ELTU2012 Business Communication I

MODULE 1 JOB SEARCH SKILLS

1B JOB APPLICATION LETTERS

OBJECTIVES

 To introduce how to format and structure a job application letter

 To help you describe relevant qualifications and work experience appropriately with
supporting examples
 To raise your awareness of the tone and style of a job application letter

LEARNING OUTCOMES

Upon completion of this section, you will be able to:

1. identify the audience’s need(s) and structure a job application letter
2. write a job application letter with persuasive language
3. revise your writing to make it correct and concise

WARM-UP DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. You have already summarized your qualifications, work experience, skills and
achievements in your résumé. Why do you think an application letter is needed when you
respond to a job advertisement by email or by post?

2. How do you format and structure a job application letter? How much information do you
need to include?

3. How can you make a favorable impression with a potential employer?

ELTU2012 Module 1b Job Search Skills: Job Application Letters (Student Version) 1August2017 1
ELTU2012 Business Communication I

CONTENT AND ORGANIZATION OF JOB APPLICATION LETTERS

An application letter, which is sometimes called a cover letter, is needed to elaborate your
résumé in greater detail so that your prospective employers know
 what you’re sending
 why you’re sending it
 how they can benefit from reading it

The purpose of your application letter is to get the reader interested enough to read your
résumé so you should
 learn something about the company you’re applying to
 focus on your audience so that you can show you’ve done your homework
 show how your background and talents will solve a particular problem or meet a
specific need the company has
 address your letter with the name, title, and department of the person to whom you
are writing

WRITING APPLICATION LETTERS

Use the AIDA approach (Attention-Interest-Desire-Action) in writing application letters.

Attention:
In the opening of an application letter, try to
 focus on your audience and maintain a “you” attitude
 emphasize readers’ benefits
 project confidence
 clearly state your reason for writing
 give the reader a reason to keep reading
 use the subject line to get the reader’s attention

Interest and Desire:

To build interest and increase desire in the middle section of your application letter, try to
 present your strongest selling points (in terms of their potential benefit to the organization)
 be careful not to repeat facts presented in your résumé (create a more rounded picture of
your potential to contribute to the organization)
 back up your assertions with some convincing evidence of your performance
 discuss each requirement specified in the job advertisement

ELTU2012 Module 1b Job Search Skills: Job Application Letters (Student Version) 1August2017 2
ELTU2012 Business Communication I

 If you feel they are relevant and can be supported by evidence, consider mentioning a few
personal characteristics (e.g., diligence, willingness to work hard, ability to learn quickly,
skill at handling responsibility, and aptitude for getting along with people)
 refer the reader to your résumé by citing a specific fact or general point covered there

Action:
To motivate action, you
 ask the readers for a specific action (e.g., for an interview)
 try to sound natural and appreciative
 offer to come to the employer’s office at a convenient time
 make a reply easy by clearly stating contact information and the best time to reach you

In your cover letter you should

 be specific
 keep it short: 3-4 paragraphs to show how your strengths and character would fit the
position
 show some personality (But do not overdo it!)
 aim for high quality: accurate spelling, mechanics, and grammar

TASK 1: IDENTIFYING LETTER PARTS

Read the following application letter. Identify different letter parts and write your comments
in the table below. Focus on the letter parts only. For example:

Body text/ Recipient’s address/ Subject line/ Endnote/ Closure/ Signature / Salutation
Sender’s address/ Date

Letter parts
Room 9, Hall A 1.___________________
The Chinese University of Hong Kong
Shatin, Hong Kong
Tel: 98765432
Email: peter@yahoo.com.hk
6th October 2011 2.___________________

3.___________________
Ms. Cathy Lai
Human Resource Manager
Swipe Hotels
Suite 2701-05, Cityplaza One
ELTU2012 Module 1b Job Search Skills: Job Application Letters (Student Version) 1August2017 3
ELTU2012 Business Communication I

1111 King's Road, Island East

Hong Kong

Re.: International Management Trainee Program (Ref.: MT-384679) 4.___________________

Dear Ms. Lai, 5.___________________

.

