Children's Church

Or
Believer’s Church?
by
Rodney A. Gray
 Introduction

The scene could be a Sunday morning worship service of any typical

evangelical church. A couple of hymns have been sung, some
announcements read, an offering collected. Perhaps the service has been
embellished with the reading of a chapter from the Bible and a couple of
"special numbers in song." Now, as the adult part of the congregation
sings the last verse of another hymn, their children are filing out of the
auditorium. Where are they going? They are going to "children's church."

Or perhaps it is more like this: Again the scene is the corporate

worship meeting. But there are only grownups and (perhaps) a few
teenagers present. Where are all the children? Why, they are having
"church on their own level." What this usually means is that they are
somewhere in the building other than with their parents and families.
Perhaps it is in the basement or an adjoining room, but in any case it is
an area separated from what is going on in the meeting of the church.
And what are they doing there? Oh, they are having "their own" regular
church service just like the one "upstairs," except this one is "on their
own level." They sing choruses like "Do Lord" and "Give Me Oil" and
"Happy Am I." They have a Bible story and maybe even a missionary
story. And then of course they have their craft time and their refreshment
time, and possibly a prayer time. When all is completed, they have had
"church" on their own level. They know that they have spent their time in
a worthwhile way, because everything has been done in a childlike
manner.

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 The problem

All serious Christian parents know that the problems associated with
having children, especially very young children, with them when the
church gathers are not insignificant. We sense that our children do not
seem to derive any benefit from what is taking place, particularly when it
comes to the preaching/teaching ministry. The ministry of the Word of
God is presented in such a way that requires a measure of concentration
and thoughtfulness which even adults often find it difficult to muster.
What is more, because of their inattention and disinterest, children are
often a source of distraction that hinders the adults from giving their full
attention to what is being said. We have the feeling that perhaps people
will not come to our meetings once they discover that they will have to
keep their children with them. And of course there is always the problem
of having to force children to attend with their parents ("dragging them
to church"), a situation which we have convinced ourselves is
intolerable, because, after all, children should "like" to come to church
meetings. If they don’t like it, there must be something wrong with it,
because children are presumed to be the best judges of such things.
Necessarily coupled with this line of reasoning is the idea that the
program must be "geared" to their level. Unless there is something
presented that is specifically and exclusively "for them," we conclude
that it is a waste of our children's valuable time for them to attend
meetings with us.

Furthermore, in addition to the obvious intellectual limitations which

are characteristic of children, the physiological difficulties present yet
another dimension of the problem. That is, we have perhaps convinced
ourselves that our children are simply incapable of tolerating the strain of
sitting with us in such meetings. They become fidgety to a greater or
lesser degree, sometimes noisy, and perhaps they have to go to the
restroom. Their feet don't reach the floor when they sit on adult-size
chairs, so they get uncomfortable and bored. So we ask ourselves
whether it makes for a "decent and orderly " service when we have
children creating disturbances which they are physically incapable of
avoiding. And it turns out that nobody is happy: the children because
they are bored, and the adults because they are irritated. Everyone should
be happy, satisfied and enjoying himself, we argue, so there must be
something wrong. And as if our own children were not enough of a

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concern, what if we had children in the meeting whose parents did not
come? Then what? Would we expect some of our own people to assume
responsibility for them, as well?

All of these are certainly legitimate concerns, and probably most

thinking Christians have considered these issues and others as specific
situations have presented them. Unfortunately, the conclusion to which
many have come is that the solution lies somewhere in the area of
removing the children from their view. Let them have "church" by
themselves, and let us have "church" by ourselves. That way we will all
be happy and satisfied about our "church experience." But this approach
seems to rest on a number of false or at least unsound assumptions, both
with regard to the nature of the church, its calling, the reasons why it
gathers, and with regard to the nature of children themselves. The result
is that while the problem may be treated cosmetically so that things are
more orderly and tidy, other significant matters of concern are not given
the attention they deserve. It appears that the "children's church"
approach must be challenged on several levels.

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 Observations:

I. Children are usually not the most qualified judges of their

own wants and needs.

