Issue 1080 10 09 04

relive the highlights of

your summer...

celebrate the launch of

Rubix...

distract yourself from

study...

... all in your new

fortnightly
barefacts!
 contents
2 The new year brings some new developments...
6 Neil Christie summarizes the summer that was 2004
9 Try something new this year... get volunteering
10 Another year, another bout of elections
13 Happy 2nd birthday DAVE
15 Paul Canning reveals a new national phobia
16 Ben Supper exposes the humble mortarboard
20 Music reviews albums, singles and the festivals
25 Literature checks out some escapist fiction
26 Film reviews the holiday blockbusters
28 GU2 returns to the airwaves
30 Computers needn’t be all work, work, work
32 Amy Price introduces the Alumni Office
33 Russ Clark helps stave off career panic
35 the barefacts crossword returns
36 Sport gets ready for the year ahead
37 barefacts bids farewell to a Union legend
the barefacts team
Editor-in-chief: Catherine Lee
Editor: Neil Christie
News Editor: position vacant
Sports Editor: Pete Nichols
Music Editors: Jon Allen and Dina Mystris
Film Editor: Neil Boulton
Literature Editor: Arvind Virdee
GU2 Press Officer: Jay Butcher
Contributors: Matt Adams, Hash Alsaidi, Matt Badcock, Paul Canning,
Russ Clark, Scott Farmer, David ‘Paintbrush’ Glossop, Sophie Ham-
monds, Piers Karsenbarg, Ben Lee, Carol Main, Folarin Oyeleye,
Simon Pearson, Amy Price, Mark Richardson, Ben Supper, Peter
Wigfield
1
editorial
So... the first issue of barefacts this year. You
may have noticed it’s changed rather since
the last edition. Change for change’s sake is
never a particularly good idea, and changing
the longstanding tradition of barefacts as a
tabloid newspaper was a hard decision to
take. However, having spoken to many of
you during campaigning it became clear that
barefacts needed a facelift of sorts.
Its reduction to a fortnightly publication comes
from the realisation that as a weekly paper, it
not only demanded continuous attention and
resources from the VP Comms but also left
regular contributors with little time between
editions to fully research features and news
items. By going to print every other week, the
opportunity exists not only for more extensive
journalistic reporting to be undertaken
by the editorial team, but also for a wider
range of articles to be collated from different
constituent members and the possibility for
more ambitious design formats, both in terms
of editorial time available and also through
the redistribution of budget resources. Such
a proposal was put to all continuing members
of the editorial team, as well as a selection
of other students from varying courses and
years, and met with almost unanimous
approval.
Radical change maybe, but a change that
I feel confident will enable myself and the
editorial team to ensure that barefacts
remains an efficient communication tool
for as many of you as possible in the years
ahead. It will also enable me to strengthen
the other existing Union media tools - namely
the website (www.ussu.co.uk) and our award-
winning radio station GU2 – to most effectively
keep you informed of the latest news and
developments both on campus and in the
local area.
In order for me to best achieve this, I look
forward to hearing your opinions and welcome
all constructive feedback: either e-mail me at
comms@ussu.co.uk or pop in and see me in
the Media Centre.
I wish you all a fantastic year
Catherine
 2 news barefacts@ussu.co.uk
All change please, all change...
Who are
they??
You may have noticed
some new faces around
the Union since you’ve
arrived back on campus
- it’s your new Sabbatical
team!
After three weeks of
handover training, on Monday 28th June, the new Sabbatical
team at the Students’ Union took office. The new team
comprises of the following students: Hashim Alsaidi (President),
Catherine Lee (Vice-President Communications), Ewan Panter
(Vice-President Education and Welfare), Simon Nutbrown (Vice-
President Societies and Culture), David Glossop (Vice-President
Sports) and Rachel Appleyard (Vice-President Postgraduate
Affairs).
Over the summer, the Officers have been busy laying foundations
for projects they intend to carry out over the course of their
tenure. High on the agenda are the development of a five-year
strategic plan to ensure the continued prosperity of the Union in
the years ahead, and the implementation of a Student Charter,
ensuring that Student Rights are recognised and upheld across
all academic departments. Come along to the AGM on 1pm
onThursday 23rd September on the plaza and pick up the next
copy of barefacts for more detailed information on their vision for
2004/5.
The position of Vice-President Postgraduate Affairs promises
to be particularly exciting. It is the first time the Students’ Union
has appointed a representative for postgraduates at this level.
Furthermore, as one of the first Students’ Unions in the UK to
employ an Officer specific to this field, the role highlights the
pioneering and progressive mindset of the Union here at Surrey.
words: catherine lee
10 09 04
What have they
done??
Well I’ll tell you. We have finally done what our venue
needed: given it a name. Now you might be saying to
yourself what venue and what name. Well as a lot of you
know the Union building houses a very large nightclub
that for years has always been referred to as the “Union”
by Surrey students. Now as you can imagine this has
caused the Students’ Union some issues with how
it markets itself and how it develops its membership
services in the future. So through consultation with the
staff at USSU, it was decided that the nightclub needed
its own name and its own logo and marketing.
So that’s why we have done it but what did we call it?
Well the process was long and exhaustive. It started
with everyone running off and coming up with names.
“The Stag” and the “Bomb Shelter” were not received
well (which was upsetting as they were my particular
favourites...) but as we all know majority rules in our
democratic society, so it was put to a vote. A long list
was drawn up of the best names proposed. The list was
emailed to all the staff and they selected the favourite
five names. From this a short list was drawn up (I think
you see where this is going...). After a couple of weeks
of uncertainty and turmoil it came. The vote was in. The
name had been selected; a collective anticipation was
felt. The announcement came at 5:36pm on the 13th July
2004 the University of Surrey Students’ Union nightclub
was to here by be called “RUBIX” winning the vote by a
slender majority.
Rubix came as a surprise but it has been received really
well. I for one really like it. Some of you might not, some
of you will always call the it the other name. But hey as
Shakespeare once wrote (showing my sensitive side
here) “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by
any other name would smell as sweet;” not that Rubix has
ever really smelt that sweet. The thing is its our nightclub
and its what we make of it so lets enjoy it. Besides, the
name change has given us the perfect excuse to have
a launch party. Yeah that’s right we are going to have a
big event before the Freshers get here. On Friday 17th
September we launch Rubix, with all the tradition that

goes into a good launch party.
So come and be entertained by
Shapeshifters and the rest of the
line up as we celebrate our new
arrival !!
Now that that has been cleared
up you probably want to know
what else has been going since
you left us. Well we went on a hunt and did some thinking
and we now have three new major additions to the Union
Building (Rubix).
In no particular order we have introduced :-
The computer shop has come to the
Union building. Mr Moh has set up
shop in our building. You can’t miss
“Campus Computers” - they are
situated just a bit further up the hill
from the Students’ Union entrance or
round the corner when you come in
through the Rubix entrance. Campus
Computers can meet all your computer needs at great
prices. Come in and see what he has offer.
At last we have some
oriental food on campus!
Young’s Kitchen is opening
on the 13th September 2004
and will serve Thai, Chinese, Japanese and Korean Cuisine.
Young’s is open 9am-4pm Monday to Friday and 10am-3pm
Saturday in the Helen Rose Bar (HRB).
letters 3
Dear barefacts,
Welcome to Guildford!! A thousand
students live in Park Barn and
Westborough Estates- that’s one in ten
residents. There is a community charity
here called Community Works and we have
an appeal to make to students living on our
estates: even though you may only be with us
for a couple of years please think of Park Barn as
your home. We welcome the vibrancy and fun that
students bring to an area. You, the students, are one
of our most valuable resources.
That means treating it like your home town or village
though. There is so much potential for all for you to
help us transform our estate. Anyone who has read
or seen “The Motorcyle Diaries” will understand what
I mean. This could be time for your to broaden your
horizons, (and your c.v’s).
Please come and get involved: get to know your
neighbours, recycle your waste, use the bus, but most
of all GET INVOLVED SOCIALLY! Through Carol
Main at the USSU V-Project and through Community
Works, you can help out with the local Youth Cafe,
help us build a new local park, write or edit our local
paper, work at the Day Centre or with Kids groups and
playschemes or come up to the local allotments. We
can help you think up and start brand new projects or
campaigns because for you the sky is the limit.

Considering that hot drinks Thanks- and good kuck with your study (...and go see
are the staple diet for most that movie!)
of the world it is a bit unfair
that we have only tried a ANDY TRENIER
small proportion of what is on offer. Harubix aims to fix that. Community Worker, Communityworks
Offering Arabic Chai, Chinese Green Tea, Frappes and a Park Barn and Westborough
whole host of international delicacies. Harubix is upstairs in
Rubix at Haris bar and is open 10am-5pm everyday.

As you can see we have been doing loads over the summer
but that’s not it, oh no. We have also installed three yes
three lifts to make the building disabled access. The lifts are Letters must be received by 12pm on the Friday before
for wheelchairs and not for lazy drinkers to get from bar to the publication of the next issue to be included. Email
bar so no playing on them. Last but not least we have had a barefacts@ussu.co.uk, with “Letters” in the message
new floor put in on the balcony area and given the box office title please!
a lick of paint.

There is more but you have to have some stuff to discover
or there is no fun.
Have a great year hope you like all the changes we have
made. There is loads more to come over the year so watch
this space!
words: hash alsaidi, president
Before you start thumbing through frantically in search
of the personals, unfortunately there aren’t any this is-
sue. We’ll blame the summer vacation since we know
we can rely on you to get submitting messages (espe-
cially once you’ve been to Rubix a few times...) so you
know the score: email us at barefacts@ussu.co.uk, with
“personals” in the message subject field!
4 news
Do the Tories
have the
answer?
It looks like the battle lines have been
drawn in the continued saga over tuition
fees. The Conservative party have finally
unveiled their plans for higher education
should they get elected next spring. The
Tories are basically planning to abolish
all tuition fees and make students
pay back the money afterwards from
graduate earnings. They plan to pay
for this by removing students’ access to
low-rate loans and charge a commercial
rate of interest instead - as much as 8%.
Currently this rate is held in line with
interest rates at 2.6%.
The abolishing fees will deprive
universities of income, but the
Conservatives say they will counter this
by transferring the so-called Student
Loan Book, the debt and interest owed
by all students, from the Treasury to the
universities to manage.
The Tories calculate this would allow
universities to raise some £20bn over the
next 20 years and give them an up-front
injection of capital.
Their scheme would also claw back the
“very large public subsidy” proposed by
the government to pay for top-up fee
remission for poorer students.
However, Labour claim this scheme will
leave both students and Universities out
of pocket. Higher education minister,
Alan Johnson said the Tory proposals
would “not be based in any way on the
ability to pay” stating that the Tories
will reduce the grants given to poorer
students’.
This issue will undoubtedly be used as a
key vote winner in forthcoming elections.
Reports show that total outstanding
student debt in the UK rose 18.7% to just
over £14.6bn last year and this can only
be expected to rise as a result of the top-
up fees expected in 2006.
barefacts@ussu.co.uk
Read the summaries of the policies of
three main parties below. They give a
brief overview of the different proposals
and may help you make an informed
choice as to who to support. It is an
issue that affects all students and it
is important that you make your voice
heard to ensure to ensure you receive
the very best experience and education
for the money you pay.
Labour
Variable tuition fees of up to £3,000 a
year, covered by loans.
Grants for poorer students of up to
£2,700.
Student loans at inflation-only interest
rate.
Loans repayable from graduate
earnings.
Conservative
Scrap all tuition fees.
Retain grants for poorer students.
Bigger student loans at commercial
interest rate.
Repayable from graduate earnings.
Liberal Democrat
Scrap all tuition fees.
Grants of up to £2,000 a year for
poorer students.
Treat full-time and part-time students
equally.
Student loans at inflation-only interest
rate.
New 50% income tax for earnings over
£100,000.
words: Hash Alsaidi
10 09 04
STUDENT RADIO HIT
BY CASH CRISIS
GU2, the student radio station of the
University of Surrey, will return to
broadcasting on 1350 AM/MW from
the early morning of the 6th September
2004 despite serious funding issues in
the world of Student Radio. GU2 has
already become a hive of activity weeks
before the start of the new autumn
semester due to serious changes in
funding sources following the liquidation
of SBN, Student Broadcast Network, by
its parent company Campus Media plc.
SBN provided GU2 with advice, hourly
news services, training and regular
funding throughout the past 4 years. It
was through this funding that GU2 was
able to move into purpose-built studios
in 2000, and broadcast to the entirety of
the student campus on AM throughout
the academic year and provide a month
on FM during the spring semester.
Nathan Whitaker, manager at the
University of Surrey station GU2 in
Guildford, said the news had come as a
surprise. “It came as a bit of a shock but
we were always quite concerned about
a company that was offering this much
money and such a good service - it
sounded too good to be true.”
Various other organisations are
currently investigating providing a
replacement service for SBN as up to
50 student radio stations around the
UK are currently facing uncertainty.
However, Nathan continues “we are
going to try and go it alone for the first
term by finding sponsors and doing our
own local advertising. It takes a lot of
time to pursue though.”
The Students’ Union are currently
working with the GU2 Committee to
secure that the station moves forward
this year. Plans include investigating
the possibility of broadcasting on FM
throughout the year, and the production
of media packs to attract local
sponsorship.
To find out how you can get involved
in GU2 this year, check out pages 28
and 29!
words: jay butcher and catherine lee

