The University of Surrey Students’ Union Newspaper

issue 1051 www.ussu.co.uk THURSDAY 20 FEBRUARY 2003 free

A FRESH

Fire scare in AY building

VIEW
Ben Supper
takes a look at
the weekend’s
events and
BY RICHARD WATTS
asks what that
says about the
FIRE CREWS WERE called to the AY academic
population at buliding on campus on Tuesday afternoon
the moment | of last week following concerns that some
page 6 chemicals might have been leaked.
Students and staff alike had been reporting
CONGESTION CHARG- a “funny smell” to department officials for
ING FOCUS the majority of the morning and, in the in-
Following the terests of safety, a member of the chemistry
launch of Mayor department - located within the AY building
Livingstone’s - decided to call the emergency services.
scheme, Philip Upon their arrival, fire officers assessed
Howard writes a the dangers presented by the fumes, located
there origins and decided that all was in fact
haiku to explain how
safe. They applauded the department, how-
it is all supposed to work | ever, for taking the necessary precautions to
page 7 ensure that there were no casualties or more
dangerous consequences from the day.
This evacuation follows another that oc-
IN THIS WEEK’S PAPER curred last week in the same department.
Similar reports of “funny smells” were the
Pop Ya Cherry worried reasons cited for that particular evacuation, Above: a fire engine outside the AZ academic building and (below) staff and students minutes after they
though the fire services were not called to were evacuated. The cause for concern later turned out to be a false alarm. Pictures: Rich Watts
Following the circulation of rumours at the
Drink last week, the (un)popular night is investigate further.
obviously worried News | page 2 Following the incident, members of Estates
& Buildings, the Security Office and mem-
Breaking news
Letters to the editor bers of the chemistry department’s safety AS OF WEDNESDAY afternoon, Battersea
Following last week’s letter concerning staff continued to check the buliding for any Court’s water supply has been out of ac-
USSU safety. several replies deal with the further problems relating to the incident. tion after traces of the Legionella virus was
criticisms | pages 5 & 6 It is not known at this time if there were found. As a result there will be no hot water
any further issues found. Unfortunately, supply until Friday once the system has been
The USSU elections barefacts has not been able to contact the flushed. This outbreak is not unsimilar to
A focus on the upcoming elections and chemistry department’s safety officer, Mr that in Chancellor’s two years ago. More in
what the electorate can expect over the next Vic Zettell, to comment on the incident. barefacts next week.
two weeks Elections | pages 8 & 9

barearts in diversity shocker

An interview with The D4. Also, standy-by
tickets for the Lion King musical in London
and theatre previews barearts | page 17
Life after the womb
It’s a repeat, but the new lifestyle for Snow
White shows its head once again to delight
your souls... Lifestyle | page 21
Women’s waterpolo success
A report from the team’s recent victory
against Swansea plus a report on the bas-
ketball team’s season Sport | page 24
Safety incident at underpass
Concerns once again following yet another incident
ON WEDNESDAY OF last week, a female
student was walking through the Southway
underpass at when a male person indecently
exposed himself to her. The incident, which
occurred at around 10am, is the latest in a
long string of problems associated with the
walk towards the Varsity Centre and Tescos
and has called once again for action to be
Photo: Chris Hunter
taken by Guildford Borough Council.
Following similar incidents towards
the end of last semester, when attempts
to grab students’ possessions and other,
similar indecent exposures took place, the
police claimed they were going to locate
an officer on the walk-way. According to
many reports, no such action was taken.
Following the latest incident last Wednesday,
the police are understood to be carrying out
investigations.
Reacting to the news, Toni Borneo, Vice
President Education & Welfare sabbatical
of USSU, said: “As this isn’t a question
of lighting or students using the subway
at night, I see no other option but to lobby
the Council for a bridge over the A3.” She
went on to say: “This is not just a question of
students being vulnerable in the dark: the last
incident was at half past ten in the morning.
It’s just a horrible, enclosed route.”
Many suggestions have been offered
concerning what can be done, the most
optimistic of which is a footbridge over the A3
towards Tescos. Though the Council might
not greet such plans with great enthusiasm,
Ms Borneo feels it is perhaps time to contact
the local MP, Sue Doughty, concerning
these issues. The ideal opportunity to do
this would be at the “surgery” Mrs Doughty
is planning to hold at the Students’ Union
on Friday 28th February, between 5-7pm.
(If you would like to see Mrs Doughty,
please contact barefacts@ussu.co.uk).
The male involved in the latest incident is
described as 30 years of age, short black
hair, pale complexion, slim build and around
5 feet 11 inches tall. He was wearing a dark
green coat and blue jeans.
barefacts@ussu.co.uk
2 NEWS
I was there during last Saturday whilst history was being made
Firstly, I feel I need to admit a slight
amount of cheating on my behalf regarding
Saturdays ‘Stop the war’ march. I never
actually did the whole march, but tagged
on when it reached Piccadilly at about
1pm – which in hindsight was a rather
smart move. Piccadilly Circus at 12:45pm
was almost like a scene from 28 Days
Later, not from lack of people, as there
were hundreds, but purely from a surreal
perspective, a theme that would carry
on throughout the day. Just before 1pm
the march stewards started clearing the
roads of spectators as the two tentacles
(one from Gower Street, the other from
Embankment) made their way to the
circus. As the head of the march swept
past us, I saw the unmistakable features of
Tariq Ali clutching his CND banner, and
with the dexterity required to join
2002 - 2003
editor in chief | richard watts [comms@ussu.co.uk]
editor
sarah butterworth [mu91sb@surrey.ac.uk]
deputy editor
position vacant
news editor
philip howard [ph02ph@surrey.ac.uk]
music editors
alex read [cs01ar@surrey.ac.uk
simon robinson [ps91sr@surrey.ac.uk]
theatre editor
rachael bemrose [sc92rb@surrey.ac.uk]
If you would like to write for barefacts, then please get in touch: barefacts@ussu.co.uk
photo: Laurence Hellier
PIPER TODD
the A3 from the Dennis Roundabout, we
slipped into the body of the procession. The
strangest thing about the whole affair was
the noise, or lack of it, for over a million
people, it was very quiet. A short shuffle
later and we were up at the front in Hyde
park. Looking forward to four hours of
speeches a few of our fellow marchers
settled down to olives and Marks &
Spencer sandwiches.
As one may have predicted, there was a
fair amount of “No war on Iraq”, “What
about Palestine”, “The USA have weapons
of Mass Destruction too” prompting much
cheering from the crowd. The real skill
however, was demonstrated by seasoned
campaigners of old. George Galloway,
film editors
stewart fudge [cs81sf@surrey.ac.uk]
jolyon hunter [cs91jh@surrey.ac.uk]
photography editor
chris hunter [funkyberry@hotmail.com]
literature editor
chris ward [cs21cw@surrey.ac.uk]
sports editor
eddison ruswa [ce21er@surrey.ac.uk]
lifestyle editor
morgan gooch [ph02mg@surrey.ac.uk]
20 February 2003
Set your alight
BY LAURENCE HELLYER For more information on FUSE, please
contact Andy Blair (a.blair@surrey.ac.uk)
On Tuesday of last week, approximately
60 students filled LTB for the first meeting
of FUSE (Federal University of Surrey
Entrepreneurs). Over a couple of hours
students enjoyed entertaining videos and
learning that the University has potentially
£300k to investing in “the next big thing”.
The meeting was well structured and
informative, encouraging everyone to
develop any ideas they had and helping to
form new ones. With so much at stake many
people look set attend the next meeting
(look out for details in barefacts) to make
contacts, learn key skills and receive plenty
of encouragement.
Bob Crowe, and Tony Woodley managed
to put their arguments across without
resorting to catchphrase after catchphrase
and stirred genuine emotions in the crowd.
The real size of the demonstration was not
felt however, until Tony Benn appeared on
stage. At that moment, for the first time
that afternoon you knew, and heard, you
were in the company of a million people.
He could have just stood up and recited
the Teddy Bears picnic and received the
same response. The last ‘Oh My Goooood’
moment of the day was reserved for after
the rally, as we were leaving Hyde Park,
Piccadilly was still crammed with marchers
still making their way to the park, five
hours after the procession had begun. It
was at that point I knew history had been
made, and I was quite glad I had been a
part of it.
barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper and is
published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union
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20 February 2003
Surrey gains popularity in applicants A more universal challenge for all
IN STATISTICS THAT had many new universities
receiving fewer UCAS applications over
last year, Surrey has improved with a 14%
rise. In a mass shift in the distribution
of applications, the THES declared that
“Students are steering clear of some new
universities”. The move does not appear
to be directly towards the elite institutions,
however, with Cambridge and Oxford at
+6.6% and +5.8% respectively, around 15
places behind Surrey’s position as 17th
highest rise or the 140 institutions. The
most prominent Russell group member
was Manchester, which saw a 21.8% rise
in applications, perhaps to the detriment
of UMIST, whose applications dropped by
9.9%.
The VC of Middlesex University (and
incoming chair of the coalition of Modern
Universities) Mike Driscoll attributed the
change to students’ perceptions: “There’s a
perception that, over-all, it’s not difficult to
get into university. In circumstances
“Healthy” competi-
tion generates
underhand tactics
LOCAL NIGHTSPOT ‘THE Drink’ appears to
be worried about the competition from the
Students’ Union. Several reports were made
on Monday night of the DJ announcing
to the ‘crowd’ at poop ya cherry that
apparently the Union was closed due to lack
of customers. Wishful thinking Mr Cherry.
Sparkle’s all inclusive £9 deal continues
next Monday, or of course you could pay a
fiver to go to a ‘Taffic Light Disco’.
NOTICES
Monday 3rd March - Sports Standing
Committee - 6pm - LTF
Monday 3rd March - Boat Club AGM -
6.30pm Union Committee Room
Societies Standing Committee 24th
February 6pm LTF
International Societies Standing Committee
24th February 7pm LTF
Student Council 25th February 1pm LTM
Islamic society EGM (voting new
president) 26th February 6pm LTL
Christian Union AGM 6th March 7.30pm
Wates House, Tree Tops Cafe
NEWS
BY PHILIP HOWARD
NEWS EDITOR
like these, people will chance their arms in
applying for places that maybe they have got
a marginal chance of getting into.”
Higher National Diplomas are taking a hit,
with applications down 23.4% – foundation
degrees received 1,250 applications, the
area that the government is expecting to
gain the remaining students to make its 50%
target. £15,000 top-up fees talk was blamed
by the THES for Imperial’s 3.6% dip, and
Natfhe, the lecturers’ union, attributed
the shift towards traditional universities
to poorer students being deterred by large
fees. These are the most likely to apply for
new universities, and Tom Wilson (head
of the universities department) said “The
government raised the spectre of a far
more expensive education – it shouldn’t be
surprised if access is the first casualty”.
www.funkyberry.com
3
BY PHILIP HOWARD
NEWS EDITOR
THAT BASTION OF student intellect, complete
with the nation’s favourite politician grinder
Jeremy Paxman, that we know as University
Challenge is being given a series of less
traditional programmes in which the team
members will be of various professions;
University Challenge: The Professionals.
According to The Times, the teams will
include “nurses, auctioneers, naval officers,
vets, scientists, trade unionists, journalists,
and MPs”. The sticking point, apparently, is
the MPs. It seems that MPs are somewhat Challenge,” said Paxman. “There you’ve
reluctant to face Mr Paxman and appearing got to know a fact an got to be very quick
dim on national television. “I think they’re too. Maybe some are worried about looking
quite happy to come on Newsnight where a bit daft.” The Times thinks that “Fumbling
they can express forceful opinions, but it’s a over questions on molecular physics or the
bit different appearing on University music of Janacek could cost them votes”.
Leeds Students’ Union bans The Sun
BY PHILIP HOWARD basic human right of asylum in general”,
NEWS EDITOR which was carried by 121 votes to 111 at
the AGM. Leila Deen was one of those in
LEEDS STUDENTS’ UNION has banned the
sale of The Sun in its shops – currently
favour: “I do believe in freedom of press
and information, but the boycott is symbolic
amounting to 3000 copies a month – for a of how we feel The Sun is treating asylum
month, or until the paper drops its “racist seekers. The Sun’s reaction was that they are
campaign”. The motion was: “The Sun not against “those who genuinely deserve
newspaper is now carrying out a vicious help”. The Union’s spokesperson said “It’s
campaign against asylum seekers and the already out of all of our shops. People have
been angry and saying it restricts people’s
freedom but others have been genuinely
offended by The Sun’s coverage.” A question
for barefacts readers, perhaps, is whether or
not USSU’s members have any opinion, and
whether any action should be taken.
4 OPINION 20 February 2003

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

Letters must be received by 5pm on the Monday before publication to guarantee their presence in the next newspaper. Letters
may be edited for length or clarity | E-mail: barefacts@ussu.co.uk

THE UNIVERSITY OF SURREY STUDENTS’ UNION

UNION HOUSE
UNIVERSITY OF SURREY
GUILDFORD GU2 7XH Dear barefacts, incidents were to happen in town. The
WWW.USSU.CO.UK doorstaff there would probably have no
I write in response to a letter printed last issues with physically throwing out a
week entitled: “USSU safety staff are customer and then calling the police to deal

