Tl'le

··vv o ::~ 1 <i

l
I i

I!
iI
* * *
Murier. Leve. Herrer. Sus,ense.
All this and much more in the most
amazing short stories ever written-
each one just 55 words long!

Compiled and Edited by Steve Moss

Illustrations b y Glen Starkey

RUNN I NG PRE SS
P H IL AD ELPHIA • LONDON
© 1998, 1995 by SLev<:: Moss

All rights reserved under the Pan-i\mcrican <1nd

International Copyright Convenrion~

Primed m the United States

ThiJ book may not be reprodwd in 11tolc or in pari, in any jrmn or by any means, electronic For my jathe~
or mrdxmica!, indudingphotocoppng, recording, or by an)' infomtation stomge and retrinldl
J)'Jtmt flOP.' Jmo)Jin or hereafter iYFJJmted, without writtm permiJJion fivm the pubhilxr. Harry Waltet Moss)
9 8 7 6 5
a man of many words who
Digit on rhe right indicates the number of rhis priming would nevertheless have
Library of Congress Cacaloging-in-Publicarion Number 97-66805 enjoyed this book.
ISBN 0-7624-0300-4

This book may be ordered by mall from che publisher.

Please include $2.50 for postage and handling.
But II)' your bookstorefi'ntl

Running Press Book Publishers

125 South Twcnry-sccond Srrw
Philaddphta, Pennsylvania 19103-4399
 SPECI A L TH AN K.S C ONTENTS...
To Bev Johnson for bdievmg in me right from the starr, and for so
much more; and co John Kokor, who goc me starred one cold wimcr Introduction ... ... 6
day in Syracuse, NY (and I don't mean my car). Thanks also to Alex
Zuniga, accomplice and art director extraordinaire; and to Roland
Sweet, man of many talents- both weird and otherwise-and fearless W ith Murder in Mind ......... ... .... 11
champion of absurdities everywhere.
Thanks also to Robin Bell for her constant encouragements
and gracious help throughout; to Rich Udell of Harcourr Brace Yes, Love Happens~ .. .... ........... _,_,_. 53
Jovanovich, Inc., who rook rime to help me lay the groundwork when
this was bm a fledgling idea; to M. Scott Radovich for his always usdul
counsel and good humor; to Ken Simon for reasons I can't pinpoinr
exactly, bur who somehow had a hand in all this; and to Dean Chri.l-
The Streets of the City ..... .... ...... 101
tianson and his many ralemed writing students over the years.
And thanks also ro Steve Rupp and Diane Urbani for their com·
menrs and suggestions; to Tim Haggerty for his enthusiasm and
Yonder ... .. . . ...... . ........ .. . .. .. . 141
confidence when the project began; to Richard Jahnke, who rook a
chance with me way back when; to Sandy Young and Terry and Penny
Davies of rhe Earthling Bookshop for their years of helpful span· Fu rther Voices . . ..................... 175
sorships; and to John Daniel for his unhesitating generosity and
encouragement, who poinred me in rhc righc direccion righc when I
needed ir. Fifty-Five Fiction: The Rules .. .. ... . . 217

I NTRODUCTIO N
H ow short can a srory be and S[ill be considered a story? Ch;u·lcs
Schultz had an answer to char C]uescion several years ago in his
"Peanuts" comic srrip. Crabby old Lucy was once asked by Linus to
pleas14-please, please tell him a srory. Lucy grudgingly obl iged. Said she:
'A man was born. He lived and died. The end.''
That's rhe shortest story I've ever read. Bur, like Lmus, I was left
somewhar dissatisfied.
So maybe the question should be <~skeJ differently: How shon can
a story be and still be considered a good srory? \Vhat's the briefest pos-
sible narrative that still allows for a satisfying read? r chink I've found
the answer. A.nd since you'r~: holding this book in your hands right
nov.r, that means you have, too.
Consider for a moment that the paragraph you just finished read-
.ing conrains ex~~dy 55 words. Ir's an absurdly tiny number. No, it's an
impossibly tiny number. So how could ir allow for any kind of scope or
qualityI All I know rs rhat's rhe length of a typical Fifty-Five Fierion
srory, and that it does. I also know that in the following pages, you'll find
murder and suspense, horror and imrigue, love and betrayal, plus dis-
tant worlds and inner demons. All in a measly 55 words.
'When I announced rhc first Flfry-Five Ficrion contest in the fall
6
Introduction
of 1987, ir was a gamble. I wasn't really sure writers could pull it off.
Admittedly, most stories sent ro us that year weren't very good, but
every now and then a riny gem would shihc up from the typewritten
page, submitted by someone who truly understood the genre. I've often
tried explaining these 55-word creations co people, but most of them
think I'm crazy. Now I have rhis book to show them, a collection culled
from the cop stories sem ro us over the years.
If you've already glanced through these pages, you know what I'm
talking about. You've probably also noticed that many stories have
something in common besides their stingy word count: the surprise
ending Many writers have sensed that wirh so litde ro work with, the
successful Fifty-Five Fiction short srory demands something extra to
create a satisfying payoff, and rhey have plotted rheir tales accordingly.
The famous "Twilight Zone" episode featunng Burgess Meredith
as a bespectacled bookworm who finds himself the sole survivor of a
nuclear holocaust, and who breaks his glasses amidst books aplenty,
could easily have been written as a Fifty-Five Fiction srory.
Fifty-Five Fiction is storytelling ar 1ts very leanest, where each
word is chosen with utmost care on irs way to achieving its fullest effect.
It's whar 0. Henry might have conjured up if he'd had only the back of
a business card ro write upon, or what "T he T\.vilight Zone" would have
been like if it were only a minme long. It's H. H. Munro's famous mini-
shorr srorics written even smaller.
Fifty-Five Fiction is fanciful and murderous, speculative and
absurd, creepy and touching, and just plain wild. But most of all,
Fifry-Five Fiction is fun, which is exacdy what reading and writing
are supposed ro be. \Vrirers more accustomed to stretching our
leisurely across the page would find ~:heir attempts at Fifcy-Five Fiction
frustrating.
James Michener would have a rime of it.
7
 The World 's Shorte;;;t Stories
Introduction

Bur maybe not. Some vvho've taken the Fifty-Five Fiction chal- Bur would Linus have. been satisfied after reading a Fifty-Five
lenge have later said chat the discipLne of making every word counr Fiction story? Does such a stingy word counr allow for a really satisfy-
easily transferred to their longer works, and char this righrly focused ing read? You already know what I think.
exercise in literary minirnalism ultimatdy hdpcd them write more As James Thomas-whose srories had a limit of 750 words-said
judicious longer prose. in rhe introduction to his "Flash Fiction" an thology (W W Narron
That's why Fifty-Five Fiction shouldn't be viewed as little more & Co.), "Like all fiction that matters, their success depends nor on their
chan shorr-attention-span fiction for the MTV generation. Instead, it's length, bur on their depth, their clarity of vision, their human signifi-
become a jumping-off point for new fiction writers testing the wacers cance-the extenr to which the reader can recognize in. chem rhe real ·
of their imagmations when the water (not to mencion that empty page stuff of real life."
in from of them) seems vast and iruimidacing. Many who began wrir- I don't rhink I could say it any better.
mg Fifty-Five Fiction have gone on to successfully tackle much longer All I know ts that Fifty-Five Ftction writers say ir shorter.
srories. I'd like to think at least one of them is now finishing up a first
novel-and that it's 555 pages long. Sreve Moss
The challenge of Fifty-Five Fiction can be daunting. Paring plot San Luis Obispo, CA
and narrative down co their utter essences and thinking hard abour 1995
each word and judging irs appropriateness are pan of rhe Fifty-Five
Fiction process. ft's difficult to describe to non-writers rhe imdlecrual
joy of the eHort, the emotional rush of creating something small, orderly,
and beautiful out of absolurely nothing.
Vlhen 0. Henry finished writing ''The Gift of the Magi," he must
have fdt something similar. No doubt H. H. Munro did, roo, when he
completed his cla.1sic mini-story, "The Open Window:"
One thing I didn't expect was thar wriring instructOrs would rake
a fancy to Fifty-Five Fiction. Bm rhey have. I've received letters of
praise- and hundreds of student samples- from both high school and
college teachers who've been using ir regularly and enthusiastically over
the years. One creativc-\ovriring teacher put it this v.ray: "The srudcms
have learned word economy, editing skills, and rhe basic essentials of the
short story in a very simple and easy-co-cake manner. And to cop it off,
ir was fun."

8 9
 1V i tl1
Ivlu:cde :c
in Ivlind.
* * *
 With Murder in Mind

BEDTIME STORY

i
.!
..
"C .
areful, hon_e)~ it's loaded:" he said,
re-entering the bedroon1. -~,.
. I
Her back rested against the headboard.
..
: :J ,
"This for vour
I
vvife?"
'~No. Too chancy I'rn .hii-ing a
professional."
"How about me?"
He sn1irked. "Cute. But. who'd be
dumb enough to hire a lady )1it rnan?"
She \Vet her lips, sighting along
the barrel.
"Your \vife."

JEFFREY WHITMOR E

·' ........ . , . .
"

.: .•,... . ;!
13
• • •• • • .. ~:-. ·:.. ., : ...... - • :. : ~-- J',.

The World's Shortest Stories
ACCIDENTS
R egma!d Cooke had buried chree wives
before he n1arried Cecile Northwood.
"Tragic accidents," he told her.
"Ho\v sad," replied Cecile. "Were they
. . . V\realthy?"
~t\.nd bcatttiful," said Reginald.
They honeymooned in the Alps.
Later, Cecile told her ne\v husband'
"You know; darling, n1y first husband died
in a tragic mountaineering accident."
"How sad," replied Justin Marlo\v.
..·,_(. -.
MA RK C OHEN
14
With Murder in Mind
MuRDER Mu·sr
AD\TERTI SE
S wide adventurer seeks female for candle-
h't dinner ...
Shivering \Vith anticipation, Laur~
enters the secluded beach estate. She rings .
The door s·wings open . . . .
By candlelight, piranhas jerk and
devour the last chunks of flesh and blond
hair.
"That's nineteen,t) coos Lucretia,
applying Law-a's burgundy lipstick. "My
nevv wardrobe'll kill 'en1!"
Fe1nal~ munlerou.rb'fashionabl~ seeks
adventuresome male...
L. J. B A RN ET T
1~
 Th e World's Shor t e st Stori es

Dwn breaks in two.

·o amn.
I liked Dawn. Nice girl. Weak back,
though.
Oh, well.
H ave
. ' to burv her somewhere. In the
. /

basen1en~n1aybe?
What's that?
Dusk arrives. She's earlv j

Too early. Have to kill her roo.

Too bad.
Nice girl.
Guess I'll be busy tonight.
From Dusk to Da\vn.