BROADBAND BREAKTHROUGH
Now this may just be another
rumour, but I’ve heard that
broadband has actually been
installed over the summer. Is this
right?
Umm, not quite, although it is in the
process of being installed.
Great! When will it be ready?
That largely depends
on where you’re living
this year. The university
has a schedule of works
drawn up which will see
those courts furthest from
campus (i.e. Hazel Farm
and Bellerby) being wired
up first. Once those are
done, the Millennium and International
houses will then be wired up, followed
by University Court, Stag Hill, Surrey
and Battersea. If you happen to
be living in Guildford, Cathedral or
Twyford court then I’m afraid you’re
going to be last ones to be hooked
up. It’s anticipated that 75% of the
3400 rooms should be done by
the end of the Christmas holidays,
with all the rooms having access to
broadband by the end of
January 2005.
Well I never thought
I’d see the day. Why’s
it taken so long?
There were a number of
issues that caused the
delay, but the main one was that
UniS simply haven’t been able to
afford it until recently.
Uni$ couldn’t afford it? Are you
serious?
Yes, perfectly. The last time the
university looked at installing
broadband into the residences was
in 1999 when the present ntl phone
network was put in. Network points
and cabling for broadband were
installed at the same time, (ever
noticed that other white box on your
wall?) but a vast amount of money
had been spent on the phone system
and so UniS decided against buying
the necessary equipment to provide the
residences with broadband access.
Recently however, the university has
been doing a lot of work on the future
of the residences, and the issue of
providing a broadband service has once
again been brought to the fore. Key
decisions were made at the end of last
year / start of this
year, and ever since
then UniS have been
working hard to find a
suitable service.
Ah, I see. So what
did they decide
upon?
Well, the university has a very good
facility in the form of the JANet (Joint
Academic Network) service, so the
decision was taken that UniS would own
and operate its own broadband service
using the spare bandwidth on JANet.
What’s happening to ntl then?
They’ll be continuing to provide their
current system until at least 2007 (when
the contract for the
phone network is up
for renewal), but will
however have little to
do with the provision
of broadband to the
residences. They will
of course still own
the cables that the
system will use, but the university will
have full control of all the technical and
operational aspects of the system.
I have to say that this all sounds
very good… what’s the catch?
There isn’t one as far as I can see. You
won’t be able to use any external P2P
(peer to peer) services such as KaZaa,
but there will be options for networking
between rooms that include file sharing,
playing networked games and using
instant messaging software amongst
other things. More details of the do’s and
don’ts of the new system are detailed in
an acceptable use policy that UniS has
news 5
drawn up, although
it’s all pretty much
common sense.
So how much
is this going to
cost me? Can I
opt out if I can’t
afford it?
Err, not really. You
could always not
plug your computer
into the network, but
the cost of the new service has been built
into recent and future rent increases, so
there’s really not a lot of point in doing
that. The university is forecasting that
upwards of 75% of the student population
living on campus will use the new system,
so in order to increase the simplicity of
its operation they have spread the cost
across all the rooms.
Doesn’t seem very fair if you’d
prefer a reduced rent instead of
high-speed internet access?
It isn’t if you think of it like that, but
broadband is increasingly coming
‘as standard’ in most university
accommodation up and down the
country, so it made sense to include it
in the general cost of a room. Think of it
like a bed. You may choose not to use it
during your time on campus, but you still
have to pay for it.
I suppose I can live with that.
You’ve been very helpful, but is
there anywhere I can get updated
information on how the installation
is progressing?
Sure. Check out the Accommodation
Services page at http://portal.surrey.ac.uk/
accommodation/resnet for updates. You
can also find a copy of the acceptable
use policy on there if you want to check
want you going to be able to do / not do
words: matt adams
 we know what you
did last summer... do
you?
If you were busy working over the summer and were in too late
to catch the news and didn’t have time for newspaper reading,
then a quick overhaul of the summer may be needed – you
wouldn’t want to feel left out when talking about who won what
at the Quick TV awards would you?! Much credit should be
given to BBC’s website and theregister (as well as websites
that copy material from these sources!) for this flashback.
By far the biggest highlight of the summer was the 2004
Olympics. Held in Athens, the Greeks managed to get all the
building work finished for what was to be a good result for
Team GB, and one of the more interesting Olympics to date.
As a quick general fact file - These Games
broke many records. Athens hosted
11,099 athletes, the largest number ever
and also the most women athletes ever.
Representatives of 202 countries took
part, more than any other sport event. The
Olympic flame traveled for the first time to
all continents. Shot Put was held in Olympia
and women competed there for the first time.
More specifically, you may be wondering how Team GB did. Here’s
the medal winners (see next column) – more info on each can be found
at http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/olympics_2004/3609588.stm
A few other highlights – Paula Radcliffe was tipped as our biggest
hope for a guaranteed gold but failed to finish both her events,
Kelly Holmes stepped up to become the most interviewed female
of the post-Olympic period, Amir Khan became the youngest
medal winner at the modern Olympics at 17 years of age, and the
Swimming team were generally a bit of a let down. Despite the
overall ‘GB Success’, the sporting powers that be are looking into
analysing the results with a view to “must to better” in the future.
Carrying on the sport – Arsenal are setting records for the longest
unbeaten run in the Premiership and look like the team to beat, Man
Utd have signed Wayne Rooney in a very expensive deal but lag
behind on the points table, and Newcastle have recently replaced
Bobby Robson with Graham Souness as their manager.
Match of the Day has made a return to the TV on Saturday nights
– so for all the footy fans’ girlfriends, it may well be a barren time for
you all.
Following on with a bit of a TV
update, Junior Mastermind hit our
screens for the first time this year.
The winner was a James Bond
nut with a keen interest and vast
knowledge of Volkswagen Beetles.
From Cardiff, Daniel Parker (at 11
years old) won the competition.
GOLD - NINE
1 Leslie Law - Eventing mixed individual
2 Shirley Robertson, Sarah Webb, Sarah Ayton -
Sailing women’s Yngling class
3 Chris Hoy - Cycling 1km time trial
4 Ben Ainslie - Finn class sailing
5 Matthew Pinsent, James Cracknell, Ed Coode, Steve
Williams - Coxless fours rowing
6 Bradley Wiggins - Cycling 4km individual pursuit
7 Kelly Holmes - 800m
8 Kelly Holmes - 1500m
9 Jason Gardener, Darren Campbell, Marlon Devonish,
Mark Lewis-Francis - 4x100m relay
SILVER - NINE
1 Peter Waterfield, Leon Taylor - Synchronised 10m
platform diving
2 Pippa Funnell, William Fox-Pitt, Leslie Law, Mary
King, Jeanette Brakewell - Mixed team eventing
3 Gail Emms, Nathan Robertson - Badminton mixed
doubles
4 Campbell Walsh - K1 kayak slalom
5 Katherine Grainger, Cath Bishop - Coxless pairs
rowing
6 Nick Rogers, Joe Glanfield - 470 class sailing
7 Alison Mowbray, Debbie Flood, Frances Houghton,
Rebecca Romero - Coxless quadruple sculls
8 Steve Cummings, Paul Manning, Bradley Wiggins,
Rob Hayles, Chris Newton, Bryan Steel - Cycling team
pursuit
9 Amir Khan - Lightweight boxing
BRONZE - TWELVE
1 Stephen Parry - 200m butterfly
2 Pippa Funnell - Eventing mixed individual
3 Helen Reeves - K1 kayak slalom
4 Alison Williamson - Individual 70m archery
5 Kelly Sotherton - Heptathlon
6 Sarah Winckless, Elise Laverick - Double sculls
rowing
7 David Davies - 1500m freestyle
8 Nick Dempsey - Windsurfing Mistral
9 Chris Draper, Simon Hiscocks - 49er class sailing
10 Georgina Harland - Modern pentathlon
11 Bradley Wiggins, Rob Hayles - Cycling madison
12 Ian Wynne - K1 500m kayak
Parkinson returned to our screens after going to ITV,
following a bit of a fall-out regarding the re-scheduling of
his show because of the Match of the Day return.
Michael Parkinson’s ITV chat show debut with star
guest, Hollywood actor Tom Cruise, pulled in an
audience of 5.7 million people on Saturday night. But
the show, which also featured comic Billy Connolly, lost
out to BBC One news, which drew an audience of 6.3
million between 2145 and 2205 BST.

Onto the Soap Awards - Coronation Street won the best
soap title at last Monday’s TV Quick Awards, beating rival
EastEnders who have taken the top award for the past three
years. Ant McPartlin and Declan Donnelly walked away
with the best entertainment show award for Ant and Dec’s
Saturday Night Takeaway for the second consecutive year.
The best loved drama award went to The Bill, beating Bad
Girls which has won for the past four years.
A few technical highlights, mostly in the shape of the fight
against illegal material.
BT were accused of
being able to identify
those users looking at
illegal content on the
internet. They insisted
it was speculation, but
after their Cleanfeed Web filtering system became active a
call has been put to request an independent analysis of their
system, due to concerns that “the data might be giving a
misleading picture of the scale of Internet child abuse”.
Vodafone’s new mobile content filtering system, designed
to stop children accessing illegal Web content with their
mobiles, raises more questions than it answers.
In January the major UK operators agreed to implement
a content filtering system, with an independent body in
place to rate content, by the end of the year. Vodafone
has launched its filtering system five months early. Some
Vodafone users say they have been unable to access
corporate email - Vodafone’s Blackberry service was
apparently disrupted for a time. Access to pornography,
however, does not appear to have been universally
restricted.
On the subject of illegal material, at least 16 civil servants
have been sacked and more than 200 disciplined over
the downloading of internet porn in the office. Staff at the
Department for Work and Pensions are believed to have
called up 2.3 million pages of pornographic material over
eight months. These are said to include 18,000 images
(that’s an average of 2 pictures per person per week).
The new download chart has been unveiled – it’s listed at
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/chart/top40/download.shtml
Essentially these are for paid downloads, and many in the
music industry are calling this system a greater indication
of the most popular music around, as well as accepting the
improvement over free downloading via Peer2Peer sharing
networks (Kazaa Lite, for example).
Of course, the summer saw the usual festivals – Glastonbury,
Leeds, Reading etc. As a result of Glastonbury, you can
now buy mud from the festival on Ebay if you didn’t get the
chance to be there. Other news, on a different note, resulted
in the father of Muse drummer Dominic Howard sadly dying
after watching Muse perform at the festival. His death is
not being treated as suspicious. Reading was also a great
overview 7
affair, this quick survey from the BBC website:
Which headliner rocked most?
69% Green Day
13% The Darkness
17% The White Stripes
Total votes: 2023
And to all those at Glastonbury - well done. With 150,000
people on the site in total, police said 278 crimes had been
reported by Monday morning - compared with 466 at the
same point in 2003.
Now for the random news that may well be of some interest
- UK house prices fell by 0.6% in August from the previous
month, says Halifax, the UK’s biggest mortgage lender.
The fall was the first since August 2002. However, house
prices are still 21.3% higher (!) than a year ago.
Last Wednesday, a survey from the Nationwide showed
house prices rising at their slowest rate for three years.
Perhaps good news for those graduating in a couple of
years time!
In the movies, Michael Moore
plans to enter Fahrenheit 9/11
as best picture, rather than best
documentary, at the Academy
Awards. The film, which slams
President George W Bush’s
war on terror, has become the
highest grossing documentary.
– first to pass $100m mark in
US history.
Biblical epic The Passion of the Christ sold 4.1 million DVD
copies on its first day of release in the US. Fox Home
Entertainment said that the film, directed by Mel Gibson,
was the best-selling R-rated film of all time.
In the arts, experimental artist Yoko Ono is set to recreate
one of her best-known works 40 years after its debut, as
part of a London exhibition. She will recreate Cut Piece,
renamed Whisper Piece, as part of Tate Britain’s Art and the
60s season.
Finally, proof that old habits die hard for us students. Almost
half of Britain’s children admit to not reading a single book
outside school hours, according to research
recently published. The survey, commissioned
by the Prince of Wales Arts & Kids Foundation,
asked over 100 children aged 7 to 14 what
their favourite activities were outside school.
Reading a book came fourth.
words: neil christie, editor
 www.ussu.co.uk/volunteering
VOLUNTEERING 9
It’s Time To Get Involved – Try Something New!

‘The V Project’ is UniS’/USSU’s project for all

students and staff to help you to settle into Uni life,
meet, learn from and maybe even help new people
– on campus or in the local community! As well as
having loads of fun it just so happens that you will
also be equipped with amazing and very valuable
life skills! It’s all free too. In fact, even your travel
expenses are covered and you will be officially thanked
in a groovy awards ceremony at the end of the year. Last
year we awarded a amazing 147 people! What more could
you want?!

