www.ussu.co.
uk
15/02/01
Valentines
Monday Night Fever [1]!
by Tom Sugarman
Elections Correspondant
n a rain–swept Monday
O evening I took the
plunge and launched
into my first ever viewing of
Hustings. I had only the
vaguest idea of the ins and
outs previously but the mecha-
nism of the Hustings didn’t
take long to follow. Each candi-
date has a proposer who has 2
minutes to say why their candi-
date is a jolly good person and
most importantly why they
deserve to be elected. The
candidate who has 5 minutes
to state why they should
become a sabbatical for the
following academic year then
follows them. Each proposer
and candidate take turns, in
alphabetical order, after which
anyone present can ask ques-
tions but which must be
addressed to all candidates.
Simple!
Education and Welfare
Vice - President for Education and
Welfare was the first contested
sabbatical position of the night.
Contested, however, is perhaps
not the correct terminology since
Lisa Widdows was only candidate
for the position! It is still possible
Student Council 1pm, 27th February, Main Union
Meet the New Sabbaticals
barefacts@surrey.ac.uk
FREE
Issue no: 1002
Life after the The Election
Special
Womb CDDC
p5 p19 p22 p7-18
though that Lisa could fail in her
candidature in the unprecedented
event of more votes for RON (Re-
open the nominations). The fact
that the position is uncontested
should not however detract from
her VP bid since as she pointed
out perhaps she can make more
realistic manifesto aims rather
than trying to hassle for votes.
Lisa certainly didn’t shirk any
issues when answering questions
from the floor – in response to the
current VP’s question on how she
would cope with stress Lisa replied
that she’d, ‘sit down with a fag and
a bottle of wine’! Unsurprisingly
the perennial question of tuition
fees raised its ugly head once
more. Clearly, Lisa had researched
the matter and made the interest-
ing discovery that although Surrey
postgraduates had the option to
pay tuition fees in instalments this
option was not extended to under-
graduates.
The Nomiees for VP Sports on Stage answering questions at Hustings
Money, Money, Money!
fairness to the candidate in ques- uncertain terms that, the reduction idea of surveying students of what
tion this was due to his proposer of beer prices was most important they would like from a skills pro-
The next position up for grabs was
VP for Finance and Development being ill – the replacement propos- to Surrey’s student population. He gramme e.g. web design and then
er had only 30 minutes to prepare also emphasised the need for a surveying employers what skills
– the night’s first contested elec-
tion! This nomination started off the 2-minute speech. It was rather long-term business plan, however they were interested and then
ironic that the proposer more than there was no suggestions of how offering courses based on the
somewhat slower than the first as
the first candidature Richard once referred to to the candidate this could be achieved. results of those two surveys. As is
as having ‘limitless energy’ after traditional for wannabe sabbatical
Beltran was 5 minutes late – some
of those in the audience even turning up late! Ignorance students they are all asked to learn
Richard stated in no uncertain a song for the hosting to lighten up
started to slow hand clap him! In
terms his disdain for Daphne & None of the candidates enhanced proceedings. John obviously took
Celeste and stated that such an their electoral appeal when they all the themed financial route singing
appalling act would not appear at replied from a question from the Abba’s ‘Money, Money, Money’
Surrey again if he was elected. floor that they had never attended whereas to celebrate becoming an
However, as Uncle Vic pointed out a meeting of the finances and uncle Richard gave a rendition of
it is not the job of any sabbatical to services committee – a committee ‘Ba Ba Black Sheep’ with Mark
arrange paid musical acts but they would chair if they became belting out a film soundtrack.
rather the entertainments manager VP Finance and Development.
who then suggests acts that are The failure of one the candidates, Sports
available to the Entertainment Mark Limbrick, to be able to distin-
committee. John Geeson empha- guish between club and union The competition for the final VP
sised that he would overhaul finances hardly inspired confi- position, Sports, was equally
expenditure, increase accountabil- dence in his candour. There were fiercely contested with 3 candi-
ity and increase revenue. One of several related questions on the dates present. Simon Chappell’s
his proposals was to increase allocation of monies but one inter- proposer was by far the most con-
advertising in Barefacts to esting question queried the sec- fident claiming Simon was the
increase revenue, which caused a ond part of the job description, ‘only choice’. Dave ‘Beaker’ Civil’s
few questions from the floor to be namely development. One impres-
The audience raised. Mark Limbrick stated in no sive answer, from John, was the Continued page 3
News 1-2 n Features 3-6, n Election Special 7-18 n Lifestyle 20 n Sport 22-24
 2 News 15/02/01

Editorial Team
Editor
Editor
Kevin Marston

Deputy
Deputy Editor
Editor
Anthony McDonagh

Production
Production Editor
Editor
Marshall Mathers
News
News Team
Team Film
Film Editors
Editors
Mike Rolfe Libby Hurt

Political
Political Editor
Editor Science
Science Editor
Editor
Reuben Thompson Nick Walsh

Features
Features Editor
Editor Sports
Sports Editor
Editor
David Abbott Dave Chapman

Music
Music Editor
Editor Marketing
Marketing Team
Team
Owen Hazelby Ali Danby
Ellen van Keulen
Arts
Arts Editor
Editor
Vacant Proof
Proof Reader
Reader
Duncan Hamilton
...News In Brief...News In Brief...News
Contributors
Contributors Armed Robberies
Emma Van-Huysse
OFU Team A series of armed robberies in and around Guildford
this week have left shopkeepers worried for their own
Music Team
The Sports lot for their articles safety and that of their customers. In each case one or
two men have entered the shops, threatened staff with
and that’s about that
a knife before making off with the contents of the till.
The first incident was on Friday night at Wine Odyssey
in Shalford. The two men who robbed the store were
described as young, white and both wearing dark
coloured fleece tops, jeans and balaclavas. One of the
men is described as being 6ft 2in.
Film Four Video in Epsom Road, Guildford became
the second target when a man entered the premises
at around 10pm on Sunday. This suspect is described
as white, 25 years old, 6ft, skinny and with dark hair.
He was wearing trainers, dark trousers, a two-tone
jumper, gloves and a burgundy balaclava.
The last raid, at about 6pm on Monday, dented the
profits of the Spar Shop in Burden Way, Pitch Place.
The robber is described as white, 5ft 7in, slim, with
barefacts dark brown hair, a large nose and defined cheek-
Union House, University Of Surrey bones. He was wearing a black woolly hat, a black
Guildford, Surrey, GU2 7XH thigh-length jacket, dark trousers, white trainers and
black gloves.
Tel: 01483 879275 Police do not believe that the three incidents are
Fax: 01483 534749 linked at this stage, but would like to hear from anyone
email: barefacts@surrey.ac.uk
with further information.
If you think you can help, you should contact Guildford
Deadline for Publication CID on 01483 531111 or Crimestoppers on 0800
Monday 12pm 555111.
Can dummies help you avoid speeding tickets?
Submissions
The story about the chauffeur of Surrey Police’s Chief
preferably on disk / email in Word 6.0 Format, Constable has been rumbling on for a few weeks now,
Text in Arial, size 9 font but it has emerged that another driver was recently
barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper, published by the University of Surrey Students' Union Communications Office. prosecuted for an identical offence.
The views expressed within the paper are those of individual authors, and do not necessarily Mr Collins, 33, from Farncombe, was stopped on the
represent the views of the Editor, the Editorial Board, the University of Surrey Students' Union same stretch of road, doing the same speed at a sim-
or the University of Surrey. ilar time of day. He pleaded guilty to the charges and
This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in any form, copied or distributed, without the express permission received a £400 fine and 4 points on his licence.
of the publisher.
When asked to comment, he said: “I was quite rightly
All submissions must include the author's name and Union or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee of publication.
Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles will not be published. stopped, reprimanded and prosecuted and I don’t see
barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions. why a civilian driver with a chief constable in the back
Printed by should not get the same punishment.”
Mr Collins also added: “It would seem that if I got a 6ft
East End Offset (TU), Bow, London, E3 3LT mannequin with a blue hat in the back I could go as
© USSU Communications Office 2000 fast as I like on Britain’s roads.”
With This Kiss appeal
Through the special campaign hosted by Yahoo,
celebrities and consumers are puckering up to help
raise AIDS prevention awareness and generate con-
tributions for the Elton John AIDS Foundation, an
international non-profit organisation funding preven-
tion education programs and direct care services for
men, women and children living with HIV/AIDS. Last
year, Yahoo!’s “With This Kiss” campaign helped raise
more than $17,000 (about £12,000) for the Elton John
AIDS Foundation.
This year’s auction looks like being as successful, with
some big name celebrities taking part. At the time of
writing this article, the highest bids were for Sir Elton
John, Janet Jackson, Sarah McLaughlin and Britney
Spears. The bid for Britney’s autographed ‘lip print’
was $683 (£484), at the time of writing, but surprising-
ly was only the third most expensive behind Elton,
$1,000 (£709) and Sarah McLaughlin, a folk-rock
artist from Canada, whose kiss was $1,125 (£798).
These outrageous bids, even though they are for char-
ity, provide yet more proof that lots of Americans have
more money than sense.
Bush a “Moron”?
The new US president George W Bush was branded
a “moron” by US actor Martin Sheen this week.
Sheen, best known for his role in Apocalypse Now,
and currently staring in hit US series The West Wing,
said: “George W Bush is like a bad comic working the
crowd, a moron, if you’ll pardon the expression,”
Sheen also had a swipe at the US as well saying:
“Alcoholics Anonymous and jazz are the only original
things of importance” it has exported to the rest of the
world.
Football-less Sports Round-up
Marlboro has announced that they are to withdraw
their sponsorship of the Ferrari F1 team at the end of
2002. It is a blow for the team who use the £45m a
season deal to pay a large chuck of the team costs
and salaries, including Michael Schumacher’s (which
is reported to be around the £20m mark). The move
follows a string of lawsuits against the company, which
owns the Marlboro brand, leading to compensation
claims amounting to around £50bn.
The Six Nations championship continues this week-
end with all the games being played on Saturday after-
noon. This weeks fixtures are England vs. Italy (Sky
Sports One, 2:30), Ireland vs. France (BBC 1, 2:00)
and Scotland vs. Wales (BBC 1, 4:00). All of us at
barefacts are taking a particular interest in the tourna-
ment because Chops, our Sports Ed has promised
that if England don’t win the championship, he will go
to the next FNO in his surfing gear.
Snooker’s newly crowned Masters champion Paul
Hunter has revealed the secret behind his dramatic
comeback in Sunday’s final. He trailed opponent
Fergal O’Brien 6-2 at the end of the afternoon session,
mainly because he seemed unable to pot many of the
balls. During the break before the evening session,
Hunter went back to his hotel room for a different kind
of session with his girlfriend. He said “You can make
up your own mind about what I got up to, but let’s just
say I was more relaxed when I returned to the arena.”
Lock Up Your Cat, Not Your Daughter!
A report released this week has stated that a single
female cat can be responsible for up to 50 million off-
spring during her lifetime. The RSPCA who produced
the report appealed to cat owners to have their kittens
neutered as quickly as possible to help bring the esca-
lating cat population under control.
15/02/01
Speeches Ahoy
Continued from page 1
entrance was certainly the most
memorable as two of his support-
ers dressed in boiler suits caked
with biro scribblings and tall paper
hats chanting Beakers name
repeatedly although the climax
was somewhat lost as Beaker was
late. Not surprisingly Denise
Goodwin’s entrance (the blond
hair girl on crutches) was the most
pedestrian! Her proposer was also
the only one to play on the candi-
dates name, i.e. spelling DENISE
from each first letter of a para-
graph.
For the non – sporting amongst
you the provision of or rather the
lack of mini buses has become a
political hot potato amongst the
sports club. The solutions of all
candidates to the problem were
impressive including the possibility
of hire purchase for Wednesday
afternoons as well as the possibil-
ity of targeting specific sponsors
but none said about working with
the VP Finance & Development
and the VP Communications &
Marketing Sabbaticals. When the
candidates were challenged to
state what they would do to sup-
port a player who was to appear in
News & Feature 3
Revitalising
front of a disciplinary committee
only one candidate mentioned that
hideously difficult songs, Robbie
Williams’ ‘Angels’ and Don Recycling
the code of conduct would need to McLean ‘American Pie’ respec-
be referred to. Probably the most tively but both put in a surprisingly As you may have noticed, sites.
provocative question of the night good effort. Denise went for S despite Greensocs aims, hopes There are some other simple steps
concerned the candidate’s Club 7 s ‘Reach’, which all the and intentions, the recycling issue you can take though.
response to what they would do if Sabbs knew the Dance routine to! on campus is in dire straits. This is 1) A number of academic
any of the sports clubs were due to a lack of funding on the schools already recycle their used
caught chanting Racist, Sexist or University/Official side causing inkjet and toner cartridges for char-
homophobic staff shortages in the Waste and ities. If you do not already recycle
songs (which Central Services department (i.e. them, please pop them into the
would break the the folks that empty the bins!) and internal mail addressed to
Union code of a general deficit of time and human Margaret Whittle, who currently
conduct). The resources in terms of volunteers on arranges collection.
response of students behalf (i.e. Greensoc 2) Take clothes and unwant-
candidates was doesn't have enough members to ed items (those useless Christmas
universal in that be able to recycle for all the stu- presents from Great auntie Freda
they all obvi- dents on campus, and most seem who you never even met…!) to
ously con- incapable of doing it themselves!). charity shops.
demned such However, there are hints 3) Cancel all the junk mail
behaviour and of progress….. Beginning in you receive by writing to the
said that would February, after a number of false Mailing Preference Service,
intervene and starts, there will be a recycling sys- FREEPOST 22, London. W1E
ask the perpe- tem installed in the new Duke of 7EZ. Ask them to remove you from
trators to stop. Kent building (The Ship). This will any mailing lists they hold.
primarily be for the recycling of 4) The obvious - chose
As with the office-grade paper, which will be items with less packaging and
Finance and separated at source into colour- recycle all the usual goods. I have
Development coded bins, and emptied separate- written about that before and am
VPs all partici- ly for recycling. As the volume of not about to repeat myself!
pants were paper generated by the university
asked to sing a is huge, this is quite a significant Good luck - and if you have any
song. Simon step and if successful will be grad- suggestions as to how Greensoc
and Beaker ually introduced campus wide, and or the University can progress on
The VP Education & Welfare Nominee expanded to a more comprehen- the issue of recycling, please con-
both choose
sive system under the University tact us! (mu91ev)
Waste Manager, Max Thomas.
That is the situation with academic
buildings. Residences are unfortu-
nately an independent issue, cur-
rently in student hands as far as
recycling goes. The logistics of
recycling on a large scale in resi-
dences are complicated by the
process of safely collecting and
storing different rubbish types in
each KUB and removing the sepa-
rated waste - it would be a huge
job for the cleaners staff at present
staffing levels to undertake. Back
to the funding problem. So, in the
meantime, it is up to us all as indi-
viduals to recycle what we can
using the facilities available on
campus, in the Park and Ride car
park, or at Tesco and other nearby
 4 Your Emails & Greensoc 15/02/01