(1) I was inspired by the recruitment talk given by your colleagues on

the 28th September and now would like to express my interest in …

(2) I am currently completing a BA in Hotel and Tourism

6.___________________
Management and will graduate in June 2012. As you can see from my
résumé …

(3) As I participated in a number of extra-curricular activities at

university, I have developed …

(4) Travelling has also helped me improve my interpersonal and

problem-solving skills. I have gained …

(5) I strongly believe my skills and abilities mentioned above can be

useful in the Communication Department rotation …
7.___________________

Yours sincerely, 8.___________________

Peter Chan

Peter Chan
9.___________________

Enclosure: Résumé

TASK 2: ANALYZING CONTENTS AND ORGANIZATION

A well-structured job application letter has three parts: opening, body and closing.

An effective opening for a job application letter should

 be addressed to an individual (e.g., Ms. Lai)

ELTU2012 Module 1b Job Search Skills: Job Application Letters (Student Version) 1August2017 4
ELTU2012 Business Communication I

 name the source of the advertisement, the date of publication, and the position applied for
 name the referee or the person who referred you, if applicable
 briefly show your knowledge of the company’s business and what it is about the
post/company that interests you

The body of the letter should

 elaborate the ideas you have expressed in the opening with relevant supporting details in
2 to 3 paragraphs
 refer to your résumé and summarize the qualifications you have that match the job
requirements and the skills/experience you have that will be an asset to the company
 include only details that are relevant to the application

An effective closing should

 provide a clear call for action: express your desire for an interview
 thank the reader for considering your application
 refer to any enclosures (e.g., your résumé or references)

Now read the following application letter and focus on its contents and organization.
Desmond Chan
Room 603, Hong Ching Court
Kam Tin, New Territories
Tel: 65723xxx
Email: cyp@yahoo.com.hk
4th February 2015
Ms. Elaine Chan
Bloomberg L.P. Recruitment
Bloomberg L.P. Hong Kong
27/F Cheung Kong Center
2 Queens Road, Central
Hong Kong

Dear Ms. Chan,

Application for Global Data - Third Party Index Data Researcher position (Ref.: 44426)

I am writing to express my interest in your Third Party Index Researcher position of the Global Data
Department, advertised on your company website on 1 February. Through the participation in the
Bloomberg Terminal Training Workshop, I am convinced that Bloomberg offers the best platform for
a successful career. Majoring in Quantitative Finance and Risk Management Science, I believe that my
academic qualifications, work experience and personal qualities make me the best fit for the position.

In order to know more about the finance industry, I worked as a summer intern in Hang Seng Bank
in which I developed my skills in doing research effectively and acquired the knowledge of different
financial markets. During the internship period, I worked closely with various departments including

ELTU2012 Module 1b Job Search Skills: Job Application Letters (Student Version) 1August2017 5
ELTU2012 Business Communication I

sales and research departments. Having interacted with experienced technicians in different
divisions, my communication and presentation skills have improved.

Your position calls for a financial major background with the experience in programming. After
having a one-year study in the quantitative field, I started another summer intern in Citadel by
working as a quantitative researcher which required me to pay strict attention to details. This
internship offered me the chance to utilize my programming skills in monitoring the trading models
and handing databases, which consolidated my skills in using Excel and Visual Basic for
Applications.

Self-motivation and professional performance under pressure are the other qualities that you
consider important. Getting the chance to be the Financial Secretary of the Society of Quantitative
Finance, I have learned how to work well under great difficulties. I was responsible for holding
several large-scale activities so I needed to be self-motivated to ensure that the events can be
organized smoothly. I believe these soft skills can match with the core values of your company.

I am willing to have a further development in this professional field in Bloomberg which is a leading
company in the finance industry. I am confident that my technical skills and soft skills will be valuable
to Bloomberg. I have attached my resume for your review and would greatly appreciate an interview
to discuss my experience in further details. Please feel free to contact me at 6572-3xxx or via email
cyp@yahoo.com.hk. Thank you in advance for your consideration.

Yours sincerely,
Desmond

Desmond Chan
Enclosure: Resume

1. What position is the writer applying for?

2. What knowledge and skills does the applicant offer?

3. What format-related features has the applicant included in the letter to make it a formal
letter?

4. What is the main idea of each paragraph? Is this application letter well-structured?

Paragraph 1:

Paragraph 2:

ELTU2012 Module 1b Job Search Skills: Job Application Letters (Student Version) 1August2017 6
ELTU2012 Business Communication I

Paragraph 3:

Paragraph 4:

Paragraph 5:

TASK 3: SELECTING IDEAS AND DEVELOPING AN OUTLINE(I)

You will now learn how to decide on which parts of your résumé to expand or elaborate on in
an application letter. Read the job advertisement below and identify the requirements related to
the applicant’s education background, work experience, and special skills. You may underline
some of the key words in the advertisement.

