Evolution, Good and Evil

Some people really hate this idea: that God/Universe/Fate set the ball rolling over 3 billion
years ago with the invention of primitive DNA, and continued changes have brought us to the
brink of destruction on which we balance so precariously.
I’m sorry about this, but the theories contained in this book in many cases require some belief
in the fact of human evolution in order to make sense. Our definition of good and evil, for
instance, relies on the concept that that which is good furthers evolution, and that which is evil
hinders it. Our definition of Fun itself, so central to the Book of Fun, requires that we believe
that the Universe has ordained Fun as our goal and destiny, and has supplied us through the
evolution of the species with the tools to achieve it.
I’ve never understood what the problem with evolution is. Granted, the literalist religionists
among us can’t see the Great Books of Humanity as containers of complex and intelligent
metaphor, because they can’t understand complex and intelligent metaphor, and we are
encouraged to kowtow to the belief that Methuselah lived to be 969 years old, or that Jesus fed
thousands with a handful of fish, or that Adam and Eve lived with their families in a clearly
incestuous situation from which we all descend 6000 years later.
I think it’s perfectly acceptable to combine evolution and theology, even if it’s unnecessary.
So God took 13.7 billion years to create the universe and the world. Maybe 13.7 billion years
only felt like six days to God. Who are we to judge how God reckons time? But that’s neither
here nor there: I only mention it to show that I have sympathy for people who have a hard time
with the metaphors of the Bible, or Quran, or any other book of creation stories.
We need to accept the theory of evolution for the reasons elucidated in the Negativity and
Positivity chapter: our definitions of good and evil depend on it. If you prefer to believe that
evolution only took since last Tuesday, that’s your business, but you still have to accept that Fun
is God’s plan for us, or (I’m getting tired of repeating) the Universe’s desire. But I have to point
out that this column is as much in danger of offending evolutionists as it is creationists.
The solution is to accept creation stories as poetic truths and evolution as a literal one. Now
everybody is offended or not offended equally, and we can go on.
The story of evolution is the evolution of goodness, by definition. Goodness is, of course, not
only that which furthers the evolution of humanity, but furthers the evolution of the world and all
the species in it, and the desire of the Universe to achieve its own consciousness and thereby true
Fun. Humans are not the only intelligent species in the universe, and are doubtless not even
remotely close to being among the top 10 million most intelligent species, but here in our corner
of one Spiral Arm of the vast Milky Way galaxy, we are the ultimate tools of God. We are the
designated Hitter of Fun, the source, solution and result of it, and the Love of the Universe shines
through us.
So why, you may ask, are there dozens of wars every year, environmental destruction on a
colossal scale, species extinction at an ever-increasing rate, crime, rape and murder in our cities
and towns, commercial exploitation of human weakness, and loneliness, schizophrenia and bad
smells coming from slums full of the wickedly impoverished? If God created us to have fun and
Be Fun, why are there some people rich enough to own countries and others who are so poor that
they can’t afford to eat? Why, in short, does Evil stalk the planet?
These, to me, are the greatest arguments against creationism, or its lying offspring Intelligent
Design. An intelligent designer would not have created a world in which Evil was so common.
An intelligent designer would not have created a species on the brink of ecological and economic
catastrophe. A stupid designer might have, on the other hand. I say that if we are to add
Intelligent Design to our school curricula alongside evolution that we should also add the Theory
of Stupid Design, just to be fair.
Excuse the diatribe. I’ll get back to the point now.
Evil stalks the world because of the fundamental design of the universe, and the nature of
reality itself. If we have evolved toward Fun for 3 billion years, we have overcome many
stumbling blocks along the way. Evolution does not happen along a smooth curve; it is, like all
learning curves, a process of trial-and-error. To achieve consciousness in our little pocket of the
Universe, God has tried many approaches in his time. Some things worked, and some didn’t.
No matter how big the dinosaurs got, for instance, without bigger brains for their massive bodies,
consciousness never even came close to evolving. It wasn’t until much experimenting had been
done that Fun became a possibility at last. This is not to say that the last stumbling blocks, the
last errors, have been removed. The experiment continues, and God keeps trying new things.
The stumbling blocks are called Evil, and the successes and their results are called Good.
Evil, some have said, exists only in the sense that dark does: as an opposite. Even if this is
true, it is an unhealthy thought. If evil is simply a lack of good, or an opposite to it, then good is
equally arbitrary and meaningless. Many philosophers will tell you that this is self-evident, but
the rest of us humans find it either irrelevant or boring at best. Our brains wish to divide the
world into good and evil, and overcoming the natural tendencies of our brains is not the point.
The point is having a better concept of what good and evil are, one that squares with both brains.
On the other hand, many religions and tribal practices personify evil, in order to give people an
enemy outside themselves. This version of good and evil frees one from the necessity of
governing oneself and rooting out the evil that exists within. Religionists will tell you that all
evil comes from a single source. They won’t admit that the evil of pollution comes from
themselves. The simple-minded war between good and evil that characterizes so much religion
doesn’t require it’s believers to make sacrifices. Religion itself is evil in this way.
Fun is the goal of evolution, and is the Good Thing. Evil is the hindrance of evolution, and is
the bad thing. There is no more needed. We don’t need any of the mythology that surrounds
these things in order to understand them. The universe wants to be a good and better place.
There is no force that opposes it, there are only mistakes that need correction. Ask yourself:
“Am I a mistake of evolution? Do I help or hinder the cause of Fun? Do I help the universe
achieve its goal of unified consciousness, or am I a stumbling block?”
I ask myself this on a regular basis, and I am forced to conclude on an equally regular basis
that I’m a good person who occasionally does evil things. My evil is miniscule; I commit no
crimes against evolution, save that I do not always try very hard to live up to my potential. I am
a stumbling block when the brain God gave me is not used in a positive way. The clean flow of
the universe requires that I flow with it, and when I don’t, evolution is hindered. Little eddies
and vortexes form around me, like an island in a rushing river. And occasionally, I do outright
bad things, when my evil is more pronounced. Wouldn’t you like to know more about that?
It has also been said that evil is mediocrity. I wouldn’t characterize rape and violence as
mediocrity. I would say that mediocrity in a form of evil, or at best a neutral force which neither
hinders nor helps. That situation is rare, in a world in which every mile you drive brings the
death of another species ever closer. You, in your innocence, might be the person who finally
kills the polar bears.
As so often occurs in this book, I give you a list: you add to it or subtract from it in your own
way.
The Great Aspects of Good
 Education: without it, we are doomed. I hated school as a kid, but now as an adult I have
finally found the strength to complete it. The younger you are when you find that strength, the
better. Educated people are less likely to commit violence, or theft, or rape, and are more likely
to experience compassion and to defend human rights. Educated people understand more about
ecology and have lower birthrates. Literacy bestows worldliness. Worldliness bestows the Great
Aspects of Fun. Everyone, of course, can think of many examples where well-educated humans
have done evil things, but I speak in generalities, and there are always particulars to the contrary.
Education, by training the brain, improves the overall intelligence of the human race, and that
has to be a good thing. There are always problems with education, of course, but we don’t need
less of it, we need better education. We need to teach respect for beauty, for instance. We need
to teach compassion, alongside our math and science. We need to teach equality, along with
gym.