WILD GO OSE

VOLUME 1 / RETURN TO E DE N

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If you want to get warm you must stand near the fire:

if you want to be wet you must get into the water.

If you want joy, power, peace, eternal life,

you must get close to,

or even into, the thing that has them.

- C.S Le w is -

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 [wahyld-goos]
Origin; Term used by the Ancient Celt’s for the Holy Spirit

Understanding from scripture and from life experience,

that God was not someone we could move to our desires,

but rather someone who is beyond us.

He is someone who we need to pursue not subdue.

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Art by Janet Raja
A Welcome
We at Wild Goose want you to open these pages, slow down to a place of rest,
breathe, and let Holy Spirit take you into a deeper place with the Trinity.

Just let the words, stories and creative spaces of Art and Photography
bring you closer to the Father.

We encourage you to open your hearts to knowing that the Father loves you and
is for you in every walk of your life. He wants relationship with you and
spending time with you is His heart’s desire.

In our different paths we all have our own things going on that get us up in the
morning. We are a community of believers who live for relationship with God
first. He made us to grow in creativity and worship Him through it.

He has put creativity in all of us.

We encourage you to journal His voice as you spend time with Him,
so you can look back and see what He has been saying to you.

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Contents
Dreaming With God Page 9
A Private Audience In Wonder Page 10
The Return To Eden Page 15
Reaching Page 16
Beyond The Boundaries Page 18
Divine Courage Page 21
Walking Towards Community Page 22
A Chat With Will Reagan Page 24
The Big Plan? Page 26
Borderless Faith Page 28
Practice Life In Colour Page 31
Christ In Me Page 32
Soil And Soul Page 33
Tipping The Scales Page 38
Who Do You Say I Am? Page 40
Story On A Plate Page 43
Finding Your Fight Page 46
Naked Is Sacred Page 48
Unbridled Devotion Page 52
Green Cleaning Recipe Page 58
Sugar Plum Cake Recipe Page 60
Productivity Versus Fruitfulness Page 62
Garden Of Delight Page 64
Where Sky And Water Meet Page 66
Take Courage Page 68
8
 Dreaming
With God
Written By Lorraine McNeilly // Photography by Joel McNeilly
When the Father speaks you cannot help but take note, sit up and listen. Right from the beginning of our OpenSkies
adventure, we knew it was something that came from God’s heart; His idea; His plan.
When my husband Paul and I were in England, during
a busy tour with the lovely guys from United Pursuit, I
took myself off to have a quiet walk through the fields of
Wiston Estate, West Sussex. The Lord spoke directly into
my spirit and breathed the words: I need your yes to do a
new thing in Ireland. It is worship and will be family, a
restoration for many. A festival as a retreat for others to
come to be in My presence.
I would love to report that I went skipping off to Paul to
tell him straight away but I needed to process it first. I
reluctantly, eventually told him. We had just came out
of running a Christian festival, which was a hard place
for us and we had previously decided we would just stick
with bringing worship into Ireland through individual
smaller events with less risk.
God had other plans.
I had decided to return home while Paul continued on
with the tour. They were in Manchester with Vinelife and
Shawn Bolz was speaking at this same event. Shawn is an
author and has an incredible gifting in the prophetic and
specifically words of knowledge. He came straight over
to Paul and confirmed what God had spoken to me days
before: We were to run a prophetic worship festival in
Ireland the following year. In the days after, God put on
Paul’s heart that it was to be a pilot episode for the first
year – To start small and allow the Lord to form it as it
grew. The name came and a rough plan was made.
The journey began.
As we opened our home and the word got out about
what we were doing, God brought people into our living
room in support of the vision and we discovered that
every denomination was spoken for. We were blown
away by His presence and began to see a glimpse of what
He had in store. He moved through that room with His
spirit speaking to our spirit, and people from traditional
backgrounds began speaking in tongues and prophesying
whilst not knowing what was happening as they had not
experienced it before. We just kept showing up, letting
God guide the way. We had tried making plans in the past
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but God was graciously guiding us in a different direction.
It was then that we knew God was doing a new thing. He
spoke the gift of unity over OpenSkies. It was to look like
family and it was to be for all of His church right across the
denominations, from the South of Ireland to the North;
Protestant and Catholic alike, all united with the common
heart to be in the presence of the Father.
Holy Spirit was already pursuing our children Amy and
Joel, having experience of Him through dreams and
physical encounters. I will leave that for now as maybe
sometime they themselves can write about all that
happened. To be honest it was all very beyond me and all
I could say is ‘I trust you Jesus, You see what I cannot see’,
bowing low at His magnitude; Surrendering the fear of not
being the right people to do this; Battling whether we had
heard right! We cannot fully take credit for their path in
saying Yes to God. In fact they have taught us so much
about faith and I am in awe of the connection they have
with God. Amy and Joel and now Andy (Amy’s husband)
are a joy to us and inspire us in so many ways.
Love is the essence of all we do.
OpenSkies Festival began in 2014 at Shane’s Castle,
Antrim and has now grown so far beyond this one
weekend of worshippers uniting; It has become a family
of adventurers, inspiring each other to live in pursuit of
God’s voice and release a Kingdom culture in our own
spheres of influence. God has been faithful and what he
has spoken has come to pass, and so much more. Even at
our monthly worship nights in Belfast, almost half of the
attendees are from the Republic of Ireland. Revival looks
like unity in family.
The one thing I would say is to dream big. We started with
a whisper from the Father to have one Festival, and that
community has birthed monthly worship nights, worship
collectives who are writing and releasing records, retreats,
OpenSkies Missions to other nations, this book itself and
much more; and we’re still dreaming! He isn’t finished
with us yet, and He isn’t finished with you.
What are the dreams in your heart?
Psalm 18:16-19
Photography By Matthew Blair

But me He caught—reached all the way

from sky to sea; He pulled me out

Of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos,

the void in which I was drowning.

They hit me when I was down,

but God stuck by me.

He stood me up on a wide-open field;

I stood there saved—surprised to be loved!

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 A private
audience in
wonder
Written By Lorraine McNeilly

Sunlight shines through my window

I find it in nature.
Wind movement in trees.
In oceans and river flow
Wonder of my inner peace
Lifegiving deep friendships

When I sit in expectation to meet You,

I sit alone.
I want Your thoughts to become my thoughts,
I sit waiting –

Explore my mind, my soul;

Mend what is broken
Make come alive what needs stirring

I sit in wonder of God who creates and rules the universe

and all that is within it.
And I sit alone –
Waiting for a private audience.
That is wonder.

{wonder: a feeling of amazement, admiration; caused by

something beautiful, remarkable.}

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Art by Hannah12Marie McGrath
13
The one I love calls to me: Arise, my dearest. Hurry, my darling. Come away with me!
I have come as you have asked to draw you to my heart and lead you out. For now is
the time, my beautiful one. The season has changed, the bondage of your barren winter
has ended, and the season of hiding is over and gone. The rains have soaked the earth
and left it bright with blossoming flowers. The season for singing and pruning the
vines has arrived. I hear the cooing of doves in our land, filling the air with songs to
awaken you and guide you forth. Can you not discern this new day of destiny breaking
forth around you? The early signs of my purposes and plans are bursting forth. The
budding vines of new life are now blooming everywhere. The fragrance of their flowers
whispers, “There is change in the air.” Arise, my love, my beautiful companion, and
run with me to the higher place. For now is the time to arise and come away with me.
For you are my dove, hidden in the split-open rock. It was I who took you and hid you
up high in the secret stairway of the sky. Let me see your radiant face and hear your
sweet voice. How beautiful your eyes of worship and lovely your voice in prayer. You
must catch the troubling foxes, those sly little foxes that hinder our relationship. For
they raid our budding vineyard of love to ruin what I’ve planted within you. Will you
catch them and remove them for me? We will do it together.

Song of Songs 2:10-15 - The Passion Translation

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 The Return to Eden
Written by Amy Blair
Every morning He calls me to ‘Come Away’. Often bleary eyed
and half asleep I begin the pilgrimage to the water’s edge;
the very act of the journey sparking expectation and igniting
hope for what Papa has in store.
As I pass the queues of overloaded ones rushing into their
overloaded days, I am thankful that He is helping me to learn
to rest; to prioritise living from a place of peace over all
things. I allow myself to feel fully and prepare for the secret
place: How is my heart? Who do I need to forgive? What do
I need to surrender?
As I cross the bridge and the sound of hustling dwindles,
I can’t help but exhale in respite. It has almost become a
liturgical surrender of burdens as I step under the towering
Sycamore trees that shelter the path to my sanctuary; it feels
like coming home. I submit my every sense to awaken to the
beauty around me – the authentic melody of nature’s song
permeating my pores and compelling my being: mind, body
and soul, to bloom. I don’t have to do anything but come and
I find myself coming alive.
It took me a long time to arrive here but there is immeasurable
peace in the stillness; having no distractions. No technology
or social media; no television; none of life’s pressures or
demands; no expectations or performance; no DOING….
Just BEING. So many times I have been overwhelmed when
peace was just a moment away.
Be still and know that He is God.
Every time I come I say the same thing:
Here I am Papa.
Speak to me.
I can only imagine what it was like for Adam and Eve to walk
through the Garden with the Father. To talk to Him and hear
Him speak back so clearly. To be in union with Him without
life’s clutter.
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The Garden of Eden (Eden meaning ‘delight’) was set apart
as a sacred space for God’s communion with humanity. God
said in Genesis 1:31 that it was ‘very good’ and therefore
it was without defect. Adam and Eve were living in perfect
conditions – the perfect temperature, with their every need
met. There was no opportunity for distraction from their
‘delight’ in the Lord and His ‘delight’ in them. The garden was
a place of euphoric innocence: void of sin and consequently
void of guilt and shame. Imagine living a life free from the
possibility of failing; living with unbridled devotion and pure
conscience. This was how the Father intended our lives to be.
As I sit in my Garden of Delight, I fix my eyes on the Father,
coming close enough to hear His whisper and longing to
hear the secrets of Heaven. In this moment I return to Eden,
abandoning the weight of obligation and immersing into the
refuge where anxiety cannot abide. The more I come away,
the more I know Him and the more I know Him the easier it is
for me to exist in that Eden state of union without physically
removing myself; To close my eyes and find myself in the
secret place anytime, anywhere.
Pause in His presence.
There’s an invitation for you to Come Away and really drink
deep of His peace; To give Him all of your attention.
Everything of value in your life begins in His presence,
birthed by the sound of His voice. So many things in life battle
for your devotion but you have to respond by prioritising
connection with the Father; allowing Him to align your heart
and mind with His.
Think about the place where you feel most at peace: Where
do you find Him? Go there. Make space for Him to show you
the joy in union with Him. Walk and talk with Him as Adam
and Eve walked and talked with Him.
Come Away to the Secret Place.
Return to Eden.
 Reaching
Written by Richard Porter // Photography by Paul Verner

Are you there?

I am here
Yes, but are you there?
I said I was here
Oh, so you are here?
Yes, I am there
But are you here?
I am there
Where are you?

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 I am here
Well, so am I
But you said you were there
Aren’t you there?
No, I am here
But I am here
Are we both here?
Yes, we’re both there
Then why do you seem so far away?

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 Beyond the
boundaries
Team discussion led by John McGrath and Denise Leal // Notes by Hannah Marie
McGrath // Photography by Matthew Blair

Courage is harder to own than slavery because slavery is easier to inhabit.