BRU CE H ARMOR

16
 The World's Shortest Storie s
With Murder in Mind

DEATH AND THE U NDE R STU DY

DENOUEMENT
"~
''n
~tty grisly; eh Jacques?"
l.he show must go on," said the
director when the star dropped dead
"Sickening. Any angles?" .
moments before act one. The star, not the
"\Vell, a pattern does seem to be
understudy; would play the corpse tonight.
e1nerg.ing, lieutenant. Yesterday, homicide
The understudy changed quickly. His
found a copy of Death ofa Sales1nan at the
perfonnance vvas inspired. The star \Vas
1nurder site; today, so1ne nut goes and
flawless in his final role.
vvhacks this ·Fuller Brush guy"
The understudy; fingering the syringe
"Great. A llterarv serial killer. Find
I
in his pocket, bowed to thunderous
any books?,
applause.
"Yes ... The French Lieutenants SHEREE PELLEMIER

'{;{;6man,'.'sir."
JoE HUI3JHL L

18
19
 With Murder in Mind

DE ATH IN THE
AFTERNOON

"C .
orne out from behind the u-.ee:
Louie, so I can spray your brains all over."
"You don'c _have the guts to pull
the trigger."
· ''I've got 1nore guts than you're gonna
have brains.''
"You've got peanuts for brains, Toni' ···
Bang/
".. . and anothcr.I"
Bang/
"Louis! Tony! Supper!"
"Co1n1n,
. 'Mom.I"

PRISC iLLA MtNTLI:\iG

21
 1\ , 1· , 1 1, c~ 1\ N Y c ) N
SORR Y l ASKED

he newlywed heiress oozed, "Poopsy,

rhe sign reads, 'Clairvoyant Canyon.
"I r's a dark night, honey"
She v.nirled to meet the tall man
Call Out a Question. \A!ait for Ansvver- trapping her against her cat~
ing Echoes.',
"So -vvhat do you do, baby?"
Overhanging a guardrait she called, Her arm slashed a silver arc to his
"-boes he .love n1c?"
throat. His shriek became a gurgle.
"-Does he? Does he?" can1e the echo.
She flung the scalpel on the floorboard,
Discon1ficed, she rrjed agajn. "Is
and driving away, said to the \vrithing ·
unhappiness behind me?"
figure: 'Tm a surgeon."
"-Behind you, behind you-" ir W .D . MILLER
- '
prognosticated, just before her new
J .«-...

beneficiary shoved.
.I

CURT H OMAN

22
23
 The Wor l d~ Sh orte st Stories

OU T O F T HE Foe .

Lyn clutched her purse as foorsteps

approached along the fog shrouded lane.
Emily; a fellovv prostitute, e1n erged.
'Any business?" asked Lyn. ·
E1nily shrugged. "Son1e. And you?"
"Not yec, tonight."
"'Tis slow because of The Ripper,"
Emily sighed. "Seems. everyone's afraid
of Jack."
1\.ctually; the full na1ne's 'Jacquelyn,'"
Lyn said, pulling the knife fro1n her purse.
CURT Ho.IviAN

24
 The World~ Sho~test Storie s With Mur der in Mind

ONE RAINY N IGHT TH E MYSTERY

R ain obscured the Georgia country "Y ou needn't look so s1nug, Watson."
road. Jody, driving a stolen truck, braked "Sorry, Holmes. It's just that I believe
suddenly for a \Vhite-unifornled hitchl1iker you're finally stun1ped. You'll never unravel
vvho clin1bed into che cab gasping, "My car this crime."
broke do-vvn!" Hohnes stood up and gestured
. ·"You a doctorF en1phaticaUy wit.b the stem of his pipe.
"Right." 'Tm afraid you're wrong. I do kno\v
"The asylurn?" asked criminally insane \vho killed Mrs. Worthington."
Jody; who'd just fled from there. "Incredible! No witnesses! No clues!
''Yes:" hed murderous William, who'd Who did it?"
just escaped from prison. "I did, Watson."
;.1: ...
TOM FoRD

....... DoLOR EZ RourF.

26 27
 With hlurder in Mind

I ·N T 0 T f-I E N I G· H T

Look, smile, teeth, lips, voice, sexy car,

feel~ apartment, couch, rnusic, dance, lights,
.....
drink., n1oist; dry; soft; firn1, fast: slo\v, caS)~ ·
hard, leg, knee~ chigh, shoulders, breast,
fingers, silky; rough, breath, living roon1,
bedroon1, bathroom, kitchen, basement,
bed, pillow; sheets: shovler, cigarette, coffee,
stockings; brassiere, dress, shin, naked, . .
rattle, door, husband, scramble, kill,
clothes, \Vindow:
DTCK SKEEN

