Documente Academic
Documente Profesional
Documente Cultură
Khoa Le
25 February 2018
Parent-Child Relationship amongst Soviet Jewish Americans regarding Education and Love in Gary
offspring are interwoven to one another by a sequences of mandatory obligations and spiritual
traditions. People in various societies dignify parents with reverence. In immemorial Judaism, it
appears to be more crucial than its contemporaries in commanding that parents should provide
their children with solid substructures for the future. We withal cognize that in Judaism parents
and children interrelate not only for obligatory or moral reasons, but a sign of honoring God as
well. Throughout the study of reminiscent literary works written about the Jewish Americans,
USSR (Union of Soviet Socialist Republics) Jewish origins trying to accommodate himself in the
juvenility to the American way of life; and an anthropomorphic love relationship which awaited
for years to blossom between the protagonist and his wellspring. Shteyngart sprang his beautiful
memoir with a bitter nostalgia in the childhood “I’ve returned to St. Petersburg to be carried
away by a Nabokovian torrent of memory for a country that no longer exists,” (15) and following
entity and destiny of a delicate, fragile son born to a dynamic, eccentric Soviet Jew family, who
immigrated to the United States in the late 1970s, in their melodramatic approach to parenting,
advertently furnish that son to become an American successful writer- an “asthmatic immigrant
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paper, I assert that Shteyngart’s fourth book and first memoir Little Failure treasures a potential
power of a Jewish child in conquering himself to prevail his parents and the world out there that
he is apparently a can-do being, and the Jewish parents’ education of “spare the rod, spoil the
child” with a hidden boundless love would wing children to grow more prominent. My objective
in this paper is to psychologically analyze Shteyngart’s endeavors with his parents to develop
himself throughout hardships when his family settled to the States and his parents’ different way
of upbringing, as he uttered, “the wonderful stuff, the humor, their value on education, the fact
that they kept up Russian with me- which was instrumental in my ability to write books”, to
illuminate the vigorous love for children from parental generation and the honored one in return.
Modern readers of Jewish American genre are familiar with the name Gary Shteyngart
not only because he is a Russian Jewish immigrant- a sampling epitome might be read- who is
tragic in love but wealthy in satirical sense of humor, stranded with domestic misgiving but
thriving in literary writing. He is moreover a fragile asthmatic boy who succeeded in managing
with barrier of language, self-evolvement, familial relationship, extrinsic impact, et al… while
exposing the comedic radioactivity from the collision between cultures. Born to a Russian Jewish
family in Leningrad (now St. Petersburg) in 1972 whilst the countries witnessed the sensitive
reformation. His parents left their hometown bearing a hopeful dream for better life in a better
world after the Soviet-American trade agreement: “Russia gets the grain it needs to run; America
gets the Jews it needs to run” in Vienna between President Jimmy Carter of the White House and
Soviet leader Leonid Brezhnev (Rosenberg 424). At that instant, our protagonist aged seven and
everything forthwith turned newly dissimilar to him. He started learning English, befriended with
various kids from different backgrounds and cultures. Due to the language acquisition process at
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the early age, he did not shed his Russian accent until he became juvenile teenager (fourteen).
Having grown up in a household without media entertainment like TV would take the positive
responsibility for his adoration in books and literature. His pieces of literary work somehow was
profoundly inspired by the greatest Russian authors of preceding times. Being descended from a
colossal realm Russia, he is proudly aware of his identity and lives up with the personality that
he himself defines even though he was soaked into the two different worlds full of “messianic
visions” (Shteyngart). He journeyed to Prague where he gave birth to his premier novel The
Russian Debutante's Handbook in, set in the fictitious European city of Prava, won 2002 which
won the Stephen Crane Award for First Fiction, the Book-of-the-Month Club First Fiction
Award and the National Jewish Book Award for Fiction. Later 2006 he published the fictional
work Absurditan. In June 2010, Super Sad True Love Story was launched and won the 2011
Bollinger Everyman Wodehouse Prize for comic literature, which brought him one spot in The
New Yorker magazine's “20 under 40” luminary fiction writers. His non-fictional work as a
memoir Little Failure, thirty-five years later he settled in the U.S, was a finalist for the 2014
National Book Critics Circle Award. He is a graduate of Stuyvesant High School in New York
City, Oberlin College in Ohio, Hunter College of the City University of New York. Shteyngart
now locates in the Gramercy vicinity of Manhattan. He has taught writing at Hunter College, and
Having caught readers’ initial attention is an ironic title of the book, Little Failure. As he
would utter the nickname, in Anglo-flubbed Russian Failurchka, comes from his mother
regarding him as her pet son. They called him Little Failure for the reason that his results at
Stuyvesant High School were not bad but not good enough to give him a spot in Ivy League
college, which gives them a disappointment and despair that they “may as well have never come
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here.” (219). Utterance Little Failure is repeated nearly 10 times throughout the book. I asserted
himself to be sick and “runny nosed” more often in the childhood and also in his maturity, his
father called him Soplyak, or Snotty, which draws us an imagination of a slovenly child with
snotty nose. His mother was inventing “an interesting fusion of English and Russian” name
Failurchka.