…
To be challenged is to have courage and hope for the future. Slavery has you sit
in complacency, where your identity is not known or seen because you must
grow INTO your true self which takes courage.
…
Shame is the chain of slavery driven by fear.
…
Your allegiance must be with the Father in which case you refuse shame, hope
in your true identity, then take courage to go beyond the boundaries imposed
by family, culture or heritage.
…
There is a cost - familiarity which is connected to safety; To let go of familiarity
is to accurately hope and trust in your Father and your identity in Him/His
family; To be unfamiliarly familiar with your sacrificial life is to know the
disciples walk and Jesus’s life, and to know to gain it all would be worth nothing.
…
To be a fool is sometimes to be the most wise. If you cannot see both sides
of humanity, you are not sitting equally in humility, which takes the most
courage; to sit in your identity and call forth others identity as well- which was
Jesus’s ministry.
…
Community is key because that takes vulnerability and safety. Encouragement
must reside in a shared spirit/family. Community and courage go hand in hand.
Excavate brokenness from each other, call forth their true identity, sit with
them while they break and grow. All takes courage, identity, and community.
Honest communication takes an honest community and an honest community
takes vulnerable people. Vulnerable people choose unfamiliar familiarity only
through/in courage.
…
Jesus’ ministry was loving the unlovable and inviting people to that reality is
what true community is.
…

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Divine Courage
Writing by Nelson Thomas Raja // Art by Janet Raja
When God called our family to move to India
it sounded so exciting at first. After adopting
an abandoned baby girl in 2006, we knew that
one day we wanted to build a rescue centre for
vulnerable children. We knew that there was
an increasing need for such a place to exist.
When God called us, our four children were
very young. Solomon was 11, Lydia 9, Phoebe
7 and Zipporah was just 5 years old. Janet, my
wife had just had three consecutive major spinal
surgeries. Her doctor’s advice was that she should
not travel. She was unable to complete her duties
as a paediatric nurse due to her surgeries. My
boss told me that I was stupid to remove my little
kids from school and take them overseas. Giving
up my job in Social Services was also deemed
irresponsible and a serious mistake.
In many other ways circumstances were not
suitable for us to go to India, but in June 2012,
we said ‘Yes’ to God and moved to India.
The moment we arrived in India we were
challenged. First it was our finances, which dried
up and we found ourselves with no money, no
support and no work. To help us out, my mum
sold her house and gave us some money so we
were able to survive on that.
Then our marriage came under attack.
Almost every aspect of our lives came under
some form of attack. But we held on to the call
that God had given us, and He held us when
everything seemed to break around us.
In 2015 we were given land in Hosur (just south
of Bangalore, in South India). This land was
located directly opposite to our family home.
While we were starting to dig out the foundations
for a water supply, nearly thirty men from our
community suddenly descended on our gates.
They started shouting obscenities at my wife. We
were so scared. These men were filled with rage
and we knew they would get violent if they had
to.
“How are you going to build an orphanage
here? You have no rights! We won’t allow this
to happen! We will chase you and your family
out of this place and we will feast upon the land
where you want to build an orphanage”.
These men were our neighbours and local
leaders.
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Then I claimed the word of God: Exodus 14:14 –
‘The Lord will fight for you. You need only stay
silent’.
We prayed as a family and God moved
miraculously on our behalf. One of the
ringleaders suddenly and without warning
turned on the other men and shouted at them for
protesting against people who were trying to do
good and protecting their abandoned children.
The local police superintendent then
unexpectedly called us into his office. He
checked out our papers. Then he called every
man who came to our house in protest. In front
of us he told them:
“If any of you come against these people while
they are building their children’s home, I will
personally come to your house and arrest you.
You have no right to stop what these people are
trying to do”.
The very next week the police sub-inspector
came right to our house (this is a huge thing
to do in India). He told my wife that he would
personally arrest anyone who tried to stop her
work. He then went and visited all the men who
had come against us and told them the same
thing.
God is awesome! He heard our prayers and He
raised up an army around us. The local villagers
became very aware of who we were. They
understood that we had the backing of the local
police force and they could no longer threaten
us. We stood our ground with courage knowing
that God had put a calling on us that we had to
fulfil.
Amen!!!!
To date, we have almost completed our Angel
House Children’s Rescue Centre. We knew
that only a supernatural courage would enable
us to overcome the obstacles that stood in our
way. We live in a really hard, militant, anti-
Christian place. It is actually known locally as
“the missionaries’ graveyard”, but God endowed
us with courage and enabled us to stand strong
when in human eyes it seemed impossible.
We have held on to our calling with courage.
Without divine courage we could have never
made it this far.
 Walking Towards
Community
It was a warm summers day in Belfast.
As a fifteen-year old girl working out her
independent streak I took myself off into the
city centre for some retail therapy. I remember
standing in the middle of Topshop looking
for some holiday inspiration when I noticed
my friends coming down the escalator
towards me. Ordinarily this would be a lovely
surprise but according to their faces it was
an unwanted run-in. I stood there engaging
in polite, awkward conversation, willing the
intense pain in my chest not to make its way
onto my face or even worse my tear ducts.
I walked away from that meeting knowing
that I hadn’t been invited, that I had been
excluded in some way from this excursion
and to make matters worse my best friend in
the world was with them. I took solace in the
fact that she looked as uncomfortable as I felt,
so I decided to give her a call later to try and
find out what had happened. Maybe she had
just forgotten to invite me?
When I called however, she confirmed the
worst.
The rest of the group no longer wanted to be
my friend or hang out with me and so I would
need to find some new friends.
You can imagine the heartache this caused
me; the intense rejection it instilled in me and
the sense that I needed to isolate myself from
ever making a friend again.
I cried many, many tears and wondered how
I would ever move past it. Eventually the pain
subsided and I was able to think clearly again.
I couldn’t control their decision or change
their minds, but I could decide that it wouldn’t
affect my ability to have friends again.
That September I went back to school,
determined not to let this knock-back define
me and I found some new friends. They asked
the awkward questions (as only teenagers
can) of why I wasn’t hanging out with those
people anymore. I drudged up the pain again
for a moment in order to move on with the
new friends.
This happened fourteen years ago and I wish
I could say it hasn’t happened since, but
unfortunately, I am realising that rejection
and pain are a continuous part of life.
I don’t want to sound depressing but I do
Written by Stephanie Houston
want to embrace the reality of life. My hope
in sharing this is that you will discover, like
me, that community in its best and worst
is what we were designed for. When we are
connected intimately with those around us
we can achieve anything. We have the greatest
champions and family to pursue a thriving
life with.
Although I could have allowed this situation
to wreck my life or to set me on an isolated
path, somewhere deep inside I knew that
wasn’t what I was created for.
A few years after this experience and another
couple of similar experiences later, I found
myself in a new community, in a different
country, unable to find any friends. I felt so
isolated and I couldn’t understand why.
I realised two things at this moment;
1) I had allowed the fear of rejection to
become so big in my life that I could no longer
even ask someone to hang out with me.
2) That although it was painful. I still
desperately wanted to be in community. My
desire deep down was to be known.
When we love deeply we inherently open
ourselves up to pain and rejection. The people
who love us the deepest are the ones who have
the ability to hurt us the deepest. Not that
we ever want to hurt those we love, but we
are only human and we all make mistakes. I
have hurt people through my own words and
actions and vice versa.
Throughout the bible we see examples of
people being hurt or rejected by those closest
to them: Naomi with Ruth, Saul and David,
then Jesus with Peter. Jesus knew that Peter
would doubt Him. He called it out and still
loved him. He knew his human weakness and
He still embraced him and called him brother.
In fact, he was one of the closest disciples to
Jesus.
Wow! All too often I have been in a place
where I have felt so hurt that I have walked
away. I have rejected someone else because
they were too human. They doubted me or
my intention towards them, but what if we
embraced like Jesus? What if regardless of
peoples’ mistakes and human nature we still
chose to love and embrace
22 them?
Fourteen years after that first run-in, my best
friend and I are still that - best friends. We
realised that we meant more to each other
than the hurt that had been caused that
summer. I would also argue that she is still
my best friend because that pain actually
brought us closer together. It created a deeper
understanding for one another.
Maybe you need to forgive someone? Maybe
you need to set aside your hurt to pursue
connection? Or maybe you need to create
space with someone? Whatever it is, take
courage! Walk towards your community and
know that you were designed for connection
and love.
So how do we recover? How do we move on?
How do we continue to live in community
when it seems to cause so much pain?
Grieve, talk, forgive and move forward.
GRIEVE
I said at the beginning that the rejection I felt
left me wanting to be isolated, to never be
friends with someone again. That pain comes
in those moments and we need to allow
ourselves to feel it but then we also need to
know when its right to push through it and
reconnect with those people.
TALK
Confrontation is horrible. Nobody likes
it, even the extroverts (I promise) but it
is necessary if we want to understand and
be understood. We need to recognise that
confrontation actually shows courage and
shows the other person that they mean more
to you than the pain I am currently feeling.
FORGIVE
Sometimes this is easy. It happens in the
confrontation when peoples motives are
revealed and intentions cleared up. Other
times it can take a while. It can look like a daily
process of reminding your heart and mind of
that person’s love for you and not allowing the
enemies lies to create strongholds.
I understand that often we can be hurt in
such a life altering way that relationship is no
longer possible. People break our trust and
we can no longer move forward in the same
way as before. That’s ok. I’m not trying to
convince you to reconcile in those moments
but we do need to learn how to have future
relationships and the same depth again.
Champion
Written by Amy Blair // Photography by Paul Verner

Community, it's vital for growth. It makes us

stronger to be loved deep. We weren't created to
exist by ourselves & we're better together. We need
people to love us when we're least loveable, to
believe in us when we don't believe in ourselves, to
jump with us when we're afraid to fall. Find your
tribe - look around you; who fills you with life,
encourages & champions you, doesn't leave when
things get hard? Choose your people well & ask
God who He wants you to run with in this season.

