WHAT MAKES A MARRIAGE TO BE

CALLED “CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE”?

by Ven Dr I. U. Ibeme http://priscaquila.6te.net ; http://www.scribd.com/ifeogo ;
Click Here For PriscAquila Christian Resource Centre
Comment on The Chapel of Grace Blog: http://thechapelofgrace.wordpress.com

Postmodern time (produced by New Age individualism and Hippie countercultural

rebellion) is witnessing a growing subjectivism, revisionism, relativism, leading to
confusion and misunderstanding of every Truth and Standard. This is why many today
misconstrue what difference and distinction there are between Christian marriage and
other forms of marriages. There is even a rejection of the nuclear family and
parenthood! Confusion and disorder is an ungodly instrument of deception,
disorientation and destruction! Because you cannot do right when you are confused.

Many do not notice that when Abraham’s FAMILY under the Patriarchs became the
NATION of Israel, marriage was no longer a family matter only, but also a civil matter of
the State Law to be settled and validated at the city gate COURT of the city Presbytery
(Deut. 22:15; Ruth 4:11-13). When Israel went into Exile, the SYNAGOGUE was the city
courts equivalence for their exile camps. After Exile, Synagogues later became the
Jewish neighborhood assembly. It has remained the place for custody of the marriage
law among Jews TILL TODAY. The Christian local or city CHURCH is the Apostolic
equivalence of the Israel city Courts or the Jewish local Synagogues. It is also the
equivalence of the Greek city ASSEMBLY of city citizens. So what the Apostles called
MARRIAGE IN THE LORD (1Cor 7:10-11, 39) is not merely a matter of parental or
personal consent only, but a matter of ecclesiastical solemnization and covenant for its
validation. By this the Apostolic Church ensured that marriages are done in accordance
with the doctrine or ordinance of the Lord.

Traditional Marriages are dissoluble social contracts based on Traditional Rituals and
Customary Laws, while Civil Marriages are dissoluble social contracts based on State
Laws. Though these are legitimate within the scope of the laws establishing them, yet
for several scriptural reasons, such legitimacies do not suffice within the scope of
Christian Holy Matrimony. Christian Marriage is indissoluble spiritual covenant
solemnized on the basis of God’s Holy Ordinance as it is specially taught by Christ and
His Apostles (Mat 19; Mark 10; 1Cor 7; Eph 5).

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Every marriage is not merely dependent on private choice and consent but is subject
to the Spirit/spirits, rituals, ordinance, law and doctrine on which it stands legitimate.
There are varieties of marriage legitimizing ordinances, but it is important to note that
marriage is not only about sexual relations because it goes further to other non-coital
matters like legitimacy of offspring, basis for succession and rights of property heritage
long after the death of the married partners. Without first a marriage covenant joining
or a form of marriage ordinance and rite, consents and coital union alone cannot suffice
to constitute valid marriage.

1. Civil marriages originate from are based on various Civil ordinances that institute
them. For Civil Laws, only Court Marriage is Legal and could only be monogamous
though dissoluble, (outside this, any coital or cohabiting relationship by CITIZENS is
adultery or concubinage but not legally called marriage).

2. Cultural/Traditional marriages originate from and are based on various

Cultural/Traditional ordinances that legislate them. For Cultures, only Traditional
Marriage is Customary and could be polygamous and dissoluble, (outside this, any coital
or cohabiting relationship by NATIVES is adultery or concubinage but not traditionally
called marriage).

3. Islamic marriages originate from and are based on Islamic ordinances that institute
them. For Muslims, only Fatiha Marriage is Islamic and could be as far as tetragamous
and dissoluble, (outside this, any coital or cohabiting relationship by MUSLIMS is
adultery or concubinage but not Islamically called marriage).
Similar categories apply to instituting ordinances for people of other cross-cultural old
and new religions like Yehudi, Hindi, Passim, Shinto, Sikh, etc.