Your Emails
To: barefacts
From: Alex Stanway
Subject: RE: Tuition fees
Cc:
Dear Barefacts,
To take each point of Duncan Hamilton's
irate letter last week in turn:
Quite clearly if parents can't afford educa-
tion then charitable organisations, trusts etc
can fill the void. Not only would the abolition
of tax free up circa 40% of the country's
existing wealth, some of which would find
it's way to charities, but it would allow for
the creation of much more wealth, some of
which would be spent on education. Not to
mention how much goodwill is sapped by
taxation, this can not be measured, but I
know my charitable feelings are greatly
diminished with every obscene waste of
government money I see, and every £4 gal-
lon of petrol I buy.
Solutions to problems do come about by
need. When people need something they
find a solution, either at an individual,
organisational or government level. What I
was pointing out in my previous letter was
that many individuals and organisations are
better placed to find solutions than one,
Please send all responses to emails to barefacts not the author. If you would like to write a letter then please send them to barefacts@ussu.co.uk
centralised and slow government.
Creative people don't grow on trees, nor do
they become creative in state primary
schools. Creativity is a trait of most
humans, and is brought out of people by
the problems they face. It is another failing
of state education that it not only fails to
bring out many people's creativity, but often
positively harms it by it's mass production
approach, and by relatively narrow, aca-
demic aims. A far smaller, more specialised
and more personalised approach to educa-
tion is far better suited to realising greater
creative potential from everyone. This is
more likely in a diverse education system
with more choice and fewer restrictions
than government imposes.
The dot.com example was not intended to
show that government doesn't operate like
a business. It was intended to show how
the market is far better at allocating
resources to where they are best exploited
than any government could ever hope to
be. If this is obvious, then what is the argu-
ment against it? So what if there are a mul-
titude of failed businesses?
Duncan then suggests I should leave the
country if I don't like taxes. Why should I
give up my nationality, move away from my
friends and family, and give up the property
and life that I have here, simply to be able
to enjoy what I have worked for?
As for accountability, it is only needed when
there is no choice. If I see a pint of milk for
£5, I don't want to write a letter and ask why
it is £5, I will simply buy it somewhere else.
The point of asking what if no one wanted
to educate was that it makes a mockery of
our 'right' to education. How could this right
be upheld if there was no one to educate
us? I do not need anyone to uphold my right
to free speech, or any other 'natural rights'
which I believe we all posess as our own.
On selling rights, indeed you can sell your
right to free speech. Many jobs will require
you not to disclose certain information.
Most require you to be in a certain place at
a certain time, so you are selling a slice of
your freedom of movement, and we give up
a right to own a certain piece of property
everytime we buy or sell anything. Perhaps
I didn't make it clear in my first letter that
this is what I meant.
When something is handed down from
above it's not really a right is it? If the
European Parliament can give us rights,
why can't it take them away? If it can take
them away then they were never rights, but
merely entitlements. Prisoners have entitle-
ments, even slaves did, handed down from
their masters and just as easily revoked.
Free men have rights which we do not need
a convention, a constitution or a bill of rights
to tell us we have.
Alex Stanway

Luck be a Lady a Tonight

by Paul Elkington
Theatre Correspondant
An Opening Night Review
As Valentine’s Day approached
what better way to prepare than
one of The West End’s classic love
stories. A story of Nathan Detroit,
the betting man’s Del Boy and Sky
Masterson, revered as a risk taker
who always seems to win big. A
story of their love for different girls,
a love requited through different
circumstances, and their lives as
betting men. Throw in as many
clichés as you can think of for a
classic love story and there you
have it, Guys and Dolls.
To many it seemed a big risk,
doing such as well-known musical,
a musical requiring a thirty-odd
strong cast, with many of its mem-
bers having to hold vocally chal-
lenging solos. But to Madsoc’s
immense credit, they pulled it off,
with some style.
The leading men were fantastic,
Detroit was played perfectly as a
vulnerable man, scared of commit-
ting to his fiancé of 14 years,
scared of the ‘hard-men’ of the
gambling underworld, but still keen
to make his cut of money wherev-
er he can. Sky Masterson was
even better; I doubt that the
Electric Theatre has heard many
better males singers. He portrayed
Sky’s change from hard-nosed sin-
ner to saint perfectly with the guile
of a man who understands the part
inside out.
Louise Forrest is a name to
watch out for in the future; it was
her second time as leading lady
and the experience showed. Sarah
Brown was also good, especially
at portraying the righteous
Salvation Army leader Heather
Andrews, although struggled to
reach some of the high notes in
her solos.
The rest of the cast kept up the
same high standards as the leads,
although there were a few cases of
first night nerves, which slightly
spoiled a few of the opening num-
bers, but as the butterflies disap-
peared, the harmonies became
magical, much to the credit of
Musical Directors Rachel Hawkins
and Owen Bartholomew, although
the band at times was too loud and
overpowered some of the weaker
voices. The dancing was, on the
whole, just as spectacular and
praise must go to choreographer
Rebecca Reid. Wendy Pinney
should also receive credit for the
particularly fine Hotbox girl cos-
tumes, which ensured the full
attention of most males throughout
the play.
One thing did let the perform-
ance down however, the back-
stage work was poor, the scene
changes were slow and labored,
and began to make the play
appear disjointed. Twice I could
here the stage manager call “Let’s
go” before the cast returned to the
stage. The lighting was not much
better, with one scene change
being lit my an over-zealous tech-
nician. Luckily, though, the quality
on stage was sufficient to still
make Guy’s and Dolls a production
to be remembered for the right rea-
sons.
15/02/01
36 hours in the life of a
Valentinophobe
1800. Tuesday 13th February.
People say that Christmas seems
to get earlier every year and I can
well understand why. Christmas is
a happy time that extends well
beyond a single day. Christmas is
about giving: presents, love, little
acts of human kindness, whatever.
Thank goodness that Valentine’s
Day is a single day. It passes in 24
hours and then it is gone. Like a
hurricane, it rushes by, leaving a
trail of devastation in its path.
People without Valentines.
People whose other halves forgot
Valentine’s Day. People who had
previously thought they had
Valentines, but whose intended
lover turned out to be “just good
friends” who had never thought
about them “in that way” after all.
In its own way, Valentine’s Day
is, like Christmas, about giving; but
the only people who notice this are
those who have nobody to give to.
For whose benefit is Valentine’s
Day, anyway? Is it an excuse for
those lucky enough to have part-
ners to be all lovey-dovey for a
day? Don’t they do that all the time
anyway? Perhaps Valentine’s Day
exists purely to annoy those with-
out long-term happy relationships,
or those, like me, who would hap-
pily settle for whatever they can
get.
Just like Christmas, the real win-
ners are the greetings card indus-
try. Woe betides anyone who hap-
pens to have a birthday in early
February; chances of your mates
finding you a decent birthday card
are nil.
I am dreading tomorrow.
2100. Just spoken to one of my
friends on the phone. I asked her if
she was anticipating receiving any
Valentine’s cards. She said she
was having her pigeonhole
widened. I can’t work out whether
this was very crude symbolism or
not. Good luck to her tomorrow,
anyway; not that she really needs
it - I’m sure her pigeonhole will be
stuffed full.
0830. Wednesday 14th February.
Got up with unaccountable sense
of impending doom and disaster.
Stared at self in bathroom mirror
for a long period, wondering
whether I had suddenly become
vastly more attractive since last
year. I think probably not.
Went into the KUB and was
immediately accosted by the most
attractive girl on the floor, whose
boyfriend had sent her a dozen red
roses by courier. I just growled.
I really wish I had accepted that
job interview today; it would have
taken my mind off things. Still, no
use crying over spilt milk or wasted
opportunities. Instead, out of a
morbid curiosity, I wandered over
to the court reception and checked
through my mail.
There were no less than three
red envelopes with my name on
them. I could not believe it.
With shaking hands, I opened
the first. It was a birthday card.
I’m not only disappointed, I am
very annoyed. My birthday was
three months ago.
With suitably lowered expecta-
tions, I tore open the second card.
There was a picture of a teddy
bear holding a bunch of roses on
the front. This is the real McCoy.
Somebody had actually sent me a
card. Holding my breath, I opened
it.
“Dear Danielle,” the first line read
- and I hastily checked the enve-
lope. Yup, it’s true; I’ve accidental-
ly opened someone else’s
Valentine’s card. I popped it back
in the pigeonhole with a scribbled
note of apology on the envelope.
Having verified the name on the
front of the third card, I opened it.
As is customary, it was not signed;
but I immediately recognised the
handwriting of one of my ex-
housemates, Phil, who is obvious-
ly playing a trick on me.
1200. I have just spent the morn-
ing’s lectures computing the total
amount I have saved by not having
a girlfriend. Bunch of roses: £30, if
I want them delivered. Box of
expensive chocs: £7.50. Meal out
at posh restaurant: £60. Bottle of
champagne: £20. Present, possi-
bly an item of jewellery or an
expensive perfume: £20? £40?
£80? I don’t know, I’ve never
bought any.
The funny thing is, although
Valentine’s Day
that’s a lot of money, I still wish I
was spending it on someone spe-
cial. Perhaps fellow girlfriendless
barefacts correspondent Rich W
and I could found a dating agency
on the university campus.
1430. In a sudden panic attack, I
decided that it was a stupid idea
not to send any cards; this is the
one time of year when you can
legitimately pour out your heart to
that girl you’ve had your eye on all
this time. Besides, as I said,
Valentine’s Day is all about giving,
not receiving.
Obviously it is now too late to
post a card or buy a bunch of flow-
ers, so an e-mail will have to do,
despite e-mails inherent lack of
romance. I signed up for an anony-
mous Hotmail account and settled
down to consider my victim.
There are just over three billion
women in the world. One of them
is The One. On the other hand, I
only have the e-mail addresses of
a tiny fraction of that amount, so...
1500. Why stick to one? I have
selected three people. I decide
upon separate tactics for each. To
the girl I know the best, whom I
have always considered a friend, I
shall send a self-penned poem. It’s
quite good actually; the theme and
meter are reminiscent of medieval
works. I didn’t know I could write
poetry so eloquently. She must
inspire me. On the other hand, if
she ever found out that it was me
who wrote it, I think she would be
very disappointed. She definitely
sees me as “just a mate”.
Next is this girl in one of my lec-
tures. I don’t know her e-mail
address but it is easy enough to
find out, so I’ll send her a simple
“Happy Valentine’s Day from ???
XXX”.
Finally, a gorgeous girl I’ve seen
about campus and dancing on the
stage at an FNO. A friend of a
friend of a friend, I only found out
her name last week. I know her
and she doesn’t know me, so I can
afford to be a little more forthright
in this case. I’ve decided upon a
fairly long description of exactly
why I think she’s so dazzling. It
isn’t poetry, but then, I’m all
poemed-out for today.
1530. Just finished sending the
messages when Phil came in.
Trying not to grin, he asked me if I
was more successful this year that
last. I told him I had seven cards.
That shut him up.
I am suddenly worried that the
three might know each other and
mention the e-mails to one anoth-
er. That would ruin my chances
with all three and might make me
look just a little fickle. Perhaps I
should have selected just the one
after all.
0300. Thursday 15th February.
The Union this evening was just
like every other Wednesday night,
except that the happy people were
happier and the lonely people
were lonelier. People do stupid
things when they think that other
5
people are having more fun. There He was right, though. It has been
was that guy at Graduation Ball scientifically proven that women
last year who set off the fire alarm are happier when they are single
after he was dumped. I’ve seen whereas men tend to do better
somebody beat up a lamppost on when they are in a relationship. If
campus after he was rejected. anyone had claimed that ten or
There were a few fights tonight, twenty years ago, they would have
too, but mostly people just got been ridiculed.
drunk and depressed.
Phil came back to mine after- 0500. It may be the middle of the
wards for a nightcap and major night, but having despatched Phil
bitching session. First, he on his way home, I decided to
expounded his theory of the per- check my e-mail.
fect “woman’s woman” as opposed Two out of the three had replied.
to the perfect “man’s woman”. The one to whom I sent the poem
Then one of my housemates, has not. I suspect she never will.
John, came into the KUB and told The girl who received the one-
him to stop shouting, but when he liner responded similarly with the
heard what we were talking about, simple greeting, “Thanks.”
he sat down and explained his own But the third - she has sent me a
theory. This concerns the manner long e-mail, all about herself. I am
in which women have gone, in a very surprised and rather flattered.
relatively short space of time, from Most girls would be terrified if a
being the ones who wanted the complete stranger sent them a
security of a long-term relationship message suggesting, effectively,
to being the ones who were happi- that they were being stalked.
er playing the field. He blamed “girl Am I a step closer to a Valentine
power” and the quest for equal for next year? Probably not; but at
rights for men and women. The least I can go to sleep now with a
pendulum of equality, he said, had smile on my face. Not because I
now swung back, but had swung got a reply, but because I made
back too far - as evidenced by the her fell appreciated, however
three of us sitting around the briefly. And that is what it is all
kitchen table in the early hours. about, anyway.
Fish
The fisherman’s friends tried to warm him,
They told him not to be sad,
“Cheer up”, they said, “And don’t be blue,
Things really ain’t that bad.”
“There’s plenty more fish in the sea, friend,
And one day, the perfect trout
Will be yours.” But he turned to them
And he cried, “That I doubt.”
With tears in his eyes, he described
The one he’d let slip away:
The specimen so fine and rare that
He’d lost on Valentine’s Day.
“What went wrong?” he asked; “was it me?
Was my rod too short? Or my
Tackle too small? Or was it just that
I used the wrong sort of fly?”
The friends knew not; but repeated again,
That the sea is full of fish,
And he snapped at them and said, “Yes, but
Who wants a bloomin’ fish?”
Anon.
 6 Ofu & Competitions
Win Tickets to Dublin
Those nice people at ISIC have
been saving money for students
since 1968. The ISIC offers stu-
dents a wide variety of travel serv-
ices and benefits, including up to
30% off international travel, and
discounts at over 15,000 venues
around the world. They are offer-
ing 10 lucky winners the chance to
win tickets to Dublin. Please email
your answers to
Jfearnhead@nussl.co.uk by 16th
March and include your name,
address, telephone number,
barefacts and the name of your
university. To win just answer the
following questions:
Name one of James Joyces’
books
Name the second city of the
Republic of Ireland
Name one of the main shop-
ping streets in Dublin.
Win the Key to a Cool
Weekend
Studentwheels.com the one stop
Staring at Van Gogh's Ear
Imagine yourself as one of those
strange people who makes candle-
sticks.
With little or no opportunity for
social interaction outside of quietly
patronising townies at craft fairs, it
is an occupation which offers very
little ego-gratification - particularly
for a life partner. Little wonder,
then, that so many candlestick-
makers turn to heroin trafficking, fat
rendering, or even podium dancing
as a means of dispelling the per-
sistent ennui of handling wax for a
living.
Much better idea, then, to bypass
the traditional industries and head
straight into the natural progres-
sion - forgery. Which is precisely
the route taken by Matt Damon's
character in The Talented Mr
Ripley, which OFU shall be show-
shop for students who want new
wheels via the best deal, are giving
all students the chance to win a
pair of wheels to borrow and get
away from it all for the weekend.
This week you can win a Limo at
your beck and call all weekend, or
the second prize of a holiday or
third prize of a mystery wheeled
prize. To win watch out for a
lunchtime visit from an Audi TT or
Bentley at USSU on 22nd February
where key rings will be distributed,
then enter the number printed on
them into the competition page of
www.studentwheels.com.
Win tickets to see Rick
Wakeman
Legendary rocker Rick Wakeman
is coming to the Guildford Civic on
Monday 19th March 8pm as part of
Guildford’s International Music
Festival. For tickets please call the
box office on (01483) 444723.
However, if you want to win a pair
of tickets and a CD then answer
the following question to
ing in Lecture Theatre G this
Sunday at 8pm. "..Ripley" - which
in the US was titled "The
Mysterious Yearning Secretive Sad
Lonely Troubled Confused Loving
Musical Gifted Intelligent Beautiful
Tender Sensitive Haunted
Passionate Talented Mr. Ripley",
once and for all disproving the
myth that American audiences
have difficulty with handling deep
characterisation - is a sharp, intelli-
gent and well-scripted film. In
much the same way as "The
Silence Of The Lambs", it straddles
a line between suspense thriller
and absorbed psychological study.
Like that film, "...Ripley" is a dark,
thought-provoking, and troubling
portrait of what might be consid-
ered a Very Bad Man.
By way of contrast, Katsuhiro
15/02/01
Hi, it’s competition time again, with a wealth of prizes on offer, this
week. But first, last week’s winners. Well, you all found the question
about the Sabb elections far too hard. There are 0 positions up for
grabs in week 7, the elections are week 6. Jonny Saisho won the FNO
tickets, “I should be so lucky $10 sukky fukky.”
Now this week (various different rules for different competitions so be
careful):
barefacts@surrey.ac.uk by
Monday 12th February 6pm.
Rick Wakeman has previously
scored chart hits with YES and
which other 70’s band?
Strawbs
Mangos
Melons
Win 6 FNO tickets
You chance to win 6 guest list
tickets to the Beach Party FNO on
Friday 22nd February. Just com-
plete the following statement in
the funniest, wittiest, most apt Win Flying Lessons
way possible to bf email address Those nice people at activate.co.uk, your careers and jobs website, are
by Monday 12th February 6pm. offering a fantastic prize to ensure you receive a Private’s Pilot License
and a minimum of 45 hours of training in the air and 20 on the ground.
My life is like a can of coke Sound nice, then email your answer to activateflyingcomp@making-
because….. waves.co.uk by 1st April.
Who or what were the first 3 passengers in the first ever air flight?
A doctor, a dentist and a soldier
A goat, a cockerel and a duck
A cabbage, a carrot and a runner bean
Otomo's "Akira" is dark, thought- do it justice. For that, only the genuinely terrifying, "Akira" isn't a
provoking and troubling in spades, extraordinarily visceral experience film for everyone - but in many
but it's not so much a portrait as a of the film will suffice. ways, it is an utterly unique experi-
vivid swathe of expressionist "Akira" is a stunningly absorbing ence.
imagery. Probably the best-known film. The latter parts of the movie,
example of Japanese animation in particular, take on an unnerving- University Arts Cinema will be
here in the UK, "Akira" originally ly dreamlike tone of horror. It's as showing "Akira" in Lecture Theatre
came to being as a several thou- though the film operates on a dif- G at 8pm this Wednesday.
sand-paged manga before its cre- ferent scale of time - and indeed,
ator dragged it, kicking, screaming the last hour feels like a lifetime, [this week's column by Pier Paolo
and biting, to the big screen. but for all the right reasons. Pasolini]
A two-hour firestorm of apocalyp- Violent, arresting, and at times
tic imagery and sensory bombard-
ment turned about a twisted,
thorny plot, "Akira" more than
deserves its reputation as a cine-
ma classic. The story is too dense
to fully relate here - there's para-
normal powers, sinister military
experiments, violent rebellion, and
a horrific, half-known past - but
even with enough room, I couldn't
Logan Hiller Adam Jakeway Spencer Theobald Lisa Widdows

Luke Hickey Tristan O’Dwyer Andrew Thomas James Buller

Mark Godfrey Philip Hawtin Richard Beltran John Geeson

Mark Limbrick Simon Chappell David Civil Denise Goodwin

8 Elections 15/02/01

Your Union? Your Voice!

