Q. Nowadays, most large companies operate multi-nationally.

To what extent those Commented [AB1]: ‘many of multi-national companies’

With a plural noun – no ‘of’
companies should have responsibility towards local communities in which they operate?

e.g. Many books . . Use many with the definite article

(Many of the books . . .) or with
In recent years, many of multi-national companies have expand their business over the world. Commented [AB2]: ‘expanded’ +ed makes the present
perfect.

Governments also are making preferential laws to attract companies to invest money in their Commented [AB3]: ‘creating/ implementing/ legislating/
introducing’ are more formal words here.

Commented [AB4]: Something can benefit somebody

counties. I believe that these companies should also benefit local people to have a better standard of (people) not other people (companies) –
‘companies should also serve local people by providing
them with …..’
living.
Here are some verbs you can use -
serve, be useful to, be of use to, be helpful to, be of help
to, help, aid, assist, be of assistance
to; better, improve, strengthen, boost, advance, further

I would argue that they have a responsibility to keep the clean environment. Most large companies Commented [AB5]: ‘to have a better standard of living’

Commented [AB6]: ‘multi-national companies’ - in the

first sentence of a paragraph you need to repeat ‘who’.
bring environmental problems to local areas, because they build huge factories to produce their
Commented [AB7]: ‘maintain / sustain’ are more formal
and better alternatives here.

products, which usually result in pollution of air and water resources. Thus, global companies need Commented [AB8]: ‘the pollution of air’ or ‘air and water
pollution’.

Commented [AB9]: ‘make an effort; make efforts’

to make effort to take part in envirionmental-related campaigns to protect and preserve our
Commented [AB10]: ‘environment-related’ – the first part
should be a noun - ‘car-related’.
environment. Companies also could encourage their employees to use bicycle and public transport
Commented [AB11]: ‘also could’ –
The most common word order is modal + adverb + verb
(could also encourage). ...
during their commute, which can help to improve air-quality around the city. They also would spend
Commented [AB12]: ‘the bicycle’ – use ‘the’ with forms of
transport.
money on environmental projects to create more green spaces such as more trees around their sites.
Commented [AB13]: ‘for their commute’ – ‘use + for’.

Commented [AB14]: ‘could or should’

Furthermore, they could make their employees clean up the neighborhood to make a good ...
Commented [AB15]: Remember here that the modal verb
should go before the adverb - 'could also'.
impression to those who live around companies.
Commented [AB16]: ‘make a good impression for / on
those….’

Commented [AB17]: ‘the companies’ – the companies

that you have mentioned.
On the other hand, global manufacturers have an economical responsibility for local inhabitants. Commented [AB18]: ‘economical responsibility’ –
‘economic’ is the correct adjective.

They should try to make more job opportunities for local people. For example, they could offer the Economic means "having to do with the economy or the
study of economics. "Economical means
"careful or prudent in managing finances, money-saving.
priority of applying for jobs in people who live nearby companies. This could lead to increased "Economically is the adverb form of both words.

Commented [AB19]: ‘economical responsibility to’ –

employment in local areas, thereby the places where multi-national companies run their businesses 1) be responsible to the people.
2) be responsible for the people's safety and rights.

Commented [AB20]: ‘offer the priority of applying for jobs

would continue to develop economically. In addition, companies could start social programmes to to people’ – offer something to someone.

Commented [AB21]:

help people who are not employed to learn new skills. As a result, these people could get training
‘thereby allowing the places where multi-national
companies run their businesses to continue to develop
and find other jobs. economically’

After ‘thereby’ +ing is used –

‘thereby’ - as a result of this action:

"Regular exercise strengthens the heart, thereby reducing t

In conclusion, companies could help local people to have a high-quality of living and improve in local he risk of heart attack."

Commented [AB22]: More formal – ‘introduce, implement,

initiate’.
environment and these efforts contribute to their brand images in a positive way.
Commented [AB23]: You use ‘could’ a lot – ‘might/ may’.

Commented [AB24]: ‘have the potential to’

Comments: Commented [AB25]: ‘high quality’ – no hyphen is needed

here as you are not making an adjective here.

IELTS Marking My comments Commented [AB26]: ‘improvement’

Criteria Band Commented [AB27]: ‘the local environment’

score Commented [AB28]: ‘would contribute’ – ‘would’ is good

here meaning ‘would if they were implemented’.

Task Fulfilment Addresses all parts of the task and there are some
good ideas. Presents a relevant position
throughout the text and your argument is
defined. You give some really good arguments 7.5
and the ideas are interesting. You need one fewer
sentence in each paragraph.
Cohesion and Presents, extends and supports relevant main
Coherence ideas and the structure of the essay is well-
7.0
organized. Uses a range of cohesive devices
appropriately. Good cohesion in your essay but
issues some over long sentences. Cohesion
between sentences is very logical and accurate.

Lexical resource Uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow

some flexibility and precision but attempts to use
6.5
less common vocabulary but some inaccuracies.
You tend to choose informal vocab choices and
you tend to overuse ‘could’ in your essay.

Grammatical Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence

Range and forms. Makes some errors in grammar such as use
7.0
accuracy of definite article; and prepositions and word
families – ‘environmental’; ‘economical’. Some
good and adventurous sentences and ideas.

Overall score: 7.0 – some very good ideas , and grammar and structure – well done 