4. Christian marriage originate from and are based on the Christian ordinance that
institute it as taught by Christ and His Apostles. For the Church, only Solemnized
Matrimony is Christian and could only be monogamous though indissoluble, (outside
this, any coital or cohabiting relationship by CHRISTIANS is adultery or fornication and
not ecclesiastically called Christian marriage).

If you are Christian, you are not yet Christianly married until the Christian Church and
the Christian Truth/Ordinance are involved. You cannot claim or consent to be in a faith
and at the same time refuse to be guided or ruled by the same faith. That would be
HYPOCRISY or even APOSTASY.

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What makes a marriage to be called CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE is when the couple has
covenanted or solemnized or blessed their UNION ACCORDING TO CHRIST’S MARRIAGE
ORDINANCE AS ESPECIALLY TAUGHT IN MATT 19 AND 1COR 7. It is important to note
that the Church’s officiation for the Solemnization of Holy Matrimony is not about the
garments and merriments, but about pastoral guidance and ministration to assist the
couple comprehend, commit to and comply with THE DOCTRINE OF CHRIST ON
MARRIAGE.

So, “Christian” wedding is not necessarily what is dubbed “white” wedding today, and
white weddings are not necessarily Christian wedding. Wearing white lace gown for
wedding as a sign of purity and luxury, which came to be called “white wedding”, was
devised in the 1840s by Queen Victoria and popularized since then, but the Church had
for long before then solemnized Christian Marriages without white gowns from the
Apostolic times. Even after 1840, Christian Marriages are always duly joined or blessed
in the Church irrespective the dress the couple choose to wear. Today apart from
Christians, others also use white gowns for their marriages.

For Gospel believing Christians who uphold Christ’s doctrine, there are TWO
MARRIAGES – Mundane marriages (by Human contract ordinances) and Christian
marriage (by Divine Covenant Ordinance). These two are not on same platform.
Notice that while mundane marriages are contracted with exchange of payments and
dowers by several ordinances and authorities, Christian marriage is covenanted with
exchange of pledges and vows by Christ’s authority and doctrine.

Mundane (Traditional, Cultural and/or Civil) marriages are NOT based on indissoluble
ONE FLESH divine JOINING instituted in Eden by God prior to the Fall, but are
dissoluble humanly devised betrothals, espousals and engagements outside Eden after
the Fall of Humanity from God’s glory into sin. Couples simply start living together
HARDHEARTEDLY without regard to divine ordinance and validation but bring into
marriage adulterous divorce and polygamy and other aberrations or perversions.
Some even have various gradations of marriages as found in ancient Roman Law which
has three legal gradations thus:
1. Usus Marriage with only simple common consent but no groom-access price by
the bride, bride price by the groom, or bride-ownership/adoption sacrifice by the
priests – dissoluble without requirements but allows polygamous concubinage;

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 2. Coemptio Marriage with only groom-access price and/or bride price but without
bride-ownership/adoption sacrifice – dissoluble with restitution (Mar 6:17; Luk
3:19-20; 1Cor 7:12-16) but allows polygamous concubinage;
3. Confarraetio Marriage with both bride price and bride-ownership/adoption
sacrifice – indissoluble till death (Rom 7:1-3) but allows polygamous concubinage.

To the Jews, Marriage Procedures and Processes in Israel could take up to a year of …
1. First committed step is Family Betrothal and Bridal dower at the Bride’s family
home;
2. Next commitment is Legal Certification before the Rabbi as the legal Presbytery;
3. Next is the night Bridal Procession from the Bride’s home to the Grooms’ home
with those invited who are ready;
4. Next is the Marriage Supper (Wedding Banquet) with those ready and invited at
the Groom’s home;
5. Finally comes the Marriage Chamber by the couple alone after the supper has
dispersed.

Many miss the point of what HARDNESS of heart which Christ spoke in Mark 10:5 is all
about. It has to do with CULTURE that dishonours, disregards or disobeys God. Christ
was not making a new revelation about our human hardheartedness. God had told
Israel that they are a STIFF-NECKED people. So Christ was reminding the Apostles of an
obvious and old fact of human nature and culture and traditions of the Jews which
also applies to Gentiles and their cultures till today (Eph 4:17-20).