That’s right; the Students’ Union.
Your Students’ Union: that multitag-
onal building near The One That
Looks Like Titanic. Does some good
stuff. Cheap drinks. Busy nightclub.
Sabbatical elections give you the chance to do just that – whether you’re standing for election, running some-
body’s campaign, or one of the thousands being canvassed at, if you’re a full member of the Students’ Union,
you’ve the right to vote in these elections.
The people elected will be influencing your life here over the next year, in terms of how well the Union’s run and
how you’re represented both at University and at a national level. Your vote is important. Please use it!

But that’s not actually what the

Union’s all about. The real purpose
of the SU is making sure your point
of view is
listened to by the University, provid-
ing welfare support, academic
advice, co-ordinating sports and
social activity; publications, commu-
nications, etc. However, all this can’t
happen by itself, which is where the
Sabbatical team step in. They are a
group of six elected representatives
each responsible for a different
aspect of Union functioning.

Vote [1]… Right, I’m going to vote.

Candidates may well use all kinds of publicity to win your vote, but basi-
What’s the system?
cally your decision needs to be based on who you think will do the best
job. We use a Single Transferable Voting system where, rather than just pick-
You can decide this by reading their manifestos on the following pages, ing one candidate, you get to rank the candidates in your order of prefer-
by talking to candidates, or by coming along to Hustings (candidate ques- ence. For example, you might vote:
tion time) in week 4. Henry’s Cat 2
If you don’t feel a certain candidate is suitable, indicate this by voting
“RON” (Re-open Nominations) for that role. Zippy
George
Voting is taking place in week 6, at the following times and locations: Cookie Monster 1

Monday 19th Feb 10.30 – 2.30 Lecture Theatres Re-open Nominations

Tuesday 20th Feb 10.30 – 2.30 Teaching Block
Wednesday 21st Feb 10.30 – 2.30 & 7 – 11pm Union This would mean you want Cookie Monster to win, and if Cookie Monster
Thursday 22nd Feb 10.30 – 2.30 Teaching Block doesn’t get the job, then you would like Henry’s Cat to get it instead. If
Friday 23rd Feb 10.30 – 2.30 Lecture Theatres Henry’s Cat didn’t win either, you are effectively saying you don’t mind
which of the others gets the job (because you haven’t given any other pref-
erences).
To vote, simply go along to one of the sessions above with your campus
card, where your name and URN will be checked, and you’ll be given a If, however, you voted like this:
Henry’s Cat 2
stamped ballot paper. Follow the instructions on the paper, and place in
the sealed ballot box. Zippy 3
George
Sabbs can make a lasting impact on Union and University policy – so
Cookie Monster 1
your vote is vitally important, whether you’re here next year or not. For
more information, talk to any of the current sabbs or candidates, or visit Re-open Nominations 4
the Union website at http://www.ussu.co.uk/elections/index.asp
Then you would be saying that your preferences would be Cookie Monster,
Henry’s Cat and Zippy in that order. Then, if none of those won, you would
prefer to scrap the whole election than let that stupid hippo George win –
this is indicated by RON being your fourth choice.

When we count up the votes, we first count the number of 1’s each candi-
date has. If no candidate reaches the quota required to win, then the can-
didate with the fewest votes is eliminated, and his or her votes are re-dis-
tributed according to the voter’s next preference. This process is repeated
until somebody reaches the quota – and then that person is the winner.

Vote George [1] for Vote Henry’s Cat [2] Vote Cookie M [3]
VP Comms & for VP Comms & for VP Comms & See the sabbatical candidates speeches on
Marketing Marketing Marketing www.ussu.co.uk from 6pm Friday 16th February
15/02/01 President 9
LOG IN, LOG ON: VOTE LOGAN [1] FOR PRESIDENT
The Background The Prelude The Story

I am a final year biochemist doing a dis-
sertation on the clock genes.
Up until recently I was a supervisor in
Chancellors. I have been working there
and occasionally in the Union for nearly
two years. I quit. I disagree with various
levels of the management on many
issues which face the Union but which
they continue to fail to resolve.
I am currently playing a role in the Mad
Society production of Guys and Dolls,
Nathan Detroit, a small time Broadway
gangster who is only trying to set up a
dice game for the convenience of those
who want a little action. In return for
which I take a small cut.
My greatest pleasure is travelling and as
well as participating in the U.S. exchange
program, I have covered extensive parts
of the planet. I am well read in both his-
tory and cultures and some of my great-
est friends at the university are Italian
and Greek.
A.M.A.N with A. Kanakis and S.
Kalivatsis
My interests include languages, theatre,
people and writing. I have written poetry,
plays and novels. I am a typical scientist;
I cultivate my own Pretentious Society.
I am dynamic, hard working and pas-
sionate. I love people and I would like
to improve the Union to make the
University of Surrey a more pleasant
and enjoyable experience for you, the
students. I have a good idea of the
problems facing us within and without
the structure of the management and
the staff and am always willing to listen
to and develop other people's ideas as
well as having many of my own.
Proposer: Panayiotis Kamoutsis “Panos”
Economics & The Greek Buddha
Seconder: David Chapman “Chops”
Psychology, barefacts, sports exec, Pres Surf Soc
Guarantor: Phil Hallchurch
Music, Sonic Boom DJ
Guarantor: Samantha Williams
Management Studies, Helicopter & Yoga Enthusiast
Guarantor: Bernadette Robinson “Bernie”
Nurse, Captain Women’s Rugby Team
Guarantor: Antonio Bernardi
Sociology, Die hard romantic
The Union is in debt. Chancellors is losing business very quickly. They do not
know what it is that you want. Only you know. I see you often from behind the
bar, bored, tired and drunk, lining the perimeter of the dance floor. You should
take back the Union; it is there for you.
Staff conditions are terrible. Anyone who is a member of the bar staff will know
this to be true. I would improve this by tackling our recruitment problem head
on, institute a rewarded training and loyalty scheme and general meetings for all
Union staff in order to build an effective team.
No matter who we are. No matter where we came from. We have ideas.
A member of the Entertainments management has been quoted as saying 'If it
ain't broke don't fix it.' The Union is Broke. Why were we bewitched for £13,000?
The Epilogan
I would big up the Radio. Open up the main union as a venue and a space
throughout the week and put my back into its promotion. It is empty most nights.
Just putting some good chilled music for the people playing pool would be a
change. Develop the relationship the Union has with town and continue to sup-
port and strengthen ties with the university as a whole. I would change
Wednesday nights to a more alternative night upstairs and even if you don't like
House, Trance, Garage, R n B and Funky Hip Hop you will at least appreciate
that the other music is tired. We don't need two nights of Cheese a week. There
is FNO for that.
If you are too scared to experiment you shouldn't be a student. In the societies
aspects of the union, I will continue the good work of the current sabbatical
team, strengthening our relationship with the NUS, persevering with issues such
as accommodation and security, encouraging the proliferation of new societies
within the union and work hard with my elected sabbatical team in their areas of
expertise.
I am not kidding myself. I know these changes will be difficult to bring about but
if we all work as a UNION, anything is possible. Unity needs a verse to be com-
plete. Make this your Union and let me help you.

UNITY NEEDS A VERSE TO BE COMPLETE

ADAM JAKEWAY [1] FOR PRESIDENT

Who Am I? Student Representation

I'm Adam, a final year Chemistry with Management student and my
aim is to be the president of our student's union for the next academic
year. Many of you probably recognise me because if I'm not working
for the union, you'll probably find me having a beer and a chat. I am
an outgoing, enthusiastic and committed member of USSU and I
think I have what it takes to represent you next year.
Why Me?
During my four years at Surrey I have always been actively involved
with the student's union and currently represent the student body on
the finance and services committee. I am also a keen member of the
rugby club and have been social secretary of the Chemsoc
ADAM JAKEWAY [1] FOR ALL
committee. My various commitments to UniS and USSU have not
Proposer; only given me experience in the way that the student's union works
but has also shown me the potential that the union has, not only as
(2nd year Economics, pub quiz compere, the best venue for miles around but as a helping hand and resource
Old Git) for all students at Surrey. I believe I have the qualities necessary to
Seconder;
harness this potential and make the most of our union for everybody
studying at Surrey.
(final year Midwifery Student)
‘Your Union’
Guarantors:
Evangelia Komitopoulou The student's union should be important to all students not only as a
(PG Biological sciences, USSU security) social centre for nights out, but also as a place to relax, and the focal
David Glossop
point for clubs and societies. There is always room for improvements
(1st year Mech Eng, Member of Rugby 1st
in service and during my term as president I will not shy away from
XV and Cricket Club)
tough decision making if it is for the benefit of the student body as a
Andrew Adu
whole. The student's union is open for anything up to 18 hours a day
(Final year Chemist, Afro Caribbean Soc)
Sattha ("Santa") Songvijava and I would like to see the building as full as possible all day long,
whether it is being used for dancing, working or even a game of pool
(PG SEMS)
with a coffee and a fag.
The most important aspect of being the president is
representing you. The University of Surrey is extremely
fortunate in that it is home to a broad range of cultures
and tastes, and through improvements in communication
I shall ensure that all students are fully represented as
members of the student's union. I shall also promote our
involvement with the NUS on a national level as a
valuable source of student representation and support.
[1] FOR ALL
As your president I will: -
Represent ALL students at meetings, whether
it be in the union, with the university at Senate
House, or at a national level.
Play a full and active part in the decisions sur-
rounding the Improvement of the provision of
accommodation for ALL students, especially
those with back to back arrangements
(SMSSS, SOMS, LIS, PG's, MSE, EHIMS)
Ensure free Wednesday afternoons for ALL
students
Improve communication between the union
and ALL students (Placement, Hazel Farm,
Off Campus) to increase the participation of
members with USSU.
‘As president it will be my intention via a
friendly, efficient and organised approach to
raise awareness of ALL of the opportunities,
facilities and amenities available to
EVERYONE.’
10 President & Education and Welfare 15/02/01

VOTE SPENCER [1] FOR PRESIDENT

Who Am I? Spenny's Sponsors
Hi, I'm Spencer, you may remember me from such campaigns as; Proposer - Paul Canning
Ban Fox Hunting (before 2am) and the Cash For (tutorial) Questions Treasurer Physoc
saga. I'm currently in the 2nd year studying computing and my time Seconder - Alistair Fitch
here has been great. In my first year I was a campus court repre- Chairman Ski & Snowboard
sentative and I'm currently the Social Secretary of the Ski and Guarantors: Nick Ludford
Snowboarding Club. Ex Captain Water Polo
Sam Hurst
Policies Chairman Food & Wine
Root & branch review of Union bar and ents services - Christina Helioti
following up the good work done this year 2nd year Psychology
Increase awareness of local jobs available to students Paul Wright
Expansion of commercial and corporate interests within the Chairman OFU
union (eg. sponsorship).
To look seriously into the benefits of staying with the NUS
Continued support of all Clubs and Societies in partnership Let Me Entertain You
with VP Sports and VP Soc & Culture Most Students come to university to have a
Open door, if I'm in come and chat I'm interested in your good time and get a degree while doing it…
opinions (or should that be the other way around?).
Why Me? Here are some of my ideas.
More live bands in the Union
Why me is a question I often ask myself in How (Inc. student bands)
the morning. In terms of the presidency, I'm Plough back proceeds from extra commercial/corporate More guest DJ's
and active, friendly and outgoing member of funding into improved entertainments and reduced bar prices More promotions to attract people
the union who cares passionately about the Working as a team with the other Sabbs and with consolation back
Union and its students. I've a proven track of the students to find out what you really want
record for organisational skills through my Improving ties between the university and the local
participation with the ski club, if you vote for authority/community to find areas of common interest where
me I promise to dedicate all of my energies to we can work together
improving the student's Union for all of us. More participative events on a Wednesday and Friday night

Be Positive Vote [1] Theobald

VOTE [1] FOR LISA WIDDOWS VP EDUCATION AND WELFARE
WHO
CAN
FIX IT?
Lisa's Team
Proposer: Rebecca (Rue) Heath
4th Year Retail Management Union
Working Party Member, Member of
Skiing team, USSU Bar Supervisor
Seconder: Claire Haggett
Phd Sociology
Union Environment Officer 1999-2000,
Green Soc, Year Rep
Guarantor's:
Sven Bassett
3rd Year International Hospitality
and Tourism Management
Ex Treasurer of Rugby and Hazel
Farm Committees, Member of Rugby,
Equestrian and Skiing teams, Finance
and Services Representative, USSU
Bar Supervisor
Emma Lind
3rd Year Dance and Culture
Year Rep
Stephen Gilbert
3rd Year Electronic Engineer
Amelia Gammon
3rd Year Dance and Culture
Chairperson of Emotive Dance
Company, Former Year Rep
Who am I? My Role
Hi, I'm Lisa. I am a final year dance and culture student who is passionate about making your university years "An education and welfare officer
the best of your life. Not only may first years remember mine as one of the first faces they saw when arriving is responsible for all matters of
in September, but also to them and everybody else, I may have been seen dancing in various locations education and welfare affecting
around campus, for my course, be it by the lake, in AP or in Chancellors. Having worked in the Union since the union and its members."
my first semester at Surrey, I know it from the inside and want to use that knowledge to help and support you
in any way I can. Education
I will offer advice and representa-
What makes me the right choice? tion in all educational matters
I am a proven team player. My job as a Bar Supervisor and my course demand that I have to be. I am com- from academic grievances and
mitted to what I believe and dedicated to see it through to the end. My communication skills mean that every- appeals to general course prob-
one will feel welcome, if they ever need to see me. Along with my listening and understanding nature, I lems. I will also liase with course
believe these qualities are paramount for the position and I will use them to the best of my ability. reps and heads of departments to
ensure that communication is a
EDUCATION priority in education.
Departmental: Welfare
o Re-approach departments and improve communication between them I will listen and offer advice on
o Use notice boards to increase awareness of course procedures matters concerning individual wel-
o Improve course rep training fare. I will liase with support serv-
o Ensure fair and strong representation for students at course board meetings and with appeals ices and ensure everyone is
o Support and encourage the 'buddy' system within departments aware of these services. Finally I
will co-ordinate with Union cam-
Fees: Jobs: paigns, on issues that students
o Be involved and strengthen our o To pursue the possibility of introducing a 'job care about.
participation in the national campaign shop' i.e a recruitment agency Awareness and Action.
against tuition fees o To set up careers conventions in liaison with I will make people aware of what I
o Look at the possibility of paying fees in the careers service for information post- can do for them and I will act on
instalments degree employment what they tell me they need. Our
University and Union has many
WELFARE services and one of my priorities
is to increase awareness that they
Services and Health: exist. I can guide you to these
I am committed to all areas of health care and will ensure that all students are aware of the services avail- facilities that you are entitled to.
able, from childcare to the medical services, from niteline to the counselling service. I plan to re-introduce a
nursery for staff and students. I am determined to be part of maintaining their reliability and purpose to
ensure their availability to you in and out of term time.
Disability:
Evaluate ways of making campus more accessible and I am completely committed to improving all facilities
on campus for any students with additional requirements. (This includes all aspects of disabilities)
Safety: Accommodation:
o Combat the problems of lighting and o Set up focus groups to discuss
security on campus ideas concerning the present
o Introduce self defence classes for all 'arrangement'
o Improve bus services covering Hazel Farm, Manor o To look at the housing system
Farm and Tesco’s generally and consider ways of
o Develop a scheme whereby students living off improvement
campus can feel confident in returning home safely
15/02/01 VP Communications & Marketing 11

VOTE LUKE HICKEY [1] FOR VP COMMS & MARKETING

Who am I? So why me?

