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Body Language
Body language, which is best defined as a non-verbal form of communication showed through facial expressions, gestures, posture, and body
movements, says a lot about one’s personality. In essence, if you want to achieve an effective personality, you will also need to improve your body
language.
There are many ways you can improve your body language, but like most things, it needs practice and consistency so that it will become part of
you, and not just something you can do for a certain period of time. If you want to develop your personality in a positive way, you need to be
aware of your own body language and make sure it adheres to what is generally perceived as positive body language.

Basic Do’s for Body Language

These are just some of the different body language examples that you should follow.
 Maintaining eye contact is a sign of respect and interest towards the other person. If someone is talking and you make sure you are
keeping your eyes focused on them then this will make them feel that you are in fact interested in what they have to say.
 Another body language is your facial expression. If you are always frowning, this would indicate that you have a negative aura, and this
will push others away. Whereas if you are constantly seen smiling, you are going to attract other sunny and happy people to you.
 Posture is also very important. You need to sit properly, avoid slouching, and if you can, keep an open posture at all times, leaning
towards the speaker whenever necessary, to show that you are interested.
Don’ts for Body Language
Just as there are various body language movements and expressions you need to have, there are also those you need to do away with. These kinds
of body language are negative, and not at all helpful in projecting a pleasant or winning personality.
• Fidgeting. This would only indicate nervousness and will make the other person doubt your credibility or your ability.
• Standing too close. When you are too close to someone, physically, it will make the other person uncomfortable and will also trigger them to
think you are invading their personal space.
• Staring. Though it may not always be the case, staring is considered rude. While you maintain eye contact towards the other person, do not
overdo it to the point of staring.
• Crossing your arms. This would indicate resistance on your part, so if someone is talking to you and you are crossing your arms, you will make the
other person think that you really are not agreeing to what they have to say and you are making it known to them.

Practice Makes Perfect

As mentioned earlier, it is recommended that you keep practicing in order for these body languages to become natural for you. Now that you are
already aware of the do’s and don’ts, you can easily figure out which ones you need to get used to and which ones you need to get rid of. And little
by little, on a daily basis, you need to practice and maintain good body language. Constantly remind yourself of what gestures, movements, and
expressions you should have until it will be innate in you.
Your personality can be molded into what you have always wanted. You can attain a winning personality which everyone will admire you for. While
you can always work on the way you verbally communicate, improve your confidence, and build a positive aura around you, you also need to be
aware of your own body language. Look at yourself in the mirror while you talk and notice every form of body language you portray. Are these
positive? If there are those that you do not like, make an effort to eliminate them.

Let Your Body Do the Talking!

Gestures speak volumes
‘‘Learning is acquired by reading books, but much more necessary learning, the knowledge of the world, is only to be acquired by reading men, and
studying all the various editions of them.’’
Lord Chesterfield
In our ever-changing highly pressured lifestyles, perhaps the only constant is lack of time. With it being at such a premium, lengthy interactions are
passé. Body language with its gestures and facial expressions comes to our rescue.
Gestures are like words in a language, giving meaning to our actions. Often people are able to speak more through them than words. Lack of
correct expression dilutes the intensity of the spoken words.
In eloquent speaking, it is the manner that wins not words. The furrows of the forehead, positioning of the eyebrows, exaggerated opening of the
eyes, flaring of the nostrils speak volumes.
We express a myriad of attitudes by not just one gesture, but a series of related ones, called gesture clusters. They are groups of nonverbal
communications associated with different attitudes. The gestures that comprise a cluster can occur at the same time, as locking arms and ankles
and making a fist, or occur one after the other.
Understanding the congruence of gestures in harmony with one another is very important. A prior body movement (incongruent), which in turn
might be further repudiated by a subsequent gesture might contradict a static gesture lasting several seconds. The so-called nervous laugh is a
good example of incongruity. Not only are there nervous arm and leg movements, the entire body shifts as though trying to escape from an

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unpleasant situation. This gesture cluster seldom results from a humorous statement. It indicates that the laughter is unsure of himself or even
somewhat frightened by a situation.
By mentally matching congruent gestures that form clusters we can understand the attitudes expressed and discover some meaning.

