Essay Excerpts: The Impact of Networking on Your Ability to Answer “Why our school?

Excerpt from Application to Harvard Business School:

What is your career vision and why is this choice meaningful to you?

With the knowledge, school-based network, and passion to act on this incredibly important yet
underestimated issue, I now seek an MBA at HBS. As an aspiring social entrepreneur, at HBS I
will develop the business acumen required to realize my vision through executive judgment,
disciplined management practices, and rigorous, quantified metrics. Because my goals are
formed at the intersection of business, government, education, and public health, I also aim to
attend HBS because Harvard University offers the greatest quality and breadth of resources in
each of these areas. Additionally, given the specificity of my goals, I require a large and diverse
network of alumni, professors, and classmates in order to identify partners in my work.

Reflective assessment: Though I had a limited amount of words to use here, I could have used
them much more effectively. The key test – replace Harvard with the name of another top
school. The essay still makes sense. And, that means I haven’t really written something that is
unique to Harvard, downgrading the potential of this essay to be compelling. I could have still
talked about utilizing resources across university disciplines and having a large network. But,
without personal stories (that I would have gained from interacting more closely with the school),
this reads very generically.

Excerpt from Application to Stanford Graduate School of Business:

What are your career aspirations? How will your education at Stanford help you achieve them?

The Stanford MBA will uniquely empower me to fill this critical gap. As a rising social
entrepreneur, I require programs, faculty, and clubs that will position me to apply general
management principles in an innovative, socially-geared business. Among top MBA programs,
Stanford is the leader in this sphere. Electives such as Social Entrepreneurship, Comparing
Institutional Forms: Public, Private, Nonprofit, and Entrepreneurship from the Perspective of
Women will provide essential frameworks for my approach to business. Because my goals
merge at the crossroads of business, government, education, and health, I will also pursue a
certificate in Public Management. I will engage with a dynamic network of like-minded
colleagues through the Social Venture Club and the Entrepreneur Club, and through the Board
Fellows program, will further my understanding of organizational management.

In my career, I will work with diverse stakeholders, such as nutritionists, engineers, and farmers,
to deliver an essential product. Through interdisciplinary seminars, such as BioDesign
Innovation, I will gain insight on how various stakeholders approach a need, and acquire highly
relevant experience in working within such teams.

Beyond additional especially important facets, such as access to venture capitalists and a multi-
tiered advising program, I will emerge best-positioned to execute my goals having joined the
Stanford community. [Alumni Name], ’02, impressed upon me the diversity, creativity, and drive
of her classmates to identify and innovatively fulfill needs – individuals, for example, who
learned HTML to develop financial software. From spending time on campus, I know that I will

©2010, My MBA Story. www.mymbastory.com

bring my own unique background and goals to a class of brilliant, enthusiastic individuals with
strong values and distinct outlooks, who together will comprise an unparalleled class.

Reflective assessment: At the very least, compared with what I wrote for Harvard, I was more
detailed about the specific resources that Stanford offers, related to social entrepreneurship. I
also touched on academic, extra-curricular, and social aspects of the school.

However, the first paragraph reads more like a list of resources, instead of a personal
description of how each of these experiences relate to me and my goals, specifically. Anyone
with an interest in social entrepreneurship could have submitted this paragraph. Had I observed
any of these programs in action, or spoken with students and faculty who are involved with
them, I would have been much more informed as I wrote, giving myself the details required to
demonstrate a fit. Take your time with writing your essays – sometimes it helps to write to a
certain level of specificity, put the essays away for a week, and then come back with newly
critical eyes to make your writing even more individualized to you and your story.

Also, while BioDesign Innovation does bring together various stakeholders (specifically,
students in medicine, engineering, and business) to deliver a critical product, the way I wrote
about it demonstrates limited understanding of the objectives of the course (it’s not meant to be
a “trial” experience for people who are interested in working across sectors – the course has
actually led to the development and release of patented medical technologies and is for
students who have a serious interest in medical innovation). Make sure that you truly
understand the programs, research centers, courses, and activities that you are discussing in
your application, and their relevance to your story!