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Talking on
community
A Chat With Will Reagan by Stephanie Houston
Over the years travelling to different places you learn that it’s
actually rare to meet people you feel safe with.
Coming to Northern Ireland for some time now it has become
home away from home. There is a really low key vibe, which is
consistent to how we do life back home.
Keeping up relationally is a real challenge. As much as we can,
we have attempted to protect the pace of our lives.
We have learned to say no to the negotiable, and have space to
say yes to the non-negotiable.
There are a few people in your life that you stay connected
with. We are fond of saying, we started as a community but
now we have watched our relationship grow into family.
I don’t think true community and connection is something
that can be forced. I think it is something that has to be
demonstrated and that the culture is going to rub off on
people, and a willingness to watch the slow growth of
something really valuable.
It’s like a big old oak tree, it takes time and patience.
 The Big Plan?
Years of my teenage and young adult life
were spent in anguish:
“What is God’s will for my life?
What’s my calling?
What career should I work in?
What work can I do that will change the
world?”
These questions played on a constant
loop in my mind and I lived with a fear of
missing “It”: the burning bush moment,
the God-calling-Samuel-in-the-night
encounter. Church taught me that God had
a plan for our lives; to dream big; that we
could shake our nations and see miracles
and revivals; that we were born ‘for such
a time as this’. As a natural idealist and
romantic, this spurred me on to dream big
and wild and with abandon. (If you can’t
already tell, I tend to be quite ambitious,
big thinking, and just a tad dramatic!)
When I turned seventeen, I began working
part time in a local chain store and for the
next twelve years I worked in various roles
within the retail industry.
These jobs, however, plagued and unsettled
me. Surely this wasn’t my calling? How
could I change the world there? I spent
countless hours praying, asking for
revelation and direction and those years
were a constant see-saw between the
hope that things would improve and the
disappointment of my everyday reality.
God seemed to be silent on the matter.
My twenties afforded me some relief
from the frustrations of retail as I became
heavily involved in a local church. There
I got to divulge all of my creative dreams
and stirrings in writing songs, scripts
and monologues, acting in and directing
theatrical shows and overseeing a team of
actors, dancers, designers and performers.
“This must be it!” I thought. “This must be
my calling. This must be what I’m supposed
to do in the world!”
Except, after seven years we left that church
and all the ministry and sense of calling.
My late twenties became an unwanted
deep plunge into disappointment, loss,
heartache, disillusionment and unbridled
questioning. I tried to make sense of
the pain and disappointment of work,
unanswered prayer, church and the
relationships we had left behind.
Written by Ruth Anne McMillan
I felt stuck and stagnant. These turbulent
years forced me to confront long-held
worldviews and deeply-held fears. It felt
like an unravelling; like my life had gone
up in flames and I was left sitting alone
amidst the dust and smoldering aftermath.
I thought hopelessness would kill me. I
thought disappointment would haunt me
forever.
We don’t navigate disappointment well do
we? I’m unsure if it’s a cultural thing, or
just a human thing, but it seems we either
sink into jaded cynicism or we bury our
disappointment; negating the swelling
tide of heartache and confusion and loss
that breaks upon the shores of our hearts.
Church taught me to quietly take the pain
and loss to Jesus, to trust that something
good would come of the unravelling and to
seek a new direction. What do you do when
your trust in Jesus is at best, unsteady, and
the heavens seem silent?
The last couple of years have forced me
to stand and keep standing even with the
soundless damage of quiet heavens ringing
in my ears. After so many years of keeping
my hope and faith in front of me and
fear and disappointment unseen behind
me, I was forced to turn and confront the
darkness of pain, loss and hopelessness.
It didn’t kill me. It may have overwhelmed
me but it didn’t swallow me up. To be honest,
I’m still on this journey of navigating
disappointment; I’m still learning to trust
again. I’m less dispositioned to believe
there’s a grand calling for my life, but I
am learning to dream again. Colour is
beginning to wash over the monochrome.
I began writing again. I began drawing and
painting. I began teaching drama classes.
I began studying interior design. I began
turning up at my mother-in-law’s design
studio to watch and learn and work.
As I flicked through books of wallpaper
patterns, and ingested the most glorious,
evocative colours, tones and prints; as I ran
my fingertips over intricate embroideries
and elegant silks and heavy linens, I began
to feel the rusty hinges of my joy squeak
back into motion. Even amidst the daily
grind of retail, even amidst the loss and
disappointment, I discovered a tiny flicker
of life and hope. No, it hasn’t been all rosy
since then. Life hasn’t been an effortless
soaring up the mountain of victory and
triumph. It has been a dance of shadows;
traversing the tension between light and
dark, joy and sorrow, faith and doubt.
I started focusing less on some elusive
calling and instead, plugged into the
here and now, hearing the stories of my
workmates, appreciating the beauty of my
homeland and not feeling like I need all
of the answers. I’m learning how to love
people better. Learning how to be content.
Finding joy in the strokes of a pencil or in
the beautiful design of a room. I’ve found
that instead of holding out for elusive
answers, there are nuggets of nectar to
be found: small beads of beauty, truth, to
nourish and sustain us.
After an eventful few years, I was given a
proposal: to join Catherine (my mother-in-
law) in the design studio as an employee.
This was a thrilling and terrifying concept.
How could I take this plunge? I wish I
could say I spent days in the anguish of
prayer in order to seek direction, but I
didn’t. I followed my heart and instinct
to what I thought was right. If Jesus is in
me, and I take the time to pray and seek
wise counsel, then I trust that my heart will
lead me to a good decision. So, I leapt out
of the safety and familiarity of retail, into
the uncertainty of a new business venture.
This may or may not be my “calling”. I’m
not even sure I believe in the concept of
a “calling” anymore. I may or may not
change the world but I’m not as worried as
I once would have been. The immaturity
of my teenage years led me to believe that
there was a BIG PLAN for everyone and
we must discover it and fall in line with it.
Now I’m not so anxious about being on the
“right” path because I’ve looked darkness
in the face and not crumbled. I’ve sat with
disappointment, loss and a fractured faith
and it didn’t destroy me. Even throughout
calamity, confusion and chaos, somehow
“God is good.”
Every day I write, draw and pick out paint
colours and rummage through fabric
swatches because it stokes the fire in my
spirit. These acts of creativity are the
nuggets of nectar that I collect every day
and I love to share and impart these little
nuggets to clients and friends and family
and strangers along the way. Art, design,
colour and beauty have helped me navigate
the shadows of life, to find my way back to
the light.
27
 Borderless
Faith
By John McGrath // Photography by Hannah Marie McGrath
I remember praying one night, “God show me where the life
is.” I remember prayerfully sleepwalking through the usual
rhythms of the day. Sleep. Wake. Eat. Think. Complain.
Resting often seems easier when you feel in control. When
results are predictable, and safety is guaranteed. We love
mapping out the day in our own image. And often the
greatest casualties are missing a bus or burning the dinner.
Is this what it means to be human? Predictability, safety,
circling the known world and grasping for control? How
many of us have altogether abandoned the search for
something deeper? Do we long for the transcendent
expanse of unexplored terrain or the hope of something
bigger to give ourselves to? An effervescent reality beyond
the reach of our control or a little further beyond the limits
of our knowledge and experience lies the unknown. The
Great Mystery. The narrow road.
THE UNKNOWN
A friend said to me that true life is found when you have
one foot in order and the other foot firmly planted in chaos.
Chaos, symbolising the entire landscape of the unknown; the
realm of the possible, the immaterial reality where anything
can be made and lost. It is the space of waking dreams and
lofty vision; what is not yet and what could become. A
life lived in perfect order has not great stories to tell, but
a life lived solely in chaos does not live to tell any stories.
However, a life lived in between these two realities is Life
itself.
Our favourite stories always recount the hero’s journey
from safety to danger and adventure. The hero leaves the
accepted and weather worn wisdom of the tribe, the village,
the religion and ventures often naively into the unknown
world. To the far horizon where sky and water meet. Fear
always lay the threshold of the unknown and the known;
the safe and the unsafe; order and chaos.
Perhaps some of stopped when we sensed fear. Perhaps we
did not trust the inner guide inviting us to move beyond
our fear and into the blessing of mystery.
ON THE OTHER SIDE OF FEAR IS ALWAYS BLESSING
What pushes these heroes beyond what is safe, what is
known or what could be understood as rational, traditional
or predictable? My heart tells me that it is because these
things(the known world) grow too small. The heroine
28
realises these narratives which formed her, kept her safe
and oriented her understanding of the world were a crucial
part of her journey but they were not ends in themselves.
They were the container in which she could understand the
world, but they were not the entirety of the world herself.
This container which previously served to preserve, protect
and guide now cages, confines and restricts. The heroine
realises that the rich substance of life is found in what she
cannot control, understand or comprehend. From that
point, there is nothing left but to leave the safety of the
village and go on the journey.
THE VOYAGE
One of the founding stories of the Christian tradition
recalls the story of Abram. Abram and Sarah attain
everything promised by materialism. Safety. Security.
Financial stability and large retirement fund. And yet, God
invites them to leave all of it behind in search of a new
land, a promise in perpetuity and an inheritance not of this
world.
The Father is searching for those borderless, wild, free and
child-like people who do not take themselves too seriously or
hold on to anything to tightly.
Anything that cannot be thrown away easily is an idol. The
idol keeps you under its control. It stops you from moving
into freedom taking holy risks.
FAITH WITHOUT RISK IS DEAD
Jesus says, “He who loves his life will lose it and he who
loses his life for my sake will find it.” Here is the wisdom
of the foolishness.
Lean into the adventure. Be attentive to the things that do
not fall easily from your grasp.
Contend for freedom. The freedom that comes from
having nothing left to lose and nothing more to prove. The
freedom that persuades you to journey on for something
deeper, truer, nobler and fuller. To find life, we must first be
prepared to risk and lose it all.
Be attentive to the clarion call into the unknown. Do not
repress of the soft whisper of faith inviting you to pack up,
leave the village and go on the journey.
29
30
 Practice life in Colour
Written by Lorraine McNeilly // Art by Lorraine McNeilly and Hannah Marie McGrath
Honeysuckle and coffee is the aroma I have as I breathe and sit to
jot down a few thoughts to share with you. Its beautiful scent is
dancing through the air surrounding my senses into euphoria. It’s
either that or the coffee, but I’m going to go with the honeysuckle
as its scent is so intense and beautiful. I can have the pleasure of
drinking the coffee. Its needed, I always love that first cup, the
day can start… My thoughts are this that I have a noisy heart!
It is interesting to me that when I am busy and around people it
is less present a quietness to its voice. But when I find that place
of stillness my inner self seems to escalate into an orchestra of
pandemonium. I am certain I am not the only one to experience
it. Our lives are so full of visual content, from social media, to
overload with work issues or not even issues, Doing things that
we enjoy or projects that we love and are life giving to us still can
drown out the inner voice looking for rest. Its more and more
crucial we listen and lean in to what our mind, body and soul is
needing from us. Its life to lean in to clear the noise so Holy spirit
can root us, so we can grow as sons and daughters.
Over a lifetime of not enough awareness on learning how to be
healthy in my thoughts about myself. I have journeyed a path that
has brought me freedom and a confidence of who I am and who
God says I am. When I was younger I changed in ways many times
to become acceptable to others always in fear of rejection. Not
holding much worth in who I was back then. I still have to be
mindful of it and take any thoughts of unworthiness before the
Father and have had to practice how I can learn to listen to what
He thinks of me and who I am. We have been made by a creator
who has something to say about the person He himself created with
a mind, body and soul uniquely formed with beautiful intricacies
in all of us that makes us who He says we are! We have got to be
mindful of all three of these things. Always going forward seeking
Him, searching Him and finding Him to tell us who He says that
we are. It is no good use of time and life to whittle away without
truly leaning in and listening for what God has made us to be.
Our society tries to dictate to us what is the normal! Inside the
church and out of it. If you feel to the left or right of this it can be
debilitating. So God speaks in to that and says something much
different. We could all live our lives and get to the end without
truly knowing ourselves or our creator. Missing out on a fullness
of life that few have the audacity to look into. It is such a gift to find
Him and even more of a gift to have Him walk you through your
day to day stuff.
My natural position is to look for solitude with Duke (my lovely
Golden Retriever) by my side. I enjoy that immensely! However
Jesus calls us to live in community with others to love them. To
help each other grow to encourage and build up. There is a tension
there for me that I need to navigate sometimes badly sometimes
well. I know that Love is the essence of all that we do! Well it
should be. It should be something that we lean into, the Father is
the creator of love and is the source, so the closer you lean in to
Him the closer you will feel loved and start to know who you are.
Pray this prayer
Father you are at the centre of my heartbeat, You shape me in an intricate way bit by bit,
Let me walk into freedom Jesus, Let my heart beat with yours,
Let the things that keep me back fall away from me, and let me walk into my inheritance.
31
31
He guides us to truly know who He says we are, His confidence will
strengthen and help us grow in all of the fruits of Spirit. Love,
Peace, hope, patience, kindness goodness, gentleness, self control
and joy. Then from there we can love ourselves and others.
So how do we do get there? I had for many years ignored Him,
Chose other things and other people to guide me, learning from
others to navigate my way through this life. None of which
sustained me or let me truly grow. Until one day life got pretty
tough. I hit a time where I had no platform to stand on anymore
and everything that I knew to be true, suddenly felt alien and at
best was not working. Fear accompanied the bleakness and free
falling is a scary place to be. When all is stripped away, all the stuff,
all the people around us, all the things that occupy our days, what
is left is us standing there with a mind a body and a soul! Standing
before our creator especially when we hit suffering with nothing
to say. Thats where He leans back (on whatever that might be that
God leans back on) and says ok I can do something with this!
So He began, Slowly as I walked along with that inner pain, Jesus
reintroduced Himself to me in the most beautiful way. I can hardly
express how He pursued me, something much greater than I have
ever experienced, quite frankly what I experienced was the Love
of God.
He dramatically healed me of hopelessness so that I could go on
walking and from there He showed me a way of close relationship
with Him. Paul in 1 Cor ch 13 never changed the subject Pursue
Love, then the gifts. Go after the heart of Jesus, to love like Jesus.
His incredible peace which infiltrated my whole way of thinking
and gradually the more love that you receive the more love you
give out. It is for sure a process I am still walking in.
The world discovers, in the seasons its purpose.
John 10:10 says, ‘The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy, I
come that they may have life and life abundantly.’
These are the things we need to lean into to pursue and to practice.
The commands of Jesus, Love your God with all of your heart,
mind, strength and soul.
Love your neighbour.
Things to Practice
Joy, Hope, Kindness,
Cherish Truth, practice it!
The rhythm of Prayer, practice it!
Thankfulness, practice it!
Gather around you and be intentional with relationships.
Hospitality around a table is the essence of how Jesus lived.
Practice it.
Through good seasons practice these things.
Through seasons of pain practice these things.
Learn how to walk through the seasons of your life.
Christ in Me
Written by Richard Porter

