Camille Smith

EXPL 390

Miller

25 April 2018

Final Written Reflection

At the beginning of this semester, I challenged myself to seek out more from my

internship experience, both personally and professionally. I felt that though I became

used to the routine and being a part of the office halfway into the year, I had not fully

integrated into my position. I also had gotten sucked into that routine without asking

asking myself and others what else I could be doing. I wanted to feel more purpose in my

work and take on more challenging tasks The first half of the year I felt that most of my

tasks were administrative, and while I generally enjoyed the nature of my work, I still felt

unfulfilled.

In order to feel more fulfilled, I decided to focus on how I was promoting and

embracing the values of social justice and equality in my work. The Two Feet of Love in

Action that we discussed in class helped me process my role and my work with

Government Relations at Catholic Charities. On one side is working for social justice,

which emphasizes removing root causes and improving structures. This certainly

correlates with my work with legislators, especially at Advocacy Days. The other side is

charitable works, which includes meeting basic needs and aiding individuals. This

obviously more closely correlates with the work Catholic Charities does outside the

Government Relations department and the grants I wrote for our charitable services. With

this duality of Love in Action in mind, I finally began to feel more purpose in my work.
 This semester, I feel confidently that I can say I have accomplished my goal of

doing more. I personally began and completed an important project in preparation for our

annual Advocacy Days event in Springfield. I gathered detailed background information

and all of our logged interactions with legislators and compiled them into documents to

be used for the advocacy visits. In the process, I got to learn a lot more about Illinois

legislators and our relationships with them. I even got to be a part of developing these

relationships by scheduling, managing, and attending the meetings. While I got to attend

a few meetings throughout the year and make regular phone calls, my trip with the

Government Relations and Catholic Charities Board Members to Springfield really

brought my entire experience full circle, for both good reasons and bad.

It was new to me to be considered a part of a legitimate advocacy group when

dealing with elected officials and their offices this year. Before, I had only ever

represented myself or been a part of a student group. Despite our alleged democracy,

certain groups and individuals are given more access to influence governing institutions

than others because of status, money, or familiarity. Decisions at the policy level are not

made in the best interests or even common interests of the people. In school we are taught

that everyone has a voice in this democracy by voting and influencing our elected

officials, but only the privileged are even elected or given influence. Relationships with

elected officials often must be mutually beneficial in some way in order to last.

One of the learning objectives I established for this semester was to identify how

organizations can influence the government, and I quickly found out how hard it can be.

Even for a well-respected and large organization like Catholic Charities, it has been hard
working with legislators both in Chicago and Springfield. Their schedules are always

packed, their assistants are usually difficult to deal with, and even when you do meet with

them, your time and depth of discussion are limited. This aspect is what triggered my

disillusionment the most. In theory it seems so easy to take on social justice issues at the

policy level. If the majority of constituents support funds being allocated for senior

services, the organization exists to provide the services, and the elected official is in favor

of the move, the change still may not be made because of money or politics. This is

precisely what we were told during one of our legislative visits. The Representative

supported our programs and agreed we needed money, but said because of “the way

things were” not much could be done. This is why I think its clear we need deeper

structural change on a policy level to ensure that policy actually serves the interests of the

people, especially those who are most marginalized. I think many people working in the

government lose sight of this and get wrapped up in the artificial barriers our system

creates, that prevent us from solving real problems.

Another project I took on this semester that added on to my charitable works

experience at Catholic Charities was the grant I was assigned. For the past few weeks, I

have been responsible for writing the grant request for a Catholic Charities program that

would help refugees establish Individual Development Accounts. This helped me

accomplished my goal of seeking out more, specifically in terms of really getting to know

the background and details of a project and research. It also helped me with a learning

objective: analyzing solutions to social problems. Having the opportunity to research and

evaluate actual social services Catholic Charities and its partners provide gave me

powerful insight on how to practically offer solutions to issues I care about. Again
though, because the government directs the grants, there are several rules and limitations.

Structuring the program did not go by what made the most sense, helped the most people,

or utilized our resources best, but what fit the outline the government required to be

considered for funding. I now understand more tangibly how organizations can address

issues in their communities. Though we wanted to apply for a refugee child care grant,

the rules and regulations stipulated in the request were too difficult for our organization

to navigate effectively. It was yet again disillusioning to discover that even if a group of

people have a will to make a difference, they are held back by strict institutional barriers

that inhibit progress. It is very frustrating that the government has such narrow terms for

aiding communities in need.