Because I was sick That term made it from her lips into the overblown manuscript
of a novel I was tying up in my spare time, one whose opening chapter was about
me know that my parents weren’t the only one to think that I was nothing. (4)
Shteyngart also suffers an asthma which prostrates him all the time to breathe like a tiny
fish out of water and its lungs are swollen to store the air, revealed Shteyngart, “it looked
vaguely like a child overdressed for a ceremony. Like a little red-faced, tiny-bellied falure.” (8).
Or it comes down to his self-assumption that his mother diminished in her way of regarding her
son, “my mother’s favorite childhood diminutive for me? Little Failure? No! It was Solnyshko.
Little Sun!” (10). Mr. Gary Gnu is super sophisticated in selecting the word “sun” not only
because it represents for the light, warmth, existence on earth, but also hints the reader of its
homophonic pair of word “son” as he is her spirit, soul, liveliness or whatever matters to be good
to her. She as a Jewish mother would not tell her son that he is her vitality of life. But her son
His parents might confront with their troubled marriage. His father was a working-class
mechanical engineer. And his mother, from a comparatively-cultured family, was a piano teacher
at a kindergarten. “The couple are handsome and hale, and evidently bewildered by the scrawny
and sickly creature they have created.” (Lennon). They fell in love, fell into trouble with each
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other, having a privileged life in their own apartment centered Leningrad than they would ever
be in the States. It would take him most of his life to figure out that his parents are too dissimilar
boy, from difficult stock, and my mother is from a Petersburg cultural class, a
class that has its own problem but whose miseries are laughably minor by
father, hers are pretentious false. Neither of them in entirely wrong. (21)
His parents never tells him to become writer and he would have known that “immigrant
children have to go into law, medicine” (140). Jewish parents desire their children to become the
best of all. They wish to have strong emphasis on their offspring’s profession, marriage, and
even lifestyle. They believe that education is essential component for the future success; and also
because the matter of fact that “you have to study, so that you won’t be like me” (Yakhnich 393).
It is stated that in psychological research that parental generations always want to be give their
younger generations whatever called “the best”: best education, best service, best living
standard… because they could have suffered from the misery in the previous years or in their
entire life. We can see that they sacrifice for their children with betterment. They also require
much from their children’s achievements in return that they must be a doctor, a dentist, a lawyer,
or earn a profession which can bring more fame and prosperity for the family’s pride and
prospect. This phenomenon is not only seen in Jewish religion, or in immigrant families, but also
in Asian countries. Parents believe that their kids must be their pride and always comparing their
children with other kids surroundings. This wonder would intendedly cause a lot negative
pressure on children’s psychology for their natural development. However it would coincidently
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bring plenty of positive results in the future life. As it was narrated in the book, we are able to
observe that Shteygart’s family categorizes itself with Protective Family typology of parent-
adolescent interaction patterns, defined Shapiro in his research Perceived Family Structure as an
child is encouraged to get along with others by steering clear of the controversial
realm of ideas. Not only is he prohibited from expressing dissent, but he is given
little chance to encounter information on which to base his own views. (450)
Gary Shteyngart would bear his hatred over his parents for his dynamic movement in the
younger adulthood. He psychologically describes his vigorous desire under the oppression of his
mother’s doubt: “but what kind of this profession is this, writer? You want to be this?” (4) to
become a writer. The word this was italicized in the book somehow implies the sarcasm and
disapproval that she would throw them over her son’s face. Yet the dream of becoming a
successful write is always burning inside of him, which his grandmother used to encourage him
to write in exchange of cheese. His desire was so gigantic that could crush his parents’ prejudice
Misfortune little Shteyngart could neither resist his mother nor father. “I read on the
Russian Internet that you and your novels will soon be forgotten” (39), revealed his father on his
mother’s birthday in View Restaurant of Marriott Marquis Time Square after he read an online
comment by a blogger. As a fragile child, he could not believe in his eyes that his father would
straightly and hurtfully punch those words into his face. He was attacked and spoiled and