Eye to Eye
‘‘The eyes of men converse as much as their tongues, with the advantage that the ocular dialect needs no dictionary, but is understood the world
over.’’
R.W.Emerson
 Your windows to the world can be used to convey the following!
 Raised eyebrows and wide open eyes express astonishment
 Eye contact while talking reflects how confident you are and while listening, shows your interest in what the other person has to say.
 Shy individuals avoid eye contact or at least try to minimize it. Studies reveal that such people could be the most honest, sincere and
dedicated individuals around.
 Gaze aversion is employed when a person is uncomfortable or guilty about a question being asked. But eye contact increases dramatically
in a defensive, aggressive or hostile situation.
 When eyebrows are usually down, particularly at the inner end they produce a frown
 Eye contact may express adoration between lovers or be symbolic of a lull before the storm, goading two hostile individuals to a fight.
 Squinting the eyes slightly expresses the wish to foresee an answer to a problem.
 Slight blinking of the eyes shows involvement in some sort of meditation.

A Mouthful of Gestures
 Do you realize that your mouth, which does most of the talking literally, can say a lot more physically too? Here’s how…
 A smile, which does not bare your teeth, shows that you are in a reflective mood and are amused at your musings.
 During an upper smile the upper incisors are exposed and there is usually eye-to -eye contact. Such a smile is used while meeting friends
or greeting parents.
 A wide smile is associated with laughter. Both the upper and lower incisors are exposed and an eye-to-eye contact seldom occurs.
 Beware of the oblong smile. It is used when someone has to be polite and pretend to enjoy a joke or an off-the-cuff remark. The lips are
drawn back from the upper and lower teeth forming an oblong.
 Highly emotional people in a sorrowful situation take deep breaths and expel air slowly making long sighing sounds.
 Hands covering the mouth while speaking are a gesture of astonishment, or when someone is sorry about what one said.
What do your Hands Say?
Our hands are the most abused part of our body. Sign language for the deaf and the dumb shows how effective hands are when it comes to non-
verbal communication.

 Hand-to-cheek is a gesture of the thinker, a person thoroughly engrossed in working out a problem.
 You are playing the role of a critical evaluator to the hilt if you bring your hand to your face and support your chin with your palm
extending your index finger along your cheek.
 Stroking the chin is a “Well, let me consider” gesture
 The pulling of the beard usually with the thumb and index finger is the gesture of a wise man making a judgment.
 Joining the fingertips to form what might be described as a church steeple. It designates the confident and sometimes smug, pontifical,
egoistic, or proud gesture
 Handshake is a gesture of welcome: interlocking palms signify openness and touching signifies oneness. Experts analyze character and
attitude from a person’s handshake.
 Perspiring palms usually indicate nervousness.
 Women, while expressing sincere feelings hold each other’s hands.
 Open hands are a gesture associated with sincerity and openness.
 Hiding hands in pockets or behind the back indicates a feeling of guilt or suspicion
 Arms closed on the chest is a defensive gesture
 In a cross-armed position, if the fingers are around the biceps, it is a protective posture.
 In sign language an extended right thumb upwards means good, but the left little finger means evil.
 The hands-on-hips gesture is the sign of a high achiever. It communicates commitment to goals. This gesture may also indicate a
readiness to perform a task.
 Arms spread out with hands gripping the edge of the table is the gesture of a person demanding to be heard.
 A woman is reassured by gracefully bringing her hand to her throat or by pinching the fleshy part of her hand.