29
~~~----------------~---- ---

The World~ Shortest Stories

With Murder in Mind

GOURMET DECE MBER 8, 1980 ,

C01v1ESTIBLES 5:59P.M.
,,
II W ithy Mrs. W igdswortlls eyes She closed the history book and sighed.
glcan1ed when she ordered tender fillet of "That General Custer. He should never
I filly fron1 Pat R. Hamn1, proprietor of have left the safety of the Dakota territory"
I
Gourn1et Co1nescibles, for a dinner party He vvas in too n1uch of a hurry to
I
honoring the police chief. listen. He picked up his guitar and headed
When her daughter didn't shovv up, the for the door.
chid protnised to find her. He did. "Bloody hdt Yoko. Lee's go. Vle're going
Mr. Hamm \Vas arrested. co be late."
DAvro CoNGALT ON
The chief had indigestion.
Mrs. W igelsvvorch became a vegetarian.
I.
DOLOR EZ ROUPE I
I

I
.I

30 31
 The World's Short e st Stories

FINAL WITNESS

Pandemonium erupted. The next witness

was walking through the courtroom doors.
"Order in the court!" the judge
bello\ved, ciacking his gavel.
All eyes focused on Tommy, who -vvas
sitting on the stand, his rnouch open
in shock.
r(was quite obvious now who'd
murdered his wife.
Noone.
C A NDICE C. MUTSCHLER

32
 The World's Shortest Stories With Murder in Mind

MALICE GRANDMA MEETS

AFORETHOUGHT THE Ax MURDERER

"Y ou stuck hin1 good, Zack Right ' t e crazed ax-murderer approached
betvveen the ribs. Beautiful." Bobbv
. shifted.
/ ' ' the house. Having ravaged the entire
vv.incing as the handcuffs pinched. neighborhood, his sack of booty was
"vVhaddy 1nean, I stuck hin1?" grunted almost full.
Zack, his knees pressed against the cage. "I Alone inside, the old woman sat
tried to stopyou!" knitting. The Inurderer raised his 'blood-
w\Vh,z vou filrhv liar-"
J ; .,' ./ stained ax and rang the porch doorbell.
The officer peered into his rear-vie\v Slovvly, she opened the door and peered
tnirror. "Hev; pal, \Vho you talkin' to into his face.
. ' '
back there?" "Tr·ick or treat!" the little boy shouted.
MIKE PHILLIPS '

DIANE ELLIOT T

34 35
 With Mu~de~ in ~ind

' l'}
..•. .·.
·.,
. .
. ..
.
. ... ~.;;.# '.
'
.
' '
~!
'
-"'

~
.
' '
. .
R oADI<- I LL

-''H ey, Dad, 1' r.:n joining a scavenger

--.-
hunt ronighd"
"Sounds fun, son."
"There's a rurnor we'll have LO find at
kast one roadkill!''
"A roadkill? Grossr'
..So could 1 borrovv the. car?"
"... Okay."
.. Dad, its so nice out this evening, you
oughta go for a walk!"
"... Hrorrun. Think 1 -vvilL Sec you I

,
1.atcr.
"For sure!"

'3 7

•
 The World's Shortest Stories .~
With ·Murder in Mind

I
ON T H E Bus

Since h1S.Rira's brutal murder, Carrer

sits at the vvindo\v
.Were does she get off not allowing
her eyes to·meet n1ine? Why this childish .
No television, reading, correspondence. game? Everyone on the bus is \Vatching.
His life is whatever passes outside those \\!here does she get off ignoring that
curtains. "certain something" between us? She'll
.He doesn't care to leave the room, or I learn the price when I follow her hon1e.
know who furnishes meah pays bills. His l \A/here docs she get off thinking she's
I
\vorld is joggers, changing seasons, passing coo good for me?
I
cars, Rica's ghost. Sixteenth Avenue.·
I J ANE 0 RV IS
Carter doesn't realize padded cells don't
have windo\vs. I
J A N E O RV I S
I
I

38 39
..
The World's Short est Storie.s

THE MAGI C.J AN A.N D

Hi s Ass i STANT

Carmine the Magnificent could not

believe Nina \vas cheating on hin1. Filled
wich anget~ he planned his revenge.
Nina cra\vled into the box on stage for
their finale. Carmine the :Nfagnificent was
indeed magnificent as he \vorked his
magic. When the last sword pierced the
box, there -vvas a cold shriek
'!\bra-cadaver!" exdaitned Carmine.

M AR THA J ARA

40
 The World's Shortest Sto:ries With Murder in Mind

I WANT TO REPORT WINDIGO

A.N ACCIDENT

"C elia, it's all your fault. You'll find

my bloated body in the pool. FarewelL
Umberto."
She stun1bled out, the note in her fist,
and saw me, floating face do\vn, like a
giant fly marooned in Jeli-0.
vVhen she leapt to rescue me, and
remembered she couldn't swim, I got our.
-Convict 338412
.._, ...
TOM FORD
O utside rhe blizzard raged, while
inside the fire hissed and popped. He sat
\Vatching the flames dance.
Frozen they found hin1 \vith dismem-
bered lin1bs stacked nea dy in the fireplace.
I
[ In darkened rooms above lay the bodies
I of his \vifc and children. Crimson-orbed
I eyes of Windigo, the essence of n1adness,
I glowed faintly in the shado\vs.
.I
L A RRY J. } U HL

42 43
 With Murder in Mind

SPLIT PER SONA LIT Y

H e was gorgeous. She was thrilled.

But puzzled.
"\tVhy were your other relationships so
shortt' she vvondercd aloud as they walked.
He glanced upward.
''Well, I have this slight problem ..."
Later, the detective grimaced at the
ghastly sight of the young girl, bloody be~
neath the full 1noon.
In the distance, a v.;olf ho\vled.

45
 The World's Shortest Stories With Murder in Mind

lv1INDY HIDE AND SEEK

"""\ 1 T
V Valk vou out, Mindv?"
I I
"N••• inety-nine, one hundred!
"No thanks, I'll be okay" Ready or not, here l corner'
.At her car:, an elderly lady asked I hate being "it," but ahvays find thetn
for help. easier. Entering a darkened roon1, I
"Honey; nTy jumper cables are in the ,;v,hisper to the hiders there, "Oily; olly, oxen
back sear." free ..."
Mindy couldn't find them. I Thev follovv me home, dovvn tnirrored
j

"You sure thev're here?'' corridors where, too often, I see the black
i
I·
A man's voice ans·wered. cowl and scythe of my own reflection.
"No ... but vou
.:
are." CU RT HO MAN

The g~ard never noticed the silver vvig

· in the et~;pty parking lot.
PHI L N AS H
JOE HUBB ELL

46 47
 The World's Shortest Stories

BLOOD SURE

"C an you keep a secret, Em?"

"Sure.,
"Blood sure?"
"Look, Ty-"
"Oh, I forgot. .Doctor. Ever since you left
the holler, you's better' n us kinfolk and
,
our v;.rays.
Emmett sighed, then extended his
palm. He winced as his brother's blade
.grev:.r red.
"\Vhac secret?"
Blood trickled frorn bet\veen their
thumbs .
. "Em ... I got AIDS, man."

JoE HUBBELL

48
 The \'i'orld's Shortest Stories
BIRD Ti\LI<
''H enry;" 1nimed rhe parrot as the cwo
police1nen considered the body spra\vled
. in the pool of blood.
"Henry, no," squawked the bird.
One officer vvalked to the desk and
gla.hced at the dead n1an's appointn1enr
. 1 d "9 30 . ,,
book . "$,I ,pC' .<I'"
1) enc1rc e _·:. i\.1\!f.
"Henry-don't/" shrieked the parrot.
"So ho\iV n1any Henrys this guy knmv?"
"Just one."
Sco r r D.
I-
50
With Murder in Mind
A BREAK~
. IN THE CASE
"E ight stab vvounds, eight corpses, zero
dues," sighed the inspector, driving
through the night rain. "He's neat,
I efficient."
The criminologist polished his glasses.
"Yes. Also slight, lefr-handed, 1nyopic.
Loves Beethoven. And I kno\v his
\vhereabouts."
Screech of brakes.
SHAW
"Where?" cried the inspector.
"Here," said the other, grinning hugely
as he slainmed h01ne the blade.
\'V IL L.IAM E. BLUND ELL
51
 The World's Shortest Stories

THAT SETTLES THAT

Tom was a handsome, fun-loving young

1nan, albeit a bit drunk when ·he got in co
the argun1enc vvith Sam, his roon.1mace of
just tvvo tn onchs.
Yes,
~
"You can't. You can not \vrite a short
story in just 55 \Vords, you idiot!" J.Jove
Sam shot hi1n dead on the spoc.
"Oh, yes you can," Sam said, smiling. Happens_
T ERRY L. T!LTO::"J
·I * * *

I
52
 The World's Shortest Stories

O N THE R EBOUND
"\1 T
VVhy?"
' It's over: Angela. Done."
"Bur I need you!"
"Needed 111e," George corrected.
'Tll die without vou'"
j

George patted her hand. "You'll live,

dear girl. Rathet~ knowing you, I'd say
... thrive."
He stood, kissed her, \Vas gone.
Sniffling, Angela \Vatched him pass
their waiter. So handsome! She hadn't
noticed.
''Excuse ... me?" she caHed shyly.

MARY BETH HDNNR SSY

54
 !
The World's Shortest Stories

THE AFFAIR
I N TI-1E GARDEN

"R oses are re~ 'Piolets are blue. I hate your

husband and so do )'OU. lvfeet me at eight >>
Sranding there il). the garden, she S,l\\
hin1 running tO\vard her.
"Tina! lvly flower\ The love of my tik!"
Sarah tore the note up.
He'd said it at last.
"Hev, vvhat's that?" Stu asked.
J
"Oh, .7"'om.t"
"Notes for tonight's rneeting."
"Tina, rny flower\"
"You been goin' co lots of thern things
"Oh, Tom! I love you, too/"
lately," he sneered. "What's it tonight?
Tom reached her, knelt dovvn, and
Savin' the goddamn -vvhales?"
quickly pushed her aside.
"No," she smiled. "Popular1on control."
((Myjlmver! You \vere standing on my
SUZANNE CAPLE T'fE CHAMPEAU
prize.:.winning rose/" H OPE A. T ORRE\

57
56
 Yes, Love Happens

TH E DREAM

As a child, she dreamt of wolves.

They chased her each night for one year.
She ran and -vvas never caught.
Later,, she 1net a 1nan.
. Plavful and
~~

protective. Sharp teeth, soft fur.

She still dreams of wolves.
But now; as they lope through her
drea1ns, she runs -vvith them.

SHER EE PELLEME I E R

59
 The World's Shortest Stol'ies Yes, Love Happens
-

THE BEGINNING A PILGRINI's TAL E

he phone rang again. She closed her
eyes and sighed.
Part of her \Vanted to give in to his
adulterous fantasy She t\visted the gold
ring on her finger and looked at the clock.
Bob vvouldn't be home until eleven. She
slowly picked up the receiver.
"Once," she said to hin1. "But never
. "
again.
D AVTD
He cmcrcd sheepishly and knelt at his
vvife's bedside.
"Priscilla, dearest, she meant nothing to
n1e! Can you ever forgive me?"
She vvas flushed. "Yes, John. Love is
forgiveness."
1\ngel!" He kissed her forehead,
grabbed his n1usket, and left, slamtning xhe
front door.
DEVos
Priscilla leaned over the bed's edge to
peer beneath.
".Nliles," she beckoned.

CURT HOMAN

60 61
 The World~ Shortest Storie s

THE S A LON VI S I T
";\
f i n}'¥lay," the \Voman in the chair
continued, "his vvife's sogullible/ Bill
alvvays says he)s going bowling; she ahvays
believes hin1!"
The beautician sn11led. "My husband
William loves bo\vling.)>
Never used to ... Goes all the time now ...
She paused, frovvning.
Then a slow, bitter smile emerged.
"Let's start on your perm. You're gonna
look unforgettable."
.:.-·... ELT:!.ABETH Et.:LA

I
i
.'

62
 . Yes, Love Happens
The World's Shortest Stories

I
I
. I
LoUNGE ANGEL
i

Bare choked on his Corona when two

he lovers found... the genie's lamp on
,...

fe1nale legs disappeared beneath his table. the beach. .

...,-;,.

"For freeing rne," said the genie, "I will

Glorious lips spoke:
grant you each a -vvish."
''\;Vh.at do you do?" Looking into the bois eyes~ the girl
He sold cars. said, "I wish -vve could be lovers until the
"I produce Broadvvay plays." end of the vvorld."
"Oh-I'd hoped you \Verethis beautiful Looking out to sea, the boy said, "I
drearner I once rnet on a car lot," she said \Vish the -vvorld \vould end."

leaving.
He called vvork
Quit.
And follovved her into the night.
RUSTY EV.--\NS

65
64
 Yes, Love Happens

WERLING

Wling Werner was witless.

Wichout \vorrying \vhether wife Wiln1a
was \vorking, Werling wasted vvampum
v;illfully Worthless Werling vvas workless.
When Werling woke vvonde.ring vvhat
wife \Vilma vvas \vanting, we wondered
