church has been re-
OCTOBER 2018
It's Reformation Sunday this
month in Protestant circles,
which for us Lutherans means
we're into the season of
questioning the benefit of the
thing. One particularly well-
stated article was written a few
years ago by ELCA pastor (and
Riverside Lutheran Bible Camp
staff alumnus)
Clint Schnekloth:
As it stands, Reformation Sunday is the
only Sunday of the entire church year
that commemorates a moment in the
history of Christianity rather than a
moment in the narrative of Scripture
itself. It is elevated and idealized
precisely because it is so unique. This
needs to stop.
Clint is absolutely right. Reformation Sunday
shouldn't be a celebration of one moment in the
history of Christianity. But I would argue that
we should change how we celebrate Reformation
Sunday rather than bury it, as Clint has
recommended.
Why? Because it's not THE Reformation
Sunday. True, we've set our liturgical calendar
to commemorate the date on which Brother
Martin posted his 95 theses for public
consideration (a mythological occurrence which
is historically questionable and overly
dramatized in most tellings). However, one
could (and I believe should) point out that there
have been moments like this throughout the
church's history, all of which are worthy of being
called reformation moments, moments where the
oriented toward the gospel, moved away from
the many, many roads down which our
distracted, narcissistic minds can take us. The
early inclusion and welcome of Gentiles; the
councils during which the doctrine of the Trinity
was debated (sometimes heatedly); the
establishment of a recognized Biblical canon for
the sake of clarity and gospel proclamation;
other reformers such as Wycliffe, Hus, Erasmus
(yes, Luther’s great foe was himself sympathetic
to some of Luther’s arguments for reform), and
many, many others; all of these moments can
and should be considered when we celebrate
Reformation Sunday. The Latin phrase ecclesia
reforma semper reformanda reminds us: the
church, reformed, is always reforming. The
world has changed much since 1517 - the church
must always seek the proper balance between
holding to those things which are eternal and
those things which meet the age where it lives.
It's been well documented that Luther was
horrified when he heard people referring to
themselves as "Lutherans." "I ask that my name
be left silent and people not call themselves
Lutheran, but rather Christians. Who is Luther?
The doctrine is not mine. I have been crucified
for no one," said the good Doctor (1522,
Admonition Against Insurrection). You could
take this argument and add it to the list of
reasons to bury Reformation Sunday. But to do
so would also be to hide the reasons FOR
celebration: those times when the Spirit has led
the church, usually kicking and screaming, into a
new reality. It's possible we are experiencing
such a time right now, and if so, we should give
thanks and celebrate that the Spirit continues to
work in such fractured vessels as our beloved
church.
----------------------------------