Hi, I'm Lovebite, a final year Maths & Stats student. Right, now take a deep breath, here Well, being deputy editor of bf this year has meant two
is my record so far. This year I am the barefacts deputy editor, this generally involves writ- things: 1) I do the current editor's job when he's away and
ing large chunks of the paper (across all sections) and then laying-up/editing bf, with the cur- 2) I have had the experience of being on the
rent editor, 'till some stupid hour of Wednesday morning (usually 4am). I am also (or at least Communications Committee. Through this I have been
will be when it launches) head of news at GU2 radio, as well as presenting shows. I am chair involved with more of the behind the scenes stuff, like get-
of the Ultimate Frisbee Sports Club and brought the club up from the brink of folding back in ting advertisers and the bf budget (it's not as large as
September. you'd think). I have a history of being an ideas man, in fact
a number of bf's new features this year are my brainchild,
In my 2nd year I was the Sports Rep for my department, winning both team and individ- particularly the 'Try It' section, which has led to many of
ual awards. I was the fixture secretary and 2nd team captain of the Cricket Club and was the featured societies and sports clubs increasing their
also in the G&S (now called MadSoc) production. I would tell you about my 1st year but I'm membership significantly.
fast running out of space.
On the marketing side, I have had experience of obtain-
Luke's Supporters: Communications: ing and getting sponsorship for local drama productions
I propose to: and for sports clubs at home. I hope to be doing the same
Proposer:
Mark Shaw (Maths & Stats final year, again, when organising the first ever UniS Ultimate
GU2/GCR presenter, football club (6th Improve the levels of campus news reported in bf and in news programs on GU2. Frisbee tournament. I have also had the chance to sit on
team captain 98-99) and cricket club Make the union communications more open and students aware of what their USSU marketing focus groups, thus gaining an incite into
both 97-01) elected officers are doing for them. the good and bad points there.
Improve union information for placement students. On my placement I heard
Seconder:
David Abbott (Electrical Engineering nothing from USSU, this year a few emails have been sent. I propose to increase Marketing:
final year, Union Chairperson 00-01, this and also produce a placement newsletter at least once a semester. I propose to:
barefacts Features Editor 01, Ofu Chair Return the bf 'Personals' section to its former glory.
98, Ofu treasurer 99 & 01). Increase the number of quality features of student interest in bf and in particular To make the Union feel welcoming for all students
Phased. To aid all societies and sports clubs in improving
Guarantors:
David 'Chops' Chapman Highlight incompetence in the University and return bf to being the Student Voice marketing their products
(Applied Psychology & Sociology 1st year, that holds UniS to task. To increase links with the local community
Sports Executive 00-01, barefacts Sports
Editor 00-01, Surf Club chair (and founding Continue the excellent work taken place this year in improving the Union Website. To improve on my existing contacts with officials of
member) 99-01, Course Rep 99- 00) Increase the flow of information from union officials through the website. other Student Unions, to promote links between us
Matt 'Kempy' Jackson
(Economics final year, Hockey Club 97- Make the website carry more news applicable to placement students. and them.
01, 1st team Captain 00-01, treasurer Add UniS sports results / reports to the website. Make GU2 as commercial success through effec
98-99)
Bulent Yazici Make GU2 as diverse in music taste as the students it serves. tive marketing.
Computing final year, USSU Technology Increase the marketing on the Union Website, thus
Officer and Webmaster 00-01, Sailing Club increasing the financial income from it.
97-01(including Yachting Skipper, Safety
Officer and Webmaster), Course Rep 98-00)

Barefacts to be returned to all students. GU2 to be made a commercial success. Communications to be exactly that.
Rob Houston
(Music & Tomeister 1st year, Ultimate Frisbee

It’s YOUR UNION you deserve to know what happens in it.

and MadSoc 00-01, Battersea Court Chair 00

Vote Tristan O’Dwyer [1]

VP Communications & Marketing
Communications
Barefacts
Barefacts is the longest running student newspaper in the country, with
a reputation for quality. I will build on its existing strengths by:
Encouraging more people to contribute.
Increasing representation for foreign students.
Increasing awareness and ease of access of the on-line
Barefacts.
5XH & Phased
These publications are the ideal opportunity for contributions from those
who may not have time to contribute to Barefacts on a regular basis but
would like to have their voice heard. I will continue with these publica-
tions and encourage as much contribution as possible.
GU2
This will be a new radio station with a two mile broadcast radius. I will
ensure we:
Provide interesting, informative, and entertaining
programming.
Use GU2 to promote Barefacts and all Union events.
Approach music societies and encourage them to
contribute programmes and promote themselves.
Use Barefacts to keep listeners informed of GU2
programming.
Life members and Placement Students
It is easy to keep informed about the Union when you are on campus
everyday, but what about those who are away? Placement students are
kept informed to an extent, but I believe we can do much more.
Life members of the Union are currently very poorly informed about the
Union and its events. These people have chosen to pay to stay in the
Union, but it seems to them as if all links are broken once they gradu-
ate. I propose to:
Start an e-mailing list to keep members informed of
changes to the Union and of forthcoming events.
Investigate possibilities for starting a publication for life
members.
I aim to ensure that excellent relations with the NUS are maintained to
make sure that our students get the best out of the NUS and that we can
make our voices heard on a national scale.
Who am I?
I am a final year Physics student who likes
getting involved! Throughout my years at UniS
I have been involved in many Union activities,
giving me skills that I believe are essential for
this position. I have been Communications
Officer for the Mountaineering Club, a student
tutor, and I am currently a member of the
music executive as well as liaisons officer for
No-Wave, which have all given me essential
experience in communicating with others. I
have also been involved in Barefacts, as part
of the music review team and a regular con-
tributor of letters.
I am the drummer in the band "Trayscrape",
which has seen me get involved in organising
events and establishing a website.
My placement year saw me gain excellent
communications skills training, teaching expe-
rience, and valuable editorial experience.
These are all reasons why I believe I make the
ideal candidate for Communications and
Marketing
Marketing
Marketing is a very significant part of this job, whether it be marketing
the Union to the outside world, or of other organisations through adver-
tising space in Barefacts publications and in the Union building itself.
Within the Union
Once elected, I propose to investigate current deals to determine if the
students are being best served by them, and optimise any marketing
opportunities to the Union's benefit.
Marketing the Union to the outside
I also propose to:
Foster good links with, and market the Union well to the local
community.
Advertise Union events in local and national media when it is
appropriate to do so.
It is very important that USSU is seen in the best possible light by the
outside world. I believe I have the communication skills necessary to
achieve this.
Marketing the Union to the students
I will also work closely with the Entertainments manager to ensure that
all Union events are marketed well around the University, so that all stu-
dents know what events are being provided for them. I will find new
ways of marketing the Union and it's activities to students.
Proposer
Owen Hazelby - (Bio-Sciences, Barefacts Music Editor, No-
Wave Chairman)
Seconder
Kate Lancaster - (Physics Final Year, Course Rep)
Guarantors
Dan Driscoll - (Chemistry Post-Graduate, USMC Treasurer,
Music Exec)
Michael Gemis-Iordanou - (Physics, Hellenic Society)
Darrell Thomas - (Physics, Football Club Chairman)
Chris Woods - (Tonmeister, Mens Water Polo Captain,
Music Exec, & Motion)
12
Andrew Thomas [1] VP Communications & Marketing
Publishing & Marketing Experience
Aside from my activities within the union I have got plenty of
other experience I think will be valuable in making me the
best choice for VP Communications & Marketing. My place-
ment year was spent in the publishing department of a large
company, producing all kinds of promotional material. I
understand the whole print process and understand all the
technicalities of producing a regular publication such as Bare
Facts. In my second year I worked part time in student mar-
keting for Sony Music, promoting releases and organising
events. I run a website on unsigned music and student cul-
ture, which itself is an extension of my own self published
fanzine/magazine, “quirk”. I have produced 18 issues of my
fanzine over the past 5 years and the website has so far had
over 18,000 hits in the space of 2 years.
JAMES P. BULLER
Who? Hi! I’m James, Maths & Computing
final year. I’m a familiar face around
campus, being heavily involved with
the Union ever since I arrived here. I have been voted:
* Barefacts News Editor 1997-2001
* Nightline (all jobs including President) 1998-2001
* Course Rep 1997-2001
* M.A.C.S. Webmaster 1998-2001
Plus, I sit on the National Nightline Executive, elected by NL
volunteers all over the UK.
Societies Amenities, General, International,
Art & Ents., Departmental, Religious
I pledge to...
* Organise an extra Re-Fresher Fair in January
* Seek out societies that need support & supply it
* Provide support materials and training for committees
throughout the year
* Promote the Millennium Volunteers scheme to
increase participation
* Arrange for societies to work together for mutual benefit
* Simplify finding out about, and joining societies
* Work with the Comms & Marketing Sabbatical to get
your messages out
* Transform the Union’s Activities Centre into a useful resource
“I want societies to come to me with their problems
but go out thinking of our problems”
I’ll offer real, practical and moral support to all our societies so Trampolining Club,
they grow in size and stature. I want members of such soci- BTF Coach
eties to have fun and learn valuable skills through participa-
tion. I’ll meet with each society to discuss achieving their aims
using effective:
publicity, recruitment, organisation,
budgets & sponsorship.
I will offer any back-up or advice required, then I’ll ensure the
Union delivers.
Comms, Societies & Culture 15/02/01
Just who do I think I am?
My name’s Andrew Thomas and I am a final year in on all kinds of issues, including an eyewitness report
Psychology. During my time at Surrey I have been on the Mayday anti-capitalist demonstration/riot in
involved with various student societies and campus London. I co-host a radio show on GU2, and previous-
media including Bare Facts, GU2 and the No Wave ly on GCR - mixing spontaneous discussion with
music society. Currently I am Production Editor for slightly dodgy pop and indie music. I am the Publicity
Bare Facts and was Music Editor in my second year. I Officer for the No Wave alternative music society, and
have also written many articles for the paper, this year also occasionally DJ at their nights. Please note, this
including the Daphne & Celeste interview, “Shiny Bus does not make me a scary goth - I dance badly to
Theory”, and the Rag week story of an alien crash cheese and house at FNO just like everyone else!
landing on campus! In previous years I have reported
Our Student Media Our Union
The next year will see a big period of change for student Some events in the union building have been fantastically
media at Surrey. With GU2 finally running on a frequency we successful, others have had the pulling power of an elderly
can all hear I want to integrate it together with Bare Facts hamster tied to a juggernaut. The key difference in many of
and the union website to be the best media service possible. these cases, marketing. Sticking a few posters up is not
Another communication tool I wish to make more use of is e- enough, as Communications & Marketing Officer I shall look
mail, providing a text based weekly summary of Bare Facts to ensure that all events are promoted through as many
for placement students who are often unable to spend time channels as possible, Bare Facts, GU2, the internet, and of
viewing the site or downloading large Acrobat pdf files. Bare course, decent posters. I shall make every effort to ensure
Facts itself is good but it could be better. The key, making it that you know what is going on when and where so you have
a paper that really represents our interests and views. Our the maximum choice of things to do when lectures are over
student newspaper should be reporting news we want to and the coursework can wait (!). Barefacts and GU2 will also
read in a way that looks and reads as good as any “real” continue to provide the latest information on what is going on
newspaper. Barefacts should also be entertaining with con- in Guildford and beyond when you need that vital change of
sistently good features, creative writing, and a reviews sec- scene.
tion covering a greater scope of music
and the arts. A good mix presented in
a lively exciting style. Essentially a Brighter Broader Bare Facts!
Supporters
These people think I’m worth a [1], I hope you do too.
Proposer: Reuben Thompson (first year LIS, Bare Facts Political Editor)
Seconder: Ellen van Keulen (final year Computing and IT, Bare Facts Marketing)
Guarantors: Nick Walsh (final year Psychology, Bare Facts Science Editor)
Graham Jackson (final year Mechanical Engineering)
Christina Howard (Masters in Environmental Psychology)
Michelle Lewis (final year Music, leader of the Orphean String Quartet)
Societies & Culture
Why Me? I...
* Believe I can do the job, and do it well
* Have considerable knowledge of the Union & University
* Am renowned for creating thriving societies
* Am aware of how Surrey’s huge range of cultures at
can enrich all of our lives
* Will work tirelessly on your ideas as well as my own
* Have had a great student life and want others to have
an even better one!
Culture Music, Ethnicity, Age, Colour,
Sexuality, Gender, Values, Beliefs
Buller, Building I promise to...
* Look after the interests of international, placement,
A Better mature, postgraduate, religious, LGBT, nursing &
part time students. No-one will be forgotten.
* Encourage themed weeks/days/nights
* Organise 'UK awareness evening' for overseas students
* Promote multicultural participation in student media
* Review the success of multicultural activities in other
Students' Unions
I shall uphold the identities of our diverse cultural groups and
strive to improve
awareness, understanding & integration
of them so they expand all our horizons. Being able to join in is
Proposer: Seconder:
Natalie Ford Justine Rose not enough: Everyone needs to feel welcome and accepted.
Nightline Training It's a two-way thing, the more you give the more you get.
Officer
...and there’s more!
Guarantors:
David Abbott Luke Hickey
Union Chairperson, Barefacts Deputy I shall...
OFU Treasurer, Bf. Editor, Ultimate * Campaign for better campus lighting & security
Feats Ed. Windband Frisbee President, * Say NO to Tuition & Top Up Fees
Tim Brown GU2 DJ * Fight to keep down bar prices
PGA President, Hiroshi Shimaski
* Make YOUR Union good for YOU.
Christian Union Japanese Society
 15/02/01 VP Societies & Culture 13
The union's many varied soci- What I will do for societies:
About me eties provide students with an
excellent opportunity to take o Try to raise the
In my three and a half years at Surrey, I've part in many different activities profile of societies
within the University.
been involved in several clubs and societies, and sports as well as meeting
including restarting PhotoSoc two years ago, other like minded people. If o Review the formal
which I chaired. I also am an active member of elected I shall continue the high societies structure.
Stage Crew-- you've probably seen me doing level of organisation necessary
o Make the formation
the lights at FNO. When I'm not doing some- to ensure the smooth running of of new societies
all societies, while also endeav- easier
thing else, you might even have seen me in the
ouring to reduce the paperwork
Chemistry department where I've been study- facing committees to help soci- o Make life easier for
ing Computer Aided Chemistry, which of course eties concentrate on their activi- societies in general,
means I get to blow up two sets of labs! ties and not bureaucracy. with less bureaucracy
This is me, if you didn’t and more enjoyment!
know! At the moment not all cultures o Ban restrictions on
and minorities are adequately membership of
What I will do for you: I've enjoyed the union's facilities and societies and
represented within the union.
the hard work put in by previous This is definitely something to enforce equality
o Promote a more varied sabbatical officers over the last four policy.
be looked into.
cultural experience for academic years, and now I feel it is o Maintain the current
Union members. time for me to put something back Thank you for your support! variety of societies in
The Societies and Culture post will Remember: Mark Godfrey [1] the Union.
o Make sure Student views hopefully allow me to carry on the for VP Societies and
are adequately represented o Bring back SillySoc
good work, and to change certain Culture. nights!
within the union.
things which haven't been perfect.
Proposer: Edward Hook - Chemistry final year, professional
o Give next year's new intake Specifically support for placement
socialite, all round good bloke.
the welcome they deserve year students from the union could
Seconder: Andrew Thomas - Barefacts Production Editor,
and make Freshers week be better. No-Wave publicity officer. final year Psychology.
better than ever! Guarantors:
It's equally important to remember Dan Driscoll - Chemistry postgrad, Secretary Mountaineering
o Maintain better contact with that the sabbatical job isn't just club, MusicSoc (No Wave) committee member,
placement students, wher about the specific brief, but about Union bar staff .
ever in the world they are. being a good sabbatical in general;
doing the less glamorous things and Martin Turner - Stage Crew secretary, Civil Engineering 1st year.
o Enthusiastically take on Jonathon Davies - LGB Soc President, Physics Final Year.
looking after the union and its mem-
whatever challenges present
themselves during the year. bers, as well as their interests.
Reuben Thompson - Barefacts Political Editor, 1st Year Languages.