why Werling ~ranted women. Werling
was without wisdmn. Women ·want
warmth. \Vilma vvas wet. vVerJing
Werner's vveenie was \Vorthless. Wilma
\vent without. Woe \vas Werling.

G L F. N ST :\ R K E"Y

67

Tl:le World's Shortest Stories
A SECON D CH ANCE
H is love had gone In despair, he flung
himself off che Golden Gate Bridge.
Coincidentally; a fe\V yards away a girl
made her o\v n suicide plunge.
The two passed in rnidair.
Their eves n1et.
I
Their chemistry clicked.
· Ic-vvas true love.
They realized it.
Three feet above che \Vater.
]AY BoN ESTE LL
68
Yes, Love Happ ens
RITE S OF PASSAG E
H e'd known h er since she was very
young. She \.Vas the tnost beaut1~:pl girl in
rhc -vvorld., and he loved her deeply. Ac one
cirne he had been her idol. Nov1 he vvas
losing her to another 1nan.
Eyes glistening, he kissed her cheek
softly then sn1iled as he gave her avvay co
the grootn. ··-.
M ARK TURN ER
69
 The Woxld's Shortest Stories

THE OLD AND

THE RESTLESS

.
Mom. 76 and alone. suddenly decided
; ' ./

to visit Europe. \\lith Jean, she told us. ·

My brother and I thought, okay~ · · \Ve
can railroad Mon1 into Happy Haven as
plantied; later.
lvleanwhile, vve roamed the vast estate,
happily discussing arrange1nenrs.
Then ca1ne the postcard.
"Marrying Gene in Paris! He's only 64
and a doll! Love, Ivfom. ''

ANNE G. PHILLIPS

70
 Yes, Love Happens
The World's Shortest Stories

AT AN THE ONCE AND

APEELING PARTY FUTURE BEACH

He refused to be married without her.

"0 h, mama," Larry sa1d. "Look at

He checked his watch again. that babe."

"You think she'll come?"
"Sure, I spoke to her answering
machine."
He paced. ''I'm only doing this once.
She'd better show"
"Relax, she'll make it."
. Then they heard cheers and whistles
outside.
The stripper entered, smiling.
"Perfectly shaped breasts," said Jim.
'A_nd what a tan!"
"God, I love girls in bikinis."
.
A bronzed college boy lying nearby
whispered, "Jerry; listen to those fat ___ __
old guys."
"Yeah . . . guess they've got nothing
I
better to-do than-oh, mama, Tim, would
I
t you look at that babe."
''
EDWA RD E . GOTO

"H.1, guys.!"
The bachelor party could begin.

D A MON You NGE R

'l
f 73
72 !
'
 Yes, Love Happens

RENDEZVOUS

he phone rang.
"Hello," she whispered.
"Victoria, it's me. Meet me by the dock
at midnight."
''I'll be there, sweetheart."
'And don't forget the bubbly; babe,"
he said.
"I won't, darling. I want you tonight."
"I can't wait!" he said, and hung up.
She sighed, then smiled.
"I wonder who that was," she said.

NI C HOLE WEDDLE

75
 Yes, Love Happens
The World's Shortest Stories

THE DANCE
LIIZE Two SHIPS

H e shufflesto my locker. Skinny Stev

H e entered the elevator. with the zits. Yuck! Probably wants to ask
... ~·

"Ground floor, please," he said.

me to the dance. My last chance. Oh, well.
He sounds nice, she thought, but he
Better than being a wallflower, like Jenny
wouldn't notice me. Deep breath. "Hi, Steve."
He noticed. He noticed her standing
"Hi, Sue."
there, eyes straight ahead. But he didn't "You wanted to ask me so1nething?"
blame her. Even his zits blushed.
Nice perfume, he thought as they
"I wondered ... do you have Jenny's
parted, he lightly stroking his disfigured
phone number?" JOY JOLISSAIN T
face, she counting the steps to the
wa1t1ng van. CHRIS MACY

77
76
 The World's Shortest Stories

MASTER THIEF

Coins. Nickels, pennies, shining dollars.

Inspecting purses, browsing pockets,
poking couches. Everything moves from
my long fingers into my deep pockets.
Fell in love once. Beautiful meter 1naid.
-- ... , __

Begged her to stay She awoke first; cleaned

me out. Boxes of quarters, bags of dimes.
Left a note.
"Baby; collecting's my life. Never
could change."
CATHERINE E. McD ONALD

- ·-_<:..,.

78
 Yes, Love Happ e ns
The World's Shortest Stories

JUST DESSERT S
WINDS OF CHANGE

Martha hungered for sex, not a

On the South Wind, she came into
sundae. At 300 pounds, she'd ~~en settling
his heart. From the West Wind, he
for too little. Sighing, she closed the menu.
learned about her mind. The East Wind
The very thin man saw this and ap-
taught him of her spirit.
proached.
Then the weather changed and all the
He explained that since he'd stopped
winds blew at once, creating a great, rising
having sex, he couldn't eat.
circular storm, and she left him on the
She said that since she'd not, she
North Wind, his heart covered with ice.
couldn't stop.
RICHAR D M. SH A RP
They left together in anticipatory bliss.

REB ECCA L. CONNE R

I
81
80
 The World's Shortest Stories
LEFT AT THE ALTAR
Ocar, shy to the bone, yet determined
to make Bertha his wife, kneeled on his
wooden leg, asking, "Will you be mine?"
Bertha, rubbing his leg with a sand-
paper sheet, answered, "Only if you'll get
this-thing varnished for the wedding."
Later, when asked why he didn't marry
Bertha, Oscar answered, "Because I
didn't lacquer."
DONALD G. WALLACE
82
Yes, Love Happens
A PHOTOGRAPHER's
REGRETS
Looking back now, I see you swaddled
in white sheets, your hair hopelessly
tangled and your necklace faintly glinting
gold between your breasts. Telltale picture;
the manifest image of all my desires in
sharp focus and staring back at me.
God, how I wish I'd never tripped
the shutter.
Sometimes it's better to forget.
D. BooN
83
 Yes, Love Happens

LOVE

Brenda promised the horizontal hokey-

pokey if he wore a chicken suit_;:tnd spoke
French. Wayne sewed and studied for
six months.
l(nocking on her door, he was one
sharp bird who could conjugate like a
Parisian in heat.
Brenda greeted him with the news-she
was now into vegetables and Swahili.
Love is cruel.
DANIEL J. EGGERT

85

The World's Shortest Stories
GALILEO
It was another sun-drenched day at
the Cove.
She was definitely a California girl.
Blonde, beautiful, tanned.
She had freckles, as the midnight sky
has constellations. On her right thigh, the
· Pleiades. On her left, Orion's belt. The
Milky Way was splashed across her
shoulders and face.
And he longed to be an astronaut.
TIM HAR TW IG
86
Yes, Love Happens
You CAN NEVER
Go BACK~
Fve years ago she plucked a dandelion
and a bindweed blossom from the grass at
the mobile home park Now they're
pressed between the pages of an old
Moffat's Bible marking the 23rd Psalm.
She never thinks about that day she
handed him the tiny flowers. He can
never forget.
J AY B ONES TELL
87
 The World's Shortest Stories
Yes, Love Happens

Two NIGHTS THAT MOMENT OF

PASS IN THE CHIPS DECISION

A second night that week they pushed
their carts into opposite ends of the "Chips
and Dips" aisle.
As they neared, their prepared conver-
sational gambits dissolved into mutual
diffidence.
He pretended interest in chips; she
feigned absorption in dips.
· They passed in silence.
Glancing over their shoulders, both
thought hopelessly: Next week,
"Vegetables."
CURT HOMAN
She could alm~st hear the pri..<;Qn door
clanging shut.
Freedom would be gone forever, control
of her own destiny gone, never to return.
Wild thoughts of flight flashed through
her mind. But she knew there was no
escape . .
She turned to the groom with a smile
and repeated the words, "I do."
TINA MILBURN

88
89
 The World's Shortest Stories Yes, Love Happens

SCHATCHEN l(IM

"I . can find my own dates," Aaron Our first-grade class raced across the
remembered saying. grassy field during recess. I(im with the
Playing matchmaker had been his pretty smile and the golden ponytail and I
mother's only fault. He winced now as dirt were fast.
hit her coffin. Once we raced across her yard. I don't
--Mos that beautiful redhead ... afriend remember who won.
ofMoms? I<im died a few years later of some
Tess would have come to the funeral disease that I couldn't pronounce.
even without the promise she'd made to I run with Kim, even now.
the dying woman she'd nursed during her RoBERT M. DoMINGUEZ

final days.
~; ..,. ... ANNETTE AMIR

90 91
 The W9rld's Shortest Stories

Now

Sandra towel-dried her hair on the

veranda. The briny smell of the ocean
lingered in the breeze.
Inside, the shower was still running.
She thought about Pete and the kids.
That life seemed years ago. Wasn't that
the American dream? Would they
understand?
"I loved watching you swim," said
I(athy; handing Sandra the hairbrush.

R AE SILVE R

92
 The World's Shortest Stories Yes, Love Happens

SMELL THE RosEs THE WISH

-wding fever. Invitations mailed h e evening glow behind the fog

But he's acting strange. Then, a quarrel.
He says it's over. Tells her to go. Tearfully,
she writes cancellations.
"But, why?" she asks. "Why?"
A week passes. And another. She
misses him terribly She goes to his
apartment and knocks.
She hears his voice. "Hey, Honey,
answer the door, will ya?"
MARY ZENDER
faded as the two walked the almost-
deserted beach.
''I'll never understand women."
"Do you really want to?"
"Yes, I do. I truly do."
"Oh, all right."
She whispered into his ear; under-
standing crystallized in his eyes like
broken glass.
He ran screaming into the night.

Ro ss P A R S ON S

94 95
 The World's Shortest Stories Yes, Love Happens

FoR HIM AND THE

A
BRIEF 3 A.M. DARI<:NESS
INTERMISSION
"I 'm drowning."
-
H e was young, Hispanic, handsome, "You're not. You're safe."
and macho. 'Tm falling."
She was white, Protestant, divorced, and "N,
0.
on the cusp of hormonal decline. And vve lay in the silences, his voice
They worked in the kicchen of a luxury rambling in the surrounding darkness,
hotel and made quick sex inside the miles away, until I fell asleep once more.
pantry during wedding banquets. In the morning, I was alone. I cradled
Afterward, her thighs would slip past the phone in my arms and tried to find
each other as she served up trays of hitn again.
KI MBERLY A. H ANNA H
steamed oysters.
I RIS A L EXA N DRA

96 97
- - --- - - - - -
 Yes, Love Happens

·.
FIRST ENCOUNTER

•'
.

.,. ~
1 '
~.~]1
'

I
I

;,.
She had reservations. Lots of them
She thought the personal ads were for
losers. But she was terribly lonely and
maybe, just maybe ...
She placed the ad. The most promising
answer arrived early. And now, here she
was, waiting at the restaurant for a
stranger with a rose in his lapel.
"Daddy? Is that you?"

ARTHUR L. WILLARD

I
i
•
99
 The World's Shortest Stories

FAST TALI(ER
"-c'
1--.ifty-five," she whispered to him.
"Fifty-five miles per hour?"
"No, words/ That's all we've got/ Hurry!
Please/"
Perspiration trickled down his neck; he
u
('\ _L
0
-
J..~e e _L
0
stepped harder on the accelerator.
"But ... there's so much I want to tell
of~ tl1.e
you! So much that hasn't been said!"
"Ten," she murmured.
City·
J.en.?"
"'""1:

"Six."
* * *
"Will you marry me?"
1es.I,
"\J.::
SYLVI A R E I C HMAN

100
 The Streets of the Cit y

THE LAND
OF THE FREE

Em their bench, Buzz and Little Joe

take in the activity of boardwalk life.
"A little of everything, eh?"
Buzz nods.
"Yeah, summertime in Venice Beach."
"Sure beats summertime in Vietnam."
"Let it rest, will ya? It's history"
"We shoulda won."
"Yeah, right ... sleepin' under the pier?"
"Got a bottle?"
"Most of one."
"Let's go."
STEVE KELLY

103
 The World's Shortest Stories The Streets of the City

ON THE 5:25 HEADED FOR