The issues of safety concerning has ‘Neanderthals’”. In it the writer outlined

one incident in particular and then went on
with any repercussions when the customer
took issue. At USSU at the most likely

been ignored long enough

How many times does something have to
happen before anyone will actually sit up
and take notice? If something is not done
about the subways underneath the A3, then
there will be a serious incident, the con-
sequences of which do not bear thinking
about.
So far this year there have already been
three relatively serious incidents of which
to speak. This follows on from numerous
incidents barefacts can recall over the last
four or five years. The procedure following
such incidents has always been the same: the
security office issue details of the event and
ask all female members of the university to
be careful; the police issue a statement
concerning the appearance of the assailant
and promise that they will look into things;
students are advised by the Union to carry
personal alarms. These are all very honour-
able intentions but enough is enough - this
routine has got to stop.
Adequate provision for the safe transition
for anyone walking in that direction must
be introduced; the local council cannot keep
turning a blind eye when requests are put to
them about lighting and the possibility of a
bridge over the A3; if they continue to do so,
they will suffer serious repurcussions along
with the person that finally has to endure a
serious attack.
barefacts supports any petition/campaign/
lobby to generate awareness of this issue
and will look into these recent incidents and
how they have been dealt with in order to let
the local authorities know just how danger-
ous walking alone at night can be.
Something needs to be done.
to subsequently brand most of safety staff
firstly as ‘Neanderthals’, then ‘brainless
incompetent meatheads’ and finally, ‘oafs’.
Written attacks of this nature are in poor
taste and lend no strength to an argument;
especially when the writer chooses to hide
behind an anonymous moniker such as
“Twyford Resident”.
Safety staff carry out a thankless task in
much the same vein as cleaners; people only
notice when it doesn’t happen. The role of
safety staff is to ensure that the Union is a
safe environment for everyone, members
and working staff. Week in - week out they
have to deal with the kind of abuse that only
really occurs when people are too drunk.
On the rare occasion I chair a disciplinary
hearing following an incident the people I
see are calm, passive and, most of the time,
regretful of their actions.
Consider, for a minute if one of these
Dear barefacts,
outcome is that the doorstaff will talk calmly
with a customer for some time and then call
Senate Security to escort them off campus or
back to their room.
To request students to “report all incidents
of security being out of line” is a noble
statement but these reports should be
directed in the appropriate direction, i.e. to
the President, rather than slating members
of staff in this publication. I will listen
to any complaint with the seriousness it
deserves and take action as necessary. The
management is currently undertaking a
review of safety practices and provision to
ensure that USSU continues to offer a safe
environment for both working staff and
student members to enjoy.
Yours,
PAUL WRIGHT
PRESIDENT, USSU
right to feel safe inside “their” union.
Union safety and security are there to

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

We would like to respond to the letter make your time in the Union the safest and
printed in the previous edition of barefacts best time possible, poeple brawling on the
which served to show the union security in a dance floor is unacceptable. Whilst most
“Politics is war without bloodshed while war is politics with bloodshed.” bad light with no thanks for what they do. of security are fairly big blokes neither of
MAO TSE-TUNG (1893 - 1976), LEADER AND POLITICIAN Both of us “work” regulary in the Union us have ever seen them use excessive force
providing First Aid (St Johns Ambulance) - sometime they defend themselves when
and all the pretty flashy lights and loud they are attacked but it is always “resonable”
music via stage crew. In our opinion the force in both of our opinions.
Houston: we have a possible solution Union Security do a fantastic job. Due to
having to remain teetotal in the Union whilst
The “Neanderthals” who work security
are, if you treat them with respect, actually
working we both get to see the Union and very nice guys who care about your safety
AS BRITAIN WAS ringing in religion or political
the New Year, Tony Blair PAUL CANNING standpoint, the desire to
its punters in a light many people probably and are willing to help when problems arise.
don’t - Whilst the majority of the union’s Often they help the first aiders in moving
cheered us all up by making expand our understanding punters remain socialable creatures, on heavy (and excessively drunk) people.
a speech stating that he “It was not an act of God of the universe and our
- rather a tragic accident many a night we see various incidents in Anyway we both thought that the attack on
could not remember a time position within in it is which a small proportion of the Union’s Union security was unjustified
when Britain faced so many that couldn’t have come at a something that unites us all. punters cause problems for the rest. and one sided so we both put pen to paper (or
difficult challenges. What worse time.” It is fortunate that NASA This includes anti-social behaviour towards fingers to keyboards) to give our viewpoint.
with the ongoing Iraq crisis, will continue with the space staff and punters. Neither Stage Crew nor St
nuclear sabre rattling from North Korea, the program once they have completed their Johns get paid for what they do - why should Yours sincerly
continued terrorist threat from Bin laden and investigation into the Columbia disaster, we put up with abuse from somebody who’s EMILY TATLOW & LAURENCE HELLYER
friends, not to mention the general economic and that the construction of the international had too much to drink? Everybody has the ST JOHN’S AMBULANCE
malaise, it seemed that 2003 was not going space station, which currently involves
to be the best of years. Indeed, things have some 16 nations, will continue. It would
not started well; right now the UN family be a fascinating experiment if we could
of nations seems as dysfunctional as the send the UN Security Council plus assorted Dear barefacts, this is not a matter for ridicule, and should
Simpsons. international mal-contents up in a shuttle, be reported on to reflect this…”.
It seems that we have all forgotten how to to orbit the earth a few times, gazing down I am writing in response to my fan mail in I stand by these words, and believe the
get along with each other, squabbling and at the big blue sphere for an hour or two. I last week’s edition. I would like to clarify article was indeed shameful. What would be
disputes are rife not just amongst traditional would hope that they would appreciate then the purpose of my letter, in which there was the response to this article in Iraq? Would
enemies, but amongst traditional allies like just how petty some of their squabbles are evidently much interest. Many members the Iraqi people, the fate of whom these two
the French and the Americans. when you look at the grand scheme of things. of our society were shocked to read this men are deciding, find it as amusing?
What made things worse for this cold climate Despite what Abu Hamza (the Muslim cleric gravely important issue written about in I appreciate the article was written in ‘Rag
of international relations was the Columbia with the hook) would have you think, the such a derisive manner, especially on the Week’, where the tradition is to make a joke
space shuttle disaster last month. It is now Columbia disaster was not an act of god, very front page. I truly believe there are of current news stories, however there were
believed that the destruction of Columbia rather a tragic accident that couldn’t have news stories, which can be satirised or made more appropriate news stories to be mocked
during re-entry was caused by a puncture really come at a worse time. We can only fun of; and there are those, which cannot. on the front page. This clearly shows a lack
that allowed hot air into the left wing. The hope that America’s inevitable war in the To quote from my letter: of understanding of the passions this issue
exploration of space, the fascination with Middle East does not ‘accidentally’ trigger “The fate of humanity may be in the hands of raises in people, regardless of Rag Week.
this truly great unknown seems to be about a nuclear war. Then we really will have a these two men [George W. Bush and Saddam
the only thing that we can all agree on at problem. Hussein]. Certainly, millions of lives would Yours sincerely,
the moment. Irrespective of nationality, barefacts@ussu.co.uk be at risk if war happens in Iraq. Therefore, MICHAEL CHAMBERS
20 February 2003
Condemnations of USSU safety staff rebuffed by supervisor
In a letter to barefacts, A.J. Roberts highlights
a few matters concerning USSU safety following
last week’s critical letter
I am writing in response to the letter “USSU
safety staff are Neanderthals” by Twyford
Resident in Issue 1050. In the past I have
always believed it better not to respond to
criticisms of Safety / Security in the Union.
I feel that after this letter, however, the view
of the other party should be heard.
In the letter it was claimed that on the
previous FNO “two people were forcibly
removed without reason, allowed to pay to
get back in and then forcibly removed again
without given a refund”. Firstly I would like
to ask the author how he knows that the
two people were removed without reason?
Secondly, having spoken to the Safety staff
working on the night (no, I wasn’t working
in the Union, I was working elsewhere), as
is always the case, all people refused entry
and removed from the Union were done so
for a genuine reason. It is true that the two
people were allowed to pay again and were
then removed again. It is not, however, a
spiteful act as the letter suggested. The two
people in question ran around the outside
of the Union, having been removed via the
Harris Bar fire exit, and paid to get in before
the Safety staff dealing with the incident had
got through the busy Union to the front door.
They were evicted again due to the obvious
fact that out for the night means out for the
night! They were not given a refund as it is
the Union policy not to issue refunds on the
night of the event.
“The content and
tone of the let-
ter suggested that
Saftey are only
there for physical
confrontation. I do
not believe this to
be true.”
The letter went on to state that “the most
worrying thing about accounts like this is
their frequency: reports of security at this
union being unnecessarily heavy-handed,
unfair or just plain stupid are far too
common, its almost as though behaviour like
this is adopted as a matter of policy”. With
reference to the frequency of these accounts,
I ask whether they are those of disgruntled
patrons of the Union gossiping in their
Next week in barefacts: Mike Chambers goes against the party line and argues against a war whilst Philip
Howard decides that last Saturday’s march was evidence enough of people’s political awareness
OPINION
kitchens and lectures or possibly merely
the opinion of one upset member who from
the onset states he has had a problem with
security ever since he arrived 3 years ago.
Either way, accounts and accusations such
as this are not frequently made to the Union
president (so I am led to believe-I get grilled
when a complaint is made!). All people who
say they wish to make a complaint are told
to do so to the president.
The issue of Safety staff being “heavy-
handed” is addressed later.
With regard to Safety staff being “unfair”
and their behaviour “adopted as a matter of
policy”, is it not the case that if your night
is cut short in the Union by Safety staff,
you are bound to feel it is unfair; very few
of our members in this situation are mature
enough to get up in the morning and say
“fair enough, I was breaking the rules”, even
fewer appreciate that the Safety staff were
merely doing their job.
With regards to “adopted as a matter of
policy”, the policy used by Safety staff are
the rules of the Union resulting from the
law, the constitution, maintaining a safe
environment and plain common sense.
Some examples being:
i. Union guest policy. Only 1 guest per
member due to problems caused by guests
last year. Must have photo ID to prove they
are the same person as is signed in and that
they are over 18.
ii. Discrimination (e.g. race, colour, creed,
sexual orientation or HIV status etc.) is NOT
tolerated.
iii. Anyone behaving in such a manner to put
themselves or others at risk will be asked to
stop or asked to leave (this includes people
drinking to the point that Safety staff have to
CARRY them to the Health Centre!)
iv. Assaults on members, guests, staff or
Union property are not tolerated.
If you break the rules, you will be asked to
leave. The reason for which you are asked
to leave may seem unreasonable to you, but
there is a reason behind it with your safety in
mind. You may, for example, find it amusing
to throw your pint over your friend but the
person slipping in the resulting puddle and
injuring themselves would not find it as
amusing!
The letter goes on to say that the student
population are comparatively non-aggressive
with incidents of violence being rare and the
majority of students go to the Union for a
good time. The fact that the author thinks
that acts of violence are rare suggests to me
that Safety are doing something right! Yes,
the majority of students are non-aggressive,
going to the Union for a good time. What
the majority of students do not see is the
violence caused by the (growing) minority.
In the past 12 months or so, I personally
have been punched and kicked more times
than I care to remember, had 4 attempted
bottlings on me, been called upon to help
break up a sword fight (yes, a sword fight!!)
and been in one situation where I was
genuinely lucky not to have been maimed or
even killed all whilst working USSU Safety.
This is not intended to scare you, but just to
make you realise some of the things Safety
routinely deal with quietly and efficiently,
keeping your venue safe for you.
The author goes on to make wild allegations
and take every opportunity to insult USSU
Safety staff, calling them “Neanderthals”,
“oafs”, “brainless incompetent meatheads”,
“bullies” with “tiny minds” who “refuse
to listen to reason”, who “feel the need to
exercise their power liberally and unjustly”.
This childish name-calling does not
justify a response. Calling your fellow
Surrey students “brainless” is not the most
intelligent thing to do, particularly when a
number of them are postgraduates who have
already completed their first degree.
The whole content and tone of the letter
suggests that Safety staff are too heavy-
handed and are only there for physical
confrontation. I honestly do not believe
this to be true. In almost all cases where
it is necessary for a student to be evicted
through force, they have been asked politely
to leave several times and have refused. The
obvious exception to this is violent members
or guests fighting who need to be removed
quickly and cleanly to stop them causing
harm.
The law allows the use of “reasonable
force” by Door and Safety staff. Having
been trained as a Doorman by CID training
staff at Guildford Police, I can tell you the
law allows the use of a considerably larger
amount of force than is EVER used in the
Union. Did you know, for example, that a
Doorman is ALLOWED BY LAW to make
5
a pre-emptive strike (if you are threatened,
hit them before they hit you!). You can rest
assured, however, that these (reasonable
under the law) levels of force are not used
in the Union.
It may seem like 1 person being carried
through the Union by 2 or 3 Safety staff
is heavy-handed but think about it, they
are carrying him – he cannot hurt himself
or anyone else and is not going be hurt in
the process, he is merely being carried!
The same applies to holding someone on
the floor while they calm down and stop
being aggressive. If you see someone being
ushered through the Union in an armlock, it
does not cause harm or pain to them, it only
hurts if they become even more aggressive
and / or try to lash out!
The author finishes by asking all students
to report all incidents of Safety being out
of line. On this point I wholeheartedly
agree. Safety are not above the rules. If
you wish to make a complaint, do so to the
Union President – if you don’t know where
his office is, simply ask at Reception for
directions.
Finally, please do remember that the USSU
Safety staff ARE there with your safety in
mind working in a sometimes dangerous,
always thankless, job, who take large
amounts of abuse from the same people as
they are trying to keep safe (often when they
are not even working) all for (in most cases)
just above the minimum wage!
I would just like to make clear that the
contents of this response are my opinions
and my interpretation of the Union rules
and are not necessarily those of the Students
Union.
Yours sincerely,
A.J. ROBERTS BSC(HONS)EXON MSC
USSU SAFETY SUPERVISOR, HOUSE OFFICER,
BRAINLESS(!?)
6 OPINION
Stupidly clever?
Ben Supper assesses the state of the nation
following Saturday’s march against war
OCCASIONALLY SOMETHING HAPPENS to our
world that forces us not only to examine
it through fresh eyes, but also to examine
ourselves. Last week, we were particularly
privileged: two such events came along
in very quick succession. It was a ripe
opportunity to draw conclusions from
human nature. The first was Valentine’s
Day. However, it would be transparent and
predictable if I spent a thousand words
decrying romantic love. Just read any novel
by Aldous Huxley: he’s already done it
far better than I would dare. I wouldn’t be
so gauche as to suggest that Valentine’s
Day is a cynical commercialisation
of aforementioned romantic love by
greetings card companies. I won’t mention
that that Father’s Day is known to be a
cynical twentieth century concoction by
aforementioned greetings card companies.
I shouldn’t dare to venture that Valentine’s
Day is merely a sick cult of guilt and fear, and
that we are led to believe that if the net flow
of cards between two people is any number
other than zero, heartbreak and ruin will
inevitably follow. I wouldn’t even stoop so
low as to enquire why Guildford town centre
should need four branches of Clinton’s
Sodding Cards. Obviously, Guildford is a
happy town full of blissful people in two-
ton people carriers ferrying their angelic
little children from school to supermarket
to their smiling loved ones at home. They
can afford all the cards they want, and they
have ample time to buy them. Any statement
to the contrary would be only bitter and
foolhardy. The idea that Tracy Emin could
achieve commercial success by marketing
a teddy bear made from barbed wire and
human excrement, as a cruel and ironic
Valentine’s trinket from loved-up couples
to their lonely, single friends, never entered
my head. Instead, I found food for thought
by visiting the anti-war protest in London on
Saturday: a terrific opportunity to sightsee at
a sombre pace, and to wave placards at the
Houses of Parliament. Somewhere between
750,000 and two million people, depending
on which politician you believe, marched
to demonstrate against their collective
responsibility for Iraq’s impending re-
destruction. And, in small letters at the
bottom, we were also campaigning for
Freedom for Palestine. There’s something
immediately suspicious about calling a
country by a name it hasn’t had since 1948.
Isn’t that slightly inflammatory?
“There is no shortage
of people who will
march, simply
because it is a
chance to object to
the government”
If you wanted to protest against Robert
Mugabe’s regime, would you go into
London and wave a banner demanding
‘Freedom for Rhodesia’? And if this is a
demonstration about human rights, why
does nobody mention Mugabe’s regime?
Or the questionable human rights records
of any countries other than Israel, America,
and Iraq? Killing unarmed civilians is
deplorable. Similarly, killing unarmed
civilians is deplorable. Consequently, the
slogan on Socialist Alliance Party banners
saying ‘Victory to the Intifada’ was a little
misjudged at a peace demonstration: the
intifada is an ongoing violent retaliation of
the kind which we had dragged ourselves
into London to try to avoid. So I was
uncomfortable with ‘freedom for Palestine’,
as it implies that Israel is free. It isn’t. It’s a
policed state. Civilians are imprisoned every
day without questioning. They are bombed
mercilessly by terrorists. Dependence upon
American money does not make a country
free; it enslaves it. Since there are now two
generations of Israeli citizens who have no
other homeland, Israel is no less entitled to
freedom than is Palestine. Biblical precedent
suggests that the country should operate a
time-share scheme. Perhaps a whole new
country should be formed. Both sides could
take turns to run it, playing nicely together,
and without resorting to warfare. They
could call it something neutral: vaguely
Jewish; vaguely Palestinian. I suggest
‘Frankenstein’. The Daily Mirror ‘No to
War’ placard also unsettled me owing to
the ‘Daily Mirror’ slogan at the top. If a
newspaper with scant history of intellectual
debate suddenly picks up on a controversial
subject and starts screaming about it, it is
likely that it is a cynical attempt either to
please its owner, or to sell papers, or both.
I didn’t see why I should be advertising a
crappy paper anyway, and glancing around
at signs adjusted with untidy rips or with
brown parcel tape, it seemed that many other
marchers had come to the same conclusion.
Fortunately, there was a huge choice of
placards available, so I went for a less
controversial one, declaring simply ‘Not in
My Name’. Still, this made me feel a little
selfish. I think the slogan is based on the
title of a film. Nevertheless, I would have
felt better, and less conspicuous, if the sign
had said ‘Not In Her Name’, with an arrow
pointing to a random member of the crowd.
Many veteran demonstrators had apparently
expected an Anti-Globalisation March. It
seems that there is no shortage of people
who will march for a cause just because it’s
a chance to object to the government. Now,
Saturday was a cold day, so the hand which
wasn’t waving a placard was jammed in my
coat pocket to keep it attached to my wrist.
And yet, when I got home, I discovered that
my pockets were jammed with Socialist
pamphlets that I had absentmindedly
pocketed throughout the protest. I recall
that none of the dyed-in-the-wool Socialist
leafletters walking around looked like
Swampy or Mark Thomas: this surprised
me. Overwhelmingly, they were men.
But they were men of all ages, with short
hair, nice smiles, and puffy coats: the kind
of nice-looking people who are cast as
child molesters in ‘don’t talk to strangers’
videos at primary school. After we
squeezed through the gates of Hyde Park,
we were standing shoulder to shoulder in
the cold mud as far as the eye could see. A
formidable sight indeed: a gathering twice
the size of Woodstock. At the time, Charles
Kennedy was delivering a speech over the
public address system, using the march to
push the anti-war agenda and to score some
points for the Liberal Democrats. Then we
had two or three backbench speakers, and
I joined Middle England for ten minutes
to feel threatened and vaguely horrified by
the incitement to massive civil disobedience
and revolutionary outrage that they were
spouting. Now that’s not going to make the
poor any richer. I’m told that I’m middle
class. So it’s hardly surprising that I have
a soft spot for Socialism. I like to think we
could find a realistic alternative to the system
we have at the moment. It’s embarrassingly
barbaric. It looks ridiculous when a handful
of undemocratic companies have more
resources and more political influence
than most national governments. Yet,
through most of the last century, a handful
of large-scale experiments demonstrated
that that alternative, as a system, doesn’t
work. Socialism accounts for institutional
tyranny by placing the government in
charge of the means of production. Pretty
early on, somebody must have realised
that the government then becomes a hugely
powerful institution itself which controls
everything, and is just as susceptible to
corruption. Cynicism may be easy, but that
doesn’t mean it can’t hurt.
There’s a school of thought which suggests
that Marx might have had a point somewhere.
But there has always been a dilemma which
confronts Marxist revolutionaries, every
one of whom, on several occasions, will
be presented with two choices. The first
is to continue to fight to the system. The
second, to succeed under the current one.
From the look of those pamphlets, not
many people have managed simultaneously
to forsake a comfortable, quiet life, and to
avoid embitterment. The majority of young
idealists eventually defect. It’s human nature
again. We’re never far away from saying,
‘Oh, sod it. We’re going to war. Let’s
stock up with petrol, buy shares in British
Aerospace, and remember that every
20 February 2003
cloud has a silver lining.’ Ken Livingstone
was laudable in his ability to remain cool,
objective, and jovial when addressing his
audience, who cheered every declamation
from every speaker. He didn’t mention civil
disobedience once, and even responded to
a sarcastic heckler about the congestion
charge: ‘Isn’t it good to walk through
Central London without getting choked by
fumes?’ To the delight of thick protesters
like myself, he also explained what he was
doing there, and why we were there. By this
time I was jumping up and down to stay
warm, and had heard the same half-stories
from three or four charismatic but otherwise
unconvincing activists. Livingstone’s
reassurance, and his besuited respectibility,
cheered me up a little. However, he was
upstaged by Jesse Jackson. What Jesse
Jackson’s speech lacked in substance, it
compensated for in form. Slogans, poetry,
preaching, and persuasion. The man has
mastered large audiences. When you can’t
think of anything to add to what you’ve just
said, say it again. And again. And again.
Until your audience joins in. We turned
as Jesse Jackson finished. It was getting
dark. We were cold, our legs were stiff, but
our spirits really were lighter. The turnout
“
was inconceivably high. We expected the
government to be intimidated, and they
were. The Prime Minister was expecting,
at most, one million people, and there was
a tremble in his voice that evening when he
announced that the protesters may as well
have been cattle for all he cared. Before
this demonstration is buried forever, let’s
get this straight. A government spends
a considerable sum stockpiling enough
weapons to destroy the world several
hundred times over which it has absolutely
no intention of using. Then, to further its
aims abroad, that government incites a
revolution in Afghanistan, suggests that
they grow opium poppies as a convenient
cash crop, puts a fundamentalist regime
in power, funds them, arms them, waits
twenty years, and then bombs them. Twice.
While killing its own citizens who trade
in the crop that they condoned. And then
sends soldiers to Iraq, without mentioning
oil once. And that’s not even half the story.
What a peculiar species we are. Either we’re
very stupid, or just as dangerously, we’ve
become so inscrutably clever as to appear
stupid. Godless as we have become, it is
now obvious that there is a celestial system
of justice that is beyond our control. Sleep
peacefully. If we’re doomed, then we surely
deserve it.
20 February 2003 CONGESTION FOCUS 7

