1

00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:09,969

GARY: (GROANS)
Oh, God, that is really bad.

2
00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:13,689
- AGENT: Can't we get this shit out of here?
- Not until the shutdown is over.

3
00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:15,569
- The garbage collection is suspended...
- (BAGS RUSTLE)

4
00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:16,766
- (SHRIEKS)
- Wait, what?

5
00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:18,205
(GARY GASPS)

6
00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:19,930
Did I hear the VP scream?

7
00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:23,203
No, that was me. And it was a shout.

8
00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:26,928
There was a rat on the garbage,
so I shouted to scare it off.

9
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:30,482
- That was a man's voice?
- Yeah, 'cause I'm a man.

10
00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:33,088
I have a man's voice.

11
00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:36,970
Yeah, that's right. Walk away.
Walk away. (SCOFFS)

12
00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:39,926
(CHUCKLES)

13
00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,361
GARY: I swear to God, it was massive.
14
00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:56,805
- It was like a pony.
- Squeak, squeak.

15
00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:58,689
God! Stop! That's not cool.

16
00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:02,446
Okay, guys, I'm not gonna drag this out.
We're in shutdown mode.

17
00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:04,249
I've got to have a skeleton staff.

18
00:01:04,320 --> 00:01:06,243
- So Keith stays, right?
- What?

19
00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:07,924
Keith. He's skinny like a skeleton.

20
00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:10,530
Ma'am, please. I can't
afford to be furloughed.

21
00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:12,921
- No, you're not. But, Dan, you are.
- Ma'am.

22
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:15,002
Yeah, you know, you two do similar jobs.

23
00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:16,960
It just makes economic sense
for you to go, Dan.

24
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,490
Does that mean he makes
more money than I do?

25
00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:20,164
SELINA: Anyway, the deal is
it's not going to be long

26
00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:21,969
because I've got a meeting
with the Speaker today.

27
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:23,451
- Is that correct?
- Today, yes.

28
00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:24,925
So I'm gonna shut down the shutdown.

29
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:27,844
It looks like it's between you and me.
Without me, this office will implode.

30
00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:30,764
Gary, the Secret Service
is calling you Girly Shirley Temple.

31
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:31,841
- So you need to just cut...
- SELINA: Sue.

32
00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:33,410
- Yeah?
- You're going home.

33
00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:34,480
Oh!

34
00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:36,921
- SELINA: Yeah, I'm sorry.
- Fine.

35
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:39,250
I need a moment. (SOBBING)

36
00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:41,930
Oh, man, that's tough.

37
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,287
Oh, my God. I feel so bad for her.

38
00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:46,203
- Oh, come on, she had to go.
- Poor Sue.

39
00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:48,328
- Poor Sue.
- DAN: I guess I'll be heading out.

40
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,722
Okay. I need to remind you you cannot make
work-related contact with anyone

41
00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:54,047
from this administration
and you're forbidden by law

42
00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:56,327
from entering the West Wing or EEOB.

43
00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,129
Actually, you did not
need to remind me of that.

44
00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,168
- I know, but I wanted to.
- Laters.

45
00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:01,969
Wow, he's taking that well.

46
00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:03,929
AMY: He's like Spock.
He doesn't show his emotions.

47
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:05,889
- Ever?
- Even

48
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:07,607
Ever?

49
00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:09,968
- No, not even then.
- You're kidding me.

50
00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:13,203
I saw him laugh once really hard
when the security guy fell off his Segway.

51
00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:16,329
Is laughter an emotion?
52
00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:19,008
Full day spa package.

53
00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:20,844
No, I think you'll find it is possible.

54
00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:22,160
Sue Wilson.

55
00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:24,641
Valued and, if need be, aggressive client.

56
00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:27,564
- Can you set up a lunch with him? Great.
- (SUE CONTINUES TALKING)

57
00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:30,041
No, no, no. Just browsing
the store of life.

58
00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:31,770
Section marked "what if." (CHUCKLES)

59
00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:33,928
No, no, network the bejesus...

60
00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:37,485
Network the bejesus out of me.

61
00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:39,847
I want people to be sick
of the sight of my face.

62
00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:41,410
Very funny, Carl.

63
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:43,729
Gary, I don't know how to do that.

64
00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:46,087
Oh, ma'am. Oh, oh, oh. Sorry.

65
00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:48,280
Andrew donating to both parties
is all over the blogs.
66
00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:51,051
- Who the hell keeps stirring the shit pot?
- BOTH: Roger Furlong.

67
00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:53,361
Thought that, too. So obvious, Furlong.

68
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,169
Wow, it's like anal leakage.

69
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:57,846
The donations,
the shitty book about me and Andrew

70
00:02:57,920 --> 00:02:59,331
having some sort of fake relationship,

71
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:02,051
the land deal from, like, ages ago.

72
00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:04,766
Somebody bring me
the chinless head of Roger Furlong.

73
00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:06,205
Well, in the acknowledgments,

74
00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:07,361
- the author says...
- SELINA: Mmm!

75
00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:09,602
- Why do you have a copy of that?
- So I can refute it to people.

76
00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:12,524
- It's my refuting copy.
- Get rid of it. Refuse it.

77
00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:14,204
Okay, look, if the VP did have a window,

78
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:16,203
it'd be a high one
and she'd push you out of it.
79
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,886
- Ooh, that's very good.
- I'm doing my impression of Sue.