It is possible, if not likely, that much of the discussion that favors

some form of special children's program proceeds on the assumption that
the primary consideration must be the wants and needs of children as
they themselves perceive them. Concerns about children's inability either
to identify with or participate in the meeting of the church, while they are
legitimate concerns, often receive their greatest impetus from the
children themselves. Parents are sometimes too quick to accept the
validity of their complaints. Or, we suppose that the mere fact that they
are complaining necessitates a change that will bring things around to
their point of view. One of the strangest things about Christian parents is
that, while we refuse to admit that our children's judgment is infallible
about almost everything else, when it comes to their opinions about what
is going on in the services of the church, we are willing to take the
position that their assessment of things is valid. What they have decided
they want or need becomes the starting point for all discussion about
children in the church. When they tell us that they like hot-dogs but they
hate liver, we would not think of feeding them hot-dogs three times a
day. When they tell us that they think they need more T. V. and less
school, we understand that this is childish reasoning that lacks
experience and wisdom. When they decide that they think it would be
good for students in the classroom to have as much freedom as they
want, and that teachers should not have authority in the classroom, we
recognize that these ideas would do no one any good. The point is that
children, as long as there have been children, have never been short on
ideas about what they like and dislike. But of course this is because they
are children, and it is why they have parents. Simplistic as it may be, we
need to keep it in mind that children are not adults, and it is a mistake to
treat them as such. This means that they are not equal to adults. One of
the reasons the Book of Proverbs is in the Bible is that parents are
parents and children are children, and the one group are to provide
direction and counsel to the other group. This is sometimes called
"discipline," and while we would all like it to be a pleasant and enjoyable
process, the Bible acknowledges that more often than not, it is just the
opposite.

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 II. Children suffer from a problem that goes much deeper
than just being children.

The tension we are concerned about here is not so much between

immature children and the adult activity in which they find themselves,
as it is between unbelievers and the believing community among whom
they are scattered. The believing community comes together in its
meetings to do what only believers can do. Yet, in the course of doing
that, it must recognize that unbelievers are bound to be present. In other
words the problems we face are not so much concerned with children as
children, but children as unbelievers. Therefore, in any attempt to
address these problems, what we are really dealing with (in most cases)
is the problem of unregenerate persons among us. Should it become the
church's policy to remove unregenerate persons (or persons who have not
declared themselves by word of mouth or conduct of life to be believers)
from its corporate meetings for worship, fellowship, prayer and
instruction? Should the meetings of a believer’s church be primarily
oriented toward believers, or unbelievers? Does the general pattern of
New Testament church order suggest a structure that would resemble a
departmentalized Sunday school, providing a multi-level program for
various groupings according to age? A gospel church consists of people
who have believed the gospel, have been baptized as believers, and have
been added to the church so that they may continue steadfastly in the life
and ministry of the church (Acts 2:41,42). The New Testament vision is a
called out gathering of believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, many of whom
had unbelieving spouses, parents, children, other relatives, and friends
who may or may not have gathered with them.

III. The church, according to the New Testament, is manifestly a

believer’s church.

The primary issue here clearly has to do with the nature and calling
of the church. The purposes for which a church gathers are purposes
which are calculated to serve the interests and needs of believing people.
The gathering of the church is not first and foremost an evangelistic
enterprise, although evangelism should and will occur. But the primary
functions of the gathered church, under the worship of God, are such as
are outlined in Ephesians 4:1-16 and I Corinthians 14:26-40. One of the
complications which any kind of children's church format eventually

