"Evicted"

692-003
Adventure Time created by Pendleton Ward
Story by Adam Muto
Written & Storyboarded by Bert Youn, Sean Jimenez

FEATURED CHARACTERS:

Finn
Jake
Marceline, the Vampire Queen

THE ADVENTURE:

The episode begins outside Finn and Jake's tree fort in a thunderstorm. A bat flies by. As we enter the tree fort, we
hear a scary story told by JAKE: "And as it waded through the carnage it had wrought…" Lightning flashes. Jake,
crouched on an animal skin, by candlelight, continues the story. JAKE: "The vampire smashed [punching a jelly
donut for emphasis] their skulls [grimaces and clenches his fist] just for the fun of it." Finn listens raptly to Jake's
story, lying in his sleeping bag on his bed. FINN: "No way!" Jake gets up, picking up the smashed jelly donut.
JAKE: "Yes way, it did." Jake brings the donut over to Finn. JAKE: "And also the vampire hunched over its victims
and breathed their vaporized blood mist." Jake waves the donut, spraying vaporized jelly mist on Finn.

Finn finds the story disturbing. FINN: "Aww, Jeez! Jake, is this stuff you're saying true, or are you just trying to
mess me up?" Jake walks away. FINN: "You have to be honest." Jake is back at the animal skin, his face covered
with jelly. JAKE: "Oh, it's true, man, I heard it through a reliable source." FINN: "Reliable? Rats!" JAKE: "Yeah.
Some say it haunted this very tree." FINN: "This tree?" JAKE: "Goodnight." FINN: "Jake! " JAKE: "Woooo!"
FINN: "You're full of it, Jake."

Jake warbles ominously. Finn hears a creaking sound, wraps himself in his sleeping bag, and grunts. With a
croaking sound, a worm crawls on the bed, gasps, and starts to warble. FINN: "No worms on the bed!" The worm
stops warbling and sighs.

Something seems to be tapping at the window. FINN: "Huh?" There definitely is something tapping at the window.
FINN: "What?" Thunder crashes, and we see Marceline tapping at the window. Finn freaks out. FINN: "Jake, Jake,
[breathing heavily] I saw someone outside the window! It must be the vampire, and I think we're unprepared, so I --"
JAKE: "Relax, buddy. I made that story up. I was just trying to scare you." FINN: "But you said you heard it from
a reliable source." Jake chuckles. JAKE: "I made that up, too. I was trying to scare you, and it worked!" Jake
laughs.

The window flies open. JAKE: "Whoa!" Jake emits a high-pitched scream and starts breathing heavily. FINN: "No
one's outside." JAKE: "Whew!" FINN: "It was just the wind, scaredy-cat." JAKE: "I wasn't scared. I was singing. I
was singing my scream song." -- he sings -- "Aah, aah, aah." FINN: "You're a total wuss, man."

Suddenly, Marceline's bag falls to the floor, as Finn and Jake both gasp. Finn shifts his flashlight up, to see
Marceline is floating near the ceiling. Finn gasps. Marceline hisses. Finn and Jake scream. Marceline sits on a
bench between Jake and Finn with her arms around their shoulders. MARCELINE: "Hey, guys. What's up? I'm
Marceline, the Vampire Queen." FINN: "Are you gonna smash my skull and breathe my blood mist?!" JAKE:
"Don't suck our blood!" Marceline laughs. MARCELINE: "Calm down, weenies. I'm not gonna do that."

Marceline gestures, and magically lights all the candles in the tree fort. FINN: "So… you don't suck blood?
MARCELINE: "Sometimes I do, but it's not the blood that I like -- it's the color. I eat shades of red." She sucks the
red from piece of food. FINN: "Golly!" She puts the food in Finn's mouth, and he laughs. FINN: "Mmm!"
Marceline yawns and sighs. MARCELINE: "Wow, I'm exhausted. I've been traveling all over the land of Ooo, and
I've seen some stuff that would really make you say, 'Like what?'" FINN [with his mouth full]: "Like what?"
MARCELINE: "I found a school of goldfish beasts." Cut to Marceline, riding a goldfish beast. MARCELINE:
"Yeah! Yee-haw!" Cut to Marceline in the tree fort. MARCELINE: "And I fooled around in the fire kingdom." Cut
to Marceline hula-hooping in flames and laughing. FINN: "Ooh!" MARCELINE: "Oh, and check these out." She
holds out a handful of small items. FINN: "Nuts?" MARCELINE: "Oh, these aren't just ordinary nuts." She grunts,
and they come to life as little creatures, all warbling. One of them screeches and shoots ink at Finn, while the
warbling continues. Finn laughs. FINN: "You're wonderful." JAKE: "Yeah, uh, thank you for not sucking our
blood." MARCELINE: "You guys seem cool, too."