Hospitalized in September
Deaths
Les Mathre –(Doris Mathre’s husband,
Cheryl Hoffman, Diane Larson &
Larry Mathre’s father)
Bob Severson -(Gloria Severson’s son,
Mary Peterson’s brother,
Jacob Severson’s father,
Seth Hill’s step-father)
Ongoing Prayer Concerns
Gloria Severson Charlotte Hill Jim Phillips
Arlene Jacobson Kay Disbrowe Dennis Sills
Cooper Leeman
Missionaries Patrick & Jacqueline Bencke
Those in military service
Thank you to all who helped with the St. Petri
Senior Citizen Luncheon (75 years & older)
which was held on September 28th. It was a
great time for all!
----------------------
Thank you to everyone who stepped up and
helped the CARE group serve St. Petri during
September. So many willing hands made
accomplishing all of the jobs an easy task.
---------------------
Thank you to all who stepped up & volunteered
to serve Wednesday Senior Citizen Luncheons at
the Story City Community Center.
----------------------
Thank you to anyone who helped at Les Mathre’s
funeral. His family appreciated it very much!
------------------------------
OCTOBER IS
CLERGY APPRECIATION MONTH!
Please take a moment in prayer for Pastor Scott
and Kristin and to express your appreciation for
their hard work and dedication to St. Petri.
Your encouragement means a lot!
Thank you Pastor Scott and Kristin
for choosing to serve the Lord!
WELCA Report
October 11 2:00pm WELCA Circle
October 14 Quilt Sunday
October 20 Quilt shipping
October 29-31 9am-noon Quilt Making
QUILT SUNDAY
OCTOBER 14
St. Petri will dedicate
quilts that will be sent
around the globe.
The quilts, also, go to those in need locally
including to those at the Beloit Residential
Treatment Center and Bremwood.
There are special envelopes in each pew for
donations to help defray shipping costs ($2.25
per quilt) or you can make a contribution at
any time, just make sure it is marked "quilt
shipping." Thank you in advance for your
generosity - it is greatly appreciated!
**Come join the quilters in this mission 9am-
noon on the last Monday – Wednesday of each
month and enjoy fellowship, fun and food, as
well. Everyone is welcome!
OCTOBER BIRTHDAYS OCTOBER C.A.R.E. GROUP 2018
CARE Group Leaders
Oct. 1: Tim Patterson Cheryl Hoffman, Wanda Holm
Oct. 2: Ben Knutson, Margaret Peter, Cory & Jaye Anderson Hailey Anderson
Dave Wheeler Zach Anderson Doug & Kendra Braucher
Oct. 3: Marlene Helling Ben Chelsvig Irene Chelsvig
Oct. 4: Marissa Heers, Scott Ihle, Angie Roling, Joe & Kim Chelsvig Mark & Susan Clarridge
Jacob Van Brocklin Spencer Clarridge Mickie Franklin
Verlyn & Barb Frohling Vivian Gossel
Oct. 5: Noah Halsey
Ray & Donna Guard Charlotte Hill
Oct. 6: Verlyn Frohling, Marilyn Kolbe Paul Hjortsvang Ron Hoffman
Oct. 7: Ella Braucher, Austin Hobbs Al Holm Darrel & Mary Ellen Hubby
Oct. 10: Karsyn Lande, Diane Larson Scott Ihle Ordean & Liz Johnson
Oct. 12: Seth Hill, Jason Patterson Marilyn Lekwa David Murken
Oct. 13: Logan Andersen Pat & Mari Jo Murken Jim & Karen Nelson
Oct. 14: Spencer Peterson Curt & Deb Olive Alberta Olson
Jason Patterson Kevin & Peg Patterson
Oct. 16: King Brown
Tim & Abby Patterson John Satre
Oct. 18: Kay Disbrowe, Mary Nannenga Gloria Severson Jake Severson
Oct. 21: Jill Anderson, Wyatt Peterson Dave & Gail Sporleder Scott & Shelly Stevenson
Oct. 22: Hayden Gossel Zac Thiessen Gayla Thompson
Oct. 23: Kris Foss, Sawyer Hjortsvang Ted Tostlebe & Marilyn Hanson
Oct. 24: Carin Gossel, Betty Grinde
Oct. 25: Willow Hill, Kara Patterson
Oct. 26: Kole Knutson
OUR MISSION:
Oct. 27: Lorna Hoversten, Lisa Kalamaja, We are Disciples of Jesus Christ,
Diana Keech called to grow in Christ
Oct. 29: Charlotte Hill, Angie Stover, and to invite all to follow him.
Andrea Williams
Oct. 30: Ana Cruz
Oct. 31: Mary Wynia NOVEMBER C.A.R.E. GROUP 2018
CARE Group Leaders
Betty Grinde, Patty Hoversten
Lorene Anderson Audrey Bauer
Duaine Bostwick Garrett & Riya Brown
Grant & Joni Brown Gary & Hope Brown
John & Nancy Carlson Bev Christenson
John & Linda Fevold Kiersten Fevold
Michaella Fevold Carl & Evelyn Fink
Clark & Betty Grinde John Grinde
Erik & Lara Gustafson Megan Gustafson
Seth & Willow Hill Sawyer Hjortsvang
Jennifer Holdredge Paul & Karen Jacobson
Lisa Kalamaja Ben Knutson
St. Petri’s 29th Annual Turkey Supper Adam & Jane Lande Lowell & Becki Lande
Matthew Lande Robert & Maxine Lekwa
October 20th from 5-7 p.m. Brent McCaskey Jody & Roxane McCaskey
Menu: Roast turkey, dressing, corn, potatoes Weston McCaskey Mark & Pat Minnick
Janet Mitchell Janet Mortvedt
& gravy, coleslaw, cranberry relish, rolls, Paul Ness Randy & Kelsey Olson
homemade pie, assorted beverages James & Connie Phillips Howard Reisetter
Carry-out available at the north door Sheri Severson Shirley Stakey
Adults $12; 5-12 yr. olds $5; under 5 Free Rick & Angie Stover Chuck & Patty Van Patter
Paul & Heidi Vanden Hull Tim and Judy Watson
Wayne Williams
 UPCOMING EVENTS
October is Clergy Appreciation Month
Sunday, Oct. 14 Quilt Sunday
Sunday, Oct. 20 Turkey Supper
Sunday, Oct. 28 Reformation Sunday
UPCOMING EVENTS IN NOVEMBER
Sundays in November -St. Petri to assist
Bethany residents to Sunday worship
Nov. 4 Daylight Savings Time Ends
Nov. 11 WELCA Thankoffering Sunday
Nov. 21 Thanksgiving Eve Service at
Immanuel
Nov. 22 Thanksgiving Day
Nov. 22, 23 Office Closed
Nov. 26-28 LWR Quilt Making
St. Petri will be volunteering at Bethany Manor
for the month of November. We will be assisting
residents to chapel on Sunday morning.
If you would like to help, there is a sign-up sheet
