Running Head: INTERVIEW 1

Interview

Bryttni D Pugh

University of North Carolina at Charlotte

INTERVIEW 2

Interview

Trailing behind footsteps of happiness and success is the dream to fulfill when one

reaches the elderly age. By reason of lifes imperfections, this dream holds a unique

interpretation to each individual and, alas, requires obstacles and regret. At only eighteen years

of age, I am able to recount multiple tales of these hardships stemming from speaking before

thinking, school work and career choices, and relationship collapses between family, friends, and

partners. Mercifully, I have time to alter bad habits and become the person I desire, while the

elders in my life provide guidance and personal outlooks on their existence. Ned Sexton, my

maternal grandfather who I will refer to as Grandpa, has been known as the one in the family to

have lived a secretive, eventful life because untold stories arise each time my immediate family

speaks with him; thus, I have decided to interview him to reveal personal details and perspectives

about a good life that I have not heard.

I arrived at my grandparents apartment with my mother on the stormy evening of July

18th, 2015. After a family dinner full of conversation, there was one topic I still needed to

converse. I approached my grandpa with the idea of a quick interview on happiness, and he

excitedly exclaimed, Oh boy! with a slightly nervous tone. In the living room, my mother and I

sat on one couch while my grandparents sat on the other. (My mother loves to hear her fathers

voice and answers, and Grandma is always by Grandpas side). For a simple beginning, I asked,

What is a good life? but Grandpa pondered upon the question in search for an appropriate

answer. He then replied, One you are satisfied with and enjoy what you do. You do not have to

be rich. Your familys good, and they put food on the table. Being content with what you have

without being materialistic. Oh, and have as much fun as possible. Before I continued, he was

quick to add that many people wont like the kind of fun he has had, but at least he liked it.
INTERVIEW 3

He notified me that he will be thinking carefully about his answers to not get me in

trouble in school, but I let him know that he could say anything he wished. Branching off into the

second question, I asked, How does one go about living your vision of a good life? Grandpa

found that question interesting because it required him to analyze his own life thus far. He

answered, Well, plan life out the way you want, but, at the same time, do not be afraid to take

risks. When opportunities arise, like a chance to travel, take a gamble at what you would like to

do. You will enjoy it and the people around you. Without hesitation, I moved on to the next

question of how happiness is defined and understood. A saddened tone came over his voice as he

described happiness because he told me that this has not been the case for him: I think it is

looking forward to each day. Also, dealing with people and never trying to hurt anyone. You are

comfortable in your own skin and not worrying about what others think about you, even though

Id want to be six-foot-two and look like Tom Selleck. Grandma joked that Grandpa was not

rich enough for that lifestyle, and a conversation erupted about Sellecks roles in Magnum P.I.

and Friends.

Reverting Grandpas attention back to the interview, I continued with and had to repeat

the question, What are the problems we humans must address? I first thought of the obvious

and current problems of society, such as racism, but he focused on individuals by replying, Not

being self-centered. Its not all about you; others need to be considered. Hm. Can you repeat the

question one more time? Well, we still have the problem of trying to be someone were not.

Seriously, be yourself and do not lose your self-ambition. You know you can be an example, and

it will feel good to say, Glad I was not like this sucker, when you look back. But pol-. Sorry.

Your redneck grandpa will stay clear of politics for you (laughs).
INTERVIEW 4

The course questions were less personal and easily meshed together, but I shifted the

questions towards a sense of life-reflection. When asking what Grandpas best experience was, I

was certain his answer would include family, and, undoubtedly, he mentioned the best times of

life included marrying Grandma and having kids and grandkids. Grandma pitches in by shifting

her gaze to her husband and tells him that he can pretend she isnt sitting there. We laugh, but

my grandpa was definite in his answer. He said, It started when I met your grandma. I invited

her brother over to my house for a jam session. I hardly knew him, but we both liked music. I

had a band play, too. He asked if he could bring his little sister and I said, Of course! She

walked in with her light gogo boots on, green skirt, and said she wanted to party. And there she

was (smiles). I knew she was the love of my life. The day we got married I loved that day.

Getting together with the best woman. Everything that happened after that day was just amazing,

like having your mom, aunts, and uncle. One event that exceeded my expectations was the birth

of your brother. Ricky looked up as if he knew who I was and smiled. I have a picture of us eye

to eye in the hospital. Classic. You were the second grandkid that was most amazing at birth.

Your dad and I were in the coffee shop and were called up to the delivery room, but, by the time

we got there, you were already born! Your childhood nickname, Speedy, certainly makes sense.

Having the kids come into the world meant something indescribable.

Unfortunately, my opposing question turned the mood upside down for a moment. His

worst experience was watching family members die. Not just one, but a lot that have passed, not

violently, just through normal life. It never gets easier, only harder from there. Oh man, is that

too deep? No, it was an expected response, especially having quite a few close family members

pass away within the past year. We all had a long grieving process, so I did not want to go in

depth with that question. As much as we all would want to add deceased family members back
INTERVIEW 5

into our lives, Grandpa wished he could add good health to my moms life and my aunts life.