SUBURBAN TRO UBLE

He sat facing her. h e scantily cla~ hitchhiker kndw she

"I got fired today They said I'm
unstable."
She sat there silently He turned
away; looking at the slanting rain. His
lips trembled.
"Nobody seems to care," he said.
Later at dinner, her friend asked,
'Anything wrong?"
Her fingers danced as she signed:
"That-man-on-the-train. He-looked-upset."
was in trouble the n1oment she stepped
into the car.
The driver gazed disapprovingly at her
costume. "Looking for some fun?"
"No ... I'm just going to the beach."
"Think so? Well, I've got other
plans for you, sweetie, and they don't
include beaches."
"Guess I'm grounded, huh Mom?"

MARK CoHEN

104 105
 The World's Shortest Storie s

GRATITUDE

h e street lights were a warm welcome

from the oncoming chill of darkness.
The park bench's curvature felt familiar
under his tired old spine.
The wool blanket from the Salvation
Army was comfortable around his
shoulders and the pair of shoes he'd found
in the dutnpster today fit perfectly
God, he thought, isn't life grand.

ANDREW E. HUNT

106
 The Streets of the City
The World's Shortest Stories

IN THE BAR DISTRESSED

"r-r
iake the bimbo on the end." L ey say evil W()ars no face. Indeed,

"No ... I don't want her." there \vas no etnocion on his face..No
"Why not?" flicker of empathy as he inflicted still more
"She's obviously the reject." pain. Couldn't he see the terror in my eyes
"Why do you say that?" or the panic on my face?
"I don't know." He calmly; even professionally; con-
"You think she deserves more?" tinued his dirty work, and then glibly
"''res.,, spoke: "Rinse, please."
DAN ANDREWS
"Rea11y.)"
"Definitely."
"Being over forty is harder than
I thought."
"No, it hones a person's tastes."
"What if I take her, then?"

EMILY TI LTO N

109
108
 The Streets of the City

.
I,-
.
~· r. •:. :. t>

PATROL
' '

O n a side street he sat, continuing his

nightly vigil.
With the dome light on, he read
headlines of the newspaper propped
against the steering wheel. The radio
blared, calling his number. The dome light
went off, replaced by the red and blues.
Hoping not to make headlines himself,
he pulled into the night.

TI MOTHY GRAF

111
 The World's Shortest Stories The Streets o f the City

LATE SNACK~ THE MILLION-

DOLLAR PARTY

~ollar Charlie won the

Billy the burglar enjoyed short work-
ing hours. w h his last
Early one n1orning he crawled beneath $10,000,000 lottery The celebration that
a barrier to enter a house. He removed followed with his street friends lasted two

small, valuable articles and piled them in weeks, during which Charlie died from

his car. over indulgence.

His last trip inside was for a snack in The state claimed his millions, but his

front of the television where he fell asleep name will live forever on Main Street as-

in the tented, soon-co-be-fumigated house. the greatest parry-giver ever known.

. . .What was his name?
DoLOREZ RouP E DI C K SKEEN

112 113
 The World's Shortest Stories

JUST ONE TAKE

"I diot!" The location director screamed

at the prop 1naster. "Can't you remember
anything? Now vv-e'll have to use real beer
in the shot."
The aging actor seated at the
downtown bar selected for this, the film's
final day of shooting, looked down at his
trembling hands.
Pray for 20 takes, he thought.

DEAN CHRISTIANSON

114
 The World 's Shorte s t Stories
THE ORDEAL
She hated theml All of rheml Their
masks-hid not their glee, as their groping
hands held her down-for him.
The pain and blood were unbearable.
Still, he persisted, forcing her.
Her screams only encouraged him. She
knew not to deliver meant certain death.
Finally; satisfied, he said, "It's a boy."
ToM McGRANE
11 6
The Streets of t he Cit y
No WORDS LEFT
Alzheimer's was killing his father. He
held the door at the restaurant as ±ris father
shuffled in for Sunday breakfast.. An older
gentleman inside helped, whispering,
"You're a good boy" to the son.
After his father died, he always
remembered those words, knowing his
father would have said them hin1self if
he could have.
E. K A R L FOU L K JR .
117
 The Streets of the Cit y

IT WAs A YEAR Aco

A slight breeze blew as Doug stood

staring do-vvn at Joey
"Hello, Joey," said Doug.
Silence surrounded the two of them.
"Joey, I'm sorry I didn't mean it. I
didn't. And, Joey-Merry Christmas."
Doug placed a rose on Joey's tOinbstone
and walked away
"Can you ever forgive me," he asked, "for
driving home drunk?"

GRACE CA G U I MBAGA

119
 The World's Shortest Stories
EL MUERTO
I feel cold in this darkness.
Earlier tonight a delivery on a dark
road would earn me $5,000 for a short
night's work
Paco was there, but something went
wrong.
I a1n out in the glaring light. A man in
white reads my name from a tag on my
toe. I cannot answer.
T OM 0D E N C RANS
120
The Streets of the Cit y
HIDE AND SEEK
A t last he would really show them.
He'd picked the very best place to -·hide.
They'd all say he could play the game
better chan anyone. When they·found
him, they'd clap their hands.
The dopes. How dumb can they gee?
They should have looked here first!
It's so obvious!
Here in the abandoned refrigerator.
DOUGLAS L. H ASKINS
] 21
 The World~ Short es t Storie s

SOBER INTELLIGENCE

I watched some fool stumble out of

the bar and into a car When he swerved
down the road, I pulled him over and
adn1inistercd a field test that proved
nothing.
·H e requested a blood test; there \Vas no
alcohol in his blood.
"What's your gan1e, pal?"
(Tm the D.D."
"Designated Driver?"
"D esignated D ecoy."
S AG E R O M A N O

122

_.-----· -···- . ··- --. -·· ..... . . - - · - - ·- · ........,_,.,.,.__

--=-';,.•~- __ ~
 The World's Shortest Stories The Streets of th e Cit ~

HERE Now Vo x PoPULI

h ey did it in the office next to the taco "H ello. You have reach~d 891-4207,
stand. Srnall things rneant a lot: a flower in the Johnson residence. u,....

a plastic cup, the lost shoes, the picture
of Jesus.
"We're going to pray for you now; Billy,"
they repeated.
Tongues of cold fire. Exorcism.
Mind rape.
"Remember," Billy said nine hours
later. "Remernber the terror."
"Mary and Jin1 are not living here
during their custody dispute. If you're
a creditor, please contact the U.S. Bank-
ruptcy Court.
"Mary's analyst-\vhen back fron1
vacation-please call her at her n1orher's. ·
To speak to A1ny and Becky, press star.
"H ave a great day"
T O M F ORD

MI C H A EL J U LIAN P H IL LIP S

124 125
 The Streets of the City

GE TTiNG TO
I(Now You
.....
~- . . .

"I '111 going to help block the clinic

tomorrov;," Judy told Tammy excitedly
Her best friend looked surprised.
'Tm going to the clinic tomorrow, too."
"Great! I'll pick you up!"
"No," said Tammy "No ... I don't-!
really don't think that's such a good idea."
Her eyes filling \Vith tears, she turned
away fron1 her friend.
SCO TT L ONG

f'
f .
l _··.,
I

127
 The World's Shortest Stori es The Streets of the Cit y

AUTUMN SONATA THE TRUTH

Is FouND

fom~d in curious pla,ces

A n October night Rams on the tube.
Cold cuts and beer for the guests, \vho
banter about football and food.
Three hours ago, we buried my cousin,
23, needle-tracked arms and all. Hail
Marys all around. Now the roar of the
crowd drowns the gathering. The autumn
moon will soon go down.
ROB E RT F. HU TT L E
1 :e truth is
In a bar, a drunk was espousing what he
believed true.
Another drunk responded, "Belief
con1es before truth."
Beer glass held high, he continued, "I
believe by dropping this glass, it'll break --
To know the truth, I must let go."
To the bartender's displeasure, truth
\vas revealed.
MI CHA E L \ V. T A Y L O R

128 129
 The World's Shortest Stories

HARRY's LOVE

H e looked at her lying there,

entranced by her sensuous curves,
her golden glovv But it vvas her voice that
really rnoved bi1n-sometin1es soft and
sexy, son1erin1es -vvild with abandon.
Whatever his n1ood, she n1atched it.
He lifted her lovingly to his lips.
Tonight they would n1ake beautiful
1nusic together, Harry and his trun1per.

BILL HOR TON

130
 The Worl d's Shortest Stories
THE PROMISE
"I
.· 'm opposed to it. It's wrong."
"Lying there relying entirely on tubes,
drips, and pumps is right?"
"She's alive."
'1\nd our pron1ise to let her die
with dignity?"
"But she gave us our lives!"
"Then we ovve her dignity in death."
"Yes ... I suppose ... dear God . . ."
The night \¥ind blew.
"Doctor, my brother and I-"
L EW I S A. H EN BU RY
132
The St ree t s of the Cit y
THE DEMISE OF
OLD CUSTOMS
"s -
• • • o I say, 'Lady, open yol.lt
can1era.' Sure enough, no film. String of
undeclared pearls-"
"Excuse me, Chief. What about these
big wooden crates from Nagoya, Japan?"
"Hands off! Those go directly to
Canaveral. Word fron1 upstairs."
"Yer the boss."
'1\nyvvay, so I say; 'Lady, if we let every
tourist carry in stuff like this- '"
L AC H M AC D ON A LD
133
 The World's Shortest Stories

HIGHER EDUCATION

"C ollegc \vas a breeze," Jennings said,

washing his grirny hands. "Wjth all those
budget cuts, they couldn't teach much.
They just gave us our grades and sent us
on our way "
· "How did you learn?"
"Vle didn't, but so what? Look at
,
me novv.
A nurse opened the door.
"Dr. Jennings, you're wanted in surgery"

R O N BAST

134
 The World's Shortest Stories The Streets of t he City

THE DEAL TYPEC AS T

h e CEO's office was plush indeed. "M an, I'1n redfb, pissed off!"
The briefcase was genuine elephant leather, "Why? What happened?"
its contents 100 percent pure. The asking "Son1e college kid. You know-buzzc(l
price a cool one mill. head-rap-music-neon-shorts-and-shades
The buyer inspected the goods; the kinda guy"
!

seller inspected the cash. "Yeah, I know the type."

On the street below, a vvhore talked to 'Anyway, this little yuppie dork asked
a john. n1e for a hooter! Can you believe it? !"
The buyer inspected the goods; the "That figures! Those jerks always judge
seller inspected the cash. people by the vvay they look."

T HOMAS QUINTANA CARNE L OW CR I:N

Pi7
 The World's Shortest Stories

A DECEJ\1BER STORY

Nck DeSantos, mailman, scanned the

dead letter bin. Hundreds of envelopes
bore the san1e address: "Santa Claus)
North Pole."
"Hate seeing disappointed kids)" Nick
said to his supervisor.
"Serves 'em right)" he said. "Believin' in
Santa Claus.
Arriving hon1e) Nick reached inside his
bag and rook out one of many letters.
"Dear Bobby," N ick wrote .
.". < _'. ·v

0 EA N C H R IS Tl AN S 0 N

138
 The World's Shorte s t Storie s

D A DD Y's HOME

"M.· omn1y? When's Daddy getting

here?"
"Soon, very soon," she said. "The war's
. "
over ... no n1ore worryu1g.
.,
"Mmn, look-the boat's here!"
A ladder dropped down. Eventually,
Y
'Ona.e -'-'- .~
•

everyone was unloaded. H er husband

Peter came ashore.
* * *
"Sign here," the lieutenant said.
Betty stood embracing the coffin.
"Peter ... Why?" she asked.

R A FA EL T O B A R

1Hl
 The Wo rld's Shortest Stori es

MEPHISTOPHELES ,
WHI S I<Y, A ND THE
WRETCHED SouL

M phiscopheles stopped at the

crossroads an~ tipped his flask o' whisky
A banker strolled by
"Ten bucks for your soul."
"Try a million and a private jec."
