . W h a t I h a t e d was t h a t t h e y told tales to
Ahuja about me and made me suffer.
A k o l i m a was t h e n a m e of A h u j a ' s t h i r d w i f e
s h e was t h e v e r y s a m e w o m a n w h o h a d a r r a n g e d
t h a t d i n n e r w h e n I was sold. S h e was q u i t e f o n d
of m e , o f t e n u r g i n g m e to u s e surmaf t o line my
eyes, a n d to d y e m y nails a n d p a l m s with b a l s a m
flowers. M u s l i m w o m e n u s e t h e s e t h i n g s daily, as
we C h i n e s e e m p l o y r o u g e a n d p o w d e r . S h e also
t a u g h t m e to r e a d Bengali a n d Arabic. I r e m e m -
b e r e d t h a t b e c a u s e I c o u l d n ' t w r i t e a letter, I h a d
given Y i n - k o a n e x c u s e a n d e n d e d u p in this p r e -
d i c a m e n t . T h e r e f o r e , in this p e r i o d w h e n I h a d n ' t
a single f r i e n d o r relative a r o u n d , I w a n t e d to use
t h e t i m e to w o r k h a r d at l e a r n i n g to r e a d a bit. Al-
t h o u g h A k o l i m a was n o t m u c h of a scholar, she
was m o r e t h a n g o o d e n o u g h t o b e m y t e a c h e r . I
s t u d i e d a y e a r with h e r a n d t h e n c o u l d actually
write! S h e told m e t h a t in t h e i r r e l i g i o n t h e r e was
a holy b o o k , w h i c h wasn't readily g i v e n t o w o m e n ,
b u t t h a t l a t e r she w o u l d b e s u r e to b r i n g it to
t e a c h m e . S h e always said to m e , " Y o u r f a t e has
b e e n s u c h a p a i n f u l o n e b e c a u s e it was p r e d e t e r -
m i n e d by A l l a h . D o n ' t k e e p t h i n k i n g of y o u r f a m -
ily! S o m e d a y it's possible t h a t g r e a t h a p p i n e s s will
d e s c e n d u p o n y o u , a n d it'd b e too m u c h f o r you
to e n j o y . " A t t h a t t i m e s u c h fatalistic w o r d s of
c o m f o r t c o u l d actually raise m y spirits s o m e w h a t .
A l t h o u g h I n e v e r felt a wife's love f o r A h u j a , I
h a d to live with h i m as m a n a n d wife. A h ! T h i s
child of m i n e (as she s p o k e she s t r o k e d t h e child's
h e a d w i t h h e r h a n d ) was b o r n t h e y e a r a f t e r we
a r r i v e d in M a d r a s . I was o v e r t h i r t y w h e n I be-
c a m e p r e g n a n t a n d h a d n e v e r in all m y life e x p e -
r i e n c e d s u c h p a i n . F o r t u n a t e l y , A k o l i m a was
t h o u g h t f u l a n d o f t e n c o m f o r t e d m e with h e r
46 HS TI-SHAN

w o r d s , d i s t r a c d n g m e f r o m t h e p a i n of t h a t t i m e . d o i n g h e r e ? " As h e w e n t back in, so a n g r y t h a t his

O n c e w h e n s h e saw t h e p a i n was p a r t i c u l a r l y b a d , e n t i r e b o d y t r e m b l e d , h e p o i n t e d his finger at
s h e said to m e , " H e y , Liya! B e s t r o n g ! W e d o n ' t A k o l i m a a n d said, " W h o told y o u t o give m o n e y
h a v e t h e f o r t u n e of t h e fig tree, g a n d so we c a n ' t to that B r a h m a n woman? You stained your own
avoid the strain of pregnancy. W h e n you're going reputation! Not just your own, but mine a n d that
t h r o u g h p a i n f u l times, a p p e a l to Allah. If h e h a s of Islam. M-sh-Allh!5 T a k e o f f y o u r burqa h im-
pity o n you, he'll g r a n t y o u p e a c e . " S h e h e l p e d m e mediately!"