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introduces is the notion that there is some kind of third category of
people who are neither believers nor unbelievers. They are perhaps
treated as "believers-in-training," and soon enough they begin to think of
themselves that way. If their entire church-related experience encourages
them to think that creating an institution just for them makes their
worship, their praying, their singing, their activities, etc., acceptable to
God apart from any definitive break with sin and commitment to Christ,
where does this leave them? But more importantly perhaps, where does it
leave the church? Admittedly, much evangelistic effort is put forth in
many such programs. But it is all done in the context of a program that is
designed to make it possible for those who are manifestly "out" to be
considered "in." This is an unfortunate tendency with some adults, who
continue in an external attachment to a church body long enough without
ever offering any decisive confession of faith in Christ, with the result
that they acquire the status of church members in some sense. They
participate in decision making and exercise influence in numerous ways,
often commanding more votes than do the members of the church! Many
members of the church may be influenced by them and thus unwittingly
turn over the authority of the church to those who are really outside.
This is bad enough and creates its own problems, but it borders on the
irresponsible to structure a program within the church that tends to foster
this way of thinking in the minds of children. It is no wonder that we
have many people who seem to be neither “fish nor fowl,” neither in nor
out, neither for Christ nor against him, and who sense no necessity to
declare themselves one way or the other.

IV. In the fourth place, there is the question of what the children
are learning.

It is often argued that children do not learn anything in the meetings

of the church, therefore it is a waste of time to have them sitting there
"vegetating." But the issue does not appear to be that children learn
nothing in adult or believer-oriented meetings while they do learn in
child-oriented meetings. It is not a question of "if" or "whether," but
"what?" No one would deny that teaching that is specifically directed to
children, and presented in such a way that children can assimilate it, is
easier for them to understand than a sermon prepared for and presented
to mature Christians. There is no argument there. That, however, is not
the point. The point is that, since they are learning something regardless

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of the environment, we ought to be concerned about what they are
learning. What do children assimilate from having assembled with a
group of believing people? What do they assimilate from having
gathered by themselves while their parents and other believers have
gathered elsewhere? Regardless of how much or little they understand
the exposition of Scripture, what impressions are being left indelibly
traced upon their hearts and minds? Are they coming to appreciate the
fact that gathering with God's people, studying God's Word, worshiping
God, learning more about what it means to be a Christian, and the like,
are among the most important interests their parents have? Are they
learning that their parents want them there with them, learning to respect
and reverence the Lord Jesus Christ and His body? Are they learning that
it is indispensable that the whole church be together in one place? Are
they learning respect and appreciation for the leaders of the church, those
who minister the Word of God and have the oversight? Are they learning
what a serious commitment it takes to give your heart and life to Jesus
Christ, as evidenced by the presence all around them of people who have
done just that? These are the things that children need to learn. These are
the things that will prove to have a godly impact on their lives.

It also needs to be said in connection with this point that parents and
adults generally are too willing to capitulate in the face of their children's
insistence that they are bored or that they cannot understand anything. If
we expect them to get nothing, they will probably get nothing. If we
expect them to be bored, they will probably be bored. Perhaps children
are capable of understanding more than they would like us to believe.
Perhaps we should expect more of them, encourage them to pay closer
attention and behave themselves. Without a doubt, the ministry of the
Word is an exceedingly difficult task. But we must recognize that its
difficulty lies on both ends of the process, with speaker and hearer alike.
It should not be out of the question to ask children to put forth some real
effort. Part of the reason we do not require this of them is that we do not
require it of ourselves. We may have to admit that, in some respects at
least, we are little more than oversized children ourselves. All of the
excuses we use now were probably learned when we were still very
young, and we should be able to recognize them for what they are.

V. Parents are responsible to teach and train their children.

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 This is the all important dimension of parental responsibility. Clearly
the New Testament does not address the matter of the church's corporate
responsibility to its children. It does not offer guidelines or fresh ideas
for setting up specialized ministries for children and youth. There is no
cluster of epistles which we can classify as the "Children's Epistles."
Early believers apparently did not regard the gospel as age or group
specific. It was from early childhood that Timothy had learned the holy
scriptures (II Timothy 3:15). It was not a child’s version of the Bible, but
the Bible itself. Today we have as many age-, group-, gender-, and need-
specific Bibles as publishers can market and sell. But God’s people
knew better than this in former day. On the contrary, such tendencies
toward “grouping” people were discouraged. But the New Testament
does address Christian parents with reference to the rearing of their
children. Certainly we would immediately think of the teaching in
Ephesians 6:1-4 and Colossians 3:20, 21. We might also think of the
remarks on "discipline" in Hebrews 12, and in terms of the scope of the
whole Bible there is the very positive counsel of the Book of Proverbs as
well as the examples, both negative and positive, found in the lives of
various Bible characters. The way that Paul reflected upon the
upbringing of Timothy should not go unnoticed. And certainly the
prevailing emphasis in Old Testament days was upon parental
responsibility to acquaint their children with the ways and works of God
(Deuteronomy 6). And yet it was not unheard of, when the law of God
was publicly read, for children to be present with their parents and all the
congregation of Israel to listen to the reading and explanation of it.
Furthermore, they were expected to learn and follow carefully what was
presented to them (Deuteronomy 31:12,13). They had to hear it all, the
curses along with the blessings (Joshua 8:34,35). Children were
evidently considered to be among those who were able to understand
(Nehemiah 8:2,3).

