SCENE FIFTEEN

INT: Michelle’s old room at her mother’s house

Vicky
Christ, do you remember how much time we spent here?

Michelle
Oh yea, playing that rotten music to drown out my
parent’s fighting

Vicky
Yea, some of their fights were hilarious; do you remember
your 16th birthday when your dad fell in your cake?

Michelle
How could I forget, and that wasn’t the worst part of it,
remember the morning after when I almost ate the broken
glass my mum had grounded into his breakfast. Those two
were fucked up.

Vicky
(Laughing) you have to admit it was never dull

Michelle
Sure, I had a blast, their fights ruined my childhood.
(Looks at her watch) ok it’s been over 30minutes, 20 more
than we agreed. Let’s go.

Vicky
Well I can’t fault you; you’ve held your end of the deal
(picks up a diary) look it’s your diary

Michelle
Christ, the stuff I used to write in there………looks like a
lifetime ago. Come on we’ll read it at my apartment.
Let’s get out of here. (They rush down the stairs to the
front door.)

Vicky
Wait, won’t you tell your mum we’re leaving?
Michelle
 (Shouts) Mother we’re leaving. See you at your funeral
(she hisses under her breath)

Vicky
        Bye Ms. Connor    
    
END
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
SCENE SIXTEEN
 INT: Night Club

EXT: media point in front of night club with paparazzi

photographing celebrities and football stars,
Cut to door to see Michelle with her assistant at the
door man with guest list

Michelle
There are my friends, let them in, Hey guys (she shouts
to get their attention)
(David, Vicky, Mark and Hugh walk towards entrance)

Michelle
Wow Vic you look hot; I’d fuck you (The friends are
ushered into the club). You guys get a drink and have fun
(Turns to Vic) you missy walk with me; there are a lot of
gorgeous guys here.

Vicky
Christ, I just got here; give me time

Michelle
Just remember our deal but most importantly, just have
fun.

Vicky
Hmmmmmmmm, I’ll try

Kevin
Shell; the birthday boy is here

Michelle
(To Vicky) go mingle, I have to work.
Oh and I mean mingle with new people not those losers
(Pointing to their friends)
END
 
 
 
 
 
 
 SCENE SEVENTEEN
The birthday boy walks in with a tall blonde model on his
arm.

Michelle
(Under her breath to Kevin)
Blonde bimbo; very predictable.

Michelle
Hey Craig; happy birthday (kisses him on both cheeks)
Great party uh? We have a great turnout; I have it on
great authority that we are the hottest party in London
tonight

Craig
(A bit tense)
Yea great party, you've done a great job, Emmmm this is
Monik, Monik this is Michelle, she’s the event planner,
this is all her handy work

Monik
Hi
Great party

Michelle
Thanks, enjoy

Craig
(To his date)
Babe can you excuse us for a sec, go get a drink, I need
to talk to Michelle. Party business you know how it is
 
Monik
Sure (Walks away)

Craig
Look, sorry about all that, this date was arranged before
you and I got together. If I knew what happened the other
night was going to happen I wouldn't have invited her.

Michelle
It’s no big deal, and we're not together; we had drunken
sex one time, there’s nothing to it.

Craig
So we're cool

Michelle
As ice (jokingly), go have fun it's your party.....find
me later; I’ll give you your present.

End
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
SCENE EIGHTEEN
 Michelle (to Hugh, Mark and David)
Guys are you having fun?

Hugh
Oh yea, I have never seen so many celebrities in one
place before.

Michelle
Christ, you lot are a bunch of pussies, there are a lot
of women here you'd rather stay together and play spot
the celebrity.

David
Oh come on; the girls here are out of our league

Michelle
True, but it's all about confidence dummy, they smell
fear so just do it; you've got nothing to lose right? You
probably won't see them again.

Mark
True

Michelle
Of course I’m right. I’m never wrong about such things;
come on.

Mark
Where?

Michelle
I’ll introduce you to some page 3 girls; I refuse to
believe I’m friends with a bunch of wimps.
(She walks off with them in tow)

END
 
 
 
SCENE NINETEEN
 (Michelle's dancing with some guy; Craig walks up to
them)

Craig
Is it time for my present yet?