80
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:21,122
- Yeah, that's very good.
- (LAUGHS) What?

81
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:24,761
You're pregnant? Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
I did not mean that.

82
00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:27,047
Listen, if you call next week,
I can probably fit you in, okay?

83
00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:28,724
Congratulations. (CHUCKLING)

84
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:30,211
JONAH: (IN BRITISH ACCENT)
Well, 'ello, governors.

85
00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:32,681
Pickle me eels and tickle me belly

86
00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:35,684
'cause I am off to merry London Town

87
00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:37,888
for a right fuckabout, eh?

88
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,564
Innit, love?

89
00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:41,483
Are you going to the G8
conference in London?

90
00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:43,881
Yes, I am, Gary. Thank you for asking.

91
00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:45,530
Yes, I am.
92
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:49,082
It is a city where women
are literally drunk all day.

93
00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:51,891
And I am going to mind
their gaps, my friend.

94
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:55,368
But I need my passport renewed,
so can I speak to the Veep?

95
00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:57,251
Why do you need her for that?

96
00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:00,642
Uh, well, cum-for-brains,
the government is shut down,

97
00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:02,444
so all the passport offices are closed.

98
00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:04,280
So I need Selina to pull
some strings for me.

99
00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:05,401
So get Sue.

100
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:09,727
Hmm. Where's Sue? Where's Sue?

101
00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:12,007
Who's the new Sue? Me.

102
00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:15,163
Would you like an appointment, Mr. Ryan?

103
00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:17,481
Uh, yes, new Sue,
I would like to make an appointment.

104
00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:19,722
- Hmm, suck it.
- (LAUGHS)
105
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,161
(CHUCKLES)

106
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:24,286
<i>DANNY". Look around you.</i>

107
00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:27,125
<i>People out of work. Garbage in the streets.</i>

108
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:29,089
<i>Ordinary folks suffering.</i>

109
00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:31,481
<i>Sometimes I feel I don't know my own party.</i>

110
00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:33,688
See, this is the problem
with high-definition.

111
00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:35,603
You don't want to see a dick in hi-def.

112
00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:37,967
<i>How can they allow this shutdown to happen?</i>

113
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:41,761
<i>Do Washington's overpaid lawmakers
not care about ordinary people?</i>

114
00:04:41,840 --> 00:04:43,410
What? I'm not overpaid.

115
00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:46,245
I'm independently wealthy.
All right? Sorry.

116
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,800
<i>They need to cut a deal
and vanquish the stench.</i>

117
00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:52,046
Ma'am, the stench at your home is gone.

118
00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:54,122
- Thanks to me.
- What?

119
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,771
You know that stinky garbage
outside your home?

120
00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:59,764
I, as Sue, had a private
company take it away.

121
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:02,090
What? Why would you do that?

122
00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:03,605
AMY: That was not a good idea, Gary.

123
00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:05,762
That wasn't the reaction I was expecting.

124
00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:07,649
Oh, come on, Gary.
Everybody in Garbagetown

125
00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:09,404
has to live with the stink except for the

126
00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:12,245
(IN BRITISH ACCENT)
uppity princess in her perfumed palace.

127
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,168
Is what other people would say.

128
00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:16,924
I'm not saying that. Not me.

129
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:18,411
Wait a minute, hold on now.

130
00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:22,485
So now some private contractor
who has not been vetted

131
00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:26,281
could go through all of my trash
and put it up on the...
132
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:28,681
On the Internet?

133
00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:30,489
I'm sorry, ma'am. I didn't mean to do that.

134
00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:32,250
You've got to go and get
the garbage bags back.

135
00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:35,483
Okay. Yes, ma'am. Wait, how am I gonna
know which bags are yours?

136
00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:37,841
(INHALING WITH GREAT EFFORT)

137
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:40,605
Do you want to let me know
some of the things that are in the bags?

138
00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:42,882
(COUGHS) Can I talk to you privately
just for a second?

139
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:43,961
Yeah, sure.

140
00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:48,280
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- What the...

141
00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:49,685
- I don't know.
- Fuck.

142
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:03,007
(COFFEE MACHINE BEEPING)

143
00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:07,884
- SELINA: Be quick.
- Yes, ma'am.

144
00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:14,240
SELINA: So me and the Speaker,
I think we're gonna end this.

145
00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:16,282
Well, POTUS knows
we have to get out of shutdown ASAP.

146
00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:17,964
It's fucking us all every which way.

147
00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:20,691
Yeah. Uh, speaking of which...

148
00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:23,131
- Ma'am?
- Um...

149
00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:26,528
I've been seeing Andrew.

150
00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:29,564
Seeing him?

151
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:33,281
Like, um, you would see
someone for lunch or a game of cards?

152
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:35,124
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

153
00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:38,568
I mean, we've been having lunch
and then we've been having sex.

154
00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:40,404
And not really cards so much.

155
00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:42,562
Just, you know, just, like, sex.

156
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:44,529
- Oh, God.
- Amy, can you tell me what to do?

157
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:46,045
- Honestly?
- Yeah.
158
00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:49,121
You dump him overboard
like the toxic waste he is.

159
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,567
- He will kill your career.
- Oh, come on, Amy.

160
00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:54,763
It is just so good.

161
00:06:54,840 --> 00:06:57,286
You just have no idea.
And it's stress relief.

162
00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:59,124
You know, endorphins.

163
00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:02,090
Okay, then you see... See where it goes.