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 A child needing reassurance sucks his thumb and a teenager bites his nails.
 Wringing hands is common when someone is in the hot seat.
 Slightly clenched hands indicate a tensed person who is not open to suggestions. A clenched fist signifies
 determination anger and possible hostile action.
 Palm-to-back-of-neck gesture is called a defensive beating posture.
 When people join their fingertips in a church steeple form, it signifies a confident gesture.
 Hands joined together at the back and chin thrust upwards is a position of authority

Your walk says it all

Each one of us has a distinctive walk with the pace, length of stride, and posture changing with emotions.
 Generally those who walk rapidly and swing their arms freely tend to be goal oriented
 The person who habitually walks with hands in pockets, even in warm weather, is critical and secretive. He/she plays the role of the
devil’s advocate quite well, since putting other people down happens to be a favorite pastime.
 When dejected, people scuffle along with their hands in their pockets, seldom looking up or noticing where they are headed.
 A person who walks with hands on hips is more like a sprinter than a long-distance runner. Sudden bursts of energy are often followed by
periods of seeming lethargy while he/she plans the next move.
 When preoccupied, we assume a meditative pose, walking slowly with head down, hands clasped behind the back.
 Walking with a raised chin, the arms having an exaggerated swing and somewhat stiff legs signals
 self-satisfaction and pompousness. The pace is deliberate, calculated to impress.
 Setting the pace is an expression that applies equally well to leaders of men whose subordinates keep in step behind them.

Self-control gestures
 Locked ankles and clenched hands gripping the armrests of the chair.
 Holding an arm behind the back while the other hand grips the wrist tightly
 Restraining an arm or gripping the wrist

Acceptance gestures
 Hand-to-chest gesture endorses loyalty, honesty and devotion. It portrays the sincerity of the person.
 Moving closer to a person is akin to closing the gap or it could even mean a private conversation.
 Touching the arm or shoulder is used to reassure someone

Positive Gestures
 Carrying documents to one side, rather than to the chest.
 Maintaining eye contact, tilting the head and nodding are positive gestures of a good listener
 While talking on the phone, a polite nod or a finger gesturing a visitor to wait shows your good manners.
 Stopping your work or shutting your book when someone approaches you.

THE LANGUAGE OF BODY

When one expresses his/her feelings, it has been said that.
55% of the communication consists of body language.
38% is expressed via the tone of voice or intonation and amazingly only
7% is communicated via words.
This means that we express most of our feeling ( 93%) in a non-verbal
way and our words only convey 7% of what we are saying or expressing.
Body Language Types
Face Head
 Frown  Flutter eyelashes
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 Giggle  Grit Teeth
 Grimace  Hold Nose
 Grin  Nod Head (yes)
 Guffaw  Raise Eyebrows
 Laugh  Shake Head (no)
 Scowl  Stick out Tongue
 Smile  Wink
 Smirk  Wrinkle Nose
 Snarl  Yawn

Shoulders Hand, Fingers & thumb

 Rolling shoulder suggestively  Applauding
 Shrugging shoulders in disbelief  Extending Pinkey
Arms  Crossing fingers (to lie)
 Limp Wrist  Giving the finger
 Raise hand in class  Holding Hands
 Sigh of cross  Pointing
 Waving hand (note gender difference)  Shaking Hands
 Sports Signals  Thumbing a ride
Legs & Feet  Thumbs up
 Crossing legs (note gender and ethnic differences)  Twiddling thumbs
 Sitting on a park bench
 Sitting on a bus seat
 Slapping knee while laughing

Body Language Interpretation

Biting nails Nervous, Insecure
Drumming fingers Restlessness or Impatience
Steepling fingers Display of Authority, Influence
Open palms Expression of sincerity, Innocence
Rubbing both hands Anticipation, Impatience
Resting the cheek on the hand Thinking, Evaluating
Folded arms across the chest Disagreement
Walking to and fro with hands clasped behind Frustration, Apprehension
Eyes downcast Guilty, Boredom
Rubbing the eyes Disbelief, Doubt
Rubbing the bridge of the nose Uncertain, Rejection
Resting the head on the palms Boredom, Despair
Head tilted to one side Shows interest, Listening
Hands on the hips Aggression, Authoritative
Brisk walking Exudes confidence
Kicking your foot while walking or sitting Signs of boredom
Sitting with hands behind the head and legs stretched Relaxed, Confident and Thinking
Leaning forward Displaying Interest