on the table outside the church office.
We will need 4-6 people per Sunday. Please
arrive at Bethany Manor by 9:20 am.
“You shall put these words of mine in your
heart and soul… Teach them to your children,
talking about them when you are at home and
when you are away, when you lie down and when
you rise.” Deuteronomy 11:18-19
“Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his
benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals
all your diseases, who redeems your life from the
pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
who satisfies you with good so that your youth is
renewed like the eagle’s.” Psalm 103:2-5 ESV
~ another version ~
“With all my heart I praise the Lord! I will never
forget how kind he has been. The Lord forgives our
sins, heals us when we are sick, and protects us
from death. His kindness and love are a crown on
our heads. Each day that we live, he provides for
our needs and gives us the strength of a young
eagle”. Psalm 103:2-5 CEV
Seven days
without prayer
makes one weak!
Please contact
the church office
at 733-4623 or
stpetri@windstream.net to let us know your new
school address so we can keep our records up-
dated and send you our monthly newsletter. You
can also view the St. Petri calendar & newsletter
online at www.stpetrilutheran.weebly.com
 RIVERSIDE RECHARGE 2018
Theme: GROUNDED
The Lord’s Prayer
A Recharge is a
super fun fall
weekend event at
Riverside that is like
a whole week of
camp smashed into
40 hours! You’ll
have a ton of fun!
Cool music,
wonderful friends,
great food, games, activities, free time, Bible
studies, carpetball, foosball, awesome
counselors, fabulous skits, and a “no
homework guarantee”!! Everything begins
between 8-8:50 pm on Friday night and ends at
noon on Sunday. Registration forms on the
table by the church office, at
www.RiversideLBC.org or 733-5271.
Oct. 12-14 Juniors (Grades 3-6)
Oct. 26-28 Junior High (Grades 6-9)
Nov. 9-11 Junior High (Grades 6-9)
Nov. 16-18 Senior High (Grades 9-12)
TRINITY LUTHERAN IN ELLSWORTH
FREE MOVIE AND REFRESHMENTS
God’s Not Dead a light in darkness
at Trinity Lutheran Church
(1629 Dewitt Street, Ellsworth, IA)
Sunday, October 21st at 6:30pm
A CELEBRATION OF THE CLASSICS
The Music of Church and Culture
MONDAY, OCTOBER 29th 7:00PM
A program of Harp, Piano, Organ, Vocal Music
With “Celestial Strings” Rev. William Reister
(Harpist & Vocalist) and Susan Reister (Pianist)
COME TO THE HOLY LAND – ISRAEL
Come walk where Jesus walked for a 10 Day Tour
Departs January 21, 2019
Join Pastor Jon and Laura Rollefson
and Trinity Lutheran Church
Contact: Pastor Jon Rollefson at 515-836-4792 or
jonrollefson@hotmail.com
SCANDINAVIAN COFFEE
Bake Shoppe, Coffee Shoppe, Gift Shoppe
Saturday, October 6th 9:00am–3:00pm
Bethesda Lutheran Church
1517 Northwestern in Ames, Iowa
Scandinavian Pastry Buffet
Free-Will Donations appreciated!
Serving Bethesda Coffee and Tea!
Krumkake Cookie Demonstration!
Swedish meatballs for lunch!
515-232-6256
CELEBRATING OUR 150TH ANNIVERSARY
You are invited to First Lutheran in Dows, Iowa to
help them celebrate 150 years of Worship and Praise!
Sunday, November 4, 2018
Worship service at 10:00 am
Followed with a lunch & an afternoon program
(Program: “God makes all things new!”
Memories of past pastors, musical favorites,
historical pictures..)
Communion will be offered; Special music; Bishop
Ullestad & former pastors will be in attendance.
Questions? Contact Laurel Meester, Lay Pastor
ljmidthun@gmail.com
Rev. Tanner Howard, Worship Service Officiant
Thoward14@gmail.com
Deb Coldiron, Sesquicentennial Comm. Chair
dcoldiron@gmail.com
Heartland Senior Services
(Meals On Wheels) needs volunteers, especially
for the months
December – April. If
you can find time to
deliver, even one day,
please contact Connie
at Heartland ASAP at
233-2906 as she
works a couple
months ahead.
 October 2018, LSI Article
Warming Hearts with God’s Love and a Good
Pair of Mittens
Far too often, children arrive at LSI’s Beloit and
Bremwood Residential Treatment Centers with
very little in their possession.
We give thanks for Iowa congregations who
faithfully respond to these needs, year after
year! As winter approaches, LSI relies on your
loving support to meet the demands for winter
apparel for children and youth at Beloit and
Bremwood. Often, children in residential
treatment have little control over their lives, so
it’s important for us to give children the
opportunity, when possible, to shop for their new
coat or mittens. Because of this, we ask that you
please not donate articles of clothing. With your
generous financial donation, many children will
have the simple joy of choosing their new coat,
knowing that they are loved and cherished.
If you would like more information, please
contact Deb Whitford, LSI director of philan-
thropy and church relations, at 563-676-2065 or
Deborah.Whitford@LSIowa.org
Our Mission: Lutheran Services in Iowa responds
to the love of Jesus Christ through compassionate
service. LSI is an affiliated social ministry partner
of the Iowa congregations of the ELCA
(Evangelical Lutheran Church in America) and a
member of LSA (Lutheran Services in America).
We proudly serve people of all ages, abilities,
religions, sexes, gender identities, national origins,
ethnicities, races, and sexual orientations. Learn
more at www.LSIowa.org and
www.facebook.com/LSI.iowa.
A Loving Companion
When Tatyana came to LSI’s Bremwood
Residential Treatment Center in Waverly, she
was lonely.
She lost her mom at a young age, and her father