Marceline stretches and yawns. MARCELINE: "But as you can imagine, I'm really tired, so you two should
probably get going." FINN: "What?!" Marceline sighs and points at M cared in a trunk. MARCELINE: "Look. 'M'
for 'Marceline.'" JAKE: "Oh, man." MARCELINE: "I carved it in this tree years ago -- long before you two rascals
started squatting here." Marceline puts Finn and Jake out in the rain. MARCELINE: "But seriously, guys, thanks
for keeping the place warm for me. Like, really great. Thanks." She flies back inside the tree fort.

As Finn and Jake look up, dumbfounded, Marceline can be seen through the window of the tree fort. FINN: "Huh?"
MARCELINE: "Good night!" JAKE: "Come on, Finn, let's get out of here!" FINN: "She can't kick us out of our
house!" JAKE: "No, Finn, wait!" FINN: "Get down here, lady, and fight me!" JAKE: "She's a vampire, dude!"
Marceline laughs and tosses down a bedroll and pillow. FINN: "What?!" Marceline slurps the red from a piece of
food, then tosses red-less food on Finn's face. Finn grunts and Marceline laughs. FINN: "I'm gonna kill her!"
JAKE: "Dude, if half the stories I've heard and/or made up are true, vampires will kill you. There's no question."

Marceline hisses with a scary face up in the window. FINN: "But what about our home?" JAKE: "A vampire took
it! Ah, we should go house hunting -- bag us a new house." FINN: "But I like our home." JAKE: "Finn, house-
hunting is wild! You gotta try it!" FINN: "Really?" JAKE: "Yeah, man. It is so nuts!" Jake grows and shields Finn
from the rain. FINN: "You always know what to say." JAKE: "Blah, blee, bloo, blah, blah, bloobity, blah, bloop!"
FINN: "Okay, I'm convinced. Let's roll!" JAKE: "Sweet, things are gonna start going our way." As the walk away
from the tree fort, rain starts to clear up quickly. JAKE: "Hey, look, see? What did I tell you?"

Birds chirp sweetly, as a song begins, in the style of Steve Roslonek of SteveSongs, accompanying a montage of
Finn and Jake's house-hunting Adventures.

SINGER:
So, Finn and Jake
Set out to find a new home
It's gonna be tough
A kid and a dog on their own

There's a little house

Aww, Finn's stickin' his foot in
That's a bad idea, dude,
'Cause now that bird thinks you're a jerk, Finn!

Now they're chillin' on the side of a hill and thinking

Living in a cloud would be totally thrilling.
Unless they find something inside,
Like a mean cloud man and his beautiful cloud bride.

A beehive -- oh no
Don't put your foot in there, guy!
Y'all tried that before,
And you know it didn't turn out right!

Big shell -- go inside

Look around, it seems all right.
Frog jumps out and barfs a tiger
Throwing down potions for food and fire.
 You know you should've stayed
And fought that sexy vampire lady.
But Jake was feeling terrified
He was super scared of her vampire bite.

Which is understandable
'Cause vampires are really powerful.
They're unreasonable and burnt out
On dealing with mortals.

Oh, Marceline, why are you so mean?

MARCELINE [shown in inset]:
I'm not mean,
I'm 1,000 years old
And I just lost track of my moral code

SINGER:
Oh, Marceline
Can't you see these guys are in pain?
MARCELINE [shown in inset playing video game]:
No I can't
I'm invested in this very cute video game.

SINGER:
So, there go our boys
Walking on the icy ground. [attacked by ICE KING]
Heading towards their destiny
I'm sure they'll figure something out.

Finn and Jake are floating on a block of ice. FINN: "This is weak! I don't even like any of these places. I want to go
home." JAKE: "Finn, let me tell you a little something about what "home" really means." Jake plays his viola, while
Finn cuddles in his giant ear. Jake sings in a voice remarkably reminiscent of Tom Waits.

JAKE:
La la la
Home isn't a place
Let me give you a clue
Home is anywhere where people care about you

FINN: [speaks]
I don't want to hear a lecture, dude. I just want to go home.
JAKE:
But home is where your heart is, Finn
And where is your heart, Finn?
Well, it's right there inside you
Well, I'm sitting right here beside you
With your lucky stars to guide you from above.

We hear the viola playing, and we see two planets fart out a star. Finn and Jake chuckle.

FINN: [speaking, not singing]

Yeah, I guess I'd rather be out here,
Wrapped in your ear,
Than be in some awesome house
All by my… [thinks] souse.
Finn and Jake float on their block of ice into a dark cave. JAKE: "I'd rather be dancing with some babes." FINN:
"Shut up, dude!" JAKE: "Gross. This place looks gross." FINN: "And abandoned" [echoing] "and abandoned and
abandoned and abandoned." The cave walls are covered with slimy lumps, which turn into flying green things and
fly away in a cloud, leaving the cave shiny and bright. Finn and Jake scream and gasp. FINN: "Whoa, bro! Want to
just live in here?" JAKE: [quickly] "Yes." The scene changes to the cave, built up with all the comforts of home.