a lot w h e n I was a b o u t t o give b i r t h . E v e n t o d a y I I h e a r d clearly f r o m inside, b u t t h o u g h t t h a t ev-
c a n n o t f o r g e t h e r k i n d n e s s to m e . e r y t h i n g w o u l d b e n o r m a l a g a i n a f t e r t h e scold-
Not m o r e t h a n f o u r m o n t h s after I gave birth, a ing. W h o w o u l d h a v e k n o w n t h a t in n o t i m e at all
d i s a p p o i n t i n g t u r n of e v e n t s d i s t r e s s e d m e : I was A k o l i m a w o u l d c o m e in b a t t i n g t e a r s as b i g as
s e p a r a t e d f r o m m y g o o d f r i e n d . S h e d i d n ' t die, p e a r l s f r o m h e r eyelashes, a n d say t o m e , "Liya,
b u t I'll n e v e r find o u t w h e r e s h e w e n t . W h y d i d we'll h a v e to say g o o d b y e . " W h e n I h e a r d this I
A k o l i m a leave m e ? It's a l o n g story, b u t p r o b a b l y was s h o c k e d a n d a s k e d i m m e d i a t e l y , " W h a t d o
it was m y f a u l t . you m e a n ? I d o n ' t u n d e r s t a n d . "
We h a d a young, eighteen-year-old widow next " D i d n ' t y o u h e a r h i m ask m e to t a k e o f f m y
d o o r t o us n a m e d H o n n a . S h e h a d b e e n w i d o w e d veil? T h a t m e a n s h e ' s d i s o w n i n g m e . I'll h a v e to
since s h e was f o u r . H e r m o t h e r t r e a t e d h e r c r u - r e t u r n to m y f a m i l y r i g h t n o w . Y o u n e e d n ' t feel
elly, b u t t h a t wasn't e n o u g h . S h e told h e r t h a t h e r s o r r y f o r m y sake, f o r a f t e r a c o u p l e o f d a y s w h e n
sins a c c u m u l a t e d f r o m h e r past lives w e r e g r e a t , his a n g e r subsides, he'll p r o b a b l y h a v e m e c o m e
a n d if s h e d i d n ' t p a y f o r t h e m t h r o u g h s u f f e r i n g , back."
s h e w o u l d n o t b e r e d e e m e d in h e r n e x t life. Ev- I was so g r i e f - s t r i c k e n , I d i d n ' t k n o w w h a t t o
e r y t h i n g t h a t she ate o r w o r e was w o r s e t h a n o t h - say to c o m f o r t h e r . W e s o b b e d in e a c h o t h e r ' s
ers'. S h e o f t e n w e p t secretly in t h e back y a r d . a r m s a n d t h e n p a r t e d . I n d e e d , as t h e c o u p l e t
Since h e r g a r d e n was s e p a r a t e d f r o m o u r s o n l y by goes, " T h o s e w h o kill a n d b u r n w e a r m o n e y b e l t s ;
a h e d g e , w h e n I h e a r d h e r there, crying, I would T h o s e w h o r e p a i r b r i d g e s a n d fix r o a d s t u r n i n t o
g o a n d c h a t with h e r , s o m e t i m e s t o c o m f o r t , l e p e r s . " W h a t a n a p t d e s c r i p t i o n of h u m a n life!
s o m e t i m e s to o f f e r s o m e t h i n g to eat, a n d s o m e - A f t e r A k o l i m a left, m y d e s o l a t e a n d s o r r o w f u l
t i m e s to give h e r a little m o n e y . d a y s s t a r t e d all o v e r a g a i n . T h e r e w e r e simply n o
W h e n A k o l i m a first saw m e h e l p t h e girl, s h e feelings of f r i e n d s h i p between Ahuja's f o u r o t h e r
d i d n ' t feel it was r i g h t at all. I e x p l a i n e d to h e r w o m e n a n d m y s e l f . As f o r A h u j a , as s o o n as I saw
t i m e a f t e r t i m e t h a t a n y o n e in C h i n a c o u l d receive t h a t t h i n s t r i p o f a d a r k face, w i t h a b e a r d like t h e
s o m e o n e ' s aid r e g a r d l e s s of c r e e d . S h e was i n f l u - spines of a p o r c u p i n e , I w o u l d b e filled w i t h loath-
e n c e d by m e a n d l a t e r also s h o w e d c o m p a s s i o n i n g a n d wish t h a t h e w o u l d leave t h e n e x t s e c o n d .
h e r s e l f f o r t h a t widow. My d a y - t o - d a y life c o n s i s t e d of n u r t u r i n g m y
O n e d a y j u s t as A k o l i m a was h a n d i n g a f e w child; a s i d e f r o m t h a t t h e r e was n o t h i n g to d o . I
pieces o f silver to H o n n a t h r o u g h t h e h e d g e , she was so f r i g h t e n e d by A k o l i m a ' s i n c i d e n t t h a t I n o
was accidentally s e e n by A h u j a . H e k e p t q u i e t a n d l o n g e r d a r e d v e n t u r e i n t o t h e g a r d e n f o r a stroll.
t i p t o e d u p b e h i n d h e r , g a v e h e r a slap a n d yelled, A few m o n t h s later my p a i n f u l days were about
" Y o u little bitch! You d i r t y sow! W h a t a r e y o u over, since A h u j a r e t u r n e d t h r o u g h a n illness t o
g
T h i s reference to the fig tree alludes to the Koran, where it is recorded that A d a m a n d Eve, having been lured by the devil A-
chatsei to eat the fruit Allah had f o r b i d d e n them to, noticed immediately that their heavenly garments had vanished. T h e y
were ashamed by their nakedness a n d tried to borrow leaves f r o m a tree in Eden to cover their bodies. Since they violated Allah's
c o m m a n d , n o n e of the various types of trees d a r e d loan t h e m any. Only the fig tree, moved by their pitifulness, generously
loaned them a few leaves. Allah a p p r o v e d of this conduct by the fig tree and c o n f e r r e d u p o n it the capability of p r o d u c i n g fruit
without going t h r o u g h the pain of blossoming a n d being disturbed by the bees a n d butterflies.