Somewhere in my heart
there is a door
It leads to a secret place
a hidden place
Where the sun is always rising
and the summer evening
is still and calm

A place where I only keep

my treasured dreams
and store my most
precious moments

It’s the place I go

when I think of You
You are the only invited there
because that is where
You live in me

32
 Soil and Soul
Conversation with Michelle Wooderson McMurray // Photography by Hannah Marie McGrath and Amy Blair
HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD THE
ALLOTMENT FOR AND WHAT WERE
YOUR THOUGHTS ON CREATING IT?
I’d wanted my own piece of ground for a
long time. My husband Dave and I live in
a small apartment in Belfast with our two
cats and much as I love the simplicity of
our tiny home, I wanted to grow things
and be more self- sufficient. I wanted to
be hospitable. I wanted community. It
seemed that in getting an allotment those
things might all follow quite naturally. So
in August 2016 I took on a 300m2 derelict
plot and started dreaming and planning.
Prior to getting the allotment I had been
noticing deeply within myself a need to
get back to the land, the soil. I had a sense
that the closer I got to the soil the nearer
I’d get to God. I was and still am on a bit
of a spiritual deconstruction, rethinking
my theology, my life and how faith is
worked out. I was craving something
simple, grounded, ancient, liturgical,
rhythmic, holistic, peaceful and honest
- all of those things felt at odds with
what I was experiencing at church.
Evangelicals often don’t cope well with
doubt or those who express it, but I think
doubt is real and valuable and something
to be embraced for our deepening and
our growth. I love this poem by Yehuda
Amichai:
From the place where we are right
flowers will never grow in the spring.
The place where we are right
is hard and trampled like a yard,
but doubts and loves dig up the world
like a mole, a plough
My doubts and loves are shaking my
foundations and preparing the ground
for new life. I felt from the beginning
that the allotment would be a quiet place
to start restoring my soul - that it would
in some way mirror the spiritual road I
was on and that God would use it to say
things to me.
That’s exactly what happened.
My plan was, and still is to use the
allotment hospitably; it’s already
become a very social place. We often
have other plot holders and friends over
for campfire food, endless cups of tea,
great coffee and conversation. We’re in
the process of building a clay cob oven
on the plot so we can make pizzas using
what we’ve grown. I want to explore
a different way of living out faith and
connecting with God, people and the
environment. I suppose you could say
this is my allotment church.
DID YOU START WITH KNOWLEDGE
OF IT OR DID YOU HAVE TO
RESEARCH?
I wouldn’t say I knew anything at all!. I
read a few books, talked to people who
grew stuff, looked at allotments online
and with that limited knowledge I pretty
much threw myself straight in and then
realised it was going to be really, really
hard work!
WHAT WAS YOUR CHILDHOOD LIKE?
My mum and dad were both ordained
Anglican ministers. We lived in a really
socially deprived community and so our
house was a hub for all sorts of people
coming through the doors. It meant I got
33
used to sitting at the table with homeless
people, or schizophrenics, ex-prisoners,
African missionaries or bishops. We
treated everyone the same and so I didn’t
ever really understand social hierarchies
or learn to put people on pedestals. I
really like the fact that growing up I was
surrounded by all types of weird and
wonderful humans. I’m sure this has
made me more accepting of people who
are very different to me or who might
not be considered socially acceptable. I
think it also made me appreciate that it’s
perfectly OK not to conform to society’s
‘norms’.
Mum and Dad didn’t have much money
when we were growing up so the things
we needed were usually sourced from
charity shops or handmade. Mum was
extremely creative and could make us
brilliant things out of all sorts of rubbish
so I never realised we were actually poor.
Mum tells me that she and Dad saved up
for over a year to buy me a second hand
bike, which on day one I gave away to a
girl in my class at school who told me
she couldn’t afford a bike.
As far back as I can remember I
absolutely loved nature and animals and
used to land home with various ‘rescued’
creatures in distress, much to the distress
of my family. I also decided at a young
age that I couldn’t love animals and eat
them. I think in the 1970s I was the only
vegetarian I knew.
WHERE DO YOU FIND GOD?
Everywhere.
I see his character beautifully imprinted in nature
and creatures, in art and music, in landscapes
and forests and in the friends I have and people I
love - all the obvious places. But I would say he’s
sometimes easiest to find where there’s suffering
and poverty and hardship and loss. I can see him
there sometimes more clearly.
TELL ME ABOUT A TIME IN YOUR LIFE WHEN
YOU HAD TO HAVE COURAGE. HOW DID YOU
WALK THAT? DID YOU LEARN ANYTHING IN
THE PROCESS?
I don’t know if I’m particularly courageous. I often
find myself doing things that are quite counter-
cultural, just because I feel they’re the right thing
to do and when something’s right then I don’t
really care what people think. Some might call
this stupidity, but for me it has taken courage to
live by my values.
Seriously though, I’m not particularly courageous
but I work every day with people who are and
they teach me a lot. I work as a music therapist
with people who are dying. I sit with them and
listen to them and help them to create letters,
stories, and write songs or little books to be left for
their children after they have passed away. It can
be really sad but it’s really beautiful, meaningful
work and I’m privileged to get to do it. I’ve come
to think that courage is less about the big acts of
bravery in our lives and more about the small,
everyday moments where we choose to love or
decide not to take offence at something someone
says, to be kind when that costs us, to ask for help
when we’re too proud, to speak up if something is
34
wrong or have conversations with people that are
really hard for us to have. No one usually notices
that these things are hard, but you know and God
knows. That’s enough.
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR LOVE FOR ANIMALS,
ORGANIC FOOD, EARTH. DO YOU THINK GOD
PUT THIS IN YOU?
I can’t imagine life without animal company. I
hope whenever I’m really old and maybe have
to go into a home, that it’s one of those ones that
keeps chickens or dogs or rabbits as company for
the residents. I truly see God in the creatures he’s
made and very much live my life by Franciscan
spirituality and values of non-violence. Non-vio-
lent activist and author John Dear states that ‘A life
of non-violence leads to oneness with the creation
and her creatures’. This is something I definitely
aspire to.
I want to move as far away as possible from
systems that are violent, exploitative, abusive
and unjust, not only for humans, but for the
environment and animals. I think as followers
of Christ that’s what we’re called to do. For me,
that means researching things, educating myself
and being really intentional about the things I
buy. I’ve slowly made changes to the household
products we use in order to keep things as
natural as possible. Last year I did a diploma in
aromatherapy and now try and use essential oils
and plant based products where possible. I make
my own cleaning products and toiletries in order
to be as chemical-free as I can. It’s so much better
for us and for the environment and I’d love to run
little classes to teach others how to do this too.
I’ve been making these holistic changes gradually over a number of years. When I talk to people about
it they often feel it’s too overwhelming and complicated to change, and it totally would be if you tried to
do it all at once. Start small. Just tackle one thing at a time, even that will make a difference. And come
and have a chat with me about it at the allotment.

The kettle’s always on and if you need something a little stronger, there’s gin.

A FEW PLACES (BOOKS/WEBSITES) TO START THINKING ABOUT THIS STUFF:

L is for Lifestyle – Christian living that doesn’t cost the earth
Just Living – Faith and Community in an age of Consumerism – both by Ruth Valerio
Grounded – Finding God in the world. A Spiritual Revolution – Diana Butler Bass
The Beatitudes of Peace – meditations on the Beatitudes, peacemaking and the spiritual life – John Dear
Everything Belongs & Falling Upward– both by Richard Rohr
www.becreaturekind.org
www.sarx.org.uk