Different fees for different courses: student finance

Philip Howard takes an alternative
view on the new congestion charging
scheme in Central London: quotes,
comment and, erm, haikus all hold
hands together to make sense of the -
oh, apparently there was no madness
Congestion Charging Only on weekdays.
barefacts explains, in haiku Pay by ten, five pounds,
(otherwise boring) Ten pounds, if paid by midnight,
Then it’s penalties...
When enter ‘The Zone’,
Cameras read number plates, For more about rules,
Five pounds now (more later). Try CCLondon.com,
Gain enlightenment.
Charge start at seven,
Half past six it finishes,

Anti-charging Pro-charging Above: the central zone in which the congestion

There is a long line of people who are
against the charge, as can be expected for
a tax. The Federation of Small Businesses
and various motorist groups are among
the names, with action sites like sod-u-
ken.co.uk providing places for the populous
to vent their anger. Some raise the issue of
the charge being insensitive to circumstance
– low paid workers are hit hard, as well as
shift workers whose shifts only either begin
or end in the charging period, and still have
to pay in full. Others take issue with the
exemptions for LPG (Liquid Petroleum
Gas) and electric vehicles, asking whether
this is a congestion charge or a pollution
tax.
charge operates and (below) some images of the day.
On the other side of the fence, of course, photos: courtesy of www.cclondon.com;
sits Ken and a majority of those inside The www.bbc.co.uk and getty images.
Zone. According to wiseupandpay.co.uk, a
pro-charging site, 57% of those inside The
Zone are for charging, along with 39% of
those outside it, which may be due in part
to the 43% of those inside The Zone who
do not have a car, so presumably use the
public transport that will receive the money
from the charge. In exempting electric and
LPG and electric vehicles, and thereby
encouraging their use over petrol and
diesel, Ken has gained the support of many
‘green’ groups.
And so what
actually happened?
According to Ken, 100,000 paid the charge,

“
despite the apparently large numbers who
were to protest. The traffic was down by
some 25%, in part due to the half-term
holiday kicking in, which may have been
There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain one reason Ken was unwilling to postpone
in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things. Because the introduction of the charge in view of
the innovator has for enemies all those who have done well under the old conditions, and the recent problems with the underground.
lukewarm defenders in those who may do well under the new Ken is intending to issue notices to the
MACHIAVELLI, THE PRINCE, 1513 10,000 motorists who didn’t pay; “We’re
not going to allow a few free-loaders to
Life is too short for traffic. ride on the back of hundreds of thousands
DAN BELLACK of law-abiding Londoners,” he said. On
the face of it, the scheme appears to have
MOST PEOPLE WOULD RATHER BE CERTAIN THEY’RE MISERABLE, THAN RISK BEING HAPPY been a wild success story, with none of the
ROBERT ANTHONY predicted problems – even on Sunday Ken
was predicting a major problem. “None
in
The policy of being too cautious is the greatest risk of all.
JAWAHARLAL NEHRU

Nothing is worth doing unless the consequences may be serious.

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.
BEVERLY SILLS
“ of the problems we feared of gridlock on
inner ring roads and the collapse of the
call centres materialised” he said, also
pointing out that most of those who didn’t
pay will have been “chancers”, who hoped
the system would fail to recognise them
or suffer a technical meltdown on the first
day. So rather than the nightmare that
HUH?
WHAT
next week

everyone expected, there was an apparently

smooth ride, with no great anger from
London, and none of the predicted poll-
IS IT
GOOD FOR?
tax-like reaction from the public. For those
who opposed the charge like Steve Norris
and Iain Duncan Smith, I have only pity.
w w w . c c l o n d o n . c o m And laughter. some more views on war with Iraq
 this wk.

“
elections03 an
election are
introduction
next wk. you
the willing
manifesto
election “ to
special run
?
The nominations are in and it is time for the
annual election festivities to begin.
All of the forms have been handed in and the candidates for the sabbatical elections 2002-
2003 have been announced. At this point in time, the candidates will be busy preparing their
campiagns to try and convince the students at the University of Surrey that they can provide
them with the services, support and representation they need.
It can all get a little bemusing, however, for the voter, as they are never quite sure what they
are supposed to be voting for or what is actually going on, so here is a quick run-down of
what the electorate can expect over the next couple of weeks.

postering
First up will be the usual poster-campaigning and the such-like you would normally associ-
ate with elections. This aspect is very much a part of making the electorate aware that the
elections are going on and who is a candidate for which position. Very rarely will you find
that policies of candidates are included in posters, so it is worth bearing in mind that the
person with the prettiest poster isn’t necessarily the best person for the job.

question time
Question time allows the elctorate to pose questions to the candidates so that they can ascer-
tain who they think will be best for the job. Each question is answered by the candidates for
the relevent position and a voter can judge, therefore, on the basis of the answers across the
board. If you have any questions you would like to ask, simply turn up at the times shown
below and fire away. (Note that candidates manifestoes will be available at question time.)
the candidates
barefacts election special The following are the candidates for the sabbatical officers of the University of Surrey
barefacts’ election special contains the manifestoes of each candidate and allows the voter to Students Union. Below are listed the candidates for the position of delegate to the NUS
decide on their preferred candidate based on the policies of the candidates. They will appear conference.
in next week’s edition, along with a look at how the voting system works and with details
on where you can go to cast your vote. There will also be more information about the NUS President
conference delegate positions and the NUS referendum - when the students decide whether Paul Canning
USSU should be a part of the NUS or not. (John) Pete Tivers
Re-open nominations (RON)
voting Vice President Communications & Marketing
Voting week is them time when you actually get to act on the decision you have made. James Whitehurst
barefacts is still to learn of the final, confirmed means of voting, but at this point in time it Sarah Butterworth
looks as though it might be an entirely electronic affair. (More details of this to follow next Re-open nominations (RON)
week.) The barefacts election special will have all the details of where you can go to cast
your vote and have a handy guide to show you how the voting process works. Vice President Education & Welfare
Claire Iles
It’s going to be a busy couple of weeks, but the future of the Union is in the hands of the Luke Jeffries
candidates and it’s up to you to pick who’s who next year at USSU. Re-open nominations (RON)

question time Vice President Societies & Culture

Chris Hunter
7:30pm | Tuesday 25th February | Students’ Union Re-open nominations (RON)

vp sports; vp societies & culture Vice President Sports

David Chapman
Natalie Tarrant
7:30pm | Thursday 27th February | Students’ Union Paul Stack
vp education & welfare; vp comms & marketing; president Re-open nominations (RON)

your chance to ask your question NUS conference: Mark Freedman; Toni Borneo; Simon Tinsley; Maria Nikita; Chris Os-
borne; Emir Vzeirbegovic; Paul Wright; Charlotte Dawson; Ewan Panter; Paul Canning
10 PROFESSIONAL PAGE 20 February 2003

The history of barefacts (continued)

More recollections from the Surrey Alumni
Society’s “Blast from the Past” series
I¹VE DATED THIS undated ancient copy
of Bare Facts somewhere between
4th and 11th May 1968 (detective
work from dates in the text and the
help of a web calendar!). I was at
Battersea campus from 1965 and
1968 and kept this copy because I
was mentioned twice in it - once
in the news that I’d shaved off my
moustache and on the reverse that I
was one of the artists exhibiting in
an infamous Physics Dept art show,
instigated by Prof. Elton.
I don’t know when Bare Facts first
started, but in those days there was
a posh student newspaper called
Surrey Student, which later (14
October 1966) was renamed Surrey
Guardian. These were rather stuffy
BY ALAN (FRED) PIPES
[PHYSICS 1965-68]
typeset tabloid newspapers full of
long polemical diatribes and not
much else. I was one of the arts
correspondents and occasional
cartoonist. This meant I got to see
films at morning press previews in
the West End and attend openings at
art galleries. Great stuff! But because
this was before desktop publishing,
these newspapers were typeset in hot
metal and had very long lead times.
Consequently, there wasn’t much in
the way of “What’s On”.
The way round this was to run
off duplicated foolscap (imperial
size paper, bigger than metric A4)
sheets of info and stuff them inside
the papers - or give them away
elsewhere. This is how Bare Facts
began. In those days there were no
photocopiers, so they used hand-
cranked duplicators - Gestetners or
Roneos - which worked by forcing
ink through wax stencils! The
stencils were produced by typing
(without a ribbon) directly onto
the waxy paper sheets - mistakes
had to be touched out with Tippex-
type stuff; any drawings or stop
press info was drawn directly onto
the stencil using a metal stylus (or
worn-out biro). Later, at Guildford,
the Students Union acquired a
Roneoscan, which produced stencils
by scanning artwork. Progress!

