Untitled

by Silvestre Maganda

Submission date: 27-Feb-2018 10:06PM (UT C-0800)

Submission ID: 922763357
File name: Xray_crystallography.docx (1.47M)
Word count: 1334
Character count: 8202
 Silvestre, I love the way you developed and organized your
definition with chronologically ordered examples and
developments. Many of your descriptions are quite clear for
someone with a novice's understanding of science--good job!
Read on to find more comments, below, and be sure to check
the rubric I've marked for youworking
keep by clicking on the
to clarify blue
your and
first
white box under the pencil icon.
sentence. for example, are the crystals
part of the method, or part of the
substance being imaged?

and

but also shaped I love this intro--it goes big asking readers
to recognize the huge impact of
something they probably take for
Whit e Space granted.
delet e

th
e
not quite clear; do you mean a light like that from radiation?c
o
at
e
d
tu
b
e
?

good citation caption & attribution

 This is a really engaging history--I didn't
know this!

, in a copper sulfate molecule,

Again, super interesting new info for me!

Audience's needs

need to define
"unit cell"
 resolution isn't
clear here. In
your caption,
explain what
you mean by
"sizes," as I
don't see a unit
of
measurement.

Wow! Some readers might not understand "ionic

compounds," and you could probably use NaCl as Audience's needs
an example.
 Need a transition moving
from imaging inorganic
crystals to imaging human
coherence Audience's needs
molecules, like hemoglobin
and DNA. Basically, you
should explain that some
(which?) molecules inside
of humans are crystalline.

An example might help

Great
choice of
example-
-makes it
relatable
for
human
reader.

who
 Oh! Another
woman pioneer
in the sciences
who had her
glory stolen
from her!

comma comm
a

I think I'd delete this "Other

Imaging" section--it's not
Missing Post writ e
necessary here.
Even the number system requires more than the
URL. Look up "number citation system"
Untitled
ORIGINALITY REPORT

5 %
SIMILARIT Y INDEX
3%
INT ERNET SOURCES
3%
PUBLICAT IONS
3%
ST UDENT PAPERS

PRIMARY SOURCES

1
Submitted to St. Xavier University
St udent Paper 3%
2
www.researchgate.net
Int ernet Source 1%
3
ecommons.usask.ca
Int ernet Source 1%
4
Michael Fry. "Discovery of the Structure of
DNA", Elsevier BV, 2016
<1%
Publicat ion

5
Submitted to University of Bristol
St udent Paper <1%

Exclude quotes On Exclude matches Of f

Exclude bibliography On
Untitled
GRADEMARK REPORT

FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

117
PAGE 1
/150

Text Comment. Silvestre, I love the way you developed and organized your def inition with
chronologically ordered examples and developments. Many of your descriptions are quite clear
f or someone with a novice's understanding of science--good job! Read on to f ind more
comments, below, and be sure to check the rubric I've marked f or you by clicking on the blue and
white box under the pencil icon.

Text Comment. keep working to clarif y your f irst sentence. f or example, are the crystals
part of the method, or part of the substance being imaged?

Text Comment. and

Text Comment. but also shaped

Text Comment. I love this intro--it goes big asking readers to recognize the huge impact
of something they probably take f or granted.

QM White Space
White space is used to set sections apart. Avoid cramming headings and paragraphs together
and f ollow this common rule f or headings:
two white lines bef ore a heading, one white line af ter the heading. When creating columns
(which are vertical), separate them with vertical white space.

QM delete
some words or phrases here are unnecessary; they may even cloud your meaing.

Text Comment. the coated tube?

 Text Comment. not quite clear; do you mean a light like that f rom radiation?

Text Comment. good citation caption & attribution

PAGE 2

Text Comment. T his is a really engaging history--I didn't know this!

Text Comment. , in a copper sulf ate molecule,

Text Comment. Again, super interesting new inf o f or me!

QM Audience's needs
Always consider the education and experience of your readers when you write. If you are writing
to general audience, you will need to def ine scientif ic words or terms and concepts that are
specif ic to your f ield. Likewise, you will need to explain any background to which you ref er. On
the other hand, a specialized audience may f ind such def initions and explanations unnecessary.

Text Comment. need to def ine "unit cell"

PAGE 3

Text Comment. resolution isn't clear here. In your caption, explain what you mean by
"sizes," as I don't see a unit of measurement.

Text Comment. Wow! Some readers might not understand "ionic compounds," and you
could probably use NaCl as an example.

QM Audience's needs
Always consider the education and experience of your readers when you write. If you are writing
to general audience, you will need to def ine scientif ic words or terms and concepts that are
specif ic to your f ield. Likewise, you will need to explain any background to which you ref er. On
the other hand, a specialized audience may f ind such def initions and explanations unnecessary.

PAGE 4

Text Comment. Need a transition moving f rom imaging inorganic crystals to imaging
human molecules, like hemoglobin and DNA. Basically, you should explain that some (which?)
molecules inside of humans are crystalline.

QM Audience's needs
Always consider the education and experience of your readers when you write. If you are writing
to general audience, you will need to def ine scientif ic words or terms and concepts that are
specif ic to your f ield. Likewise, you will need to explain any background to which you ref er. On
 the other hand, a specialized audience may f ind such def initions and explanations unnecessary.

QM coherence
T he relationship of this P or sentence to the previous P or sentence isn't clear. Can you create
a transition or otherwise specif y the relationship?

