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"I'm Bessie", she purred. "Dont try to get up", she said, as
I did just that. "you've got a terrible boo boo on your
head".
Epilogue
To be continued!
Things had been slow these days until the phone rang.
"Bring, Bring." Whata coincidence, eh? I picked up the ol'
raprod to hear the bellowing voice of Capt. Lardbucket. He
explained that they had a case right up my alley. Simple yet
difficult. Easy yet hard. Totally ridiculous. A man had been
found down at the old Cesspool boat house with a "Twinkie"
lodged in his skull. Hmmm, this was interesting.
"Ok, Ill crack it wide open, just send me some help, all my
regulars are on vacation. Suit up Bess, We've got a case on
our hands thats a real hum dinger."
"Here's what I know: I was out back storing oars and all
that other crew jazz when I heard a spine chilling scream. I
turned and ran towards the noise where I saw a man slam a
large "Twinkie" into the victims head."
"Ok you bung's, anyone moves and the dame gets it!" What
could I do? I could shoot through Bess killing 'Wump, but
that could get messy.
"I'm getting out of here and she's my ticket, as for you all
, your history!" Uh oh, I didnt like the sound of that...
"Oops,"says Special.
"Dont play dumb with me babe, it wont work, I'm dumber than
you are so I can see right through your little scheme.
Dugwump was your lover who you finagled into doing your
dirty work for you, if he got caught, you'd still be in the
pink. The man he murdered was the only other person
qualified to cox the winning, nationally famous, light
weight four, besides your self, of course. And you wanted it
all, fame, power,and glory, but you didn't count on me and
my superior intellect figuring out this plot. Pack, it up
babe, your doing hard time!"
And we were off, the chase was on! Robyn ran from the
room thru the doorway with us right on her tail. It's a
wonder what the though of jail will do to make one run so
fast. We had gotten down the stairs and onto the dock of the
old boat house (which was conveniently placed right next to
her house) just in time to watch her jump into a motor boat
and go tearing out into the Poluteomac river as if jaws was
after her. And lucky us, there wasn't another boat anywhere
in sight! Time to strain the old brain and come up with
another save the day plan...Hey, why not use my Acme-Battle
Suit?! Goggles on, the next thing I knew I was zooming along
the waters surface like a human torpedo.
Epilogue
Well, another one done. The dames doing hard time
busting rocks at the pen. She confessed to everything,
saying that she couldn't take anymore of this silly story.
Anyway, she was still going to be rich and famous by the
time she got done suing me for the destruction of her
priceless Elvis Presly McDonalds glasses. As for Special, he
was a great help and he should recover fine from his little
tango with the buoy we hit, he may walk a little stiff
legged for a few weeks, but that wont stop Special. Bess,
she's still a little wet be hind the ears but a dry towel
and some chicken noodle soup will cure that. As for me, it's
miller time and so with that it's back to my jungle, a place
where I can escape the one outside on the streets, boom-
dadda-boom-ding-dang, "Bess!"...
To be continued...
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"Sure, I know where they are, but it'll cost ya. You know
how it is, if they ever found out who told you, they'd kill
me!"
"Ok X, give her the money and get the info, I'm taking
Special with me downstairs to get some photo supplies I
need."
Datta and Special filed out the door and down the
stairs. I reached into my pocket and forked out a "Benjamin
Franklin," and handed it to Kathleen.
"You don't talk much, but some how I believe you, I bet you
can handle your self pretty well, if you have a chance, give
me a call sometime, we'll do lunch." I smiled and headed on
down the stairs to get Tej and Special so we could get over
there and confront these bozo's.
"So who are we after? Whats the case? Do I get over time?"
"Just shut up Steve and I'll give you the details." Kid asks
to many damn questions. Sheesh. "Ok, the plan is this: we're
going to go in via the storm drain which runs right below
the building, there is a man whole cover that leads right up
into their underground garage. From their we'll take out
their security system and then go looking for evidence. Both
Tej and I have our Super Automated Do-Everything camera's so
we'll be taking shots of whatever we find. Ok?"
"But it's a perfect plan Sasha, it's the best we've got."
"Ok you guys, keep it quiet! Steve, stay here and guard the
exit, we'll be right back."
From here it was up the stairs to the Switch box room
that contained the security box.
"But what caused the explosion and the death of the victim!"
Epilogue
To be continued...!
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With that she told me the whole story. She was going to
attend a Brain Cramming Institution of Higher Lore this
coming fall, but there was a problem. She felt there was
something fishy going on down there and she wanted me to
look the place over. This would mean a trip to the far coast
and the recruitment of some special operatives. I told her
I'd take the case. She wanted to come along, "maybe I'll
learn something," she had said, and what the hay, Bess' was
away and it always helps to have a dame around, just in
case. I grabbed my jacket and fedora and we headed out the
door, she flipped a "butterfly" knife the whole way to our
next destination.
"Put the hormones on hold fellas, I know you all don't get
many females in here, but this ones off limits, she's a
client."
"I's sittin back der eat'n my Tasty Freeze cone when I's
clocked you doing 175 ina 45mph zone, then ya's proceeded to
go through old man Zeke's chicken coop and you sucked one of
dem birds into your turbocharger-dothingy. Basicaly thats a
420: reckless driving, a 367: destroying domesticated farm
animals with a motor vehicle with out a license, and a 763:
the intentional intent to ruin an officer of da laws uniform
with a Tasty Freeze cone. That adds up to about a $500.00
fine and 30 days in jail. So what do you have to say for
yourself?"
"Ok guy, McCool, blah blah blah, blah totally thrasher." The
guy didn't know much, but said that somebody had been making
waves over at something called a "library." I thanked him
and gave him a buck for a real haircut. We headed back to
the rendezvous with our other team mates, Troy tripping
skaters as we went.
Things didn't look good, Rich had found out that, the
president of the "U" had been paid to keep his mouth shut
about all the stuff he knew nothing about and wasn't
supposed to tell us. We walked back over to his office to
give him the billy club and rubber hose treatment only to
find him dead. Death by "Mr. Rodgers" overdose. He sat
strapped to his fake leather chair, eyes blood shot and
staring, a look of wholesome horror on his face.
"Now boys and girls, can you say neighbor?" I realized that
this was more than any person over four could take.
Epilogue
The bad guys were beaten. After rounding up these thugs
and seeing to Miss Hong's well being, we squeezed some info
out of the goons. It turns out that this group had been paid
by the mob to guard Jimmy Hoffa's brother. Which turned out
to none other than Elvis. Yes he was drugged up beyond
belief and believed that he was living in Graceland II,
located in Albecerque, New Mexico. Needless to say there was
great rejoicing across the country and Elvis was named
President of the U.S.A., that is until he was chalked up as
another sighting. As for my client, she was happy to see
that the place she was going to was allright, except for the
skaters, which she knew how to handle. We had all become
quite fond of her in our brief time together. It was with a
tear in our eye as we said "later" (never good-bye), gave
her a last fleeting hug, and watched her walk towards her
new home-away-from-home. Things would be a little duller
without her around but that was the way of things. She had a
bright future ahead, and we were but many of the supporting
characters in her life's play. With that we walked back to
the hearse and headed for home. "Stairway to Heaven" played
on the radio, and life as usual beckoned to us from afar...
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