Right: one of the earliest

sopies of barefacts still
around and (left) its old
competition - the Surrey
Student - now sadly gone

This weeks careers & skills talks

Talking your way into a career THE 2ND INTERVIEW
MONDAY 24TH FEBRUARY | 1PM | LT A
One showing only of the video “The Assessment
PRACTICE APTITUDE TEST
WEDNESDAY 26 FEBRUARY* | 2.15PM | LT B
Another opportunity to try your hand at our practice
Centre”. A Careers Adviser will be present to discuss test similar to tests used by many employers to
DISCUSSION GROUPS ARE very in fairly painlessly either any points you would like to raise after viewing the measure your logical thinking.
popular amongst graduate by complimenting someone video.
recruiters. They provide a on a view or an opinion If you would like to register with Careers, please email c.arrowsmith@surrey.ac.uk, or visit in person.
quick and easy way to gain which they’ve expressed or Please keep an eye on your University email and www.surrey.ac.uk/careers for the most up to date information
information about candidates by asking them to clarify
which are relevant to a range something they’ve said. You

COMPETITION[*]
of jobs. Employers would will be given marks for these
be particularly interested contributions because they
in finding out about your are seen as supportive and
self-confidence, clarity
DR RUSS CLARK helpful.
of expression, breadth Thirdly, if you are chairing
and depth of ideas and “As with most aspects of the the discussion you should Perhaps the secret to successful competi-
interpersonal skills from this selection procedure, don’t aim to: introduce the topic; tions is to run them for two weeks - that
type of exercise. panic if you think you’ve set down any guidelines way we are guaranteed to double the
So what are they like? made a mess of it.” such as encouraging only number of people that enter.
Having watched a number of one person to speak at a Anyway, the winner of the £50 of Topman
discussion groups over the time; curtail overbearing vouchers is one [Janne Henrickson] whom
years, the main thing I’ve noticed is that there participants whilst involving those on the we should all give a hearty pat on the back
is no particular format which employers use. fringes of the discussion; and, finally, steer to. If Janne would like to come along and
A chairperson might be appointed or the the group towards a point where you can pick up the prize from the media centre
group left leaderless; a specific topic might make a short summary of the discussion. then we’ll be waiting here with arms open.
be thrown in for discussion or you might Keep your eye on the clock because if you Competitions will resume next week,
be left to develop something yourselves; over-run, you might be penalised. The because barefacts has realised that in order
sometimes you are given a brief beforehand, discussion might even be terminated by to run a competition, you must have a prize.
other times you’re not. the examiners before you’ve had a chance Top.
Whatever form they take there are a number to draw it all together and that would be
of things you can do to improve your disastrous.
performance. First of all, it is essential that However, as with every part of the selection
you say something early on. The longer you procedure, don’t panic if you think you’ve
leave it, the harder it is to get going. Don’t made a mess of it. Candidates are seldom
worry about making a fool of yourself at this rejected on the results of just one exercise.

* why do we bother?
stage, it’s far more important to get used to What’s more, if you stay calm and can
the sound of your own voice. You will gain bounce back for the next test, your positive
in confidence the more you speak. attitude is certain to impress the examiners
Secondly, if you feel shut out of the and will often more than compensate for
discussion at any stage - you can come back previous disappointments.
 MUSIC
a lovingly crafted mu-
sic section gives you
all the reviews for the
week and some live
stuff to boot!
COMPETITION
the winner of the £50
topman voucher an-
nounced (on facing
page - not even bar-
earts shocker!)

And the Oscar for Best Actor goes to...

It’s the most glamorous event of the film year and the one that everyone
wants. Jolyon Hunter takes a look at the line-up for this year’s
Academy Awards and wonders who will walk away with the famous
statuettes this time around
WELL, IT’S THAT time of the year again…. Last
week the nominations for the 75th Annual
Academy Awards were announced and in
little more than a month we’ll be seeing the
full glitz and glamour of Hollywood in all its
designer-clad glory.
For now we’ll just have to make do with the
nominations, and this year’s are certainly a
mixed bunch. Top of the pile is “Chicago”
with a whopping thirteen nominations
– in fact the nominations are in all of the
major categories… oh… except Best Actor
for which Richard Gere has a right to be
suitably pissed off. Don’t worry though;
I’m sure Buddha will help him through the
disappointment. Thirteen nominations for a
stage play conversion ain’t at all bad...
The Best Picture category contains
“Chicago”, “The Hours”, “The Pianist”,
“Gangs of New York” and “The Lord of
the Rings: The Two Towers”. Perhaps
surprisingly, Peter Jackson is overlooked for
a nomination in the Best Director category
for the second “Rings” instalment (six
nominations in total). However, Martin
Scorsese did garner a nomination in this
category for “Gangs of New York” – this
movie grabbed ten nominations in total
including a best Actor nod for Daniel Day-
Lewis. Scorsese has been nominated 6
times now without winning, so odds-on that
this could be his year. Roman Polanksi’s
nomination for “The Pianist” is an interesting
one – especially seeing as if he sets foot on
US soil he goes to jail for 50 years. The LA
District Attorney says they will arrest him if
he attends and the Academy has not made
special arrangements for any satellite feed,
so we could probably rule him out…
The Best Actor category is a tough one
to call this year with the likes of Daniel
Day-Lewis, Jack Nicholson, Nicholas
Cage, Adrien Brody and Blighty’s own
Michael Caine. If the Golden Globe’s are
any indicator, Nicholson could walk away
with another Oscar, (plus he’s an Academy
favourite in a Tom Hanks kinda way) – but
don’t rule out Sir Michael just yet. In the Best
Actress category we see the likes of Julianne
Moore, Nicole Kidman, Salma Hayek,
Diane Lane and Renée Zellweger duke it
out for supremacy – the interesting thing
about Kidman’s performance was the fact
that she wore a prosthetic nose throughout,
which almost emulated her former hubby’s
(Tom Cruise) conk in size and shape. Salma
Hayek’s pet project “Frida” could also be a
dark horse in this year’s running.
Other notable nominations include Best
Supporting Actor for Christopher Walken for
“Catch Me if You Can” and Best Supporting
Actress for Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas-
Hello© (Chicago) and Meryl Streep (The
Hours). We can expect “Chicago” to walk
away with a handful, but maybe the major
categories going to “The Hours” as they did
at the Golden Globes.
Michael Moore’s “Bowling for Columbine”
www.richmondillus.com
Above: Jack Nicholson, who would pick
up his fourth Oscar if he wins Best Actor
for his role in About Schmidt
also got a nomination for Original Screenplay,
but you can probably rest assured Charlton
Heston won’t be cheering for that one (it
may well win in Best Documentary feature
though). In the animated category it’s likely
to be Disney vs Fox in the form of “Lilo and
Stitch” and “Ice Age” respectively.
Whatever the outcomes, the ceremony
should be worth a look even if it’s just
for the acceptance speeches and dodgy
fashion choices. Confirmed performances
by nominees U2 and Paul Simon, with the
possibility of Eminem performing as well
make it “must-see-TV!”.
Full Details can be found online at
www.oscars.org and www.oscars.com

New films showing/opening this week

New at the Odeon this week is the super-
hero filler between Spiderman of last year
and The Incredible Hulk due out later this
year/start of next year: Daredevil. Starring
Ben Affleck as the man in the leather suit,
Daredevil is a superhero who, although
blind, possesses super-human like senses
other than his sight in order to defeat those
bad people around him, including Colin
Farrell, the Britney Spears snogging Irish
chap and Jennifer Garner who recently took
advantage of Leonardo DiCaprio in Catch
Me If You Can.
Opening this week is also The Ring, tainted
by many as the scariest film of the year. The
original version was reviewed in barefacts
as a classic a few weeks back, so it might
serve well to rent out the old version to see
how it compares to the new. Or not.
Coming up soon we have the much fancied
The Hours, with Nicole Kidman, Adapta-
tion, with Nic Cage playing two roles and
the “I wonder why they would do that”
sequel to Analyze This, erm, Analyze That.
What is Bobby De Niro doing?
14 LITERATURE 20 February 2003

Look into the mirror... There is love, lots of love.