Michelle
This is as good a time as any (She shows him a key)
Go through that door and wait for me, I’ll grab a bottle
of champers and I’ll meet you in 5 minutes.

Hugh
(Looking at Craig and Michelle)
She wouldn’t, not with his date right there.

Mark
I don't get how she does it; Monik is a model for God's
sake.

David
Well that's our Shelly for you; it doesn’t matter who you
are, she’ll screw you one way or the other. They all
laugh)
(Vicky walks up to them with a guy)

Vicky
Guys where's shelly?

Mark
Working hard I imagine (smiling coyly)
 
Vicky
Ok meet Edward, he works in shell's company, he handles
advertising right? (Asks Edward)

(Guys)
Well it's nice to meet you

Edward
Same here guys, (Whispers to Vicky) want to dance?
Vicky
 Sure, lead the way
(They walk towards dancing floor)

David
Awwwwwwww our little Vic is finally found a man

Mark
Her sponsor will be so proud

Hugh
Speaking of his sponsor, she's done ‘boinking’ the
birthday boy?

Mark
You guys cut it out
End
 
 
 

 
 SCENE TWENTY
(Michelle walks towards her friends, standing next the
bar drinking)

Mark
Finished with your job then?

Michelle
I’ll say, it’s getting late almost Half 3 we should get
going (To no one in particular) where’s Vic?

Mark
Well this will please you, she left an hour ago, with
some chap, Edward something; he works with you

Michelle
God, not that loser

David
Why? Thought you’d be please. She’s finally taking your
advice

Michelle
Not with that guy; he works in my building and is a total
ass. Thinks he’s God’s gift to women.  God I hope it’s a
one night only thing because I can’t stand the guy.

Michelle
Where’s Hugh?

David
He’s around here somewhere.

Michelle
I’ll go find him, how about we share a cab home?

David
Sounds alright, find Hugh we’ll be outside
(Michelle goes in search of Hugh and she sees him
plastered to the wall leading to the bathroom; she’s
about to call him when she notices, he’s kissing someone.
 Looking closer, she realizes he’s kissing Kevin her
assistant)

Michelle
That’s a new one (Turns and walks out to find her
friends)

Michelle
(Outside club)
Guys I can’t find him; maybe he got lucky and left. Let’s
go I’ll text him to let him know we’ve left
(She bumps into someone’s chest as she turns to hail a
taxi; she turns to face the person.)

Michelle
You (surprised)

Shane
You never called

Michelle
Not this again, I told you I was busy. What are you doing
here? You’re not still following me around are you?

Shane
Of course not, I work here remember? This is where we met
last week.

Michelle
Oh yea, so are you finished with work?

Shane
Yes

Michelle
How about we can pick up where we left off last Sunday

Shane
Really, I thought you were busy

Michelle
Looks like am wide open now; you up for it?
 Shane
Of course

Michelle
Great hop in

Shane
What about your friends?
Michelle
Oh they’ll be fine, they are big boys; go on get in

Michelle
(Turns to her friends)
Change of plans guys, something’s come up with Shane here
so we’ll take this cab. I’ll see you tomorrow

Mark
Christ, don’t you get enough?
 
Michelle
Stop sulking and don’t be late tomorrow ok? See you (Gets
in cab)

David
Enjoy (sarcastically)

Michelle
(Through cab window) Oh I intend to (Cab speeds away)

END
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  
SCENE TWENTY-ONE
INT: Michelle’s flat
(There’s a phone ringing)

Hugh
(To Michelle)
Just answer it, it’s driving me crazy. Who is it anyway?

Michelle
It’s that Craig Jackson

David
That Craig Jackson? You were all over him last night at
the party, what’s changed?

Michelle
(Shrugs) Nothing, I’ve just moved on

Mark
Moved on? It’s only been 6 hours ago, are you that
fickle?

Michelle
That was then, besides it was fun whilst I organized his
event but now that it’s finished, so is my association
with him.

David
You better tell him or change your job and phone number.

Michelle
I’ll deal with it later; Vic please pass the beer.