"Look paL Avarice, extortion, wicked-
ness, and infidelity-Ten bucks is a steal
for your \Vretched soul. The Reaper
won't be so kind."
·~ -

"Thirteen. No less."
"D ea11."
Both grinned.

SL\N C H R IS T OPH ER WEIR

142
 Yonde r
The World's Shortest Stories

HONEYMOONERS A N EW LIFE

TK newlywed spider nervously walked N ine years, stranded on a forgotc

ten 1noon of Uranus, the lone sunrivor of
back to the honeymoon web. Last night
was fun, but this morning he noticed the an in terplanetary battle, I discovered

red dot on her abdomen. intelligent, benign creatures \vho took 111e

That afternoon, he said nothing while in and nurtured me. I learned from thern ,

they drank medfly cocktails. She put an and grew to love them.

arn1 around hi1n. My people can1e for me at last. But we

"You're awful quiet. What's eating you?" hid from the exploratory spacecraft.

The last thing he saw was flashing Report: G amma moon uninhabited.

mandibles. AUGUST SA L.l·: l'vl I

C HRI STY TILLMA N

145
144
 Yonder

E N GLI S.H lA

"U se a dash between coordinate elements

. . ))

contatntng com1nas.
My laser bea1n crackled out a response.
One down.
"Subordt.nating clauses equal dangling
parttciples."
I whirl and fire.
"I before eeeeeeeeeeeeee- "
Two less mutant English teachers.
More coming. Can't let them succeed.
Teaching wrong us. Must them stop I..
Modifiers misplaced. Metaphors mixing.
Over it's. Win they
RoD P oUN I>

147

---- -~ - --- ··- ,._, . ., _____

 The World's Shortest Stories Yonder
..· \

How THE CHrcr<E N W I SHFUL THINKINc; \·

GoT ITS REPUT A TION
Bob had all he wanted. And he still had
L is suit's too small," croaked Buzzard one \vish lefc.
"My head sticks out!" "I can't decide. Can I use it later?"
"Look at wte," squaked Peahen. "Peacock he asked.
got the colors! I demand new feathers!" "You da boss. I'm just the genie."
All the plain birds agreed, except "C001".
Chicken, who \vas frightened. Angered, As he walked down the streets, he
the other birds teased he1~ and she cowered searched for a tune to express his joyous
n1ore. But knowing no cuss words, they feelings.
could only call her a chicken. ". . . Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer
. "
wiener-
TER R I D U N IVAN T J OSHUA H t\N I·'>

148 149
 The World's Shortest Stories

THERE ' s No PLA CE

LII(E I T

h e President was rushed to the

Arizona desert to greet the arrival of the
huge alien spacecraft.
"Peace," said the President.
"Thank you," said the very human-
looking alien. "We've been on a million-
year universal tour. We're excited about
returning home."
"Please, visit. Then, good journey"
"No, you
..
misunderstand," said the alien.
"Weare hon1e."
DE AN CHR I STii\NSOl\'

150
 The World's Shortest Stories

EDMUND's
DISCOVERY

Edmund's car wouldn't lecture him

when he forgot to buckle up. The instant
teller's cryptic note in1plied his PIN
number didn't exist. The motion detector
above the supennarket door refused to
notice him.
Troubled by these developments,
Edmund sat in his empty aparnnent
and thumbed reluctantly to the obituary
column.
''I'll be damned," he said.

PAU L TUCKER

152
 The Wo rl d 's Sh ortest Stories
DR AG ON T A L E
M uscles rippled under the blue-green
scales as the dragon stretched, then relaxed.
Fascinated, I Viratched the creature
freeze to perfect immobility I stared until
the I~an noticed n1e. With a glare, he
rolled do\vn his sleeve.
"N ice tattoo," I said, embarrassed.
"\iVha t ta ttoo?" he asked, turning away
Under his sleeve, I saw son1ething
move.
] ANA S E ELY
154
Yo nder
PE RS PEC T I V E
"I think it's easy to see, my studenrs,
that by careful exan1ination of these
fonner inhabitants, of their behavior
patterns, their simple, pointless lifestyles,
the things they held ofimport, and of rhc
complete and utter corruption of their
selves and their environ1nent, that
Earth deserved no better than Galactic
extermination. Thus, us. Any questions?"
COLIN CAMPII li l I
155
 Yonder

FIRST STEP

I t's been three days since I've had a drink

Recently I learned about support groups.
There's one for just about everything
these days. I checked around and found
a meenng.
Last night \:vas the first time I had the
nerve to stand up and say, "H ello. I'm
Sandy, and I'rn a van1pire."
Maybe there's hope.
T ! 1vf S COTT

157
 Yond e r
-· -- - -- -- --The -
World's Shortest Storie s
-- -------------,

FAT TEETH COMlv'IUNIQUE

L his horror, suddenly, inexplicably, the Uncontrolled terrorists burning the

\vorld's oil fields are producing "nuclear
process reverses; his hamburger becomes a
\vhopper, grows giant teeth through the -vvinter" effects in N orthern Hemisphere.

rdish, glistens 1nenacingly with his own Industry, agriculture, transport, failing.

saliva, then begins a slow, contented Prediction: 50 years until horse stock

counter clockwise grinding-eating him able to serve hu1nan needs. Gold, $2 an

up!-until he beco1nes lost in meticulous ounce. Hay passes $100 a bale.

mastication, \Vashed down \vith his own U.S. denies plans to invade hay-

Diet Coke and double order of fries. producing nations.

"Just routine military n1aneuvers,"
R A Y CL A RK DICK S ON
says White H ouse.
D AVID RI C HARD S

159
158
 Th e Wo r ld's Short e st Storie s

THE Bus STA TIO N

"0 ne ticket to Hell please."

''I'm sorry, all departures going south
are booked up."
1\.nyching else leaving tonight?"
"We have one bus heading in the
opposite direction."
1\.ny sears available?"
"Plenty"
"Very long ride?"
"No, not really, but you n1ighc want to
take a good book along. I've heard it's a
mighty lonely trip."
ANDR EW E. HU N T

160
 Yonder

OH, GOD
··.·>~ !
-
. ., ...
•.
,
-~·
~ . I.
··.. I S et 'em up in this garden, see? lJ>Id 'ern,
"Don't eat the fruit."
Shoulda known. I<A-BOOM! I kick
,
em out.
Bur I'm a forgivin' kinda guy Shccslt.
Whadda sucker.
WHOOSH! I flood the place. f~>n y
days, plus or minus. Dumb tne. I save
a couple.
What's their book say? Revelarjons~
I gotta find a match.
R o D P c l l J r-~ 11

163
 The World 's Shortest Sto ries Yonde r

THE DYIN G AR T Vs. CO MM ERCE

h e two policemen gazed down at him
"Is he alive?"
"His eyes are n1oving."
"Won't be for long."
"Nope."
Staccato flashes clin1b a distant
n1ountarn.
"Poor guy"
"What's he looking at?"
"Couldn't tell you. Only he knows."
A li tde girl skips gladly before hirn,
dropping an infinity of flowers.
h e artist stood back to view the
geon1etric precision of his latest creation.
"Beautiful," he rnurmurcd, "but vvill
. se111"
It ..
No tirne to examine the philosophic
implications. Custon1crs, buzzing with
excicement, hovered near the piece.
He wrapped up a deal quickly
"This is business," the spider said
with a vicious smile. "It ain't art."
RoN BA S T

J oE McCL ES KEY

164 165
&.

The World's Shortest Stories

GUITAR

Hell never hold me as he holds that

gwtar. Has!lt touched me that wqy tl1 years
!11get tnstde the guzia1~ to be z/1 his
arms agazn.
She spent aU day, sacrificing shape,
voice, everything but desire to be held.
Finally inside, n1ute, invisible, she 'vvaited.
"Honey; I'n1 ho1ne! I bought a new
- !Honey ... !"
gu1tar. .
JOHN M. DANI E L

166
 The World's Shortest Stories Yonder

THE SPACEMAN TYPHOID ALEX

COMETH

"W .
· e are v1arriors. You are ready to
join us-" said the alien to Mankind's
ambassadors. Standing beside me, the
general beamed.
"-Two thousand years ago, a prisone1~ a
pacifist, escaped to your world. We trust
he did not disrupt your civilization."
From behind the general came a wail.
A priest stood shaking, head in hands.
A ex's talent Was well-rested. The
restaurant vanished. the year aftei'"he
stopped being a dishwasher. The school
where he'd taught closed six months after
his resignation. Shortly after he quit, the
ne\vspaper folded.
With a sn1ile, Alex raised his hand and
s\vore the oath n1aking hin1 a soldier in
the United States Arn1y
J ANE MAIL J\ND ER

DAN PHI LLI P S

i
l

I
1
1 68 I
 The World's Shortest Stories Yonder

SEEING RED STRII(E UP THE BAND

hose unblinking eyes! "H ungry, my little n1ajorettc?"

I should! feel thzs
"Grandmother, your eyes ... "
"Come." Her voice makes tny legs
yee1n~. "Give me a closer look."
I svvoon. I drean1 of hunting horns, an
axe, hov-rling ...
I a\vake. Grandn1other's gone. Under
her wet, red gown, the body of the finest
anirnaJ I have ever beheld.
JOHN M.
he puffed.
"Yes, Daddy! How tnuch longer/'
"S oon... L.zsten.!"
Daddy's digging vvas punctuated l)y tl1c
knell of n1idnighr.
The spade struck wood.
He grinned, his teeth itnpossj bly I( >11g
in the moonlight.
"If you pick it clean, n1y little t.w irlu ,
Daddy'll n1ake the fen1ur into a brand
DAN I E L
nevv baton."

17 0 171
 The World 's Shorte s t Stories

WHAT THE DEVIL

WANTED

he two boys stood watching Satan

\valk av-ray, the po\ver of his hypnotic eyes
still in their minds.
"Geez, what'd he want from you?"
"My soul. How 'bout you?"
'A quarter to call h01ne."
"Oh. Wanna go gee something to eat?"
"Yeah, but I can't. Now I'n1 our
of money"
"No problem. I've got plenty"

BR IAN NEWEL L

, ... ,
 The World~ Shortest Stories

THE END
"You didn't!" "Because you
"I did." know."
"Dead?" . "But I won't-"
""\7 t'
1es. "Too late."
"Why?"
"She knew."
"Wh
··au'"
"-tell-"
"Rar too 1ate. "
"-anyone/"
Fu:-ct l'le :-c
";\b
n.. out me. " "Indeed." ~"Voices
"But what?"
"Th."
lS. ". . . commander. "
'An alien!" "\.T "
ltS. * * *
"Indeed." "Phase One has
"What now?" been completed."
"No\v yo~." "Excellent.
"011, no.,, Proceed with the
"Oh, yes." . . "
1nvas10n.
"But \vhy?" "Indeed."

CHARL E S \VEST

174
 The World~ Shortest Stories

BAD LUCI(

I awoke to searing pain all over my body

I opened my eyes and saw a nurse
standing by my bed.
"Mr. Fujima," she said. "You \vere lucky
to have survived the bombing of Hiro-
shima two days ago. But you're safe now
here in this hospital."
Weakly, I asked, "Where arn I?"
"Nagasaki," she said.
A LAN E. M AYER

176
 The World's Shorte st Stories Furthe r Voice s

THE REUNION EQUAL RITES

In school, she had been the closest thing
to a girlfriend he ever had. "Please keep in
touch," he said \Vhen they graduated.
"Yeah, you too," she said. This reunion
would be the first titne they would talk
. -·.
"H ighly irregular," said the priest.
"The diocese allows then1," replied one
of the tnen.
Overcoming a visceral dislike of sanK-·
sex unions, the priest agreed to hold the

in five years. ceretnony quietly There was a harpist.

"Good to see you." Both men wore tuxedos.
"Yeah, you too." But the priest, even while donning her
"Please keep in touch." vestments, still v;.rondered if she \vas doing
1eal1, you too. "
"'\7:
the right thing.
DAVID HOF f-·i AN MARK P LANT::i

178 \
•') d.D'~ '-
 Furthe r Voice s

MISLAID P LA N S

A rash of new bills came that

n1orning. T he letter frotn their insurance
con1pany announced the cancellation of
their policies.
She sighed and rose wearily to tell her
husband. The kitchen stndled of gas.
On his desk she found the note.
". .. the money fron1 my life insur-
ance will be enough for you and the
children .. ."
MONICA WARE

181