So while we may wonder about it just a bit, it should not surprise us

to find that the Lord Jesus, in His teaching ministry, seems to have paid
very little special attention to children. He had some things to say about
children (Matthew 18:1-14; 19:13, 14; 21:14-16), but it is difficult to find
any indication that He actually took special pains to address His teaching
in such a way that the simplest child could understand it. As a matter of
fact, Jesus often taught with parables, which were designed to conceal
the truth about the kingdom of heaven from unbelieving minds.

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 Without a doubt, much more could be said in connection with this
principle, particularly in developing the implications of the statement,
"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the
training and instruction of the Lord." To do this, however, would lead us
too far afield of our present and immediate interest. Suffice it to say,
then, that the church has no biblical reason to consider itself obligated to
raise children for God. The primary responsibility rests upon parents, and
it appears that the battle for our children's hearts, minds and lives will be
decided, not in the church, not even in the Christian school, but in the
home. Parents and others who do not understand this may clamor the
loudest in favor of the idea of children’s church. They may imply, if not
insist, that if we do not have a children’s church it can only mean that we
do not have a heart for children. Nothing could be further from the truth.
The loving and caring approach is to constrain our children to realize that
they are without hope and without God in the world until they are
prepared to commit their lives to Jesus Christ. Then, and only then, do
they become proper candidates for believer’s baptism and membership in
a believer’s church. It does not serve them well to create artificial
categories for them that in the end will likely create false and misleading
notions in their minds about their true standing before God.

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 Alternatives

Everyone should understand that raising children for God is a

painfully difficult task. It is a process that, despite its obvious joys and
blessings, can be very frustrating and discouraging. We must not think
that it suddenly becomes easy when we are "in church." It is slow and
tedious going, and parents have to patiently learn along with their
children how to safely make their way through life. Parents who have
determined to follow Christ have their work cut out for them when they
have children who have not determined to follow Christ. So when we
talk about the place of children in the church, there is no sense in looking
for an easy way. There is no easy way. But if keeping our children with
us in our meetings is an option, difficult as it may be, perhaps we need to
be encouraged to work at it so that they will be more positively and
lastingly impressed. Here are some suggestions.

I. For one thing, we can accept the fact that we simply have to keep
after our children.

They need to be encouraged constantly to behave themselves, pay

attention, sit still, be quiet, etc. We should not think of this as a strange or
unusual concept, just because we are talking about a church setting. If it
is clear to our children that we have struck a course with respect to our
participation in the fellowship of the local church which is consistent
with our lives as they see us, chances are that they will follow us. Even
very young children will respond. Everyone knows that children learn by
example, and they are often eager to imitate their parents. This is why
our attitude about everything is so critically important. If we decide that
something is unbearable, our children will readily agree with us and find
it unbearable, too. If we find it thrilling and exciting, our positive
attitude will not be lost on them. One of the hard realities of parenting is
that most child problems are not really child problems at all. They are
more often than not parent problems. Many parents are lazy and short on
patience. They do not have a long term goal for their children in spiritual
matters, and no program to implement. Their children grow up like
weeds, as perhaps their parents did before them. Many parents are very
attentive to their children’s educational, financial, and career
opportunities. But they have no heart to prepare them for eternity.

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II. Secondly, it is both useful and important to keep the pace moving
in our meetings.