35
Hannahs art

Art by Hannah36Marie McGrath

We must be ready

to allow ourselves

to be interrupted

by God

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

37
 Tipping The Scales
By Richard Porter // Art by Ashley Bontz
‘Why are you doing this?’
Anjezë, the little Albanian women was
often asked this question. Her answers
varied, but the motivation never altered:
‘My God taught me.’
‘I care for you, and God loves you.’
‘I love you.’
‘I want to be like Jesus.’
‘I see Jesus in these people.’
Now, being a follower of the Messiah
myself, I can understand the love of God
working in a person’s heart. Christians
are often travelling the world doing good
deeds. Even those who don’t confess him
perform loving acts of service to benefit the
human race. This we welcome and cannot
fault. The image of God in each of us leaks
out somewhere at various times, whether
we chose to acknowledge the source of
outflow, or not.
Anjezë, of course, is Mother Teresa. We’ve
all heard of her, and we are familiar with
her work among the homeless people
of Calcutta. When the world’s media
took notice of Mother Teresa one of the
reporters also asked her that well-worn
question: ‘Why are you doing this?’ Her
answer to him was like an arrow of light
shot into a dark room: ‘I do this because no
one else is doing it.’
Today there are many following Mother
Teresa’s example in Calcutta, but why was
no one else doing it before Mother Teresa
hit the streets? Why do people write about
Mother Teresa and her work? Why was she
canonised above all the other followers
of Jesus who give their lives to serve
throughout the world? Why would anyone
even ask her that question: ‘Why are you
doing this?’
Well, in my naivety I narrow it down
to one thing: ‘Mother Teresa tipped the
scales!’ I find, in this world there is often a
cut-off point to love and kindness. It’s not
publicised, it’s just acceptable.
How far will I go when it comes to
forgiveness, hospitality, or the welfare
of another person? Where do I draw the
line on my giving? How selective am I
regarding the people I chose to serve?
We usually stop when it is socially
acceptable to do so. That’s the world’s
limit. Many hang out in this arena because
it’s comfortable and fairly safe. It costs us
something, but there’s always enough left
on our plate to smile and have a good meal
afterwards.
If we live in this camp it’s guaranteed no
reporter is going to come up and ask us:
‘Why are you doing this?’ We may be
momentarily applauded for our sacrifice
and prudence, but no one will really take
that much notice. Why, because we are
living within the limits. This is what the
world expects to see in a person who has
their spiritual and moral compass turned
on. We are just balancing the scales.
Respectability has its cost and that cost is
mediocrity! If we want to leave a mark for
Jesus in this world then we have to tip the
scales! We have to jump over the world’s
accepted boundaries and run where the
world refuses to go.
Jesus said, and did a lot of radical and
disturbing things that jar against our
common sense. Jesus just wasn’t that
interested in balancing someone else’s
scales. Consider this statement: ‘If you are
sued in court and your shirt is taken from
you, give your coat, too’ (Matthew 5.40).
Now that’s a scale tipper! I’m sure if anyone
actually followed through and offered
more than the court required, someone
would ask: ‘Why are you doing this?’
Here’s another scale tipper: ‘If a soldier
demands that you carry his gear for a
mile, carry it two miles’ (Matthew 5.41).
It was Roman law that a soldier could
demand this of you. The Romans were
the occupying force. It didn’t make sense
to help him beyond what law requires. If
anyone went two miles I’m sure someone
would ask: ‘Why are you doing this?’
There are many other statements that rock
the boat of respectable, moral behaviour:
love your enemies (Matthew 5.44), put
no limitation on the number of times you
forgive someone (Matthew 18.22), consider
others and their needs more important
than your own (Philippians 2.3). Wow!
For the wounded, who may never recover,
38
this is absurd. However, the world
takes notice of those who actually do it,
Christian or otherwise! Perhaps this is one
of the reasons we read of people like Corrie
Ten Boom, Martin Luther King or even
Mahatma Ghandi. They tipped the scales.
Like Jesus said:
“If you love only those who love you, why
should you get credit for that? Even sinners
love those who love them! And if you do
good only to those who do good to you,
why should you get credit? Even sinners do
that much! And if you lend money only to
those who can repay you, why should you
get credit? Even sinners will lend to other
sinners for a full return.
“Love your enemies! Do good to them.
Lend to them without expecting to be
repaid. Then your reward from heaven will
be very great, and you will truly be acting as
children of the Most High, for he is kind to
those who are unthankful and wicked. You
must be compassionate, just as your Father
is compassionate (Luke 6.32–36).
What do you hear in these words? I hear
Jesus saying: ‘Be radical’! Seek first the
Kingdom of God and don’t be conformed
to this world! Tip the scales and leave God’s
mark of love on this orphaned planet!’
Points to Ponder: What would our towns
and cities look like if every Christian woke
up in the morning and asked God how they
could ‘tip the scales’ today? What radical,
out of the box thing could I do, or my local
church participate in, that reaches beyond
the world’s limits of love, forgiveness and
service? How can I give like the widow
in the temple, and not like the Pharisees?
Jesus is looking for followers who will jump
out of the boat even if it means leaving the
other eleven sitting there. The interesting
thing is Jesus wasn’t even in that boat to
begin with!
Lord, take me where you are going.
Help me tip the scales with you today.
Don’t let me sit comfortably watching the
waves and drift into some mind-numbing
religion the world winks at but never asks
the question:
‘Why are you doing this?’
39
 Who do you say I am?
By Dario Leal // Art by Ruth-Ann McMillan
That is one of the most fundamental
questions in life!
Even Jesus asked his disciples; “But what
about you?” he asked. “Who do you say
I am?” Simon Peter answered, “You are
the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”
(Matthew 16:15–16 NIV11)
Jesus knew his identity. He blessed Peter
saying that his identity was not revealed to
him by flesh and blood, it was revealed by
his Father in Heaven.
I believe that we all have a divine identity,
that we are known in heaven just as we are
known on earth. The difference between
knowing how we are known in heaven and
known on earth is so important that it can
change the way we see and value ourselves
and also how we see and value others.
Let me give you a personal example....
I was born in Chile and during my teenage
years I lived in New Jersey (USA). I also
lived in Madrid, Spain. My wife is English
and my children are Northern Irish. I have
lived in Belfast for more than 12 years
now and currently live in Ballynahinch, a
beautiful place just outside of Belfast.
I am blessed to be able to adapt to different
cultures and because of this I used to hold
two passports. Now I am thinking that I
may need a new one if I want to remain in
the European Union!
Every time I am asked: “Where are you
from?”, I always answer: “Do you want to
hear the short version or the long one?!”
So, the issue of identity is a big one for me.
Am I Chilean? Yes, but I have lived outside
of Chile for most of my life! Am I British?
Yes, I have a British passport! Am I Irish?
Yes, potentially! The issue gets messier
when I am asked which national team I
support. The answer is straightforward -
the Chilean Red! (not the wine!). When it
comes to Rugby I support Ireland 100%.
Identity is such a big thing nowadays. It
seems that society is being fragmented into
groups all looking to be accepted and all
searching for an identity.
During the last six years I have been on a
journey of discovery and during this time I
have asked God:
“Who Am I? Who do you say I am?”
The journey has taken me into a deep
intimacy with Him and He has disclosed
to me my true identity - that I am known
in His Presence. This is who I am. As I
discovered my real identity, the perceptions
I had believed about myself for so long
began to change. No longer was I bound
to the colour of my passport or how many
countries I have lived in, although all of
that experience has helped me to shape
who I am. The truth is that I was made
in the image of God, I was fearfully and
wonderfully made. God took delight in me
when I was woven together in the secret
place and I was known by Him before the
foundation of the earth.
So, I began to see myself as God sees me and
I began to see people as He sees them, and
my identity became clear and powerful. I
am a son who is greatly loved by my Father
in Heaven and He takes great pleasure in
me. I have a great Father.
I saw my true self in the words of Paul when
he wrote:
“Because you are His sons, God sent the
Spirit of His Son into our hearts, the Spirit
who calls out, “Abba, Father”. So you are no
longer a slave, but God’s child; and since
you are His child, God has made you also
an heir.”
(Galatians 4:6–7 NIV11-GKE)
Jesus is not just Saviour but also the restorer
of our true humanity. In fact, in Jesus we are
called a “new creation”, with the restored
capacity to rule. That is what an heir does!
An heir is given the name and dominion
over what belongs to the Father. This is
important because being known by God
not only restores our identity but also gives
us a calling and a destiny.
Do you know how you are known in
Heaven?
I love the account of Gideon in Judges 6,
when the angel of the Lord appeared to
him and said: "The Lord is with you mighty
40
warrior". That is how Gideon was known
in heaven, as a Mighty Warrior. When he
understood his identity he was able to be
true to his destiny and calling.
How have I come to know my identity? By
sheer determination to be in the Presence
of my Father God. I am hungry and thirsty
for the Presence of the Lord. I am like a deer
who pants for the waters of the Living God.
I love to be in His Presence but it is a choice.
To be submerged under the authority of His
Word and totally lost in the wonder of His
Presence through worship.
I also keep a record of all the prophetic
words I have been given. I keep a record of
what the Lord has said about me through
his Word and I have acted accordingly. This
is called faith. I have sought to practice and
live as the person my Father says I am, and
do what He asks me to do.
The breakthrough came after spending
months on these verses! Maybe for you it
will only take seconds!
“Likewise, the Spirit helps us in our
weakness. For we do not know what to
pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself
intercedes for us with groanings too deep
for words. And He who searches hearts
knows what is the mind of the Spirit
because the Spirit intercedes for the saints
according to the will of God.” (Romans
8:26–27 ESV) I began to ask:
“What is the Spirit praying for me?
What is He saying about me?
In what way is He interceding for me?”
I know that He is praying the will of God
over me, but I want to know what He is
saying.
I would love to give you an answer to all
those questions, but they are personal. I
am sure you can hear His voice too. If you
come with a deep hunger for the Presence
of God you will not be disappointed.
The colour of my passport or the sound
of my accent is irrelevant. I know that He
loves me, that I am His son and He is so
pleased with me.
41
42
 Story on a plate
Conversation with Davy Holden //Written By Lorraine McNeilly // Photography by Paul Verner
The day started in routine, a very ordinary day in March. Our
Island sits for the most of the winter with grey menacing clouds
for company, but today the sun has decided to break through a
few of those clouds and it’s light is infiltrating through my window
where I sit. I feel its warmth and my need of it. It’s going to be a
busy day but I am full of anticipation for Davy to come for some
conversation and gorgeous food; a place where Davy creates with
ease and produces such tasty mouthfuls of genius. A few years
back God put OpenSkies on Davy’s heart and he offered to cook
food for us as we hosted some of the worship community at our
home. We love his heart and how he loves Jesus. We are so blessed
by him and thankful that he leans in to hear God’s voice.
Davy walks in the room with a lightness in his step and a smile as
wide as his face; Completely in control of what needs prepped and
ready for his masterpiece to unfold. He cooks with love and his
passion for it is infectious. Our conversation comes easy. I reach
him an apron and as we sit coffee in hand, Davy reminds me that
he has had to wait a bit too long for it to be made. His humour is
deep and he is always up for laughing at himself and with others.
WHERE DOES YOUR STORY WITH JESUS BEGIN?
I have known about Jesus my whole life. My parents made sure
that I went to church three times on a Sunday. In the morning
my sisters and I would go to a local Presbyterian church, then
in the afternoon and evening I attended the Elim church. There
I got to hear a lot of what is taught in the bible and always
believed Jesus existed. I think they wanted to get rid of us on a
Sunday as we were out all day. Then as teenage years came my
parents said that it was now my choice to go to church or not.
It so happened that the next Sunday school group that I would
have moved into I was told that the teacher in this group made
everyone pray. So that was my mind made up not to return! (He
said, laughing) During those years I did like other teenagers
would, I explored life outside of the church. Growing up in
Northern Ireland from a Christian perspective I always knew
Jesus was there and always knew right from wrong.
I got involved in a youth club as a leader who took groups of
young people to Romania to serve in the summer. One year we
bought some land and a small orphanage, fixed it up and got to
spend time with some of the orphans there. I came back home
angry at the conditions these children were living in and blamed
God, as we can do when we know of Him but don’t know Him
and His character. We live in this tension as believers with an
inbuilt need of someone to blame. I started to drink as a result
of this thought and that was a hard place to be in: Striving to
do the right thing; knowing the Almighty Creator existed but
not yet fully knowing Him left me confused about things that
quite frankly seemed unfair. Being born in Northern Ireland
43
and living in a Protestant area, I was in pain and struggled with
my identity. My identity was in the flag: red, white, and blue.
You didn’t mix with the other side - end of story. It wasn’t
anything my parents did, it was the environment we were in.
I supported the Rangers so it was an absolute message ‘do not
mix with the other side’, being the Roman catholic community.
I was Protestant and that was my identity. Living in that
produced a lot of anger in me. Also growing up, although my
father one hundred percent loved me, he was a very quiet father,
who didn’t or couldn’t do the father thing with me: He didn’t
take me to the motorbike races, to a football match, or take me
fishing, and I really craved that, you know, and that created a
lot of anger in me as well - always wanting to find my identity.
God was working in me though and a few of the people in the
youth group, who were working in Romania, met for prayer
and held different talks which I enjoyed but I started to feel that
I was really missing something. It was funny, even in Sunday
school I made a commitment to God almost every week. I
would come home from Sunday school running in to my
parents, and they probably thought, “Oh here we go! Davy has
got saved again.” So this time I was making that commitment
again to Jesus. At the beginning of anything it can start good,
but then I slipped back into my old ways, because we were
taught such condemnation and judgement; Dos and do nots.
I didn’t know how to be, so I lived life as I knew it and then
went to church and asked for forgiveness. I can remember I had
been out one weekend with friends, I mean it had been a great
weekend ‘laughing’ and I was working the next day. I was in my
car and I felt this nudging in my back. No-one else was in the
car so I drove on. Then it happened again! It happened three
times and so I stopped the car. In that moment I felt that God
saying ‘Okay now you have to choose your life as it is, or choose
me’. I felt it was a real sack cloth and ashes moment. This is
when my true journey with Jesus began.
God says “I will never leave you or forsake you”. Even in our
darkest moments, He is with us! Even when our head tells us
differently, His promise to us is that he will never leave us; He
patiently waits for us to get it, get Him. Even if he has to give a
little nudge, literally, to get our attention. It’s so mind blowing
that in His love for us He wants relationship.
What strikes me most about Davy is him being present with
whoever he is around. I can see how Jesus is in his life. I can see
he has struggled with his identity but that he is intentional about
relationship with the Father.
WHAT HAS CHANGED IN YOUR LIFE IN THE LAST FIVE
YEARS
Everything! A huge event was my father passing away about
four years ago and the struggle within me to find my identity
took a hard blow. Dealing with it with
God by my side and working through it
was hard but something that I needed to
walk through to find who I was; Who God
says I am in it all. When such a significant
person as my father was no longer around,
I found myself having to come to a point of
acceptance of who my father was: a quiet
man who loved us all in a way that only
he could. I had stopped going to Romania
around this time but an opportunity arose
that year to go with Exodus a local youth
organisation who have a centre over there,
to be a support worker. It was an important
thread to see how God was in and through
the whole thing. I got to meet and be
around Bobby who was much older than
I; a father figure who turned out to be a
much needed person for conversation
as a sounding board for mourning my
Dads passing. It’s so special that God sent
Bobby to me. I had been going every year
from that point and then an opportunity
came for me to live there and serve the
community there.
TELL ME ABOUT ROMANIA AND THE
COMMUNITY THERE
It is village life. The church bells ring every
morning at 8 o’clock, (which sounds idyllic
to me but Davy assures me it can be very
annoying).
Two days a week we cook for the gypsy
children who come to an after school club.
There are eighty children and lots of carbs;
they love carbs. Then later on we will cook
for the elderly and deliver those to their
homes. It is also reformed Hungarian; it is
very traditional. I believe I am over there
to connect in with the young people to
direct them in their identity and the things
of God. They don’t hear enough about that.
Just trying to explain to them that God is a
supernatural God: We are His hands, His
feet, ears and eyes, and He wants to use
us; that we are special and He wants us to
further His kingdom here on earth; We are
His sons and daughters.
It’s trying to get them to catch this. It comes
down to identity: they need to know it
and there is a hunger and a desire for the
things of God, but there is such a fear in
the church to lean into that; to trust in the
supernatural aspects of who God is. There
is very little joy there, and joy is a part of
who God says He is. God comes to give
life and life in all its fullness. Pessimism
is a choice. Negativity goes through
generations of people in Romania also in
N Ireland and the whole island. The enemy
uses it to steal life; joy and hope comes only
from God. You have to choose to believe
what God says about you: the voices that
can occupy our minds is not who we are.
It’s what God says that is the truth and I
am pushing into that. I am also helping to
set up a local prayer meeting that we are
44
leaning into; to see what God has for us.
WHERE DO YOU FIND GOD
I find God in Evie and Ethan: Ethan is my
great nephew, and then when working in
the youth club here in N. Ireland, I got
to know Evie’s dad, and was like a father
figure to him. I just adore her. I find God
when I watch the both of them in church
with hands lifted high in worship, (they
have decided to be boyfriend girlfriend),
but to watch them worshipping in their
innocence and abandonment, swaying
together – yes, I find God in those
moments. I find Him in His creation and
in food around the table: it’s how Jesus
did it. He showed us how: always talking
to someone or sharing stories around the
table. Laugh, talk, share: that’s community.
Jesus is in the middle of it.
When you are truly seen and heard by
another and feel loved by them, you see
Jesus. He is more interested in who we are
becoming than in what we do!
I made food for the community in
Romania, set them at the table, and listened
to them. They are so used doing, doing,
doing, that when this table of food was set
down for them, they were truly moved, and
it showed me that Jesus is for this; it’s how
He did it.
COOKING IS SO CREATIVE, DO YOU
LOVE TO COOK?
I have cooked since I was a boy with my
sister Patricia, She always said “Now David
a clean kitchen is a happy kitchen” It always
stuck with me. I always wanted to cook,
but it’s very different to doing it as a job
than doing it because you love it. There is
nothing I do that I love more than making
food for friends and family. I love trying
new tastes and flavours. It is taste and see,
it is a passion of mine and love seeing what
works and what doesn’t.