NONVERBAL BEHAVIOR INTERPRETATION

Brisk, erect walk Confidence
Standing with hands on hips Readiness, aggression
Sitting with legs crossed, foot kicking slightly Boredom
Sitting, legs apart Open, relaxed
Arms crossed on chest Defensiveness
Walking with hands in pockets, shoulders hunched Dejection
Hand to cheek Evaluation, thinking
Touching, slightly rubbing nose Rejection, doubt, lying
Rubbing the eye Doubt, disbelief
Hands clasped behind back Anger, frustration, apprehension
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Locked ankles Apprehension
Head resting in hand, eyes downcast Boredom
Rubbing hands Anticipation
Sitting with hands clasped behind head, legs crossed Confidence, superiority
Open palm Sincerity, openness, innocence
Pinching bridge of nose, eyes closed Negative evaluation
Tapping or drumming fingers Impatience
Steepling fingers Authoritative
Patting/fondling hair Lack of self-confidence; insecurity
Tilted head Interest
Stroking chin Trying to make a decision
Looking down, face turned away Disbelief
Biting nails Insecurity, nervousness
Pulling or tugging at ear Indecision
Unintentional Body Language
 Blinking
 Blushing
 Cowering
 Cringing
 Shuddering
 Trembling
 Twisting hair
 Weeping

Key Types of Gestures

Humans are blessed with the ability to create a wide variety of gestures and expressions from the top of the head to the tips of the toes. Gestures
can show intention, such as leaning forward just before rising out of a chair; as well as showing no intention, such as crossing arms and legs. Some
gestures belong to you, because you’ve become so identifiable by them. Some gestures are displacement gestures: you do them for no reason
other than to displace some energy. Some gestures are specific to local customs, and some are universal gestures that everyone does.

Unintentional gestures
Unintentional gestures are behaviours that inhibit your ability to act. They’re like the fright part in the ‘fright or flight’ syndrome
The unintentional gestures imply that you have no intention of moving from where you are. They hold you back, won’t let you go, and your body
says that you’re not budging. And no amount of outside influence to get you to move is
going to succeed.
Examples of unintentional gestures are
_ Folded arms
_ Lips pressed together
_ A hand or finger in front of the mouth
_ Crossed legs
These actions all keep you in place. You can’t walk when your legs are
crossed. You can’t speak with your hand in front of your mouth. Crossed
arms say that you’re holding back

Signature gestures: Gestures

that define who you are
A signature gesture is one that you become known by, a common gesture that you perform in a particular way. The person who twirls her curls
around her finger, or the one who sucks her thumb, or the one who pats her eyebrows. These gestures give us clues into the person’s personality.
Signature gestures set you apart from all others. Think Napoleon Bonaparte
and his mighty stance (see Figure 1-4) – on the canvas, not the battlefield. Standing with his hand tucked into his waistcoat, he looks the picture of
pride and authority. Who knows if he ever really stood in that position. The
artist created the image and we believe the artist.