5
H s Ti-shan's original gloss for this phrase is "Allah forbid." However, it should m e a n "As Allah wills."
h
A veil.

THE MERCHANT'S
his P a r a d i s e . I h a d h e a r d A k o l i m a say b e f o r e t h a t
one h u n d r e d a n d thirty days after a h u s b a n d ' s
d e a t h a wife b e c a m e f r e e , a n d c o u l d pick a n o t h e r
m a t c h of h e r c h o o s i n g . Originally, I w a n t e d to
wait u n t i l t h a t p r e s c r i b e d d a y b e f o r e leaving, b u t
t h o s e f o u r w o m e n w e r e a f r a i d I'd t a k e a d v a n t a g e
of t h e m in t h e i n h e r i t a n c e , b e c a u s e I h a d a chilli,
so t h e y p u t v a r i o u s p r e s s u r e s o n m e to d r i v e m e
out. I still can't b e a r to talk a b o u t t h e i r s c h e m e s .
H o n n a u r g e d m e to flee to h e r o l d e r sister's.
She told m e t o s e n d a little m o n e y t o h e r b r o t h e r -
in-law, a n d t h e n I c o u l d t a k e s h e l t e r w i t h t h e m .
I ' d a l r e a d y m e t h e r sister o n c e , a n d s h e was a
g o o d p e r s o n . W h e n I t h o u g h t a b o u t it, r u n n i n g
away d i d n ' t s e e m like s u c h a b a d i d e a a f t e r all.
T h o s e f o u r w o m e n w e r e t r e a c h e r o u s by n a t u r e ,
a n d if I'd b e e n c a u g h t in t h e i r s c h e m e s , I ' d h a v e
h a d it. H o n n a ' s b r o t h e r - i n - l a w lived in A r c o t . I set
t h i n g s u p w i t h h e r a n d told h e r to let m e k n o w
when she f o u n d a good opportunity.
A w e e k later, H o n n a told m e h e r m o t h e r h a d
left t o w n a n d w o u l d n ' t be back until late at n i g h t ,
a n d I s h o u l d c l i m b across t h e h e d g e . T h i s wasn't
a n easy m a t t e r , b e c a u s e it m u s t b e d o n e so t h a t I
w o u l d n ' t c a u s e H o n n a to s u f f e r a f t e r w a r d . M o r e -
over, a b a r b e d w i r e r a n a l o n g t h e t o p of t h e
h e d g e , m a k i n g it d i f f i c u l t f o r m e . I p e e r e d u p at
t h e j a c k f r u i t t r e e g r o w i n g n e x t to t h e h e d g e o n e
b r a n c h s t r e t c h e d o v e r to h e r side, a n d t h e t r e e
h a d g r o w n at a s l a n t e d a n g l e . I told h e r to wait
until e v e r y t h i n g was q u i e t a n d t h e n to s t a n d r e a d y
u n d e r n e a t h the tree.
As it h a p p e n e d , t h e r o o m I lived in h a d a small
door leading into the garden. T h a t evening, when
t h e r e was j u s t a little starlight in t h e sky, I p a c k e d
my clothes a n d v a l u a b l e s i n t o a bag, p u t o n two
e x t r a layers of c l o t h i n g , a n d was j u s t a b o u t t o
leave w h e n I saw m y child s l e e p i n g t h e r e . I really
d i d n ' t w a n t to t a k e h i m a l o n g , b u t was a f r a i d t h a t
w h e n h e w o k e h e ' d see I wasn't t h e r e a n d w o u l d
cry. So I s t o p p e d f o r a m o m e n t a n d p i c k e d h i m
u p in m y a r m s to let h i m n u r s e . O n l y w h e n h e was
n u r s i n g d i d I t r u l y feel t h a t I was his m o t h e r , a n d
a l t h o u g h I h a d n o e m o t i o n a l tie to his f a t h e r , I
h a d still b o r n e h i m . M o r e o v e r , o n c e I ' d g o n e , h e
1
A Muslim woman's outer garment.
8
WIFE
w o u l d certainly be ill-treated. As this t h o u g h t
c r o s s e d m y m i n d , t e a r s b u r s t f r o m my eyes. A n d
yet to a d d t h e b u r d e n of a child to t h e e s c a p e
w o u l d m a k e m y task e v e n h a r d e r . A f t e r I c o n s i d -
e r e d all this o v e r a n d o v e r a g a i n , I finally p u t h i m
o n m y back a n d in a low voice said to h i m , "If y o u
w a n t to b e a g o o d boy, d o n ' t cry! All r i g h t ? Y o u ' v e
got to s l e e p quietly too." F o r t u n a t e l y , it was as if h e
understood me then, and he didn't make much
noise. I l e f t a letter o n t h e b e d e x p l a i n i n g that I
was willing t o give u p t h o s e possessions d u e m e ,
a n d m y r e a s o n s f o r r u n n i n g away, t h e n w e n t o u t
t h a t small d o o r .