I can see that Davy is one of these guys who

just likes getting on with things, coming
alongside people not searching for the
limelight. In conversation he listens well.

WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN THE

NEXT FIVE YEARS?
I am choosing to enjoy life. If there is an
opportunity that opens up to me I am
not holding back in taking it. Words were
spoken over me, that I was a pioneer, I
was sent to Romania to plough and to sow
seeds. If it is just for a short time or longer
God will lead me.

We finish as the scent of the cooked meat

dances across the room. It was time to gather
around the table.

Davy You are indeed a Kingdom Shaker.

45
 Finding your fight
Written by Amy Blair // Art by Hannah Marie McGrath
I won't hold on to what was before, It's like
putting on grave clothes to go to the ball.
Papa told me to speak this out. ‘You’ve
already let go’, I told myself, ‘don’t pick it up
again’. I think if we’re honest we spend a lot
more time giving ourselves pep talks than
we’re willing to admit.
I had gotten to a point where I knew my
triggers; I could tell when I was on the edge
of spiralling into a dark dip from which the
return was never easy. Sometimes I would
muster up the strength to surrender before
I fell; sometimes, I let someone in on my
imminent decline and asked for help. And
then there were the other times…
Depression has had a grip on me on and
off for most of my life. There have been
points when I was so absorbed that it’s all
I could see: that looming cloud that sucked
all the joy out of life and shone a light on
every possible criticism. I always describe
it as a magnet – It feels as if you’re being
physically and emotionally weighed down
and movement is restricted.
I want to let go.
I want to be brave enough to surrender all.
Shame grips my throat and crushes my
spirit and I can’t breath…
I am pressed against the ground I am
supposed to stand on and told that it’s my
hill to die on.
Courage is a characteristic we all desire –
from early in life we are fed a feast of Bible
Stories and Fairy Tales of heroic characters
exhibiting great bravery and overcoming
their fears: David battling Goliath; the
Lion battling the witch in The Wizard of
Oz. For some courage means taking risks
in following your dreams and conquering
doubts, for some it means facing difficult
situations that require stamina and
endurance, but in every circumstance,
courage does not indicate a lack of fear.
Courage means doing it afraid.
Nelson Mandela wrote this: “I learned that
courage was not the absence of fear, but
the triumph over it. The brave man is not
he who does not feel afraid, but he who
conquers that fear”
During episodes of depression, courage
can look like getting out of bed; answering
a phone call or telling someone how you’re
feeling. You should never measure your
level of courage by someone else’s stick.
The most important thing I tried to cling
to was that I wasn’t alone – Even when my
mind was telling me that nobody cared
and tempted me to fall into loneliness,
deep down I knew that all around me there
were people facing the same battle, we just
weren’t talking about it!
I took such comfort in the authenticity of
David in the Psalms – With all the kindness
in their hearts, friends would send
encouraging bible verses of hope, but I just
couldn’t connect to them. Even if they had
been through the same valley, sometimes
it’s just not enough for someone to say
they’ve been through it and they’re on the
other side – You need someone to say, “Me
too! I’m struggling just like you are.”
Even during my worst spells there were
moments of clarity and God was speaking
to me. There was one week when I was
particularly down; I was sleeping all the
time and couldn’t get off the sofa. I had
actually gone beyond crying and felt
completely numb, and my mind was full
of destructive thoughts about myself,
of suicide and self-harm. I remember
thinking to myself; I wish God would just
set me free from this torture. His response
wasn’t really the answer I was anticipating:
Sing your way out.
I felt completely trapped by my mind and
He wanted me to sing? I could visualise my
body walking up the stairs to my piano and
finding the words to surrender my load but
my body wouldn’t comply. I couldn’t get
up, and I felt so much shame that God had
given me an answer and I couldn’t bring
myself to use it. A few hours went by as I
sat and considered my options: staying here
forever or finding my way back to the sweet
freedom I had encountered so many times
in His presence. In that moment I knew
that once I had tasted the goodness of God
I couldn’t forget it. My return to Him was
impending – So why not now? Something
broke. I got into my car and began to cry
out to God, singing in the Spirit.
The lines came one after another:
46
Surely as the sun will rise,
Surely as the tides will turn,
On you I will fix my eyes
For you are faithful
And every word that you have spoken,
I will turn into my anthem
Resting in what you have promised
You are faithful
I’ve never known a love like yours
To go the distance quite so far
You’re drowning all my deepest doubts
You are faithful
And even in my darkest days,
Fear will not withstand my praise
I will sing for all my days
That you are faithful
I found my fight that night. I learned how
to use my voice and I’ve used it to sing my
way out many times since.
I am but one person with one story.
Every day we encounter people who are
struggling, hurting, and lonely. We may
have no idea of their inner suffering. I wish
I could say that we notice, but more often
than not we don’t. We’re too busy with our
own lives to ask the questions:
How’s your heart?
What are you struggling with?
What do you need from me?
Or maybe you’re the person wishing
someone would slow down for long enough
to notice your silent cry for help. I would
never have made it through without letting
people in. I had friends who dragged me
out of bed at my worst, and checked in to
make sure I was looking after myself at
my best so I didn’t end up in a downward
spiral.
Take comfort in this:
You are not alone. The more you share your
struggle, the more you’ll realise this.
You are brave and strong. Even if the most
you could do today was think a positive
thought about yourself; be kind to yourself
and let yourself off the hook.
This will not last forever; Surely as the sun
will rise every morning, your breakthrough
is coming. If it’s not good, it isn’t over.
 “Before I was a spectator, always sitting on
the edge of the ring, not believing I was strong
enough for the fight; standing in my open cage not
believing I would make the flight.

Today I stand victorious, going where I've never gone before;

strong in joy, free from fear to roam higher & deeper, to give my
YES quicker, to daily surrender, to let my heart be rendered.

To stand still for the whisper, to open my arms left and

right, submitting to the wind that will catch me in
flight, the wave that will propel me into the stream of
life, I see and know I'm my Father's delight.

‘You came’, He said, ‘you said yes even though you

didn't know, I'm restoring your song, your voice,
your creative flow, that pours from your life
and let’s every good thing grow’.”

Written By Amy Blair

47
 Naked is sacred
Written by Kat Brandao // Art by Ricardo Brandao
I’m a BIG believer of verbalising the
struggle of our journey, our walk and
ultimately our calling. It helps us to walk
lighter when we share, in fact it is a very
necessary part of building authentic
community and families, because it helps
give others perspective and counsel but
also brings comfort in reassuring others
that they are not alone. For this reason your
story deserves to be told.
Imagine for a moment that the stories of
Moses, Joseph, David, Paul, and ultimately
Jesus were never put to paper. Imagine
again that their only victories and strengths
were talked about and their weaknesses
and struggles left out of the story. We
would have no reference on how to “walk
with God” through weakness, life and all its
challenges. I know that when I have read
blogs, articles and books where people
have vulnerably shared their hearts, it has
SO blessed me, built up my faith and given
me hope for the struggles I’m facing. This
is why I started writing about my own
weaknesses.
I believe for too long we have lived in a
culture, especially within the church where
sharing weakness has been a very risky
affair. People suffered silently in marriages,
as parents, job roles that they felt completely
inadequate for and mental health problems
without having a safe place to share openly
without judgement. I can’t recall in all my
time in youth group, hearing a youth leader
talk about their personal weakness. In my
14-year-old heart I began to think “I could
never share what I’m really going through
with these people, because they just seem
to be in a good place with God all the
time. I’m not made for this Christian life, I
couldn’t be that good.” After being raised in
church, by the time I reached my late teens
and early twenties I had made the decision
that I just couldn’t “fake it” anymore, so I
decided to go down the road most travelled.
When I gave my life to God as an adult at
23, within a few months I already had so
many personal stories to tell of my walk
with Jesus, it was a struggle to keep them
to myself. As time went on I began to look
back on my leaders, elders, pastors etc that I
had as a child and remember thinking “why
didn’t you share from the heart?”. Teenagers
know when you’re being real. Yet as much
as its easy to point the finger and blame, I
know I can’t be too hard on them because
they were doing what they had seen done
before and they had brought something
new to the table.
THANKFULLY however that culture
of harbouring life’s imperfections and
personal weakness is changing. We need to
take courage and kill the silence to share for
the sake of the health of our communities
(and for those who suffer to no longer feel
relegated to loneliness).
The thing is if we don’t have a safe
environment where people can openly
share, we will create a community where
people are emotionally and spiritually
isolated and the disease will spread to our
mind and spirit (and most likely this will
cloud our view of eternal things). Negative
emotions have to go somewhere, and they
can often be seen in our bodies, sickness
and allergies. So, Church needs to be a safe
place. I really believe that so much of the
mental health problems that our country
has are for lack of having a safe environment
to share and still be loved. Uncertainty of
unconditional love is the epidemic of the
human race!
So, what is the root cause of this fear of
weakness? Let’s go right back to the start.
The garden of Eden, where God was one
with Adam and Eve and they were one with
Him. So why did Adam and Eve even take
the fruit? It was because Satan said that
“God doesn’t want you to eat it because he
knows that you’ll become like Him.” So,
this explains to us the root of our problems
- what man wanted MOST was to BE GOD.
It is what we are most tempted to be, (to
take the place of God in our lives) and to
make independent lives and decisions that
“we want”.
When Adam and Eve sinned, God didn’t
disappear, He didn’t “scrap” the creation
plan because they messed up. In fact, the
bible tells us that God went into the garden
to meet with Adam, yet Adam didn’t come
to meet with God. So, why did Adam hide?
Why does weakness cause us to hide or
make us cover ourselves in all kinds of false
realities? It is our self-consciousness, which
only came into our reality after we sinned
in Eden, because the bible tells us that they
became “self-conscious of their nakedness
and made clothes from fig leaves” – because
of that we know that self-consciousness is
not holy. Their holy condition was NAKED.
They took leaves (that were never meant to
be used for clothes and manipulated their
function) to become a covering of what
they felt was shameful.
Suddenly, they’ve become insecure about
their appearance, and how true is that when
we are insecure about something we will do
everything to cover it up. The moments
when you feel most self-conscious are
the moments that you feel most insecure,
inadequate and fearful. As someone who
has spent most of their life either, singing,
acting or dancing, I have learnt that being
self -conscious is the enemy of authentic
creativity so we doubt our abilities and run
from God, just like Adam did.
Self-consciousness magnifies in our
minds our weakness in comparison to our
strengths and gifts (which in turn paralyses
us because we realise we can’t fully take
control of our own lives. That is a shrill
thought for a human being who wants to
be God in their own lives). Just like Adam,
instead of running to God for help, we
literally cover ourselves instead of simply
just coming in our nakedness.
Our fig leaves become our religion. We
work hard at being a “good” person. We
cover ourselves to preserve our reputation,
but we end up destroying our souls living
a double life, completely lying to ourselves.
We end up destroying other peoples’ lives
by being a “reference” to an unattainable
present reality. What religion does to your
soul, is what AIDS does to your body – it
attacks the immune system of your spirit
and it debilitates your spiritual strength
because the source becomes you and not
the power of God. It is a slow spiritual
illness that leads to spiritual death.
Religion advertises control, that you can
through your own hand/works become a
better you, therefore making little of the
glory and power of God in our lives. As
Steffany Gretzinger sings “my weakness is
my honour not my shame.” Yet we in the
body of Christ have modelled weakness as being shameful,
so we don’t openly talk about it. We have lived in religious
communities of “ignorant bliss”, until we can no longer ignore
our weaknesses and struggles.
This is not just a problem in the UK or Ireland but as a
missionary I have seen this the world over and I believe the
main reason the body of Christ struggles to work together is
that we are all still wearing our fig leaves (still living for our
appearance, the improved version of how God made us). There
can’t be unity where there is no transparency. And where there
is no unity there is no clear vision.
I want to invite you to a life of authentic community, where
vulnerability is the currency (where we are sincere with
ourselves and others). Where our ego takes a back seat and
we let God guide (and others enjoy the ride with us). A naked
community, a transparent family. But know that if you join,
you are to become a pioneer, there will be major sacrifices.
Jesus revolutionised the most religious community on the
planet (the Jews) and it cost Him His life. Evoking change is
never easy in any culture or community, but we must press
forward because those who come after us will need the bridge
we are building to the old truth of Eden, oneness with God,
oneness with each other.
50
 Truth
Written by Richard Porter // Photography by Paul Verner