Volunteering…maybe you want to carry on with something

that you have been doing over the summer or before Uni, or
take up something brand spanking new? Now is your chance!
There are literally hundreds of opportunities – so you can find
something that suits your personal needs and desires!

I also have a email database – just get in touch to be added

and get new opportunities straight to your inbox! – easy
peasy!
Basically:

1. ‘Community Volunteering’ – get involved in your local community by volunteering

at an exciting project/ charity/ organisation in the local community – I am currently
especially looking for a newsletter editor (to help produce a newsletter 4 times a
year) – please just get in touch for more details!

2. ‘The A Team’ – take part in/ lead various one off events to benefit the local
community – last year events ranged from an exhilarating ‘Battle of the Bands’,
creating a new pond at a local school, and helping run a fashion show for ‘Save
The Children!’

3. Club/ Society Committee Members – you are volunteers! All you have to do to
get your snazzy certificate at the end of the year is tell me who you are and what
you do - simple!

I hope to hear from you soon!

Contact Carol Main at c.main@surrey.ac.uk or

on 01483 683254.

Societies and Sports Club AGMS

Windband | Monday 13th September | GM room | 7pm

Tenpin Bowling | Thursday 16th September | Activities Centre | 6pm
LibDem | Friday 17th September | GM room | 7pm
ChemSoc | Tuesday 21st September 2004 | GM room | 1pm
Economics | Friday 24th September 2004 | GM room | tbc
Squash Club | Monday 27th September 2004 | GM room | 5pm
Tae Kwondo | Monday 27th September 2004 | UniSport Studio | 7pm
Afro-Caribbean | Tuesday 28th September 2004 | LT A | 6pm
Windsurf | Tuesday 28th September 2004 | GM room | 5pm
10 elections barefacts@ussu.co.uk 10 09 04

Hash Alsaidi, Union President urges you to run for office and help drive the Union forward...

It seems like only last week I was elected President and yet it is some 5 months ago and now I am asking you to
consider doing the same. We are searching for the 9 people to help us form the Union executive plus a further 12
people to run for either NUS Delegate or be apart of the Constitution and Elections Committee. All of these positions
are absolutely vital and enable to Students’ Union to represent its members effectively throughout the year. Without
these positions in place we fail the core aim of our Union.

As a group of students we find ourselves in a unique position. Very few have the opportunity to take a hold of 12,000
member organisation and a £3 million business providing a range of representational and member driven services as
well as being able to link into a national network of over 5 million people.

This year the sabbatical team want to move the union at an incredible pace, developing a vision for the future so that
all our members can benefit from the services and representation we provide. This work can only be done with the
help of a strong executive. We need people who have ideas about how the union can best position itself to support its
members today and into the future.

I want you to consider putting yourself in for these elections whether you have been here for 3 years or 3 days. Think
about it. If you want to talk about it then please contact me on president@ussu.co.uk or tel: (01483) 689227. Failing
that you will see me in and around the union day and night!

words: hash alsaidi, president

Union Executive Posts

Union Chairperson
The Union Chair, as its title hints, chairs all Union Council
meetings. The Chair works as the mediator within Council
and must stay impartial throughout. The Chair has an
important role in making sure there is balanced conversation
throughout Council. An important part of the Chairs job is
publicising Union Council to make sure as many people as
possible participate. The fact of the matter is that the more
people that turn out, the more of a diverse conversation will
be had and the view reached will represent what the Students
as a whole feel. As part of the publicising of Council, the
Chairs job is to ensure that the meetings agendas, papers
and minutes are all displayed appropriately. The Union Chair
is also responsible for interpretation of the Constitution with
support from the Constitution and Elections Committee.
Culture & Events Officer
This Officer has the exciting role of working closely with the
Union Entertainments Department, to help ensure the slick
running of all Union culture and entertainment events. On
the Culture side specifically, the post requires the Officer
to assist the Vice President Societies & Culture to achieve
their objectives relating to culture. In this position the Officer
will also chair the Entertainments & Events Committee
and report all its business to Union Council and the Union
Executive.
Accommodation Officer
The Accommodation Officer represents all students in
campus and off campus accommodation. They must work
closely with the Representation & Welfare Unit to help
achieve their accommodation briefs. In this position the
Officer will also chair the Accommodation Committee and,
as custom, report all its business to Union Council and the
Union Executive.

Academic Affairs Officer

The Academic Affairs Officer represents all students in
terms of their academic course. They must work closely
with the Representation & Welfare Unit to help achieve
their objectives relating to academic affairs. In this position
the Officer will also chair the Academic Affairs Committee
and, of course, report all its business to Union Council and
the Union Executive.
Campaigns Officer
This position is an important one in putting the students’
democratic rights into action. The main part of the role is
to coordinate, publicise and implement campaigns
agreed upon at Union Council. Campaigns hold
most weight when Student numbers back them,
so in this position it is important to encourage
involvement in them. This will include liaising
with Union, local, regional and national
groups relevant to agreed campaigns. The
Campaigns Officer will also work closely with
the Representation & Welfare Unit to achieve
certain goals to do with campaigns. In this post the
Officer will chair the Campaigns Committee and, once
again, will report all its business to Union Council and
the Union Executive.
Union Council Posts
NUS Delegate (7 posts)
You will be the Unions eyes and ears within the
national student movement. Attending the 3
regional conferences during the year as well as
attending the National Conference in March/April.
You will report your actions and the activities of
these conferences to Union Council as well as work
with Council members to formulate policy to take to
National Conference. You may also be required to network
with officers in a similar position at other Students’ Unions
locally and nationally.

Ethics & Equal Opportunities Officer
The Ethics & Equal Opportunities Officer, as its
title implies, represents all students regarding
ethics & equal opportunities. The main job
that the Officer has is to be responsible for
developing, recommending, campaigning for,
and implementing Union policy regarding ethics &
equal opportunities. There are a few other important
roles that the Ethics & Equal Opportunities Officer has and
they are to ensure ethics & equal opportunities issues are
adequately considered in Union Committees and to identify
and eradicate offensive material displayed within the Union.
They must work closely with the Representation & Welfare
Unit to help achieve their ethics & equal opportunities
goals. In this position the Officer will also chair the Ethics &
Equal Opportunities Committee and, as usual, report all its
business to Union Council and the Union Executive.
Placement & Employed Students Officer
This Officer has an awkward but rewarding job representing
all students away on placement as well as those in part
time work. The role requires the Officer to publicise and
promote working student issues to raise awareness and
understanding amongst students. The Placement &
Employed Students Officer must also ensure that working
students and their needs are adequately represented on
Union Committees. A couple of other specific jobs are
that the Officer will oversee the Union’s work regarding
employability skills development and assist with the creation
of the Placement Year Handbook.
Constitution & Elections Committee Member (5
posts)
This committee is responsible for ensuring that all
the rules and procedures of the union make sense
and are as east as possible for people to use. A very
important requirement is to assess whether any new
policies make old policies out of date.
When it comes to elections, the Constitution & Elections
Committee will assist the Returning Officer and their team
in the day to day running of the process and help out in
any way possible. They will also work closely with the
Communications Standing Committee to ensure maximum
awareness of all aspects of elections. One last small job
is that the committee will assist the Union Chairperson to
interpret the Constitution.
For more information about the Elections contact Scott
Farmer, Member Development & Policy Co-ordinator.
Email: s.farmer@surrey.ac.uk
Telephone: 01483 683951

Non-Portfolio Officer x2
These two officers have the unique job of being able to set
their own agenda and manifesto points. Your manifesto will
direct your work within the union during the academic year.
Of course you will have to ensure your manifesto is relevant
to the lives of students to ensure that students want to vote
for you!

You of course, as with the other union officers, have to

report to Student Council and the Union Executive.
 the dave project 13

“With the student training team being in the 2nd year of

full operation they are now in a position to offer over
and above the normal training sessions. We are now
in a position to offer student led facilitation and training
across the university. 2004 will see the project joining
forces with the Post Graduate Association in the running
of a monthly discussion forum entitled “Chatterbox” plus
we are now also able to offer tailor made sessions for
groups looking for that something a little bit different.”

DAVE celebrates its 2nd birthday this month. Senior
Trainer Folarin Oyeleye (Flo) talks to Scott Farmer
and takes a look at DAVE’s progress through its
infancy and urges those of you who have yet to
take a look at DAVE to do so quickly…
Ever since its inception in 2002 we
knew the DAVE Project was going to be
something special. In year one we won
a national training award and last year
we gained corporate recognition with the
sponsorship through Sainsbury’s. We now
have solid backing from the university,
our sponsors, the recognition nationally
and most importantly your involvement
to make DAVE even bigger and better.
Students’ Unions across the country all undertaking
various forms of training. Most concentrate on in-
house training activities like course representatives,
accommodation reps as well as sports and societies
training whilst some will run key skills courses
in partnership with their university or college.
There are at least two sessions each
week with there being three sessions
at peak periods. Scott comments
Currently our approval ratings have gradually
improved over the two years of existence from
78% in year one to 82% in year 2. In Semester 2 we
will also be looking to take on the presentation of
the FUSE programme – Surreys Entrepreneurship
programme entering its 3rd year of operation”

The DAVE Project is unique from any other project on
campus or in the community as it is the only project
where fully trained students run the project. All of the
training team have taken part in and successfully
completed a 3 day course called “Training the
Trainer” which has led them through identifying
what is training, the role of the trainer, accelerated
learning techniques amongst a whole range of skills.
The course, which is run by the National Student
Learning Programme, currently funded by the
National Union of Students, supports over 80
If you think you want to go to one of the sessions and increase
you employability or you think you may even want to join
the DAVE team then I urge you to get involved. In 2004/5
DAVE continues to be the main contributor to the individual
development certification award and will be developing more
interest based as well as study based sessions in partnership
with the University’s Centre for Learning Developments.
For more information about the DAVE Project contact:
Scott Farmer, Member Development & Policy Co-ordinator
via e-mail s.farmer@surrey.ac.uk or tel: 01483 683951
or check out the website: www.thedaveproject.co.uk

Date Time Session Room

Tuesday 14th September 6pm - 9pm Student Activities Essentials Management School
Thursday 16th September 6pm - 9pm Senior Resident Essentials Management School
Tuesday 28 September
th
6pm - 9pm Programme Rep Essentials Management School
Tuesday 12th October 6pm - 9pm Senior Resident Essentials Management School
Wednesday 13 October
th
2pm - 4pm Planning Your Events Union Committee Room
Tuesday 19 October
th
6pm - 8pm Inter Comms Union Committee Room
Wednesday 20th October 2pm - 4pm Making More Time 15 DK 02
Thursday 21 October
st
6pm - 9pm Programme Rep Essentials Management School
Tuesday 26 October
th
6pm - 8pm Working Together TB 12 A
Wednesday 27th October 2pm - 4pm Assert Yourself Union Committee Room
14 opinion
F or a while there’s always
a quick newsflash that
cites the ‘facts’ that oil is going to run out
in the next couple of decades. However,
aren’t we getting close to this time?
When was it meant to be – 2020? 2080?
Who knows – and when the time does
come, what’s going to happen?
Some people are saying that the oil crisis
should be the question on everyone’s
lips. George Bush’s advisor (how
qualified that makes him, I’m not so sure
about) stated in August 2003 that “The
situation is desperate. This is the world’s
biggest serious question”. Why then,
have we not heard much about it?
Periodically we get these jolts of crisis,
but other than that there’s
little other than Beckham’s
latest hairstyle in the
media. Is that because
the oil crisis is a load
of mumbo jumbo, or
because it doesn’t sell
newspapers?
One argument states that
we will never run out of
oil. An economist makes
this bold claim based on
the fact that oil will deplete
to the point where it gets too
expensive for many to buy. At this point,
he argues, there will be alternatives to
oil – and so it will make common sense
to use those cheaper alternatives and
invest in them. This is an interesting idea
– it’s basically stating that oil becomes a
niche commodity for those that can afford
it. Common sense, some would say.
However, this may also show that
Economics is
nothing more than
theoretical rubbish
that isn’t based on
practical relevance.
Common sense,
others would say.
According to other
sources, there
What’s going to happen when the oil runs out?
barefacts@ussu.co.uk
is nothing that can replace
oil. This blows the idea put
forward from this economist
out of the water, as his
reasoning was based around
the fact that ‘other sources of
energy’ will suffice to replace
the uses of oil. Judging from
a limited amount of reading,
it does indeed appear that oil
is irreplaceable as an energy
source that can sustain our
current ways of living.
These sources on our dependency of
oil are quite dramatic, but are backed
by many leading scientists across the
world, so although it could be hysteria,
at least it’s researched hysteria! The
alternatives we have are that get quoted
aren’t viable.
Coal, although theoretically
being able to sustain our
energy uses for around 200
years with its given supply,
is not only dirty and not eco-
friendly, but very difficult to
transport. Coal mining is also
dependent upon oil – so as oil
prices increase, so will coal
prices.
There is also the all-important
measure of ‘Energy Profit Ratio’ – if
you think of oil, one barrel of oil could
extract 100 barrels of oil (back in the
day when water was more expensive
than oil - Texas, USA in case you were
wondering). Currently, oil’s EPR is 10 to
1. Coal’s is currently 8 to 1, but
because of how we’re using it
and how it’s extracted, it will
allegedly be 2 to 1 between
2020-2030. Therefore
despite its abundance, the
world’s supply will be of little
use to us by 2030 as we’d
be putting in more coal to the
methods of extraction than
we’re actually extracting from
the Earth.
Natural gas is also not
10 09 04
an alternative – the
conversion of existing
technology would not only
be very expensive, but
also take a large amount
of existing energy. Gas
doesn’t produce as
many bi-products as oil
can, and transporting
gas in liquified form
is dangerous and
expensive.
Hydrogen is again, not suitable. It
takes more energy to create hydrogen
than it can actually provide. It’s
allegedly so useless, that “Hydrogen
Fuel Cells” should be re-labelled
“Hydrogen Fool Cells”, according to Dr.
Jorg Wing (a clever guy at Chrysler).
Nuclear power is out of the question
– apart from the dangers, the lack of
supply, its limitations and expense,
it would only provide a short-term
solution of 25 years or so at best.
As a trend is emerging, wind,
solar, plant-based fuel, “Thermal
Depolymerization” (TD – which
transforms many kinds of waste into
oil), and ‘free energy’ ideas such as
Cold Fusion also come loaded with
negative aspects. Basically, nothing
can replace oil.
So are all these resources useless?
Are we all going to die? Well from
what I’ve read, it appears that these
resources are not completely useless,
but none are a viable
and complete alternative
to oil. A radical change
of lifestyle and thinking
would have to be
adopted by the entireity
of the world’s population
in order to survive and
it’s unlikely this will
happen anytime soon.
Anything else? Well
my own input is rather
pessimistic about

