Michelle Arendas

Gender and Communication

Dr. Suzy D’Enbeau

“It Gets Better” Analysis

Personal Reactions:

I began reading this book with the perception that it would not be something

applicable to my life as a non-LGBTQ person, and thankfully was proven wrong.

Although the book is written with a LGBTQ audience in mind, each story has its own

lesson to be learned that can be applied to the lives of many different types of people. The

authors presented the topics of the book in a way that made it easy to be engaged in the

stories that were shared. The main idea throughout the book, that life after coming out

gets better, was one that I initially wrote off and took for face value. I assumed that

because that message was geared towards someone who is LGBTQ, it did not have

relevance in my life. As each story went into personal details it gave me more to relate to,

and I realized that this was not a topic I could simply write off because I was straight.

Some of the stories created an emotional response for me, because the struggles

and difficulties the individual authors faced was nearly always at the hands (or the

negligence) of people who were not members of the LGBTQ community, like myself.

These stories served not only to encourage those who are LGBTQ, but to also to be an

example for how to better these situations for those who are not. This idea that by not

doing anything for those who are LGBTQ, it can be as harmful as when people actively

work against them, was something that really resonated with me because I personally

have not been very active in advocating or supporting that community.

Class Related:

There were many times throughout the book where I was reminded of materials

that we had learned in class. The authors of the individual stories often brought up their

upbringing and their home life, directly referencing their parents in some of the pages.

One example is when Juan Carlos Galan writes in his short story, “My family was

constantly telling me that I needed to change my mannerisms; they would criticize the

way I spoke and walked.” (Miller & Savage, p. 134). This relates with the topics that we

discussed in our classes on becoming gendered. The authors frequently wrote that they

had very complex feelings and emotions about their gender identity during their

formative years, often as a result of parents who enforced or expected strict gender roles.

The roles that are communicated by parents happen from birth, when they label their

children by their sex, and its perpetuated through how they parent them and how they

express and define their femininity and masculinity (Lecture notes, 3/2). The

environment and way in which the LGBTQ people become gendered has a strong affect

on their view of themselves and this was illustrated in both the text and discussion.

Another frequent theme of both the book and our class is instances of gendered

violence. There are a multitude of types of gendered violence and so many examples

from the text that served to illustrate just how prevalent it is. One story, titled Transsexual

Prairie Girl included a passage that said, “Any time I was in public and made eye contact

with someone, I got really nervous and thought, “Oh, this person is staring at me because

I'm transgendered” (Miller & Savage, 124). This passage serves as a good example of the

concept of gender intimidation, which is when “Members of one sex are treated in ways
that make them feel humiliated, unsafe, or inferior because of their sex” (Lecture notes,

3/9). This idea of injustice based on gender or sexual preferences is resonated frequently

through the text, and gave me concrete examples of what we had learned in class.

Application in my life:

Following reading this book, my eyes have been opened more to the adversity that

LGBTQ teens face. Its now more apparent to me that doing nothing is incredibly

counterproductive. Before I read the book, I watched some of the associated YouTube

videos that Miller and Savage collected. After finishing it, I went back to find some of

my favorites in video form in order to hear how the individual authors had told their

stories, this was even more impactful than just the words in some cases. I shared videos

on my social media pages, and got responses on Facebook. Through this I was able to

engage in a conversation about the project and the message they are spreading through it.

Through the powerful words of the stories, I know that even though a social media share

is a start, it isn’t enough.

Thankfully, our group has been very open for discussion and sharing ideas of the

opportunities for support and influence that we have. I hope that similarly to what we

learned in green dot training, I am going to get better at understanding my barriers, and

find other ways to use my life to make a difference in the lives of LGBTQ teens. This

book has helped to answer several questions I had about the experiences of LGBTQ

people and open my thinking and conversation to topics that I most likely would not have

approached on my own.