David
With all the beer you drink, I’m surprised
You still keep your figure

Michelle
You know my motor, work hard and play hard, (turns to
Vicky, talking about working hard, are we’re still on for
the thing this Friday?
 David
What thing? Not keeping secrets are we?

Michelle
Nothing like that I have to check out a new private club
on Friday night

Hugh
Aren’t we invited?

Michelle
Sorry, they are pretty anal about memberships, besides I
could only get two people in. Next time we’ll all go.

Vicky
I’m actually looking forward to it but remember we can’t
stay too late. We have Emma’s hen night. (To the boys)
you guys are going to Jason’s stag right?

Mark
Yea, should be fun

Michelle
Do I have to go? I’m sure there are so many better things
I could be doing that night

Vicky
Really, What?

Michelle
Off the top of my head, getting laid or a quiet night in
with my vibrators

Hugh
Don’t you ever get tired?

Michelle
Sorry to disappoint you but no

Vicky
Well tough, you don’t have a choice, you are going and
that’s that. Give your crotch a break.
 David
That will be a first (laughing)

Michelle
So you never told us how everything went with Edward the
loser last night, come on spill. Is his dick as tiny as I
know it is?

Vicky
He was nice, we had a good time

Michelle
Nice?

David
Hey you fucked him; I didn’t know you had it in you.

Vicky
No I didn’t we just talked

Michelle
Just talked (takes a sip of water); that wasn’t the deal

Hugh
Pay up guys, I told you she wouldn’t. Do I know Vic or do
I know Vic? (They all hand over 20 pound notes)

Vicky
Assholes, you bet that I’ll sleep with some guy? You guys
are sick. And you (to Michelle) don’t you have any
boundaries at all?
Michelle
Please, boundaries don’t allow you to live life to the
full.

Vicky
You want me to be like you, fucking everything that
moves, not slowing down or thinking about settling down,
having fun all the time? I saw you take that footballer
to the bathroom with his date right there and I hear you
left with someone else.
 
 Michelle
So? We were both horny; it couldn’t wait so we just
fucked there and then. We’re both consenting adults,
there’s nothing wrong with that.

Vicky
Yea but his date was right there.

David
I thought you didn’t shit were you eat.

Michelle
The party signified the end of our business together;
anyway (to Vicky) I hope you had a nice chat with
Edward the pratt and not seeing him again-; right?

Vicky
Sure
Mark
God, I envy you, I wish I can just get and screw whoever
I want, anytime I want.

Michelle
And what’s stopping you?  Last night I put you in a room
full of beautiful drunk girls; did you get anyone’s
number? (Turns to Hugh)What about you? You just vanished

Hugh
Oh I was in the bathroom

David
Oh yea? You lucky bastard, who was she?

Hugh
Not doing that, I had too much drink

David
Oh (disappointedly)

Michelle
It’s been a while for you hasn’t it Hugh? Perhaps we
should set you up. (He looks uncomfortable)
 Vicky
Leave him alone, he’ll find someone when he’s ready;
right Hugh?

Michelle
Maybe all he needs is a push

END
 
 
 SCENE TWENTY-TWO

INT: Michelle walks through her office corridor to

her office, someone whistles at her

Michelle
Asshole, (she shouts back in that direction; she enters
her office to find it full of flowers)

Michelle
Kevin… (He rushes in) what the fuck is this?

Kevin
They were here when I got in

Michelle
Do you know who sent them?

Kevin
Em no, there’s no card, I was hoping you would know

Michelle
I have no idea, and obviously neither does the sender, I
hate roses. Get rid of them

Kevin
Ok, (starts removing them, when he gets to the door) you
know you’re the only woman I’ve met who hates roses.

Michelle
It’s nothing personal; it’s just the crap it represents;
now get them out so I can work
(Kevin walks out)
 
Kevin
(Rushes excitingly through the door)Shell, that guy you
threw the party for, the footballer, Craig something,
just walked in. he’s coming this way

Michelle
Fine don’t just stand there drooling send him in
 Kevin
Ok, (Appears again with Craig in tow)

Michelle
Thanks Kevin, close the door behind you

Craig
So I see you got the flowers

Michelle
Oh they were from you

Craig
Yea, why-; don’t you like them?