the whole ‘crisis’. Whilst clearly a
problem to think about, there could
well be possibilities in 50 years’ time
that we can’t even begin to envisage
now.
Think about your grandparents and try
and explain wireless communication
to them. The chances are they won’t
have a clue what you’re talking about.
If someone had told them when
they were wee nippers that in 50
years’ time you would be able to see
someone and speak to them using a
portable device that fits in your hand,
they would have thought you need a
check-in to the local nut house.
So who’s to argue there won’t be a
solution in 50 years’ time? Maybe Mr.
Economist was right and theory will
come good, it’s one of those infamous
“to be continued” scenarios.
Are we all going to die? Of course
– sometime; but we have to live first.
Who’s for a pint?
words: neil christie, editor
http://www.lifeaftertheoilcrash.net
http://www.economics.about.com/cs/
macroeconomics/a/run_out_of_oil.htm
http://www.peakoil.net
opinion
W e are apparently a nation of crises.
We have a pension crisis (or “time
bomb”) that means we’ll all be 100
before we can retire, a transport crisis
of congested roads and unreliable trains
and best of all we have an obesity crisis
that seems destined to kill us all and
cripple the NHS.
According to the figures, more than 50%
of all adults in the UK are either obese
or overweight. On present trends this
will be closer to 70% by 2020 and the
problem already causes the premature
death of about 30,000 adults a year.
The press is full of stories about obesity
weight loss not to mention the hat load of
fashionable diets. Are you on
the Atkins? The south beach
diet, low fat, high protein? If
the figures are to be believed
then we mostly appear to
be on the pizzaman diet.
Strictly speaking, someone
is classed as overweight
when they have a Body
Mass Index (BMI) greater
than 25. The BMI is simply
a ratio of height and weight
and many internet sites offer
calculators to show your own
BMI. If you plug in your own
figures you may be surprised
by the result. A quick survey
of the lifestyle section in
your local bookstore reveals
no shortage of “celebrities”
willing to peddle you their miracle ideas
for losing 8 stone in a week. Carol
Vorderman alone would ably have
afforded several new wings to her house
based on the number of publications that
seem to bear her name
The latest body to wade into the publicity
is the British Heart Foundation. Their
current campaign runs a series of
posters bearing the slogan “fear the pie”
and sports a horrified woman recoiling
from a giant pie. Now, the British Heart
foundation clearly has a remit to protect
against heart disease but does the
stigmatisation of pies achieve this?
My real problem with the way the issue
is dealt with is who the constant media
barrage has an effect on. Is it genuinely
those people who are so overweight that
15
The
irrational
fear of pies
they are likely to die twenty years early
or is it the majority of people who are
modestly heavier than their ‘BMI’ says
they should be. Strictly speaking
this makes us overweight – but
will this really make any tangible
difference to long-term health?
Is in fact the anxiety of believing
“I must lose weight” far more
harmful than being half a stone
heavier than the figures say?
Much worse, what effect does
all this publicity have on those
who have no weight problem at
all – but just think they do? What
affect is had on younger and
more impressionable members
of society that are already very
image conscious and trying
to digest the existing array of
‘perfect’ body images presented
by the media. Let us have more
targeted information to those
with genuinely perilous weight issues
and a more measured approach to the
subject in general.
On the plus side, if we do all die early
because of our collective girth, it might
solve the aforementioned pensions
crisis. Now, which way to that pie shop?
words: paul canning
http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/yourweight/bmi.shtml
http://www.bhforg.uk/index.asp
16 features barefacts@ussu.co.uk 10 09 04

So you want to get

O nly two weeks
to go until our
consignment of Freshers
arrives, and with them
comes an annual ritual
that I remember with
particular fondness.
This ritual stems from
an instinct that must
be embedded deeply
in the fabric of human
consciousness.
Think back to the
time when you were a
Fresher. You’re talking
to another Fresher,
and you’ve already
swapped names, asked
about each other’s home towns, and compared term-time
accommodation. You’ve even traded your academic subjects.
After a few more platitudes and pleasantries though, the
conversation is waning dangerously, and you both realise
that you may soon have to face the depressing fact that
you have little in common: no friends, no interests, and no
geography. The tattered remains of the conversation need
to be salvaged quickly to preserve your dignity. There’s only
one desperate, squalid shard of a gambit left, but it’s got to
work. It’s time for the ritual. Simultaneously, in jovial voices,
you ask each other: ‘How did you do in your A-levels?’
A-level results have improved again this year, so the answer’s
likely to be better than it’s ever been. If you started University
after 1996, then statistically you’re cleverer than I am. In
fact, according to the DfES web site, fewer than 69% of my
year managed to pass three or more A-levels. The Class of
96 were ignorant, and its schoolteachers inept. Fortunately,
though, we were cleverer than the year above us, and the
year below us did better still. The only disadvantage of this
year-on-year proliferation of academic genius is that
universities now find it too difficult to choose between
prospective students. In confusion, they’ve even
started basing their admissions policies on arbitrary
whims. Oxbridge, for example, make sure that most
of their students come from independent schools, and
even the UniS head honchos, poor souls, have started
proclaiming that 20% of new undergraduates must come
from countries outside the EU.
In an attempt to make everybody’s lives easier, A-level
candidates may soon be awarded two marks for each
subject. One would be an ‘A’, given for being a jolly
good fellow and attending the exam. The other, supplied
in brackets or printed in smaller letters, would indicate
the ability of each candidate to pass that exam. And in
another twenty years, when the second mark has crept
up and consistently reaches its maximum possible value,
a third mark could be given in even smaller letters or
double brackets. This solution is perfectly simple and
sensible. And in common with all simple and sensible
opinions, it’s complete rubbish.
This is where my idea comes in. Here’s the background
story: I’ve now been doing a PhD for nearly three years.
It’s a lonely occupation, and to stay sane I’ve kept myself
motivated by focusing on the reason why I’m still here.
It’s not because I’ll be allowed to call myself ‘Doctor
Supper’: apart from the fact that I’d probably get sued by
the soft drinks company with a similar name, insisting on
being called ‘doctor’ is horribly pompous. It’s certainly not
the employment prospects that are keeping me going,
either: they’re little better for doctoral graduates than for
anybody else. In fact, there’s evidence to suggest that
many employers discriminate against PhD graduates,
because apparently none of us can remember how to
solve real problems. That leaves only one reason to
study for a PhD. The hat.
You see, PhD graduates wear a special hat during the
degree ceremony: a squashy, fuzzy black hat. It’s even
sillier than the mortar board that everybody else gets, and
it’s got a far better tassle. When I hand in my dissertation,
crash through my viva, and leave this place in a blaze
of anticlimax in a few months’ time, I’m going to look
bloody great. Sod the future. For me, higher education is
definitely about the headgear.

So here goes. Instead of attempting to boost the

confidence of A-level students by encouraging vile
American-style proms, holding tedious sixth-form
graduation ceremonies, and awarding pass marks to
any organism with a pulse, why not give pupils a single
grade that reflects their exam-passing ability, and allows
universities to discriminate between any two students
on the grounds of academic ability? It’s obvious that
 features 17

ahead? SOPHIA B ELMONT

a more meaningful way of celebrating the fact that
everybody’s had a good try is by letting them wear daft * diary of a student Cinderel la *
hats. Everybody likes wearing hats. So under my new
system, we’d have state-subsidised hats.

I’m talking millinery of the finest quality here. The kind

I t’s a new year and, once
again, my first view of
university life is the four,
And, were they not also
eligible for maintenance
grants (means-tested, of
that would benefit the economy by training skilled
depressingly naked walls course)? Therefore, on the
artisans, generating employment, and making Britain
of my room. Quite frankly, basis of my grandmother’s
the envy of the hat world. The further one progresses
they may have been freshly income (unfortunately for
in education, the more prestigious the hat one would
painted, but along with my father, his mother was a
get to wear. Key Stage 1 pupils would be awarded a
the coffee-stained carpet single parent falling into the
simple plastic-and-fabric hat with a horizontal orange
(courtesy of the previous lowest-
or blue-green sun visor: the kind that was fashionable
student) and the mould- income category), wouldn’t
in the 1980s, and in certain lighting conditions gives its
covered windowpanes, my he have received the full
wearer virtual David Bowie eyeshadow. Key Stage 2
ten by eight foot ‘space’ grant, covering the complete
students would be rewarded with neat bowler hats to
– I prefer the word ‘box’- cost of his living costs during
wear to secondary school. Key Stage 3 pupils would be
looks, to this little rich girl, term-time?
‘upgraded’ to a homburg or a panama, available in any
completely unbelievable.
colour. Every GCSE passer would be presented with a
How can a smaller room than
ten-gallon hat with a buckle on. People who decide to
the one I had last year be And here I am, as are other
pursue vocational qualifications at this point will not be
physically possible! What on students who have begun
left out of my scheme: rather, they will be given round
earth possessed me to rent further education from
helmets, modelled on the Helmet of Justice from ITV’s
it? And then I recall… 1998-1999 onwards, forced
Knightmare. The finest privilege, though, would be
to pay £1,125 per year on
reserved for those who have passed their A-levels: a
Most of my friends from tuition fees and take out the
pointy wizard’s hat.
school left for university dreaded student loan, which
In my vision of the future, graduates will be emerging armed with the fact that they although they remind us (as
into the adult world with mildly disappointing degree were authorised users of their if we should be grateful) has
results, and more than fifteen thousand pounds of daddy’s Platinum Barclay no real interest charged on
debt each. But it won’t matter, because they’ll all have Card. Mine, on the other it, becomes repayable the
beautiful hats to commemorate their academic efforts. hand, disowned me. I believe moment we start to earn
If you were allowed to keep the mortar board that they he used the words “It’s time £10,000 a year.
give you on graduation day, wouldn’t you be a happier for you to learn the value of
person, and thus a better worker? It just couldn’t money” – the only thought that And thus, I can predict now
fail. Far from costing the taxpayer a fortune, it would flashed across my mind was that Marks and Spencer’s
actually save the Treasury money. The NHS would ‘abandonment’. food, for the second year
no longer need to fork out on lorry-loads of Prozac running, is out of the question
and beta-blockers to sustain the country’s crumbling And so, as I sit on my and, yet again, shall I become
academic tutors. I’m certain that the moment we start uncomfortable bed (pitifully an avid visitor of Tesco’s
giving away those hats, a new golden age will begin. clinging on to my latest Louis reduced section - that being
The forces of higher education will be united once Vuitton acquirement), I reflect the only way to obtain my
more under that mighty old slogan -- ‘Elitism For All!’ on, not only how they might as traditional childhood food
And master craftsmen would keep walking into lamp- well have made the bed out of source, Tesco’s finest range,
posts. concrete, but also how ironic at an affordable price. I
it is that my father has done can only pity those who shall
words: ben supper this to me. For when my Dad follow me post-2006, liable
was a student in the 1960s, to pay up to £3,000 a year
weren’t all undergraduates in fees to be paid after their
accepted for a degree course graduation – especially those
at that time entitled to have of them who are ex-daddy’s
their full tuition fees paid for girls...
by their local authorities?
words: sophie hammonds
20 albums barefacts@ussu.co.uk 10 09 04