164
00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:05,240
- No, I have to end it.
- Yeah.

165
00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:07,044
But I can't.

166
00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:08,690
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

167
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:10,526
(DOOR OPENS)

168
00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:14,921
(SIGHS) I'm glad we talked.
On the same page.

169
00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:20,161
I don't actually have to
touch the trash, do I?

170
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:21,924
Yes, you've got to embrace it.
171
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,604
You've got to help me
get the garbage, put it in your car.

172
00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:25,967
We'll take it to the residence
and I'll help you get a passport.

173
00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:27,530
So you're the guys who
want your trash back?

174
00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:29,045
- Yeah. Are you Mr. Walker?
- Yes.

175
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:30,680
- Hey, I'm Gary Walsh.
- It's a pleasure.

176
00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:33,166
- Jonah Ryan. West Wing.
- Hi.

177
00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:35,242
- So, our trash?
- Your trash?

178
00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:37,561
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh.
- It's mine now.

179
00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:39,688
- So what's my end?
- Mmm.

180
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:43,321
Okay, sir, this is a government matter,
so it would be best if you cooperated.

181
00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:45,169
Are you threatening me, Pez head?

182
00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:49,165
Because we got a compactor that takes shit
and turns it into cubes.
183
00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:50,805
Okay. (LAUGHS)

184
00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:54,009
Could you just excuse us for one moment?
Thank you so much. (LAUGHS)

185
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:57,011
What the hell are you doing?
We have to offer him something.

186
00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:59,440
Why don't you offer to blow him
over by the recycled glass?

187
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:01,005
It would throw up
some interesting light effects.

188
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:02,520
That would be romantic, wouldn't it?

189
00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:04,924
It's a shame you're not going to London.

190
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:07,160
Okay, fine. You know what?

191
00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:08,890
I'm gonna offer him a
tour of the West Wing.

192
00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:11,088
Civilians love that shit.

193
00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:13,049
They get so hot for it,
I call it the Wet Wing.

194
00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:15,240
- Okay, that's disrespectful.
- It's a building, Gary.

195
00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:17,282
- It doesn't have feelings.
- It has a spirit.
196
00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:18,771
No, it doesn't.

197
00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:22,970
Sir, uh, Mr. Walsh and I would
love to offer you a private, exclusive tour

198
00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:25,042
of the West Wing of the White House.

199
00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:26,720
- Oh, sure, that sounds like fun.
- Great.

200
00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:28,000
Oh, wait. Did I say fun?

201
00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:32,529
- I meant like you think I'm a dick.
- (LAUGHING) What would you like?

202
00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:36,166
- I would like a visit from the Vice President.
- Uh-huh.

203
00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:38,208
- Oh.
- I'd like to have her take a tour.

204
00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:39,930
I think it'd be good for business.

205
00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:42,930
"Vice President applauds shit compaction."

206
00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:46,363
Okay, we can do that. Yeah.

207
00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:52,928
Boy, I had forgotten
how nice this office was, Jim.

208
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,525
It is nice, isn't it?
209
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,682
These chairs are worth a fortune.

210
00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:58,808
- Are they?
Uncomfortable as hell, though.

211
00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:00,291
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Right?

212
00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:03,569
Well, people in the old days
lived in discomfort most of the time.

213
00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:06,007
- Oh, well, that's true.
- They were laced into their clothing.

214
00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:08,048
- Hmm.
- Freezing cold or hot as hell.

215
00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:11,363
- Hard chairs and they all stank.
- Tough times. Tough times.

216
00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:14,046
- Yeah, and I'm just talking about the 1970s.
- Okay.

217
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,566
I'm not. I was thinking
of the 18th century.

218
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:19,484
- The wigs, so on.
- All right.

219
00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:23,326
So, um, I think we're pretty close
on a budget deal here.

220
00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:26,244
(STAMMERS) I think we just need you
to move a scooch more.
221
00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:28,561
- Oh, I'm not moving.
- You're not moving?

222
00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:31,723
Not with you, ma'am.
You have been hung out to dry.

223
00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:33,683
I just got a call from <i>Politico.</i>

224
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:37,009
They just did an interview with the
President and they called for my reaction.

225
00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:38,684
Just now? What are you talking about?

226
00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:41,286
- Do you not know? You haven't. All right.
- I have not seen...

227
00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:45,571
I will read the President's words
without inflection.

228
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,764
"Slide to unlock."

229
00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:52,084
"Selina Meyer is a feisty operator
and a fine VP.

230
00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:54,766
"She tried her best to
prevent this shutdown,

231
00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:58,128
"working long hours, but
it was a tough call."

232
00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:00,004
Subtext, ma'am, (SIGHS)

233
00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:01,761
you failed.
234
00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:04,684
And you are being blamed personally
for this government shutdown.

235
00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:07,286
Okay, first of all, I did
not hear that subtext.

236
00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:10,125
I hear text, and the text that I hear

237
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:13,602
is a feisty and successful VP.

238
00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:14,886
Oh, I don't think he said successful.

239
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:16,450
Oh, I know he said successful.

240
00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:19,240
- Well, that wasn't in those words.
- That's what you just read to me.

241
00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:21,408
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, feel free. Yeah, read it back.

242
00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:23,767
"Selina Meyer is a feisty operator
and a fine VP."

243
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:26,207
- No successful.
- Fine and successful are synonyms.