Mark Godfrey [1] - I’ll show you a good time!

You are all students, and we know why students really come to university…
For the SOCIAL life!
And what better way to get to meet people than join one of the many societies that is run by our student Union. There are over 60 societies catering
for just about everyone's taste in activities and if there isn't something there that interests you, then you can start a society your self.

I have recently returned from a year out in

We are in a lucky position at this
university, with over 2000
international students from 120
different countries, and this can
provide us all a chance to
experience different cultural
aspects. I would like to make
international week more prominent
for the average student, as well
as trying to bring major events
(such as Chinese new year) to a
wide range of students with
events in the Union.
There are some students that
don't start in September, in
particular post graduates and
diploma nurses, and so don't get a from these, I attend final year Chemistry Lectures.
true Surrey welcome. I would like
to arrange some way for these
students to get involved with
societies as easily as a normal
fresher would by organising a
Re-Fresher's Fayre in semester
2.
industry, and have suffered from the lack
of information sent out to placement
students. I would like to provide placement
students with a link to what is happening on
Campus. After all they are still Surrey
Students.
Proposer: Louisa Phillipson
Final year Chemist, Trampolining and
Women's Rugby.
Seconder: Emma Clark
Final year Biochemist, Stage Crew, No
Wave, Vice President of GameSoc.
Hi I’m Philip Hawtin
Guarantors
I am the secretary for the Games Society, Treasurer for the
Chess Club and the Scout and Guide Club, entertainment
Nadia Khan
President of Stag Hill Archers, Post Graduate
officer for Stag Hill Archers, an active member of the Student
Christian Union, and when I have a few minutes spare Laura Tamblin
Third year Nurse, Climbing Club, Christian
Union.
Over my time at this university I have been very involved Dave Davy
with various clubs and societies, and have got lots out of Wates House bar staff, THE Paintball Soc.,
the opportunities they offer. Having served on or for eight GameSoc, Netgamer, and final year Elec. Eng.
Society and Club committees, I have a good knowledge of Keith Porterhouse
the running of a Society, and the problems it can cause, as Second year Mech. Eng., President of the
Christian Union
well as some of the solutions.
14
VOTE [1] TICH FOR VP FINANCE & DEVELOPMENT
A little bit about me….
Known as Richard Beltrán or 'Tich', you may
recognise my face (well, the back of my head
at least!) from seeing me working behind one of
the bars in the Union, when I've driven various
sports clubs and societies or when I drove you
to and from either Hazel Farm, Cindy's or if
you've been here long enough, Bojanglez.
Currently studying Economics I've been
involved with this university and USSU since
'95 as well as working in central London for
three years.
Born, raised and living in a multicultural society,
I endeavour to broaden and learn many new
international experiences.
This leads me to basically sum myself up as;
Approachable, Easy Going and Open minded
with a pragmatic approach to life.
Proposer: Guarantors:
Charlie Wilson Gregory Maroudas
Ex-shift leader @ Greek Soc
Chancellors, Simon Chappel
Economics Canoe Club Chair &
Treasurer
Seconder: Simone Cuscito
Panos Kamoutsis
Italian Soc
Antonio Bernardi
Economics Italian Soc
Vote John Geeson for VP Finance and Development
About me
Hi I'm John, I'm in my 4th yr studying biochem-
istry. You have probably seen me about
in the union or Cindies as these have appeared to
be my second home lately! I like to dabble in a bit
of climbing and the occasional game of footie
when trying to avoid work! My friends see me as
energetic, chatty and approachable type who likes
to get the most out of life!
Development of an 'every-day'
union
You are probably not the first person to question
the prices of the goods and services provided by
the union. I often hear "what does the union do
with all it's cash" or "other unions benefit their stu-
dents more". So how can the union be improved?
Quite simply, I feel the key is every day value and
accountability to its members.
Value: By voting for me you will ensure that:
A. fresh new ways of encouraging extra revenue
into the union:
B. A full, thorough 'no stone left unturned' review
of union structure/expenditure in both the com-
mercial and non-commercial wing.
Accountability: 'Show me the money week' will
stay plus I propose to make quarterly summaries
of union services available with the added oppor-
tunity for feedback discussion groups/1 to 1
discussion groups as I feel it is us, the students,
that can improve the every day value of the
union.
‘if you like what you see - vote for John G’
VP Finance & Development 15/02/01
Through my time in industry, I saw Development for the Union,
many opportunities for raising
for the students…
revenue for the USSU through
private sponsorship and advertising,
I have deep sense of respect and hon-
which could benefit both private
our to be part of such a diverse and
companies, and most importantly,
multicultural population with many indi-
our Student's Union. Throughout
viduals adding their experiences, ideas
my duration with this university,
through the rich variation of different
I've held positions as Chairman and
cultures, backgrounds and skills and I
Treasurer of the Canoe Club as well
want to see our Union expand, adapt
as helping with charity organisa-
and develop with and for the student
tions such as the Scout movement
population.
to help raise funds.
Finance for the Union, for I will continue to strengthen the relations
"My goal is to tap into and 'milk'
and communications by the Union to our
the students… these opportunities."
members who feel neglected and isolated
such as International, Hazel Farm, and
There is a misconception that the Giving the students a louder voice
Nursing students.
USSU is run for profit and not in will be a priority therefore allowing
the interest of its population. students to having more input on
Unfortunately the USSU has prob- the commercial side of our union Finally…
lems, mainly inherited by this and thus giving more opportunity
year's sabbatical team. for you express your views and I feel that I've been around long enough,
ideas. and with both an Economics degree and my
commercial background, I feel it is time to
I will continue to build upon the
stop moaning and to positively do
current Vice-Presidents successes Most of you would of at some point
and tackling of its problems and benefited from the hard work of something about it!
issues by the means of one of the many clubs or societies
our Union has to offer and I see the
"More effective management of importance to provide and make
the USSU finances". available the proper help and sup-
port, both financially and practically.
VOTE [1] TICH!
Improving support for societies
Societies are all around us and whether you
base jumping in Norway this weekend or
going to an event at the HRB you must realise
their invaluable contribution to student life. I
feel that it is essential, with the extra revenue
gained to increase financial support for those
societies to improve facilities and encourage
new members!
Am I the man???
Unfortunately, I'm no overnight miracle-work-
er! But what I do have is enthusiasm and
determination to get the job done, and as the
organiser of the 'reduce the beers prices'
poster campaign I feel I have the wants and
desires of the every-day students in hand! So
o Greater revenue into the 'if you like what you see -vote for John G' [1],
union. finance and development.
o Extra support for societies. John's backer's
Proposer - Mark 'Crabby' Crabtree
o Increased accountability. Fellow 4th yr.
Seconder -Chris West
o Major expenditure overhaul. Drinking partner!
Guarantors-
o Increased feedback. (Kerrr-azy) Rachel Hawkins - Captain
Women's football.
o Possibility of kebabs on Andy Wingate -Fellow 4th yr.
campus Alan Murray - 4th economics/Climber.
Tom Dean -Final yr chemist.
 15/02/01 VP Finance and Development & VP Sports 15
Vote Mark Limbrick for VP Finance and Development
MARK LIMBRICK - VP FINANCE & DEVELOPMENT

Give a student a crate and they will drink for an evening.

Give a student a union and they will drink for a lifetime

Who are you voting for?

I'm Mark and I'm currently in my second year of economics. I'm an international athlete, well, if you count
hockey as a sport and Wales as a country. I can usually be found either propping up the bar in Chancellors
or scaring freshers on the dance floor with dance moves that would be more appropriate in a Trigger Happy
sketch. My main reason for running is so that I can reduce drinks prices in the union sufficiently enough to
become a full blown alcoholic.

Why vote for Mark?

If you want cheaper drinks prices, then vote for me, that is my main objective, and I think it's what most stu-
dents want. We have one of the most expensive union bars in the country, and I will do everything I can to
make that change. The Student's Union should be that, a union that takes into account what its members
want, nobody else should have a say. I also intend to raise greater funds for the union through sponsorship
schemes. This will be used for better entertainment events, better clubs and of course better alcohol. Of
course with the increased alcohol consumption we may need the help of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I intend
to bring them to the union, every Tuesday, at 8pm.

Development

The Union is run too much for the short -term, with so many various presidents and vice presidents over the
years, there has never been enough continuation of previous VP's work. I think that the Union needs a long
term business plan, that is simple to implement, in order to make sure that Chancellors never gets in as
much debt again, and so that our drinks prices never get this high again!

PROPOSER: DAVE TINY JENKINS SECONDER: PRESIDENT SPENCER THEOBALD

GURANTOR 1: HANNAH CLUCKY ASTON GURANTOR 2: MARIE YEAH BABY COLLINS
GURANTOR 3: JAMES MALIBU OLIVER (JIMOLLIE) GURANTOR 4: CAROLINE PATRICIA THE STRIP-
PER LAWRIE

Who am I? Minibuses
Hi, I'm Simon and I am running for the role of VP Sports. I'm a final year Another key aim of mine is to intensively lobby the University for
Retailer and Chairman of the Canoe Club, having been an active investment into the fleet of minibuses (or rather lack of!). Surrey has 52
member for the last four years. In addition to the role of Canoe Club Chair, sports clubs plus societies, all demanding minibuses and four minibuses is
I have also held the role of Treasurer and I am currently training for my simply not enough! It is now at such a stage where our clubs are now
level two instructor's qualification. I'm also a Union minibus driver and can loosing members, as they can't participate in their sport - this is especially
often be seen driving the Cindie's minibus or doing the Hazel Farm run on true at weekends for non-competitive clubs. There is a high emphasis on
a Friday night. sport at Surrey and we therefore need the provisions in place to allow us
to participate in this.
Why do I want this job?
In short - I believe I am the best person for the role. I have been Sport for All for fixtures as a result of time-tabled
considering this job for two years and am passionate about fulfilling the lectures.
requirements of this post. Having been involved in sport at Surrey for four I strongly believe in sport being
great years I have a good understanding of how Surrey sport works and open for all - regardless of ability Closer Relations
therefore I have a mass of ideas on the best way in which to and thus I propose to make Another point I believe in strongly is a
develop it. I am determined that, if elected, I will give 110% commitment to Surrey sport open and accessi- closer working relationship between
fulfilling my aims and will provide ‘the best possible support for those in Simon Chappell - VP Sports ble to everyone throughout the the sports office and sports exec. I
Surrey sport’. year. propose a scheme whereby the
Proposer: sports office operates a 'surgery
Why should you vote for me? David Sharman,
Charity Dinner Dance Chairman 2001 I propose that: hours' scheme whereby clubs can
I believe I have the right ideas to develop Surrey Sport and the Final Year Retail Management come in and liase with their sports
necessary skills to carry out this role effectively. Whilst on placement I was
Seconder: 1. There should be greater publicity exec rep with the emphasis being to
responsible for managing a series of customer events and I feel that the throughout the year of our sport's resolve clubs problems as quickly
Vikki Johnson,
organisational skills I have gleaned from this will stand me in good stead Sports Exec Chair, Ladies Hockey Chair, clubs with the use of Barefacts and effectively as possible. This
for carrying out this role effectively. 2nd Year Psychology and Sociology
scheme will also give future sports
Guarantors:
Sponsorship Andy Shanks,
2. We should work hard to retain the officers who are on sports exec a
My main aim for the role is to significantly increase the amount of funds available to Men's Football 2nds, Final Year Retail
number of members in our sports clearer view of the role from which to
Sports clubs through the role of sponsorship. Many clubs this year have Management clubs. Through the use of coaches take-over.
experienced financial difficulties - some not even having a proper kit! Therefore I will we can improve people's ability and
work strenuously to seek sponsorship for our teams from the mass of trade and
Rebecca Strong,
Women's Netball 2nd Team Captain, therefore increase the number of And Finally...
industry which we have in Guildford and the surrounding areas. Final Year BioChemistry members we retain.
Richard 'Tich' Beltran, I have been considering this role
This sponsorship will help to pay for high-level coaching for the sports team and thus Canoe Club (ex-Chairman and Treasurer) 3. More importance should be placed for some two years and although
Business Economics & Computing, 2nd
improve their on-the-field performances. A good example of this was at the start of Year, USSU Bar and Union Minibuses on keeping Wednesday afternoons I am not promising the impossi-
the year when women's football began to use the men's football coach for their train- free for sports - too many optional ble I do promise to develop
Alison Pettit, modules (esp. languages) are being Surrey Sport so that we can
ing sessions - since then the club has flourished and I believe all clubs should have HCR Committee Secretary,Final Year Retail
this opportunity. High-level coaching can only help our sportsmen and women in Management time-tabled for Wednesday after- once again, truly -
increasing the success of Surrey sport and lay the foundations for future. noons which is affecting our clubs as
‘SI
SI’MPLY THE BEST players/members are not turning up Be Part of the Pride.
As VP SPORTS I’ll serve each and every club to the best of my ability.
16 VP Sports 15/02/01

VOTE [1] David “Beaker” Civil for VP SPORTS

Hi, I'm Dave, a final year Retail Management student
and Course Rep for my year. Many of you probably
know me a lot better as Beaker. I've been involved in
sport here at Surrey since my Fresher's week, this
year I am Chairman of the Men's Hockey Club and
have been elected onto the Sport's Exec Committee.
I have gained a lot through my involvement in Surrey
sport over the last three and a half years - I now feel
it is time for me to give something back.
Participation
Sport should be available for anyone at our univer-
sity who wishes to participate and I will continue to
ensure that there is excellent provision and support
for sports men and women of all standards. There
are a number of key areas to address if we are to
increase participation:
Promoting the existing Union sports clubs
at a well run and marketed Sports Fayre.
Increasing participation in inter-departmen
tal sport through maintaining two way
communication between the sport's office
and Unisport and better communication
with department sport's reps.
Increasing awareness of the programmes
offered by Unisport e.g. Aerobics and
CampusDance and raising the awareness
of existing events such as the forthcoming
River Sports Day and the new Sports Day
(incorporating International Sports Day)
Ensuring that those who don't start universi
ty in Fresher's week are also made fully
aware of the vast range of facilities and
sports on offer - and how to get involved.
One way in which I would achieve this would be the
introduction of a NEW Sports Handbook - pro-
duced with Unisport this would be a quick one-stop
reference point and guide for everything about
Surrey Sport.
Wednesday Afternoons
On election, one of my first priorities would be working with the Schools and
Senate House as well as the VP Societies & Culture and VP Education &
Welfare, to ensure that there are no more lectures on a Wednesday after-
noon. This would free up at least one afternoon a week to allow you the stu-
dent to take part in sport, leisure, other societies or in these days of tuition
fees, an opportunity to earn money to help pay for your studies.
Minibuses
At present the situation with union minibuses is hardly ideal and I realise
that for a number of sports, their activities cannot take place without them.
I will look again at finding sponsorship for our buses and ensure that trans-
port is available for clubs as and when they need it.
Liaison
Working with the University Sports Advisory Committee and the
University's Director of Sport to ensure continued funding for sport at both
Union and University levels. Keeping sport in the minds of the University's
powers-that-be will be of increasing importance with the development of a Beaker's Backer's:
Manor Farm campus over the next few years. This is especially relevant for
all teams who use the facilities at the Varsity. Similarly I will continue work- Proposer:
ing with Guildford Borough Council, maintaining Surrey's involvement in Catherine 'CJ' Johnstone
Millennium Sports. I will also work with the Surrey Sports Development Sports Exec, Ex Netball Social Sec, Final Year
Unit, which aims to promote a coordinated approach to the development of Psychology
Sport across Surrey. This will help Surrey sport make the most of the serv- Seconder:
ices available within the county set-up. Jon 'Fart-Pants' Fairhurst
Equestrian Club Chairman
Money Guarantors:
The money available for sport at university has fallen in recent years whilst
Rebecca 'Bow' Jackson
the costs our clubs face will doubtless rise. I wish to build on existing con-
Ski Club Tour Manager, Ex Course Rep
tracts and sponsorship, to work on creating new links, showing how both
companies and Surrey sport can benefit through increased exposure for Dan Howe
them and sponsorship for us. Sports Bursary Holder, GB status yachtsman,Ex
Sailing Team Captain, Ex 1st Team Captain Men's
Sabbatical Hockey, Ex Course Rep - Retail Mgt.
When electing a VP - Sports I would ask you to bear in mind that you are Taz Rajwani
not just electing an individual to be responsible for sport. You are electing Final Year IHTM, Course Rep
a Vice President of the Union who is jointly responsible for the running of Bernadette 'Bernie' Robinson
the entire Union. If you vote for me you can be certain that you are electing Final Year Nurse, Captain Ladies Rugby
someone who will do everything he can to ensure that this Union is run for
the benefit of all its members. The role of a sabbatical goes well beyond
that of the position he or she is elected to do. I am committed equally to DON’T BE A MUPPET
Surrey Sport and our Union and will ensure that both go from strength to
strength over the next year. Vote Dave “Beaker” Civil