was incarcerated. She didn’t have anyone to
look up to, and the only way she knew how to
cope with trauma and anger was by yelling and
hitting. When she began seeing her LSI
therapist, she wasn’t comfortable talking about
her difficult past.
Then she met a new friend, Max. Max is a three-
year-old yellow Labrador Retriever, and a
friendly face to everyone he sees on
Bremwood’s campus. Thanks to a generous
donation by a local church and through a
partnership between LSI and Retrieving
Freedom, Max is now the official therapy dog at
Bremwood.
Max has been working with Tatyana for over a
year now. He sits on the sofa next to her during
every therapy session, which makes her feel
safe talking to her LSI team. Tatyana practices
calmly giving Max commands like “sit” or “stay,”
which is teaching her that her voice is heard
without needing to yell. She is using a calmer
voice when she talks to others on campus too.
The children and teens at Bremwood love
seeing Max each day. And when more children
like Tatyana walk through the doors for the first
time, Max is there, ready to be a friendly face
and let them know they will be loved and cared
for at LSI.
----------------------------------------------------------------
St. Petri Lutheran Church
Approved Council Minutes
August 8, 2018
Meeting called to order at 7:40pm
Minutes from July were presented by Linda
Fevold. Barb requested to amend the sentence “We
transferred the $7500…” to reflect the actual total
moved, reading “We transferred the $7507.58…”
Pat Murken moved to accept the minutes with
correction, Paul Wierson seconded. Approved.
Linda shared a letter of appreciation from Pastor
Mark Anderson regarding Pastor Scott and
Kristin’s help at WHYLDE this year. 28 high
schoolers attended, and there were over 600 youth
at the National Youth Gathering from our Synod.
Barb presented the Treasurer’s Report. As of the
date of the report, we were still $7,056.13 in
arrears on income. Ann Healy moved to accept the
financial report, Pat Murken seconded. Approved.
Committee Reports
Music and Worship
• September hymns chosen
• Discussion of color of altar clothes for
September
Outreach and Fellowship
• August 26 is Rally Sunday, a Baptism, New
Member Sunday. There will be a potluck.
• 3 welcome baskets are being prepared for New
Member Sunday.
• God’s Work Our Hands Sunday is September 9
• Senior Luncheon will be September 28
Property and Trustees
• More projects are on the line
• A note of appreciation for Diana Keech and
her donation of hostas to the church property.
Spiritual Life
• Adult ed curriculum picked for fall “Dialogues
on The Refugee Crisis” starting September 9th.
• First two weeks in November will be for
Assisting Minister/Lector/Communion
Assistant Training for any interested
• Training for communion visits will be this
Sunday following worship.
No report for Stewardship Committee was
presented
Youth Ministry
• This Sunday, August 12th is the Youth
Mission Banquet to share about the trip.
Location has changed to St. Petri to
accommodate for a visitation at Bergen
• Kids are back from the mission trip, which was
a success
• Kickball Kickoff for Youth Group is August
29, first official night of Youth Group is
September 5
• Reminder that 5/6 youth will meet first, then a
meal, then 7/8 youth followed by high school.
Youth Education
• Rally Sunday is August 26
• GIFT starts in September
New Business
• Community Interfaith Dialogue with the
Islamic Center in Ames
• Approached by Marian Olive about hosting
event at St. Petri, sometime in September.
Ann Healy motioned to approve the use of
the building, Barb seconded. Approved.
• Meeting Time
• Discussion over whether to change the
meeting time of Council back to 8pm or keep
it at the summer time of 7:30pm. Ann Healy
motioned to move the time of Council
meetings to 8pm, Pat Murken seconded.
Approved.
Staff Reports
Pastor Scott provided a report of his activities.
• Wedding for Adam Holm and Sarah Pagels;
Sydney Berends and Joshua Holmes. Funeral
for Tammy Horness, Alvin Pierce, Chad
Chelsvig, Carolyn Bostwick, Pauline Ness.
Internment for Eleanor Egeland. Did 8 pastoral
contacts.
• Personal & Sick Leave for July: July 5, July
30-31 (3 days)
• Total Leave for yr to date: 10.5 days, 1 Sunday
(20.5 days, 3 Sundays remaining), Sick Leave
54.5 days accrued
• LifeLight Festival in Story City on July 14th,
good reviews from all participants on the
festival this year. Hopes to do it again in 2019,
thanks to all who pitched in with volunteer
hours.
• Attended the first round of state softball
tournament on July 17th in Fort Dodge.
• Special note of thanks for the July CARE
groups for their hard work during the month of
July.
Kristin provided her report of activities.
Highlights (as suggested by her).
• Helped to line up volunteers for the children’s
tent at the LifeLight Concert
• Planned and led Summer Stretch
• Created the Bible study booklet with each
day’s lessons and devotions for youth
• Planned out the worksites, following up
when changes needed to be made
• Coordinated with the churches where the
programs were held each day
• Led the mission trip
• Spent a week alongside our youth and adults
as we were the hands and feet of Christ in the
Crow community.
Executive Committee Report
President Fevold declared the meeting adjourned at
8:35pm. Council closed with the Lord’s Prayer.
Recording Secretary, Megan Gustafson
--------------------------------------------------------------
 TO THINK ABOUT:

“Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on

earth about anything you ask, it will be done for
you by my Father in heaven.” Matthew 18:19

Faith is the only thing that pleases God.

Should we be more afraid of unforgiveness than a

sack of rattlesnakes? Read below:
“For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be
compared to a king who wished to settle
accounts with his slaves. When he began the
reckoning, one who owed him ten thousand talents
was brought to him and, as he could not pay, his
lord ordered him to be sold, together with his wife
and children and all his possessions, and payment
to be made. So the slave fell on his knees before
him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will
pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the
lord of that slave released him and forgave him the
debt. But that same slave, as he went out, came
upon one of his fellow slaves who owed him a
hundred denarii; and seizing him by the throat, he
said, ‘Pay what you owe.’ Then this fellow slave
fell down and pleaded with him. ‘Have patience
with me, and I will pay you.’ But he refused; then
he went and threw him into prison until he would
pay the debt. When his fellow slaves saw what had
happened, they were greatly distressed, and they
went and reported to their lord all that had taken
place. Then his lord summoned him and said to
him, ‘You wicked slave! I forgave you all that debt
because you pleaded with me, Should you not have
had mercy on your fellow slave, as I had mercy on
you?’ And in anger his lord handed him over to be
tortured until he would pay his entire debt. So my
heavenly Father will also do to every one of you,
if you do not forgive your brother or sister from
your heart.” Matthew 18:23-35
 Wednesday’s Youth Group Night
5th/6th 5:45-6:30pm Supper 6:15-7pm 7th/8th 6:45-7:30pm HS 7:30-9pm