My aunt has had to live with my grandparents ever since she was diagnosed with multiple

sclerosis; and, giving my mother good health would be giving her a much easier and more fun

life. Although I do not have good health, I am the least afflicted in my eyes. It would be selfish

to add it back onto mine, he added.

The one question I was hoping would reveal some experiences did not do so. I asked,

Do you have any regrets? to which he responded, Oh lord, yes. I have had so many

opportunities that I didnt take advantage of or do properly. If I could revisit those times, Id do

them all differently. For example, I shouldnt have dropped out of college. I should have

received a degree because it wouldve been beneficial to my life. I always wanted to be an

engineer, a mechanical engineer. I love to make and create things. If I was real smart when

technology advanced, I wouldve gone into a field like your dad working on computers. I

doubted technology would get this far, though. He was thankful, in a sense, for not doing this

because he loves how his family turned out. Who knows how this career would have shaped his

life? Did this mean he was where he thought he would be? Grandpa simply replied, No, then

elaborated with, At this point, Ive turned everything into a foul round of business, and Im into

retirement at 70. Two-million dollars was taken away from my retirement when I lost both of the

LeBleu water companies, so that hurt. I remember how gloomy the days were when he lost

LeBleu, but he was quick to jump back into business when he landed a job at Lowes.

Moving on, I asked, Whats one event you would go back to and why? and Grandpa

rocked in his chair while in deep thought. I could tell by the expression upon his face that this

was going to evoke sad emotions. He said, I would spend more time with my mom before she

died. I didnt realize she was so close to dying, and I probably wasnt as good of a son as I
INTERVIEW 6

should have been. Luckily, I was able to discover which happy event he would go back to: In

Columbia, I was in swimming training (smiles). I learned to float, swim, and dive. We were just

kids. This red-headed woman floated in the parks lake, and when she came out, she had a

perfect oval suntan on her face. It was so cool, and she just said that she was enjoying herself

(laughs). I was then given the information that this woman was, indeed, his mother. No wonder

he would revisit her existence.

Concluding the interview, I wondered what advice he would give me. His answers were

purposely more vague than intended, so what more could he say to me? He just told me to

continue pretty much all that you are doing. Do not be afraid to dive into what you want to do.

Keep going. You have so many talents and a high intelligence; your Grandma and I know you

will do the right things. Just dont let your Grandpa down no pressure! And you can tell your

teacher I said that. Oh, you also dont have to name your first born after me. (The name would

be Byrdette since his birth name is Byrd.)

Grandpas life connects with Jonathan Haidts The Happiness Hypothesis through the

concepts of cortical lefties, progress principle, error and wisdom, and the benefits of the elderly.

Richard Davidson describes cortical lefties as ones who are less subject to depression and

recover more quickly from negative experiences (Haidt, 2006). Grandpa does not have

depression, unlike my grandmother and mother, and he has recovered from fallouts from his

businesses and from late family members. Although the deaths have scarred Grandpa and the

wounds will never fully heal, he is still able to function normally in daily life and possess the

strength of a wonderful man. He takes risks and would take pleasant opportunities offered to

him, both characteristics of a lefty (Haidt, 2006). I am the opposite. Perhaps his advice is crucial

for me in order to come out of my shell, as a stereotype of an introvert would describe. For an
INTERVIEW 7

elder, it is evident that this is not Grandpas stopping point, and he did not think he would end up

in the position he is in today. The destination is insignificant compared to the journey; the

experiences he had whilst growing up shaped his destination. Grandpas advice to me shows that

he would recommend having kids as a part of lifes path because of his statement about the

childs name. I have not wanted kids, but his level of happiness when speaking of the numerous

children in his life makes me wonder what having a child would personally be like. As for now, I

will stick with my pets. I believe the same goes for marriage; my grandparents are inseparable,

and they set my standards for my future marriage. However, my generation has evolved

differently from theirs. How would finding a career before my own family, in contrast to

Grandpas order of events, alter my life? He stated that he regretted not receiving a degree, so

will I regret not having a family early? I suppose life will work itself out for me, even though I

try to plan it out whenever possible as he suggested. Haidt says that the most important lessons

cannot be taught directly, and, while lessons are needed to be discovered personally, I can learn

from the experiences my maternal grandfather has endured (Haidt, 2006). Grandpa has indirectly

told me that I should acquire tacit knowledge because he would like for me to pursue the goals I

value and gain skills from my personal life experience. I believe this is why his responses were

vague and general; he did not want me to follow a strict guideline of facts or rules. Lastly, he is a

selfless person, and particularly helps and supports family and friends. He always looks through

items in the house to give to the children of his family or to Goodwill. Thus, he is exposed to a

longer life, according to the longitudinal study of older married couples (Haidt, 2006). The life

he has lived and is still living clearly displays the amount of happiness and grief that resulted in

his good life; he may not see the ideal happiness, but one could tell that he knows his life has

been successful.
INTERVIEW 8

Thank You

A special thank-you note to Grandpa for the warmth and welcome he has given me. There is no

envelope because he lives close-by and is able to receive this in person.

INTERVIEW 9

References

Haidt, J. (2006). The happiness hypothesis: Finding modern truth in ancient wisdom. New York,

New York: Basic Books.