244
00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:28,681
- You're grasping at straws.
- I'm not grasping for straws.

245
00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:30,922
What with this

246
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,082
and with all those stories
about your ex-husband,

247
00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:34,889
there's a lot of poison coming

248
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:38,043
from certain enemy congressmen.

249
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:42,487
- Roger Furlong?
- Uh, If you say so. It's all beans to me.

250
00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:45,928
Madam Vice President, you have been
squeezed out of the budget deal.

251
00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:48,691
It's tough, but I don't care.

252
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:50,808
Now you see why we have the hard chairs.

253
00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:53,287
Hardly worth you sitting down.

254
00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:57,445
You know, Jim, you're a lot older than me.

255
00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:01,687
If you die within the next six years,

256
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:04,684
I will be attending your funeral

257
00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:08,242
and giving a eulogy
when POTUS sends me there in his stead.

258
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:11,685
And it is gonna be full of subtext.

259
00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:14,488
Chock-full of subtext.

260
00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:18,170
Well, I look forward to that.
Oh, wait, I'll be dead.

261
00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:20,849
DAN: Honestly, Sidney,
I'm looking at being furloughed

262
00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:22,445
- as an opportunity.
- Oh, yeah.

263
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:25,000
Get out there,
touch some bases, face some faces.

264
00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:27,202
So what you're saying is
your career has stalled.

265
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:28,884
So now you and your slack pussy
want to make

266
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,367
big bucks as an oil lobbyist, right?

267
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:32,646
- Welcome, gentlemen.
- Hello.

268
00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,769
- Today's specials are the cuttlefish...
- Let me stop you right there, sweetheart.

269
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:37,882
- You're gonna pick up the tab, right?
- Yes, that's on me.

270
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:39,880
Great. I'm gonna have
the most expensive starter,

271
00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:43,208
the most expensive entre,
and a $200 bottle of champagne.

272
00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:46,523
- Yes, sir.
- Uh, you know, I think I'm gonna keep it light.

273
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:49,291
I'm gonna go, uh,
chicken salad and a Diet Coke.

274
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:53,206
Nonsense. Give him exactly what I'm having.
And we will split the champagne.

275
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,044
It's our first date.

276
00:11:57,680 --> 00:12:01,685
<i>My husband was killed 15 yards
from a ranger's station.</i>

277
00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:04,411
This is the most fucked-up story.

278
00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:06,687
I mean, killed by a bear?

279
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,888
<i>FEMALE REPORTER: No park rangers
on site due to the shutdown.</i>

280
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:10,246
And a black bear. That's the weird part.

281
00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:12,084
They rarely attack people. That's weird.

282
00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:14,766
Right. That's what I was...
Then he must have goaded him.

283
00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:17,969
He must have hit him with a stick
or done something stupid.

284
00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:20,042
Taunting him or forcing the bear to dance.

285
00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:22,282
- Bears don't like to dance.
- Would you dance, please?

286
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:24,931
- There's not a happy bear in show business.
- Or he tried to fuck the bear.

287
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,606
MIKE: He tried to fuck... (LAUGHING)
BEN: Like Grizzly Adams.

288
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:29,842
- AMY: Oh, jeez.
- Enjoying yourselves?

289
00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:31,251
- We were.
- Are you laughing

290
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,322
at the violent death of a young man?

291
00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:37,081
- Yeah, pretty much.
- I thought you were on furlough, Kent.

292
00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:38,764
Forgot my noise-canceling headphones.

293
00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:40,490
Guess what I just heard.

294
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:43,484
I'm not here. Ergo, my
ears aren't here either.

295
00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:45,929
Okay. POTUS's quote

296
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,526
in his soon-to-be-released
<i>Politico</i> interview

297
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:52,491
in which he blames me
for the government shutdown.
298
00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:54,050
- What?
- Exactly. What?

299
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:55,770
- It was implicit.
- SELINA: Implicit?

300
00:12:55,840 --> 00:13:00,289
Implicit like a "kick me" sticker
on my keister would be implicit?

301
00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:02,522
Uh, Madam Vice President, greatest respect,

302
00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:04,967
but it has been the job
of the VP over the ages

303
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:07,850
to take it in the ass
to save the President.

304
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:09,046
Yeah, let me tell you something.

305
00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:11,282
This ass is closed for business.

306
00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:14,170
This ass is in clench-down.
I don't want to be a decoy.

307
00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,891
Let the President take it in the ass.
He might like it.

308
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:21,966
<i>These powerful men and women,
they couldn't agree on anything.</i>

309
00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:23,485
SELINA: You've got to be kidding me.

310
00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:27,326
Now I'm to blame because some goober
got all eaten up by a bear?

311
00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:28,970
You've got to get
your press guys on this, okay?

312
00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:31,884
- Yes, ma'am.
- Ma'am, um, this is in Minnesota, right?

313
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,281
- (SIGHS)
- So Governor Chung is gonna be all over this

314
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:35,885
- like a bear on an idiot.
- Of course. That's right.

315
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,526
At the very least,
let's get in front of something

316
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,489
and get in touch with this widow.

317
00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:42,642
- Yeah. Did you hear that, Mike?
- Uh-uh.

318
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:44,165
The bear widow.
Get in touch with the bear widow.

319
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,526
As well as get in touch
with the press guys?

320
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:47,250
Yeah, as well as
get in touch with the press guys.