Michelle
No they’re fine; I just don’t really care for roses

Craig
Just wanted to say thanks for a great party among other
things

Michelle
It was no bother, it’s what I do

Craig
I’m sure you don’t sleep with all clients

Michelle
No I usually don’t.

Craig
So when can we do it again? I’ve been unable to think
about anything else. How about a nice dinner then after
who knows?

Michelle
Oh thanks but I can’t

Craig
You can’t? If you’re busy now we can do dinner some other
night
 Michelle
Look Craig…

Craig
Oh-oh, I don’t like the sound of this; are you ending
things?

Michelle
That’s the thing, there’s nothing to end, we had sex a
couple of times, it was fun but that was all it was.

Craig
You are dumping me? You know I can have anyone I want,
all I have to do is flip my fingers and the girls come
running but I’ve chosen you and you’re turning me down?

Michelle
Oh please, am not one of your air head bimbos and you
didn’t choose me; I wanted your body, I wanted to fuck
you so I did. It was fun but now I’ve lost interest. 
Maybe we can have fun again someday but I’m not
interested in relationships or dating

Craig
I don’t believe you

Michelle
I’m sorry if you don’t but it’s true; I choose who I fuck
and when I fuck, when I’m done I move on. I can’t be your
girlfriend or your permanent bed partner. Look you are
young, rich and like you said can have whoever you want

Craig
But I want you

Michelle
Sorry you can’t have me, no one can but if you need
someone to throw you a kick ass party, Call me because I
always deliver; something I’m sure you know by now.
(Craig stalks out angrily)
 Kevin
What’s going on? He looks upset

Michelle
Get back to work and mind your fucking business

END
   
 
 SCENE TWENTY-THREE
INT: bachelorette party, Michelle and Vicky ring the door
bell. A tipsy brunette opens the door.

Girl 1 (Brunette)
Hey guys come on in, you’re late

Michelle
Looks like the party started without us

Vicky
And whose fault is that? How long does it take to put
that on?

Michelle
Hey am here aren’t I? Be thankful for that at least late
or not. (They walk into the living room where there are 6
more girls including the bride to be)

Michelle
Ladies, the guest of honor has arrived, let the party
begin. (Pulls two bottles of champagne out of her bag)

Girl 2
The party has already started and the guest of honor is
the hen, narcissist (Everyone laughs)

Michelle
(Shrugs) I beg to differ since I have the expensive
champagne. So what are we doing?

Vicky
(To bride)I’m so excited for you, ready for your big day?

Bride
Oh yea, everything is set now; was hard work but it will
all be worth it.

Michelle
I just don’t get it; you know the farce and all the
pressure you put on yourself. Why not have a small
 ceremony just you and your family.  You will save money
not to mention face when it all shots to hell
 
Girl 3
Oh it’s just like you to spew some nonsense like this

Girl 4
It’s a big wedding so they can share their love and
happiness with their friends and family.

Michelle
Nonsense, it is a farce, just a way to show off and let
people know how much money you have, take my advice take
the money; buy yourselves some diamonds and shoes or a
monkey if that’s what makes you happy.  You’ll be less
stressed and it’ll last longer than the marriage.

Bride
And what makes you think my marriage won’t last?

Michelle
Well not just yours my dear but other than me thinking
it’s stupid to stay with one person for the rest of your
life; statistics also shows that divorce has risen to 80%
in the last decade.

Bride
Well Liam and I will be an exception

Michelle
That’s what they all say
Vicky
Enough of the morbid shit (turns to Michelle) and fuck
off… you’re ruining the mood.

Girl 5
Enough of this, let’s play spin the bottle

Michelle
Great, is there a bottle of whisky in this place? Looks
like it’s going to be a long night
(Bride and friends start to play spin the bottle)
 Girl 1
Vic it’s your turn (Vic turns the bottle and points to
Michelle)

Girl 1
So kiss or drink?
(Michelle pokers up, making mocking kissing noises)

Vicky
Drink (takes a shot of tequila)

Michelle
Wimp

Girl 5
Ok everyone it’s the turn of the bride-; whooooooo (Bride
spins the bottle it points to Michelle again)

Michelle
Well aren’t I a lucky girl tonight?