For one brief second today

I saw you
Through all the minutes
And all the hours
We stood together
In that forest of time
When all the seconds
Took their bow
And all the hours parted
It was then
On the peak of that eternity
I saw you
It was enough
I will always follow

51
 Unbridled Devotion
Written by Jan Kilpatrick // Art by Hannah Marie McGrath
Courage is the choice and willingness to
confront. It may be changing the way you
live or learning to live through loss, facing
uncertainty, illness or intimidation. The list
goes on.
To be courageous and brave are one and the
same. We are all inspired by stories of courage
and bravery. There are television programmes
that honour the brave. Awards are given to the
courageous, medals to the victors. As great
as these are, they can cause us to down play
our own small steps or acts of bravery and
diminish our own achievements.
Courage is not just about conquering
mountains. I feel that that greatest acts of
courage are often small and unseen. It is the
choice we make in the difficult times, when the
light at the end of the tunnel seems so far away.
Nelson Mandela said, “I learned that courage
was not the absence of fear, but the triumph
over it.” For some courage is getting
up in the morning and getting
dressed. It could even be simply
answering the phone or going
to the door. Having a difficult
conversation with someone.
I don’t see myself as a
particularly courageous
person. I am 52 (now that
took courage) and for a
large part of my life I have
allowed fear to dictate what
I can and can’t do. Fear of
what others may think,
fear of looking stupid, fear
of standing out, fear of not
coming up to the mark
or disappointing, fear of
making a wrong decision.
I have often compared
myself with others and
thought how brave others
are in making decisions
52
and confronting fears.
One of the most courageous things God is
calling me to do right now is just to be! To sit,
like Mary, at Jesus feet and be. I know it doesn't
sound very brave or adventurous. We are so
defined by what we do or have achieved that
saying to someone I am sitting at his feet for a
season sounds crazy!! Sadly, we are fed the lie
that being busy all the time is seen as a sign of
a successful life. At this time Jesus is calling me
to listen to him, rather than Him listening to
me! Jesus is challenging me to be courageous
in my faith and to trust him completely. This is
courage, especially when convention may say
you are being impractical, and irresponsible.
In the story of Mary and Martha, Jesus comes
to visit. Mary decides to sit at his feet and
listen while Martha is rushing around the
house getting everything sorted. Martha
wasn't doing anything wrong she was probably
enjoyed doing it. But what she did next stole
her joy. She compared herself to her sister
Mary. Mary was courageous, in that, she
confronted the status quo. As a woman she sat.
She didn’t disappear into the kitchen. She sat at
Jesus feet and absorbed all that he said.
I think the greatest opposition to us being
courageous is that we compare ourselves and
our decisions to others. We become more
concerned with what they have achieved or
what they will think and then we decide to do
nothing. Mark Twain wrote that ‘comparison
is the death of joy.’ Never compare your
journey or your victories to others.
I encourage you to take time, sit at Jesus feet
and ask him to show you where he wants you
to be courageous. It may be as simple as saying
‘No’ for the first time. He may be asking you to
lay something down, a relationship, a ministry
or a job even. Take time out to listen and them
respond by being courageous.
 “The Lord answered her,
“Martha, my beloved Martha.
Why are you upset and troubled,
pulled away by all these many
distractions? Are they really that
important? Mary has discovered
the one thing most important by
choosing to sit at my feet. She
is undistracted, and I won’t take
this privilege from her.””

Luke10:41-42 TPT

53
54
55
Why I Worship
Written by Amy Blair // Photography by Paul Verner

“I reach my arms out because He lifts me up

and shows me where I am from His perspective.

I shake my head because although I live in the

knowledge of His goodness, He still manages to

wreck what my mind can conceive of His love

every time. I laugh because His deep joy rises

up in me explosively & I can't contain it any

longer. I dance because He tells me as I worship

that I carry freedom & have the power to release

it in a room. I sing because there's a song in

heaven at every moment & I know I was born

to declare it on earth. I worship because I have

fallen in love with this loving faithful Father &

it's where I encounter Him the most. To every

question you ask me He is my answer.”

56
57
Ingredients

A quarter cup white

vinegar

One and three quarter

cups of water

30 drops essential oils

Some essential oil

suggestions:

15 drops each of Lavender

and Lemon

Or

10 drops each of Eucalyptus,

Peppermint, and
Wild Orange

58
 Green Cleaning
Conversation with Michelle Wooderson McMurray // Art by Hannah Marie McGrath

Cleaning products are among the most toxic substances that can be found in the average
home. Most household cleaners are hazardous to health and the environment and toxins
from household cleaning products get into your body because they are breathed in and
absorbed through your skin. However, it's fairly straightforward to create your own natural
cleaning products that are completely safe for you, your family and pets. They also don’t
pollute water systems and are much better for the environment. It’s a win-win!

Here’s a simple recipe to experiment with:

Ingredients
¼ cup white vinegar
1 ¾ cups water
30 drops essential oils

Some essential oil suggestions:

15 drops each of Lavender and Lemon
or
10 drops each of Eucalyptus, Peppermint, and Wild Orange

Instructions
Add all ingredients to 16-ounce spray bottle - you can recycle an old spray bottle or buy a
glass one online. Essential oils survive best in dark glass bottles.

Shake thoroughly

You can play around with essential oil combinations and see what you like. I tend to use
Young Living or Oshadhi oils because they are a very pure grade of oil and therefore you
tend to need less, but just use what you can get hold of to begin with. The oils mentioned
above are particularly useful for cleaning as they contain antibacterial and antifungal
properties.

Happy Cleaning!

59
60
Art by Hannah61Marie McGrath
 Productivity Versus
Fruitfulness
Written by Kat Brandao // Art by Ricardo Brandao
We are living in an age where we can
be reached 24 hours a day, 7 days a
week. We might leave our work but
our work tends to follow us home. We
might have clocked out but the emails
and the work calls keep coming. We
have never been so available. 
We have
become obsessed with the instant and
available. However, McDonald's has
shown us that not everything that is
instant and available is necessarily of
quality or healthy.
Just like our bodies suffer when we
live off fast food, so do our hearts
and minds when we live only on the
fast track. Just like McDonald's lacks
in nutritional value, our lives begin
to lack depth and purpose when
we are simply existing to produce,
fast and available. We have come to
believe that the busier we are, the
more positively productive we are
being. If so, then why do our families,
marriages, children, key relationships,
bodies, minds, souls, and everything
that matters suffer from a hyper
productive life? The answer is simple.
We were not made to be productive,
but FRUITFUL.
 "...Be fruitful and
multiply..." 
said God in the beginning
and I don't know about you but
I never gave this scripture much
thought until I began my walk as a
missionary. Without knowing it, God
was leading me on a journey to teach
me what true fruitfulness is. I think
the general belief on productivity
according to what I hear and see is
that we believe that productivity is
what God means by fruitfulness. But
the two DO NOT mean the same
thing. Productivity has two sides to its’
coin: there is the positive side of using
time wisely according to your needs,
but there is a dark side to productivity
when we let our self value become
based on how much we can produce
with the time given. The problem is
that the things we produce can lack
quality.
 However being fruitful has
only one healthy growth system: using
your time according to what God has
asked of you. Fruitfulness is not based
on hours in a day but by seasons of a
journey.
 for their support soon. As God began
So often we can take on Saviour
complexes that lead us to a place
where we feel like we need to save
everyone and be all of the parts of the
body at once instead of depending on
others. To be honest the enemy will
guilt you into believing that you aren't
doing enough no matter how much
you take on. He's happy to encourage
you on the slippery slope to "being
Jesus" for everyone because he knows
you will soon run out of steam.
Striving to be the Wonder Woman or
Superman the world has been waiting
for makes a very exhausting exercise
for any mere imperfect human being.
The problem with this striving is that
we drag people with us. We create
unhealthy expectations that we can't
live up to long term and when we
eventually let people down, they
become completely disillusioned by
the religious farce we've created; of
teaching them to depend on us or
an institution and not on Jesus.
 I've
been there and done that and trust me
you don't want the stinking t-shirt.
 looks after the many layers of our
Personally I have just come out of a
long winter season where God led me
to stillness; it seemed like everything
I tried to do or start literally didn't
produce anything, or at least it wasn't
visible. My frustration was beyond
painful.
I began to feel like I was the problem,
but God continued to encourage me
to wait in the winter with Him. 
I've
never felt so worthless as a follower
in my whole life but that's when
God began to uncover my real
problem: I was basing my value and
worth on what I was doing (or not
doing). The temptation to justify
this "unproductive season" was so
overwhelming.
62
I felt like my supporters would stop
supporting me if I didn't have some
success stories or something to "show"
to truly reveal this unresolved issue
in my heart, He brought me to the
verse where Jesus is baptised by John
the Baptist. The Holy Spirit appears
over them, and the Father says,
"This is my Son in whom I am well
pleased." When I stopped to think
about it, Jesus hadn't at that stage
done anything in the eyes of men or
ministerially speaking yet the Father
was well pleased with Him. In fact,
Jesus spent 70% of His life growing in
the glory of God.
He didn't start His ministry until the
Father told Him to. Many would ask
what was He doing for those thirty
years. What a waste of power? Right?!
Why's it so hard for us to take in that
He was simply being, growing in,
obeying and loving in the Father?

