Robyn Simkins Simkins 1

Discourse Community Report

On average, over one-hundred and eighty thousand men and women enlist in the

various branches of the military per year. Another twenty thousand become an officer in

the military after achieving their bachelor’s degree. While serving our country is held in

high regards to most Americans, what many people may not know is the true sacrifice that

service members make behind closed doors. This community prompted the research

question: "How does military life affect marriage & family?" I wanted to know how joining

the military changes the dynamic of a household, how roles are divided, how the

relationship between a husband and wife is altered due to the separation and constant

change and how children can be affected by having a parent who serves. As I dug into

research and interviews, I hoped to find an in depth look that only those who have served,

or those who are married to military members, could provide.

Ann Johns describes the term discourse communities as any group “where the focus

is on texts and language, the genres and lexis that enables members throughout the world

to maintain their goals, regulate their membership, and communicates efficiently with one

another." She explains that any discourse community is unified by a "broadly agreed set of

common public goals." [Johns 321] This prompted my approach to the research question. I

decided to look into what the agreed upon set of goals was between member of the military

and their family, as well as the "mechanisms of intercommunication among its members." I,

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as an outsider, wanted to find out what the goals of a family become after someone decides

to join, because for the military, serving and protecting the country is the agreed upon goal.

But how does a family decide its own goals with such a strict and consuming commitment

to something else? How does it manage and communicate that goal through the constant

changes of military life? I wanted to ask a multitude of more detailed questions in order to

determine this.

This particular discourse community is highly respected and admired by many, but

as an outsider looking in, looks can be deceiving. I believe the details of such a community

can only be accurately relayed by someone intimately familiar with such a situation. My

primary source of research was to conduct interviews with two men who had served

different times in different branches. I also interviewed their wives, who helped to provide

a more rounded perspective of both my primary and secondary research questions. One

couple, Bob and Rose Simkins, was enlisted in the Air Force for 20 years. They had two sons

during this time. The other couple I interviewed is Robert and Tamie Tibbs. Robert served

in the Navy for nearly ten years with only one child. (They had four more children after he

had already left the Navy.) My secondary research consisted of visiting both the Navy and

Air Force websites to see what kind of information could be provided for someone wishing

to join the military. I took the approach of someone who has no idea what to expect in

terms of benefits provided by the military, housing, pay, job opportunities for spouses and

help with child care. In my mind, these were tangible topics that might influence family life

profoundly and lead to emotional stress or conflict as well. Some secondary research

questions included topics such as deployment, moving and coping. All of these research

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questions were focused on the influence a life in the military can have on a marriage and

family. A full list of my interview questions can be found in the appendix.

During the course of my secondary research, I discovered that the Air Force website

provided multiple tabs on what people who were interested in joining could hypothetically

expect in terms of bases, housing and assistance with child care or a spouse searching for a

job among some other topics. The websites also offered a calculator that could help

determine an approximate pay per year, depending on rank and years in service. While

nothing could be guaranteed due to ever changing circumstances, it appeared that this

website tried to prepare and assist incoming members and their families. The Navy website

provided some similar information but was not nearly as detailed and did not provide the

same amount of information as the Air Force website. The Navy website did not provide

near as much information as the Air Force did and the organization of the website was

somewhat confusing. However, upon inspection of both sites, I noticed that there was little

to no assistance in preparing the spouse or children of military members. There was no

spouse handbook or information on how to expect the transition to influence family life or

marriages. Neither site provided any clues as to where this type of information may be

found either. The sole focus of any information provided was for the person joining the

military. Descriptions of each tab inspected were vague at best. Even with the scarce

information provided, the website’s preferred way of obtaining information or asking

questions was for the interested party to get in touch with a recruiter. I viewed these

websites as an attempt to see the topic of preparation from the military’s side before I

heard from the participants. As we all know, there are two sides to every story. I hoped that

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viewing this information beforehand would better prepare me for the answers from my

interviews and provide a well-rounded and informed answer to my research question.

Even though the two couples served under different circumstances, I was able to

determine key trends. For starters, both sets of participants agreed that the benefits such

as pay, health insurance and educational opportunities were advantages of a life of service.

The opportunity for career advancement, which may help to further or enlarge specific

benefits, such as pay or the provided housing allowance, was entirely up to the enlisted

member and how well they performed. This is usually the case in any workplace. The

interview participants also stated that the education benefits that a G.I. Bill would provide

were unparalleled. In terms of my primary research question, the interviewees noted that

these provisions made life in the military easier. It was agreed that these benefits were

then, and have since, remained unmatched.

Both families were enlisted during the 90s, during a time in which communication

methods were nowhere near as advanced as they are today. The sources for

communication were also outdated. What can be referred to as "snail mail" was the

primary source of communicating with one another. Depending on where the service

member was located, it could take anywhere from days to weeks to arrive. This fact stalled

communication. There was no immediate way of informing the service member of the

occurring events happening at home and it may be awhile before he found out. There were

also satellite phones and phone cards that allowed for calls during deployment, but this

was not often accessible or reliable. The satellite phones were often spotty, and they did

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not receive a lot of time to use them. It could be weeks before the couple could speak to

each other and when they finally got the chance to, there was a delay in when the person on

the other end heard what you said. It made communicating frustrating to say the least.