Girl 5
So kiss or drink

Bride
(Hoarsely) Kiss
All (Ohhhhhhhhh) (Bride leans in and they start to kiss,
the kiss turns deeper and more heated, everyone is
entranced as they stare)

Girl 4
Em should we leave you two alone?

Bride
Christ it’s the champagne, I need some air (She walks out
to the balcony)

Girl 3
Ok, enough of the game, let’s pause, It’s time for a
boogie, someone turns on music as they start to dance;
Michelle follows the bride to the balcony)
 SCENE TWENTY-FOUR
EXT: (Bride standing, beside rails, looking at the stars,
Michelle walks in behind her)

Michelle
So you’re getting married tomorrow uh?

Bride
(Sighs) well that’s the plan
Michelle
Plan; I thought life was for living not for planning,
though I can’t help but feel like you’re marrying the
wrong person (laughs) no let me rephrase that you’re
marrying the wrong gender.

Bride
You never asked me.

Michelle
(Puts her arms around her)
Oh darling if I was a dyke or the marrying kind, you’d be
my first choice, well next to Vic of course.

Bride
(Laughing) of course but Vic is not a gay
Michelle
No she’s not so you’ll be next in line, but I’m not gay
either.

Bride
(Hesitantly) you sure? What about the last time and even
tonight?

Michelle
Look at me; do you think if I were gay I’ll hide it? I’ve
got too much balls for that

Bride
Still conceited I see (laughing)
 Michelle
Seriously though, I was experimenting last time and
tonight well I’m drunk. Believe me I don’t object to a
woman going down on me, no one knows how to get a woman
off better than a dyke, men don’t have a clue but
ultimately I prefer a stiff dick. I’ve never gone down on
a woman and I can’t see myself carpet munching for
eternity. I might experiment a lot and have no scruples
when it comes orgasms, man or woman, I don’t care but I’m
no dyke but you are so why are you marrying a man?

Bride
Well am at a certain age and I want to settle down and
have a family. You know be responsible.

Michelle
Christ, sound like something your parents will say. What
about you? It’s your life and FYI you don’t need to be
married to be responsible.

Bride
Yes what about my parent, my dad has spent a fortune on
this wedding. They will disown me, god my mum will have a
heart attack.

Michelle
Let it be your coming out party instead, so they’ll be
upset for a while, they’ll get over it, if not then fuck
them. It’s better to be honest than to live a lie and be
an unhappy.

Bride
You don’t know that I’ll be unhappy? It might work out.

Michelle
Oh no it won’t, you like pussy and you’ll be miserable
with some guy poking at you for years.

Bride
But I want kids.
 Michelle
Then have them with someone you love, there are many ways
of having children without a husband. Do things at your
own pace without pressure from your parents.  After all
it’s your life right? Do what makes you happy. If it’s
carpet munching then munch away I say
(They both laugh)

Girl 5
Hey you guys you’re missing all the fun, come join the
party.

Michelle
Come on let’s get you drunk; I find that I make the most
profound decisions when I’m drunk and you my friend need
to decide your future. (They walk back inside together)

END
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 SCENE TWENTY-FIVE
INT: (Michelle’s apartment, she asleep in the bedroom.
Vicky lets herself in with her makeup and hair done and
holding a clothing bag. She walks into the bedroom to
wake Michelle up)

Vicky
Shell, get up; we’ll be late for the wedding.

Michelle
Wedding?

Vicky
Yes wedding, remember, we went to the hen night and
that’s how come you are drunk

Michelle
Please, it was the only way I could make it through that.
Is the wedding still happening? I thought it had been
called off

Vicky
Called off? Why would you think that?

Michelle
(Shakes her head) No reason

Vicky
Oh come on, this is me; you were in a weird mood all
night.

Michelle
Fine but swear you won’t say a word

Vicky
(Gestures zipping her lips)My lips are sealed I promise

Michelle
The bride is gay

Vicky
What? (Starts laughing) don’t be silly
 Michelle
Oh I’m never silly about sex; you know that

Vicky
(Shocked)She’s gay? How do you know? Was it that kiss
last night? She was just drunk

Michelle
I know she was drunk but that wasn’t the only time, she
and I fucked a couple of times some time back.