We have music, lots of music.
Don’t think that I am stupid,
For this belief so ordinary.
Rich are we with the means by which our This belief so simple.
Literature editor Chris Ward challenges ancestors rose. If the leaves that hover over me,
the preconceptions of UniS students Fine is the road to redemption from our seem to twirl with a different speed than the
heavy woes. rest of humanity.
and offers a shining counter-example If sanity is somewhat of a proposed
From burdens we are free. question mark from you to me.
Many people generalise about UniS as being a “science
And peace we long to bring. don’t look at me with pity.
university”. Generally objective and with only a few arts
But by violence in response to mutilation? Don’t deliver me from my shunning.
offered. The implications of this are that the strength of
In our anger we brandish retaliation? For I know that money makes the world go
the arts within the university is heavily outweighed by the
the wrong way round.
strength of the objective and logical. Anthony Osunde,
There goes the music, there goes the love. And that life, well life is only for love
a final year Chemical Engineering student, is a shining
Architects of our fall, infrastructures of and time is only that we may find he that
piece of evidence disproving this theory. He attended
doom. makes
the International Society of Poets 2002 Convention and
Parading our streets, involving our hearts. the world turn the way it should.
Symposium, winning an extremely prestigious award for
Remembering the days that we prayed for The way it does.
his literature. What follows is a rundown of an in-depth
the grace,
philosophical chat we had last semester about his inspirations,
that was pure and innocent. Look into the mirror.
morality, spirituality and life in general.
Look deeply into you.
Anthony finds much of his inspiration from God. It is this belief that his vision and
The cycle is complete, for we continue to See that you are only so much on the
motivation reach a universal clarity, whilst giving him a very interesting and inspiring
inflict. outside,
perspective on life. As I myself came from a Catholic upbringing, a deep theological
Failing to oversee, that the peace we have But a whole world more on the inside.
conversation began on the history of humanity and how spiritually has affected this process.
all been seeking, Feel your heart beat.
He shared my concern for groups that take the Bible literally, but also agreed with me that
Lies deep within, and there it will always Feel your thoughts flow.
the Bible is a powerful crux to basic human living. To him, humanity has corrupted the many
be. Can you see it on the outside?
spiritual aspects of the Bible and religion, and converted it into a constitution that does not
No. There is more to life that lies beneath.
resemble the spiritual system it once was.
the cycle in the mirror The cycle in the mirror.
During much of the debate, I played devil’s advocate in order to present other current
by anthony osunde The cycle in the mirror.
opinions on spirituality and religion. Many people argue, “How can there be a God when so
many terrible things happen in the world?”. This led into an interesting discussion of how
life is balanced on contrast. If a room is dark, we cannot see. But if a room is filled with
brightness, we cannot see either. The darkness often helps us appreciate the light, and bad
things do have to happen in order for the light to be appreciated. Anthony optimistically
added to this theory, “light will always shine over darkness”.
Are science students really crap at writing?
Unfortunately, the entire transcript of our chat and Anthony’s interesting ideas cannot
be included in this short column. But perhaps the content and style of his literature A question that has been asked by many (I
boasts enough philosophical meanings to say it all. Included this week is a sample of Mr think). Apparently all you science lot can do
Osunde’s work, and I hope you find it as enjoyable and thought-provoking as I did. is add things together and make equations
for things that will never be used. Prove
these people wrong! Show them that it is not
true! For I am a science student myself, and
I can write (can’t I? Ermm.. we’ll leave that
moods by terrence rojas to interpretation). I am looking to recruit
poetry The colour of the midsummer sky, more aspiring literature journalists onto the
On days when you can see forever; section. Come on you scientists… show
The hint of rose dusk pink, those arts students what you are capable of.
Just before the slow riot of dawn. Send me an email (cs21cw@surrey.ac.uk) Any comments/criticisms about the current
and let me know what you would like to do. literature format, drop me a line.
The cave-like darkness
Of a bedroom made for slumber,
With another’s arms to encumber;
Warmth, passion, rest and desire.
This is the word-crossing crossword
Covers pulled, shivering in fear, eyes shining;
As darkness steals ever near.
you’ll be pleased to hear it should be easier than last semeser
scarred for life by terrence rojas Apologies once again for the strange positioning of the crossword this week and the pos-
Scarred for life The sparkle of the voice that ears hear sible impossibility of being able to read the clues. If it really is that bad, don’t strain your
You put your brand on me Rampant in the conversation outside my door eyes and just put words in that will fit. barefacts@ussu.co.uk
From the moment I felt The ebb and flow of currents far below the surface
Your lips Like clouds, sky and sun,
Wrap around Actors all; in a lazy dance over morning’s brow.
My name
Calling me to you The shrill tin pan cacophony
Life was never the same Of surprise, the sharp pricks that follow
If my skin could cry Leading to moments of ‘ah ha!’
Then it would The slow easing of breath
For the sound of your touch Into a sigh – expressions of relief.
Drives me out of my mind
This need for connection Moods composed of melancholy,
Is a steady ache Like bitter sweet exotic berry honey,
A dull, dark thrumming Enough of sweet to soothe,
At the base of my spine Enough of bitter to bite.
I feel naked with need
Raw, bruised and battered with it Moods ranging voracious
Each ragged breath I take while with Predator-like over the plains of thought
you Often settle feather soft, down
Is a pure injection of breathless relief Ever softly down;
A minor salvation When day’s journey comes to end
© Mind Ink 2003 © Mind Ink 2003
20 February 2003
At the Yvonne Arnaud Theatre
Daisy Clay takes a look at some of the recent shows
on at the local theatre and has one heck of a time
Double Double is a modern romantic
thriller with a truly original storyline.
When Phillipa James (Sabina Franklyn)
picks up the homeless down-and-out
Duncan McFee (Jonathan Morris)
and takes him to her husbands luxury
apartment, Duncan gets more than
what he bargained for. When Phillipa
explains Duncan’s likeness for her
recently deceased husband Richard, she
then goes on to proposition Duncan to
impersonate Richard, allowing them to
collect the one million pound trust fund
he was due before his death. In return
for a half share of the money Duncan
agrees to this extreme business deal,
although neither of them considered the
possibility of love. Most importantly
though, has Phillipa told him the whole
truth?
Performances by Jonathan Morris
(Bread) and Sabina Franklyn (Full
House and Keep it in the Family) were
both impressive, especially with Morris’
challenge as an English actor playing
the part of an Irishman trying to learn
a middle class English accent. For an
actor, any form of accent can be highly
challenging but his successful layering
of accents helped to form many of the
entertaining moments. Despite the play
Moment of Weakness takes a funny look
at married life, presenting the audience
with the current lives of Audrey (Gwen
Taylor) and Tony (Michael Jayston), a
divorced couple who, after three years
apart, meet at their country cottage.
Old memories are stirred and former
wounds are opened but the arrival of
their daughter Lucy (Clare Buckfield)
acts as a catalyst, provoking numerous
realisations between them. However,
the play remains largely unpredictable,
leaving the audience asking that
all important question until the last
moments of the play; will they or won’t
they?
In writing Moment of Weakness, Donald
Churchill adopts a witty and sarcastic
approach to the world of marriage and
manages to produce an unexpectedly
humorous play that is also moving and
poignant. This approach succeeds in
producing a very entertaining romantic
comedy.
THEATRE
DOUBLE DOUBLE
PRODUCER & DIRECTOR | IAN DICKENS
STARRING | JONATHAN MORRIS & SABINA
FRANKLYN
containing only two central characters
throughout the majority of the play,
the actors succeeded in keeping the
audience’s attention with the depth of
each character constantly being built
upon. Franklyn skilfully portrayed
the mysterious character of Phillipa,
keeping the audience alert and trying
to decide how honest she was really
being.
The play contained many moments of
comedy with numerous lines, primarily
those of Duncan, creating waves of
audience laughter. Towards the end
though, contrastingly, there were
unexpected moments of sadness and
anguish, which really came across well
from both actors. The play is focused
mainly on comedy and mystery but the
inclusion of despair added to the overall
range of atmospheres.
As the narrative moves along, it
takes many twists and turns in various
unexpected directions. Halfway through
it was clear that members of the audience
each had their own theories as
Although described as a ‘comedy’ the
play switches frequently between the
moments of humour to moments of high
emotion and seriousness. At times, the
characters of Lucy and Audrey clearly
show their anguish, whereby Gwen
Taylor and Clare Buckfield were highly
successful in evoking sympathetic
audience reactions. It seems that these
high emotions are often veiled by the
humour and witty banter between this
family, only to erupt.
The play is cleverly written with many
undertones and hidden meanings within
the script. The tedious banter between
Tony and Audrey frequently verges
on argument although the audience
can deduce further meaning from the
sometimes seemingly meaningless
content of their conversations.
Throughout the play there are copious
indications of the offstage world with
the continual references to each other
characters has an intrinsic role in the
script. The script allows strong imagery
and visions of the other characters being
painted for the audience despite a lack
of much physical description.
My one criticism of the play is based
in the script writing, whereby, at times,
I felt the script seemed to go round in
circles without purpose. However, I can
see that this may have been intended to
reflect a characteristic of Audrey and
Tony’s lives. Nevertheless, this did
cause me to lose focus for a short time
during the performance. However,
to which direction the play would turn
in next, although I expect that very few
of them will have guessed successfully.
As the last scene of the play builds to
its climax you will be gripped as you
think how the play could end. The final
revelations will leave you stunned and
gasping. However, the actual end of the
play is largely inconclusive, leaving it
up to the audience to fill in the gaps.
After so many twists, some of which
were very confusing I found this partial
ending a little frustrating. Admittedly
though this did provoke a great deal of
afterthought, which I generally believe
is a good thing. Nevertheless, it is vital
to add that much of my afterthought on
the play surrounded it’s final action – an
ingenious stunt which left me, along
with everyone else, totally baffled and
perplexed! I still cannot conceive how
MOMENT OF WEAKNESS
PRODUCER | IVAN HALE
DIRECTED | DAVID TAYLOR
STARRING | MICHAEL JAYSTON, GWEN
TAYLOR & CLARE BUCKFIELD
this focus was sharply brought back
to the action onstage by the actors’
performance, which I cannot fault.
Gwen Taylor gave a brilliant and
compelling performance as a woman
full of despair and confusion as she
cannot decide what she wants and
believes that even then she cannot have
what she would like. Michael Jayston
presented an equally skilled and talented
performance as the wry and sarcastic
tease who is outwardly unaware of his
own discontentment with life. Neither
know what they really want or how to
get it, and now that their earlier plans
to live out the “fag end” of life together
have seemingly been ruined their lives
seem confused and shambolic. Lastly,
Clare Buckfield, as the energetic and
youthful daughter, performed extremely
well and with immense ability. Although
said to be in her early 20s the character
of Lucy still seemed to have a playful
and child like essence with her aim to
reunite her parents despite the strong
indicators that tension between Audrey
and Tony is a barrier to this.
Despite having no personal experience
of married life I was still able to
connect to the play on some level.
The perpetual aim of Lucy to reunite
15
the particular stunt was performed
(unless it simply was magic). For anyone
choosing to go and see this play – if you
work it out, send your answers on a
postcard! Overall, Double Double was a
clever and continually entertaining play
with many hidden depths to both the
characters and to the plot.
As an aside, I strongly recommend a
night out to the theatre to anyone who
fancies something different with a
change of scenery and an entertaining
time. Despite being slightly more
expensive than the cinema you get the
entertainment that you pay for, and with
tickets from just £7 it really is worth it.
The plays even contain some celebrities
too! Keep your eyes peeled for plays
featuring Lesley Joseph (Office Suite),
Tracey Shaw (The Blue Room) and Rik
Mayal (Present Laughter).
her parents seemed to match a wish of
many children with separated parents,
making the play feel evermore realistic.
It may be that the play was written for,
and aimed towards, an older audience
who could relate more personally to
the feelings experienced by Audrey and
Tony. This couple seem to be facing
mid-life crisis; feeling despair that they
are now undesirable and attempting to
rediscover themselves.
The script is essentially unpredictable,
particularly in the second act and I
especially liked this aspect of the play.
Upon entering the auditorium I partially
expected to watch the tale of two
divorcees become reunited and happily
get back together although the play
proved to be far from this. Moment of
Weakness continually built up towards
the ending, keeping you guessing until
the very last moments of the play
– although the ending is not what you
quite expected.
The Blue Room, Sir David Hare’s critically acclaimed adaptation of
a dramatic European masterpiece, is showing at the Yvonne Arnaud
Theatre in Guildford, from Monday 24th February to Saturday 1st
March. This West End hit caused a sensation when it was one of
the first to see Hollywood actors performing in London, with Nicole
Kidman starring, directed by Sam Mendes, in the production at the
Donmar Warehouse in 1998. The production repeated its success
on Broadway later in the year, and now British audiences have the
opportunity to see the first major tour of the play, starring Tracy Shaw
and Jason Connery Tickets are available from the Box Office, which
is open Mon to Sat 10am–8pm, 01483 44 0000. Tickets are priced
between £11 and £23.50, with Student standbys available 1 hour before
a performance for £7.Performance times are Mon-Thurs: 7.45pm, Fri
& Sat: 8pm, with matinees at 2.30pm on Thurs and Sat. For further
information see www.yvonne-arnaud.co.uk.
 Whats On
events Friday 21st - 28th February
“Here comes the bass ..... here it comes ......”

Kam in the Main Union

£2/£4 guests in advance

Fri
Free Film Dr Strangelove
Lecture Theatre D 7:30pm

House & Trance

Main Union
Sat c i g a r s a n d g o o d l i v i n g 9-2am
Main Union Sport Free Film
B’ham Vs Lpool 4pm TBA
Sun 8pm (film start 8:30)

‘Smash ya Cherry’
Mon Pay £9 on the door, and pay no more.
Main Union 9-2am
Main union
Elections Question Time & www.ussu.co.uk
Tue ??????????????????????
vp sports & vp societies & culture
7pm
Leroy presents
‘What you want to hear’
Wed Citrus 9-2am Main Union, £2/£4

Main union
Elections Question Time & www.ussu.co.uk
Thu ??????????????????????
vp education & welfare, vp comms & marketing
& president 7pm

Fri Fet II sh Friday 28th February (Week 6)