THE LIBERTINES RODNEY P

The Libertines The Future

Rough Trade Riddim Killa

The Libertines have finally showed why
so many fans are willing to put up with
the sometimes soap opera-like goings
on behind the band. It opens with a bang,
with stand out tracks Can’t Stand Me Now
and Last Post on the Bugle. It then follows
through the heart-wrenching ballad of
Music When the Lights Go Out, but gets
straight back to the searing rock with the
likes of The Ha Ha Wall, Arbeit Macht
Frei and The Saga. The album closes
with What Became of the Likely Lads,
which is yet another blistering anthem
accompanied by the ever-present moving
lyrics which turn a very good rock’n’roll
album into a poignant fairy-tale about
the highs and lows of Pete and Carl’s
relationship. j.a. *****
British RnB and hip hop doesn’t
always get the respect it deserves
and with artists like Rodney P hitting
us with a great debut album it seems
a real shame. This has a real funky
vibe mixing up reggae and hip hop
and with features from the likes of
Bob Marley’s son Kymani on tracks
such as The Nice Up he’s certainly
keeping it authentic. Rodney may
use producers from all over the
world but he maintains a very British
feel and his experience as an artist
shines through. The mellow tracks
want to make you kick back and
enjoy the last few sunny days of
summer while the party songs just
make you get up and dance. Hands
up ladies and gentleman The Future
is on its way. d.m.****

THE FIERY FURNACES
Blueberry Boat
Rough Trade
After seeing these guys perform at Leeds,
I wasn’t overly hopeful about the album
being any good. I was right. It starts as
it means to go on with the opening track
Quay Cur, which is very hard to work
to listen to. It’s ten and a half minutes
long, and at its high point it sounds a bit
like early White Stripes, but then it just
descends back into the stripped back
weirdness that it started with. Every now
and then the album hits a great bluesy
guitar line, but within seconds it’s gone
strange again, and the five tracks that are
longer than eight minutes really disrupt the
flow of the album. j.a. *
HAPPYLIFE
CHARLOTTE HATHERLEY
Sweet Resort
Alberts
Grey will fade
Double Dragon Music
It seems that British Rock is on the up and
a great new band to add to the growing list
Better known her role as guitarist with
is Happylife. The first track Breathe for me
Ash, Charlotte Hatherley has now
has a very Placebo tinged sound, the rest
arrived as a solo artist. The album starts
of the album however is less so, offering a
off very well with the perfect bubblegum
great variety of peppy up rock tunes and
pop of Kim Wilde. Excluding the slightly
mellow, contemplative types. Recently
more delicate tracks Down and Where
supporting local boys Reuben and The
I’m Calling From, the album keeps
Rasmus at the Astoria, they have proved
up the sickly-sweet tone all the way
that they can keep an audience jumping
through, with Paragon, Bastardo and
and it’s not hard to see why. With this their
the title track Grey Will Fade standing
debut album they showcase melodic and
out. Overall, it’s an accomplished debut
catchy tunes that don’t compromise on the
which is well worth a listen, but don’t
talent aspect, which happens all too often
expect it to be as good as anything that
these days. Definitely a great band, one to
Ash has ever done! j.a ***
keep an eye out for. d.m. ****

This week’s reviews have been written
by Jon Allen and Dina Mystris, the
Music Editors for 2004/5
Fancy reviewing CDs for the barefacts music pages? Than drop
Jon and Dina (the music editors) an e-mail on
barefactsmusicteam@hotmail.com or pop along to the CD hand-
out session on Monday 13th September in the Media Centre at
5.15pm!
 singles 21

THE SOUNDTRACK OF glastonbury

OUR LIVES
Bigtime
Telegraph Records
Taken from their forthcoming second
album, hirsute Swedes TSOOL release
Bigtime, a superb piece of space-prog-
garage-rock that simply bristles with
energy and enthusiasm. Following on
from their great performance on the
Carling Stage at Reading and Leeds,
here’s hoping that this propels them
onto bigger and better things. j.a. ****
THE STREETS
2004
The Grandfather of all festivals this
year boasted the likes of the godfather
of soul, James Brown, ex-Beatle
Paul McCartney and Oasis’s only UK
festival show this year. Not without its the pyramid stage warms to the mix
of laid-back grooves and upbeat
problems before the festival started,
the well-documented surge in demand mayhem (***). The beauty of a vast
festival such as Glastonbury is its
and ticketing failures has made
Glastonbury one of the most elusive array of new talent seeping out of the
aptly names new bands tent with the
tickets around.
exciting South (***) and the Strokes
influenced, (***). A late replacement
On a sweltering Friday the festival
opens with the eccentric antics of the for Jet, Badly Drawn Boy takes to the
Ralph Myerz and The Jack Herren Other stage declaring we’ve received
Band. More than a match for last a better deal. Backed by his band,
years opening act (The Darkness) BDB sung heart felt gems, Silent Sigh,

Blinded by the light

Locked On

Undoubtedly you’ve heard of The

Streets or you have been living in a
hole. Known for a unique British sound
that has captured the imagination of
many listeners you’d expect nothing
less than catchy and interesting. This
track however is rather repetitive and
the club beat in the background doesn’t
catch the listener and make them stop.
It’s definitely original but not sure if it

TOKYO DRAGONS

Get ‘em off

Island Records

This is a double A side of old fashioned

rock and roll from this British based
band. With help from the producer
for The Darkness you may hear the
similarity, but don’t expect curly hair
and spandex suits. These guys are
more into heavy guitar riffs and rough,
edgy vocals, so no high pitch cries
in sight. They have toured with The
Datsuns and it seems headlining isn’t
far off. d.m.**
22 festival
bands tent with the exciting South
(***) and the Strokes influenced, (***).
A late replacement for Jet, Badly
Drawn Boy takes to the Other stage
declaring we’ve received a better
deal. Backed by his band, BDB sung
heart felt gems, Silent Sigh, ending
with the excellent Pissing in the
Wind taken from 2000 Mercury prize
award The Hour of Bewilderbeast
(***). The eclectic sounds of Groove
Armada hit the Pyramid stage kicking
off with Vertigo’s opener Chicago,
concluding with Superstylin’, seeing
the field erupt to one bouncing carpet
(***). Glaswegian Franz Ferdinand
have made some impact this year
illustrating the cause of this hype with
hit single Take Me Out and Radio
Two favourite Matinee (****). A Faded Seaside Glamour.
buzz swiftly engulfed the new bands
tent as The Bees took to the stage.
Promoting the acclaimed album,
Free The Bees made up much of
the initial performance taking in
singles Horsemen and Wash In The
Rain. The Bees cemented their live
reputation with the fantastic Chicken
Payback and the well received A
Minha Menina (****). Possibly one
of the most anticipated sets of the
weekend saw the hoards and the
odd manc setting up refuge as Oasis
swaggered on stage. Dressed as
an artic explorer with a comedy
beard, Liam wasted no time to say
f**k off to the front row and give
an impression he can’t be arsed or
hack it any more. Thank goodness
for Noel as his sublime guitar work
holds the band together, belting out
classic Champagne Supernova and
Stop Crying Your Eyes Out aptly
dedicated to the England football
team. As the performance looked
to be remembered for all the wrong
barefacts@ussu.co.uk
reasons two songs, Don’t Look Back in
Anger and Wonderwall managed a turn
around as Oasis illustrate their class to an
adoring crowd (***).
A rain swept Saturday saw the Quantic
Soul Orchestra take to the Jazz World
stage. Led by Quantic, the Orchestra
enthused funk and soul grooves with
impressive vocals attracted a sizeable
midday audience (***). One of the best
new bands of 2004, Keane deserve every
plaudit with the quite exquisite Hope and
Fears LP topping the chart with solid
justification. With quite masterful song
writing as Somewhere Only We Know
and the heartfelt Everybody’s Changing
illustrate, are transformed live with only
Tom’s dancing a little to be desired. Ending
with the quite wonderful Bedshaped,
Keane have the crowd in the palm of their
hand (****). Possibly the best and least
dressed band on site, the Scissor Sisters
light up the Dance tent for their second
performance of the day. Glamming up
Glasto, the Scissor Sisters blast through
Take Your Mama and Comfortably Numb
in this faultless live performance. As the
opening bars Laura echo, the tent erupts
as they are well and truly crowned the king
a queens of Glastonbury 2004 (*****). A
year on from O’s release Damien Rice
has begun to reap its recent success from
the underground to the mainstream. With
his idyllic song writing Damien Rice’s set
climaxes with his breakthrough single,
Cannonball (***). With McCartney gracing
the Pyramid stage, Basement Jaxx are
more than an alternative as they rip
through Kish Kash’s Good Luck and the
energetic Plug It In. Basement Jaxx offer
a raw mix of dance having progressed
musically over their three albums, are a
worthy example of dance music taking
to the live arena. The tempo is raised
with Jump ‘N’ Shout and then again taken
to another level as Where’s Your Head
At rings around the dance trodden mud
(****).
Glastonbury is awoken by the sounds of
more than one hundred members of the
English National Opera crammed onto
the pyramid stage, illustrating the diversity
and the open minds of both the organisers
and festival-goers alike. Over on the
Other stage last minute replacements,
Razorlight leave the audience in as spin
as Johnny launches himself across the
10 09 04
stage to the fantastic Stumble and Fall.
With an ego the size of the spacious
dance tent, lead singer Johnny is the
star attraction ripping through the
catchy Golden Touch, before bolting
towards the nearest fence to make his
escape (****). Liverpool’s The Zutons
may share the same record label
and characteristics as the Coral but
their blend of guitar soul and resident
saxophonist make them a real one off.
Clad in yellow boiler suits the Zutons
strum through They Do You Don’t and
Remember Me off their superb album,
Who Killed The Zutons? (****). Next,
can only be described as the most
self-hyped up performance in history
as the Godfather of Soul, James Brown
graces the stage a full fifteen minutes
into his performance. Supported by the
highly talented JB’S, two MC’S, three
backing vocalists, two dancers and a
towel carrier James Brown has to be
the most Rock and Roll, self indulgent
man on the planet. In between the
show there was a chance to breeze
through I Got You (I Feel Good), Get
Up Offa That Thing and Sex Machine,
showing streaks of his legendary status
with bone crunching dance moves (***).
Living up to their name the Delays
arrive a little later than scheduled
breezing through the delightful debut,
With
standouts including, Nearer Than
Heaven and the stomping Long Time
Coming the Delays blend of beats and
angelic vocals hits all the right notes
(****). Closing the Pyramid stage, Muse
set it alight with this three piece roaring
through the hit packed Absolution LP.
Charging through Bliss, Absolution
and Sunburn, the sound is electric with
Bellamy offering a guitar master class
as the set climaxes with an explosion
of noise as the drum kit is sprawled
across the stage. With many doubters
to their headline potential, these three
lads from Devon deliver what can only
be described as their best show ever,
mind-blowing (*****).
words: matt badcock
24 festival
Friday 27th August
13.30 - Finally get into the main
arena and head towards the
Radio One Stage after queueing
for the best part of two hours,
missing Eastern Lane and The
Futureheads in the process. Am
greeted by the shoddy weirdness of Fiery
Furnaces.
14.30 - Dogs Die in Hot Cars arrive on
stage and make up for the aforementioned
crapness by being generally brilliant,
getting most of the crowd dancing with their
quirky 80’s stylings.
16.00 - Head over to the Carling Tent
for Sons and Daughters. Am thoroughly
surprised by an absolutely blinding set of
country-blues-funk.
16.30 - Run to the Radio One Stage to find
22-20’s playing their most recent single,
the fuzzy blues extravaganza that is Shoot
Your Gun. If that was anything to go by,
then the rest of the set would have been
fantastic.
16.45 - Run back to the Carling Tent for
three brothers from Wakefield known as
The Cribs, a band that I can best describe
as a weirder, slightly more mental version
of The Strokes.
18.15 - Back to the Radio One Stage, this
time for the enthralling stage show put on
by British Sea Power. Miss most of the
set for New York punk-funkers Radio 4 in
the Dance Arena, who mostly play tracks
off their new political statement... sorry,
album... Stealing of a Nation.
19.10 - Fancy some relaxation, so I wander
back to the Carling Tent to chill out to
Devendra Banhart’s feral Jeff Buckley-
esque beauty.
20.45 - The Von Bondies arrive at the
Radio One Stage, only to play the most
lethargic 25 minutes of music that I have
ever seen, so I go to the Carling Tent to
check out The Soundtrack of our Lives,
whose spacey rock’n’roll fills the Carling
Tent with so much energy that it’s hard to
drag myself away to bag a half-decent spot
from which to view Supergrass. The ‘Grass
justify their position as Radio One Stage
headliners by playing a superb set chock-
full of hits and crowd-pleasers, ranging
from the really-rather-
barefacts@ussu.co.uk
leeds festival 2004: 27th - 29th August
good acoustic version of Caught by the
Fuzz, to the epic Mary, to the rumbling
rock clatter of Richard III.
Saturday 28th August
12.45 - The Open are the first great
band of the day, thrilling all that
bothered to turn up with their Doves-
esque atmospheric rock.
13.30 - Squeeze into a packed out
Carling Tent for great band number two,
the heavy glam punk of Pink Grease.
14.20 - Make my first trip to the Main
Stage for Hundred Reasons who are,
disappointingly, completely swamped.
After a few songs, head back to the
Carling Tent for teenage rock’n’roll
trio The Subways, who show exactly
why they won this years Glastonbury
unsigned competition.
16.10 - Over to the Radio One Stage for
what turns out to be one of the bands
of the weekend. The Wildhearts almost
tear the roof off the jam-packed tent with
a fantastic hard rocking set, with the
crowd completely wrapped around lead
singer Ginger’s little finger.
17.30 - Back to the Main Stage for
The Hives. Howlin’ Pelle shows Justin
Hawkins exactly how cocky should
be done with a typically self-important
performance, including quotes like
“When you get back to your piss and
mud-soaked sleeping bags tonight,
The Hives will be there to comfort you!”.
Their new 50’s-prom-band image looks
great too.
19.20 - Soulwax rock the Radio One
Stage with their brand of 80’s techno
rock, playing mainly material from
their new album, but also fitting in old
ones including Conversation Intercom.
21.00 - Leave Graham Coxon’s so far
fabulous set to go and see The Shins fill
the Carling Tent with their shimmering
summery guitar pop.
22.00 - Off to the Dance Arena to see 2
Many DJ’s. 22.30 - Bored. Go to see the
end of Super Furry Animals.
23.00 - You mean I missed the rest
of Kasabian to see the
30 minutes of elongated
electronic noodling that was
10The09
Motherfokker and Man04
Don’t Give
a Fuck? Walk back to my tent rather
miffed, desperately trying to work out
why things went so wrong after 10pm.
Sunday 29th August
12.00 - On the Carling Stage, Mohair
just about succeed where beer has
failed in managing to wake me up, with
their excellent blues-country resting
neatly on the lush piano melodies.
12.45 - Bloc Party finish the job off,
their brilliant arty rock’n’roll being the
musical equivalent of a slap round the
face.
14.20 - Excluding the typically
explosive Ordinary Boys, the next
few hours of action centre around the
Main Stage, with Razorlight and Franz
Ferdinand playing very good sets,
although nothing out of the ordinary.
18.40 - The Libertines arrive to play
a musically flawless set, although the
on-stage chemistry between Pete and
Carl is sorely missed.
19.50 - These are a few of Morrissey’s
least favourite things...
19.55 - He finally arrives on stage,
immediately kicking off with How Soon
is Now? which is simply amazing.
Where most bands would then scream
“Have you had a great weekend
Leeds?” Moz asks sombrely if we have
all “Had a reasonable time” so far,
followed by a chuckle and “Well that’s
all about to change... I’m not kidding”,
showing that he has at least got some
of his sense of humour back after a
thoroughly grouchy performance at
Glasto. The rest of his set is a perfect
mixture of new and old solo material,
and a couple of classic Smiths tunes.
22.00 - Off to the Concrete Jungle
Stage to finish off my weekend with
a bang, along with hometown punk-
rockers A.
22.30 - Give up and nearly fall asleep
against the side of the tent, oblivious to
the energetic tunes.
words: jon allen