W i t h o n e h a n d I s t e a d i e d t h e child, with t h e
o t h e r c a r r i e d t h e bag, as I stole to t h e f o o t of t h e
j a c k f r u i t t r e e . I tied t h e b a g to a r o p e a n d slowly-
crawled u p the tree, stopping for a m o m e n t w h e n
I reached the extended branch. Just t h e n the
child g r u n t e d o n c e o r twice. I p a t t e d h i m lightly
a n d r o c k e d h i m a f e w times, t h e n p u l l e d t h e b a g
u p , tossing it o v e r to H o n n a . I c r a w l e d o v e r f u r -
ther a n d groped for the rope H o n n a had pre-
p a r e d f o r m e . I g r a s p e d it tightly to m e a n d slowly
let myself d o w n . My h a n d s c o u l d n ' t s t a n d t h e fric-
tion a n d w e r e c u t by t h e r o p e in n o t i m e .
After I had descended and thanked Honna, I
quickly l e f t h e r h o u s e . N o t f a r f r o m H o n n a ' s g a t e
was t h e A d y a r River. H o n n a w e n t with m e to r e n t
a boat. A f t e r she h a d e x p l a i n e d t h i n g s clearly, s h e
w e n t back. T h e h e l m s m a n was a n old c o d g e r a n d
p r o b a b l y d i d n ' t u n d e r s t a n d w h a t H o n n a said. H e
rowed m e to the Saidapet T e r m i n a l and bought a
ticket f o r m e . Since it was t h e first t i m e I h a d
t a k e n a t r a i n , I wasn't very clear a b o u t t h e r e g u l a -
tions of rail travel. W h e n h e told m e to get o n , I
j u s t d i d as I was told. O n l y a f t e r t h e t r a i n h a d
s t a r t e d a n d t h e c o n d u c t o r e x a m i n e d my t r a i n
ticket d i d I l e a r n I h a d b o a r d e d t h e w r o n g t r a i n .
W h e n it a r r i v e d at a n i n t e r m e d i a t e stop, I
quickly g o t o f f , i n t e n d i n g to wait f o r a r e t u r n
t r a i n . By t h a t t i m e it was t h e m i d d l e of t h e n i g h t ,
a n d t h e p e o p l e in t h e station said n o t r a i n w o u l d
b e g o i n g i n t o M a d r a s until d a w n . I was f o r c e d to
sit in t h e t r a n s i t l o u n g e . I s p r e a d m y Ma-chih-la'
o v e r m e a n d p u t m y h a n d s in m y pockets,
48 HS TI-SHAN
p r e t e n d i n g to sleep. A t a r o u n d t h r e e o r f o u r
o'clock, l o o k i n g u p by c h a n c e , I saw a very d i s t a n t
g l e a m of l a m p l i g h t t h r o u g h t h e railing. I quickly
w e n t t o t h e p l a t f o r m a n d , p o i n t i n g to t h e light,
q u e s t i o n e d t h e p e o p l e s t a n d i n g t h e r e . T h e r e was
o n e m a n w h o smiled a n d said, " T h i s w o m a n c a n ' t
tell o n e d i r e c t i o n f r o m a n o t h e r . S h e m i s t a k e s t h e
m o r n i n g star f o r t h e h e a d l i g h t o n a t r a i n . " T a k i n g
a g o o d look, I c o u l d n ' t h e l p l a u g h i n g as I said,
"I'll b e d a r n e d ! My eyes a r e n ' t s e e i n g r i g h t ! "
As I f a c e d V e n u s , I t h o u g h t of s o m e t h i n g A k o -
lima h a d said. S h e o n c e told m e t h a t t h a t star was
the transformation of a w o m a n who had been a
siren g o o d at b e w i t c h i n g m e n . B e c a u s e of this I
r e m e m b e r e d that the feeling between Yin-ko a n d
myself h a d b e e n basically g o o d , a n d t h a t if h e
h a d n ' t b e e n f o o l e d by t h a t f o r e i g n bitch, h e n e v e r
c o u l d h a v e s t o o d f o r h a v i n g his b e l o v e d first wife
sold o f f . My b e i n g sold c o u l d n ' t h a v e b e e n c o m -
pletely Yin-ko's responsibility. If I c o u l d h a v e
s t o o d t h o s e p a i n f u l d a y s in C h i n a , a n d if I h a d n ' t
d e c i d e d to g o to S i n g a p o r e to rely o n h i m , n o n e
of this w o u l d h a v e h a p p e n e d . As I t h o u g h t it
o v e r , I h a d t o smile at my o w n i m p u l s i v e n e s s in
fleeing. I f i g u r e d t h a t since I h a d m a d e it all r i g h t
o u t of t h e place, w h a t n e e d was t h e r e t o i m p o s e
o n H o n n a ' s sister? W h e n I h a d r e a c h e d this c o n -
clusion, I r e t u r n e d t o m y w a i t i n g place w i t h t h e
child in my a r m s a n d s u m m o n e d all m y e n e r g i e s
to resolve this q u e s t i o n . T h e t h i n g s I ' d r u n o f f
with a n d m y r e a d y cash t o g e t h e r w e r e w o r t h
m o r e t h a n t h r e e t h o u s a n d r u p e e s . If I lived in a
village, t h e y c o u l d s u p p o r t m y e x p e n s e s f o r t h e
rest of m y life. So I d e c i d e d o n a n i n d e p e n d e n t
life.