321
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,687
<i>Two things.</i>
Call <i>the Guinness Book of World Records.</i>

322
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:52,160
Oh, no, no, don't, don't,
because that would be three things.

323
00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:55,328
So you're really not
gonna eat that lobster?

324
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:56,401
Oh, no, I hate lobster.

325
00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:59,000
You know, Dan, um, we could use you.

326
00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:00,570
How do you feel about swindling

327
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:03,450
a bunch of sister fuckers
out of their land in Nebraska?

328
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:06,000
We're trying
to skirt a pipeline through their backyard

329
00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:07,445
and they're not a fan for some reason.

330
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,522
Oh, you want to get rid
of some farm folk, huh?

331
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:12,080
Consider me
your well-groomed dust bowl, my friend.

332
00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:14,606
Hey, ooh! Boy, you made it twitch.

333
00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:16,523
But if you really want
to make my dick dance,

334
00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,602
why don't you tell me
what's going on in the VP's office?

335
00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:20,648
Ooh. (CLICKS TONGUE) Ah.

336
00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:23,690
(STUTTERING) Well, you know,
I can't really be too specific.

337
00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:25,370
Sure, sure. No, we can, uh...

338
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:27,204
Why don't we come up
with some kind of code?

339
00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:30,204
(STAMMERING)
Here, the VP will be the lobster.

340
00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:32,886
Amy, greens. We'll call Mike carrots.

341
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:34,371
Dan, you can be shrimp.

342
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:35,441
Do you see what I did there, Dan?

343
00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:36,800
- I made you shrimp.
- (CHUCKLES)

344
00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:39,525
Boy, I just wish I ordered
a plate of useless assholes.

345
00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:42,646
But you go to war with
the army you have, right?

346
00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:44,563
Okay, I think the lobster

347
00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:46,642
is getting back together
with her ex-husband.

348
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:50,247
The greens are only
barely keeping it together.

349
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:54,723
- Mike... The carrots are, uh, drowning in debt.
- (CHUCKLES)

350
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:58,566
And, uh, this little shrimp wants to
hear more about this Nebraska deal.

351
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,608
(LAUGHS)
Want to go to the corn belt, do you?

352
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:02,364
I want to hit it. I want
to hit it hard for you.

353
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:04,363
Oh, well, tap your ruby slippers together

354
00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:07,091
and wake the fuck up.
There is no job, Dorothy.

355
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:09,481
But I'm very impressed
that you would turn on

356
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:12,245
all of your compadres
there in the Vice President's office.

357
00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:15,642
So why don't you take your little vanilla
Thriller dance over to Danny Chung?

358
00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:19,122
He's the shiny turd
rising to the top of the bowl right now.

359
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:21,248
You like turds, don't you, Dan?

360
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:24,005
Yeah. No, no, no, no.
361
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:26,811
That's really not what I meant.
You misunderstood, honestly.

362
00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:30,487
When I said fault,
I meant that it wasn't your husband's fault

363
00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:33,928
because bears are naturally hungry.

364
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:38,369
Does that make sense? Hello? Hello?

365
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,284
Oh, was that Mrs. Doolittle?

366
00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:42,771
- Yeah.
- And?

367
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:44,763
- Very emotional.
- Well, of course.

368
00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:46,041
Yeah.

369
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:50,446
What? Oh, Jesus.
All right, Amy, we're gonna have to get Dan

370
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,807
to go to Minnesota, do some widow work.

371
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:55,690
- Dan's on furlough.
- Yeah, I know he's fucking furloughed

372
00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:57,205
because I'm the fucker who furloughed him.

373
00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:59,282
And by the way, where is Gary?
374
00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:00,805
He's still getting the garbage.

375
00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:04,089
Well, okay, if he's not back soon,
we're gonna have to un-unfurlough Sue.

376
00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:05,650
Un-unfur...

377
00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:07,360
- We'll have to get Sue back.
- AMY: Okay.

378
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,846
Yeah. And I want to meet with Furlong.

379
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:14,530
It's not happening. I'm
not getting in there.

380
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,489
- Unbelievable.
- (BAGS RUSTLING)

381
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:17,766
Oh, God!

382
00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:21,202
Oh, please. Please. You think this is bad?

383
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:24,602
Wait till you get to London.
Everything smells like urine.

384
00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:26,284
Even the food.

385
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,010
Okay, found it.

386
00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:30,242
- How do you know it's hers?
- Shut up. I found it.

387
00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:36,404
- SELINA: Oh, my God, that pizza was good.
- Mmm.

388
00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:38,767
You know, I don't eat
pizza very much, Roger.

389
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:41,320
But when I do,
it just makes me so fucking happy.

390
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:44,449
- Thank the Chinese for that.
- What?

391
00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:46,522
- The Chinese invented pizza.
- No, they didn't.

392
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:48,443
- Yeah, they did.
- Listen, Roger,

393
00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:51,364
let's talk about all these
stories going around

394
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:54,523
about Andrew's land deal
and our relationship.

395
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:56,887
Oh, my God, all these
whispers, these rumors.

396
00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:58,724
Who knows where any of that's coming from?

397
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:01,690
The point is there's boxes and
boxes of this stuff out there.

398
00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:03,280
- I know that. That's a fact.
- Uh-huh.

399
00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:06,085
That's as much a fact as Will's impotence.

400
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:09,569
- I don't think that's appropriate.
- Ah, he doesn't mind. Do you, Will?

401
00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:11,046
Whatever works, sir.