The Job: Management Trainee

Peterson Education Group Company Limited is one of the largest educational service
providers in Hong Kong. We are dedicated to delivering the best educational products and
services to communities throughout China. Peterson offers quality educational products and
services through education centres, publications, mobile applications, events, summer and
winter study camps etc. In order to cope with our expansion in Hong Kong and Mainland
China, we are looking for high caliber employees to join our team. If you want to compete in
this fast growing marketplace in Hong Kong and Mainland China, join Peterson today.

Key Responsibilities:

 To get familiarized with Peterson’s culture, structure, products, services, systems,

policies and procedures, workflow and standards.
 To perform duties and projects as assigned by the management.

ELTU2012 Module 1b Job Search Skills: Job Application Letters (Student Version) 1August2017 7
ELTU2012 Business Communication I

Requirements:

 University graduate, preferably with a general management or marketing degree.

 Candidates without any experience in the education field will also be considered.
 Excellent command of written and spoken English.
 Strong analytical mind with leadership skills.
 Good communication, presentation and interpersonal skills.
 Willing to travel and work on a shift basis.

To show a potential employer that you are extremely well-suited for the position you are
applying for, you will need to select ideas from your résumé that match the corresponding job
requirements. Read the following information taken from a résumé. REMOVE the items that are
the least helpful in matching the requirements you have identified in the advertisement.

Items in the résumé

1. BA degree
2. English Debater, CUHK
3. Recipient of Rotary Youth Leadership Award
4. Recipient of Outstanding Services Award, HK Student Services Association.
5. Organizing committee member, College Orientation Camp
6. Assisted in managing student computer assistants (about 20 students)
7. Fluent in Cantonese, English, and Mandarin; some knowledge of Japanese
8. Traveled to Seoul, Bangkok, Tokyo, Beijing, Singapore, and several Australian cities
9. Computer skills, familiar with all major applications and statistical packages
10. Member of rowing team CUHK
11. Like reading, playing tennis, and watching movies

In response to the job advertisement above, use the résumé items you have just selected to
outline a job application letter below. Then present your suggested outline to the class.

Main ideas Supporting evidence from résumé

Paragraph 1

ELTU2012 Module 1b Job Search Skills: Job Application Letters (Student Version) 1August2017 8
ELTU2012 Business Communication I

Paragraph 2

Paragraph 3

Paragraph 4

Paragraph 5

TASK 4: SELECTING IDEAS AND DEVELOPING AN OUTLINE (II)

Another student wants to apply for the following position:

Position: Swire Hotels Group Management Trainee Program (Ref.: HL2015013)

Employer Name: Swire Hotels Group
Industry: Hospitality Industry

Job Description:
Our 18-month International Operations Management Trainee (IOMT) program is designed
to attract talented, passionate and enthusiastic graduates to ultimately create potential future
leaders. It’s an opportunity to gain high profile exposure across our hotels.

Requirements:
To be considered for a place in the program, you will need to have:
 Individuals with relevant educational background (preferably in Hotel and Tourism
Management or equivalent) or relevant work experience in the hotel industry.
 Less than 2 years post-graduate work experience.
 Individuals who are passionate, fun, creative and determined to make a difference!
 Good team players who are highly flexible with an analytical mindset, excellent
interpersonal and communication skills.
 Open to overseas exposure.

ELTU2012 Module 1b Job Search Skills: Job Application Letters (Student Version) 1August2017 9
ELTU2012 Business Communication I

Source: http://www.swirehotels.com/en/Careers/International-Operations-Management-
Trainee-Programme.aspx#/en/Careers/International-Operations-Management-Trainee-
Programme/The-Programme/

These are the items on her résumé. Which of these items should be selected when she outlines
her application letter?