Some examples of signature gestures can be seen in a person’s

_ Posture

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_ Smile
_ Hand clap
_ Pointing finger
_ Clothes tugging
Some sportspeople perform specific actions as an anchor to get them grounded and focus their energy. Before serving, the tennis player Rafael
Nadal, tugs at the back of his shorts. This gesture is so closely associated with this gifted sportsman that other players have been known to mock
him on the courts and in the dressing rooms by performing it in front of him.
By recognising signature gestures you can tell what kind of person you’re dealing with. Certain gestures, like clapping the hands together once,
show a mind that’s organised. The hair twirling gesture indicates that the person
may be a day dreamer. When you successfully read the signs you can figure out how best to manage the person. If you want to be easily identified
and remembered you can create your own signature gesture. Victoria Beckham’s sexily defiant pout has become her signature gesture, as has Hugh
Grant’s foppish head toss
Fake gestures: Pulling the wool
Fake gestures are designed to camouflage, conceal, and fool. They deliberately point you in one direction to make you believe something that isn’t
so. Fake gestures pretend to be something when they’re actually something else. You’re able to tell a fake gesture from a real one because some of
the real gesture’s parts are missing.
Some gestures that are commonly faked are
_ Smiling
_ Frowning
_ Sighing
_ Crying
_ Holding your body as if in pain
Displacement gestures
When you’re feeling conflicting emotions, you may engage in gestures that have no relation to your immediate goals. These behaviours are mostly
selfdirected and serve to release excess energy and gain a feeling of comfort,
even if only temporary. Drumming fingers, flicking feet, going for a glass of water when you’re not even thirsty – these are the behaviours of
someone who’s looking to burn some pent up energy, or at least, refocus it. Called displacement
activities, they’re a conduit for excess energy that’s looking for a place to go.
Some examples of displacement gestures are
_ Fiddling with objects
_ Tugging at your earlobe
_ Straightening your clothes
_ Stroking your chin
_ Running your fingers through your hair
_ Eating
_ Smoking
Some smokers light up a cigarette, take a puff or two, and then put it out or leave it in the ashtray barely smoked. These people may not actually
want the cigarette, but need a gesture to take their mind off something else. I knew the time had come to stop smoking when I had three
cigarettes on the go in a four-room apartment. I was working in New York, living on my own, making barely enough to pay my monthly bills, and
wondering what I was doing with my life. I was frustrated and feeling anxious. One morning, while I was in the kitchen making coffee, I lit up a
cigarette. When the phone rang, I
answered it in the living room, leaving the cigarette burning in the kitchen
Universal gestures
Universal gestures, such as blushing, smiling, and the wide-eyed expression of fear, mean the same thing across world cultures. These gestures
stem from human biological make-up, which is why you can recognise them spanning
the globe.
Smiling
From the sands of Iraq to the shores of Malibu, humans are born with the ability to smile. From the earliest days in an infant’s life, her facial
muscles can form the upward turn of the lips and the crinkling around the outer edges
of the eyes to create a recognisable smile. Sure, each person may have her own unique way of smiling. The point remains
that anyone with working facial muscles who’s conveying a positive message lifts her lips in pleasure
When you see the sides of the lips turned up and the eyes crinkling at their outer edges, count on that smile being genuine in showing pleasure.
The Japanese smile in embarrassment as well as pleasure. Young women giggle behind their hands. Don’t expect the Japanese to respond to your
humour with a raucous, belly laugh.
Blushing
If you blush, your embarrassment’s showing. The blood flows to your chest and cheeks, and you want to drop down and hide. Go to Thailand, go to
Alabama, or any country: You see this gesture everywhere when embarrassment

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takes over. To control the blushing take several slow, deep breaths from your diaphragm to steady your nerves and control the blood flow.
Crying
Crying is a universal sign of sadness. One of an infant’s first actions is to let out a walloping great cry when she first enters this world, having been
torn for the comfort and safety of her mother’s womb. No one had to teach her,
she was born knowing how. If you feel tears well up in your eyes and you want to stop them from flowing down your face, fix your gaze at that
point where the ceiling and wall meet.
Shrugging
Shrugging is a gesture that people use when they need to protect themselves in some way. The full shrug is when your head dips into your rising
shoulders,the sides of your mouth turn down, your palms turn upwards, and you
raise your eyebrows.
The shrug can indicate
_ Indifference
_ Disdain
_ Unknowing
_ Embarrassment

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