Q. Nowadays most of the urgent problem can only be solved through international cooperation.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that humans are facing many urgent problems that need international

Commented [AB1]:
‘tackle’ needs an object - to tackle something

cooperation to tackle. I completely agree with this view for two main reasons. E.g.:
There are many ways of tackling this problem.
I tackled him about his careless work.

It is sometimes argued that many current problems are only resolved by international cooperative Commented [AB2]: ‘that need international cooperation to
tackle’

Commented [AB3]: ‘the solutions’ – the solutions to the

‘current problems’.
efforts. I believe that since many developed countries have different technical skills, governments
Commented [AB4]: ‘an issue with’; the same as ‘difficulty/
problem with something’.

Commented [AB5]: ‘all over’ – others are possible –

could share their techniques and work together to find the solution quickly. For example, currently,

Royal wedding was celebrated across the world.

we have issue on excessive waste over the world and billion tons of toxic waste are being thrown Royal wedding was celebrated around the world.

Royal wedding was celebrated all over the world.

away on a daily basis. Governments could share their knowledge to reduce volumes of waste or Royal wedding was celebrated throughout the world.

Commented [AB6]: ‘billions of tons of toxic waste’

Commented [AB7]: More formal here would be ‘being

to find environmentally friendly technology, which are not harmful to the environment. Also, other disposed of’.

Commented [AB8]: ‘is not harmful’ – ‘technology’ is

uncountable therefore – ‘it’.

forms of natural disasters, such as a rise in sea levels, earthquake, and snowstorm can be Commented [AB9]: This could be written a little more
clearly –

‘Governments could seek shared solutions to reduce

prevented, at least mitigate, huge casualties by technical cooperation among nations.
volumes of waste or to invest more in environmentally
friendly technology, which are not harmful to the
environment’

Commented [AB10]: Keep these plural – ‘natural disasters’

such as ‘rises in sea levels, earthquakes, and snowstorms’

Commented [AB11]: The grammar is inaccurate here –

‘,or huge casualties might be at least mitigated, by
technical cooperation among nations
Another reason that countries should make efforts together is that they could affect the actions of Commented [AB12]: More formal here would be
‘undertake mutual efforts’

nations that are damaging the environment or giving a threat to other nations. In theory, the Commented [AB13]: More accurate language here might
be - ‘could exert influence on nations that are damaging
the environment or posing a threat to other nations’.

more nations work together, the more power they have. For instance, when North Korea was

developing nuclear weapons, many other countries tried to stop it and set a limit on their illegal

development against UN agreement. Some countries banned North Korean people to visit their Commented [AB14]: More concise might be here-
‘control this development against UN agreement’

Commented [AB15]: This sounds like an argument against

‘many countries working together’.
countries, while other countries made laws to restrict any import from or export to North Korea.
Commented [AB16]: ‘banned North Korean people from
visiting….’

Thus, North Korea experienced difficult economic situation and they slowed down to develop Commented [AB17]: ‘slowed down to developing …’ –
slow +ing

these detrimental weapons.

In conclusion, various measures could be taken by international cooperation to tackle the urgent

issue that human beings face. Commented [AB18]: ‘through international cooperation
to tackle the urgent issues that human beings face’

‘through’ is used to describe processes (which have stages’)

Comments: – and it indicates a longer period of discussion..

IELTS Marking My comments

Criteria Band score
Task Fulfilment Addresses all parts of the task and there are some good
ideas. Presents a relevant position throughout the text
and your argument is generally defined. You give some
really good arguments and the ideas are interesting. I 7.0
feel the phrase ‘against UN agreement’ went against
your argument a little. Be careful with your tone – you
need to be a little more formal.

Cohesion and Presents, extends and supports relevant main ideas and
Coherence the structure of the essay is well-organized. Uses a range
7.5
of cohesive devices appropriately. Good cohesion in
your essay. Cohesion between sentences is very logical
and accurate. One mistake with ‘at least’ in a long
sentence.

Lexical resource Uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some

flexibility and precision but attempts to use less
7.0
common vocabulary but some inaccuracies. There could
be more accurate word choices in places which would
lead to more precise ideas. However, a very good range.

Grammatical Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms.

Range and Makes some occasional errors in grammar such as use of
7.0
accuracy the noun and verb agreement; and propositions and the
use of gerunds e.g. slow down +ing . Occasional mistakes
occur in sentences which are long. Be careful when you
use a mix of active and passive verbs in the same
sentence.

Overall score: 7.0 – some excellent ideas, and vocabulary and structure – well done 