speechless:
Father
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innermost. Gary’s italic sentence brings us to light that his heartful longing to get a nearer
approach towards his father. He doesn’t want to hold up the conversation against his father for
his judgement. He surely wants to deny his father’s idea of underestimating him and stands up to
convince them that he can make it, begging for a trust to carry a try on him. Their way of
education seems to be bizarre that they are fond of giving strict judgements; however, by means
of giving you kind of positive pressure for your self-improvement. His father’s favorite saying
towards him “Maybe after I die, you will come pee on my grave.” (321). It seems to be satiric
book Call me by your name (2007) by André Aciman, which was adapted on screen in 2017 and
the movie has earned 4 nominations (Best Picture, Best Leading Actor, Best Original Song, Best
Adapted Screenplay) in the upcoming Oscar 2018, hints me an idea of another different Jewish
upbringing. I would dig further this novel out of Little Failure to illuminate the power of love
within Jewish parent-adolescent interrelation. The conversation happens between Elio, a 17-year-
old-boy, and his beloved father after the farewell with his totally intimate male friend- Oliver-
who is a PhD student of his father. His parents figures out that Elio and Oliver, both of them
were born into Jew family, have a blooming friendship or even more than their intimacy and
their son may struggle with his unspeakable secret for this entirely beautiful romance, juvenile
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purely love. The father sophisticatedly unfolds the story in a way that it doesn’t hurt his son.
Because he would know that his son and his assistant student might never truly find again the
experience which marks them for a lifetime. Psychologically understanding that, he lures the talk
and gives his son more freedom, reliability and confidence for the open talk in this beautifully-
worded prone:
[Elio’s father]
“Parce que c’était lui, parce que c’était moi” [Because it was him, because it was
me- Montaigne]
Perhaps you never wished to feel anything. And perhaps it’s not with me that
you’ll want to speak about these things. But feel something you did.
You had a beautiful friendship. Maybe more than a friendship. And I envy you. In
my place, most parents would hope the whole thing goes away, or pray that their
sons land on their feet soon enough. But I am not such a parent. In your place, if
there is pain, nurse it, and if there is a flame, don’t snuff it out, don’t be brutal
with it. Withdrawal can be a terrible thing when it keeps us awakes at night, and
Then let me say one more thing. It will clear the air. I may have come close, but I
never had what you had. Something always held me back or stood in the way.
How you live your life is your business. But remember, our hearts and our bodies
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are given to us only once… Right now there’s sorrow. I don’t envy the pain. But I
We may never speak about this again. But I hope you’ll never hold it against me
that we did. I will have been a terrible father if, one day, you’d want to speak to
me and felt that the door was shut or not sufficiently open.
But even if she [Elio’s mother] did, I am sure her attitude would be no different
In the similar context of Father-Son conversation, there is a contrary way of education via
communication. Elio’s father is more luring to let his son speak by understanding and support.
Shteyngart’s father would choose to give more sharp judgements, straight criticism and
sometimes severe humiliation as if he would determine that is true without any doubt or examine
again when Shteyngart tells his father that he starts psychoanalysis: “It would have been better if
you told me you were homosexual”, actually he is not. Both families are typical instances for the
parent-child typology, one is Protective Family, the other is Pluralistic Family as Shapiro
categorized:
thus, he can make up his own mind without fear that reaching a different
conclusion from his parents will endanger social relations in the family. (450)
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Swinging back into Shteyngart’s family reveals unfolds the story of his protective
mother- a Jewish iconic statue of affection and protection. “My son is sneezing, what should I
do?”, hyperventilates his mother. And then the nurse instructs her to say “Bless you” to her son. I
may assume that the overprotection is always in their mind, or is that the fear of the external
danger which might harm their children. Parents, or Jewish mothers appear as symbol of caring
and guardianship. This episode reminisces us about a natural habit in animals to protect their
babies, for instance, a scene of mother hen would take care and protect her little chicks from
danger and mortality. As a human being, we also protect our offspring from risk and menace.