T h e stars in t h e sky o n e by o n e g a t h e r e d in
t h e i r light, until o n l y V e n u s still t w i n k l e d in t h e
east. As I l o o k e d at h e r , it was as if a voice b e a m e d
o u t f r o m h e r saying, " H s i - k u a n , f r o m n o w o n
d o n ' t t a k e m e f o r a w o m a n o u t to bewitch m e n .
Y o u s h o u l d k n o w t h a t n o t h i n g w h i c h is b r i g h t a n d
s t e r l i n g c o u l d bewitch. A m o n g all t h e stars, I a p -
p e a r first, to tell y o u t h a t d a r k n e s s will s o o n a r -
rive; I r e t u r n last, so t h a t y o u m a y receive t h e first
rays of t h e s u n o n m y heels. I ' m t h e b r i g h t e s t star
of t h e n i g h t . Y o u c o u l d t a k e m e as t h e d i l i g e n t
a w a k e n e r of y o u r h e a r t . " As I f a c e d h e r , I felt ex-
u b e r a n t , a n d c a n ' t d e s c r i b e t h e g r a t i t u d e I felt in
m y h e a r t . F r o m t h a t t i m e o n , w h e n e v e r I saw h e r ,
I always h a d a special f e e l i n g .
I i n q u i r e d a b o u t w h e r e a n i n n was to b e f o u n d ,
a n d e v e r y o n e said I'd h a v e to g o to C h i n g l e p e t to
find o n e . So I t o o k a n o t h e r t r a i n t h e r e . I d i d n ' t
live in t h e i n n f o r l o n g b e f o r e I m o v e d to m y o w n
home.
T h a t h o u s e was b o u g h t w i t h t h e m o n e y I g o t in
e x c h a n g e f o r m y d i a m o n d n o s e r i n g . It w a s n ' t
l a r g e o n l y two r o o m s a n d a small y a r d , with
p i n e a p p l e t r e e s p l a n t e d all a r o u n d as a n e n c l o s i n g
wall. A l t h o u g h I n d i a n - s t y l e h o m e s w e r e n ' t g o o d , I
loved t h e location n e a r to t h e village a n d c o u l d
n o t a f f o r d t o be b o t h e r e d by a p p e a r a n c e s e i t h e r
inside o r o u t s i d e . I h i r e d a n o l d w o m a n to h e l p
with t h e h o u s e k e e p i n g , a n d b e s i d e s r a i s i n g t h e
child, I was able to find t i m e t o r e a d s o m e I n d i a n
books.
E v e r y d a y at d u s k , a r a t h e r s o l e m n s o n g w o u l d
d r i f t to m y e a r s . I w e n t i n t o t h e g a r d e n f o r a look
a n d saw t h a t it c a m e f r o m a small h o u s e o p p o s i t e
m i n e . At first I d i d n ' t k n o w t h e p u r p o s e of t h e i r
singing, a n d only later d i d I u n d e r s t a n d t h e y w e r e
C h r i s t i a n s . I m e t t h e mistress o f t h e h o u s e , Eliza-
b e t h , b e f o r e l o n g . A n d I o f t e n w e n t t o t h e i r eve-
ning p r a y e r meetings. H e r family could be consid-
e r e d t h e first f r i e n d s I h a d in C h i n g l e p e t .
Elizabeth was a m o s t a m i c a b l e w o m a n . S h e
u r g e d m e to a t t e n d school. M o r e o e v e r , s h e p r o m -
ised to t a k e c a r e of t h e child f o r m e if I d i d . I felt
that only a p e r s o n completely without ambition
w o u l d idle away t h e days, so t h e very n e x t y e a r
she a r r a n g e d f o r m e to s t u d y at a w o m a n ' s school
in M a d r a s . I w e n t h o m e o n c e a m o n t h to visit m y
child. S h e t o o k c a r e of h i m f o r m e very well, so
t h a t I d i d n ' t h a v e to w o r r y .
Since while at school I h a d n o t h i n g to d i v e r t m y
a t t e n t i o n , m y g r a d e s w e r e very g o o d . I n this
p e r i o d of a b o u t six o r seven years, n o t only d i d
m y k n o w l e d g e p r o g r e s s , b u t m y beliefs also
c h a n g e d . A n d since g r a d u a t i o n I've w o r k e d as a
t e a c h e r in a small village n o t f a r f r o m C h i n g l e p e t .
So t h a t ' s m y w h o l e life in o u t l i n e ; if I w e r e t o g o
i n t o details, I c o u l d n ' t finish r e l a t i n g e v e r y t h i n g in
a year's t i m e .
