THE SKINNY PREACHER WITH THE BIG FAT MOUTH

When I lived in California many years back I visited a “radical” Christian church
which teaches you must perform lots of good works and continually mourn over your
human weaknesses in order to stay saved. One of the most sickening scenes I ever
witnessed in any church happened there one night. A visiting speaker invited people
up for prayer. One (very large) man went up to ask prayer for a bad leg.
Hmmm….now there’s one sin a self-righteous Pharisee can sink his fangs into!
Instead of seeing a fellow human being created in God’s image, all that “evangelist”
saw was a fat guy who ought to be ashamed of himself! He had mean eyes like a
snake about to strike, and I didn’t sense the love of Jesus in his attitude. Instead of
showing a little sympathy and just praying, the preacher told the man he was sure
his weight was to blame for his bad leg, and he needed to ask God’s forgiveness for
being big. So in front of everybody present, the man had to repeat a self-flagellating
“prayer of repentance” composed by that religious bully.
Think about it. What if some skinny teenage girl had gone forward to get healed
of muscle atrophy, hair loss, fragile bones and bleeding gums? Would the preacher
have automatically accused the girl of starving herself, or would he have showered
tender-hearted sympathy on her? Would the alleged anorexic have had to publicly
“pray” for forgiveness for being a frequent faster, even if her symptoms were caused
by a rare metabolic disorder? Bigots can be very inconsistent. It is a SIN to judge
men’s hearts by their outward appearance (John 7:24; James 2:1)!
If the fat man was a true believer in Christ, Scripture says this about him: He is
the RIGHTEOUSNESS of God in Christ Jesus (2 Cor.5:21). Period. The Bible makes
no exceptions for race, color, gender, or…size, which today, in 2010, happens to be
the last acceptable bastion of prejudice. Before assembled witnesses the preacher
made that man wallow in a hog pen of guilt, but there is NO CONDEMNATION to
those in Christ Jesus. Until the Rapture changes everyone into beauty kings and
queens, Christians come in all shapes and sizes. Christians are not like a pack of
eggs, all white and weighing exactly one ounce! Most eggs are brown where I live,
but they’re just as tasty as white ones!
Weight gain (or loss) usually has to do with simple math, not morality. I’ve
known some people who can lay around and watch TV all day long and eat like a
horse, but never gain an ounce. Normal people don’t have to pig out to gain weight.
All it takes is consistently taking in just ten (10) calories more per day than you
burn to put on one pound in one year.
What the preacher made that poor man repeat was an outrage: “Lord, forgive
me, I have committed a terrible sin against You. I am a glutton,” along with other
rub-your-nose-in-it “confessions”. Not one word was asked by that spiritual butcher
about the man’s overall health, or whether he was depressed or just needed a
brother to just love him as a person! He got treated like a dirty dumpster by a bird-
brained bigot just because he didn’t have a bod that “glorified God”.
Larger people are thought stereotyped as stupid and lazy, too thick-skinned to
have feelings. Some try to overcome their cosmetic handicaps through a jolly
personality which can laugh off any insult. But many people, whatever their size,
have been kicked around so much they’re fragile as glass and think they need some
preacher’s approval to justify their own existence! If that poor guy had been aware
of his own value in the sight of God, instead of groveling in front of that jerk he
might have given the preacher a bolder confession and walked out. I guess I didn’t
have much self-esteem then, either. I’d been programmed to believe the widespread
lie that preachers, as “God’s anointed” are beyond rebuke as being the Big Chiefs,
while us poor peasants parked out in the folding chairs are just little nobodys in
God’s Kingdom waiting to get verbal whippings from our “spiritual dads”.
That preacher reminded me of the self-righteous Pharisee Jesus talked about in
Luke 18.

Luke 18: 9 And he spake this parable unto certain which trusted in themselves that
they were righteous, and despised others:
10 Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a
publican.
11 The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am
not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican.
12 I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess.
13 And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto
heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner.
14 I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for
every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall
be exalted.