Therefore, mundane hardhearted Cultural or Civil and darkhearted Traditional

marriages belong to the people who desired such, contrary to that instituted at the
beginning as Christ pointed out and sought to restore in Mark 10:5-9. The world does
with marriage whatever seems rationally and emotionally convenient to them based
on their hardhearted Cultures. This marriage is powered by human passion and
founded on DEMAND-oriented relationship leading to relational scarcity.

Christian marriage is covenant joining belonging to God as He instituted it in the

beginning. The Church must do with marriage, only what is spiritually right with God
as He has commanded in the inspired Scripture. This marriage is powered by the Spirit
of Grace and wisely founded for a SUPPLY-oriented relationship leading to relational
surplus.

These two are not on same platform.

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Christians married before conversion should endeavour to solemnize their marriage in
the Church according to God’s holy ordinance. This is called Marriage Blessing. When
Christians approach marriage issues, they must be diligent to distinguish true marriage
solemnized in the Lord (1Cor 7:10-11) from the false marriages not solemnized in the
Lord (1Cor 7:12-15). For instance marriage is:

FALSE (I.E. MUNDANE) MARRIAGES:   TRUE (I.E. CHRISTIAN) MARRIAGES:

1).Between a couple who hold unto their
parents and so, remain separate as two.
2).Dissoluble by Man, Multipliable,
Polygamous, Homosexual.
3).Seeks to please people and subservient
to the world rather than to Christ.
4).Symbolises human infidelity.
5).Effected by payment of Dowry and
Bride Price set by the receiving party.
6).Validated by BETROTHAL from Parents,
Community, or false gods.
7).Non-binding, but valid as long as
interest lasts (1Cor. 7:12-16).
8).Based on demand and perquisites from
human viewpoint.
9).Biblically described as THE REST who
HAVE A WIFE/HUSBAND they live with
(1Cor.7:12,13).
10). Entered into according to cultural
ordinances for human ESPOUSAL or
BETROTHAL to please people or self.
1).Between a couple who leave their
parents and so, become joined as one.
(Mark 10:6-9; Ps. 45:10,16)
2).Indissoluble by Man, Exclusive,
Monogamous, Heterosexual.
3).Seeks to please Christ and operates
from heaven above the powers of this
world.
4).Symbolises Divine covenant fidelity.
5).Effected by Covenant Vows based on
standards set by Christ.
6).Validated by JOINING from God
through the Church and its Ministers.
7).Binding as long as life lasts and valid
till death (1Cor. 7:10,11,39; Rom. 7:1-3).
8).Based on duty and pledges from
divine viewpoint (Gen 2:18-23; Eph
5:22-33).
9).Biblically described as THE truly
MARRIED (1Cor. 7:10) IN THE LORD
(1Cor 7:39).
10). Entered into according to God’s
Holy Ordinance for Divine JOINING or
UNION to please God as its Author.

The basis of Christian marriage is not about white or black garments but about
COVENANT SOLEMNIZATION ACCORDING TO CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE ORDINANCE as
taught by Christ and His Apostles. EVERY MARRIAGE IS BASED ON AN ORDINANCE –
customary, civil, casual, cultic, or Christian – AND EVERY ORDINANCE IS RULED BY ITS
SPIRIT. The spirit a couple accepts as validation for their marriage is the spirit that would

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rule their marriage. Any marriage ordinance on which you choose to base the
validation for your sleeping and living together as husband and wife, inescapably
determines which spirit would rule your marriage union! The rest of the ordinances
could only be preparatory or supplementary.