N o w I ' m g o i n g to S i n g a p o r e to look f o r m y h u s -
 THE MERCHANT'S
b a n d , b e c a u s e I w a n t to k n o w j u s t w h o it was t h a t
sold m e . I firmly believe t h a t Y i n - k o c o u l d n ' t pos-
sibly h a v e a c c e p t e d it. E v e n if it was his i d e a , t h e n
s o m e d a y s o o n e r o r later he'll r e p e n t .
H s i - k u a n a n d I h a d b e e n t a l k i n g f o r two f u l l
h o u r s o r m o r e . S h e s p o k e very slowly, a n d t h e
child b o t h e r e d h e r f r o m t i m e to t i m e , so s h e h a d
n o t told m e a b o u t h e r s t u d e n t life in m u c h detail.
B e c a u s e s h e h a d t a l k e d f o r s u c h a l o n g time, 1 was
a f r a i d she w o u l d b e t i r e d o u t , a n d so I d i d n ' t g o
o n a s k i n g q u e s t i o n s . I j u s t said to h e r , " T h a t you
w e r e able to find y o u r way in life d u r i n g s u c h a
p e r i o d of d r i f t i n g is really a d m i r a b l e . If y o u
w o u l d like m e to h e l p y o u look f o r Y i n - k o t o m o r -
row w h e n we r e a c h S i n g a p o r e , I ' d be glad to d o
it."
"It's n o t really t h a t I ' m so s m a r t . T h i s way was
m e r e l y o n e o p e n e d f o r m e by s o m e u n k n o w n
h e a v e n l y m e n t o r . W h e n I was in school I was
m o v e d t h e m o s t by Pilgrim's Progress a n d Robinson
Crusoe. T h e s e two b o o k s gave m e m u c h c o m f o r t
a n d m a n y t h i n g s to l e a r n f r o m . N o w I ' m simply a
f e m a l e C r u s o e . If y o u w o u l d h e l p m e s e a r c h f o r
Yin-ko, I ' d b e v e r y g r a t e f u l . Since I d o n ' t really
k n o w S i n g a p o r e , t o m o r r o w I'll n e e d y o u r "
A t this p o i n t t h e child b e g a n p e s t e r i n g h e r t o g o
i n t o t h e c a b i n a n d get s o m e toys f o r h i m . S h e
stood u p , b u t c o n t i n u e d s p e a k i n g : " T o m o r r o w ,
I'll n e e d y o u r h e l p . "
I s t o o d u p a n d b o w e d as s h e left, t h e n sat back
d o w n to r e c o r d t h e c o n v e r s a t i o n w e ' d j u s t h a d in
my diary, which I carried with me.
After twenty-four hours some mountain peaks
a p p e a r e d f a i n t l y in t h e s o u t h e a s t . All t h e p e o p l e
o n t h e s h i p w e r e very busy. H s i - k u a n t o o a t t e n d e d
to p a c k i n g a n d d i d n ' t c o m e o u t o n d e c k . O n l y as
t h e s h i p was e n t e r i n g t h e h a r b o r d i d she a p p e a r ,
h o l d i n g h e r child by t h e h a n d . S h e sat with
m e o n a b e n c h . "Sir," s h e said to m e , "I n e v e r ex-
p e c t e d a c h a n c e to see this place a g a i n . T h e leaves
of t h e c o c o n u t t r e e s a r e still d a n c i n g ; t h e sea gulls
a b o v e t h e w a t e r a r e still flying back a n d f o r t h to
welcome strangers.
"My h a p p i n e s s is t h e s a m e as it was n i n e y e a r s
a g o w h e n I first m e t t h e m . I n t h e b l i n k of a n eye
these years have passedlike a n arrowyet I
WIFE 49
c a n ' t find a n y d i f f e r e n c e b e t w e e n w h a t I saw t h e n
a n d w h a t I see n o w . So t h e e x p r e s s i o n ' T i m e is
like a n a r r o w ' d o e s n ' t r e f e r to t h e s p e e d at w h i c h
a n a r r o w flies, b u t t o t h e a r r o w itself. F o r n o m a t -
t e r h o w fast t i m e flies, t h i n g s s h o w n o c h a n g e a s
s o m e t h i n g a t t a c h e d to a n a r r o w , a l t h o u g h it m a y
fly w i t h t h e a r r o w , d o e s n ' t go t h r o u g h any
c h a n g e s at all. B u t t h o u g h w h a t I see t o d a y j s t h e
s a m e , I h o p e Yin-ko's a f f e c t i o n s w o n ' t c h a n g e as
slowly as n a t u r a l p h e n o m e n a ; I h o p e he'll c h a n g e
his m i n d a n d a c c e p t m e n o w . "
"I k n o w h o w y o u feel," I said. "I h e a r d this s h i p
will m o o r at T a n j o n g P a g a r . I t h i n k t h a t w h e n we
a r r i v e , y o u s h o u l d wait o n b o a r d at first; I'll g o
a s h o r e to i n q u i r e a bit a n d t h e n c o m e back f o r
you. W h a t d o you think?"
" T h i s is g e t t i n g to b e m o r e a n d m o r e of a
b o t h e r t o y o u , " she said.
