Neil Strauss On Get Anyone To Do Anything

Neil StraussOctober 8, 2012Neil8 Comments

Power: Is there anything more seductive?

The ability to influence the actions of others has been the subject of many books, seminars, and
musings. Used by heads of state and cult leaders a like, it can be used for good, evil, and
everything in between.

But as Voltaire once said in French and then Stan Lee through the character Uncle Ben…
“With great power comes great responsibility.”

So hold off on stirring the cool aid, raising an army, or just convincing your boss to give you a
raise, because first you’ll want to read Anthony’s summary of…

CROWDSOURCED READING PROJECT #23

GET ANYONE TO DO ANYTHING

SUMMARIZED BY ANTHONY BLATNER

Why do we need power, and where does it come from

Every interaction has millions of moving parts. It’s incredibly

hard to pinpoint specific pieces of the social machine to fix because as we change, each cog in
the machine changes. Life is composed of internal workings under our control, external variables
out of our control, and elements we’re not even aware of.

We’ve all had conversations, meetings, and dates in our lives that couldn’t gone better, but we
have no idea what was different between that failed instance and the last stellar interaction.

Here, I’m going to give you the best techniques and tactics found in “Get Anyone To Do
Anything” by David Lieberman to help you better understand and control the social dynamics
swirling around us. As this book promises, we’ll show you many ways to steer interactions,
avoid being taken advantage of, understand how to lead, influence, and motivate anyone to your
ideas, and control how others perceive you.

The power here comes in the words you choose, the delivery of your message, and many
subconscious factors.

About the Author

David Lieberman, Ph.D., is a leader in the field of human behavior. His techniques and research
are used by governments, corporations, and professionals in countries all over the world.

The Vibe
At first, most of the tips come across as common knowledge. I thought this book was the fluffy
theoretical side of social dynamics. I thought most of the techniques mentioned were common
sense we already knew. Then I read it again. Months later, I found that I had unconsciously
started using much of this material successfully.

Lieberman provides examples and applies his advice to real-world situations. The book’s
chapters are divided into specific scenarios, and the ones I’m about to share are chapters that I
unknowingly found myself using. Some sound obvious, and I have found that much of its
usefulness is how Lieberman explicitly articulates the social dynamics that we knew implicitly. It
puts words to the intangibles and brings attention to things that we already knew, but the

explanations, examples, and research serve to emphasize the important pieces. This helps us
really understand why and how it works, and apply it to the rest of our life. Most of the strategies
listed in this book are supported by psychological studies the author references. I’ll save you
from the hard science and extract the tangible takeaways.

The author does over promise the ability to “apply proven, fast-working psychological tactics to
gain complete and total cooperation from all people in any situation”. He says, “imagine how
easy life would be if you were able to predict and control the outcome of any encounter”. And
there is a slightly ominous vibe when it encourages you to “enable your mind to become your
greatest weapon”. Yet, most of the situations are harmless and tactics refer to everyday
encounters, and the author requests that you don’t use this info maliciously… but what fun is
that.
The Secrets of Psychology
How to Make a Fantastic First Impression

Smile. Duh. A smile conveys confidence, happiness, enthusiasm, and shows acceptance. Duh,
again. Well the reason that smiling is important is because of the Primacy effect. A first
impression of another person causes us to interpret his or her subsequent behavior in a manner
consistent with the first impression.

Our perceptions have an element of momentum. If we get a good feeling from first meeting
someone, we automatically assume positives about them, but if we get a negative feeling, then as
we get to know them we bias the new information in a negative way.

Think of a time that you’ve heard, “Johnny could have never done that, he’s such a nice guy!”
Same idea.

The next piece of advice on first impressions is to use positive language and emotions around
new acquaintances. Don’t be a negative nancy. Duh, yet again. And the reason this is helpful is
accessibility and priming , or basically seeding a conversation or interaction. Lieberman says
that whatever emotions are most accessible to a person, the ones they’re hearing and feeling, are
the emotions they associate with a situation or other people. If you’re in a bright room full of
happy people, you’re going to be in a better mood than standing in a dim room with depressed
people, even if you’re not interacting with them.