Main Union 4pounds all night
20 February 2003
SHAPES
SUGABABES | ISLAND
This is very much the same
old Sugababes music, goes
through all the normal motions.
Not nearly so good as Stronger
though. If you like them you
might like it but thats all there
is to say two | js
ROCK MUSIC PAYS OFF
MEDICINE 8 | INFECTED
A one-track single of hard-
hitting dirty beats, incredibly
professional production for
the genre, and voice samples
with a message. This one is
the second single from the
debut album of brothers Luke
and Liam May, ‘Iron Stylings’.
Medicine 8’s distorted acid
house is raw, concrete jungle
music at it’s best. nine | t.t.
HOLY ROLLER NOVOCAINE
KINGS OF LEON |
HANDMEDOWNERECORDS
Hairy Americans with hairy
songs, that’s a stupid way of
describing this band here’s
a better one… The Kings of
Leon are an attractive aside to
the current storm of NYC rock
revolutionaries. They blend
Southern fused emotion with an
understanding of the rawness
underpinning NYC bands.
California Waiting is pure heart
on the sleeve genius and the rest
is thoughtful, infectious rock ‘n’
roll served just the way I like it.
eight | a.r.
PUSH IT (REAL GOOD)
HARRY
Harry is a she and according to
the press release she has plenty
to say to teenage girls. Why she
didn’t say anything worthwhile
in this single is a mystery! Deep
rock voice over cheesy europop
beats with a stolen line from Salt
N Pepper. Unoriginal pop drivel.
two | j.h.
words by: al read | andrew malek
| simon robinson | anna wheeler |
jonathan darzi | matty b | anthos
chrysanthou | jonathan howell
terje tjervaag
if you are interested in writing for
the music team, then come along
to the cd hand-out in the media
centre on mondays at 5pm
MUSIC
EXTENDED PLAY
GOLDRUSH| TRUCK RECORDS
This EP release follows up last
years Don’t Bring Me Down LP
showcasing new material and
a re-working of Let You Down.
Goldrush have elements of
Coldplay musically with vocals
stuttering along in a high pitch.
Let Me Down has be re-mastered
with the help of David Fridmann
(Flamming Lips) and Lenny
Franchi (The Music) to turn it
into an even immense track than
previous. The seven track EP
has three new tracks sandwiched
between an intro and outro with
the Counting Song capturing a
more positive attitude showing
great promise as a rounded band.
seven | m.b.
SPIRAL
ZONGAMIN | FLESH & XL
RECORDINGS
The press release for this trio
of synth-driven experimental
dance tracks begins with a quote
from ‘Jockey Slut’ magazine,
describing it as “the kind of
wigged-out funk Luke Skywalker
would have dug had he preferred
lightsticks to light sabres”. Even
overlooking the probable scarcity
of said clubbing accessories a
long time ago in a galaxy far, far
away, I struggle to see where the
comparison lies. In fact, I’m just
generally confused by almost
every aspect of this – for which
it surely deserves some credit.
seven | j.d.
LAPDANCE/PROVIDER
N.E.R.D | VIRGIN
Lapdance has been knocking
about in various guises for some
time now. This latest version
has drums and guitars spliced
wildly over the unnerving bass
and rap lyrics. I love it just like
I’ve enjoyed all the other slants.
Provider tackles the ubiquitous
choose drugs or choose life
themes with intelligent tempo
change. As a double a-side this
record succeeds in showcasing the
range of talents N.E.R.D and their
debut album have to offer. seven
| a.r.
SHAPE OF YOU
BEVERLEY KNIGHT | EMI
Double Brit nominated Beverley
Knight has been at the forefront
of the UK urban scene for many
years and is only now having
this crown taken away by Ms
Dynamite. Even on this lesser
track than previous off the album
all is given by Knight with
heartfelt vocals which made last
years ‘Who I Am’ a great success.
Not her best work but still shows
the quality of her vocals and all
round performance. six | m.b.
singles
17
NO PADS, NO HELMETS
SIMPLE PLAN
I picked up this album because
the cover appealed to me.
Three fine looking ladies and
five skater kids in a trashed
hotel room. “Looks like fun”
I thought. Sadly I was wrong.
Simple Plan are a Canadian
skater punk pop band (think
Blink 182 with worse accents).
With songs like ‘I’m just a Kid’
summarising all that is unfair
about being 17. Life is unfair;
get over it. three | j.h.
GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY...
THE DARKNESS | MUST DESTROY
RECORDS
Do you want to know what
listening to this song is like?
It’s like stepping into a time
machine and getting transported
back 15 years to the time when
Rock was King. Even though
The Darkness don’t belong in
2003, their classic mullet-rock
riffs make a refreshing change
from, well, everything. This
isn’t a patch on their last single,
the fantastic ‘I Believe in a
Thing Called Love’, but it’s
still a mightily cool tune to rock
out to. six | j.a.
18
BAN MARRIAGE
THE HIDDEN CAMERAS | ROUGH
TRADE
The Hidden Cameras have
so far made their name in
native Canada through their
live shows. Choirs, go-go
dancers, hand painted flyers
and shows in Jewish elderly
peoples homes are the norm
and this is their first musical
offering to the UK. Filled
with insistent strumming and
echoing vocals it does not sound
too distant from a melancholic
Velvet Underground. Theres
something quite eery about
the band, the simplicity of the
vocals and sound give a distinct
but beautiful mystical quality
to it reminiscent of many New
York sixties bands before. An
impressive and distinctive
debut, maybe Canada wont just
be famous for Celine Dion and
Bryan Adams . seven | s.r.
MORRISEY and Johnny Marr of
the Smiths bank accounts can
thank the lovely Russian duo
that is Tatu, after they covered
‘How Soon Is Now’ on their
current album and is set to be
released as a single in the near
future, £250,000 will do nicely.
FORMER Verve Guitarist, Simon
Tong has been drafted in as live
guitarist for Blur after Coxon
quit the band last year but it
unlikely to be a long-term
replacement.
Eminem madness has swept
the country with tickets for
his latest tour selling out in
minutes prompting extra dates
to be added and with tickets
exchanging hands for over £200
it is the hottest ticket around.
FRANK Skinner was the latest
celebrity to don the white robes
as he joined the Polyphonic
Spree on stage at their recent
London gig. Previous Celebes
who’ve been on stage include
Jarvis Cocker who participate
in strange swaying and vigorous
dancing.
FESTIVAL update: REM have
been confirmed as Friday
headliners and its more than
likely Radiohead will be
confirmed for Saturday at this
years Glastonbury, licence
permitting. Red Hot Chilli
Peppers and Coldplay are
confirmed as the star attraction
at the V2003 festivals at Stafford
and Chelmsford. And for all
those rockers the legendary
Metallica are the showstoppers
for this years Reading and
Leeds festival.
MORE THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE
MATCHBOX20 | ATLANTIC
Long revered as all-conquering
heroes by their vast stateside
fanbase, Matchbox Twenty have
always struggled to appeal to
this nation’s generally more
refined collective musical palate
(popularity of Pop Idol et al
notwithstanding). Listening to
their not particularly unique
brand of soft rock – think a
‘70s-influenced Counting Crows
without the charm or memorable
songs – it’s not difficult to see
why this is the case.
Opening track ‘Feel’ is a slight
departure from their standard
fare with its likeness to the
angst-ridden riffage currently
being peddled by countless post-
post-grunge miserablists, and
album standout ‘Downfall’ uses
a gospel choir to reasonable if
slightly superficial effect, but the
remainder does little to either
stir the soul or raise the blood
pressure. On the strength of this
record they’re likely to remain an
obscurity in the UK, and arguably
not undeservedly so. five | j.d.
ADAPTATION (SOUNDTRACK)
CARTER BURWELL | VIRGIN
Carter Burwell has made scores
for many ‘alternative’ films
such as ‘The Big Lebowski’ and
‘Being John Malkovich’. This is
the soundtrack for a promising
new film directed by Spike
Jonze which features Nicholas
Cage playing two different
characters. The soundtrack itself
is predominantly orchestral, and
consists mostly of brooding,
unconventional melodies and
unlikely chord changes, which
contribute to an overall feeling of
unease and mystery. This mood
never really lets up throughout,
but the music is interesting and
unpredictable enough to keep
your interest. Undoubtedly it will
all make more sense in the context
of the film, but the inclusion of
‘Happy Together’ by The Turtles
is a welcome if slightly random
bonus. seven | a.c.
MUSIC
BADMEANINGOOD
PEANUT BUTTER WOLF | BMG
Part three of the Badmeaningood
series sees Peanut Butter Wolf
step up and compile a collection
of songs that moulded his
development as a hip-hop DJ,
producer, remixer etc. etc. The
immediate reaction is one of
bewilderment! I wasn’t expecting
The Human League or any
other of the distinctly high brow
offerings that he has chosen. My
feeling is one of humility; this
is obviously a deeply personal
insight into the influences of one
of hip-hops most distinguished
alumni. The key to this volume is
the importance of drum breaks on
early hip-hop. Many of the songs
have been selected because of
their inventive use of drum break
or clever musical interpolation of
drum into synthesiser. It all makes
for a rather difficult experience
somewhat reminiscent of the
soundtrack to Grand Theft Auto
Vice City. I suggest only the
serious indulge, this isn’t Tim
Westwood compilation dirge.
seven | a.r.
ROOTS
HARAMBÉ | WHITE ELEPHANT
RECORDINGS
Young funkmeisters Harambé list
influences from Miles Davis and
Herbie Hancock to Jamiroquai
and Me’Shell Ndegeocello and
brand themselves as a musical
collective, playing music “that
has something relevant to say, a
message to impart.” However,
when one compares their debut
album Roots with these ambitions,
something seems to have gotten
lost along the way. The 5-
man-and-a woman-strong band
produces music that is every bit as
funky as their alleged influences
but sadly lack most of what made
those same influences as special
as they were, and are. Roots is 15
bland and soulless jams that are
not taken much further than their
initial riffs. Most of the tunes
seem unfinished and unpolished.
Harambé might grow out of the
musical equivalent of primary
school, but until then they are best
avoided. three | t.t.
20 February 2003
albums
THE NEON HANDSHAKE
HELL IS FOR HEROES
Several homegrown emo laced
nu-metal bands are cropping up
at the moment, trying to ride
the wave of Hundred Reasons’
recent success. It therefore
takes a special ingredient for
a band to set themselves apart
from the crowd, and HIFH have
this in the form of amazing
songwriting ability; the way
their songs stick in your head
without being too sickeningly
commercial. Boasting two
former members of Symposium
and almost immediately signing
a major label deal doesn’t harm
their success, but to assume
those are the reasons for it
would be lazy. If you take a
listen to this astounding debut,
you’ll be blown away by the
well crafted patterned riffs,
complemented perfectly by
periodically offbeat drums and
diverse post-hardcore vocals.
The album sounds complete,
there are no gaps, no ‘fillers’,
and it isn’t carried by the
strength of it’s three preceding
singles : ‘Nightvision’, ‘I
Can Climb Mountains’ and,
most recently, ‘You Drove
Me To It’, although these are
the best songs on the album.
It is perhaps because of their
constant radio and television
playlist rotation that the band is
selling out venues all over the
country, as well as making a
visit to our very own USSU in
March. ‘The Neon Handshake’
is by no means a classic album,
rather one which sprints away
ahead of the pack from the
starting blocks, by a band who
ooze potential and are likely to
deliver. Let’s just hope they can
finish the race. eight | a.m.
20 February 2003
gigs
This gig was a rescheduled NME
Awards show that was supposed
to be headlined by The Coral.
The Coral dropped out (guitarist
with tendonitis or something)
and the gig was shifted from
the Astoria to the Garage. The
buzz before the gig was all about
The Kings of Leon whom XFM
and everyone else were ranting
and raving about. I managed
to get hold of a copy of Kings
of Leon EP before the gig and
quickly found myself caught
up in the hype. They were on
first and blew everyone away
with their outrageous hair and
southern flavoured rock ‘n’ roll.
The Memphis based singer has a
unique throaty voice quite unlike
anything I’ve heard and the rest
of the groups’ musical limitations
(the bassist has only been playing
for a year) leant rawness to their
performance. Up next was The
Sleepy Jackson an Aussie band
from the very unrock ‘n’ roll city
of Perth. The lead singer who
has something of a hedonistic
past (drink, drugs, sacked band
members etc.) is evidently a
songwriter of some talent; the
“If the Beach Boys died and went
to heaven, this group would be the
result.” I was never previously
aware that Frank Skinner was
such a wise man, but he summed
up this band perfectly as part of
his very funny, heckler-dismissing
introduction, even over the strains
of “Football’s coming home”.
If you have never heard of the
Polyphonic Spree you are missing
a musical and visual spectacle.
The band are literally the biggest
in the world with “25 ish”
members from Texas, all clothed
in white robes and led by the
smiling, waving, incredibly happy
Tim DeLaughter.
But that’s the point. This band
makes you smile. They play the
most perfect, pure pop music
you’ll ever hear, and it sounds
even better live, in a room full
of believers. With almost a
religious air about them, the
“choral symphonic pop band”
range of influences/references
stoked up and poured out onto
the crowd was frightening. I
loved the Kings of Leon but
when heavy programmed bass of
Apples kicked in I was literally
blown away (stupidly I was
standing by the speaker). The
Sleepy Jackson are for real and
with song titles like Cavaties
they thankfully aren’t another
Starsailor. Finally and rather
anticlimactically The Basement
took to the stage and played a
rather unremarkable and overly
long Celtic impersonation of
the Coral. This in itself was
not that bad but when forced to
follow the two fresh and highly
relevant bands described above
it all fell a little flat and left me
searching for the door. The bill
should have been flipped on its
head with The Basement and
The Sleepy Jackson warming up
for the Kings of Leon. Evidently
the photographers thought the
same as their numbers dwindled
steadily throughout the night
from mass hysteria at the Kings
of Leon to mass well nothing
with The Basement. al read
MUSIC
the
as they like to call themselves,
draw you into their world of suns
and light and joy immediately,
and soon everyone is singing and
dancing in unison. The group
are amazing to watch live with
people jigging about all over the
place whilst singing as part of the
choir, or playing any number of a
multitude of instruments including
trombone, harp, flute, French
horn, trumpet etc. etc., all of them
clothed in the stylish white robes
which are their garment of choice.
The band started with the
fantastic ‘Have A Day’, from
their stunning debut album ‘The
Beginning Stages Of….’, and the
room was collectively smiling.
Other classics from the album
followed in quick succession
with ‘Hanging Around’ reaching
its amazing crescendo before
perfectly blending into one of the
singles of last year ‘Soldier Girl’.
By the time new single ‘Light and
NME award show time again,
the honour of kicking off was
given to Starsailor and three
other bands with top indie
credentials i.e. mad hair. I saw
Starsailor at the NME awards a
couple of years ago where they
were plumbing the bottom of
the bill in support of JJ72. The
capacity crowd was expecting a
headline show no less and great
things should be expected from
the newly self-assured James
Walsh and friends. Current A &
R darlings the 22-20’s were also
generating a lot of buzz –they’re
being touted as the British
answer to the White Stripes, I
was hoping for something a little
more imaginative. That’s the
intros out of the way onto the
bands!
Hope of the States were up
very early and played to a pretty
sparse Astoria crowd. They
weren’t disheartened and most
people were positive in reaction
to their introverted, thoughtful
and only very occasionally
whiney blend of lyrics and
arrangement. Next up were
The 22-20’s a seriously different
polyphonic
Day’ was played, the audience
was glowing and euphoria
enveloped the room and everyone
in it. This was heightened by the
release of hundreds of Polyphonic
Spree emblazoned balloons right
over our heads. With everyone
already jumping to the music and
waving their arms around, and the
band bouncing, swaying, singing,
playing, it was perfect.
New songs followed including
‘2000 Places’, and the die-hard
fans knew the first few that had
been played live before and these
were received as well as previous,
more familiar songs. However it
seemed the band had peaked too
early, as more new songs were
played, which brought a slight lull
over the audience.
The encore consisted of the
bands appearance earlier in the
day on V Graham Norton, which
was entertaining, but we had
come to see the real thing. The
and vital band from Lincoln.
The three piece dripped musical
talent from the get go. Their
compositions suggested reference
to rather than copybook Led
Zeppelin, White Stripes etc.
Funked up blues with occasional
all out cop-chase drama. The best
thing about this band is the self-
confidence that should, I hope,
develop into proper rock ‘n’ roll
arrogance – here’s hoping.
Nada Surf, first reaction who the
hell is that guy with the dreads?
I experienced a traumatic series
of near seizures as my eyes
played tricks on me, have I been
duped into attending a Counting
Crows gig? Thankfully he wasn’t
and that’s the last reference I’ll
make to that shit (this word
is necessary) band, on a more
positive note he was clearly
mashed – good lad. The music
they peddled was very strong if
a little short of cutting edge, this
will come with time their latest
single ignited the crowd like a
snowman with a firecracker nose.
A real surprise, this band deserve
more attention, I hope they
continue to do well.
19
spree
bands’ favourite cover, ‘Five
Years’ by David Bowie came
next and soon the evening was
drawing to a close with a wall
of sound, manic robed Texans
running all over the stage and
into the crowd, converting
the unbelievers. Despite the
strange choice of set list, the
evening would have silenced
any doubters. This band is
addictive and everyone left the
Forum with big, stupid grins on
their faces, and many people
wearing the robes either bought
from merchandise or thrown
into the crowd before the show
began.
As the wise man Mr. Skinner
also said; “There may be a war
tomorrow, but tonight is about
love”. It’ll happen to everyone
eventually, so why fight it? Let
the Polyphonic Spree into your
life and you will be rewarded.
anna wheeler
Starsailor like other
beneficiaries of that unfortunate
‘New Acoustic’ hyperbole
are facing up to life in a very
different musical climate. The
NME have moved on and with
them their readership. This
leaves me hoping Starsailor
are more than an unattractive
one trick pony. With no
place amongst the new rock
revolution, Starsailor have
made that inexcusable (read
forced) of decisions to rock
out unimaginatively, the result
is completely irrelevant; that’s
my first impression of the new
songs – there was no audience
connection. NEWSFLAH My
NME brainwashed neuroses
should be taken out back and
shot while the rest of the crowd
enjoy a thoroughly rounded
collection of heartbreak ballads
– that was everyone else’s
opinion and actually mine,
sort of. Basically everyone
had a wicked time apart from
me who kept playing 22-20’s
and Interpol songs in my head.
Weirdo. al read
20 INTERACTIVE 20 February 2003

Week 4 Answer: Ok I’ve been told by

loads of people that eyespy is getting easier,
although I was told by Kate & Jo that it
is getting much harder… but everyone
2
Quiz
seemed to have worked out that this photo This week sees another contribution to the lyrics quiz from folks who read what is written
was one of the supporting struts to the front here. Last week saw Ollie send in his quiz all the way from Texas over in America and
of the nursing building. this week sees one Kevin Blain show us what he’s made of when it comes to the words
to songs. A thank you to Kevin, therefore, for sending in his collection of ten lyrics to
Week 5 Clue: I think this one is a bit frustrate you and an offer from barefacts to anyone else who wishes to challenge the lyrics
harder. No clues this time funkyberry quizzers to send in their 10 songs to the usual address (barefacts@ussu.co.uk) and we’ll
2 2 drop it right in here.
Take it away, sonny Jim...