I w e n t a s h o r e a n d a s k e d at a g o o d n u m b e r of
h o m e s , b u t t h e y all said t h e y d i d n ' t k n o w a n y Lin
Y i n - c h ' i a o . I c o u l d n ' t find e v e n a t r a c e of t h e sign
f o r t h e g r o c e r y , " Y i - h o - c h ' e n g . " I was g e t t i n g des-
perate, and after being on my feet for the better
p a r t o f t h e day, a bit t i r e d , so I w e n t i n t o a C a n -
t o n e s e t e a h o u s e t o rest. By c h a n c e I p i c k e d u p a
c l u e t h e r e w h e n I q u e s t i o n e d t h e s h o p k e e p e r . Ac-
c o r d i n g t o h i m , b e c a u s e L i n Y i n - c h ' i a o h a d sold
his w i f e t o a n I n d i a n , h e i n c u r r e d t h e ill-feelings
of t h e n u m e r o u s C h i n e s e in this a r e a . A t t h a t time,
s o m e p e o p l e said it was his i d e a to sell h e r , o t h e r s
said it was t h a t f o r e i g n bitch w h o sold h e r ; in t h e
e n d it c o u l d n ' t b e said f o r s u r e w h o d i d it. B u t his
b u s i n e s s s u f f e r e d i m m e n s e l y b e c a u s e of this. H e
saw t h a t h e c o u l d n ' t stay in S i n g a p o r e a n y l o n g e r ,
a n d so closed his s h o p a n d m o v e d , lock, stock,
a n d b a r r e l , to s o m e o t h e r place.
W h e n I r e t u r n e d a n d h a d r e p o r t e d all t h a t I
h a d l e a r n e d to H s i - k u a n , a n d , m o r e o v e r , u r g e d
h e r to r e t u r n to C h i n a , s h e said, "I c a n n e v e r g o
back. W i t h this b r o w n - s k i n n e d child, as s o o n as I
got h o m e , p e o p l e w o u l d s h a m e m e a n d l a u g h at
m e . Besides, I c a n ' t r e a d C h i n e s e at all. If I w e n t ,
I ' d j u s t starve to d e a t h . I p l a n to stay in S i n g a p o r e
f o r a f e w days, to ask c a r e f u l l y a b o u t his w h e r e -
a b o u t s . If I c a n ' t l e a r n a n y t h i n g , I'll r e t u r n t o
I n d i a . Well, I've b e c o m e a n I n d i a n n o w ! "
F r o m w h a t I m a d e of t h e s i t u a t i o n , I truly c o u l d
50 HSU
n o t t h i n k o f a n y t h i n g to p e r s u a d e h e r to r e t u r n to
h e r h o m e t o w n , a n d j u s t s i g h e d a n d said, " Y o u r
life is really f u l l of m i s f o r t u n e , isn't it?"
B u t she smiled. "Sir, in all h u m a n a f f a i r s , t h e r e
is basically n o d i s t i n c t i o n b e t w e e n t h e p a i n f u l a n d
t h e p l e a s u r a b l e . W h e n y o u try too h a r d , it is p a i n -
f u l ; w h e n y o u h a v e h o p e , it is p l e a s u r a b l e . As
y o u ' r e actually d o i n g s o m e t h i n g , it is p a i n f u l , b u t
t o recall it is p l e a s u r a b l e . " I n o t h e r w o r d s , e v e r y -
t h i n g in t h e p r e s e n t is filled w i t h s u f f e r i n g . T h e
p a s t , recollections o f it, a n d h o p e a r e p l e a s a n t ^
Y e s t e r d a y , as I r e l a t e d m y e x p e r i e n c e s to y o u , y o u
felt t h e y w e r e p a i n f u l . My n a r r a t i o n of past cir-
c u m s t a n c e s , d i s p l a y e d b e f o r e y o u r eyes, led y o u to
feel t h a t t h e y w e r e e v e n t s in t h e p r e s e n t . If I re-
call t h e m m y s e l f t h e l o n g s e p a r a t i o n , b e i n g sold,
m y e s c a p e , e t c . n o n e of t h e s e e v e n t s a r e w i t h o u t
h a p p i n e s s . So you n e e d n ' t f e e l s o r r y f o r m e . Y o u
TI-SHAN
m u s t be a b l e to t a k e t h i n g s easy. I w o u l d o n l y ask
o n e t h i n g o f y o u : w h e n y o u g o b a c k t o C h i n a , if it
is c o n v e n i e n t , w o u l d y o u g o to m y village a n d let
my m o t h e r k n o w t h e latest news? S h e m u s t b e
o v e r s e v e n t y s h e lives in H u n g - c h i e n . She's t h e
only relative I h a v e l e f t in C h i n a . O u t s i d e h e r g a t e
t h e r e is a v e r y tall olive t r e e . I f you ask f o r M a m e
L i a n g , e v e r y o n e will k n o w . "
As t h e b o a t l e f t t h e d o c k , s h e s t o o d o n t h e s h o r e
waving m e off with a h a n d k e r c h i e f . T h a t sincere
e x p r e s s i o n o n h e r f a c e is s o m e t h i n g I c a n n e v e r
forget. Not m o r e t h a n a m o n t h a f t e r I got h o m e I
went to Hung-chien. T h e broken-down house
u n d e r t h e olive t r e e was sealed u p by old vines.