1. Bachelor of Business Administration in Hotel and Tourism Management

2. Attended an intensive Japanese language program
3. Worked as an intern at the guest relations department in Conrad Seoul
4. Frontline office trainee at Shangri-La Hong Kong
5. Participated in community services
6. Participated in a writing competition on Chinese literature
7. High school debate team captain
8. Fluent in Cantonese, Mandarin, English and Japanese
9. Won the Hong Kong Secondary School Video Project Award

Now try to outline an application letter:

Main ideas Supporting evidence from résumé

Paragraph 1

Paragraph 2

Paragraph 3

Paragraph 4

Paragraph 5

ELTU2012 Module 1b Job Search Skills: Job Application Letters (Student Version) 1August2017 10
ELTU2012 Business Communication I

ELTU2012 Module 1b Job Search Skills: Job Application Letters (Student Version) 1August2017 11
ELTU2012 Business Communication I

PERSUASIVE LANGUAGE: TONE AND STYLE

Job application letters or cover letters can also be seen as types of sales letters. They use the
same sequence as a persuasive sales letter.

Sales letter Application letter – using AIDA approach

Gets attention Gets attention (Attention)
Introduces a product Introduces qualifications (Interest & Desire)
Presents evidence Presents evidence (Interest & Desire)
Encourages action Encourages action (Action)

Like a well-written sales letter, a well written cover letter successfully sells an applicant’s skills
and abilities to a potential employer.

As consumers we want to know as much about a product as possible before we make our
purchase. We often compare two products by reading the details or description on the
packaging. The cover letter you send with your résumé is like the packaging for your skills and
experience.

TASK 5: IDENTIFYING A PERSUASIVE PARAGRAPH

Which of the following paragraphs do you think would be more attractive to a potential
employer?

Paragraph A

Last summer I analyzed the company’s policy and designed a database for cataloging the problems
and solutions to those problems. This shows that I have excellent analytical and interpersonal skills
and can handle tasks independently.

Paragraph B

During my internship last summer, my supervisor asked me to analyze the company’s policy of
handling client complaints and look for ways to streamline procedures. After reviewing common
practices and interviewing clients, I designed a database that catalogued the problems. As a result,
staff members are able to view possible solutions to a number of common problems quickly and
simply.

ELTU2012 Module 1b Job Search Skills: Job Application Letters (Student Version) 1August2017 12
ELTU2012 Business Communication I

Suggested answer: Paragraph B because it specifies the task and achievement which provides more
useful and meaningful information about the candidate’s qualifications
.
When you present yourself in your application letter, include relevant details and specific
descriptions. You may be able to do this by using the STAR approach.

STAR stands for Situation, Task, Action, and Result.

You will get the best results describing actual situations you experienced, the task that needed
to be dealt with, the action you took, and the actual result. Use STAR to write about specifics
not generalizations. Paragraph B above is an example of STAR.

Here is another example:

During my internship in the finance department in Yangjiang nuclear power station (situation), I
helped the department manager with arranging meetings, making salary lists and managing receipts
from all the staff in the company (task). At the Communication Bank of China, I was given a chance
to present marketing plans to potential clients and handle their queries (action), which strengthened
my presentation and communication skills (result). Opening a company of my own also enhanced my
leadership skills, which is another quality that you stress.

Try to identify the STAR in the following two examples:

Example 1:
In the previous summer, I worked in DBS Bank as an intern in the institutional banking group.
During the ten-week programme, I assisted a project that aimed at evaluating a prototype of a
credit rating model for institutional clients. My proactive assistance has provided favorable
results.

Example 2:
In 2013, as a public relations summer intern at a non-profit organization called Crossroads
Foundation, I helped develop marketing strategies to support charity campaigns with local
banks and private companies. I honed my organizational and communication skills through
coordinating and delivering presentations at local secondary schools in an effort to raise
awareness about issues involving modern slavery and refugees living in Hong Kong.

This STAR approach is a way for writers to specifically describe past experience. Some may think that
describing all the four components in detail will adversely affect the conciseness of the writing. Some
may also think that such an approach is actually more suitable when answering questions in job

ELTU2012 Module 1b Job Search Skills: Job Application Letters (Student Version) 1August2017 13
ELTU2012 Business Communication I

interviews. Therefore, students should be flexible when applying the STAR approach when writing their
job application letters.

TASK 6: WRITING A STAR

1. Describe a role that you have had in a student activity that exemplifies your strengths.
When you have finished, read your STAR to a partner. Discuss the effectiveness of your
STAR.

