Prose Style Analysis Memo

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Memorandum
To: Lorrae Fox
From: Chris Gibbons
Date: 1/28/18
Subject: Prose Style Analysis

In this memo, I analyze my writing in a research paper titled “Racial Disparities

and the Incarceration State” from my Contemporary America class. In the
sections below, I determine the weaknesses found in being concise, precise, and
direct, and evaluate noticeable errors.

Be Concise
Writing concisely means writing only words that are necessary for the audience
to understand the purpose, and to meet the purpose for your writing. Overall, my
writing in this paper has some weakness in being concise and could use
improvement.

Unnecessary Repetition
In my sentences, I found a lot of repetition and words that were not
needed. For example, I used the word racial seven times within a
paragraph, when the meaning would be the same only using it once or
twice, such as in the following sentence:

The racial stigmas and stereotypes created around people of color

lead to the future racial inequalities within the incarceration state, as
well as the targeting and profiling of racial minorities in our justice
system

I could have removed the word in this sentence completely and reduced
the amount it appeared in the paragraph.

Dead Phrases
A dead phrase is one that doesn’t say anything necessary. In my writing,
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there were a few examples of dead phrases, most were near death
phrases that could have been revived. You can see an example in the
following sentence:

In more recent years, racial inequalities of arrests have become

more apparent.

The underlined phrase could have been replaced with the word “now” or
“today”. It would maintain the same meaning a remove unnecessary
words.

Unnecessary Modifiers
In this area, my writing is strong. One strength was knowing when these
modifiers added to the meaning and purpose. The following sentence
shows the one example I found where a modifier was not needed:

This definitely furthers the stereotype that all unmarried black

women are raising their children alone and that a majority of black fathers
abandon their children.

The underlined word works as a modifier in the sentence. If I were to

remove it, the meaning and purpose would remain the same. The rest of my
writing avoided this.

Specifics and Detail

I checked my writing for weakness in specifics and detail, I found one
section that faltered. The rest of my writing had an appropriate amount to meet
the needs of the audience, but the following sentence was weak:

Just because a person is of a different color, they are often more

targeted for crimes. They will receive several small marks on their record for
very insignificant reasons

This section leaves out detail on what crimes people are targeted for and the
reasoning is left out. The audience doesn’t understand it and my purpose is
missed.
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Be Precise
Being precise in your writing means to use technical terminology appropriate to
the level of knowledge of the audience. In this paper my writing was strong
using precise language for the audience.0

Jargon
Jargon is specific terminology used within a particular field of study or
profession. In my paper, I used an appropriate level of jargon that the
audience could understand. Some jargon that people outside the field of
American History might not understand within my paper are:

 Disparities

 Stigmas

 Incarceration State

These words could be redefined as differences, shame or disgrace, and

prison policy. Swapping out these more technical terms for plain English
may make it easier for different audiences to understand.

Precise Terminology
Precise terminology conveys specific definitions as used in a given field
or profession without a writer needing to define the term.

My writing does not have any precise terminology focused towards a

specialized audience. The majority of terminology does not pertain to a
specific field or profession. Therefore, I’m unable to determine a
strength or weakness in this category.

Be Direct
To be direct in writing, a straightforward prose style is needed and needs to use
strong verbs, strong nouns, mostly active voice, topic position, and stress
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position. In some areas of my writing, it is strong in being direct, but in others it

is weak and needs improvement.

Strong Nouns and Verbs

In this paper, I’m both strong and weak win this area.. For example:

 In some sections, I say presidential administrations, not

specifying which.
 In other sections, I specifically mention the Regan
administration.
 When using the weaker version, presidential
administrations, it is generally followed by is, are, or
were, and then another verb, making it weaker.
 When using the stronger version, Reagan
administration, it is usually followed by strong action
verbs such as demonstrated and improved.

The sentences that use the strong nouns, like ones that mention the
Regan administration, explain my purpose more than ones that use weaker
nouns. It also lead to the use of stronger verbs when containing stronger nouns.

Unneeded Passive Voice

In writing, active voice should be used more often, with passive voice
being used occasionally. In my writing, I found that staying away from
unnecessary passive voice was a strength, which can be seen in the following:

A lot of this sentencing disparity came from Reagan’s

administration and his war on drugs. Reagan started focusing on
minority neighborhoods because there were generally more people on
the street and more people to pick up for smaller drug charges. Crack in
America mentions, “African-Americans were the main target of street
sweeps, illegal searches, and anti-loitering laws.”

Knowing when to use passive voice has become a strong point in my

writing. In this piece, active voice maintains the focus, with needed passive in
other areas.

Topic Position
The beginning of a paragraph sets up the topic and is referred to as the
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topic position. My writing has a strong use of topic position and is seen
throughout. For example:

The stigmas and stereotypes created around people of color lead

to the future racial inequalities within the incarceration state, as well as the
targeting and profiling of racial minorities in our justice system.

This topic sentence sets up my paragraph discussing how stigmas and

stereotypes lead to racial inequalities. This sentence allows the audience to know
what is being discussed in the following paragraph.

Stress Position
Stress position is the point a writer is trying to make that is placed at the
end of a sentence, paragraph or chapter. My writer has a strong use of stress
position throughout, which can be seen in the following:

Black people, as well as other people of color, have been targeted

more as criminals because of the stigma that there home life may not have been
as good as what the lives of white people is perceived to be.

This sentence wraps up the main idea of what was being discussed in a
paragraph and serves as the last sentence of that paragraph.

Noticeable Errors
I analyzed my writing for any specific errors that would be noticed by
workplace readers, but found no noticeable errors.

Conclusion
After reviewing my prose style I have found that I am strong in stress and topic
position, but weak in unnecessary repetition. This analysis has shown me what
needs to be improved in my prose style and what specific items to look out for.