SINGER:
So they cleaned the cave and built a house inside the cave

Finn sighs. JAKE: "So, what do you think, man? We did pretty good for ourselves." FINN: "Yeah, we did. So, uh,
what should be do first in our new digs?" JAKE: "Let's trash it and throw a party"

At the party, we hear mid-tempo music playing and indistinct conversation. Among the guests, TREE TRUNKS is
partying. Finn sighs happily. FINN: "This is it, feeling good, feeling -- I'm feeling like we did it. I'm feeling, like,
completely satisfied. Nothing else can go wrong, you know, Jake?" JAKE: "Yeah, man." FINN: "Oh, yeah. I know,
too."

The door opens, and Marceline floats in. MARCELINE: "Hey, Finn." Finn gasps. JAKE: "She's back!"
MARCELINE: "Wow, pretty awesome party you got here." FINN: "What do you want, Marceline?" MARCELINE:
"Oh, I just want to show you something. This cave belongs to me!" Marceline shows that her initial is carved in the
rock. FINN: "What?!" MARCELINE: "Thanks for fixing the place up for me." FINN: "You -- you can't take our
home twice!" Marceline strums her guitar. MARCELINE: "Yes, I ca-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-n."

Finn isn't going to take it any more. FINN: "Aah! It's vampire-fighting time!" JAKE: "Finn, no! Vampires will kill
you, remember?" FINN: "But she's taking out home again!" JAKE: "We're home as long as we're together! Blah,
blah, blee, blah, bloop, remember?" FINN: "Oh, yeah. Okay, Marceline, I'm gonna let you keep this cave, but only
because Jake is my home. And he's way better than all your homes combined!" MARCELINE: "You know, you're
right. I guess I'll take him, too!"

Marceline grabs Jake -- this can't be good! FINN: "What?!" MARCELINE: "I'll bite him a little…" JAKE: "Ahh!"
MARCELINE: "…Maybe turn him into a zombie." JAKE: "No!" FINN: "Let go of Jake!" MARCELINE: "Make
me!"

With a grunt, Finn heroically slaps Jake out of Marceline's hands. FINN: "You okay, pal?" Marceline transforms
into a monstrous vampire and hisses scarily. MARCELINE: "No one…makes me…let go of Jake!" Finn grunts at
Marceline. FINN: "I'm not scared of you!" Marceline laughs evilly. MARCELINE: "You're pathetic, little boy."

Marceline throws Finn to the ground, but he gets up and attacks her. FINN: "You're pathetic." Finn spits at
Marceline and she hisses at him. FINN: "Get ready for an uppercut, you dyke!" MARCELINE: "Make me." She
tosses Finn back to the ground and continues to laugh evilly. MARCELINE: "Blah, blah! Blah!"

JAKE: "I … got to help my buddy!" MARCELINE: "Your blood is mine! Jake warbles loudly and grunts, attacking
Marceline as Finn gasps. JAKE: "Uh-oh" Marceline bites Jake, shrivels him, and tosses aside his apparently empty
shell, laughing evilly. Finn screams and leaps at Marceline, breathing heavily. He punches her with a yell.
MARCELINE: "Ow! That…actually hurt, Finn." She laughs evilly, shrieks, and leaps to the ground with Finn,
returning to near-human appearance. Marceline laughs and kisses Finn on the cheek. MARCELINE: "Mwah!"
FINN: "W-why didn't you just kill me?" MARCELINE: "'Cause that was fun! Whew, I haven't fought like that in
years. Thanks, Finn."

JAKE: "Finn." FINN: "A-aren't you dead?" JAKE: "Nah, before she bit me, I used my powers to shrink all my guts
and blood over to my thumb." Jake shows a big lump of stuff on his thumb. JAKE: "See?"

Marceline clears her throat. MARCELINE: "You two are pretty hard core. I can appreciate that." FINN: "So…so
does that mean we can have our old house back?" MARCELINE: "Yeah, keep it …" She transforms to a monstrous
face. MARCELINE: "…as a gift from me! Blah!" Jake and Finn run off, screaming.
Jake and Finn return, laughing, to the tree fort. FINN AND JAKE: "Yeah!" Worms have taken over the tree fort.
FINN: "Huh?" The worms are all croaking, and then the worms lift their heads and open their mouths. All the
worms warble. FINN: "Did you guys get on the bed? I told you, you're not allowed!" The Giant King Worm arrives.
GIANT KING WORM: "Oh, hey guys" FINN AND JAKE: "Huh?" GIANT KING WORM: "Come here, friends.
Hug me." The Giant King Worm goes into a hypnotic mode, warbling. GIANT KING WORM: "Oh, yeah. Hug
me." The Giant King worm continues to warble.

THE END