[1] There is... What?

[2] What time is it?
[3] I was a player in the darkness
[4] Oh oh la la. Oh oh la la.
[5] Do you think I would leave you crying?
[6] In another life maybe, we’ll all be ginger and free
[7] Oh oh yeah, oh oh yeah. Oh oh yeah, oh oh yeah.
[8] Undressing me with your eyes.
[9] Build a house next door to you

Who wants to be a millionaire?

[10] And if dreams were wings, you know

well - surely not many of us would turn a million quid down

£100: what name is given to the young of a kangaroo?
a: joey | b: jody | c: polly | d: bruce
I can’t seem to find the words
that’s because this is a word search
“
£200: in tennis, what name is given to a service that the opponent fails to get a touch to?

“
depending upon your definition of cool, watching
a: deuce | b: advantage | c: ace | d: let
paint dry redefines the phrase “exciting pastime”
£300: as what was Liberace famous?
a: bullfighter | b: pianist | c: footballer | d: soldier

£500: Gordon Sumner is the real name of which pop star?

a: meat loaf | b: seal | c: sting | d: fish

£1k: what is myopia?

a: short-sightedness | b: deafness | c: baldness | d: tooth decay

£2k: who composed ‘Rhapsody in Blue’?

a: cole porter | b: irving berlin | c: george gershwin | d: aaron copland

£4k: what is ‘helix aspersa’, a pest in the garden because of its liking for green vegetation?
a: greenfly | b: slug | c: snail | d: blackfly

£8k: who had a UK hit single in 1992 with ‘Save the Best for Last’?
a: denice williams | b: andy williams | c: vanessa williams | d: john williams

£16k: in which city was Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart born?

a: salzburg | b: vienna | c: berlin | d: prague

£32k: who is the most senior member of the Queen’s household?

a: lord chamberlain | b: lord privy seal | c: lord chancellor | d: black rod

£64k: what is the name of Rigby’s cat in the comedy series ‘Rising Damp’? Chris Tarrant vs. Anne Robinson in
a: vienna | b: beethoven | c: sofia | d: chelsea a bout to decide the world quiz-host
heavyweight championship of the
£125k: what is a ‘gamp’? world. Who would win? Your thoughts,
please: barefacts@ussu.co.uk
a: umbrella | b: fish | c: lantern | d: fruit

£250k: published in 1975, ‘Grimus’ is the first novel by which author?
a: melvyn bragg | b: salman rushdie | c: peter carey | d: stephen king
£500k: on which of these would you find a ‘hame’?
a: suit of armour | b: rowing boat | c: horse’s harness | d: spinning wheel
£1m: which star type has the hottest surface temperature?
a: white | b: red | c: blue | d: yellow
Returning triumphant for another week is the now familiar wordsearch.
The litlle diatribe for this week concerns how you cross out the wrods
when you find them on the word-search. Some poeple circle the letters
whilst others cross through. I’m probably in the crossing through camp,
but this tends to make finding the other words difficult and so I can
sympathise with those who circle.
My only problem with the latter is that it looks very untidy and you need
a steady hand to make the finished article look neat. Let us know your
thoughts on the matterbarefacts@ussu.co.uk.
20 February 2003
Final years Funkyberry (CIT) and Ickle Sarah (Music) give
a random slice of campus life from their humble dwellings
within Battersea Court Rawson…
A COUPLE of weeks ago I had the most
bizarre journey back from the Union since
my first year (oh, those were the days
– climbing up the golf ball at 4am, trolley
trips round campus, rollerblading outside
the union…). Battersea Rawson is no more
than about 4 minutes away from the Union,
but this particular return journey saw the
journey time lasting more like half an hour,
due to a few unexpected for distractions.
I was walking back with a group of about
ten other final years when we reached
Blackwater house in Surrey Court – the one
with the famous Rag Week 88 footprints up
the side. I turned to my friend Badger and
asked him jokingly if he thought he could
climb up those footprints. However, I didn’t
count on him having consumed quite as
much alcohol as he had, and he replied “of
course I can” and took a running leap at the
wall, utterly convinced he could climb to
the top if he ran fast enough!
AFTER SEVERAL efforts, and a maximum
height gained of three footprints (followed
by a painful looking fall), we carried on
walking, only to find two people staring up
at the kitchen on the top floor of Wey where
a guy was hanging precariously out of the
window. Suddenly there was a splat, and he
dropped an egg out of the window for them
to ‘catch’ then proceeded to yell, “What are
you playing at? That was my last egg!” Oh,
the joys of post-union surrealism.
WALKING ON towards home, we found
none other than Rawson 1’s responsible
senior resident Gavin loitering outside our
house. Although appearing to be relatively
sober, we were less than convinced when
he called to me, “Sarah, come sit with me
in this bush, it’s really comfortable!” And
so the other senior resident of Rawson
proceeded to climb into the thick bushes
outside Seasons to test out his theory.
Whatever happened to the good old days
where senior residents set a good example?!
BUT GAVIN was right – the bushes were
comfortable!
‘ickle sarah butterworth
LIFESTYLE
ANOTHER WEEK rolls on. Shops take down
Valentines Day cards and start getting out
Easter eggs. I was gutted last Friday when
I didn’t get any cards. I was expecting my
usual airdrop of cards, but this year a freak
lightning bolt destroyed all my cards as
they were being loaded onto the Hercules!
Ah well… there’s always next year.
WHILST STANDING quietly doing the
washing up after tea on Sunday I suddenly
heard some voices talking. There were
only a couple of people in the room, and
it wasn’t them. At first I thought it was the
voices that people tell me are in my head,
but I soon traced the source to a ventilation
grill near the ceiling above the sink. I
listened for a bit and then had a really
amusing idea. I stood on a chair, put my
mouth up to the vent and shouted, “Help!!
I’m stuck in the wall!!”. No response – they
didn’t even stop talking. “ARRRGGH THE
ANTS ARE EATING MY EAR!!!”. Still no
response. Just in case you thought that this
story was going anywhere, it isn’t. So I’ll
just stop now.
BATTERSEA COURT Committee plug again.
Anyone reading this in Battersea Court
who wants something to write on their CV?
“I have good organisation skills: I helped
organise a party”. I swear it will put you
head and shoulders above everyone else
in an interview situation. Check my ad
somewhere in this Barefacts.
OK, PLUG over… next subject: hrumph. Is
it just me or does the word “hrumph” come
from “The Famous 5” books? Books…
those were great. Not having kids of my
own yet, I wonder if these days a mother
tucks her kids into bed and switches on
the Plasma screen to show her kid a nice
Disney DVD to help them get to sleep?
Sleep is so annoying. The first person that
invents sleep-in-pills, I’ll buy them a cola.
Just imagine that! “I feel like 6 hours sleep
during my coffee break, I’ll take a green
pill” or “I fancy an afternoon nap with my
evening meal, I’ll take 2 blue pills”. Oh
how I dream! chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter
Upside-down answers
WWTBAM: [£100: a]; [£200: c]; [£300:
b]; [£500: c]; [£1k: a]; [£2k: c]; [£4k: c];
[£8k: c]; [£16k: a];
[£32k: a]; [£64k: a]; [£125k: a]; [£250k:
b]; [£500k: c]; [£1m: c].
No other answers this week. So long!
21
L ife After The Womb
words: rich w
Snow White had become bored with her image: talks with Disney
over a possible new direction had proved fruitless and if things
continued in the house with the seven little fellas as they had been over the past few weeks,
they would surely come to blows. It was not so much the blatant disregard for her personal
space in the house (and the fact she never had the chance to have control of the television
remote) but more the unwashed pots and pans left full of water in the sink and the apparent
communal attitude towards shower gels and toothbrushes.
Though it was unfair to pick on any of them individually (living in a house is, after all, a
team effort) there were certain things that each of them did that really riled her. Dopey, for
example, would always leave the toilet seat up – not because he couldn’t be bothered to put
it down, but simply because he couldn’t figure out how to work it – and it was this lack of
common sense that became frustrating after a while. Sure for the first few weeks you can
accept a dwarf’s nature, but after months of basic stupidity, it all became a little much.
Happy wasn’t much better: for all it would seem great to have a smiley, cheery person
around the house all the time, the last thing you need when you’ve had a bit of a bad day is
someone asking you if you’re ok and trying to suggest fun ways of making things better. In
fact, it’s positively the last thing you need sometimes, to the point of employing either an
outrageous verbal outburst or simple physical harm. (Though the latter had only happened
on the one occasion, it was enough for Happy to bring it up time and time again, albeit in a
slightly guilt-inducing, “that’s-ok-I-don’t-really-mind” kind of way. The bastard.)
Of course, living with an ex is never the best sort of co-habitation arrangement, but
following the four-month relationship with Grumpy, there had been times when things
were a little strained to say the least. What attracted her to him in the first place she was
still unsure – perhaps it had been his sullen attitude, raging temper and ability to fly off the
handle for no apparent reason – but what was certain was that the whole mess had been a
mistake.
As indeed had the rebound fling with Sneezy. If only he hadn’t have offered her a tissue
to dry her tears with when he was quite obviously in desperate need of it himself, she may
have been able to resist. As it was, though, he did offer her the tissue, and albeit for some
awkward kissing moments (when a sudden jerk would result in an inadvertent head-butt)
the tension created by the Grumpy situation was enough to make sure that nothing ever
came of it.
Though his intelligence was something she had always respected, Doc’s attitude towards
the other dwarves (and herself) was also of some concern to our heroine. Having watched
the video over and over again she had decided, in fact, that Disney had been somewhat
inaccurate in their portrayal of Doc as a sympathetic, caring, leader type and would have
been better advised to concentrate on his bigoted, misogynist and arrogant characteristics
instead. His insistence on calling her “love” every time he addressed her was also a point
of grievance that she felt worthy of mentioning to Disney (given that they had advised
her to record any circumstance in which Doc displayed his chauvinistic tendencies) but
the deaf ears on which her complaints fell only served to encourage the old fool, who
especially delighted in pinching her bum whenever she was doing the vacuuming,
Bashful, on the other hand, was annoying by virtue of the fact he never said what he
wanted to say: his seeming indifference acting as a foil for his frankly irritating shyness.
Trying to bring him out of his shell, therefore, was akin to shovelling shit with a heavy
shovel and, though she had tried her utmost by setting him up on blind dates, it appeared
the poor fellow would never appreciate the comfort of another cartoon-creature.
As for Sleepy, it appeared the only kind of comfort he needed was that of a nice comfy
bed underneath him. Though his somnambulant tendencies were hardly surprising to Snow
White, the fact that he was sleeping in a different bed practically every night was somewhat
worrying, and his seeming disinterest in the perils of a promiscuous life-style (and the ill-
repute it may laud upon the house) was something that she simply could not understand.
Admittedly everyone likes to have a little fun, but with such blatant disrespect for those
that he sleeps with and for the sleeping habits of his housemates (some issues of noise had
been previously discussed) there appeared to be no winning with the lazy boy.
And so it was that one day, Snow White, having coped for so long with the ungrateful
pygmies she’d been lumped with, decided to pack it all in, hand in her resignation to
Disney (throwing away the chance of a multi -million pound sequel), change her name by
de-poll and live somewhere on the east coast, not far from Norwich.
A seemingly unlikely story, but true nonetheless.
22 LIFESTYLE 20 February 2003

the joy of text words: victoria venning

I, and anyone who has had the (mis)fortune of giving me their mobile number, would the infinite confusions caused by abrvtns
probably agree that I am a fan of text messaging. I’m still not quite sure what it is about - missing out vowels seems like a good idea
texting that I find so thrilling; a ringing phone doesn’t have the same effect (I can quite at the time, but soon becomes annoying
easily ignore that - no problem), emails require a certain amount of effort, logging on etc, when you receive a text where this has been
and no-one really sends me ‘snail mail’ anymore. But that little ‘beep, beep’ and flashing done, and you have to mentally insert any
envelope sign invariably of the 5 possibilities, in-between which
gets me charging across letters exactly? And for those of us with
the room and diving into extra quick and nimble fingers, there is
my bag, just to read 10 the ultimate horror of realising you have
abbreviated words on a just over enthusiastically sent a text to the
the facts of life tiny green screen. Text wrong person, usually the contents of which
messaging can however involves them, (hence the subconscious
get you into reasonable entering of their number) or has some other
amounts of trouble; with embarrassing theme. Ooops. I’ve noticed
no intonation and little that there are three core groups of texters;
space for explanation, those who send random ‘this is what I’m up
there is plenty of room to, bit bored, wouldn’t mind a reply, need
for misinterpretation. Changing a full-stop into an exclamation mark can make all the entertaining’ messages (a.k.a Amusement
difference between sounding ‘so-so’ about something and appearing enthusiastic, too many Texters, customarily women), those who
however, can make you look a little over keen or possibly even desperate. Then there’s send to the point and instructional ‘7
o’clock outside the shop’ texts (a.k.a Direct
Texters, usually men) and those who just

personals don’t bother at all (a.k.a Skint and/or Lazy

Texters). I think I probably fit into the first
category, which provides me with much
entertainment, until I receive my phone bill
that is....