Both parties revealed that the best course of action in coping with the changes and the

distance was to maintain a routine. The wives of the enlisted members stated that this

helped not only them, but their children. The families tried to stay busy in the absence of

their husband/father. They participated in work and school and got together with friends

or went to visit family to pass the time. The Air Force family was very active in baseball.

The most abounding key trend is that neither spouse felt prepared or informed of

the changes and difficulties to come upon joining the service. They were separated from

family and friends and had little choice about where they were moved to, at least in the

beginning. Both wives stated that because the military was the priority, they had to figure

everything out by themselves. The wives were not only in charge of child rearing but day

to day activities such as paying bills, grocery shopping, helping the kids with homework

and various other tasks that kept them busy. They played the part of both parents as well

as executor of all household and financial responsibilities. All of this was foreshadowed by

the lingering feeling of both missing and worrying about their service member. Both

couples emphasized that the distance and difficulties of being a family in the military

proved quite the challenge over the many years. However, they also said that these

challenges brought them closer together and made their relationships as husband and wife,

stronger. They also found friendships and support through fellow service members and

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their families. The Navy spouse even stated "You depend on one another deeply and with a

strength that only those in the military can understand."

While both branches showed some similarities, the participant's interviews

revealed some differences as well. The Navy family, the wife in particular, felt that they had

absolutely no preparation and no knowledge of resources that could help to prepare or

deal with life in the military. She felt that the priority was always the relationship between

the Navy and the enlisted (her husband). Family came second at every opportunity, in her

opinion. On the other hand, the Air Force family found a lot of support through their chain

of command in the beginning, who would help them to communicate and was sympathetic

to their situation as newlyweds. The websites showed that there were resources on base

such as occasional child care, parenting classes and financial advisors. The Air Force spouse

stated that she found life on base peaceful and these resources helpful. The enlisted

member felt the security of knowing that his family was taken care of while he was

deployed. This was not the case for the Navy family. There was often a wait list for base

housing, so they lived off base with family while the enlisted was away. The Navy spouse

said that these resources may have been available but that she had no knowledge of them

and that no one ever told her about them. She did not feel that the Navy was sympathetic to

her situation as a new wife and mother with a husband in the military.

After asking “In what ways does life in the military affect marriage and family life?” I

came to find that key trends among families in the military include a large amount of

struggle due to separation of family members, constant change and a duty first and

foremost to serving our country. The difficulty of not being able to communicate and the

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distinction of roles between husbands and wives greatly influences the dynamic and the

strength of a marriage and the relationship between husband and wife, as well as, between

parents and children. However, as proven by these two families' testimony, the struggles of

military life can improve the quality of living and strengthen relationships. It appeared that

the main goal of a military family, first and foremost was to support their military member.

While this went unspoken, it remained crucial to the success of the job, the safety of the

enlisted and reaping the benefits of serving in the military. After that, a close second

common goal was to function as one unit. It appeared that the bond of a marriage kept

service members going. But beyond that, in my opinion, it appeared that the role of the

spouse was to keep the home front as well maintained as the carrier the sailor sailed on

and the aircrafts the airman provided Intel for. But without question, every role within a

military family is just as important as the other. So in answer to my question: being a part

of the military affects a marriage and a family in the most intense and intimate of ways.

While everyone has the right to their own opinion, I find that family provides the

fundamental support and encouragement needed to serve in the military.

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 APPENDIX

Primary Question: In what ways does being in the military affect marriage & family life?

Secondary Questions:

1. Pros & Cons/Advantages & Difficulties

2. How does deployment affect you and your relationship with each other?

3. How moving affect you and your relationship with each other?

4. How often & in what ways could you communicate?

5. How does deployment affect your kids?

6. How does moving affect your kids?

7. What were the hardest changes to get used to?

8. How does the military communicate changes or announcements with you?

9. Describe the process of building relationships with others, both in & out of military,

while you're in.

10. What were the given branch's views on marriage and family when you were a part

of the community?

11. Can you describe your relationship with your fellow soldiers and their families?

12. How would you describe advancement opportunities?

13. Did you feel that the benefits offered suited your needs for a comfortable life?

14. Does Air Force offer life insurance and home loans? (Navy does)

15. How would you describe/feel about the education opportunities?

16. Did the navy offer base housing?

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 17. What kind of preparation did you receive for him joining/life changing? What

resources were these given to you through?

18. Did Navy & Air Force offer child, money & family services? (Family advocacy

services include parent support groups and abuse prevention services)

19. What changes did you notice in your spouse? In your kids?

20. What new things did you have to learn?

21. What new roles did you have to take on?

22. How did you cope?

23. How did you help your kids cope?

24. What did your kids struggle with?

25. Were there any resources to help you get acquainted/learn/cope? Describe them

please.

26. (Is there something called a Spouse Handbook? Do you know where I can find it?)

27. How did you learn the appropriate jargon and behavior?

*Please note that while all of these questions were asked, some became irrelevant

throughout the course of the research or while compiling this report. I thought it better to

ask too many than to ask too little.