2. Describe a school project that required group work. Write a STAR that highlights your
qualities as a team player. Discuss the completeness of your STAR with a partner.

TASK 7: ANALYZING PERSUASIVE CONTENTS

A former student, Charles, was interested in the following job opening.
Global Markets Sales and Trading, Graduate Analyst Programme
This programme is open to graduates and final-year bachelor’s or master’s degree students.

To be considered for a placement, you will:

 Act with integrity, in keeping with HSBC's values
 Have a passion for understanding financial markets
 Have up-to-date market knowledge
 Have the ability to thrive in a fast-paced and varied work environment
 Be adaptable to changes in markets and our services
 Be a team player, confident and highly driven to succeed
 Be highly numerate and analytical
 Be hard-working, self-motivated and willing to take on new challenges
(Source: http://www.hsbc.com/careers/students-and-graduates/programmes/global-markets-sales-and-trading-
graduate-analyst-programme )

ELTU2012 Module 1b Job Search Skills: Job Application Letters (Student Version) 1August2017 14
ELTU2012 Business Communication I

This is Charles’ résumé:

LAM Yyy Zzz, Charles
Address: Apt. 3008, Block G, Silver Phoenix, 77 Tai Hang Rd, Hong Kong
Email: i.lamb@gXXX.com | Telephone: +852 5555-5555

EDUCATION
The Chinese University of Hong Kong (CUHK), Hong Kong Sep 2010 – Present
Bachelor of Science in Quantitative Finance; Minor in Economics (Expected Jun 2014)
 Latest term GPA: 3.76/4.00 (Cumulative GPA: 3.59/4.00); HKCEE: 6As (top 0.5%)
 Honors: Dean’s List (top 10%); College Head’s List; Tsang Shiu Tim Scholarships; Honors at Entrance

The University of New South Wales (UNSW), Australia Jul 2011 – Nov 2011
Semester Exchange Program
 Relevant coursework: Options, Futures and Risk Management; Securities Valuation and Analysis

WORK EXPERIENCE
ABC Bank Jul 2013 – Aug 2013
Summer Analyst, Corporate Group Asia, Fixed Income
 Worked at the sales desk offering FX and interest rates products to Hong Kong- and China-based
corporate accounts
 Completed a research project on hedging solutions for a new corporate client; ranked 2nd out of 7 Fixed
Income Summer Analysts in the final project presentation

EFG Asset Management Sep 2012 – Feb 2013

Analyst Intern, Strategic Development and Investments
 Assisted with drafting Initial Considerations and prepared valuation using comparable listed companies
 Conducted a comprehensive research on new regulations issued by China Insurance Regulatory
Commission

ACTIVITIES
Chicago Quantitative Alliance Investment Challenge, Second Runner – up Nov 2012 – Mar 2013
 Selected to represent CUHK Business School in the international investment contest
 Created fund fact sheets and weekly portfolio attributes to facilitate client interactions under simulated
setting
 Managed a long/short, market neutral equity portfolio using seasonal patterns to select stocks across all
industry groups
Society of Quantitative Finance, Welfare Officer Jan 2011 – Dec 2011
 Led team of 12 to organize the New Year Banquet and graduation farewell
dinner; established a solid relationship with Quantitative Finance Alumni
Association and the Department of Finance
 Enhanced negotiation skills through collaborating with other societies

PERSONAL
Languages: Fluent in English, Mandarin and Cantonese

ELTU2012 Module 1b Job Search Skills: Job Application Letters (Student Version) 1August2017 15
ELTU2012 Business Communication I

Computer Skills: Bloomberg Terminal, Capital IQ, C/C++, STATA, MS Word, Excel, PowerPoint, Access
Interests: Adventure travel (skydiving, sea kayaking, scuba diving, rafting) and volleyball

Read the paragraphs Charles drafted for his application letter below. Write your comments on
the persuasiveness of the contents beside each paragraph. Each group will then present the
analysis of one paragraph to the class.