Shteyngart’s mother, in his childhood mind, she would be a loud mother always complaining,
yelling, shouting and scolding at him. However, we can interpret it is the way that she was trying
her best to take care of her son, finding him a part-time job as a “staff writer” at an immigrant
resettlement agency where she was working, or showing her anxiety when her son left the house
for university for the first time being away from home, or hiding herself somewhere to wait for
her son after school and walk him home, or unnecessarily warning him not to get vaccinated
when he is about to travel to India “because they will give you autism” (320)
Our Little Failure would suffer these strange behaviors, judgements, criticisms, scolds,
shouts for his childhood and he might hate them, or bear a hatred inside. But all of his responses
silence.
…
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When he tells me that one of my post-college girlfriends is too fat, that he’s
personally affronted by her weight, although he does “respect her right to exist”,
there is a silence.
When my mother tells me…that I should get vaccines “because they will give you
Silence instead of the yelled rebuttals, the peeing on the grave. (321-322)
The quietness does not reflect his disability of communicating with his parents. It may
reflect a reticence in his personality. He is silent because he is aware of being a Jewish child who
should honor his mother and father by dignity and morality; and above all, not contradict his/her
Biblical Talmud, “There are three partners in a person–the Holy One of Blessing, one’s father,
and one’s mother. The Holy One of Blessing said [to the ones who honor their parents], ‘I rest
over them as if I dwelled among them and they honored me.’” In the online article Jewish
Parent/Child Relationships, written that: “Parents are seen as partners in God’s creation of each
human being; therefore, to honor one’s parents is to honor God. Similarly, to display disregard,
Our protagonist constantly bears in his mind plentiful suspicions about his parents’ life
and behavior which can be responsible for who he is today. On the other side, he is trying his
best to conquer his dream of becoming a writer, in reverse to pursue the vocational opportunity
that his parents envisioned. He considers his youth “as a kind of tuning fork for my parents’
fears, disappointments, and alienation,” and because he was expected as a boy to succeed quickly
and wildly in “a country we thought of as magical, but whose population did not strike us as
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being especially clever.” He questions himself why they put a lot of pressure on him, why their
expectation is so dominant. Is it because the immigrants' desire for their children to receive a
good Jewish education, maybe better than the parents had before? Or is any secret hanging
And within that silence, time itself has stopped. Within that silence, the words
hand the air, fluttering in Cyrillic, not entirely painless but without the power to
Don’t get any vaccines. They’ll give you autism. Don’t write like a self-hating
Jew. Don’t be a mudak. Soon you will be forgotten. How can I not hear the pain in
that? His pain? Her pain? How can I not publicize that pain?
And how can I not travel, across eight time zones, to its sources? (321-322)
Little Shteyngart would discover the reason why their parent’s behavior or treatment was
like. It is because his father has lived an uncomplete life due to his parent’s marriage failure. He
had been into mental breakdown when his best friend passed away. His voice and his wife’s
voice were destroyed when they went to musical school in Leningrad. He wouldn’t want to let
his son step on his nightmare trace. That is because of psychological reaction towards the
adolescence of parents in general, and Jewish parents specifically. He was craving for the
integration to find a job, join the Orthodox Jewish Community, try to make money with Kach
and Rabbi Kahane. Everything he has ever done is just to sacrifice his the family and for
Shteyngart. His endless love for his son shines so bright in the sky and reveals his inner thoughts:
“I burn with a black envy towards you. I should have been an artist as well” (42). And lastly, his
father would at least praise him: “The French Internet says your book is one of the best of the
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year!” or “they love you in France!” (42). His mother may give him a lesson of learning how to
save money when every single cent matters and counts. She told him her story when she got 5.