T h r o u g h a c r a c k in t h e d o o r I c o u l d see faintly
several sets o f r o t t i n g w o o d e n a n c e s t r y tablets o n
t h e table. H o w c o u l d t h e r e h a v e b e e n a M a m e
Liang there?
 Y-kuan
by Hs Ti-shan
Translated by Cecile Chu-chin
It seems that it was only yesterday, but, in fact,
some d e c a d e s h a v e g o n e by.
It was d u r i n g t h e First S i n o - J a p a n e s e W a r
[ 1 8 9 4 - 1 8 9 5 ] . Most of t h e p e o p l e a n d soldiers
w e r e a d d i c t e d to o p i u m ; they b e c a m e so e m a -
ciated that they h a r d l y looked h u m a n . Even those
w h o d i d n ' t s m o k e o p i u m w e r e as t o r p i d as figures
of clay. G u n s a n d battleships w e r e like f u n e r a l
utensils: m o r e decorative t h a n u s e f u l . A l t h o u g h
we h a d lost the war, not too m a n y p e o p l e s e e m e d
to m i n d it m u c h , n o r even to have s u f f e r e d f r o m
it. T h e r e were, however, some w h o w e r e directly
a f f e c t e d . Y - k u a n ' s h u s b a n d was o n e of t h e m . H e
was a sailor o n a battleship a n d was killed less
t h a n a n h o u r a f t e r the fighting started. At that
time, Y - k u a n was in a c o u n t y of h e r native Fu-
kien province with practically n o savings. W h a t
h e r h u s b a n d left h e r , aside f r o m a h o u s e slightly
bigger t h a n the t e m p l e of t h e local deity, was a
boy hardly two years old. She was only twenty-one
a n d still y o u n g e n o u g h to r e m a r r y if she wished.
But she t h o u g h t r e m a r r i a g e w o u l d be inconve-
nient with the child a r o u n d a n d t h a t it was better
that she b r i n g u p this fatherless child o n h e r own.
Should t h e child o n e day by c h a n c e get a g o v e r n -
m e n t post a n d apply o n h e r behalf f o r a p o s t h u -
m o u s title to h o n o r h e r chaste w i d o w h o o d , t h e n
a f t e r all h e r life w o u l d not have b e e n a total waste.
Ever since she m a d e u p h e r m i n d not to m a r r y
1
"Soo-Hang" is a short form for Soochow a n d Hangchow, respectively in Kiangsu and Chekiang provinces. Both cities are
noted for their scenic beauty, cultural heritage, textile products, and handicrafts. A Soo-Hang shop, however, does not deal in
products f r o m Soochow and Hangchow exclusively.
Sun
again, Y-kuan's d o o r h a d r e m a i n e d closed most
of t h e time. She e k e d o u t a living m a k i n g e m b r o i -
d e r e d tobacco bags f o r t h e S h o o - H a n g shop. 1 It
was impossible to get any h e l p f r o m h e r f r i e n d s or
relatives; she h a d very few to begin with anyway.
W h a t she e a r n e d was j u s t a b o u t e n o u g h to cover
f o o d a n d clothing. T o s e n d t h e child to a tutorial
class was utterly o u t of t h e q u e s t i o n , as she could
not e v e n a f f o r d to pay f o r the school supplies, not
to m e n t i o n the ten strings of cash f o r tuition each
year. Even if she sold the h o u s e , which she h a d n o
desire to do, she could get n o m o r e t h a n twenty
taels of silver. H e r h u s b a n d h a d a cousin, several
years h e r senior, w h o c a m e to visit h e r quite
f r e q u e n t l y . Every time h e came, h e u r g e d h e r to
have h e r h u s b a n d ' s coffin s h i p p e d h o m e f r o m
Wei-hai-wei. I n fact, n o b o d y knew f o r sure w h e r e
t h e body was, a n d his r e q u e s t was j u s t a way to
f o r c e Y - k u a n to sell t h e h o u s e or h e r son. W h a t
h e w a n t e d most was f o r Y - k u a n to r e m a r r y so
that h e could cash in o n t h e f r i n g e benefits. Al-
t h o u g h Y - k u a n knew that h e r brother-in-law was
trying to take a d v a n t a g e of h e r , she still m a i n -
t a i n e d some m i n i m a l politeness to him.
N o b o d y in town c a r e d a straw a b o u t w h a t h e r
brother-in-law's n a m e was. T h o u g h h e h a d at-
t e n d e d the c o u n t r y school f o r two years a n d h a d
b e e n given a f o r m a l n a m e , h e was soon dismissed
f o r p o o r academic p e r f o r m a n c e . T h u s acquaint-
ances persisted in calling h i m by his n i c k n a m e ,