The Oral History Interview (As a Couple) Page 1 of 3

Names: ___________________ Date: _______________

PART I: HISTORY OF THE RELATIONSHIP

1. Why dont we start from the very beginning? Lets discuss how the two of you
met and got together. Do you remember the time you met for the first time? Tell
me about it. Was there anything about your partner that made her/him stand out?
What were your first impressions of each other?

2. When you think back to the time you were dating, before you got married (or
committed to each other), what do you remember? What stands out? How long
did you know each other before your commitment? What do you remember of
this period? What were some of the highlights? Some of the tensions? What
types of things did you do together?

3. Tell me about how the two of you decided to get married (or committed to each
other). Of all the people in the world, what led you to decide that this was the
person you wanted to be with? Was it an easy decision? Was it a difficult
decision? Were you ever in love? Tell me about this time.

4. Do you remember your wedding or commitment ceremony? Tell me about it. Did
you have a honeymoon? What do you remember about it?

Copyright 2000-2010 by Dr. John M. Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman.
Distributed under license by The Gottman Relationship Institute, Inc.
The Oral History Interview (As a Couple) Page 2 of 3

5. When you think back to the first year you were married (or living together), what
do you remember? Were there any adjustments to being married (or living
together)?

6. What about the transition to becoming parents? Tell me about this period of your
relationship. What was it like for the two of you? (70% of marital satisfaction goes
down after first child)

7. Looking back over the years, what moments stand out as the really good times in
your relationship? What were the really happy times? What is a good time for you
as a couple? Has this changed over the years?

8. Many of the couples weve talked to say that their relationships go through
periods of ups and downs. Would you say that this is true of your relationship?
Yes/No

9. Looking back over the years, what moments stand out as the really hard times in
your relationship? Why do you think you stayed together? How did you get
through these difficult times? What is your philosophy about how to get through
difficult times?

Copyright 2000-2010 by Dr. John M. Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman.
Distributed under license by The Gottman Relationship Institute, Inc.
The Oral History Interview (As a Couple) Page 3 of 3

10. How would you say your relationship is different from when you first got married?
(Explore losses here with the couples)

PART II: YOUR PHILOSOPHY OF RELATIONSHIP

11. Were interested in your ideas about what makes a relationship work. Tell me
about what you think makes a relationship work and what makes it fail.

12. Tell me about your parents relationships. What was their relationship like?
Would you say its very similar or different from your own relationship?

13. Tell me what you currently know about your partners major worries, stresses,
hopes, and aspirations. How do you stay in touch with one another on a daily
basis? What are your routines for staying in emotional contact?

Copyright 2000-2010 by Dr. John M. Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman.
Distributed under license by The Gottman Relationship Institute, Inc.