Traditional marriages are entered into based on traditional customary troth formalities.
Civil marriages are entered into based on State civil troth legalities. To the Christian, the
mundane payments and troths of traditional and civil marriages fall short of the sublime
SPIRITUAL standards of the PLEDGES and the TRUTH learned from the marriage
ordinance as it was taught by Christ (Mat 19) and His Apostles (1Cor 7). Therefore at
their best, these non-Christian “marriages” could only serve as civil registrations or
customary betrothals and engagements, PREPARATORY to or SUPPLEMENTARY to
Christian Ordinance of covenant JOINING and BLESSING solemnized by the Church.

This is why it is important for those who are already Christians to understand that if they
want to marry, they should not live or sleep together until they have been covenanted
according to Christ’s Marriage Ordinance through the Church’s Wedding Solemnization.
Or if this has been missed for any reason, to renounce the authority of all other
ordinances and be covenanted according to Christ’s Marriage Ordinance through the
Church’s Marriage Blessing. This also means that their marriage relations and family life
should begin to be submitted to the Lordship of Christ and follow the truth of Christ’s
Gospel.

Many do not notice that the Apostles distinguished the “MARRIED COUPLES” whose
marriages were in subjection to the COMMAND OF THE LORD (1Cor 7:10-11) or who
were married IN THE LORD (1Cor 7:39) as opposed to the “OTHER COUPLES” whose
marriages were not in subjection to the command of the Lord but based on other
human considerations and validations (1Cor 7:12-16). The Apostles taught that Christian
Marriage was different from other marriages because it is an ordinance symbolizing
Christ's New Covenant love relationship with the Church (Eph 5:30-32).

The First Century Apostolic Fathers of the Early Church, did not only see Christian
Marriage as an ordinance instituted by Christ to symbolize His covenant with His Church,
but also documented that the Apostles were known to have instituted that Presbyters
of the Churches should join Christians in marriages according the Lord’s command,
regardless of Jewish, Greek and Roman traditional marriages. It is worthy of note that
the Apostle refrained from referring to these OTHER COUPLES as “married” by the
standards of the Church, though Christians so involved before their conversion should

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do all they could to remain in such un-Christian unions as long as the other spouse could
be retained until also converted to Christ.

Christian marriage ordinance as taught by Christ and His Apostles in the New Testament
Scriptures implies that marriage in the Lord is the covenant union of a man and a
woman AS CHRIST ORDAINED, to remain exclusively faithful to each other irrespective
of conditions of life (for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health), to
love and to cherish, till parted by death.

Authorizations and regulations that guide officiation or ministration of Christian

Marriage Solemnization may vary from Church to Church and Nation to Nation, but the
Scriptural ordinance for Christian marriage is one in the Church world over and through
the ages until recent postmodern times when relativism, revisionism and subjectivism
with attendant confusion have set in.

WHY IS THERE MODERN CONFUSION AND CONTENTION ABOUT CHRISTIAN

MARRIAGE?
Many have wrongly perceived and misrepresented the position of the Church on
marriage, because of confusion by modern libertines who clamour for UNBOUNDED and
LIBERAL marriage falsely hidden under PRETEXT of "tradition". These libertines and
revisionists agitate to neither follow the full tradition in their so-called “Traditional
Marriage” nor do they want to follow the Church's position on Christian Marriage.

The Church is NOT AGAINST parental consent and Traditional family marriage feasts or
in-laws festivities EXCEPT for idolatrous rituals used in the spiritual aspects of native
ritual blessing and traditional covenant joining. But the Church follows Christ to stand
that Traditional festivities and consents are INADEQUATE for Christian standards.

The Church wedding service explicitly asks for parental consent and for the personal love
and willingness of the couple before proceeding to join the couple in marriage covenant
with troths and blessings that derives from Christ's and Apostolic corrective teachings on
marriage (Matt 19:1-22; 1Cor 7). The Church also derive their position from the spiritual
Marriage example of Christ toward the Church. (Eph 5: 21- 33).

Jesus in Matt 19 is clear that the standards of all human traditions on marriages of both
Jews and Gentiles since Adam left Eden, has not respected or sought to conform to the
divine joining standard set by God in Eden.