Text Comment. An example might help

Text Comment. Great choice of example--makes it relatable f or human reader.

Text Comment. who

PAGE 5

Text Comment. Oh! Another woman pioneer in the sciences who had her glory stolen f rom
her!

Text Comment. comma

Text Comment. comma

Text Comment. I think I'd delete this "Other Imaging" section--it's not necessary here.

QM Missing Postwrite
T he prompt asks f or a "postwrite."

Postwrite: Add a short paragraph af ter your works cited list explaining which def inition
strategies you employed.

PAGE 6

Text Comment. Even the number system requires more than the URL. Look up "number
citation system"
RUBRIC: 36 3 DEFINITION RUBRIC

RHET . FOCUS Developing

SLO #1: Write f ormally and inf ormally, in-class and out-of -class, f or a variety of audiences and purposes.

ABSENT OR BELOW Audience's needs are of ten not recognized: terms and ideas need explanation and
BASIC language needs adjustment f or the audience. Purpose (to def ine or term or
concept)isn't clear or achieved.

DEVELOPING Shows some attention to audience's needs, sometimes def ining necessary terms and
ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to def ine or term or
concept) may be unclear at times, and it may not be achieved convincingly.

PROFICIENT Shows attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms and ideas and using
audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to def ine or term or concept) may be
implied, but it's clear and achieved.

ADVANCED Shows sophisticated attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms and
ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to def ine a term or
concept) is clear and achieved with style.

ET HIC RESRCH Prof icient

SLO #2: Using the appropriate major’s customary citation style, ethically cite and communicate inf ormation
f rom a variety of discipline-appropriate sources.

ABSENT OR BELOW Omits or uses incorrectly quotation marks and/or MLA-, APA-, or Wikipedia-style
BASIC (number system) parenthetical citations and works cited list. Many citation errors.
Does not cite f rom a variety of discipline-appropriate sources. May be over-reliant on
a single source.

DEVELOPING A f ew errors in quotation marks, MLA-, APA-, or Wikipedia-style (number system)

parenthetical citations and works cited list. May cite superf icially f rom sources. May
be over-reliant on a single source.

PROFICIENT Correctly uses quotation marks and MLA-, APA-, or Wikipedia-style (number system)
parenthetical citations and works cited list. May have 1-2 citation errors. Cites f rom a
variety of discipline-appropriate sources.

ADVANCED Consistently and correctly uses quotation marks and MLA-, APA-, or Wikipedia-style
(number system) in-text (parenthetical) and end-of -text (ref erence list) citations f or
all sources, whether quoted directly or paraphrased. Cites f rom a variety of discipline-
appropriate sources. Never over-reliant on a single source.

PERS/SUPPORT Prof icient

SLO #3: Compare, evaluate, synthesize, and communicate caref ully, objectively, and persuasively the
relative merits of alternative or opposing arguments, assumptions, and cultural values.

ABSENT OR BELOW Fails to support claims with specif ic explanations, examples, etc.. Objectivity may be
BASIC lacking.
DEVELOPING Attempts to support claims with explanations, examples, etc., but specif icity and/or
objectivity may be lacking.

PROFICIENT Usually supports the def inition's claims with relevant, thorough, and specif ic
explanations, examples, etc.. Usually maintains objectivity.

ADVANCED Supports the def inition's claims with relevant, thorough, and specif ic explanations,
examples, etc.. Maintains objectivity.

ORGANIZ AT ION Prof icient

SLO #4: Organize, f ocus, and communicate one’s thoughts clearly and ef f ectively to address a rhetorical
situation.

ABSENT OR BELOW Organizational devices (one-sentence def inition; introduction; logical partitioning;
BASIC topic sentences, headings, transitions) may be absent, unrelated to the prompt, or
illogically connected. Ps contain multiple topics or are disorganized.

DEVELOPING Organizational devices (one-sentence def inition; introduction; logical partitioning;

topic sentences, headings, transitions) f it the prompt, but may be vague, too broad,
or inconsistenly or illogically linked. Ps may not be unif ied.

PROFICIENT Clear organizational devices (one-sentence def inition; introduction; logical

partitioning; topic sentences, headings, transitions) f it the prompt and tie ideas and
topics together adequately. Ps are usually unif ied.

ADVANCED Clear, specif ic organizational devices (one-sentence def inition; introduction; logical
partitioning; topic sentences, headings, transitions) f it the prompt and tie ideas and
topics together logically and seamlessly. Paragraphs are unif ied.

LANG & DESIGN Developing

SLO # 5: Recognize, evaluate, and employ the f eatures and contexts of language and design that express
and inf luence meaning and that demonstrate sensitivity to gender and cultural dif f erences.

ABSENT OR BELOW Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability. Language may
BASIC ref lect a gender or cultural bias or be too high or too low. Design may be
unconventional and inef f ective.

DEVELOPING Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors of ten impede readability or otherwise
distract f rom meaning. Style may be either too high or too low. Language may
occasionally suggest a gender or cultural bias. Design may be inconventional or
inef f ective.

PROFICIENT Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors are f ew and do not distract f rom
meaning. Middle-level-style. Language respects gender and cultural dif f erences.
Design is conventional and ef f ective.

ADVANCED Outstanding control of language, with middle-level style, including ef f ective diction
and sentence variety. Language respects gender and cultural dif f erences. Design is
conventional and ef f ective.