My social goal for the semester was to actively develop my connections in the

office. What especially helped me achieve this goal was the Leadership Profile I did on

my supervisor, Stephanie. I not only got more of her insight on working at Catholic

Charities and challenges to working for social justice, but I also got a feel for her

personal mission and passions that guide her work, which I found were much similar to

my own. This also helped me address my Learning Comptenency goal of Ignatian

Approach of Social Engagement and the Application of my skills in Self-Efficacy. I

viewed my role as an opportunity to both learn from and offer new perspectives to the

way work is done in Government Relations by focusing on our common goal of

improving human dignity of life. I also really felt that I had met my social goal after

attending Advocacy Days. It was nice to be with the Government Relations team outside

of the office and for an extended period of time where we got to have more casual

conversations (and drink free wine!) By engaging with coworkers about their personal
journeys in policy and advocacy, I became better able to discern how to merge my

mission with creativity, analysis, and knowledge to be an agent for change.

I also feel that I have better integrated into the physical space I work in. This

semester, since Tim and I share a computer, I spent my mornings at the front desk, and

afternoons at the back desk in Cancun. Being more out in the open naturally opened up

more opportunities for me to interact with coworkers. The confidence of already knowing

my duties and way around the office helped me feel comfortable approaching new

people. Now as I am leaving Catholic Charities, I feel more a part of the team both in

Government Relations and in the office in general. Though I am intern, everyone at

Catholic Charities has helped me feel like I am a part of their team, and not just an intern.

It was the internship class and cohort in conjunction with my work that helped me

accomplish my third learning objective. Studying asset-based community development

helped me understand the potential of underserved communities by focusing on strengths

rather than deficits in order to identify goals. By focusing on this, I also addressed the

Learning Competency I had set for myself: Interpersonal Skills and Dialogue in

Community. Throughout the year, I put myself in the position to attend site visits and

learn from community members not only what they need from service providers and

funders, but what their existing assets and potential were. I also used this perspective

when writing grants for the refugee community that we serve.

Being a part of the cohort has been one my most valued takeaways from the

semester. I am so glad I had the opportunity to process this experience and talk about

fundamental social and leadership issues with a group of like-minded, driven, passionate

peers. Even my weekly chats with Tim in the office, or Ellie in passing on campus helped
me feel less alone in my experience. It was empowering to know that other interns often

resonated with my feelings. I also appreciated the diversity within our cohort, and think

that it should be essential to every upcoming group of SJI interns. Not just in terms of

race and gender, but also interests and leadership style. As important as affirmation,

validation, and empathy are among a cohort, so are questioning, challenging, and debate.

If I could have changed anything about our cohort, I wish more people would speak up

and articulate their thoughts, opinions, and perspectives. I was often self-conscious I was

talking too much, but when I held back, others did not engage at the opportunity.

Another thing-- I know that this is a course, which means additional coursework

is required, but often I felt that assignments outside of the readings were more busy work

than supplemental to my learning. I know I don’t just speak for myself, as other members

of the cohort of expressed stress and frustration at having to complete assignments rather

than focus on the internship itself. All of us are very busy, involved, and knowledgeable

students. We are all also students with financial need. The added pressure of having to go

above and beyond to not only complete internship hours but also large time-consuming

assignments made me often reflect resentfully about my peers who aren’t forced to work

to afford college. Don’t get me wrong, it was a privilege to be a Social Justice Intern and

work at Catholic Charities. I truly loved the experience. I just wish it had been less

draining, so I could have devoted more energy to being present and reflective rather than

worrying about the next project I’d have to do.

Now, I know what you’re thinking—“Camille, did you just low-key complain for

six pages?” and to that I say, maybe. However, as I have said before, I see myself as a

critical thinker, and critical thinkers are needed to improve our system. I am glad to have
had you and the cohort to keep me grounded and challenge me, as it has helped me

approach my criticism more practically and thoughtfully. As I have said before, I do not

think of myself as a pessimist, but rather optimistic for our capacity for change. Being a

part of this program has shown me the potential that my peers and I have to make this

kind of positive social change that restructures our system for the better (or class

assignments for the better of future cohorts cough cough.) Anything that falls short of

justice will never be enough for me. I know this means my work will never be done, and

that I’ll never be satisfied, but I’m okay with accepting that fact.