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One obvious and clear departure is that all these traditional joinings or troths or
covenants are based on acceptance of divorce and polygamy. And among pagans full
traditional marriage also invokes idolatrous spirits ancestors and clan deities on the
land.

The Apostolic Church was set to either ABSTAIN FROM MARRIAGE ENTIRELY (Mat 19:11-
12; 1Cor 7:6) or INSIST ON MARRYING DIFFERENTLY (1Cor 7) by departing from what
Jesus has denounced in Jewish and Gentile marriages (Matt 19:8-9). The Church also set
out to restore what Jesus has declared as the divinely instituted marriage IN THE
BEGINNING (Matt 19:4-6), which divine intention for Marriage the Apostles described as
marriage IN THE LORD (1Cor 7:39) done as UNTO THE LORD (Eph 5:22).

Unfortunately, people use arguments and contentions as well as Media bandwagon

pressure to confuse these issues. But no true Christian need give any heed to such
heretic agitations by spirits of error.

May God lead us to Christian Marriage and give us Christian Homes.

Below is a proper Order of Service for Blessing of Marriage for those already living as
family based only on customary formalities or civil legalities, in order to bring them up
into due Christian marriage covenant.

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 Order of Service for Marriage Blessing
1. PROCESSIONAL HYMN OR SONG
2. EXHORTATION
3. THE AFFIRMATION
4. THE BLESSING OF MARRIAGE
5. THE MINISTRY OF THE WORD AND PRAYERS
(a) Bible Reading
(b) Hymn for Sermon
(c) Sermon
(d) Prayers
6. OFFERING
7. FINAL PRAYERS AND BENEDICTION
8. SIGNING OF THE REGISTER
9. RECESSIONAL HYMN OR SONG

OFFICIATING MINISTERS
Venerable Dr Ifechukwu U. Ibeme
CHAPLAIN
The Chapel of Grace, UNIMAID

Rev Sunday Daniel

ASSISTANT CHAPLAIN
The Chapel of Grace, UNIMAID

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 Order for Blessing of Marriage
The service of Blessing of Marriage is officiated pastorally in the Church
to dedicate to God and covenant together according to Christ’s marriage
ordinance a man and his wife who, only on the basis of customary and
civil requirements, have already began living together as a family.
The service is to be conducted in Church but both man and woman would
process into the Church together.
The woman should wear any dress but neither white/off-white garment
nor veil her face.

1. PROCESSIONAL HYMN OR SONG

A HYMN may be sung or played for the COUPLE TO MARCH IN
together.

2. EXHORTATION
All sit, as the minister reads the INTRODUCTION:

N… and N… you stand here as man and wife in the presence of God to
dedicate your life together to Him that He may consecrate your marriage
and empower you to keep the covenant and promise of marriage according
to Christ’s holy ordinance.

Marriage is an honourable state instituted by God in the time of man's

innocence and signifies the union of Christ with his church. The Lord Jesus
honoured a marriage at Cana in Galilee with his presence and there
performed his first miracle. The Bible teaches that marriage is to be
respected by all. It must not be entered into lightly or merely to satisfy
physical desire, but with prayer, careful thought and reverence for God,
duly considering the purposes for which marriage was ordained.

First, marriage was established for the mutual companionship, help and
comfort that husband and wife should provide for one another both in
prosperity and adversity. Secondly, it was established in order that the
natural instincts and affections, implanted by God, should be hallowed and
directed aright. Thirdly, marriage was established for the procreation of

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children, who should be brought up in the fear and nurture of the Lord and
to the praise of his holy name.

You now resolve to affirm your desire to live as followers of Christ and you
have come to Him to receive His Grace, and strengthened through the
prayers of the Church that you may be enabled to fulfill your marriage vows
in love and faithfulness.

3. THE AFFIRMATION
The minister says to the couple:

N and N, you have already committed yourselves to each other and

continued with each other in marriage according to requirement of
civil/customary laws.

The Church of Christ understands marriage to be, in the will of God, the
union of a man and a woman, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in
sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till parted by death. You shall
now affirm this Christian understanding and resolve in the marriage which
you have already begun.