My father bought me a balalaika that cost forty rubles. This was the last money
we had and it was supposed to be used for food. My mother [Grandmother Galya]
took the balalaika and smashed it against the wall of our apartment. I started to
cry. My mother comforted me by saying, ‘I know you’re not crying not because I
smashed the balalaika but because you can see how upset I am. You’re very
sensitive.’ ” (335)
Little steps are never superfluous for him. So many questions and doubts were leaving
unanswered until the last chapter of book which has the same name with the first one: “The
Church and the Helicopter”. The Shteyngarts experienced a family reunion in the capital of
Russia in sunny summer 2011. They had a very good time with each other. His parents didn’t
call him Little Failure but with a lovely way Little Son. The moment they were visiting the grave
of Shteyngart’s grandfather in a sun-shining day with small narrations indicates that the love for
parents, for ancestors is also the way of honoring God when they spoke their religious language.
They were bound to each other by confessions. “Lord, who should sojourn in thy tabernacle?...
Who shall dwell upon thy holy mountain? He that walketh uprightly and walketh righteously and
speaks with truth in his heart… He that does those things shall be never moved.” (438). And it
may come down to the last lesson that Shteyngart could learn is to honor his parents with love
and respect in return, the lesson of being grateful for his ancestors and origins, the lesson of
being proud of his identity and patriotism. In their research, the Simons revealed:
For more than half of the respondents "being Jewish is very important"; if they
could be born over again, 90 percent would want to be born Jewish, and for 43
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percent "Jewish" is the term they believe describes them very well. These
reflect strong attachments. Less than ten per cent belong to, or are active in Jewish
Shteyngart’s literary style in Little Failure is accessible, effortless laughter but profound
contemplation. He barely tells his story for the world not because he wants to advertise himself-
inspiration and unceasing striving for the dream, for the betterment. He is fearless to expose his
private experience to remind readers how much significant education on younger generation is.
He doesn’t want to force people to be like his story, but at least, he leaves something unfold for
readers, especially parents and mature children to choose the way of parenting and
I went back and reread the three novels I've written, an exercise that left me
shocked by the overlaps between fiction and reality I found on those pages, by
how blithely I've used the facts of my own life, as if I've been having a fire sale all
approached a certain truth only to turn away from it, only to point my finger and
laugh at it and then scurry back to safety. In this book, I promised myself I would
not point the finger. My laughter would be intermittent. There would be no safety.
(317)
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A journey by helicopter back and forth with plentiful emotional tones depicts sufficiently
remembrances during our narrator entire life. Pilot Shteyngart excitingly roars his readers in the
very first page and perfectly land in the ground at the very last chapter. We, the readers, together
with him on clouds experience the laughter, anger, agony, happiness…and silently congratulate
him on his final approach to the unforgettable revelation. At the end, the sarcastic tone has ceded
its throne to the sentimental tone because our narrator has crowned his innermost emotion.
Throughout 25 chapters full of satiric prone, people may laugh out loud but realize how much
meaningful and sacred the parent-adolescent love would be. The breathtaking exposure at the last
of the book would bring the readers to tears not only because he has finally figured out the
question which has been treasured for years, but also the boundless love and ceaseless affection
have been pervasively blossomed between mature Shteyngart and his beloved parents. I would
consider the last chapter as an awakening of love after having been buried for a long time.
Closing the last paper-scented page opens our imagination of the appealing scene of light, colors,
sounds, flavors being interwoven amongst one another where our protagonist is highlighted,
where readers can find ourselves childhood remembrance with parents and family, memorably
innocent days of nourishing the adolescent dreams, the bright-shined dreams are keeping us
awake…at night.
---
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Works Cited
Aciman, André. Call me by your name, Atlantic Books London, 2007. Print.
Lennon, J. Robert. “Little Failure by Gary Shteyngart- Review” The Guardian, theguardian.com,
Rosenberg, Victor (2015). “Refugee Status for Soviet Jewish Immigrants to the United States,”
Simon, Rita J., and Julian L. Simon. “The Jewish Dimension among Recent Soviet Immigrants
to the United States.” Jewish Social Studies, vol. 44, no. 3/4, 1982, pp. 283–290.
Yakhnich, Liat. “Immigrant Parents in the Educational System: The Case of Former Soviet
Union Immigrants in Israel” Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology, vol. 46, no.3, 2015,
pp. 387-405
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