Denise Goodwin [1] VP Sports

And now for something completely different….
Hi, I'm Denise and I am a final year Applied
Psychology/Sociology (APS) student. I am currently a member
of the women's football team, and if I can stop getting injured I
may also get a game in with the Women's badminton team!!!
For the moment I am probably best recognised as 'that poor girl
trying to get around our rather hilly campus on crutches', or even
'that stupid girl who can't stay away from the union on those
crutches'. But believe it or not I can't wait to get my leg back and
hit the sports again. I have a strong passion for sport, and over
the years have partaken in a wide range of activities. I believe
sport to be an important part of my life, and with the devotion
and determination that I have, I believe I would make a fantas-
tic sports officer. I'm a very approachable person, and as many
people know (as they are probably trying to get away from me)
I'll talk and listen to anyone. I believe that if I can get students
involved in sport at Surrey the way I have, that I can help them
enjoy their time spent at university that little bit more.
Come on… get involved… Sport for all!
There is no point going to university (except for the qualifica-
tions of course) if you are not going to get the most out of it, and
although sport isn't everyone's cup of tea, those students who
are even slightly interested should be encouraged - with the
opportunity to do the sports that they want. Currently at Surrey
there is a whole range of sporting activities students can get
involved in, from the clubs such as football or athletics, to aero-
bics or the fitness suite within UniSport. There is something for
all tastes and abilities, and students should never be made to
feel that they are not 'sporty' enough to take part in any of these
activities. Along with working with the sports clubs, I plan to be
more forward and forceful when it comes to departmental
sports, in an attempt to make it fun and much more accessible
to all within the university. Currently within some departments
there is a lack of interest, which is a shame as not only can par-
taking be enjoyable, but also it may just be that de-stressor that
people need.
If you would like to talk to me
about any of these issues,
chances are you will find me
in the union on all main
nights. Failing that feel free
to stop me around campus -
for the moment you can't
miss me, I'm the dodgy
blonde hopping around (or
falling down!) on crutches.
Proposer: Hannah Saunders
(Women's Football Captain)
Seconder: Rachel Hawkins
(Women's Football Captain)
Guarantor: Matt Jackson
(AKA Kempy… Men's 1st
team Hockey Captain)
Guarantor: Nuala
McGettigan
(A lass and a half!!)
Guarantor: Darrell Thomas
(Chairmen Men's Football)
Guarantor: Tanya Davis
(Women's football, cracking
defender!!)
Sacred Wednesdays…
Wednesday afternoons for sport is a countrywide recognition.
Not only is it a time when many BUSA matches take place, but
it is also a time when many other clubs have a chance to get
together because no students should be in lectures… Or so we
are led to believe!!! Over the years departments have managed
to get away with slipping in the odd sneaky lecture or seminar
during this time. I believe that students should not be put into
the position where they have to choose, but have the opportu-
nity to do both!!! This is something I feel very strongly about
and am prepared to approach any department who schedule
lectures past one o clock on a Wednesday afternoon on behalf
of any student who is made to choose!!!
Investing back into the future…
Sport within Surrey is growing, and we now have country wide
recognition achievements through clubs like squash, golf and
trampolining. With this in mind I would encourage clubs to
spend the money they have to invest back into their sport - mak-
ing them bigger and better for the future. Here at Surrey
University we are lucky to have some of the best sporting facil-
ities around, and as they say 'things can only get better'. Not
only will I represent current students, but also encourage the
new freshers in 2001 to get involved in sport. This means that
clubs should have new members to 'pass the baton' onto when
present students leave. Along with this I plan to raise the pro-
file and image of Surrey sport within the local community, with
the hope of increase both sponsorship and coaching interests.
And finally…
I really want to stress the fact that as sports officer I would be
there for you the students, and will therefore aim to represent
everyone to the best of my ability. Not only do I see myself as
an asset to the daily running of current clubs, but I also want to
be there for students and clubs when they have any problems
(such as sporting injuries!). Overall my plan is to invest in
Surrey sport not just for the now, but for the future!!!
15/02/01
Lucy Andrews
Hi, I’m Lucy Andrews, this year’s Vice President
Societies and Culture and I wish to attend the NUS
Conference 2001 as a Surrey Delegate. I have
worked this year on NUS Campaigns such as the
National March for Education and ‘Modernising the
Movement’ for the integration of international and
postgraduate students.
The key themes of this year’s conference - educa-
tion funding, welfare, active unions and student
rights are all of great importance and I want to be
there to see them argued out in true NUS fashion!
So, go on, let me go to sunny (?) Blackpool and
partake in student politics...and a few pints along
the way!
Proposer: Ben McCauley
Seconder: Susie Westwell
Fiona Wareham
Having worked as USSU President for over six
months now I have been really involved with NUS
both on a regional and National level. NUS
Conference is the biggest political event in the stu-
dent calendar and I feel that my year as President
would not be complete without taking the repre-
sentation of Surrey students to the next level at
this national forum. Furthermore I have a great
desire to be part of the decision making regarding
how NUS should be run, who it should be run by
and which areas of student needs it should be
campaigning for in the future.
Proposer: Susie ‘Q’ Westwell
Seconder: Lucy Andrews
NUS Delegates
Luke Mackenzie
Hi, Lukeyboy here and I'm asking for your vote so
that I can attend the NUS conference and repre-
sent you. I have a number of issues with NUS
regarding the overall structure of the organisation
and would like the opportunity to ask questions of
the important people within NUS. Send me on this
conference and I'll make sure to ask questions.
Vote [1] Luke Mackenzie for NUS Delegate.
Proposer: Ben McCauley
Seconder: Fiona Wareham
Susie Westwell
Susie Westwell Vote [1] NUS Delegate
As current VP Education and Welfare I am heavily
involved in dealing with and representing all stu-
dents within the university and I feel that I have the
mindset and the experience to represent Surrey
Students fairly and strongly on a national level.
Having been an active student at Surrey myself
and a dedicated sabbatical, I have a great under-
standing of the variety of views and needs of stu-
dents at surrey and intend to take every one of
these views with me to NUS Conference teh
nationwide student policy is set which will have
implications for every student at Surrey so vote [1]
for Susie Westwell and know that your voice will
be heard.
Propser: Lucy Andrews
Seconder: Fiona Wareham
17
NUS Referendum
For
Many people ask when a referendum on NUS affilia-
tion occurs 'What do I get out of NUS?'
The answer is more than you think, by Surrey dis-
affiliating from NUS not only will you lose that little
yellow logo in the corner of your Campus Card which
get you all those student discounts in such places as
HMV, Topshop/Topman, Specsavers, McDonalds,
Knickerbox, Original Levis and online with Microsoft
but Surrey will lose its national voice in a forum
where it is important to be heard.
If you look at the recent record of NUS achieve-
ments it shows what students have gained from them
(www.nusonline.co.uk). Just last week the lobbying
by NUS of the Government against top up fees has
paid dividends with a commitment to finally rule out
top-up fees if it wins the next general election. Which
at some Universities may have made final course
costs somewhere around the £30,000 region.
NUS have recently launched a new website hosted
with ITM. Student members with NUS Cards can
register for free e-mail and webspace and be kept in
touch and share in the interests and events at their
union. Students can get hold of student-friendly prod-
ucts and services at special discounts by ordering on
the site. ITM also host the Union site
(www.ussu.co.uk) and pay the Union £4000 per year
for the privilege.
Being a member of the NUS means we can also
use NUSSL, the purchasing arm of NUS. This
enables us to buy in beer cheaper than your local
corner shop. Consultation and help from NUSSL
was one of the factors that helped USSU lower the
beer prices at the start of this term.
NUS also provides legal support to Unions and its
members, training opportunities and the ability for
Unions to work together on issues.
Last referendum, students here at UniS voted 98%
in favour of staying with NUS. I hope that again we
will do the same (if only to keep that little yellow logo
on the corner of our cards, which makes it so much
easier to get into your mates students' union). VOTE
YES TO NUS!
Against
NUS membership fees are not cheap. This year we
are paying over £30,000 to be affiliated to them. In
previous years we would get measurable discounts.
The alcoholic drinks could be bought in at a cheaper
price, but now the Union could go out and negotiate
its own deals, getting in the products we WANT, not
the products we are TOLD to get. We make 'retro's'
on the products we sell - at the end of the year we
are given money back depending on sales.
Everybody realises how popular bottled products
(e.g. Smirnoff Ice) have become. NUS don't. Our
retro's are all orientated around draught sales. Our
retro's used to cover the subscription, this year it
won't cover half. As a Union we are therefore spend-
ing roughly £15,000 for what? 10% off at HMV and a
quid off at the cinema. Oh yeah, and a nasty border
at the top of the website, which makes it slower load-
ing, and looks bloody ugly!! Can a National Union of
Students really represent those in Guildford Surrey,
when it is concerned with the national scene. NUS
hasn't done well on the top up fees issue, the demo
didn't get any publicity, and was poorly organised.
And even if there is an end to tuition fees, those
Unions not affiliated will also receive the benefit, and
would have saved their subscription fee to spend it
on those who really matter - THEIR students. Are
NUS representative of students? No. Heaven forbid
you may not support a political party, or worse still be
a Tory voter. Not all University's are in the north. As
for us down south - sorry mate, we drive Ferrari's, we
drink Campari's, we where are Armarni's over here.
18 Ents Planner 15/02/01
 15/02/01 Music Reviews 19

Music News
The winners of this years NME Carling
awards (known as the Brats) have been
announced this week. Taking place in
Shoreditch, London, artists and celebrities
alike were there in full to see who had won
the awards voted for by the public. There
were no real surprises and Coldplay came
away with the most awards with best new-
comers, best single and best radio 1 evening
session. The awards were trouble free with
the only controversy coming from Chris
Martin of Coldplay by saying Craig David
had "cauliflower hair" and throughout the
rest of the night apologised for the joke. The
It has been announced that artists such as
U2 and Badly Drawn Boy have been
approached to write the theme tune to ITV's
version of 'Match of The Day'. Reports state
that around 20 bands have been
approached to write a song for the show
which begin on ITV at the beginning of next
season. AN ITV spokesperson has said that
they "want to make our new programmes as
distinctive as possible". The decision of who
will write the theme tune once the current
season has ended.
Billie Pipers stalker has been found guilty Billie, still in one piece

main winners were as follows:
Best Pop Act: All Saints
Best Hip Hop/ Rap Act: Eminem
Best Rock Act: U2
Best Dance Act: Fatboy Slim
Best New Artist: Coldplay
Best Artist: Radiohead
Best Single: Coldplay, Yellow
Best Album: Primal Scream, Xtrmntr
Godlike genius award: U2
this week. Juliet Peters of London was
found guilty on five accounts for threatening
to kill Billie and for four similar threats to her
mother and father. The court with held sen-
tencing until Peters has received psychiatric
assessment and the results have been
obtained by the courts. The calls began
when Peters said that the young popstar
gave her a "dirty look" during a TV perform-
ance.
Robbie Williams has played new songs at a
low key charity gig on February 8th. The gig,
at the Equinox night club in London was per-
formed in front an estimated 1000 people.
During his set, which included many of his
hits, Robbie announced he was going to play
a new song called 'Women' which according
to himself he "knows very little about."
Robbie was also joined by close friend Geri
Halliwell who came onstage to give him a
kiss.
And finally this week comes the shocking
news that Michael Bolton and Pamela
Anderson have got it together apparently
during a tequila drinking contest in the
Bahamas. I know alcohol does strange
things for people but this cannot be true.
Can it?
Simon Robinson

SEMISONIC - Chemistry (MCA)

Singles
DIDO - Here With Me (Arista)
The superb sampling of album cut ‘Thank
You’ by Eminem on ‘Stan’ provided the
launch pad for Dido’s career. ‘Here with me’
will provide further success when it is
released on the 12th February. Both tracks
feature on Dido’s superb debut album, No
Angel, currently number 1 in the UK album
chart. The single is a more than credible
record that will doubtless improve her
already strong position in the pop market.
The sound is sultry and refined with just the
right level of production - definitely recom-
mended, as is the album itself. 8/10 A.R.
Semisonic return from their hugely success-
Single of the Week
ful album ‘feeling strangely fine’ with ‘chem-
istry’. The track is typical of Semisonic with
a bit more electric guitar work. This is a
catchy tune that will be popular as it just
FUN LOVIN CRIMINALS –
Loco (EMI)
grows on you with every listen. 8/10 N.M.
The kings of cool are back.
Everyone’s favourite New
SOULWAX - Conversation Intercom
Yorkers have done it again!
(Pias)
This deliciously irresistible
Continuing from their distortion heavy previ-
beat, combining old soul, jazz
ous indierock single, ‘Too Many DJs’,
and laid back blues guitars is
Soulwax’s latest offering is another catchy,
the first decent song to make
crunchy, mix of rough and ready synths, gui-
the charts since the new
tars, and shattered drums. Their strongest
year… 9/10 J.H.
track to date, this should see them hitting the
heady heights of, ooh, 26 in the charts. 8/10
rock n’ roll guitars and ingenious lyrics. If over-melancholic, sad, pessimistic songs
EVERCLEAR – AM Radio (Capitol) Sixties pop and nineties rock?… that will be that seem to make the rainy weather even
Everclear. 8/10 O.C more miserable than it is are to your liking,
By far the catchiest single on the latest ever-
please go ahead and buy this. You are in for
clever release, this song uses traditional
TURIN BRAKES – The Door (Source) a treat! 6/10 O.C

the previous three albums, laid back jazz

Album of the Week and funk sounds mixed with a dash of hash

ARAB STRAP – The Thin Red Thread (Chemikal Underground)

Glasgow’s favourite depressives are back
with their latest studio album, and it’s always
nice to see that Aidan Moffat hasn’t cheered
up any, although on this album his does
actually talk about actually having sex. The
slow, gentle, laid back mood is as sombre
as ever. The harmonies and range instru-
mentation used have improved. An album to
put on, sit down and think to. Not for use in
parties! 8/10 O.H.
FUN LOVIN CRIMINALS – Loco (EMI)
Yep, they are back with their sssssmm-
moootttthhhhhhh grooves those funky old
Criminals. Loco is very much the same as
but then again what more can you expect
from them. Huey is again wallowing in the
depths of drugs and alcohol which may sug-
gest why they find themselves in that beer
advert, but oh well. So if you looking for the
same thing with a touch of instrumentation
then this is it but if not don’t bother. 7/10
K.M.
CREED – Human Clay
Whoever said that now famous line “Grunge
is dead” after the death of a certain depres-
sive from Seattle obviously forgot to tell this
4 piece (Well, they’re three now but they
were four when they recorded this album!),
either that or they just didn’t listen! Grunge is
not dead, it is very much alive and Creed are
Albums
living proof. Their first album was a breath of
fresh air through the rock world, but this
album sounds all the same again. Mr.
Cobain and co. managed to make every-
thing they did sound fresh, but this album
doesn’t sound as fresh to me. Oh, and he
still sounds too much like Eddie Vedder.
6/10 O.H.
This weeks reviewers: Oliver Chamero,
Nigel Martin, Alex Read, Owen Hazelby,
James Hemmingway, Nigel Martin