402
00:17:11,120 --> 00:17:13,043
- Right, see? Team player.
- Yeah.

403
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:17,205
Yeah, I got a pretty impressive
deck of cards here, ma'am.

404
00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:18,850
No kidding. I love to play cards.

405
00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:20,046
- Do you?
- Yeah.

406
00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:22,043
- What's your favorite game?
- Shanghai.

407
00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:24,407
- I would have guessed Old Maid.
- (CLICKS TONGUE)

408
00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:26,290
- Want to play Go Fish?
- Sure.

409
00:17:26,360 --> 00:17:27,964
- Why don't you lay 'em out?
- All right.

410
00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:30,850
- Queen. The boxes I just mentioned.
- Uh-huh.

411
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:32,126
Boxes full of dirt.
412
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:33,964
- Right.
- Explosive dirt.

413
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:35,485
- Hurty dirt.
- Oh.

414
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:37,562
Yeah, you can
start calling me the Hurty Dirty Man.

415
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,130
Yeah, I'm not gonna call you that.

416
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:40,725
- All right.
- (LAUGHS)

417
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:42,962
I'm not. What's your king?

418
00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:46,527
Could be Chung time.
Everybody Dan Chung tonight.

419
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:48,170
Danny likes boxes.

420
00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:50,766
And then?

421
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:53,330
Well, I can't predict the future.

422
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,243
Ooh! (LAUGHS)

423
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:58,961
- Roger Furlong, look at you being all coy.
- (LAUGHS)

424
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:00,844
You are, man.
425
00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:03,048
You're a coy boy. So what?

426
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:05,691
You'd make some sort of a deal with him?
Is that what you're thinking?

427
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:09,242
For some sort of senior position
in his administration?

428
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:11,084
- Stranger things have happened.
- Uh-huh.

429
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:12,650
Stranger things could happen.

430
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:14,526
- Boom.
- Boom.

431
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:18,924
You want to make a deal with me?
Have a place in my future administration?

432
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,810
Wow, that came out of nowhere,
didn't it, Will?

433
00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:24,770
It's like a sudden monsoon in Goa, sir.

434
00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:28,561
Sudden monsoon. They predict those
things weeks in advance, you idiot.

435
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:31,888
<i>Hey, did you ever see Silence of the Lambs?</i>

436
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:35,567
Oh, yeah.
That scared the living shit out of me.

437
00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:38,644
I know, it's hard to believe that
they have female FBI agents.

438
00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:39,966
- Oh!
- I'm kidding.

439
00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:41,520
- I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
- (LAUGHS)

440
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,403
I love that kind of misogyny.

441
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,881
- I love misogyny like that.
- Yeah, it's the best kind.

442
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:47,485
Well, anyway, the point is you got

443
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,130
- these two characters, right?
- Right.

444
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,965
That seem to be so different,
but they can come to an understanding

445
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:53,644
and they can actually work together.

446
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:55,529
You know what? You make such a good point.

447
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:57,570
You make such a good point.

448
00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:59,369
(CLEARS THROAT) Uh...

449
00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:01,408
Just to be clear, Roger,

450
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:06,681
you're not asking for anything
and I'm not agreeing to anything.
451
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:08,364
Okay.

452
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,649
Obviously, I can't say anything explicitly.

453
00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:14,405
Neither can you. You understand that?

454
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:16,280
Will, do I understand?

455
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:18,765
Yes, you do, sir.

456
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:21,405
Did you hear what we said, Will?

457
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:23,845
No, ma'am.

458
00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:25,445
- Team player.
- Yeah.

459
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:27,005
- I like it.
- Yeah.

460
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,322
All right, she's on her way,
so we'll just put this in her car.

461
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:32,768
- Did you check the oil?
- No. Who the fuck checks their oil?

462
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:34,490
- Everyone.
- (HORN HONKS)

463
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:36,848
JONAH: Oh, hey, Sue's here.
GARY: Oh, thank God.
464
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:39,366
- Thanks, Sue.
- You're welcome, Gary.

465
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:40,566
- Hi, Sean.
- Hey, gentlemen.

466
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:41,721
- Nice to see you.
- JONAH: Sue, grab a bag.

467
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:43,370
We're gonna be the shitty Sopranos.

468
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:45,010
Just don't get any mess on my dress.

469
00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:47,646
My mess on your dress. I like this...
Sorry.

470
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:49,364
You're paying to have
my car cleaned after this.

471
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:51,442
Okay, first, no touching.
Thank you. And I'm not.

472
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,204
SUE: Okay, come on. Let's
get this over with.

473
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:55,521
Oh, God, there's no way
I'm gonna fit in here.

474
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,683
It's bigger than your mother's womb
and you were in there till you were 15.

475
00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:01,326
GARY: Oh, my God.
SEAN: There you go.

476
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,323
JONAH: Oh, God, I'm touching it.

477
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:05,243
- GARY: Something's wet. Something's wet.
- Ugh. Okay.

478
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:06,810
JONAH: It got on my ID badge.

479
00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:08,882
SEAN: Watch your legs, Lurch.
SUE: All right, guys.

480
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:11,770
JONAH: Who buys a coupe?
SUE: Oh, gross.

481
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:19,368
People will say he shouldn't have been
there. But he's dead, for God's sake.

482
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:21,010
- I know.
- (SOBBING)

483
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:22,650
I know. I know. I know.