Vicky
Fucked? Oh please this is one of your little wind ups
isn’t it?

Michelle
Not this time, she went down on me and I used a dildo on
her plus she saids she’s in love with me.

Vicky
So what; now you’re a dyke?

Michelle
No... It was just a bit of fun

Vicky
Of course it was for you, now she’s confused and it’s
your entire fault
Michelle
Oh please, she likes to have sex with women and I wasn’t
her first, she’s just got it into her head that she’s in
love. She’ll get over it

Vicky
So what now, did she say the wedding was off?

Michelle
Not specifically but I advised her not to go through with
it.

Vicky
Hey, you had no right, don’t mess up her life
 Michelle
Me? Mess up her life? What do you call living a lie and
marrying a man when you like pussy?

Vicky
But she’s in love with you …don’t give her hope, don’t
let her think she can have you when we both know that
can’t happen.

Michelle
Please if she doesn’t know that by now then she’s more
stupid than I realized.

Vicky
We’ll see, we’re still going to the wedding, no one’s
told me the wedding is off.

Michelle
Well I’ll be disappointed if she goes through with it
despite my advice.

Vicky
Please don’t make this about you, miss self involved,
it’s her life.

Michelle
Fine, I’ll go take a shower.

END
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 SCENE TWENTY-SIX
EXT: (Wedding, music in background, people laughing and
drinking champagne Michelle walks through to where the
bride is getting ready.)

Bride
(To her stylist) Guys can you give us a minute please
(To Michelle) So how do I look?

Michelle
I feel like am in a movie, a horror movie

Bride
Look, I thought about what you said but I can’t
disappoint everyone

Michelle
I’m disappointed to hear that, I thought you had more
balls than that. You’d rather be other people’s puppet
than be your own person. You’d sacrifice your happiness
in order to please others; I’ve got to give you credit;
you’re like Jesus, putting other people’s needs ahead of
your own. I guess you’re a better person than I am.

END
 
 
 
 
 
 
 SCENE TWENTY-SEVEN

EXT: (Wedding march begins, the bride walks down the

aisle and the ceremony is started.
The bride keeps looking back at Michelle)

Vicky?
What’s going on?

Michelle
I don’t know what you mean. Why?

Vicky
Why? She keeps looking at you

Michelle
So; why don’t you ask her?

David
Shhhhhhhhhhh

Minister (To bride)

Ok do you Emma, take Liam to be your lawfully wedded
husband…

Bride
(Interrupts the priest, turns to the groom) I can’t I’m
sorry

Groom
(Whispers)What are you talking about?

Bride
(Turns to her parents)I’m sorry but I don’t want to do
this; I think I’m gay. (Shockwaves ripple through the
crowd)

Michelle
(To Mark, Hugh and David) smiling, you guys better go
start the car, I think this will be ending sooner than we
thought
 
 Groom
Gay (shrugs); I can live with that (jokingly)

Bride
I’m sorry but I can’t marry you

Groom
This is a joke right? You’re kidding, (Turns to his
parents) She’s kidding

Bride
No, I’m not (starts to run towards the exit; stops in
front Michelle and Vicky)
Well? Get me out of here before I change my fucking mind

Michelle
(To Vicky) you heard her, go- go- go; (they all start to
run out with Vicky holding the veil; the groom and the
bride’s parents in hot pursuit)

Groom
Emma-a-a-a
Bride’s father
You come back here this instant young lady

(Mark and David signal, Michelle, Vicky and bride rush

towards the car

Hugh
(To Mark) What is going on?
Mark
I don’t know (To David) do you?

David
I never know what is going on, ask them (Gesturing to the
girls)

Hugh
What the fuck is going on?

Vicky
The bride is gay
 Guys
What?-?-?-?-?
Michelle
We’ll fill you in later, just drive.

(The bride throws her bouquet out of the car window as

the car speeds away; the groom catches it as he chases
the car with his parents in tow. scene fades to black
with music in the background as credits roll)

End
 
Elsie Boat: This work is copyright protected. The work and idea cannot be used without the owners’ permission.