Now you can use the primacy effect with the concepts of accessibility and priming for more than
just first impressions.

Get anyone to say what they’re really thinking

Asking for confirmation won’t get you the truth. When you’re having a conversation, but want to
challenge to speaker, questioning them with “are you sure?” or “do you really?” will always get
the same response. People won’t contradict themselves.

Here, we see psychological effects of consistency and expectancy. Consistency: people have a
need for continuity in their thinking. Expectancy: people often do what is expected of them. To
get around this, you need to ask the right questions. First, it helps to agree with the speaker, so
they don’t become defense and feel that they’re being challenged. Next, ask them for more input
and give them the opportunity to reveal what they’re thinking.

For example:
Designer: “Do you like my new designs”
Client: “Sure, they’re original”
Designer: “Ok, what would it take for you to love them?” Client: “Well, I’m really into ___ right
now…”
Person: “Do you like my new car?”
Friend: “Sure, it looks good”
Person: “Yea, but I feel that it just needs a little something” Friend: “Oh, well you could do…”

Get anyone to take immediate action in any situation

We all procrastinate, but we hate when others procrastinate. These tips are applicable to
managing others, when looking for favors, or leading a group.

Limit options and give a deadline. Fewer choices mean faster decisions. This sounds generalized,
but the fastest decisions are made with three or fewer options. A deadline provides an
expectation, and allows you to check-in a quarter of the way through, halfway through, etc. Keep
them on an agreed schedule.

Here is also a good place to mention the law of inertia, people in motion stay in motion. When
someone is presented with a small request and does it, they are much more likely to accept a
larger request later, instead of being initially presented with the larger request. This is the same
reason that the compliance ladder works in pick-up. Similarly, use phrases like “while we’re out,
let’s run that errand on the way” instead of “when/if we go out, let’s run that errand”.

Finally, conveying confidence and expectation that they will comply is important. When you’re
not confident, it’s apparent that there’s doubt in your mind that they will complete the task. If
there’s doubt, they know there’s room to wiggle out of the assignment through this crack in
confidence.

Get anyone to follow through on a commitment to you

People falsely agree to commitments to get out of a situation or change an uncomfortable topic.
Women give men fake numbers so they go away, friends promise to hangout and then flake.
Here’s how to keep them on point or find the cracks in their commitments.

“What would have to happen for this not to work out?” is a powerful question. For example,
instead of asking your buddy, “are you sure you want to marry

her?” rephrase that question and ask, “what would have to happen for you to not marry her next
year?” If there’s a crack in that engagement, he’s more likely to be honest about a few issues in
the relationship.

To confirm a promise, reinforce it. If you’re making plans, end the conversation with, “So I’ll
see you next Saturday then, right?” And as the day approaches, send them a text or email letting
them know how much you appreciate their help. Guilt is a strong emotion.

Finding cracks in a plan is about squeezing in through the small problems. Reinforcing a
commitment is about repeatedly cementing a promise.
Get a stubborn person to change their mind about anything
As we mentioned earlier, consider the law of inertia and the feelings of consistency and
expectation. In an interaction it would be inconsistent for a person will not change their mind
without new information. We have a need to be consistent so that we can internally reason with
ourselves that what we’re saying or doing is right and logical.

When attempting to change someone’s mind, provide new information and bring in additional
social proof. “Yea, I still think you should invest in that company, they just published great new
financials today, and even my stockbroker here, Dan, has invested.” This gives the person a
reason to change their mind and an opening to make that decision without feeling inconsistent.
The reinforcement of the stockbroker gives a comforting feeling, and can also create social
pressure if that person is present.

Another example, if a friend says they’re going to a different party that will be more fun. Asking
them “are you sure” isn’t going to work. Again, It would be inconsistent and unexpected for
them to change their mind without a reason. Instead the following phrase subconsciously hits the
consistency and expectancy switches, “remember how much fun you said you had at our last
party, well we’re throwing another one and it’s going to be even better. I know you’ll love it.”