484
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:25,963
I keep thinking about his last moments.

485
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:27,961
Yeah.

486
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:29,684
<i>DANNY". So how is the widow holding up?</i>

487
00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:33,443
She's crying a lot. Like a shitload a lot.

488
00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:36,126
She's upset. Husband eaten, etcetera.

489
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:38,726
She's a big fan of yours, though.
You should talk to her.

490
00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:41,525
I don't know. It could look opportunistic.

491
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:44,888
But heroes don't get to choose,
they get chosen.

492
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:48,362
Speaking of chosen, how is Dan.com/Egan?

493
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:50,761
- I'm still a fan.
- And you should be, Danny.

494
00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:52,285
- I'm fucking awesome.
- (LAUGHS) You are.

495
00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:55,603
Sadly, though, Selina and Kent Davison
are blind to my destiny.

496
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:57,569
See, they're thinking like it's the 1990s.

497
00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,449
I'm thinking like it's the 2020s.

498
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:00,931
You got 20/20 vision, huh?

499
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,081
- Zowie!
- You like that?

500
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:03,844
See, I need more of that on my team.

501
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:05,445
You offering me a job?

502
00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:07,921
Oh, I don't have any immediate vacancies,
but I will.
503
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,923
In six years' time, you and me,

504
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,446
Oval Office ordering a
pizza and an air strike.

505
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:14,602
Thin crust, extra warheads.

506
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:17,251
Get the Rolling Stones
to perform in my fucking living room.

507
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:19,084
(BOTH LAUGHING)

508
00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:21,005
20/20, yo.

509
00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:24,044
(CELL PHONE RINGING)

510
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:27,520
Ma'am?

511
00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:29,801
SELINA: <i>Dan, your 15 minutes
of furlough are over.</i>

512
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,247
I need you back. To the Bastardmobile.

513
00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:33,685
Yeah.

514
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:38,528
You know, I didn't realize
how good I was at this job

515
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:40,364
until someone else did it so badly.

516
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:42,442
- Different isn't bad.
- No, bad is bad.

517
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:45,000
Okay, so what do we got
on the decks for today, huh?

518
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:46,605
We got that NASA meeting?

519
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:48,762
No, it looks like the NASA
guys had to reschedule.

520
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:50,365
Oh, crap. I wanted to meet the NASA guys.

521
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:52,124
Gary, they don't even walk
on the moon anymore.

522
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,123
They're basically a bunch of nerds
who work in a hangar.

523
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:55,690
So what do we got instead?

524
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:58,331
You have a visit to
the waste management plant in Fairfax.

525
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:01,843
Okay, I don't know what is the most
depressing word in that sentence.

526
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:03,684
All you got to do is
go meet the garbage guys, you know?

527
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:06,087
Make it look like you're getting
your hands dirty with the common man.

528
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:07,491
Get some pictures for the press.
529
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,642
A nice little puff piece. I set it up.

530
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:12,491
- You're furloughed, Mike.
- Without pay?

531
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,251
Yeah, that's how it works.
Go sign the paperwork on Amy's desk.

532
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:16,765
Try renting out your fucking boat.

533
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:18,251
MIKE: Ma'am, look, I had no choice in this.

534
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:20,448
Gary's the one who promised
the garbage guy a visit.

535
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,569
Gary wouldn't do something that idiotic,
would you, Gary?

536
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:27,690
Well, under certain circumstances,
a garbage service...

537
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:29,250
SELINAI (GASPS) Ah!

538
00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:30,685
Yeah, no, no. I get it.

539
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:32,967
- I understand now.
- Yeah. Whew.

540
00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:34,366
- Hey, Gary.
- Yeah?

541
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:35,601
- You're furloughed.
- No!
542
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:36,841
I'm sorry. I got Sue.

543
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:38,487
(SIGHS) No.

544
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:40,324
You got to sign the
paperwork on Amy's desk.

545
00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:41,727
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

546
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:42,881
Ma'am?

547
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:46,123
Gary mentioned you might be able to
get my passport renewal fast-tracked.

548
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:49,522
Okay, Gary, get out. Go
fuck yourself, Jonah.

549
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,364
Uh, ma'am, I'm G8 advance team.

550
00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:55,604
Go, period, fuck, period,
yourself, exclamation point.

551
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:57,284
But, ma'am, I helped with the garbage.

552
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:02,561
Oh... You helped with the garbage?

553
00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:05,609
Yeah, I helped with the garbage.

554
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:07,561
Um...

555
00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:08,687
- Sue.
- Yeah?

556
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:10,250
Could you, uh, get in touch

557
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:12,800
with what's-his-fuck at
the State Department?

558
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:15,326
(IN BRITISH ACCENT)
A doff of the cap to you, my lady.

559
00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:16,561
- AMY: Ma'am.
- Yeah?

560
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:19,405
Did you just furlough Gary and Mike
when I was in the bathroom?

561
00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:23,041
I did. So Sue's the new Gary
and you are still the Amy.

562
00:23:23,120 --> 00:23:24,246
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

563
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:26,322
Hey, hey. What have I missed?

564
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:29,006
She is furloughing
indiscriminately into the crowd.

565
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:31,048
Uh, Amy, a quick word.

566
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:38,448
Please don't tell me
you got it on with the widow.

567
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:41,928
Tell me honestly.
Where do you think Selina's heading?
568
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:43,800
What's making you doubt her?