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - -- - -- - - - - - -- - -·--- ... . ·- - ·----------
The World's Shortest Stories Further Voi ces

T -HE FALL OF DEATH OF A.

A LEGEND NEIGHBOR

E ra thousand years the mighty MY neighbor d1ed yesterday Rohcna

redwood grevv into a majestic beauty;
surviving earthquakes, fires, and drought.
O~~l~sted only by the n1ounrains on
which it lived. A thousand years un-
touched. A thousand years unconquered.
"HoV\r long ra drop it?" shouted the
foren1an.
"Couple hours tops," spat the burly
logger.
"Let's get it over with."_.
was a large won1an with auburn bair
I ad1nired.
Though a private person, she w;1s
passionately interested in me. H er
adoration confused me. I barely knew II<' I.
After the funeral, Roberta's nephew
handed me an inscribed hatbox. Ir rcH.I:
"For lovely Catherine-my auburn vvig.
Your neighbor, Robert Whiting."
MA RY Y<>llr--!t .

ANDREW E. H UNT

182 183
 The World's Shortest Stories

AT THE HosPITAL

"S he needs surgery It's a rare kind

of tumor."
"Has anyone told her?"
"No. We're waiting for her family"
"There is no family."
"Everyone has fa1nily"
"Not her ... vvhat are her chances?"
"Not good. Only fifty-fifty"
"Those. are good odds for her."
"They are.I"
"They are."
"How so?"
"She arrived here an atternpted suicide."

E:V!ILY TIL TON

184
 The World's Shortest Stories Furth er Voices

THE FOREST THE C A RET A IZE R

Deep in the woods, trees filled the sky
On an incline, I turned to see the white-
tailed buck gracefuLly bound tovvard
the ridge.
Grandn1other had called this The
Seasoi1 of Deer Rutting. Seeing one pass
meant you'd travel soon.
I left in the morning fog, arnid sounds
of rifle fire. Deer season had begun.
MER RY L Y N R E YNO L D S-A RC H Alvf BO
"D on't \Valk on the grass!" shouted the
little man.
"D on't be stupid,'' the large man replied.
"It doesn't feel anything."
"You 1nust care for it," retorted the little
tn an. "It gives us beau ty; but it's fragile."
"Whatever." The large man walked
away
Years later, each had m oved on.
Indifferently, the cemetery grass grew
over both .
ST EV EN M A C L EOD

186 187
 Further Voic es

WAR GAlvfE

C orporal John Thomas cowered in t he

n1ud as the unreal violence of his first
cmnbat exploded around him.
"Johnny!" His mother's voice echoed
above the sound of battle. "It's time
for dinner!"
Tears in his eyes, Corporal Thomas
dropped his M -16 and ran tovvard
the voice.
A machine gun chattered briefly, thq1,
\

fell silent.
Ro N B AST

-.: -~ ·: ·.· ·t~ ...·..t ~_. '! •

. -- • :·' . . - :i' .· ~ . ,.,. ..
-' .:·-~-·.-... ·y. • ~- :-···· . .•._· .

. ~/·:~::-.. ,·· .... ~... · ·-:-·. ~ "'" ..

,i,:.tr~~~t~~~~;~f~>i', 189
 The World's Shortest Stories
MAID TO SERVE
"H e likes dinner at six sharp," she
cautioned the Tit\\' maid. '1\nd absolutely
no beef. He takes dessert in the den. Dravv
his bath at eight, he retires early."
1-\nd when will I get to meet the
ma-ster?" the n1aid asked as she stumbled
backward over a sleeping poodle.
"You just djd," laughed the housekeeper.
EMILY TILTON
190
Further Voice s
A COWBOY MOVIE
Jack's father died. The machines con-
firnled it. The nurse entered the room,
started unplugging equiptnent. "You can
go now," she explained.
H e felt like he v.ras in a theater. The
lights \Vere on. There vvas gun1 and
popcorn on the floor.
"Dad," he ahnost said, "let's go."
Instead, he just watched the credits roll.
E R N E s T M . G i\ IZc:! t\
191
- - - - - - - - - - -- -- -- - -- - -- - - - - -···- --·- ··-- --

The World ' s Shortest Stories

ALL A T SEA

Her quick footsteps overhead

a-vvake:ned him. Fearful of passing ships,
she'd slept on deck. Her caution irritated
him; they had quarreled.
He heard the splash. Ignoring her
screa1ns for help, he turned his radio
louder. Then he wondered vvha t had
alarmed her.
The huge canker came swiftly, on
collision course with che little sloop.

ROSEMARY M ANC HE ST E R

192
 Further Voices

LAST FLIGHT

On a Greyhound bound for the Grand

Canyon, she traveled unnoticed among
the tourists, but carried no luggage or
sensible shoes.
The driver slowed, announcing, "Scenic
overlook ahead."
Passengers unloaded, fumbling for
binoculars and cameras.
She stepped close to the edge. It had
gone on long enough. Fight or flight?
Fight or flight?
Flight.
VvENDY L I EPMAN

195
 Further Voic es

FooTSTEPS
IN THE SAND

D own on the hard, wet sand, ;t man

raced past, disappearing into the night fog.
Their eyes followed hin1, then turned to
watch for his pursuer.
"Just his own demons, I guess."
"Got any yourself?"
"Just you, sweetie."
"He'll run out of beach . .. or breath."
"Or, hopefully, dem ons."
,\ ' _,_·•,. .I
-,. .

' '
~' .
"I guess it's always a race."
;'.< ·- ''

.• ''1-~ •
. •1'-::t'!-.:
Ro ss PAR SON S
~ '

':;:;.-.'

19 7
 The World~ Shor tes t Stori es Further Voices

IN THE ROUGH CH AME LEO N

SCHLEMIELEON
chip was teed off
He'd never shot an eagle. Lots of birdies h e Brainiac. The Nerd. Nor anymore.
in his day, but never an eagle. A midsemester move to a new school.
He sliced it accidentally A chance for a new identity
Chip wanted no pared of this, putt he Algebra. First day First period. Sitting
hooked himself in a trap. in the back v.rith the cool people, hoping
His sentence? Behind the irons. to clique, I finish my exam long before
Thrown in the bunker for eighteen anyone else.
hole years. Doubting my calculations, the teacher
A bogey in society's nose. grades it aloud: 100.
I've failed.
R t\ N S WAN S 0 N PATRIC S. TR A Y

198 199
 Further Vo ic e s

FAIR PLAY

lrv and lvan lay on the blistering sands,

ogling won1en.
"That one?" Irv asked.
"Nope," Ivan said. "Too fat."
"Her?"
"Nope, too skinny"
In the wan11 sun they sipped beer and
gavvked.
"Wovv," said Ivan. "Look at her!"
Two girls, wearing flaming pink bikinis,
glided past.
"Nope," they heard one say to the other.

F RE D \V. MANZO

201
 The World's Short est Stories Further Voic es

DENTIST's THEATER LOVE OF HIS LIFE

h e observers waited in anticipation. Wen I saw the bearded lady at the

His heart beating furiously, he opened the
beast's n1outh. Against its dark gums its
teeth gleamed whitely He began to polish
thefi1,_first gently, then with increasing
energy The demonstration was going well;
the spectators recognized his skill and
n1urmured favorably to one another.
Then he missed an E-flat.
MARK PL ANT S
carnival, I was detennined to woo her.
Such was my fetish, yet my relatives
were supportive.
"Your name?" the n1inister asked of me.
"Robert Cedric Foster," I said. It all .
seemed too good to be true.
'1 \nd yours?" he asked of 1ny bearded
bride.
"William Angelo Duvani."

WI L M A R N. TOGN AZZ I N I

202 203
 Further Voices

GRAPPLEMEYER

"0 ld Grapplen1eyer died broke.

The reading of this will is over."
"That old fraud," sobbed Lydia,
Grapplemeyer's n1istress of 30 years.
'Tve vvasted 1ny life."
"You?" shouted David. "I was his
secretary; valet, and n1ore!"
J

"I was only the cook, but I'll1n iss dear

Mr. Grapplen1eyer," said Rose1nary,
fingering a huge dian1ond ring.

Slil R LE Y P 0 \VE L L

205
 The World~ Shortest Stories
CARE FOR
ANOTHER BITE?
L e animal's brown eyes peered at Tom,
full of innocence and trust. Without
remorse, Tom placed the gun betvveen
those eyes and pulled the trigger. As he
b~rchered the anin1al, he thought of
sizzling steaks.
Later, he savored a mouthful. As the
well-marbled n1eat slid down his throat,
the animal began its own revenge.
BRIAN BARNE S
206
Further Voices
LosT
"M y kids f" she screan1ed, rifling
underneath clothes racks, \vhere they
sometimes hid.
Shoppers stared.
"Help rne! They're gone!" she cried.
Someone \vhispered, "... old lady
thinks~"
"0 ld!" she exploded, 'T 111 only~"
She froze. Her eyes shifted fron1 face to
face, frorn confusion to sharne, then drifted
to her O\Vn \Vrinkled hands.
"Mv ... kids," she rn u1nbled.
j
NANCY RUTH N ERE NBER G
207
 Further Voices

EVE N I N G SURP R I SE

s himmery stockings stretched over

shapely thighs-a perfect backdrbp for a
body-skiin ining cocktail dress. Glan1our
radiated from the ends of the dian1ond
earrings w the tips of the spike-heeled
shoes. As a shadowed eye surveyed the
n1irror's reflection, painted lips pursed
with pleasure. Suddenly, a voice cried out
fron1 behind.
.uaJ'?jJ)
(( { j
..
H I L L 1\ R Y C L A Y

209
 The Wor l d's Shortest Stories F11rther Voices

FATE SEQUEL TIME

his was the only way, such a blur of h e convertible flew over the cliff's edge
rage and bliss and hurled toasters as our into the deep desert canyon, finally hitting
time together had becon1e. Appeal to far belo\:v with a thunderous crash.
fate: heads, \ve'd marrv; tails we'd
j '
Two occupants crawled from the
separate forever. wreckage.
. - · -

The coin flipped, thudded, skipped
and lay still, an eagle showing.
We stared as it sank in.
Then, together, "Best two out of three?"
]. RIP P
"Damn! Thank God for seatbelts!"
'And dual air bags! Jeez, what a mess!"
"I can't believe we made itl That was
sure some shortcut!"
"Think we lost 'em, Thelma?"

UP TON 0. Goo D

210 211
 Further Voices

DEATH IN THE CIT Y

"H c's begging, Father," the patrol-

n1an said.
"Ic's a fake collar, understand? I'm on
my way to a goddarn party"
Another 1noan fron1 the n1an dying
at our feet. He'd been struck by a driver
long gone.
'Absolution, Father. I doubt he has ci1nc
co read your credentials."
l(neeling and feeling foolish, I signed
the cross.
H. W . M oss

2 1"3
 The World's Shortest Stories Further Voices

SOLITAIRE
JUNE 12, 1994,
10:03 P.M.
Encased by the laundry room walls,

"J . .
eez~ 0. ].-some~1n1es y~u start~c me.
J"

"Aw I'n1 sorry Nrcole. I JUSt cant seen1

' J
she stuffed load after load into the
insatiable washer, begrudging every
1ninute lost. Sodden diapers, m ismatched
to stay a\vay "
booties, Batn1an pajan1as, pink leotards,
"Well, beat it before I call 911."
grass-stained soccer shirts, knee-socks,
,;But I just \Vanna talk ..."
pinafores, jeans, S\veaters, skirts, trousers.
"Not no\v-here's Ron \Vith Mon1's
Now, finally; she washes one small load
glasses."
a week, and wonders why the days are
"Hiya, Ron!"
so long.
"Hey; 0. ]." M t\R I LFE SW !R CSZEK

"0. J. was just leaving, Ron . .."

"Bve, Nicole. Call you from Chicago."
J -

"'Night, 0. ]."
"'Night, Nicole."
LACH MACDONALD

214 215
 The World' s Shorte s t Stories

MY R ECIPE FOR
WR I TERS JAM

I take one small brain, stuff it with plots

55
fiction
;1nd characters, add spice, a pinch of salt,
rnix in ideas, and put it on the back burner
to sin1mer indefinitely. When ready to
serve, I scrape off the mold, chop, process,
Tl1.e
nd form to size. I offer this aesthetic
<1

delight, rny friends, with relish.

R.ule s
C ONN I E SU DD AT H * * *

216
 The World's Shortest Stories
H ow hard 1S it to write .a 55 ''-'Ord shon story'~ We" bet you've
been reaclmg these stones and thtnkmg co yourself, Hey, I can
do rhat. G!ve me a pen and paper."
\Ve think you can, roo, which is •,vhy we've included chis handy
dandv section of Official Fiftv- Five Fiction Rules so vou can know
' - ' I
exactly how w go about ir when the urge strikes.