Why Oh Ki?
Ki @ USSU, 11th February

Ki are a local band who probably have a regular slot at
some local pub where their blend of instantly forget-
table indie bollocks and generally tragic covers please
the local crowd.
Ki are not designed for playing a stage as big as
USSU, Ki are unlikely to ever play one again. It’s not
that they lack talent per se. The singer is a good look-
ing female with a capable, if somewhat low voice, and
her band are aware of how to play in the style of
Sleeper-by-numbers (if it’s possible to be more formu-
laic than Sleeper in the first place).
They don’t look like rockstars and they don’t feel like
rockstars, you’re unlikely to find them riding around in
the back of a van for months trying to crack a deal. No,
Ki will probably go home, polish their instruments and
continue working in the library or attending an account-
ancy course. The best moment, a fair cover of
‘Ladykiller’ by Lush – if only for that Britpop nostalgia
trip.
20
Dr Russ
Dear Russ
Can you tell me about the
written tests which I know
some employers use at
selection centres?
Dear Tariq
There are a number of tests
which employers use which
involve writing. They are usu -
ally designed to measure a
range of qualities besides sim-
ply the ability to write clear and
effective English.
The first one which I'll describe
requires that you respond to a
letter of complaint from, say, a
colleague or a customer.
Although the detailed circum-
stances will vary in each case,
there are some general guide -
lines which might help you.
Make sure you convince the
recipient that you have under -
stood their problem. Consider
whether an apology is required
or whether an explanation
would suffice instead. Avoid
responding aggressively; try
Ever fancy being a teacher but weren’t sure you would like it...?
Teachers, everyone has some-
thing to say about them,
underpaid, undervalued and
overworked! So why do peo-
ple ever want to be teachers?
Quite possibly because teach-
ing is rewarding and means
that you can make a difference
to the educational develop -
ment of young people.
Teaching doesn't just mean
standing at the front of a class
with a blackboard. Far from it,
it's more likely to be hands on,
working with small groups or
individuals in the classroom.
There's lots of variety and you
can guarantee that no two
days will ever be the same -
not to mention the great vari -
ety of students you'll get to
work with and being able to
teach subject areas you enjoy!
Convinced? Well it is now
easier for trainee teachers to
survive since the introduction
of the £6,000 trainee salary.
But once you've done your
degree or postgraduate
course, do you really want to
put yourself through more
study and financial hardship
to do a PGCE only to finish
AGM’s
Christian
Christian Union
Union
Thurs 15th Feb - 6.30pm
Library Restaurant
Korean
Korean Society
Society
Friday 16th February
7pm TB18
Orthodox
Orthodox Society
Society
Saturday 24th February
12.30 Lady Chapel - Cathedral
instead to be both polite and
tactful.
Another test involves
analysing a mass of complicat-
ed written material before pre-
senting a reasonable solution
to the problems which it con-
tains. There aren't necessarily
any right or wrong answers.
The assessors are simply
interested in knowing whether
you have understood the
issues and whether your pro-
posals are well thought out.
Whilst the written part of this
exercise can be minimal, it is
important to make sure that
your recommendations are
lucidly and logically presented.
One of the most popular tests
is known as the in-tray exer-
cise. You are asked to play the
role of a personnel manager
who has returned from holiday
to find a pile of papers waiting
to be dealt with. Your task is
to separate the urgent from the
non-urgent and the important
from the unimportant. The key
to doing well in this test is to
realising it wasn't for you and
have wasted a whole year
doing it?
The Educational Liaison
Centre offers a student tutor -
ing scheme aimed at
University of Surrey students
who are considering a career
in teaching or those who want
to gain experience of working
with young people. We have
links with local primary
schools through to sixth forms
and aim to place you in a
school environment that you
feel comfortable in, which
should be possible given the
wealth of state and independ -
ent, mixed and single sex
schools within the Guildford
area. Equally, you can teach
your subject discipline or if you
prefer a more general subject
such as literacy, learning sup -
port or sport - the choice is
yours!
The great thing about the
scheme is that it will give you
a real taste of what it is like to
be a teacher. Don't worry,
training will be provided
beforehand and you won't be
left alone at any time with stu -
Windband
Windband AGM
AGM
Monday 26th February
8pm AP4
EGM’s
LGB
LGB
Thursday 15th February
Lawsoc
Lawsoc
Friday 23rd February 4pm in
HRB
skim all of the papers quickly
at first. It is tempting to try to
read everything, including the
cleverly placed 30 page report
which would take up the whole
of the time allocated to the test
if you fell into the trap of read -
ing it! After your initial skim-
ming, attempt an early prioriti -
sation of papers. Some are
obviously important - like the
memo from the managing
dents without another teacher
present! We're not expecting
subject experts, more good
communicators and of course
having enthusiasm and liking
young people helps! It is only
for ten hours and if at the end
you realise teaching isn't for
you, then fine, better to know
now than later! If you do enjoy
teaching, then even better -
it's great experience to put on
your PGCE application!
Whatever your interests, par-
ticipating in the student tutor-
ing scheme is a great volun-
tary opportunity to put on your
CV - and your travel expenses
will be reimbursed so it will
cost you nothing to do! You
can gain a student tutoring
certificate and accumulate
your hours towards Millennium
Volunteers accreditation!
So, for ten hours of your time
think of the benefits to yourself
and the young people you
work with! It's a great
Vanessa Good
NOTICES
International
International Societies
Societies
Standing
Standing
Monday 19th February
5pm Grant Mitchell Room
Societies
Societies Standing
Standing
Committee
Committee
Monday 26th February
6pm LTE
Student
Student Council
Council
Tuesday 27th February
1pm
director requesting a review of
safety procedures following
the recent fire. Take a look at
your watch and see how much
time you have for a more
detailed look at the material.
This could lead to some
changes in your priorities. The
written summary of your rec-
ommendations is likely to be
brief, but should nevertheless
be clear, logical and concise.
Money Matters
These observations may be
worth thinking about.
The Student Advice and
Information Service talks to many
students who are experiencing
money problems and we have
come to the following conclusion:-
Students who smoke, or have a
mobile phone or who run a car
appear to be the ones who fre-
quently have difficulty 'balancing
the books'. Anyone who
attempts to do all these things at
one time is in danger of disap-
pearing completely under the rude
letters from the bank!!
So - some thoughts which may
help to save some precious cash!
Smoking - Have you ever worked
out how much you spend a year
on this?
If you smoke 10 a day - 70 a week
- 3640 a year - at £4 for a packet
of 20 this costs £728 a year. If
you were to reduce your number
to 8 a day this would save you
£145 a year - worth thinking
about?
Mobile phone - is every call really
necessary?
It might be an idea to look at other
Fancy
Fancy aa free
free lunch?
lunch?
The University's Educational
Liaison Centre are offering stu-
dents the opportunity of having
a free buffet lunch next
Wednesday (21st February)
between 1pm and 2pm. We are
currently undertaking a
European research project and
would appreciate opinions on 2
student work experience book-
lets that are currently in draft
form.
All you have to do during this
15/02/01
You must take care to leave
enough time to write your sum-
mary. The assessors won't be
able to guess what you intend -
ed to write after you'd found
you'd run out of time!
Russ Clark
Careers Service
deals on the market
to find a better one
for you - Companies
are competing fierce-
ly for customers and
changing their offers all the time.
Would 'pay as you go' be a good
option for you?
Car - don't forget the health bene-
fits of walking!
Is your insurance due to be
renewed? Try ringing around to
different insurers, the company
that was cheapest last year is not
necessarily the cheapest now.
Student Advice and Information
Service (SAIS)
Wey Flat 2, Surrey Court
Telephone 01483 879261
E-mail
student-advice@surrey.ac.uk
time is to read the booklets and
then tell us what you think
about them!
If you are interested in knowing
more, please contact Rodney
Bates by e-mail (R.Bates@sur-
rey.ac.uk) or phone ext. 3177.
barefacts
barefacts
Are looking for writers so if you
are interested please contact
barefacts@ussu.co.uk
15/02/01
Big Sister
Boa & Asp are back, and slithering
ourselves into all sorts of positions!
So Phantom Flinger, have you
worked it out yet?? I think the battle
commences!! Who will win, who
knows? The flan fight is definately
curdling.
Have you noticed how many lass-
es came back single after the Xmas
break?
Brace yourselves lads you're in for a
treat! Don't go taking advantage of
their fragile emotional state though -
unless, of course that's what they
want......
Hey Mr. DJ, put a record on, I
Caught on Camera
If
If you
you have
have any
any photos
photos you
you would
would like
like to
then
then please pop into the office or send us an email to
please pop into the office or send us an email to
barefacts@surrey.ac.uk
barefacts@surrey.ac.uk
This Week’s Personals
*To the little one, have you got the
other NG to clean your bed yet? L
U, M U xxx
*By Jove, I need Dairy Lea on
toast!!
*"Piper says Rich took a bit of per-
suasion!!"
*Woody!! Who was that HAIRY
LADY you pulled? And was it really
a lady?? Next time keep the noises
down!
*gorgeous Mia please give me
another chance let me make it up to
you I miss you so much bk
*Vicky and Nicola you odd pair. Stop
experimenting on men. love from
last FNO experiment no. 1.
*To the 2 girls in the pink pjamas
getting down to iton Wednesday
night - when do us boys get a
replay?????
*To answer my annonymous fan:-
Who? : I am Funkyberry!
wanna dance with my baby.....or
maybe a one night stand could be
the answer! A theory currently being
tested by certain smokers we
believe!
To the dancing girl; funky as you
may think you are, is all that bad
mouthing really necessary? Though
we suppose green eyes would suit
your bright pink dress sense, your
spiky hair doesn't make you all that.
The infamous BB deserves a men-
tion again..... Not many to go now
until there are none left girl. Keep it
up and you're going to have to pay a
visit to the pet shop for your next
to see
see in
in bf,
bf,
- What? : A Funkyberry is kinda like
a Ribena berry, but more bouncy!
- Why? : Random is cool!
*Wannabe cradle robbed? Call
Maria.
*Jamie-thanks for the great advice,
perhaps there's a job for you at
nightline?
Don't worry, no-one knows about
Saturday..
*Use the wooden thing in your're
hands Dunky-its called a bat.
*Please stop putting my number in
barefacts - Andy 'huge schlong' H -
53138
*SW1, what was it you can do with
four pencils? x
*Will the real Alfie please stand up,
and be proud to make himself
known on the USSU Bullitin Board -
Your Princess is awating
*Jonny fartpants already has a wife
and a mistress, surely he doesn't
Reef Interview
load of ingredients!
And a complaint from the ginge
from last week, if you are going to
play the game, you wear the shame!
Who is that walking around campus
with a chunk of hair missing? Is this
a new trend we should be following?
Well it makes a change from the mul-
let.
Valentines has been and gone, but
its still not to late to send us a card
telling us of your goss! Keep it com-
ing on;
gorgeous_babe69@hotmail.com
Have fun, Boa & Asp
needa slapper stalking him as well?!
*phil has culture
*nilani, hope you had a good birth-
day (ginger)
*wouldn't it be great to be a first
year again?
*To my Big Beefy Mamma, we love
you as much as a toilet loves its
brush! x
*A big 'Friends' stylee "How U
Doin?" to Retail Richard (a man
who's a pro with his golf balls) from
a 'Dallas' fan. P.s. Be my Valentine?
*Dr Spock, you still haven’t told us
what you’ve been up to
* Will anybody be my valentine???
* LukeyMac - just because your
learning to be a DJ doesn’t mean
the ladeez will like you more!
* Chef - Tread Lightly, you’ve been
warned
21
LIFE AFTER
THE
WOMB
by Rich W
Perhaps you all may expecting a Valentine’s special? Alas,
no...just the usual pile of ramblings of the vagrant variety I’m
afraid.
I’m quite intrigued at the moment - does anyone actually read
this? Is there a single person living in this small part of urban civ-
ilization we like to call ‘campus’ that reads Barefacts cover to
cover and realises just how little actually goes on? Is there a
jester of the high court who, once finished entertaining the royalty
he is employed to, well, entertain that sits himself down and
digests the weekly offering we procure in his direction? Does that
man (who frankly no-one has ever seen and therefore isn’t quite
sure if he exists or not) the vice-chancellor peruse his own univer-
sity’s student publication and sit back in his probably very comfy
chair, more probably than not at the top of senate house looking
out at a very good view from the window, with a sense of satisfac-
tion relating to the quality of the paper you now hold in your
hands? Do our lecturers, the very people who instil knowledge
and wisdom in the little cavities between our ears known as
‘brains’, wonder just what all the fuss is about with regard to that
fabulous paper they keep hearing about and hence read it for
hours instead of marking exam papers and such-like? I’m not
sure about you, but I have a sneaking suspicion the answer may
well be a resounding ‘no’.
Obviously some people read it, but I reckon it can’t be that many.
Really, though, it doesn’t bother me - it means I can write what I
like (within reason) and know that I’ll never have a large group of
people running after me with vicious looking implements hoping
to use them to some sort of effect on various parts of my body. I
figure the trick is, though, that if I am going to offend some group
of people (which is never the intention - more a bi-product of my
thought processes) then I should aim the antagonisms at soci-
eties who wouldn’t do anything about it. For example, if there
was a Pacifists Society, I could say what I liked about them
because every member would be a pacifist and therefore rebuke
violence and not beat me up. Same as if there was a Slow-
Runner’s Club - again, I’d have the freedom to say what I liked
because I know they’d never be able to catch me. Or maybe the
little crèche thing that runs out of the union: I could say anything
about the kids in there because I’m fairly confident that if it came
to having a fight with a six-year old, I’d probably win. In the end -
I have freedom close to that of Nelson Mandella, which I think is
great (apart from when the lovely editor chappy cuts out bits that
he deems as too offensive - but then the man knows what he’s on
about: he plays frisbee).
So why do I tell you all this? Well, I thought I’d just mention it - it
has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I can’t think of any-
thing else to write; I mean, I do have ideas, it’s just I wanted to
co-ordinate some sort of response thingy to get an idea who
exactly has a read of my weekly offering. Maybe someone could
send in an idea for a column - you know, something that’s always
bothered them and that they would like to get off their chest.
Maybe someone could slag me off for a bit and everyone can
throw metaphorical eggs and rotten vegetables in my direction.
Maybe everyone can just continue in the same, student-like, apa-
thetic type vain and not actually care...all just suggestions.
Maybe I can try and sneak in my e-mail address (ma81rw@sur-
rey...) in the hope that people will send me random words and
messages and keep my fingers crossed to make sure the afore-
mentioned editor (or any of his willing sidekicks) doesn’t notice
that I’ve included it.
But as it is, I’ll just ramble on for a bit longer: along with my really
bad boxer-short/socks/general underwear collection problem,
there’s one thing I’d like everyone to know - I have really rubbish
stubble. I know it’s not the type of thing to be bothered about, but
it kind of bugs me a little, because, say I wanted to do the whole
rugged kind of ‘yeh-I’m-a-cowboy-and-I-fall-off-my-horse-only-
every-once-in-a-while’ thing, then I couldn’t - someone would just
look at my pithy little gathering of very short, barely noticeable
spiky bits on my chin and laugh...it really isn’t fair. Some friends
of mine have like a five o’clock shadow by three in the afternoon
and therefore, if they really wanted to, could grow a beard at the
drop of a hat - I’m not jealous, just, well, aggrieved.
No, I am jealous - it’s not fair: why couldn’t I have the good-stub-
ble gene? I blame my parents. Well, not my mum - I don’t think
she has a stubble gene - so I blame my dad. Why did he have to
be so un-hairy - couldn’t he have shag-piles of thick, curly hair
pouring over top of his shirt and a back resembling a gorilla’s just
so I can have good stubble? Damn, he was so selfish. I’m not
happy. So unhappy, in fact, I’m going to stop- nothing like a sud-
den end.
22 CDDC & UniSport 15/02/01

GU2
GU2 1350am. It’s coming. At last!