Attention:
Confirmation Youth
8th—9th Graders and their
parents
Time: 6-7:30pm
October 7th at St. Petri
October 21st at Bergen

Youth Group Info about

Wednesday, Oct 31st
5th-8th Graders there will be 7pm Friday, Oct 12th thru 6am
NO Youth Group this night. Saturday, Oct 13th
9th-12th Graders will have a Meet at Bergen @ 7pm
youth and parent meeting at on the 12th
7:30pm to discuss the Mission
Trip for 2019.

Halloween Mystery Meal

For BOTH MS and HS Youth
Wednesday, October 24th at 6:30pm
Join us for some monster brains and
skeletal pieces. It will be a night you
won’t forget…if you live to tell about it.
Mooooohahaha!
 MS 5th Quarter
st
On Friday, September 21 we had 80 MS youth who
enjoyed large group games, pizza and root-beer
floats. It was a great night of fun, food and fellowship.
 (Growing In Faith Together)

(and runs every Sunday morning from 10:45-11:30am)

THIS MONTH we’ll be learning about Saul to Paul and Tabitha!!

You can expect skits, puppets, hearing God’s word, learning some sign language
and even doing projects with your hands. There’s something for EVERYONE.

Our Cross+Generational Ministry Goal: To offer quality faith formation and

Spiritual direction for everyone together, whatever their age may be.

Faith Formation Schedule

The 'Confirmation' program at St. Petri Lutheran church actually begins in the PreK and continues
through the 10th Grade and beyond. The strength of our Faith Formation program lies in the fact
that our children and youth are learning in the presence of the generations who have gone before
them. So those in Kindergarten through 6th Grade will have a one afternoon session with their
parents or a trusted adult, led by Pastor Scott, to discuss various topics. The following will be the
schedule for 2018-2019. The sessions will be offered Sunday evenings from 4-5pm.

1st Grade The Lord’s Prayer Sunday, November 11th

2nd Grade Apostles Creed Sunday, January 27th
3rd Grade Intro to the Bible Sunday, February 24th
4th Grade Worship Sunday, April 7th
5th Grade Sacraments Sunday, October 21st
6th Grade 10 Commandments Sunday, March 24th