Lastly, while the final paragraph touches on community and interaction with Stanford students,
it’s clear that I’ve only interacted with them at a distance, as I can’t speak to anything more
specific than the adjectives used – brilliant, enthusiastic, distinct. These words don’t really mean
much, unless I can back them up with personal stories.

Excerpt from Application to Columbia Business School:

What are your short-term and long-term post-MBA goals? How will Columbia Business School
help you achieve these goals?

Over the next two years, I must hone several skills as an entrepreneur and manager. How do I
work with various stakeholders to attain a vision? How do I build, manage, and retain an
outstanding team? How do I manage functions such as finance, technology, and facilities? How
do I direct my company’s overall strategy and growth? Through experiences comprising my
personal MBA “view book,” I know that I will be best prepared to answer such questions as a
Columbia Business School graduate.

At the Uncommon Schools office, I participated in a session on Constructive Conflict led by CBS
Professor Daniel Ames. Four hours flew by as Professor Ames masterfully connected theory
with practice, weaving in illustrative quotes, stories, and examples. I came away with a
comprehensive framework for thinking through difficult conversations, and practical strategies
for managing such conversations. Afterwards, I appreciated the chance to speak personally with
Professor Ames about his related experience in other sectors and countries, including his
noteworthy observations of Saudi Arabian men and women engaging in constructive
conversations.

©2010, My MBA Story. www.mymbastory.com

I also experienced this commitment to real-world research and instruction in Professor
Weintraub’s core course, Operations Management, which introduced me to concepts of supply
chain management. Professor Weintraub precisely balanced making the content
understandable and applicable, while maintaining a high level of rigor. It was clear that CBS
students are encouraged to critically evaluate content and that CBS professors drive this
through their management of class discussion. At Columbia, I will learn from leading thinkers
and practitioners who comprise a rich and dynamic concentration of global knowledge in the
very disciplines where I aim to grow.

At the “Why an MBA?” session, I connected with Dawn Sanders, who described how the
Entrepreneurial Greenhouse Program not only led her to earn financing for her East Harlem
spa, but importantly, helped her to tighten up her business plan, develop relationships with
expert thought partners, and pitch her business to prospective investors. Along with the Global
Social Venture Competition, such opportunities are essential, unparalleled components of my
business school education that will advance my business and support me in effectively building
essential competencies. Additionally, through CBS alumni like Dawn, Shazi Visram of Happy
Baby, and Noha Waibsnaider of Peeled Snacks, I can leverage the experience and networks of
mission-aligned entrepreneurs.

I also seek highly knowledgeable, empowering, and enthusiastic advisors. Over lunch in
October, I shared my career goals with [Staff Member Name] of the Nonprofit Board Leadership
Program. Pulling out her Blackberry, she immediately introduced alumni connections and
relevant resources. She described how, at CBS’ Social Enterprise Program office, I would be
welcome to evaluate my academic and career development within a community of social
enterprise leaders. I experienced this when I met with [Staff Member Name], who told me of the
student body’s commitment to education, which presents a distinct opportunity to find partners
in my work. [Name’s] and [Name’s] sincere interest in my goals, even prior to my enrollment,
struck me as rare and especially compelling.

I hope to bring a unique, important voice to the CBS community. As I help to organize
conferences, consult for small businesses, and plan Gourmet Club dinners, my classmates and
I will shape our approach to business. At CBS, a program focused on bridging theory and
practice in entrepreneurship and social enterprise, I will best prepare to fulfill my vision.

Reflective assessment: So, this is obviously the best of the three. Though thousands of people
apply to Columbia every year, I can feel pretty confident that no one submitted an essay that
sounded similar to mine. I touched on some “generic” aspects of the program – faculty, social
enterprise resources, alumni network, and the idea of merging theory and practice. However, I
hope you’ll agree that I did so through very personal experiences with the school, ones that
clearly show a fit between my individual needs/goals, and the school’s program. (I also
managed to mention how I want to get involved on campus.) And, I was able to do this because
I made a point to visit campus, arrange personal meetings, and talk with students and staff
members in my areas of interest.

©2010, My MBA Story. www.mymbastory.com