Jesus knew that the Father has an
order of things.
God made all plants, fruits and living
things to be subject to seasons and we
are no different; we also come under
His order of elements. Each season
beings. How well the fruit weathers
the seasons will alter its taste and its
quality. Yet fruit depends on many
things to grow - the soil being the
reality we choose to be planted in,
the vine being Jesus who we connect
ourselves too, the water the word
of God that feeds us and purifies us
and lastly the sun - the warmth of
His presence that makes us expand
to the right and to the left. However,
it's also possible for us to have all of
these things in the right order and still
not have fruit. Why? Because fruit
requires seasons.
I felt God teaching me so much about
His Kingdom through this picture of
nature: it's like His message is in every
detail of creation. True fruitfulness
is dependence. His whole Kingdom
is built on Oneness, dependence
and community. The trinity itself is
interdependent, co-existing three yet in
one.
We can only ever be truly fruitful
when we learn to read the seasons, to
be sensitive to Gods seasons and time.
Solomon tells us that there is a time for
everything. The world of productivity
tells us that the "time" is always now
but that's just not Gods order of things.
When we defy that order we become less
and less human and cold like steel robots
that simply exist to produce but not to
grow and multiply. There is a difference.
We all know the famous story of the
woman who broke her alabaster box
to pour out her expensive ointment on
Jesus' feet. Some of the disciples ridiculed
her for having wasted it on Jesus' feet,
when it would've been more productive
or useful to have sold it and given the
money to the poor. They couldn't see
what this woman was planting in this
act of worship, of throwing herself at
the feet of Jesus. Sometimes being truly
fruitful looks completely unproductive
and the temptation to silence our critics
and to put on a false show to simply
justify ourselves is high. If we do we will
miss out on those beautiful moments of
surrender where we learn to pour our
hearts to The Father in our lowest, most
humiliating, and vulnerable moments.
What it will produce in us, no measure
could ever count because it has been
made in the eternal, sown into the
63
Kingdom and God will multiply it into
a harvest of fruit that only heaven can
produce.
So let's learn to intentionally come away;
swim against the mainstream temptation
to live to produce; learn to obey His
ways in the face of the world’s critics. In
surrender, let's take up our cross for the
sake of the Kingdom and nothing will be
lost. For even the fruit that falls to the
ground decays so that the seed that it
carries may be born. That decaying fruit
may look worthless but it feeds the birds
of the air and in it’s fading away it helps
bring life to a new seeds, a new tree and
inevitably much fruit.
Garden of Delight
Written by Joel McNeilly // Photography by Xander Neal
Deep down in our being, in our very essence,
is a Garden of Pure Bliss. We were created for
Eden (place of pleasure) to live fully dependent
on the very presence of God. He breathed life
into us and the very words he spoke us into
being with sustains our existence. We were
given a simple task of enjoying our union with
Him while we multiplied filling the earth with
our offspring. We were created in the image
of the Trinity and given authority over all the
earth as his children. But the serpent tricked
Eve into eating the forbidden fruit, promising
her that she wouldn't die and would become
like God himself. And so the fall of mankind
occurred and brought with it sin causing us to
become mere mortal beings. But thank Jesus
that’s not the end of the story! Jesus redeemed
us in the eyes of God and restored us to union
with Him! The apple brought curse which the
Son reversed.
I see a fog of deception hiding so many from
this Garden of delight within. Because we have
been eternally restored into new life and death
has been decisively defeated; the only trick the
serpent has up his sleeves is to convince us we
are in some way still separated from God. This
is the same deception which he tricked Eve
with in Eden. He told Eve that the moment she
ate the forbidden fruit she would become like
God…. when it fact she was already like God,
made in his image. The serpent still uses this
deception that we are separate from God when
in reality Jesus himself has fully possessed our
being.
We are dead! Christ Lives!
"I have been crucified with Christ and I no
longer live, but Christ lives in me." (2:20)
Our sinful nature was nailed to the cross with
Jesus; completely destroyed. No longer do
we need to sin for that would make us mere
mortals! The Spirit of God can have nothing
to do with unrepentant sin, these things create
Mountains of separation between you and God.
Jesus doesn't want you to sin because he knows
that the "wages of sin is death" and he wants you
to have life. He's not punishing you for your
64
sin by separating himself from you, he longs
to be close to you and sin ruins your budding
vineyard of love with Christ your lover. It’s you
who creates the Mountains of separation, not
him. Jesus comes leaping like a gazelle over
these Mountains to call you to come away with
him!
Arise my love and come away with me. Don't
you see the bondage of a barren Winter is over!
The rain and clouds have come and gone. I
have come as you have asked. Our vines are in
blossom, filling the air with a holy fragrance.
Drink your fill my lover; be intoxicated with
my love. The mountains of separation are no
more! You are my garden of delight, holy and
righteous in my eyes.
Not only is the Garden of Delight within you…
But in the eyes of the King you ARE the Garden
of Delight! The Greek word for Joy (Chara)
derives from the word for Grace (Charis). If
you’re wondering where this Joy comes from it
comes from Grace. Grace which set us free from
the curse of sin and restored us to this Garden
of Delight. CS Lewis comments that "The sole
purpose of man is the glorification of God… by
enjoying him forever." And this amazing Grace
which Jesus has given to us allows us to once
again fulfil our true purpose. Because we have
been made righteous before God we can once
again glorify Him by enjoying his blissful
presence. Grace is like Miracle Grow in our
Orchards of Joy.
Within this Garden there is also a Vineyard
of Love surrounded by heavenly fragrances
of sweet Henna blossoms. This vineyard
produces the best wine ever tasted; suddenly he
transports us to the House of Wine. Here you
can taste from the shared cup of love between
you and Christ. In this place you can drink the
Spirit of God and revel over his outrageous
Love for you! Here he longs for you to drink
your fill of his love, be completely intoxicated
by his cup of salvation bliss poured out for you.
65
 Where Sky And
Water Meet
Written by Amy Blair // Photography by Paul Verner
I stand on the shore, watching as
the waves approach to kiss my feet
before they return to sea, carrying a
host of sandy passengers towards the
hazy unknown, where sky and water
meet…
My soul, longing for something more,
begins to stir. Without needing my
voice to explain the depths of desire,
every part of my being cries, clasping
the crumpled promises of what will
be and urging that moment to arrive.
The mystery of the ocean’s depths
conspires to convince me of its glory,
but I’m too afraid of getting wet.
Gazing out it seems no troubles can
conquer the birds who fly free above
the raging waters. Seasons come and
go yet everyday they come singing a
new song, proudly gliding through
the air as if boasting of the endless
capacity of their skies.
For a moment the hope-filled trail of
their bold flight covers my path and
calls me higher, yet fear still embraces
my beaten wings reminding me that I
could never make the flight.
So I watch, as seasons come and
seasons go, and concede to be a
flightless bird, standing on the shore
allowing my mind to occasionally
drift to the possibilities of what could
be. And every day I come, longing
the wind behind my back to whisk
me into flight, towards the hopeful
unknown, where sky and
waters meet.
Some days I long so hard the aching already submerged in the waters,
of my unable heart cripples me, and the shore a distant memory and the
I have to go. Other days I come and sun’s intensity drawing me to its’
the glory of the ball of fire rising fiery heights. I no longer see it rise
from the ocean and battling the or fall for it has risen, and I find
night sweeps my heart into ecstasy myself a melody in the never-ending
and catches me alight. The light hits symphony of the night’s conquest,
the water and the light is all I see, where sky and water meet.
reflecting the sun’s ascension into
victory, as the battle is won and the Once life outside the prison walls
darkness’ forced to flee. brings eyes to see the other side; once
that life and you are one, and you feel
In that moment, my soul consumed yourself bloom as flowers bloom, you
can no longer remember that I inhale, submitting to be carried by
cannot swim or that fear ensnared the wind as branches that bow to the
me as it’s slave. I see only what I see power that sways them and causes
and feel only what I feel. I stand, in their leaves to dance.
that moment, with eyes closed to
awaken my every sense to find Him
there.
I hear the waves crashing in rhythmic
swells, an anthem of life as I breathe
what feels like my first breath. The
more of You has encapsulated me,
swelling my very lungs so as I gasp
for breath, the less of You I once
knew will not suffice to bring me life.
This day, every lap of the shore
beckons me in, ‘Come Away With
Me’….’Come Away’. I breathe deeply
and as I open
my eyes I
find myself
66
 Do what you love. Do what brings you alive. Do it

unapologetically. You have a purpose - Live it without

hesitation. Life is too short to let people's opinions of

you hold you back. There is infinite joy in letting go of

control & more adventure than you could ever plan for

yourself. Let Go. Let God.

67
Take Courage
Written by Denise Leal // Photography by Hannah Marie McGrath
Today take courage. Take courage
to be wrong in an opinion or
something you hold as true,
take courage to have your ideas,
opinions your ‘truths’ stretched,
challenged and changed and
moulded. Take courage to change
your mind about something.
Today take courage. Take courage
to take a wrong turn, to get lost and
go back and find your way.
Take courage to find life, meaning
and value in a ‘wrong turn’, a
‘detour’, a ‘missed opportunity’.
Today take courage to go
somewhere new. Take courage to
forge a new path, go a new route.
Today take courage to meet
someone new. Take courage to
cross the room, cross the street,
cross the city to smile at someone
you have have never met before.
Take courage to say hello, pay for a
coffee, a meal, someone’s shopping.
Take courage to look like a weirdo
and do something strange and
unexpected, but kind and generous.
Today take courage to make some
swaps, some exchanges. Give it a
go, take courage.
Take courage to exchange worry
for hope and the expectation
that something good is going to
happen. Give stress away and don’t
expect that you have to have all the
answers or solutions and that you
have to do or carry it all.
Take courage and listen to others,
listen to Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit is
always talking to you, just listen.
Take courage to listen to Holy
Spirit. He’s speaking to you through
the unusual and unexpected.
Take courage to listen to a creative
God. Take courage to listen and
trust that He’s looking out for you.
Today take courage to swap worry
for the expectation that something
good is going to happen.
Today take courage to swap stress
to listening and trusting that Father
God has got this.
68
69
 Credits
The Wild Goose volume one was collectively brought to you by...

EDITOR IN CHIEF Lorraine McNeilly

ART DIRECTOR Hannah Marie McGrath

GRAPHIC DESIGNER Danielle Gault

COPY EDITORS Amy Blair

Wendy Crawford
John McGrath
Ann McNeilly
Michelle Wooderson McMurray

COVER PHOTOGRAPHY Xander & Christine Neal

PHOTOGRAPHERS Matthew Blair

Paul Verner
Hannah Marie McGrath
Amy Blair
Joel McNeilly

ARTISTS Hannah Marie McGrath

Ruth-Anne McMillan
Janet Raja
Ashley Bontz
Ricardo Brandao
Lorraine McNeilly

COLLABORATORS Stephanie Houston

Pauline Houston
Denise Leal
Catherine McMillan
Gillian Cooke
Rosie O’Mahony
Andy Blair
Stacey Hanburry
Paul McNeilly

70
 Contact

VISIT OUR STORE

To purchase copies and read our blog:

www.wildgoose.ie

OPENSKIES, RETREATS & EVENTS

We are an off-shoot of the Openskies family and run events
throughout the year to encourage you to draw near to
Father God. For more information please visit:

www.openskies.ie

CONTACT US
For wholesale orders and individual enquires

Email us: hello@wildgoose.ie

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Copyright © 2018 by Wild Goose Collaboration

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by
any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written
permission of the Wild Goose Collaboration. For permission requests, write to the publisher at hello@wildgoose.ie

All scripture contained within the book is subject to copyright within the following translations, English Standard
Version, The Passion Translation, New International Version and The Message Version.

WILD GOOSE//RETURN TO EDEN // VOL 1

71
As a community we are always seeking the Father’s heart; calling each other to

come deeper into His presence; to fully surrender and give Him permission to

develop us on the inside so we can glorify Him on the outside.

This is a safe haven to attempt going beyond the shore, scaling the capacity of

the seas & discovering your dwelling place in the presence of the Lord.

YOU HAVE PERMISSION TO JOIN WITH THIS SYMPHONY OF SOUL

CRIES. IN FACT, YOUR MELODY IS NEEDED.

Join The Adventure

Of Following The

Holy Spirit.

www.wildgoose.ie
72