**Please note that the Sunday following your class, the children/youth will share in worship what
they learned in their class. So mark those Sunday's down as well.
 From the desk of Kristin Johnson
I read an article by the author and psychologist Lisa Damur and I thought she offered some great
insight into this topic about parents wanting to ‘snoop’ on their teenagers. Below is this article.
Is Snooping on Teenagers Ever O.K.? By Lisa Damour
Adolescence comes with a thorny problem: Teenagers suddenly yearn for privacy just when their
lives are expanding to include a range of risky new opportunities.
Whether or not they have something worrisome to hide, normally developing tweens often start to
shut their bedroom doors and become cagey about their time online. And when teenagers act aloof,
their parents often feel tempted, if not duty bound, to secretly search bedrooms and surreptitiously
scan online activity to ensure that their child isn’t engaged with drugs, drinking or digital misdeeds.
Spying on teenagers, which most parents don’t actually do, belongs to the category of parenting
tactics with which I deeply empathize and almost always counsel against.
For starters, there are potential legal complexities. “Parents have the right to surveil their own
children,” noted Avidan Cover, an associate law professor at Case Western Reserve University, “but
those rights don’t always extend to other children or adults. They can get into murky legal territory if
they find themselves surveilling other participants in a conversation.”
Then there’s an obvious problem shared by spies at every level: At what point do you reveal that
you have been spying? Some parents might willingly blow their own cover, hoping that the potential
boost to their teenager’s safety will outweigh the inevitable loss of their teenager’s trust. Others
might maintain their surveillance, trying not to get caught while they continue to collect data. Both
are precarious positions.
Helpfully, recent research calls into question the utility of snooping and suggests better approaches
for parents who are concerned that something might be amiss.
Adults who suspect their adolescent is up to something may feel compelled to cross privacy
boundaries, but research on Dutch families found that the teenagers of prying parents weren’t
misbehaving any more than those whose parents didn’t snoop. Notably, the same study instead
linked parents’ snooping to their worries about the strength of their relationship with their teenager.
According to Skyler Hawk, the study’s lead author and an assistant professor at the Chinese
University of Hong Kong, “the act of snooping seems to say more about what the parents are feeling
than what their kids are doing.”
For parents who find themselves fretting about their connection to their teenagers, a new study in
the Journal of Adolescence suggests that snooping is unlikely to make things better. A survey of 455
adolescents found that teenagers who believed their parents had secretly listened in on their
conversations or searched through their possessions without permission shared less information
with their folks than teenagers who felt their parents respected appropriate boundaries. This result
lines up with another study finding that parental snooping may trigger or perpetuate a cycle in which
adolescents become more and more furtive at home.
“When parents engage in behaviors that teenagers see as privacy invasions,” Dr. Hawk said, “it
backfires because parents end up knowing less.”
So, if parents suspect that their teenager might be in trouble, what should they do?
The prevailing wisdom suggests a straightforward solution: Start by asking. Though teenagers are
usually tight-lipped about topics they deem personal, such as how they spend their free time or
allowance, research on parent-adolescent communication shows that teenagers believe their
parents do have the right to know about choices that might be unhealthy or unsafe, such as smoking
or drinking.
 However, according to Judith Smetana, a professor of psychology at the University of Rochester,
“This finding comes with a twist: If kids are already involved in risky behavior, they tend not to tell
their parents.” In such situations, teenagers said they feared that their parents would respond with
disapproval, punishment or both. Accordingly, Dr. Smetana suggests that we might preface our
questions about risky behavior with the reassurance that, “We’re not going to get mad and you’re
not going to get in trouble. We just want to know that you are O.K.”
If things are not O.K. — perhaps the teenager owns up to harrowing weekend activities — at least
the problem is out in the open and the parents have made clear their stance of aiming to shield the
adolescent from harm rather than dish out discipline. And parents of teenagers should settle in for
some ongoing negotiations. Even when all is well, parents and teenagers routinely disagree about
what should be considered private.
“Adolescents consistently think that they should have more autonomy than their parents think they
should have,” Dr. Smetana said. “And just when parents have worked one thing through,” she adds,
“they will find that there’s a new topic to hash out because teenagers’ autonomy is always
increasing.”
As Dr. Hawk advises parents, “Keep in mind that you are not going to get past adolescence without
having some kind of conflict about privacy.” To that I would add that raising teenagers invariably
comes with a measure of anxiety, especially when children who used to share themselves with us
warmly and freely come to seem distant or inscrutable.
If that anxiety becomes overwhelming and our efforts to communicate fail to bring clarity, might
snooping ever be warranted? According to Dr. Hawk, “If done at all, it should be reserved for
extreme circumstances when there is really no other recourse. And parents should be prepared for
adolescents to react very negatively, regardless of what is found.”
The impulse to snoop, like every other questionable parenting choice, almost always comes from a
loving and protective place. Rather than giving into it too quickly, though, we might treat the urge to
spy as a reminder to reflect on where we stand with our teenagers. Do we trust them, and do they
trust us? If not, what steps could we take to arrive at a heartfelt yes? .

Cross+Generational
Trunk-or-Treat Night
Join us on Sunday, Oct 28th for an evening of fun, food
and candy! Potluck supper begins at 5:30pm. We’ll then
head to the parking lot around 6pm trick-or-treat from
trunk to trunk. We hope ALL ages can join in the fun!
 This year the Endowment Committee gifted the Youth
Ministry Program with money for special items and
programing. With this money we have been able to:

Purchase school
supplies for
children in our
community: our
Summer Stretch
youth put the
supplies
together.

Cover all the meals

for our Wednesday
night Youth Group for
the 2018-2019
school year.

Purchased 2
basketball hoops
for our parking lot
(with the help of
Chuck Egemo’s
Memorial too)

Future
Purchase of
Angle Tree
gifts for
children
in our
community