Life of Pi
Yann Martell
“Winner of the Man Booker Prize
2002”, you’ll read on the cover if you
walk past it in HMV. For those in the
know, this is no indicator of literary
splendour. The Booker Prize is one of
the better-funded yet less prestigious
awards out there, usually awarded
to impenetrable pieces of highbrow
tat such as Michael Ondaatje’s “The
English Patient”. “Oh dear.” I thought.
Fortunately for the publicist of any
novel, you can’t count on so many
people being conversant with the
relative merits of the various literature
prizes. (No-one likes literature. If they
did, this section would be longer and
I would be happier.) Hence sprung
the legend on the top, “The Number
One Bestseller.” “Oh dear oh dear.”
I thought again, unconsciously
emulating the Chuckle Brothers. Then
I bought the thing anyway, spurred on
by thoughts of a friend’s birthday and
an impending lecture. Later, taking
care not to bend the spine, I began to
test the goods.
I once heard tell that the best books
are the hardest to describe, and Life
of Pi certainly fell into that camp.
Titbits and interludes and wisdom
are liberally strewn throughout the
main plot, taken chiefly from the main
character’s twin college courses in
Zoology and Religious Studies, and
cropping up again and again like little
presents in the middle of the book.
And besides, how can you not a love
a guy whose excuse for going to India
to write was “a novel set in Portugal in
1939 may have very little to do with
Portugal in 1939”?
Piscine Molitor Patel is a sixteen
year old boy from Pondicherry, India,
whose parents own a zoo. This
literature 25
sentence at once does an efficient and
a rubbishy job of describing the first
seventy pages or so, encapsulating as
it does what Piscine (or Pi) decries the
whole way throughout - “dry, yeastless
factuality”. You put that sentence on the
rack and ask Mr. Martel to stretch it out
into half a novel, and he gives birth to Pi
Patel, a fictional character who you feel is
more truly alive than half the real people
you know. Everything feels unfamiliar
yet comfortable; Pi’s family and the
alien bustle of Pondicherry, that French
enclave clinging to the Indian coast, his
schooldays and his religious awakening
make it hard not to believe Pi exists and
lives happily today in Toronto, like the
italicized bits proclaim. Anyway, after his
parents decide to sell up and retreat to
Canada, Pi finds himself sharing a large
cargo freighter with a few dozen caged,
exotic zoo animals also wending their
way to their new Canadian home. And
then the boat sinks.
Here, then, is your ordinary, down-home
explanation of a how a boy ends up
sharing a lifeboat with a crippled zebra, a
female orang-utan, an angry hyena, and
the star of the show, Richard Parker. He’s
a tiger. Not a talking, anthropomorphic
cartoon tiger. This isn’t trans-oceanic
Calvin and Hobbes. He’s a real flesh
eating tiger with teeth the size of steak
knives. You don’t expect to share a
lifeboat with this kind of tiger and live
to tell the tale. This is, as the New York
Times put it, “an outrageous scenario” par
excellence. And yet Pi does, surviving not
only the tiger, but also the wild, waterless
Pacific, by a whole multitude of ingenious
tricks. Not only does he need to do the
normal castaway stuff, like finding food
and water, but he needs to find a way to
neutralise the threat of Richard Parker.
Not by killing him, not by starving him,
not by pushing him off the boat, not by
setting him alight or poisoning him - but
by training him. With whistles, treats,
pavlovian-type responses, et. al. Piscine
becomes both Siegfried and Roy, only
infinitely less comical. (These people
are famous gay tiger-taming illusionists
in Vegas. Roy recently got mauled by a
tiger.) And Richard Parker becomes as
important a character - wordless, always
a threat, but eventually Piscine grows to
rely on him, and even to love him. And
put like this, this is the most stupid story
you’ve ever heard.
But for some reason, Martel can make a
stupid story transcend its stupidity and
become human, inventive in its grand
originality, and uplifting in its beauty.
Imagine that friend of yours - the one
who’s not the sharpest knife in the
drawer - come out with his latest gem
of patent inanity. But this time when you
begin to dress him down, he embarks on
a long, sincere, detailed and immensely
absorbing explanation of why Louis
Armstrong was the first man on the
moon or how you can make antigravity
by spreading butter on a cat’s back and
dropping the animal. And at the end
of it, the experience was so mystically
enjoyable you half believe him. Your
insistence on “dry, yeastless factuality”
has vanished. That’s what reading Life
of Pi is like. By the by, I ended up buying
my friend a bottle of absinthe, which she
enjoyed a bit too much.
words: arvind virdee, literature editor
Too Long;
Didn’t Read
This week:
Pride and Prejudice by Jane
Austen
“Frivolous unimportant drivel.
I am indifferent to Mr. Darcy.
Frivolous unimportant drivel. I
now hate Mr. Darcy. Frivolous
unimportant drivel. I now love
Mr Darcy.” I hate you, Jane
Austen.
26 film barefacts@ussu.co.uk
Four reviews this issue: three recent
summer cinema selections and one you
might consider looking at on DVD… If you
like samurais. Most people like samurais.
Also if you’ve seen a film you feel like
telling/warning the student body about
don’t hesitate to tell us!
Spiderman 2
Probably generating
enough hype not
to warrant an
introduction, but
you’re getting one
anyway. Peter
Parker is Spiderman
- a superhero with
spider-abilities as a
result of being bitten
by a radioactive
namesake. On top
of dealing with life
and love he also
has to deal with the city’s villains who
are intent on giving him a hard time of
things. However after a catastrophe
in an experimental lab a new more
dangerous foe for Spiderman awakens
– Doctor Octopus. After the accident in
his lab, the normally mild-mannered
Dr. Otto Octavius finds himself with 4
indestructible tentacles grafted to his
spine and takes to robbery in efforts
to complete his research - something
Spidey won’t stand for.
Now the first Spiderman outing was a
letdown - the necessary inclusion of how
Peter Parker got his Spider-powers and
the thoroughly un-awe-inspiring villain
in the form of the Green Goblin held it
back. Now, in a similar way to X-men
2, Sam Raimi was free of the baggage
and could tell more of a story. The plot is
fairly standard and expectable, good vs.
evil & lessons to learn, but the feather in
Spiderman 2’s cap is by far
Dr. Octopus. Not only does
Alfred Molina do an outstanding job as
a villain (harder than you’d think) but
the four extensible metallic tentacles
lead to some great action scenes where
Spiderman and the Doctor take their
brawl to the high-rise buildings above
the streets and onto some passing tube
trains. Also, as you’d expect, cars go
flying through the air, huge chunks of
masonry are taken off buildings (without
hurting people below) and things blow
up. It felt like Raimi got to shoot the action
scenes he always wanted to shoot from
the time he got the job as director (He
also did some POV-camera work with the
tentacles and found a scene-stealing role
for Bruce Cambell, all harking back to his
‘Evil Dead’ days). Tobey Maguire seems
to be fast approaching the acting abilities
of Cardboard-Keanu, something that he
should probably try and remedy (though
it seems to be working for Mr. Reeves).
The ending gets a bit overdramatic, you
can see all of it coming a mile off – but all
in all I really enjoyed watching the film.
words: neil boulton, film
editor
Garfield
For those not familiar
with Garfield (I have
led my life by his
teachings) he’s a
very fat orange cat
– lazy, sarcastic, with
penchant for Italian food. He has also
been the subject of Jim Davis’ world
famous comic strip for well over twenty
years. In the movie the fat cat has his
world turned upside down when his
owner, Jon, brings home a dog from
the vets in an attempt to date The Vet
herself. Through a serious of events (as
ever) Odie the dog gets kidnapped and
Garfield being the only one who knows
who by, sets of to save his
Enemy/Companion.
The actors involved are
immaterial (hence being
played by Breckin Meyer
& Jennifer Love-Hewitt,
badly) the focus should
be Garfield himself.
However I’m highly biased
and so would focus on
10 09 04
Garfield and from a
biased extreme-fan
side of things the
movie is a huge
disappointment, for
rather odd reasons
(although from the
moment I heard
they were making
a movie I expected
the worst). They’re
odd reasons because in the film they
got Garfield himself right - the way
he moves, acts and talks are almost
spot-on. Bill Murray voices him and
does it exceptionally well, filling in for
the voice of Garfield, Lorenzo Music,
who passed away before filming. The
problem is everything else. In the
comics Garfield’s owner is basically a
loser, he wears bad ties, never gets
the girl, that sort of thing – whereas
in the film they have him winning
the heart of the attractive vet. All
the characters from the comic strips
included in the film have had their
personality skewed for the movie, so
even with Garfield being ‘right’ things
still felt wrong. Also Garfield is the only
CGI character (the others animals are
trained professionals, of a sort), this
made the film a bit unsettling, but a
cat acting as Garfield could never live
up to the name. It’s a story aimed at
kids and probably enjoyable if the kid’s
unfamiliar with Garfield, but if you’ve
been reading Garfield for any great
length of time it’s not film you should
see. The most alarming thing is I can’t
really remember any memorable things
from the movie (except for Garfield
dancing, which I probably enjoyed too
much).
words: neil boulton, film editor
The Bourne Supremacy
The slightly confused secret agent
returns for the second in the trilogy,
and is still very, very good at what he
does.
Having been in hiding and travelling
around the world, Bourne and Marie
(his wife) have settled down in a
quiet Indian village safe from the
world of espionage, or so they think.