Boy!how u could make me feel so
miserable?now i just live to please your
life...
Has anyone seen Mark\’s bag- last seen
being eyed up by the PizzaMan- new
topping coming soon!
But what if we like living on a farm??
We’re watching you Sorrel. We know
that bread dish was not washed up
within 24 hours, yet it was still on the
sideboard. This is your last warning!
New party game for Rawson 3: FLUSH
THAT FLOATER!!!
Rawson 3, where it\’s Christmas all year
round!
Any dishes you haven\’t washed up
within 24hours, you must put in your
room. For every dirty dish not put in
your room after 24 hours, we\’ll keep
you awake at nights for an extra hour!!
I like munching on my men!
You knows youre safe! CLART!
its all about fanta lemon!
obviously everyone should go the crimea
gig, be a crime if you miss it
Im winning two many Prizes says GU2,
but hey thats the point of competitions!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rumour has it, that a 2nd year Civ Eng
mislaid his underwear recently, the
question is, where did he find it.....?!
Hola Sexy Spanish Girl! Keep smiling &
lookin beautiful! Forever Yours!
All that effort to impress you boys over
the past few weeks and not one bloody
personnal. What do I have to do? I can\
’t get much badder!?
Loving you madly will be forever
I see the ocean in your eyes, when we\’re
together,
There are no boundraries, there are no
limts
My heart has been embraced, now that
you\’re in it.
Anyone fancy a shag?
Sum1 had a few to many wife-beaters on
monday!
Whens he going to make an honest
woman of you sarah?
Nice job on the wap site, Special
civil engineer that snogged a nun......
that would be me then!
To the girl in the red trousers from
monday night..... easy on the biting bit...
round 2 this monday ok???!!!
READING!!!!!! you\’re shit and you
know you are, you\’re shit ......
Rowland, i\’ve noticed you around i find
you very attractive would you... would
you give me a ride in your Mclaren?!
Hey Rowlie, please let me stroke your
eyebrows they turn me on so much!
Adam, stop fannying about and just
ask Kelly out. we\’re all fed up with you
flirting!!!
Oi Webbie! your the greatest love god
the world has ever known...keep the
dream alive!
Hey Sexy, Kinky here...keep workin that
hole baby...u think anyone knows we\’re
lesbians yet?
s.r., everyone\’s entitled to their opinion,
but I refuse to believe you could
have listened to The Faint\’s \’Danse
Macabre\’ and then gone on to give it 2/
10. It\’s a stunning album. Oli Horton.
minimum wage does not mean minimum
effort!
The BB stands for \’by the book\’
The book says \”thou shalt kowtow to
MTV2 bands, and that 3 should be the
number of the bands, not 2 unless you
then henceforth proceed to 3. Not 4
bands, and 5 is right out\”
Adam, Anne Boleyn, A-N-N-E B-O-L-
E-Y-N
‘Can’t get you out of my head’, baby,
yeah!
Avelyn??!!??!!
sorry for sitting on your stereo jim i
didn\’t mean to break the ariel off! luv
Cedes xx
sputnik...you don\’t have the excuse of
being blind.... she mung!
Thanks for the best valentines day ever,
sexy. The present was amazing. Where
did my knickers go? ;-)
Katie is get-up!!
Happy Birthday Virgin V!!! \”You look
Dam fine tonight\” ....... love and kisses,
Kinky Kate & Randy Mandy.xx
There are Schliefendemons
everywhere!!!!
whats up Russian crew?
not all boys are homble
ed, fancy another threesome this
friday??!?
Pete, take me home
\”But you wouldn\’t say no.\” \”I
wouldn\’t say no to a goat!\”
who the heck would want to be a sabb
anyway?
where are all the lesbians? please come
along to the lgb,
wot dyou mean we re not allowed glow
sticks in here?!!!Thanks 4 a great nite at
fabric guys!
Why buy foreplay dice if you aint gonna
use them properly? You know who you
are............
cleaned your sheets yet pete?
Remember, you have 24hrs to wash
your dishes, or put them in your room.
Anyone that doesn\’t conform, we shall
keep awake another hour at night.
It\’s been a long time since a ruff rhyme,
so watch this space for when we ouff,
fouk and grouff up the place.
I have a love in my life. It makes me
stronger than anything you can imagine.
Oli, can you explain that again please,
you\’ve only said it a million times.
Pete II, keep reading Mens Health, you
might get under 18 stone.
#3, its a shame your spanish, malliorca
are shit
Cameron just because you have a big
pole vault does\’nt mean you have a big
...
Mash Potato, Cash back, 3lb o bananas..
Are you all there Fresher Andy?
On 15, say, \’I would like Tesco Tom, up
my arse\’
Club, readers wives, and a packet of
tissues please.
20 February 2003
Women’s football team continue on their winning ways
Another victory sends team to third in the table with only the table-toppers Reading left to play next week
THIS WEEK’S MATCH was at home to Kingston
who we were yet to play this season due to
bad weather. We were expecting a gruelling
double header, (two consecutive games
of thirty-minute halves) but when the
opposition turned up with only eight players
we thought that was a bit harsh. So it was
winner takes all as we played one game for
six points.
Despite their shortage of players we knew
we couldn’t be complacent. The game
started at a high tempo and things were
made difficult for us by the work rate of the
opposition. It was difficult to penetrate their
defence as they kept all their players back.
However we began to apply the pressure and
found ourselves one – nil up after about ten
minutes. The goal came from a superb cross
from captain Nat and was finished neatly in
the box by our left back Steph. The second
goal came soon after and was a great piece
of football. Our forwards Linda and Kelly
(aka ‘Beast’ for her positive encouragement
of fellow players on the pitch!?) linked up
well, taking it through their defence with a
one two. Linda crossed the ball from the left
and beast finished sweetly, slotting it past
their keeper.
The score remained 2-0 until half time
as we failed to take full advantage of the
opposition’s eight-woman side. Kingston
never looked like scoring, but they acquitted
themselves well in defence. There were
moments of true Brazilian football where we
passed the ball around superbly, switching
SPORT
BY NAT TARRANT
University of Surrey 4
Kingston 1
it from left to right, (okay, so they only had
eight players, forget that bit). However,
for too much of the match we lowered our
game to the oppositions standards. This was
frustrating and meant that we were impatient
in attack, squandering chances.
The second half was much the same, with
bursts of inspired football in amongst a
generally frustrating game. Dee, (player
of the match) put in a great performance
throughout the whole of the game matching
Kingston for effort and determination.
Her work rate was rewarded in the second
half with a goal from Nat’s corner. It
was a clinical right foot finish in the box.
Unfortunately Kingston were also rewarded
for their efforts with a flukey, twenty five-
yard hit and hope, mid way through the
second half. Before the end of the game,
Beast got on the score sheet again, scoring
her fifth goal in three games.
It finished 4-1 and although we all felt we
should have played better, we were happy
with the six points. There were some good
performances including midfielders Nat,
and Collette, and left back Kim who was
involved in a a number of good attacking
moves up the right wing as well as being
LAST FRIDAY NIGHT 14 people from the
Mountain Walking Club climbed into a
very tightly packed minibus, and drove to
Exmoor (North Devon). Due to President
Jamie’s excellent map reading we arrived
just about when we expected to arrive in
Exmoor. However, the precise location of
the camping barn where we were staying
remained a mystery. It was decided that
it’s most likely location was just up a road,
which squeezed between a pub and the house
next door. The gap between the houses was
exactly 6 foot, 6 inches wide, and the road
was up a steep hill. The minibus is exactly
6 foot five inches wide. Over the course
of the weekend Evan managed to perfect
the art of driving the minibus through the
gap, such that by Sunday he barely had to
solid in defence as ever. In what was her
last game of the season, our centre forward
Linda was unfortunate not to score, having a
good game up front and hitting the post with
a half volley. Linda is off to Gran Canaria on
placement and will be sorely missed in our
final game of the season against league
Mountain walkers take a trip to Exmoor
slow down, as long as the left wing mirror
was retracted. After some small adventures,
we found where we were supposed to be
staying, which was useful because it was
getting a bit late at night. The camping barn
was awesome with a wood fire and a kitchen
of sorts.
On Saturday morning we woke up early,
cooked a fine greasy breakfast, and headed
for the coastal path from Minehead to
Porlock. Mike1 and Mike2 used every
opportunity to find the perfect hill for
downhill survival bag racing, although it
was found that the hills in Exmoor are not
optimal for downhill survival bag racing,
because Exmoor grass has too much friction.
Lake District grass is much better! (Survival
Bag racing is a sport in which requires only
two things, a giant red bin bag known as a
survival bag, and a suitable grassy slope
without many rocks. At this point people
climb into the survival bags and slide
down the slope at stupidly high speeds with
minimal control over direction.)
Litao managed to take his standard quota of
300 photos a day. I think he’s secured his
position as official club photographer!
The pebble beach in Porlock provided much
amusement for those with any energy left.
Everyone else rested while Mike2 and Jamie
played Mugabe Cricket. A fairly impressive
pub dinner followed shortly after the walk,
during which impressive amounts of ale
23
leaders Reading.
This win takes us to third in the BUSA
league, with our final game next week. We’ll
have to raise our game against Reading, but
we’re going to go into it feeling confident
and more than capable of causing an upset
- bring it on!
were consumed in honour of Jamie’s first
trip as president. To complete the evening
Mike2 and Jamie challenged the local posse
of underage drinkers in the local pub to a
pool match. This was concluded with a 1-1
score, much to the amusement of the locals,
since this was possibly the most exciting
thing that had happened in Exmoor all year.
I’m sure they’ll be telling stories of how
they gloriously defeated “those strangers
from London” in a few days.
Saturday night was somewhat warmer than
Friday night due to Marianne’s efforts to
keep the fire burning in the wood stove.
Good weather prevailed, and a slightly less
strenuous, but still highly enjoyable walk
to “Tarr steps” was undertaken on Sunday.
The search for the footbridge with which we
could cross the river continued all afternoon.
Unfortunately the OS map was incorrect,
and there was no bridge. Eventually a route
across the river was found, and walking
could continue.
Sadly we then had to drive back to
Guildford, and return to Monday morning
reality. Reality can be softened however
with the knowledge that it’s not too long
until the next MWS trip, so check out the
website www.mountainwalking.org for
more details, or come to one of our weekly
meetings on Wednesday lunchtimes 1pm in
the teaching block foyer. Email: mountainw
alking@surrey.ac.uk
24 20 February 2003

Men’s basketball take home 9-1 record for season
THE UNIS MEN’S Basketball Club can
relate to Queen’s hit song for the second
consecutive year, following an impressive
regular season counting 9 wins and 1 defeat.
The year 2003 could hardly have started in
a better way as the Surrey Basketball Club
wished their Roehampton counterparts
‘Happy New Year’ with a fitting 46-
point difference win in January. Despite
their captain’s absence due to injury, the
team’s ‘usual suspects’ Billy, George, and
Anthony proved to be in high spirits that
evening. Roehampton’s class on how to play
basketball was completed with an equally
impressive performance by the rest of the
Surrey team; Mike, Maurice, Petros, Alie,
Antonis, Ali and Pete. The final score was
105-59.
The following Wednesday Surrey played
host to Kingston. Over-boosted by their
earlier victory over Roehampton, Surrey
found it hard to dominate the game, barely
maintaining a 6-point lead throughout most
of the 4 quarters. However, a crucial basket
in the last minute, followed by some good
defending and yet another basket, sealed
Surrey’s 8th win, this time with a score of
76-72.
SURREY PRIDE
BY STEPH GERMENIS
University of Surrey 105
Roehampton 59
University of Surrey 76
Kingston 72
University of Surrey 93
South Bank 70
The regular season’s last game brought
Surrey face-to-face with South Bank
University; the only team to have beaten
Surrey this season. Despite the fact that
‘revenge’ was the only thought going
through the players’ minds, the London team
arrived with a squad of only six players,
clearly indicating that the season was for
them already over and that 3rd place is
good enough. Billy continued his 3-pointer
row from the previous game, Antonis
and Maurice dominated the ‘paint’, while
Anthony, Steph and George, supported by
Mike, Petros and Ali completed the job. The
much anticipated close game quickly turned
into practice-time, as Surrey overran South
Bank and claimed their 9th win with a score
of 93-70.
As per usual, the team’s playoff games
will be held on Wednesday afternoons at
UniSport. For more details, look out for
posters around campus, or contact Steph at Above: a UniS player tries to block the ball as an opponent shoots durng a recent
li92sg@surrey.ac.uk. home match at the sports centre. For full details, see reports on left.

Women’s waterpolo win tough battle with Swansea University

Above: the women’s waterpolo team,
continuing their recent run of form with a
victory over Swansea
Sports writers and
match reports
If you are interested in writing
sports articles for barefacts or if
you have a sports story/match
report, then please email our new
sports editor, Eddison Ruswa on
ce21er@surrey.ac.uk
THE UNIVERSITY OF Surrey Women’s water
polo team, that consists of experienced
players, part of the golden team that reached
the BUSA semi-finals in 2000 and 2001,
together with new players that have brought
plenty of enthusiasm to the team, is back to
triumph.
Earlier this year, the team showed
its potential by beating Southampton
University in the home leg of the
preliminary round of the BUSA shield. A
month later on 17 November, University
of Surrey established its dominance over
Southampton by repeating the triumph in
the away match. Both matches won 7-3.
Since then, challenges have risen and the
team has confronted some of the country’s
best women’s water polo teams in the
Southern Counties league where it has won
the admiration of all for its strength, team
spirit and determination. Last Wednesday
(12 February) the team faced its latest
challenge in the BUSA shield against
Swansea University.
From the starting whistle, Surrey
University of Surrey
Swansea
immediately stifled the opposition with
an aggressive full-pitch press, and when
Swansea did get a shot on goal, Tennille
Haygarth was there to deny them.
Certainly on recent performances Tennille
is establishing herself as one of the best
University goalkeepers in the country. In
attack, Mariana Chatzipanagou continued
her rich vein of scoring and settled team
nerves with two well taken goals.
In the second quarter Swansea came out
fighting (literally) and it was no surprise to
see Elena “nails of” Steele at the forefront
of Surrey’s retaliation. On this occasion,
however, Elena (a.k.a. Scratch) came out
worse for ware and had to leave the water
temporarily to nurse her injury. Spyridoula
Ntani scored a beauty for 3-0 but Surrey
missed Elena’s presence and by half time
a Swansea revival was indicated by the 3-1
score line.
9 The home crowd sensed a come back and
2 vociferously egged on their team during
the half time interval. From the re-start the
violence in the pool continued but Mariana
was quick to extinguish Swansea’s hope with
three spell bounding goals. This inspired her
entire team and not least fresher Jo Hingley,
who after having one goal disallowed,
shrugged off the attention of two Swansea
defenders to net a fine debut goal in BUSA
competition.
Surrey was now cruising and further goals
by Susan King and Mariana in the fourth
quarter sealed an awesome 9-2 victory.
Tennille supplied wine for the journey home
and the players reflected on a job well done.
They are now just two games away from
the final and their quest continues with the
visit of Plymouth University on Monday
17 February. The match starts at 9PM at
the Spectrum Leisure Centre and a limited
number of tickets are still available.
barefacts@ussu.co.uk