Get anyone to do a favor for you

It’s important to have people around you that are willing to help and look out for your best
interest. To get those people on your side, either in work or social situations use these simple
ideas.

First is the law of reciprocity. If I do nice things for you, no matter how big or small, you’ll feel
the need to reciprocate and do nice things for me. Else you risk losing a friend because of an
unequal relationship. For example, if I brought you a cup of coffee this morning, and a sandwich
tomorrow for lunch, you will feel expected to bring me something or do a favor I request. Just
don’t ask when the other person is preoccupied, as that will give them a likely reason to decline
your request.

The second idea when trying to get someone to do a favor for you is to add personal
responsibility. Tell them you have no one else to turn to or that you’re really counting on them.
Most people (that have a conscience) will feel more obligated to help you out in your situation.
Although, don’t give a reason from your own incompetence, else you’ll generate apathy, not
empathy. Don’t make yourself look stupid, or they’ll think it’s your own fault. Focus on the parts
of your predicament that were not your own doing, and don’t overuse this second idea or you’ll
come across as needy.

The #1 mistake most people make in life

Life is a stream of decisions that we make. Many of these decisions are risks, many we don’t
know what the outcome will be, and most we can’t undo. The way people gamble in a casino
and live their lives is usually the same. Most people make the same errors they do in life as they
do in gambling , and it’s rooted in their mindset. It comes down to being on tilt versus being in
the zone.

Playing on tilt is when you’re losing, yet increasing your bets to make back the ground you’ve
already lost. This is when you make desperate moves, and it’s when emotions drive your
decisions, instead of logic. This is when players get themselves in real trouble — in both
gambling and life. When you feel your emotions taking over, do what gamblers hate to do —
stop. All unsuccessful gambling strategies are based on fear. When you need to win, when you
emphasize the outcome and ignore the actual game, you’ll lose. Never do anything out of fear.
When you feel your emotions spark and confidence waver, then stop and analyze the situation.

On the flip side, the best mindset is one of emotional detachment. Think of the last time you
were in the zone. You were totally present. You may not have even been aware of yourself, but
you knew what to do. You didn’t think about your actions, you just performed. You saw the
obstacles, and you handled them. There were no feelings of fear, only responses to stimuli.

Get anyone to open up to you

To create a deeper and emotional connection with someone, you need them to open up.
Sometimes you want information from them, or are just looking for the inside scoop.

With sensitive topics, it’s not comfortable to jump right in and question them directly. Start with
small talk and lead the conversation into the direction you want to learn more about.
Conversations and people need to be warmed up. If it feels like a subject is naturally segued to in
a conversation, then the other parties will be comfortable discussing it. Then once you’re on that
topic, create a gap in the conversation. They’ll feel expected to fill that gap and tell you the
information you’re looking for.

Secondly, sometimes it’s useful to answer the question you’re asking first and then look for their
input. They’ll feel more comfortable sharing after they’ve heard from you. It’s the law of
reciprocity again. The best part is that your answer doesn’t even have to be relevant, and you
don’t have to give up sensitive information. Just sharing creates this connection and expectation.

For example, you might not directly ask a colleague or rival if their business received funding.
Instead, try the following:
You: “Hey, looks like you had a stressful day today”
Them: “Yea, we had a meeting with the investors this morning, it got kind of crazy”

You: “Oh man, sounds like there’s a good story there”

Them: “Yea, …”
You: “And you guys were in that weird shaped room, I never feel comfortable in there. It must
have been a tough pitch.”
Them: “Yea, …”
Here you’re commenting on the current situation, how they look, and leading the conversation
where you want, onto their funding. Then you just need to act interested and leave a gap in the
conversation, created by saying “sounds like there’s a good story”. There’s an expectation that
they’ll tell you the story. If not, you share something about yourself, and now that you’re on the
topic you can come out and ask “So… how did it go? Did you guys get funded?”