1. What is the main idea of this paragraph? Which part of Charles’ resume does it refer to?

2. Do you think the supporting details are relevant and persuasive? Explain to the class with
examples.

Paragraphing Comments

1. I am a final-year Quantitative Finance student at The

Chinese University of Hong Kong and would like to express
my interest in the Global Markets Graduate Analyst
Programme with HSBC. Through discussions with current
employees, including Steven Ng from Global Banking and
Markets, during the campus recruitment event on 9
September 2013, I am convinced that HSBC offers the best
platform for a successful career.
2. Having spent a summer working on the trading floor at ABC
Bank, I learned that I thrive in a fast-paced environment, like
that at HSBC. At ABC Bank, I generated trade ideas for the
corporate sales desk based on market movements and
acquired broad knowledge about corporate hedging, FX
derivatives and structured products. I also conducted
comprehensive research on hedging solutions for a new
corporate client and delivering my insights during project
presentations.

3. From the in-depth study of quantitative methods and

financial instruments in my finances courses, I have become
able to see how data can be used to make business and
investment decisions. Studying abroad at the University of
New South Wales for a semester provided me a great
opportunity to travel and experience a new way of life.
During the exchange program, I met new friends from
different cultures. Interacting with them enhanced my
adaptability to cope with changes, and this made me more
ELTU2012 Module 1b Job Search Skills: Job Application Letters (Student Version) 1August2017 16
ELTU2012 Business Communication I

proactive when planning my own trip and travelling around

Australia.

4. As the Welfare Officer of the Society of Quantitative Finance,

I demonstrated that I am a capable leader and a team player.
I led a team of 12 in preparing the New Year Banquet and
Graduation Dinner. I have honed my organizational skills
and learnt how to take responsibility. I believe many of my
skills are transferable and able to make a valuable addition to
HSBC.

5. I am confident that my experience and enthusiasm will be

valuable to HSBC. I am available for interviews at a time of
your convenience. If you have any questions, please feel
perfectly free to contact me.

ANALYZING COMMON ERRORS: DEALING WITH LANGUAGE TONE AND

STYLE

TASK 8: SENTENCE AND PARAGRAPH CRITIQUE

The following are real samples of student work. Read the original and then try to revise them.
What should be done to improve the original?

Sample 1

Original:
I recently graduated from CUHK and got my degree in accounting. Because I am self-motivated
and hardworking, I achieved an outstanding performance on my major study. I was awarded a
faculty scholarship worth HK$20,000 in academic year 2013-2014 for my academic excellence. I
was also invited to the Outstanding University Student Program and had some professional
training. Using the skills gained from university, I can provide your company with timely,
reliable and decision-useful reports in both Chinese and English.

Revised:
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________

ELTU2012 Module 1b Job Search Skills: Job Application Letters (Student Version) 1August2017 17
ELTU2012 Business Communication I

____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________

Sample 2

Original:
First, my academic concentrations in marketing and human resource management are directed
related to this job. Studying marking and HRM have already developed my professional
researching and communication skills. As a mainland student, studying in Hong Kong has also
developed my fluency in Cantonese, and English.

Revised:
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________

Sample 3
Original:
These skills have been inestimable to me as an internship in Global Markets at Bank of China
International for the last two months, during which I received tasks from the Fixed Income Dept,
Equity Derivatives Dept and Foreign Exchange (FX) Dept as well from other experiences.

Revised:
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________

Sample 4
Original:
I am fluent in Mandarin. I am also fluent in English. And I am studying Spanish. This gave me
confidence.

Revised:
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________

ELTU2012 Module 1b Job Search Skills: Job Application Letters (Student Version) 1August2017 18
ELTU2012 Business Communication I

____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________

Sample 5
Original:
I also participated in many student activities in CUHK and got a good negotiation skill. Last
year, I tried to persuade a company to give my student association a patronage, and I managed
it after a one-week negotiation.

Revised:
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________

Sample 6
Original:
I adapted to the work environment by learning computer skills in a college course.

Revised:
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________

Sample 7
Original:
Also, I’m good at teamwork because of my work experience last year at the Hong Kong
Economic and Trade Office in Washington, D.C.

Revised:
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________

ELTU2012 Module 1b Job Search Skills: Job Application Letters (Student Version) 1August2017 19
ELTU2012 Business Communication I

Sample 8
Original:
I also joined a summer teaching program last August. I taught primary school students English
in the rural school in Fujian. It shows I am capable to work in rural areas in Mainland.

Revised:
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________

Sample 9
Original:
Working as a summer intern during the summer holiday in Beijing this year provided me with
work experience that is directly related to accounting. Joining this internship in Beijing offered
me the opportunity to learn about the working culture in mainland and explore to the mainland
market.