569
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:46,969
Land deal shit,
fake relationship shit, shutdown shit.

570
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:49,042
You left out that she just
did a deal with Roger Furlong

571
00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:51,600
and is becoming
semi-dependent on antidepressants.

572
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:53,682
Oh, well, what could possibly go wrong?

573
00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:56,611
SELINA: Okay, Sue, let's go.

574
00:23:56,680 --> 00:24:00,366
Ma'am, I am so sorry
that I could not get you the widow.

575
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:02,727
Yeah, that was
what I would call a massive fuckup.

576
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:04,962
- Yeah.
- Well, the newspapers are suggesting

577
00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:08,203
that I am responsible
for the grisly death of some idiot.

578
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:12,046
But I'm on my way to a garbage dump,
so that's a positive, right?

579
00:24:12,120 --> 00:24:13,610
Well, that's a good attitude to have.

580
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:16,690
Amy, why is everybody else
in charge of my image except me?

581
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:18,762
- We've got to do something, Amy.
- Okay.

582
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:21,491
Ma'am, the dump has
a contaminated sludge delivery at 10:15,

583
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:22,925
so we have a very limited window.

584
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,321
Okay, I just... I just want to think...

585
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:28,569
We just need to think
with our heads for a minute.

586
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:31,326
(SIGHS) Maybe get me on TV?

587
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:33,084
Well, <i>we don't want</i> to <i>do First Response</i>

588
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:34,960
with Janet Ryland or
anything, but I mean...

589
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:36,326
Oh.

590
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:39,931
Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a great idea.

591
00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:41,451
That's precisely what I want to do, Dan.

592
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:43,329
- Good.
- Oh, okay, then, yes. Exactly.

593
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:44,606
You know what? The more I think about it,
594
00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:46,808
she actually might be
exactly what we want to do.

595
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:49,127
- Uh-huh.
- She's respected, but she's not dangerous.

596
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:50,850
She's staid, she's stately.

597
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:55,209
She's old and cold and I'm warm and...

598
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:57,643
- Young?
- Young, exactly.

599
00:24:57,720 --> 00:24:59,210
And I'm a mother.

600
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:02,045
So we should round up Catherine,
at gunpoint, if we have to.

601
00:25:02,120 --> 00:25:04,248
And maybe Andrew.

602
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:05,967
Yeah?

603
00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:08,691
Honestly, all of America will be watching.

604
00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:11,684
If it doesn't land, then this could be
the end to this whole adventure.

605
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:14,206
(LAUGHS) Come on. Come on.
Melodrama queen.

606
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:15,964
SUE: Tick tock, tick tock. Sludge time.
607
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:17,804
SELINA: Yeah. This is
gonna be a great idea.

608
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:20,406
So call <i>First Response,
get this</i> thing underway.

609
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:22,289
We've got to un-unfurlough Mike and Gary.

610
00:25:22,360 --> 00:25:24,567
- Unfurlough.
- That's what I just said, Amy.

611
00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:27,803
Okay? So let's just throw
as many bodies at this as we can.

612
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:29,410
That's what we're gonna do.

613
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:34,286
You may want to wear this mask
in case the wind changes.

614
00:25:34,360 --> 00:25:35,805
Oh, really? No, I don't think so.

615
00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:38,008
I think... Mmm... Yeah, okay.

616
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:40,208
That's not a bad idea, actually.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

617
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:41,770
- it's great to meet you, Janine.
- (CAMERAS CLICKING)

618
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,684
Your bravery has been
an inspiration for us all.

619
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:47,525
Now look, ma'am,
I've allotted exactly three minutes

620
00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:49,568
- for small talk, during which...
- Okay, thank you, Sue.

621
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:51,085
Then after that, there's a maximum

622
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:52,730
- of 10 minutes for glass...
- Uh-huh. That's enough, Sue.

623
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:54,290
There are cameras. There are cameras here.

624
00:25:54,360 --> 00:25:56,601
<i>If there's anything I can</i> do...

625
00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:59,490
<i>It is so nice to hear someone say that.</i>

626
00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:01,770
<i>DANNY". If you need it, you got it.</i>

627
00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:04,084
<i>God bless you.</i>

628
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:06,561
This wildlife in the area,

629
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:09,484
I wonder how
it's impacted by this very facility.

630
00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:12,602
We get a lot of rats, if
that's what you mean.

631
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:15,684
Oh, well, that makes sense, doesn't it?
Of course, yeah.

632
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:18,280
<i>And he served
in the Coast Guard, is that right?</i>
633
00:26:18,360 --> 00:26:19,930
<i>Yes, sir.</i>

634
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,481
It would have been
a mighty privilege to have known him.

635
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:25,763
And I'm sure you know, Joe,

636
00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:31,609
that nationally we spend about $71
per ton of waste on recycling

637
00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:34,889
while we spend $86 per ton on collection.

638
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,361
Do you find this divergence troubling?

639
00:26:38,360 --> 00:26:39,964
Ma'am, I just shovel it.

640
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:41,883
- I don't account for it.
- Okay.

641
00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:43,246
(LAUGHS)

642
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:45,641
- This doesn't look great, does it?
- Uh...

643
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:47,963
Depends on which channel you're watching.

644
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:51,203
<i>I think we can all learn
from the incredible strength you've shown.</i>

645
00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:54,047
<i>- Are you married, Joe?
- Yes.</i>
646
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:56,521
<i>Ah. That's lovely.</i>