On Saturday 27th January, 450
University of Surrey students made
their way down the red carpet into the
5* Park Lane Hotel for the 34th Charity
Dinner Dance.
In the presence of the Vice Chancellor
and his wife, the guests were treated
like stars. A champagne reception
accompanied by a string quartet wel-
comed all to the prestigious event, but
the Top Table (which included the
charity representatives and other dis-
tinguished guests) entering the ball-
room to 'Eye of the Tiger' made sure
that humour and having a good time
were also part of the evening.
Great food and wine was followed by a
welcome speech by the Chairman,
David Sharman, who highlighted that
the importance of the evening was to
raise as much money as possible for
the two charities - Cherry Trees and
The National Meningitis Trust. A very
touching speech by Rosemary Webb
whose daughter attends Cherry Tress,
a home proving respite care for handi-
capped children, received a standing
ovation and highlighted how easy it is
to forget how fortunate we are.
tastic demonstrated by the fact that
the large dance floor was a continuous
jive of party animals!".
The Dinner Dance Committee are still
counting up the money and paying the
bills, but in good time it will be
announced how much money has been
raised for charity.
Photographs of the Charity Dinner
Dance
Pictures taken by Chris Conner
Not many of you will know, but your uni-
versity has it’s own radio station. For 30
years, GCR has been broadcasting music,
news, reviews as well as keeping you up to
date with all ents and events. The station did,
however, suffer a fair bit over this time, and
now, thanks to many people, and much
money, is about to undergo the biggest re-
vamp in its history.
GU2 (that’s our postcode, get it?) will be
opening with its first live transmission on
Monday 26th February and will be kicking out
as far as possible across the horizon. That’s
right, you won’t have to be on campus to
tune in to this student radio station. And with
talent such as Gareth Davies and The J-
Team who needs who needs an excuse to
listen? Check out barefacts next week for a
full schedule and DJ profiles.
The station, however, does not yet boast a
full house. Anyone wishing to be part of the
biggest thing on campus this century (and
last – there you go Lucy!) should email get-
involvedbutitsabitlate@gu2.co.uk.
The rest of you should tune it to 1350am at
9am on the 26th February for a taste of the
action. The launch week is going to be BIG
with a possible mystery celebrity coming
along to open GU2.
J.Mental

The Grand Prize Raffle made a num-

ber of people very happy, particularly
AJ who won a 7 night stay in Bermuda
which put a grin on his face that no
one could remove! Dancing and drink-
ing then kicked in with the ice sculp-
tured vodka luge proving a particular
hit. One adventurous chap did well to
consume 7 shots, his four course meal
soon reappeared, but not to be out-
classed by the 5ft ice beast he contin-
ued to indulge in a further 2 shots!

David Sharman commented "the night

was a great success, particularly the
band and DJ which were simply fan-

New Opportunities…Add 5pm in the Teaching Block

Spice to your Life! Register in advance at the Sports
Centre or Union FREE!
New 5 week courses start week
beginning 19th February Social Sports

Beginners & continuing golfers
Thursdays 6.30 – 7.30
Body Max(learn to work out with
light weights under the supervision
of professional teachers in small
classes)
Mondays 7 – 8pm
Thursdays 12 – 1pm & 1pm – 2pm
Classes are still ongoing until the
end of term and due to its popular-
ity there are additional Step
Classes at 6.30 – 7.30 on
Tuesdays & Fridays.
Get a Life Workshop
Register for this 2 hour workshop,
which includes healthy eating,
relaxation techniques, exercise
and general advice.
Wednesday 28th February 3 –
Check out the results and fixtures
on the new designed web page:
www.unisport.co.uk
UniSPORT Lottery
There are only a couple of weeks
left until the 1st draw will be made
at OCRAM on Wednesday 28th
February.
We need your support and for just
£1a month you can have a chance
of winning £150.
Application forms at UniSPORT
receptions.
Be init to winit!
Latino Evening
Tickets are now available at the
sport Centre Reception for latest
Latino evening on Friday 23rd
February from 7pm.
Students £6 inc. meal, tequila shot
and lesson.
 15/02/01 Surrey Pride 23

Canoe Club - Dart Trip

Last weekend saw the first of the
Canoe Clubs ventures for 2001.
We started Friday night with the
members meeting outside the
Union. Once the minibus was
loaded with the luggage and
Gemma’s supply of Cigarettes, we
were off on the four and half hour
trip to Dartmore. On the way Phil
offered a wager of ten pounds that
Gemma was going to “try it on” with
one of the blokes during the trip,
which caused a few laughs along
the way.
We eventually arrived with
Kayaks in tow at the Bunkhouse
just before Midnight with everyone
having to wake up from the journey
so they could unpack their stuff
and have a drink before settling in
for a good night’s sleep.
The Sunday was an early enough
start, so much for the good night’s
sleep, but the day did start with a
full English Breakfast. For those
vegetarians among us (Claire and
Cathey), there was the option of
veggie burgers, made of genetical-
ly modified Soya, they look like
meat, they smell like meat, but they
taste like shit.
As a result of the lack of rain,
despite all the chanting (rain sum-
moning?) coming from Fraggle’s
room during the night, we decided
that the Dart loop was going to be
a disappointment due to low river
levels, so we traveled to the West
coast. The mini bus found it hard
work against the gradient of all the
hills. This might have been some-
thing to do with its lawnmower
engine, the trailer and canoes it
was towing, the eight people in the
bus or maybe Gemmas supply of
fags. Never the less, due to Andy’s
skillful first gear clutch control and
driving we still made it in one piece
and once parked on the beach.
The group fell into two distinct cat-
egories, those who were changed
and running down towards the ice
cold sea, and those still huddled in
the bus, or more easily distin-
guished, Boys and Girls (I’m going
to regret that one!)
Soon everyone was down and in
the sea and every one managed to
catch several waves. The waves
themselves were anything up to 10
foot and were seeming to be good
sport for those who could handle it!
The sea was absolutely freezing, it
didn’t seem too bad however fin-
gers quickly felt the cold, and soon
turned the same colour as a pair of
penguin’s gonads.
After being in the Sea for around
four hours we decided to call it a
day and made our way back to the
bunkhouse, giving us a opportunity
to get warm and then go down to
the Pub for a meal and a couple of
Drinks... O.K. more than a cou-
ple… O.K. a lot more than a cou-
ple, alright I confess eleven pints,
then we headed back to the
Bunkhouse to finish the evening off
by playing a good game called
‘Two Fingers.’ For those who are
uneducated it’s a drinking game,
for those of you who are educated,
could you please tell me the rules
before the next canoe trip! (This
first years a sucker)
I think one thing to remember
from all this, is when everyone else
is playing with fosters, don’t join in
with a bottle of whisky, and the rule
‘left hand drinking’ means use your
‘Left hand’ well that all went to shit!
No pun intended. The last thing I
remember is finishing the bottle
and standing up, and the rest is a
blank, total amnesia, don’t remem-
ber a thing, nothing at all!
Can’t actually comment on what
happened, I was half in a comma!
But I would like to take this oppor-
tunity to apologise to all of the
members on that trip, for anything
that might or could have hap-
pened. They say that saying sorry
is admitting liability don’t they?
Special thanks go to Phil, Ian, and
Gemma, who apparently checked
that I didn’t die during the night.
I’m sure nothing too bad could
have happened? Amusing thing
was waking up the next morning
and asking ‘who made all that
mess?’ The reply being ‘You did.’
Oh Shit!
Well after clearing up the mess,
and having an incredibly unsettled
stomach, we headed off for the
Dart, luckily our plans had paid off
and it had rained during the night
so the conditions had improved.
Apparantly the rain wasn’t the only
thing that fell that night, as Fraggle
rolled out of the top bunk, I’m sure
it won’t effect him that much as by
now I think he’s used
to being dropped on
his head. Initially I
intended to stay and
sleep in the bus while
the others went and
froze their arses off,
but then it dawned on
me I had come on the
‘Dart Trip’ and I was
going to go home with
out having paddled on
it, so donning my wet
suit, we all set off with
most of the group
telling me stories
about the night before,
but we won’t go into
that.
The Dart was low but
this made it entertain-
ing as you had the added bonus of that you hadn’t drunk as much the
having to look out for the odd Rock night before, and pray before you
or Bolder. We saw Gemma and smashed into the water at the bot-
Phill meeting a soggy end on the tom. Then, after floating back to
way down and Cathey managed to the surface in the kayak, getting a
find herself swimming before we mouthful of air to cry ‘lets do it
had even started, but we weren’t again!!!’
going to let this dampen our spirits! Despite other interesting distrac-
Even if our name was Phil and we tions such as waves, rapids and
had to swim three times! falls, we managed to all make it to
On the way down there is a mud the end.
slide were the bottom bolder of the We packed all the stuff up and
shoot is situated eight foot off the started to make our way home, not
water and you simply slide down a lot happened on the way back, all
the hill in the boat and fly out over I can say though is Jim, I thing that
the river. During the point were you owe Phil ten quid! (You
you’re flying through the air, you Naughty Boy, and you thought no
have just long enough for your life one noticed)
to flash past your eyes, wish that
you had been a better person, wish Tom W

Mens
F’ball red
carded
4th Team Begin Title Assault”
February has been a really great
month for the 4’s; three games
played and only two defeats. This
week saw the historic derby
against bitter local rivals Guildford
City. Decades of geographic, polit-
ical and religious differences has
seen this fixture escalate in the
fans eye’s to something akin to a
mini-war. To many people in
Surrey, you are labelled as a per-
son either ‘City’ or ‘Uni’, so there
was a real sense of determination
in the dressing room at least.
We started with exactly the
same team as last week except
There were only two negative
incidents to report. Early in the
second half, Mark Gibson was
deservedly booked for a foul that
brought back memories of the
Hollyoaks gay rape scene. Andy
Bray then followed him into the
book for dissent and in a stroke of
pure genius gave Gibson’s name
and was duly red-carded. He
seems to be turning into a bit of an
enigma. Late last week, sent off
this week! Still, every great team
has that special player capable of
turning a game in a moment.
The remaining ten battled on
bravely and at times were almost

for four
changes. Ross Wehr, Savio, Andy
Bray & Andy Solley all returning
from the wilderness that is not
playing 4th team footy. A cunning
Baldrick’esque plan enabled us to
lure the opposition into thinking
that we were shite, however the
stats clearly show how we domi-
nated at least 5% of the posses-
sion and had numerous shots not
on goal.
not really crap. Ross Wehr nar-
rowly won the man of the match
award by 99.7% despite display-
ing the worrying tendency to play
football well.
All in all, a superb team per-
formance and a great result.
Final score : UniS 0 - Guildford
City 5
Jez Hill
Sporting Vernacular
I nearly drowned myself and have
ruined my board last weekend
during the first Surf Club trip this
year. For all the gruesome details
and more see next weeks issue.
Wednesday 31st looks like being
the Colours Ball launch party and
Sports Day. Keep an eye on BF
and the website (www.ussu.co.uk
then Colours Ball) for all the
details and don’t forget to clear 4th
May of all commitments and keep
it clear.
Thumbs up to Mens Football
who have given us a report on a
match despite getting a kicking.
Thats the attitude I like!
Cheers also to Trampolinig,
Canoe Club, Womens Waterpolo
and Skiing.
Chops
 SURREY PRIDE
T RAMPOLINING T EAMS T RIUMPH
BUSA Trampolining- Regional
Competition.
ing in before the
competition.
Unfortunately
At Saturday lunchtime, following a Emski bounced
regular heavy session at the twice before
Union, the Surrey University managing to
Trampoline Club piled into the cripple herself!!
worst minibus the Uni owns and Not too good
headed off without a map. Four the day before
miles down the road and no-one the comp.
knows where we are going, so we Anyway after
had to head back to campus to get training we
a map from Caroline Bambinis car decided to all go
for some quality directions. Then to pig out in
off we flew to Bath and managed to Pizza Hut. But
get there in record time with not too much as
Caroline’s amazing driving skills. we wanted to fit The
But when we arrived at Bath her into our leotards
amazing skills still couldn’t get us a the next day! We then all went
space to park. So after driving for back to our cosy dorm and got a lit-
an hour we then managed to find a tle sleep. Well the people who
space. could sleep through Ian’s terrible
Saturday night we all trundled off snoring!
to Bath Uni to get some extra train- The day of the comp and nerves
were running
high and for our
Novice competi-
tors it was their
first competition.
Our first com-
petitor was
Anna Spanner
and she did a
fab routine but
just had trouble
getting on and
off the trampo-
line. All the
novices jumped
excellently and
C&A (in the air) today Scatty Nat did 2
SKI T EAM START WELL...
Saturday saw a very select few round the pole
“special skiers” from the Surrey Ski they missed (or
Team enter into the 3rd round of collided with!).
the Kings Ski Club championships. Having named
The journey to Wycombe Summit our dolly Irene,
dry ski slope was dogged by hor- the social secre-
rendous weather conditions, and tary decided he
upon arriving we all sat around in would go down
the bar and played with the blow- with her. So
up rubber doll, and inflatable much to the
breasts that we had acquired - amusement of
(perhaps I should have explained all around, he
earlier, that the theme was “Vicars stuffed Irene
and Tarts”). down his
The break in the rain drew the trousers, and
race officials out to setup the set off down the Irene
course. This allowed us to clip our course. We won
skis on, and venture out on to the that race, but the pressure was
lovely, white, textured.... dendex obviously too much for Irene - and
matting. Racers sporting new she deflated. With spirits high we
bright yellow haircuts meant the went into the next race, and lost it.
team was quite easy to locate on With spirits not quite as high as last
the slope, and Caroline got rather a time, we went into the next race,
lot of attention with her new boob and lost that one to.
job. A break down in communication
The way the racing works, is by (i.e. half the team not paying atten-
having 2 sets of slalom poles and 5 tion) meant that we almost missed
members in the team. The teams our next race. With 30 seconds to
are set off by relay starts, and the go, and half the team still not real-
two main rules are 1) you must ising, I took drastic action and
cross the line with at least 1 ski on, raised my voice. “What University
and 2) if you miss a pole, you have do we go to?” rang out over all the
to run back and do it again. This other competitors, who then pro-
gives rise to great spectator view- ceeded to laugh at us. Feeling not
ing when both sides wipe out, and quite as spiritied as the last race,
both are trying to recover skis and we proceeded to loose this one to.
scramble back up the slope to go After the prize giving we headed
SPORTS P ROFILE :
L ADIES WATERPOLO
Warm up…
Name & age: Heather Hudson
Nickname: Heth, Double H
Best feature: My back shot
What you look for in a man or women: Good looks and good per-
sonality (but they never come together)
Availability: Young, free and single
Bouncing Bunch 110%… Yorkshire lass
fab routines and qualified for the
finals. Also Kate did really well and Favourite position (this question applies to relevent sports only – no
missed qualifying by 1 place. innuendo intended honestly): Underwater.
Unfortunately our 2 sexy interme-
diate ladies Curly and Coach Best thing about your sport: Being constantly wet
Cathy did fab routines, but landed
on then bums at the end of them. Worst thing about your sport: Always having to shave.
Our Advanced ladies all did
extremely well and Action Fanny, Best single moment in your sporting life: Swimming for Great
Innocent Jo and Emski all sailed Britain/ Semi Finals of BUSA for Water Polo
through, qualifying for the finals,
and winning the ladies team. Also Ultimate sporting dream: To win BUSA this year
the advanced men; Ian, Ally and
Tart (also known as Andy!) all qual- Worst injury: A black eye from Raffy, our captain
ified and also won the team. Well
Done to everyone who competed Sporting idol: Mark Foster
and Good Luck for the Finals in
Cardiff. Most embarassing sporting moment: Not realising my race was a
And a big thanks to Action Fanny false start until I had finished on my own
and Scatty Nat for their wonderful
renditions of Billie, S Club 7 and Tip: If you go to training in your costume remember to take some knick-
Britney. We love a bit of Cheese. ers for afterwards
AC Hidden aspects to
your sport: Ripped
swimming costumes
Cool down…
Worst fear: Losing to
the men’s team
Chancellors or Roots:
Chancellors
You in three words:
Small, bubbly; mad
and her ski team
off to High Wycombe to eat.
Passing a Chancellors, and a
Roots, we decided on the Peeking
Something-or-other. Still wearing
the blonde wig, a bald waiter
couldn’t resist making comments
about it. Chris then proceeded to
eat everything apart from: what
other people were eating, what he
spilled on the table, and the plates
themselves.
Overall it was a great day out,
and even though the turn out and
race results were not as good as
usual, a good (and filling for Chris)
time for all was had. For more pho-
tos, and other info about Ski Club,
go to www.surrey-ski.org.uk.
Chris Hunter