Get anyone to find you irresistibly attractive

Attraction is just another emotion. When you do exciting activities, all your emotions are
heightened and easier to access. Dinner dates suck because they lack excitement, and therefore
emotion. Choose engaging activities, such as amusement parks, scary movies, or even physical
exercise. The excitement a person feels gets unconsciously translated into sexual desire and
arousal. This arousal will be attributed to whomever the person is with. So if you’re the person
sitting closest to her in a scary movie, she’s going to associate more emotions with you.

These emotions are also affected by outside factors. A study by Elaine Walster Hatfield showed
that a woman who is introduced to a man will find him more appealing if her self-esteem has
been temporarily injured than a woman whose self-esteem has not been impaired. This is why
negs work. Conversely, when her esteem is in high-gear, she’s more likely to brush others off or
perceive them as being comparatively lower value. Another reason why you should always open
a set with the same or slightly higher energy.

There are also ways to suggest emotions. Similar to the law of reciprocation is reciprocal
attraction. We like those who like us, and are more attracted to those people once we learn that
they are attracted to us. The first reason is that we don’t want to over commit and feel
embarrassed if the feelings aren’t returned. The second reason is that it puts the emotion in the
front of our mind, making it readily accessible. The lesson here is that when she begins giving us
IOIs, it’s important to return the IOIs and be more direct.

The people surrounding you affect the vibe you produce. This is the law of contrast and
association, when we see and judge people in comparison to the others they are with. The
problem is that it usually it doesn’t work in our favor. For example, if we’re with a group of very
attractive people, others will perceive us as less attractive. And if we’re with a group of lesser
attractive people, the group as a whole is less attractive, and that includes us. This is why it’s
best to approach sets solo, because we will be judged and perceived for who we are. Consider
this when meeting someone for the first time or out sarging.

Conclusion
“Get Anyone To Do Anything” provides practical tips and techniques for handling and
understanding many social and psychological situations. Even more importantly, it provides the
explanation behind those techniques and why they work, so they can be applied to any
interaction. It doesn’t give you the powers that the title promises, but it does begin to break down
the social matrix. So takes these techniques and examples, and visualize how they can be applied
to your interactions.
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Tags:Crowdsource Reading Project

8 Comments on “Neil Strauss On Get Anyone To Do

Anything”

1.

Reply

Zyxst

10.08.2012 at 12:56 pm

I like this especially having sometimes resurrected old habits that I killed for not seeing
their usefulness, so like you said, even enforcing “duh” knowledge helps by consciously
reinforcing its value.
2.

Reply

Chris in Chi

10.14.2012 at 3:15 pm

I love this book. I can really relate to doing the things mentioned here without being
conscious of it.

3.

Reply

Vencedor

10.16.2012 at 6:02 pm

Thanks, for the summary and posting.

Some things I just say without noticing i’m suggesting emotions. Looking forward to
read the book and get more info on that. Leading conversation towards your desired
content might be usefull not only in social interacting but as well in work/business, as
mentioned – asking for job promotion etc..
Thanks again!

4.

Reply
 Neil

10.18.2012 at 6:47 pm

Great book of tactics. Nice summary, Anthony.

5.

Reply

Anthony John

11.01.2012 at 10:34 am

I just listened to the audio book.

Success!
I have been having issues with this at work and now I am applying some of these things
and they are working now.
Law of Attraction =)

6.

Reply

Spark

11.16.2012 at 11:02 pm

A point of order: “if we’re with a group of very attractive people, others will perceive us
as less attractive. And if we’re with a group of lesser attractive people, the group as a
whole is less attractive, and that includes us.”

Is there no group that will make us look more attractive? What about the concept of pre-
selection?
 Everything else sounded pretty good to me.

7.

Reply

Augana

11.19.2012 at 11:49 am

This is pure gold. 10 minutes of reading packed with useful information.

8.

Reply

curls16

05.19.2013 at 4:39 pm

Sounds class will definetly use this.

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