So reluctantly (after an unfortunate
incident) Bourne is forced to return to
the world he thought he left behind for
good.
However on his return he finds out
someone has framed him for the
murder of some American agents, so
once again he is on the run from his
former employers. However since the
person who ran Treadstone is dead
the hunt for Bourne is lead by Agent
Landy, who was in charge of the
murdered agents. The only problem
is she has no idea of who Bourne is
or what he is capable of. On the way
Bourne is haunted by flashbacks of a
long ago memory that leads to a big
secret that has many implications.
Matt Damon again fills the shoes of the
infamous Bourne and again carries it
off well, especially as this isn’t the
sort of character one would normally
associate Matt Damon with. Also
Pamela Landy is portrayed very well
by Joan Allen as the agent-in-chase.
Visually the film is very good with a
brilliant car chase and excellent fight
scenes. The slightly jerky motion of
the fight scenes adds to the sense of
Bourne’s life being a series of pictures
and flashbacks, although at one
point in the car chase it can be very
confusing.
Although it would appear that the
screen writer threw the book out of the
window before he sat down to write the
screenplay The Bourne Supremacy is
a very good film that will keep you
entertained from start to finish, and
just remember that’s not the proper
film 27
way to use a magazine. great as the
titular character,
words: peter wigfield calm with a hint
of a grin and as
cool as ice as he
Zatoichi quickly dispatches
the bad guys,
On TV Takeshi Kitano is a comedian (he’s while Tadanobu
also the man behind Takeshi’s Castle, Asano also puts
the painful larger-than-life game show) on a terrifically
but in the world of cinema he takes things menacing turn as
slightly differently. In films going by the the powerful ronin
name Beat Takeshi he’s Hattori. On top of the bloody
directed/starred in some of sword fighting (not intestines-out
the best eastern gangster gore bloody though) a strong
movies of modern cinema. river of wit runs through the film.
However in this film he I believe with all the humour and
wrote/directed/stars in, the good narrative the film’s been
he’s taken things back to made highly accessible. Often
the 19th century to tell the Japanese cinema can have a
tale of a legendary blind habit of being a tad confusing and
swordsman, Zatoichi. overwhelming but Zatoichi never
comes across as baffling and
Aged in his years the blind even people not overly impressed
Zatoichi leads a nomadic life with samurai should get something
gaining money through giving massages out of it.
and extraordinary feats of gambling. No
one suspects that the blind old man is One of the most interesting things about
actually a master swordsman (probably the film is the music, at first you take it to
due to his optical handicap) and the use be fairly traditional with the odd modern
of the word ‘master’ is no exaggeration. flourish, but occasionally you’ll notice
Zatoichi wields his cane-hidden sword that the music is very much based on the
with speed and precision rivalling that of characters movements. Basically a sort
any sighted-swordsman. Zatoichi ambles of oriental ‘Stomp’, which all converges
into a small town under the oppressive in the films finale. All-in-all a great piece
grip of some thoroughly nasty gangs, one of foreign cinema, rent it, buy it or borrow
of which has employed the services of a it.
highly powerful Ronin (Samurai-without-
a-master) as a bodyguard. After meeting words: neil boulton, film editor
two deadly geishas out to avenge
their parents’ slaughter, Zatoichi
(luckily Zatoichi has a thing for
helping the down-trodden) gets clag - WIN A
on the wrong side of the gangs
and the already quite violent town DVD
heads towards a showdown.
The film section would like to know about the
Visually this film is impressive worst films you’ve had the misfortune of wasting
with the action, story and imagery 90 minutes on (90 minutes you won’t get back),
all complimenting each other - we’re looking for BAD movies, movies which
the fact I was greatly drawn in by serve no purpose to anyone. Be they emotionless
the appeal of a blind swordsman dramas, needless sequels, dire comedies or the
probably helped. Takeshi’s blair witch project. And as an incentive for you to
send us a quick e-mail blasting cinema’s clag we
have a DVD to give away as a prize. If we think
you’ve found the worst film going you can win a
DVD of… well… Freddy Got Fingered. A film which
might be the worst film ever (Were you expecting to
win cinematic gold in turn for clag?) Anyway e-mail
barefacts@ussu.co.uk with your bad cinema.
28
GU2 Radio
returns to 1350AM/MW

1
Student Radio has been in turmoil over the past three months, GU2, the student-run radio station on campus, came into
being in late 2000 with help from the Student Broadcast Network, SBN, a division of Campus Media plc. However, during
July, Campus Media plc announced the liquidation of SBN throwing the world of Student Radio into absolute mayhem.
Over the past four years that GU2 has been broadcasting, SBN has provided funding, training, a sustaining service and
employment for two regular GU2 presenters, Duncan Wilson and P. The network supported approximately fifty student
stations across the face of the UK and became a valuable tool for the music industry to be able to relate to the student
market and find out what music was popular within this key demographic. GU2 realises that whilst this loss to student
radio is a massive one, it is not a blow from which it cannot recover. In its second year of having a full student committee,
GU2 is looking forward to new challenges and once again has its sights firmly placed on the title of “Best Student Station
2004-2005”. The new committee is headed by Nathan Whitaker, a second year Business Management student, as
Station Manager and Melody Carter, a final year Physicist, as Assistant Station Manager and both are interested in
making GU2 a resounding success this year.
GU2’s goal is to provide the students of Sur-
For more info

3
rey with the opportunity to become involved
in the world of media, in particular radio. The
station is run as any local or national radio
visit
station would be, and has committee posi-
tions open to any student registered with the
www.gu2.co.uk
University of Surrey. These positions range
from Station Manager to Head of News and
all that’s in between...keep your eyes on
barefacts for interviews with each of the com-
mittee members within GU2 to find out what
they do and why they do it!
If you’re interested in radio, then get in con-
tact with GU2 management now...

5
e-mail - manager@gu2.co.uk
phone - 811350 (ntl campus phones)
01483 681350 (external phones)

providing hands on experience

in all aspects of radio
FOR EVERYONE

Who‛s Who starts next

-
@ GU2 barefacts

0
your guide to who’s who, who does what and everything that you just
didn’t know about GU2
station manager head of promotions
programme controller press officer
head of music ob co-ordinator
head of news technical manager
head of marketing training officer
Producers presenters
 GU2 Radio
talent search 2004/05 29

Could You GU2?

GU2 is starting the semester off with high hopes and the committee have been busy beavering away across the summer
in order to make this year one of the best that GU2 has every had.

There are now so many new opportunities for YOU to get involved within GU2, just take a look at these positions and
have a think as to whether or not you have what it takes to be part of a diverse, dynamic, entertaining and not to mention
crazy amenity.

Show Presenter
Could be a regular play-listed show, perhaps something a little more specialised…heck it could be something so off the
wall that we haven’t even thought about it yet. Come down to the station and have a chat!

Show Producer
If you don’t fancy behind in-front of the microphone, then how about being the main driving force BEHIND the microphone.
If you’ve got ideas for shows and want to get involved…come down to the station and have a chat!

News Reader / Researcher

‘Barefacts Live!’ is GU2’s very own campus news show, every Monday, Wednesday, Friday and we are looking for local
talent across UniS to put the local stories across to UniS. If you are interested in keeping up to date with the goings on
across Guildford…come down to the station and have a chat!

Marketing
GU2 needs business minded people to help GU2 make CASH!!! If you think you have a mind built for sales we want to
hear from you...come down to the station and have a chat!

Loads Of Other Positions

These are certainly not the only areas that GU2 can offer you positions in. GU2 is a team effort and all that we ask
from you is a level of committment to GU2 so that we can achieve all that we are capable of! So if you fancy getting
involved...come down to the station and have a chat!

GU2 Meetings Every THursday At 6PM In Lecture Theatre G

EVERYONE WELCOME!

WARNING
O R E
GU2 LIVE FROM CHANCELLORS
T Hgreat
Floud music,
D
Freshers Sunday from midday,
E NG
T
giveaways, fun games

....N B I plenty of sunshine!

A
W UR ACE
fingers crossed

I STGU2 P E
LAKE JAM
D Coming soon
28 web barefacts@ussu.co.uk
www.ussu.co.uk
Since April of this year when the new website
was launched, a whole bunch of stuff has
been added. You can now do everything
from see what events are happening over
the next week (don’t forget to sign up to the
Grapevine whilst you’re there!) to finding
Mousetrap
“Give us each day our daily
web...”
In PC World today, salivating over shiny laptops
with all their Gigahertz and Megabytes and GigaBi
gaMegaSuperFireDrives, I overheard a lady asking
an assistant how to turn the computer on. ‘World
wide what?’. My patronising geeky heart went out
to her - she’s missing out on so much. I’m not going
to witter on about how the ‘net is the best thing
since sliced bread. Instead, I want to share with you
a few websites that have become as fundamental a
part of my morning routine as tea, toast.
First things first – get a good browser. I recommend
Firefox [www.mozilla.org] if you’re using Windows
or Linux, and Safari or Camino for Mac, all of which
are evolving much more quickly than Internet
Explorer. Their features include tabbed browsing
(might not sound exciting, but it is!), pop-up
blocking and useful plug-ins.
My first port of call is usually [news.bbc.co.uk] – its
front page is a great summary of what’s going on
in the world, and a gateway to a wealth of in-depth
news content. If you can forgive the more American
slant, [www.wired.com] and [www.salon.com] are
also quite absorbing.
Find out if you’ll need to wear mittens at
[www.bbc.co.uk/weather] (then shake your
fist at Michael Fish when they get it all wrong)
and discover whether your washing will dry at
[www.metcheck.com] (choose your location and
scroll down to ‘hobby forecasts’).
Some other sites I can’t do without -
[dieselsweeties.com] for pixellated cartoon fun,
and [b3ta.com] and [fark.com] will also provide you
with some bizarre amusement.
Enjoy.
words: simon pearson
10 09 04
out about the latest
USSU campaigns to
seeing what societies
are active within the
Union.
And now we need
a webteam to carry
on the good work
that’s been happening over the summer. The website can’t
update itself you know! Even if you’ve never touched HTML
before you don’t need to worry because everything is done
online through the website. Even the most computer illiterate
person will be able to change the content (if the VP Comms
can do it, anyone can!! [ed - thanks Piers!])
We don’t just need people to add content though. If you’re a
bit of a wiz kid with PHP or ASP, or you can create works of
art with Photoshop, HTML or CSS then the webteam needs
you. There are going to be a fair few projects to get your
teeth into over the next year, so if you’re interested then drop
into the Media office in the Activities Centre in the Union or
email me: cs11pk@surrey.ac.uk.
words: piers karsenbarg, webmaster
Calling all language learners!
Check out both foreign languages and English with
the Language Centre, Austin Pearce building.
Are you going abroad on work placement? Are you thinking of
Beijing in 4 years time? Have you fallen in love over the summer
and are finding it hard to communicate with your new friend from
Spain/ Poland / Russia? Don’t worry! The Language Centre can
help you; come and register on the Languages for All programme,
and you will be assigned a weekly two-hour class in the language
of your choice.
There are an amazing 11 languages to choose from, and it won’t
cost you a penny. Levels range from complete beginners to post
A level, so if you gave up a language a couple of years ago, you
might be able to pick it up again, or you can start another from
scratch. What’s more, you can register for a UniS Certificate at the
end of the course, which will show that you attended regularly and
achieved the course aims.
Remember: these courses are for all UniS students, are
practical and fun!Check out languages and levels on the web:
www.surrey.ac.uk/TLC.
Registration will be in the Lecture Theatre concourse from Monday
20th – Wednesday 22nd September. Classes start week beginning
26th September!
Now what about your English? Yes, the Language Centre can
help you with that as well. There is an essay writing course for
native English speakers, and a complete programme of English
Language Support classes for students whose native language
is not English. Registration for English is 5th, 6th and 7th October
in the Lecture Theatre foyer, and classes begin on Monday 11th
October.
32 alumni
Amy Price of the Alumni & Development Office welcomes back current students for their next academic year and
explains further about the Alumni Society.
Like the freshers who will be joining us
soon, it is also my first year here . . . not
as a student, however, but as a new
member of the Alumni & Development
Office, although I did graduate from
Surrey, back in 1998 (why does that
sound so long ago now ?!).
I had an amazing 4 years
at Surrey, studying Hotel
& Catering Management
and took with me some
great memories and
a wonderful group of
friends, with who I now
remain in regular contact.
After working in London for
4 years and then travelling
through Australia and Asia, I have
found myself drawn back to Guildford
and the University in my new role here as
Alumni Events Officer.
So much has changed since I left
Surrey, new buildings have sprung up
throughout the campus, for the School of
Management and the European Institute
of Health & Medical Sciences, more
accommodation with International House
and Millennium House and most of the
restaurants and bars have changed. It
has all improved for you to enjoy, but it
is great as a graduate to have seen how
the campus has evolved and to realise
the role that the Surrey Alumni Society
plays.
I would like to explain more on who we
are and what we do and how we could
help you in the future. . .
Who are we?
The Alumni & Development Office is
now based on the first floor of Senate
House We are the main link between the
University and graduates, old staff and
friends of the University.
So what is the Surrey Alumni
Society?
barefacts@ussu.co.uk
We offer various services to our 30,000 +
graduates. Once you have graduated, we
become your main point of contact with
the University - we send you magazines,
newsletters, organise reunions and assist
in networking opportunities. But now,
we also give our Alumni a real
chance to remain involved
with the University by
contributing to its future
via the Annual Fund.
What is an Annual
Fund and how is it
used?
As financial support for
universities from central
government declines,
we have to seek alternative
sources of income and our
aim is to approach our Alumni for help.
This ongoing fund aims to help talented
students obtain a university education,
regardless of their background, through
the provision of scholarships and
essential financial support. A proportion
of the fund is also used to improve
campus facilities beyond the scope of the
University’s core funding.
Is it successful?
To date, we have had donations from
the UK and from as far a field as China
and Canada. We are also pleased
that Penelope Keith
OBE, actress,
former Sheriff
of Surrey and
an Honorary
Graduate of
the University of
Surrey, continues
as the Patron of
the Fund. More than
£170,000 was pledged to our Annual
Fund since its launch in 2003.
What is the telephone campaign and
how can I help?
Remembering that students will benefit
10 09 04
from this fund ! As part of the
programme, we will run a telephone
campaign again this year from
mid October, for one month, in
which current students will contact
graduates in their own discipline.
We will recruit and employ a team
of 40+ students to call our Alumni
and discuss the new opportunities
that the Fund offers. This is not only
an ideal opportunity for students to
earn money before Christmas and to
speak to past graduates, but also the
perfect chance to help promote the
Annual Fund.
How do I find out more?
For more information about
the Telephone Campaign e-
mail Amintha Buckland at
a.buckland@surrey.ac.uk.
For general Alumni updates, keep
reading Barefacts – look out for our
update section each fortnight and
visit the Alumni & Development Office
website: www.surrey.ac.uk/alumni.
TELEPHONE
CAMPAIGN
UPDATE
We are recruiting now for our
October telephone campaign.
Email a.buckland@surrey.ac.uk
to request an information pack
and application form. Closing
date for applications is Friday 17th
September 2004.
Please see our full page advert in
this issue.
 careers 33