Notice, the loud-mouthed Pharisee in the above passage flatters himself that God
counts him as being righteous based on outward performance, while looking down on
the sinful publican (tax collector). The Pharisee brags about fasting two whole days
a week while the fat cat publican lives it large. Just like the proud preacher who said
in his own way: “I’m godlier than you are because I don’t eat as much as you do.
Even if I do live high on the hog in other ways, with my big fat tithes and offerings,
first-class air travel, and the power I hold over the lives of others.”
After the big man sat down, I went up to tell the preacher I’d just gotten home
from a cross-country bus trip and they’d lost my luggage, so would he please pray
that I’d get my stuff back?
As if picking on the fat guy wasn’t enough of a thrill pill for the preacher, he
sneered and asked: “Sister? Do you serve the Lord?”
I’d come to church to be refreshed, not to be beaten up spiritually. I already
took enough horse manure at work. I didn’t voice my thoughts, which went like this:
I work like a slave everyday and when I get home, I’m dead. When do I ever get
time to do any big purpose in life?
What a loaded question! I said something like: “I think so” (at least I prayed
everyday, tired or not).
Well, His High-and-Mighty Holiness looked at me like a lowly maggot and replied:
“Sister, I serve the Lord, and I NEVER lose MY luggage when I travel. God takes
good care of His slaves.” Does that smell of a “Job’s comforter”?
His words fit his theology, because he called himself God’s slave, not His son!
He’d taken a big bite out of that fat man to punish him for an unforgiveable sin that
was visible to the naked eye. What a big meal he made of that poor man! Now that
preacher wanted to have ME for dessert. Nothing wrong with my appearance, so
like a little god he searched my heart for something to criticize. Something bad had
happened to me, so he reasoned that I wasn’t working hard enough for God. Now
that’s a tidbit to chew on! If only he’d looked in the mirror and asked himself why
instead of radiating the joy of the Lord, he looked like he was choking down sour
lemons and was trying to force them down everyone else’s throat!
I should have told that preacher it’s easy to be “spiritual” and serve “the Lord”
when you’re flying high on other people’s loot and don’t have to serve cranky
customers day in and day out. So until you’ve walked a mile in my worn-out work
shoes, buster, and YOUR feet were as sore as mine, you’ve got no room to criticize
ME!
I was irked at that preacher, but admittedly it was the fat man did get the worst
of that man’s “ministry”. Even if it WAS his fault of for being big, was that rude
preacher so sinless that God ordained him to humiliate others before the whole
assembly? While it’s unhealthy to devour twice as many calories as you need, “biting
and devouring one another” just might be equally offensive to God (Gal.5:15).
Today’s typical institutional church reflects not Christ, but the world and its values.
Gaunt, airbrushed magazine models set the standard for social acceptability, not
women whose beauty lies within. Immorality and divorce abound. Even professing
churchgoers sometimes stray off the straight and narrow enough to fill their mind
with filth from TV and the Internet. Where’s the outcry in the Body of Christ about
THOSE sins of excess?
Even Christians lust for glory and gold (James 4:1-6). That’s what “success” is all
about. Give to get, confess you’re blessed, pricey suits, loads of loot, detox and
Botox can fix just about any sin under the sun that’s worth worrying about. Only
cosmetic sins can cripple a Christian’s progress. Inward flaws can be airbrushed
away as lovable human quirks. But being poor, plain or plump is unforgiveable!
Oddly enough the New Testament has much more to say about greed for money
than greed for a bucket of chicken. It says nothing about outward beauty being a
prerequisite for “representing Jesus”! The Old Testament is full of comments about
certain men and women being beautiful in face or form. But NOT ONE comment will
you find in the New Testament praising some Christian’s looks. Churches run
Christian dieting clubs to “get skinny for Jesus so you’ll be a good testimony for
Him.” But little concern is shown about the rampant divorce rate in “church
leadership” and preachers’ voracious appetite for women, fancy cars, money,
mansions and power. So long as the preacher’s rich and thin, that’s all that counts.
Gluttony for illicit sex, power and money doesn’t raise an eyebrow in today’s carnal,
worldly church, even if such licentiousness does condemn a soul to the devil’s
barbecue pit in the world to come!
Like a nodding sheep I let the preacher pray for the recovery of my lost luggage,
but I should have put confidence in God only, not in some professional “pray-er”.
That preacher made my skin crawl just being in his presence! Instead of exuding the
sweet fragrance of our Savior, he gave off the self-righteous odor of a rotting skunk!
How could someone so unlike Jesus possibly claim to be His representative? I’ll
NEVER let any arrogant preacher look down his nose at me ever again! Those days
are gone forever! I wish someone had had the guts to stand up for that fat man and
tell that preacher that God is more worried about people being “sinny” than getting
skinny. Funny, I can’t find that verse where Jesus asks someone to step on the
scale before He agrees to heal them!
Since that phony Pharisee was into self-humiliation as being a cure for sin,
whether real or imagined, what better penance could there have been for somebody
like him than to take the same medicine he rammed down other people’s throats!
That phony baloney should have humbled himself in the sight of the Lord (James
4:10). Instead of feeling good about cutting the fat man down to size he should
have made a public confession that went something like this: “Please pray for me,
saints. I just committed a terrible sin against a brother in Christ. I just violated John
7:24 by judging according to outward appearance. That man might be bigger than
me but I’ve got the biggest, meanest mouth on planet Earth. I’m a guilt peddler who
pounds repentance into people I know nothing about. I’m a glory glutton who brags
about my blessings. I’m a vicious vulture who feeds off the failures and faults of
others. I’m a skinny scoundrel with a Texas-sized ego that constantly needs feeding.
I’m a bitter little bully with a withered heart. I need to cut bigger people down to
size to make ME feel bigger! Maybe it’s not such a terrible sin to chow down on a
bag of Dunkin Donuts. If I kept my big fat mouth busy on a bucket of chicken, at
least I wouldn’t be chewing up my big brother. So, y’all please pray for me that I’ll
never again open my mean old mouth unless it’s just to eat. If I never opened my
mouth unless it was to eat, I’d do far less damage to the Kingdom of God! Can y’all
say ‘amen’!
May the good Lord hasten the day that proud preachers who know all about
everybody else’s sins become humble enough to see their own.

*****

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