The couple stand facing each other and hold their right hands.
The minister asks the groom:

N, you have already taken N as your wife. Do you now resolve to continue to
live together as God has ordained? To love her, comfort her, honour and
protect her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful
to her as long as you both shall live?

Groom: That is my resolve, with the help of God.

The minister asks the bride:

N, you have already taken N as your husband. Do you now resolve to

continue to live together as God has ordained? To love him, obey him,

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honour and protect him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others,
be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?

Bride: That is my resolve, with the help of God.

4. THE BLESSING OF MARRIAGE

They again loose hands.

A ring is placed upon the minister’s Bible or book.

The Minister blesses the ring and gives it to the groom who places it on the
fourth finger of the bride's left hand.
Holding it he repeats the following words after the minister
(if the bride gives a ring the procedure may be repeated):

I give you this ring

as a sign of our marriage.
With my body I honour you,
all that I am I give to you,
and all that I have I share with you:
in the name of the Father,
and of the Son,
and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

The bride and groom kneel, and the minister prays for them:

Eternal God, creator and preserver of all mankind, giver of all spiritual
grace, author of eternal life, send your blessing upon N and N so that, living
faithfully together in love and peace, they may fulfil and keep the vow and
covenant they have made, of which these rings are a token and pledge
through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

The minister pronounces the couple to be man and wife. Joining their
right hands together he says:

Those whom God has joined together let no-one put asunder.

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He then speaks to the people saying:

N and N have now covenanted themselves together in marriage in the Lord

and have witnessed the same before God and this congregation. They have
made their vows to one another and have declared their marriage by the
giving and receiving of rings and by the joining of hands. I therefore
pronounce that in the Lord they are husband and wife together, in the
name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

The minister blesses the newly married couple:

God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, bless, preserve and keep
you; the Lord mercifully with his favour look upon you and fill you with all
spiritual blessing and grace that you may so live together in this life that in
the world to come you may have eternal life. Amen.

5. THE MINISTRY OF THE WORD AND PRAYERS

(a) The BIBLE READING.

(b) A HYMN may be sung.

(c) The SERMON

(d) THE LORD'S PRAYER All pray

Our Father who art in heaven,

hallowed be thy name,
thy kingdom come, thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day
our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those
who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
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the power, and the glory;
for ever and ever. Amen.

(e) The minister leads the congregation in prayer using these or other
PRAYERS:

God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, bless N and N by sowing the seed of
eternal life in their hearts: so that whatever they learn in your Holy Word
they may indeed fulfil. Look on them from heaven to bless and prosper
them so that, obeying your will and secure in your protection, they may
remain in your love to the end of their lives through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Merciful Lord and heavenly Father, by your gracious gift mankind is

increased. Give to N and N the blessing of godly offspring and generation,
grant them wisdom, grace and health to rule their home in faith and
goodness to your praise and glory through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

The minister thereafter bids the congregation to pray further for the
Couple as deemed necessary

6. OFFERING
Special songs or band music shall be rendered while offerings are
collected.

7. FINAL PRAYERS AND BENEDICTION

The minister prays this final payer

Almighty God, you have consecrated marriage as a sign of the union

between Christ and his church. In your mercy grant that N may love and
cherish his wife N more and more as Christ loves the church and that N
may be loving and submit to her husband N more and more as the church
does to Christ. Grant that in their marriage they may learn more of your
love and inherit your eternal kingdom through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.

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The minister pronounces the final BLESSING.

8. SIGNING OF THE REGISTER

The registers are signed.

The minister presents the certificate to the Bride and presents the Couple
to the congregation.

9. RECESSIONAL HYMN OR SONG

Updated November 11, 2018

by Ven. Dr. I. U. Ibeme
Copyright  © PriscAquila Publishing, Maiduguri, Nigeria.
PriscAquila Christian Resource Centre
http://priscaquila.6te.net ; http://www.scribd.com/ifeogo

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