u s s r e p l i e s .. .
Dr. R
I’ve just got back and am in a panic about
d postgraduate students will have their own copy delivered to
fitting in job-hunting with my final year
studies. Got any good advice?
Some students like to concentrate entirely on their studies in
their final year so they can get the best possible degree. Your
first option is therefore to delay the whole career thing until
after you graduate. There are good reasons, though, for doing
some of your thinking and preparation while you’re still here.
For a start, most of the things we are organising will be easier
to attend now than after you’ve graduated. What’s more, if you
would like a job next year with a popular graduate recruiter such
as Mars or Accenture, you simply have to meet their deadlines,
often before Christmas, to stand any chance. Early applications
for other options such as teacher training are also advisable.
What can the Careers Service do to help?
Just to give you a few examples, our Vacancy Bulletin,
which you can view on the Careers Service web-site at http:
//portal.surrey.ac.uk/careers will keep you up-to-date with the
latest employer requirements. The annual Careers Fair is on
Thursday 7 October when you could talk informally to people
from about 50 organisations. We also have a series of talks by
careers staff and invited speakers taking place throughout the
semester. You could come along to a seminar to sharpen up
your interview technique or you could try a practice aptitude
test.
How can I find out more?
Every year we produce a Careers Service Guide offering help
and advice for your future career. It will tell you what’s going
on throughout the year. Every final year undergraduate and
their department. If it’s not there, try your departmental office
first and then the Careers Service. We have loads of spare
copies for students who are new to Surrey as well.
Where is the Careers Service?
In case you haven’t visited us before, we live next to the
Accommodation Office in the Philip Marchant Building. We
are open between 9am and 12.30pm and between 1.30pm
and 5.30pm, though we close at 5pm on Fridays and during
vacations.
Is it OK to just drop in?
Absolutely no problem. You don’t even have to talk to
anyone but we are there to help if you need us. The first
thing you will see when you walk in are a series of files
marked “Your degree….. What next?” A browse through the
one for your degree will give you ideas about what to do
when you leave. If you’d like to speak to a careers adviser
there is often someone available to deal with a short query. If
you think you’d like a longer chat then we can easily arrange
a time which is suitable for you.
words: Russ Clark, Careers Office

CAREERS EVENTS COMING UP...

CHOOSING A CAREER
MONDAY 13 SEPTEMBER
1 – 1.45 pm in LT F
Dr Russ Clark, Head of the Careers
Service, will suggest a number of ways
to help you to make a good career choice.
He will include examples of careers open
to graduates who want to consider jobs
unrelated to their degrees.
PERSONALITY AND CAREER CHOICE*
WEDNESDAY 15 SEPTEMBER
2 pm in LT B
Based on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator
to help you relate various aspects of your
personality to your future career.
A CAREER IN THE FOREIGN &
COMMONWEALTH OFFICE
THURSDAY 16 SEPTEMBER
6 pm in LT F
Jon Benjamin, a Surrey graduate, will talk
about careers in the Diplomatic Service,
including tips on how to get in (and get
on) as well as telling anecdotes from his
own career.
weeks 2 and 3
.CAREERS USING LANGUAGES
MONDAY 20 SEPTEMBER
1 pm in LT A
Russ Clark will talk about the broad range
of careers which enable a graduate to use
languages at work including translating,
teaching and interpreting as well as jobs in
government, finance, commerce, transport
and tourism and the media. This talk is suitable
for those studying languages as well as those
who have gained competent language skills
through other means.
HOW TO GET THE JOB YOU WANT
TUESDAY 21 SEPTEMBER
6 pm in LT F
Glynis Paxton, Careers Adviser, will discuss
how to go about your job hunting effectively,
when to do it, how to use the Careers Fair,
and what makes a successful job hunting
strategy.
GETTING STARTED*
WEDNESDAY 22 SEPTEMBER
2.00-4.30pm in LT J
This workshop is to help students who have no
definite career ideas and who wish to do some
self assessment exercises to get started.
The exercises will help you to identify your
interests, abilities, values and personality and
will help you to relate these to career choice.
Please register with Careers if you wish to
attend or e-mail c.greaves@surrey.ac.uk.
Employer Presentation
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIC
SERVICE
THURSDAY 23 SEPTEMBER
6 pm in LT M
Details of opportunities for economists.
For graduates expecting a 2.1 in
economics or a combined degree with a
50 per cent economics content.
 L O O K I N G F O R A PA R T T I M E
J O B?

The Students’ Union has a range of opportunities

available for students to work part time on campus.

Vacancies are available in the bars, restaurant, shop

and finance.

We offer excellent rates of pay, flexible working

conditions and training opportunities.

A Recruitment Day will be held in the Union from

10.00 a.m.-3.00 p.m. on Thursday 23rd September
2004.

If you are unable to attend the Recruitment

Days further information can be obtained from
Caroline Royle, Personnel Manager, by emailing
c.royle@surrey.ac.uk.
 puzzles 35

Crossword The barefacts crossword is back, and to celebrate its return, we have a prize to give away!
All correct entries received by Friday 17th September will be put in a hat and the winner will become the proud owner of a
Simpsons corkscrew set comprising a Krusty corkscrew, a Mr. Burns foil knife and a Grampa wine stopper! So get solving and
drop your entries into the Media Office by next Friday to be in with a chance of winning. The answers will be published next
week.

1 2 3 4 5 ACROSS
1. Angel, Victoria, Tugela (9)
28. sweet pastry (5,3)

6 6. St. George is to England

29. citizens of the USA
(9)
7 8 as St. Andrew is to Scotland
(6)
9 10 7. state of immense
DOWN
happiness (8)
11 12 9. to use one’s voice as an 1. tool (6)
2. Spanish snack (5)
13 14 instrument (4)
10. type of bean (3) 3. tree (3)
15 11. pillow (8) 4. consumed (3)
13. dull pain (4) 5. alphabetical
16 17 18 14. number of points scored information resource
(12)
19 20 21 by Gemini in Eurovision
8. attack (7)
2003 (3)
22 15. fuel (3) 10. Californian city (5,7)
12. vacation (7)
16. pastoral (5)
23 19. Noddy policeman (4) 15. geometric shape
20. rile bert (anag.) (8) (7)
24 22. once more; again (4) 17. surrendered (7)
25 26 27 23. type of lamp (4) 18. construct (6)
24. shinbone (5) 21. e.g.(7)
25. protective covering (7) 26. quick snooze (3)
28 29 27. see 28 across

Lyrics Quiz
No theme to this fortnight’s lyric quiz, just a random selection of lyrics, submitted by Ben Lee. If you fancy
writing the lyrics quiz, get in touch: barefacts@ussu.co.uk. Answers to this week’s are overleaf on page
37!

1. It’s a wonder men can eat at all when things are big that should be small
2. Its been raining since you left me, now I’m drowning in the flood
3. Did you come here to play jesus, to the lepers in your head?
4. As soon as I wake up, every night, every day, I know that its you I need to take the blues away
5. You’re just like an angel, your skin makes me cry
6. My buddies and me are getting real well known, yeah the bad guys know us and they leave us alone
7. Now for ten years we’ve been on our own, and moss grows fat on a rolling stone
8. I see trees of green, red roses too, I see them bloom for me and you
9. She turn around to see what you beepin at, its like the summers a natural aphrodisiac
10. When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed with a word she can get what she came for

If you want to submit a puzzle to tax the brains of your fellow students, e-mail the barefacts team at
barefacts@ussu.co.uk!
36 sport barefacts@ussu.co.uk 10 09 04

Painting a brighter future...

Having spent the summer in a hardcore training camp, forced into a Spartan regime of beer and
barbeques, I also travelled to a foreign acclimation camp in far off Cardiff just to have a better
understanding of what Surrey’s very own Kirsten Lawson went through in Athens. There has
also been research into alternative sports through the B.U.S.A. Equity Conference and Amy,
our able Activities Co-ordinator, became a founder member of Millennium Stadium Walking
Club.

In all seriousness though, how time flies… it’s been a hectic summer here at the Union with
time flying by much quicker than it normally does. After a year of consolidation its time to move
on and leave the past behind. This year gives the opportunity to move the goal posts and take
Surrey sport to the level we all know it should be.

Although the summer is not seen as the most active time for sport teams there have been Surrey students at the highest levels
of sport. Not only have we had Kirsten Lawton (our very own local Olympian) but also Colin Roope becoming the English
Universities golf captain for the tournament in Wales last month.

With Surrey already making its mark through the summer lets hope we can keep this level up and really give us something to
celebrate as the year goes on. If the commitment level and staying power for most clubs last year is anything to go by we’re
looking good.

words: david ‘paintbrush’ glossop, vp sports

SCORPIONS AIMING FOR

NATIONALS
While many of Surrey’s the night to catch up on all the
students spent the first day of drinking time they had missed
term catching up with friends earlier in the afternoon!
and enjoying a lazy drink or
two in Chancellors, a small, The Scorpions have a hard task
ahead of them this year if they
dedicated band were finding
want to live up to the standards
out just how out of shape the set by the last 18 months, having
summer had left them. reached three tournament finals,
winning two of them, and having
The newly-renamed University qualified for the second division
of Surrey “Scorpions” Ultimate of the national championships
team began pre-season training, amid much puffing, panting, indoors and outdoors for the first time. However, they
groaning and cries of “Can have a pint yet?!” At this point expect to surpass those achievements this year, and are
however, there is probably one question on most people’s lips aiming for qualification into the first division of the National
– “What the hell is Ultimate?” Championship finals, which would lift them into the elite top
sixteen student teams in the country.
Ultimate is a fast-paced, athletic team sport played with a
flying disc (or a frisbee to most normal people!). It incorporates So, if you are fed up with always playing the same old sports
elements from a variety of sports, including american football and want a new challenge, come along and try Ultimate
and netball. Played indoors and out by teams of five or seven with the University of Surrey Scorpions. You can find us at
players, the aim is to score a goal by catching the disc in your our stall and see our demonstrations at Freshers’ Fair, or
opponents’ end-zone, a rectangular area at the end of the alternatively, just turn up at the Unisport hall on Sundays
pitch. 12-2, or the NatWest field on Wednesdays 2-4 and see what
its all about.
Having finished their first full training session, the team did just
about make it to Chancellors, where they stayed for the rest of words: mark richardson
 farewell 37

the man with a thousand hidden talents

(he’s just not sure where he put them yet...)

Name: Shaggy
Nicknames: Rob, Hagrid, fat handed foul
Age: Ripe
Place most likely to be found: At a bar (one side or the other)

Fact: 38 pints of Guinness consumed in 24 hours.

Fiction: Shaggy is a fine wine connoisseur and once a year
travels to the Loire valley in search of undiscovered gems.

Fact: His greatest achievement is having his name above the

door of his local alehouse in Cornwall for downing the quickest
half yard.
Fiction: Shaggy lives for beer.

Fact: Shaggy has size thirteen feet.

Fiction: You know what they say about men with big feet (you
can make up your own mind on that one...

Through rain, sleet, snow and fuel strikes this man

has kept us plied with alcohol. We are talking about
a man who takes dedication to a new high. He’s lost
countless nights of sleep through stress along with,
his keys, his hair and some even say his marbles.
However as with most good things in life they must
come to an end. Shaggy may we salute you and
the work that you have put into the Union, and most
importantly, wish you all the luck and success in the
world with your new venture.
words: david ‘paintbrush’ glossop, vp sports

Answers to the Lyric Quiz on page 35

1. Jamiroquai - Virtual Insanity 2. Bon Jovi – Always 3. U2 – One 4. Madness – It must be love 5. Radiohead – Creep 6. Beach Boys – I get round
7. Don McLean – American Pie 8. Louis Armstrong – What a wonderful world 9. Fresh Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff – Summertime 10. Led Zeppelin
– Stairway to Heaven