YELLOW dng t sai b lun v thay bng t mu bn cnh hoc mnh comment trong

feedback
GREEN thng tin trch ra k chnh xc Commented [M1]: Data about spare time/ figure for v data =
figure
BLUE cu c ng php cha n (qu di hoc thiu thnh phn cu)
Commented [M2]: I think the word various/ a variety of is
more suitable to replace different.
The bar chart provides data about the figure for spare time owned by both genders of separate
Commented [M3]: Wrong information! Part-time (not full time)
employment status. men has the least free time for themselves.
Commented [M4]: Why do you use V-ing here? Besides, never
Overall, the locals who are out of work have the most free time, while lots of men and women getting a use get in academic writing
full-time work job prossess possess the least time to for themselves. Another visible trend is that, male Commented [M5]: You can write shortly as full-time workers
has more unoccupied moments than female in a work position in general. Commented [M6]: You can also use own,
Commented [M7]: You should use time
The amount of free time of for girls retired or unemployed is equal, at just (80 hours is quite a lot) below
Commented [M8]: Wrong information. => in both working and
80 hours, whereas the figure for unemployed boys men/counterparts is greater than that for the other, non-working positions, however, in part-time, males have much
at around 85 hours and about 83 hours respectively (not too much greater though, this may not be a almost no free time compared with women => this is not a general
trend. Please consider dropping it.
striking feature). Additionally, men being at work from sunrise to sunset do not enjoy much unoccupied
Commented [M9]: We only say girls to mean young ladies,
time of approximately 45 hours while the opposite sex owned only under 40 hours. not retired or unemployed like this. Instead, you could say elderly
and unemployed women
Only female doing part-time jobs or working as a housewife. The quantity of free hours prossessed Commented [M10]: Clumsy and confused, => than the
(wrong spelling) by for each housewife is precisely 50, compared (ch k phi compares) to 40 of a part- retired, or write the same structure with the previous clause: the
figures for unemployed and retired men/counterparts are greater,
time worker. at
Commented [M11]: There is a better idiom: from 9 to 5, or you
Task achievement 5 The essay addressed the task but can say nine-to-five male employees
there are some incorrect Commented [M12]: The word spare is much better
information.
Commented [M13]: Arre you usure?
Lexical resource
Coherence and cohesion 5 You have used linking words, but
I dont see the overall
progression of the third
paragraph.
Lexical resource 5 You have tried to repete words,
but sometimes inappropriate.
Try to learn more collocations
and check dictionaries for
synonyms, antonyms, examples
and how to use the words.
Grammar 5 Enough to express ideas but
sentences are long and clumsy.
Overall 5

Academic Writing Sample Task 1 #10

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of
different employment status.
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

You should write at least 150 words.

Allow yourself 20 minutes for this task.

model answer:
The chart shows the number of hours of leisure enjoyed by men and women in a typical
week in 1998-9, according to gender and employment status.

Among those employed full-time, men on average had fifty hours of leisure, whereas
women had approximately thirty-seven hours. There were no figures given for male part-
time workers, but female part-timers had forty hours of leisure time, only slightly more than
women in full-time employment, perhaps reflecting their work in the home.

In the unemployed and retired categories, leisure time showed an increase for both sexes,
as might have been expected. Here too, men enjoyed more leisure time over eighty hours,
compared with seventy hours for women, perhaps once again reflecting the fact that women
spend more time working in the home than men.

Lastly, housewives enjoyed approximately fifty-four hours of leisure, on average. There

were no figures given for househusbands! Overall, the chart demonstrates that in the
categories for which statistics on male leisure time were available, men enjoyed at least ten
hours of extra leisure time.

1. number
2. clear
3. over / under (it depends whether you have seen the chart or not)
4. THOSE
5. amount
6. COMPARED

1. The chart compares the _____ of hours of free time that men and women had
between 1998 and 1999.
2. It is _____ that men enjoyed more leisure time than women.
3. Unemployed males had just _____ 80 hours of leisure time per week.
4. The figures for retired men and women were exactly the same as _____ for the
unemployed.
5. Housewives enjoyed the next highest _____ of spare time.
6. Part-time working women enjoyed only 3 extra hours of leisure _____ to those
who worked full-time.

The given chart shows the hours of free time in a typical week enjoyed by males and females of
different employment status between 1998 and 1999.

Overall, as can be seen from the chart, the unemployed and retired enjoyed the greatest
amount of spare time whereas for other job categories, men and women tended to have roughly
38-50 hours of non-working time on a weekly basis. Regarding sexes, females enjoyed
relatively less spare time than their male counterparts.
According to the chart, unemployed and retired males had maximum leisure time, approximately
80 hours per week, but in the case of unemployed and retired females, they had comparatively
less leisure time, about 72 hours per week.

It is interesting to see that full-time employed males had more free time than part-time employed
females, which was approximately 48 hours and 40 hours per week respectively. Women
working full-time had practically less free time, about 38 hours a week. Housewives had
approximately 50hrs per week of leisure time which is just slightly more than that of full-time
working men.

Finally to conclude unemployed and retired people enjoy for about same time which is
maximum, and all other employment status enjoy between 38-50 hours per week. The
conclusion that can be drawn from the graph is; females enjoyed relatively less spare time than
their male counterparts.