Joke 1

The next day Little Johnny is sitting on the same curb, but this time he has a bag
of M&M's and a cat with him. Every so often he would eat a couple M&M's, bite the
cat on the back and wiggle his butt further down the curb.

Now, Little Johnny's father was watching him do this for awhile and finally
couldn't control his curiosity any longer and went out to ask Little Johnny what
he was doing.

"I'm playing truck driver daddy."

Perplexed, his father responded "Playing truck driver?"

"Yeah, I'm poppin' pills, eating pussy and scooting on down the road."

Joke 2

A little boy was standing on the edge of a cliff beside a roadway, bawling his
eyes out. A priest, out for an evening stroll, walks up to him.

"What's the matter, my child?" he asks softly.

Sobbing, he answers through the tears. "My mommy and daddy were in their car, and
it rolled off the edge of the cliff, and exploded on the rocks below."

"Jesus," the priest says, unbuttoning his fly, "This just isn't your day, little
boy."

Joke 3

A man went to a doctor for a simple vasectomy. When he awoke after the procedure
the doctor was standing over him with a worried look.

"I have some bad news," the doctor says. "I completely botched your surgery, and
we had to go ahead and give you a complete sex change. You now have a vagina."

"Oh My God," the man says. "So you mean to tell me I will never experience an
erection again?"

"Oh you will," the doctor says. "Just not yours."

Joke 4

a 5 year-old goes to his mother one morning while having cereal and says....

"mommy, what were you and daddy doing last night? you were making funny noises and
there was thumping on the wall??"

the mom all flushed and embarrassed she responds with the first thing that came to
her mind...

"oh honey, your father and I were...um...er... "baking cakes" last night, yeah,
thats it...we were baking cakes!
the 5 year old, confused, shrugs it off.

2 days later

The 5 year old at breakfast says..."mommy, you and daddy were 'baking cakes' in
the living room on the sofa!"

the mother, embarassed says.. "yes honey, but how did you know we were 'baking
cakes' in the living room?

the 5 year old replies, "...i know because I licked all the icing off the sofa..."

Joke 5

The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couples house. She
rang the doorbell and stepped into the house to see her daughter-in-law standing
naked by the door. "What are you doing?" the mother-in-law asked. "I am waiting
for my husband to come home from work." the daughter-in-law replied. "Why are you
naked?" asked the mother-in-law. "This is my love dress." the daughter-in-law
replied. "LOVE DRESS! You are naked." said the mother-in-law "But my husband loves
it when I wear this dress. It makes him happy and he makes me happy." said the
daughter-in-law. "I would appreciate it if you left now because my husband will be
home any minute." The daughter-in-law continued. Soured by all of this romantic
stuff, the mother-in-law left. On the way home she thought about the "LOVE DRESS"
and got an idea. She undressed, showered, applied her best perfume and waited by
the door for her husband to come home. Finally the pickup truck drove up the drive
way and she took her place by the door. The father-in-law opened the door and
immediately saw his wife naked by the door. "What are you doing?" he asked. "This
is my love dress" the mother-in-law replied. "Maybe you should iron it." he
replied.

Joke 6

A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really
knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids
raised their hands except for Little Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different, again. Little
Johnny said, Because I'm not an Obama fan. The teacher asked, 'Why aren't you an
Obama fan?' Johnny said 'Because I'm a Republican.' The teacher asked him why he
is a Republican. Little Johnny answered, 'Well, my Mom's a Republican, my Dad is a
Republican,
so I'm a Republican.' Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, 'If your mom was
a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?' With a big smile,
Little Johnny replied, 'That would make me an Obama fan.'

Joke 7

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely
burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her
body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own
skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to
come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came
from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a
very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty.
She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives
just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his
sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for
me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your
mother kiss you on the cheek."