But be forewarned: \Vnring a Fifty-Five Fiction scory isn'r as easy
as it looks.
A haiku poem is short. So is a quarterback sneak Bur nobody
thinks they're simple to execme-it's just that rhe people who do rhem
well make it seem rhat way.
Taking a grrat srory concept and developing 1t wirhm such a lim-
ired space 1S a link like carving a beautiful sculpture from a tiny block
of wo~d. Tbe working range is truncated and nmmare, bur the goal is
no differenr than tf vou were crearing on a much larger scale:
' v
fccrly merge various elements into a coherent whole rhar ultimately
makes people say, "\Vow, rhar's really greac!"
But don't be discouraged by such a lofty goal. Great storyrdlmg
srarrs with fair sroryrclling and gw berrer with practice. Ray Bradbury
once cold an audimce that if thev wanted w learn how
I '
should compose a shorr story every day. "If you do that," he said, "by the
end of rhe year you'll have \vrinen 365 stories-and, at the very least,
three or four of them are bound to be good because it's impossible
write 365 bad stories!"
Vve've often thought about that \vhcn judging our Fifty-Five
Fiction Contest each year. It's the perfect way for someone ro apply
Bradbury's One-Srory-a-Day Theory of \vming. vVben you've mas-
tered 55 words vou
/~
can go
v
on co 110, then 220, and so on until you've
\vritten that great novel that's been inside you, struggling ro gn om.
Bur we're gertmg ahead of ourselves. Fifry-Five Fiction 1s the name
218
The Rules
of dus writing g<lJne, a tiny literary genre wirh a proud tradition
stretching back a full eight years w a rime when finding good copy co
fdJ our arts and enteminmcnt publica Lion, New Times, was tough to
do. O ut of this necesslty rose Fifty-Five Ficnon.
The first rule we ah.vavs td l Fiftv- Five Fiction writers may seem
I
obVi OUS, but l t 's broken more often chan you might chink. vVe tell them
to remember thac ive're raJkmg about fiction , nor e>says or poems or
errant thoughts. A Jot of people have a hard t1me geuing that straight,
no doubt because they have a ha rd rime bdievmg rha r wrinng some-
thing so short 1s really possible. They usually end up '.'Vith only part of a
story, often with their charaCter stranded in a situa tion going nowhere.
So although some may have a more complex delmirion of just
wha r constitutes a "story," for our purposes, a scary is a story only if it
contains the following four demencs; 1) a sming; 2) a characrer or char-
to per- an ers; 3) conflict; and 4) rcsoJunon.
For those who think this limiting ro their creativity, consider for a
momrnt that:
· All stories have to be happening someplace, which means they
have co have a setting of some kind, even if tt':; the other s1de of the uni-
to write, thev verse, the inner reaches of someone's mind, or just rhe house next door.
· Charactns can have infinite varia uons. People, animals, clouds.
microbes. Anythmg.
to • By confhcr, we merely mtan that in the course of the story, some-
thing has ro happen.The lovers argue, The deer flees. The astronauts wait
in amicipation. Even in this last example, something is happening, even
though no one is moving or calking. There is conflict, which leads to:
• The outcome of the srory, known also as the resolution. This
I
doesn't necessarily mean that there's a moral (}mice is its own reward,"
"In the end, love triumphs") , or even that rhe conflict itself is resolved. Ir
may or may not be.
219
 The Wo rl d's Shortest Storie s
Bm what it does mean is that when rhe story end~. someone has to
have learned something. Tony found out his wife wanted co kill him
after aU; the soldiers successfully eluded the enemy when they thought
they'd been Jiscovered; Barbara was shown to be as much of a Lar as her
father. lt's even possible co have none of rhe characters leam anyrhing.
Bm if char's rhe case, then we rhe readers must.
Consider "Bedtime Srmf by Jeffrey \Vhimmore on page 13. Be-
sides havmg a terrific swry idea, \Vhirmore also goes about cdlmg ir.
well. How he does so is worth examining
Notice how much he achieves through suggestion. We know rhe
characters are lovers, but the author never says so. \Ve also know there's
a gun in rhe storv bur it's never directlv mentioned. ln fact, \Vhitmore's
, . J relle rs ro emulate.
rale is acrually two stories. T he second one-the other conspiracy-
reveals itself in rhc final rwo words.
You'll also noLice rhat thc.re are no descriptive adverbs or adjectives,
and ycr we see rhe entire scene perfectly The author rhen stretches the
form by having his srory srart even bd ore his narrative begins, and wd
beyond his final phrase, making it seem longer than just 55 words.
T he main advamage co suggestion is conveying information eco-
nomically- when rhe reader knows vvhar you're ralki ng about \Vid1our
your saying so, fe.vvcr words are needed. The disadvanrage, of course. is
losing sight of wherher rhc reader 1.1 following you. Too much sug-
gesr.ion becomes obscure and confusing. Thar's a common error. So is
trying to cell roo compLcated a srory in such a tiny space. Fifry- Five
Fiction demands a tight focus.
Telling a swry in a traditional narrative mode is probably the best
approach for new writers, buc keep in mind char Fifty-Five Fiction
encourages expenmenranon.
C~n ~n entire story be cold Wlth every word starring with the same
lcner of the alphaber? Sure ir. can. You'll find iron page 67
220
The Rules
How about revealing a family's ongoing woes through jusr .1 11
answering machine's message? Check our page 125.
And on p:1ge 29, lovers meet clandesrincly and discover morr
chan they bargained for, in a Lale w1d1 only one sentence using almosr
all nouns.
Surprise endings are ofttn found in f ifcy-Five Fiction, but they're
not a prerequ1site for success. They probably turn up a lor because
rhey're easy co work with, and because many ·writers instincnvely ~um
for the impact of a twist <l t the encl. H. H. Munro had similar instincts
in his Iindy crafted mini-short srories. So dtd Rod Sterling and Alfred
Hitchcock in rhcir famous half-hour TV programs. Precry good srory-
A few other imporrant points ro keep 111 mmd:
· You can write abour anything you Lke, bur you can't use more
than 55 words. Yes, vou can use fewer if 'vou'cl like to' but we don't know
/
why :tnyone would--don'r shortchange yourself even more .man we
already have.
i\nd what, exacrly IS a wordl Simple:. If it's in the dictionary, ir's
a 'Nord.
• Hyphenated words can't coum as single word~. For example,
"blue-green dress" is three words, nor cwo. Excepriom r.o rhis are any
\VOrJs rhar don't become two complen: free-standing words when rhc
hyphen is removed. Like "re-entry"
• Also, please note rh;n your story's ririe isn't mcludccl Jn d1e word
counr. Bur remember char it can't be more chan seven words long.
· Contractions count as single words, so if you're really seeking
\VOrd economy (as you should be), keep rb is in mind. If you write, "He
will JUmp," it's r.hrec \vords. But if you write, "He'll JUmp," ir's only two.
Very.. economtcal. By the same token, anv comr:tcrion Lhar's a shorrened
~ .-· .
22 1
 The World's Shortest Stories The Rules

form of a word is also counted as a full word. Like using" 'err:\' for "them." .Make sure your name, address, and telephone number are included
· An initial also counts as a word (L. L. Bean, e. e. cummings, er.c.) on each story, so we can conr,1ct you. ThL~ informacion needs ro be wirh
since it's basically an abbreviation of a full word. The only exception is each one in case your stories get separated. Too many rimes, we've been
when it's pan of an acronym like MGM, NASA, or IBM. The rea- unable to conrnct authors of great stories simply becau~ they forgot this
soning here is chat rbe wide usc of these acronyms has in effect made simple procedure.
them inco single words. So. If you think you've gm some winning stories, pur a stamp on
• Remember rhat numbers count as words, too, expressed as either dm envelope and mail them off to us at Fifty-Five Fiction, Depc. 55,
numerals (8, 28,500, or 1984), or as words (eight, rwcnry-eight, etc.) Bur 197 Santa Rosa Sr., San Luis Obispo, CA 93405. Unfortunately, we
keep in mind our hyphenated-word rule. "1\venry-eight" is rwo words can't acknowledge receipt of any work, so please send phorocopies, not
when written out, but only one when expressed as 28. Don't cheat your- originals. If ilny of your stories are selected, one thing's for certain: You'll
self out of an extra word that you may need. be hearing from us.
• Any puncmation is allowed, and no punctuation marks count as And remember: Just 55 words.
words, so don't worry about being miserly wirh them if they work w
some effect. STEVE M oss
There are a few cliches we suggest you avoid. Unless you can come
up with really fresh rakes on these old chestnuts, stay away from stories
where the reader eventually discovers the protagonist is a car (or some
orher animal); charilcters who appear to be having sex, bur it turns our
they're doing something innocent and mundane, and you just have a
diny mind; and any character who wakes up at the end and says, "Gosh,
1t was all a dream!" These go m the trash faster than the speed of light,
as well they should.
So now that you've digested all the rules and you're pmring all
chose great ideas of yoms on paper, what are you going ro do with the
best ones afcer you've shown them ro friends who all thi nk you're bril-
lianc? Good question. Here's a good answer. Send them to us so we Ci111
consider them for our next Fifrv-Five Fiction book.
J

You can submit as many srories as you want, bur remember that
each story must be typed on its own sheet of paper. That means one
story per page.

222 223
A B0 UT TH E ED IT 0 R : Steve Moss has a lway~ liked vvords-so
much so that he decided to srarr his own weekly newspaper so if there
was nothing around to read, he'd have no one but himself ro blame. He
scudied arr at Brooks Institute, UC Santa Barbara, and Syracuse Uni-
versity, bur eventually swirched to vvnting becawe journalists were
more fun w hang out wirh. He's been a reporter, editor, busboy, an
director, construction grunt, advertising copywriter, and graphic artist:.
He's rhe editor and co-pubLsher of New Times in San Luis Obispo,
where he started Fifry-Five Fiction as an annual writing contest, and he
can't imagine doing anything else. He now lives in Pismo Beach, Calif.,
with his hot cub.

A B0 UT TH E l L L U ST R AT 0 R: .A.frer high school, Glen

Starkey did a short, unsuccessful stint as a professional surfer before
mending college as a professional srudcnLTen years later, he quu school
after realizing there \Vas no money in it <1nd gor inro an , where the big
bucks arc. H.is paintings and drawi ngs h;~vc been shown in numerous
group and one-man exhibitions, and mday he plies his trade as a pro-
fessional illusrracor, feamre writer, and music critic. He's also a board
member of che San Luis Obispo Art Ccnrer. He currcndy lives in San
Luis Obispo, Calif., with his dog. Madison, who hasn't led nearly rhc
illustrious life rhat Glen has.

224