No one derives any benefit from sitting around waiting for the
meeting to begin long after it is scheduled to begin. Lengthy "dead spots"
during the course of the service, in which nothing in particular is
happening, can be agonizing, and unnecessarily so. If people are
supposed to be giving testimonies, why is no one doing so? If people are
supposed to be praying, why is no one praying? If people are supposed
to be singing, why are some not singing? And of course it is largely up to
the leaders to see that the meeting does not drift aimlessly. Sometimes
we have to step back and ask ourselves why we do the things we do. For
example, why do we sit and listen to organ music long after the offering
has been collected? It has to be said that those who minister the Word
are often at fault when they prolong their messages beyond what is a
reasonable amount of teaching time. On the other hand, it is possible to
restrict the sermon time so much that it is impossible to develop the
teaching of any text, including John 11:35! There is also the necessity of
finding the biblical ground between extremes of formality and
informality in the conduct of a service. The Holy Spirit is not restricted
to either one or the other, but he may be quenched in both. In any case,
the services of a gospel church should be crisp, fresh, and alive to reflect
the new life in Christ that the members claim to possess. This is what we
want our children to come to desire for themselves.

III. As a third suggestion, we can talk to our children about the

services.

It goes without saying that we ought to talk to them about the Bible
message that is presented, but that is not all. There is nothing wrong with
discussing the overall tone of the meeting. What impressed them the
most? What impressed them the least? What impressed them in a positive
way? in a negative way? What did they think when so-and-so prayed for
the children? What did they think about so-and-so's word of praise? How
do they account for the way so-and-so-else is handling his or her
particular problem? How should they have been helped by any of this?
What impressions did the music make on them? Did they understand
what we were singing and why? When the announcements were given,
did it make them look forward to anything in particular? Do they think

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that all of these things having to do with “church” are in any way special
and important? Did they notice that people were as attentive and
involved as they could be? Did they miss anyone today who was absent
from the meeting? Clearly the burden of responsibility lies with parents
and adults, and it is a heavy burden to bear. It requires a major
commitment and you have to make it for the long haul. But shame on us
if we excuse ourselves from it by simply deciding that we need children’s
church.

IV. Fourth, children can be encouraged to take notes when the

pastors are teaching the Word.

Admittedly, this is something that many adult believers are not

willing to do, but it can be very useful and stimulating to a child's mind.
Can they be expected to listen for and write down one or two main ideas?
Surely this is not too much to ask. Even very young children can be
assigned a key word to listen for ahead of time, and helped to make a
mark each time they hear that word mentioned. Children can easily get
excited with anticipation of hearing the word they are waiting for. The
pastor can easily select a few words in advance of the service and these
words can be included in the church bulletin. Or they can be asked to
write down three words that they did not understand, or all of the books
of the Bible that were mentioned, or any of a number of other things that
would help them to treat this as a worthwhile way to spend their time.
Admittedly, some preachers object to people taking notes, but it is often a
helpful habit to develop because it assists people in their efforts to keep
pace with the message. Children are no exception to this and can benefit
from such a practice.. Young children can even be asked to draw a
picture of something that is suggested by the message. Some have even
been known to draw sketches of the preacher himself!

V. And fifth, they can always be encouraged to ask questions, not

only of their parents, but of the pastors as well.

Pastors work hard to make themselves understood, but everyone

knows that often they do not succeed to the extent that they and their
hearers wish they could. Often when they present what they have
prepared to teach, some may hear things they did not say, and fail to hear
things they did say. Gospel communication is a grave responsibility as

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well as a high and holy calling. We aim at being understood. Ministers
of the Word of God are never gratified more than when someone,
especially a young person, comes to them and asks a question about what
they have taught from the Scriptures. In most cases, they are parents, too,
who want with all their hearts to bring their children along with them
into God's kingdom by way of the cross of Jesus Christ. Preachers are
helped to correct their mistakes when people ask them questions. They
find out how best to present the truth when they know they are being
understood. Most preachers appreciate it when their hearers give them
some indication that they are connecting. They know that God has called
them to preach and teach in a congregation of people, some of whom are
quite limited in their ability to grasp truth. So when children or anyone
one else come to them in response to their ministry, they are gratified.

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