Revised:
____________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________

TASK 9: JOB APPLICATION LETTER CRITIQUE

Read the students’ sample letters below. In small groups, choose one letter to review.
As a group,
1. discuss and suggest ways to improve the letter
2. prepare a sentence by sentence critique of the letter and give a five-minute oral
presentation
3. write an improved version of the letter

ELTU2012 Module 1b Job Search Skills: Job Application Letters (Student Version) 1August2017 20
ELTU2012 Business Communication I

Sample A
Shang Shang Hotels and Resorts
Hong Kong
Human Resources Manager

Dear Sir/Madam,
Motivation for applying Corporate Trainee Programme (Requisition ID 4821)

With Asian style hospitality, Shangri-la differentiates itself from other hotel brands by its tranquility
and dedication to perfection of service quality. My previous professional encounters strengthened my
interests in the domain of guest service and developed my ability to pay attention to every slight detail
which contributes to the overall delicate and remarkable stay of guests. Yet, there are still a lot to learn
about this profession. This is why I would like to be a member of the Shangri-la family to devote my
business knowledge acquired from university, such as management of lodging facilities, marketing,
finance and human resources management; and previous internship experience in the hospitality
industry, including internship in a travel agency and the F&B department of a hotel.

This progressive and developmental programme could serve as a cornerstone for my career path in
Shangri-la hotels and personal growth. With my eagerness and humility to acquire new knowledge,
and my strong initiative to get things done with refinement and excellence, I believe that I could
continuously contribute to your hotel with accumulated expertise.

During my exchange year in Europe, I befriended with students of different nationalities and I was
fascinated by the difference among our cultures. With my curiosity, I learnt a lot about the preferences
and dispositions of people from various countries, such as the standard of fashion aesthetics of French
and the seriousness of German. At the same time, I exhibited courtesy to show the virtue and beauty
of Chinese culture and language. I embraced this interpersonal and inter-culture exchange. This
experience would certainly subtilise my encounters with hotel guests from different parts of the world.

Shangri-la is like an elegantly glistening chandelier, and I long to be one of the candles which
symbolize warmth and dependability to travelers who are far away from home. I am genuinely
looking forward to an interview opportunity.

Yours faithfully,
Jason
Jason Hui

ELTU2012 Module 1b Job Search Skills: Job Application Letters (Student Version) 1August2017 21
ELTU2012 Business Communication I

Sample B

Joanne Kwan
Flat D, 38/F, Block K, Shatin Centre
Sha Tin, N.T., Hong Kong
Tel: 9444-5555
Email: jk@yahoo.com.hk

Human Resources Manager

Cre8PLUS
4202, 42/F, The Center
99 Queen’s Road Central
Central, Hong Kong
1st February 2012

Application for the Digital Marketing Trainee position (Ref.: JHK100003001156893)

Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing to express my interest in your Digital Marketing Trainee position, advertised on
JobsDB.com on 9 January. I will graduate with a Bachelor’s degree in Business Administration from
the Chinese University of Hong Kong in June. Majoring in Marketing and Management of Information
Systems, I believe my studies and work experience in marketing and analytical skills make me a
suitable candidate.

In order to broaden my horizons, I have participated in different marketing internships. For example,
in 2009, I worked as a summer marketing intern at Guru Online, during which I developed innovative
online marketing plans for potential clients. This experience allowed me to develop a good
understanding of the digital marketing industry. During the internship, I was given opportunities to
present marketing plans to potential clients and collect their feedback, which in turn improved my
presentation skills and communication skills.

I also had an opportunity to develop these skills further as a one-year Consumer Marketing Trainee at
Philips Electronics in 2010/2011. In that role, I was able to conduct comprehensive global competitor
analysis and in-depth consumer feedback analysis in a professional manner.

I am passionate about working in the advertising industry and obtaining a position with Cre8PLUS.
Drawing on my educational background in Marketing, internship experience, and marketing research
skills, I believe I would make a good contribution to your company. I would greatly appreciate an
interview to discuss my application with you in further details. Thank you in advance for your time.

Yours faithfully,
J Kwan
Joanne Kwan
Enc.

ELTU2012 Module 1b Job Search Skills: Job Application Letters (Student Version) 1August2017 22