Pearson Tutor Services

Fall 2016 Guidelines for the BU111 Assignment

From approximately October 23-November 3, we expect submissions from 2,000 students enrolled in
a business writing course. Please review the notes below describing the assignment, how best to tutor
it, and an example of a successful tutorial.

Assignment
Students in BU 111 are submitting a report analyzing this business case:

Kik is an instant messaging app that is using bots to perform various activities (i.e., receive
automated weather reports, receive scores of favourite teams, order food, or get information).
It is also using bots to connect users and partners (businesses). Kik has asked students to
identify bots that create value for both the user and the partner. There is no single right
answer, but any recommendation should discuss the value to a user (why would I use the bot
rather than just using an existing app or other substitute), the value to a partner (what does
the business or website owner gain in using the bot). It’s important that they use research to
demonstrate that there is a significant need and benefit to be gained, i.e. how often do people
perform a particular activity through other substitutes, what relevant challenges do businesses
face, how much time and effort is spent on this issue that the bot would resolve for user
and/or partner, is the size of the partner group (i.e. industry) or user group significant enough
to make bot development of this nature worthwhile? They must also consider how the bot
would be implemented on the partner and user side so that it doesn’t create more complexity
than it resolves. An outstanding case (not required for the case assignment but a great
suggestion for students that have submitted strong cases to you) may discuss what future
industries or activities the bot can be expanded to and/or how Kik can make money from it.

Immediate Problem: Most likely answer students will give: Kik wants to develop bots that
create significant user and partner value.

Underlying problem: There isn’t a clear answer to this as it may depend on the particular bot
the student might propose, but students may allude to a strong network effect, the challenge
to businesses of implementing the bot, the challenge of persuading users to change their
habits and use the bot instead of a substitute. They may also say there is lots of competition
from other apps and substitutes or users would have to first download Kik. If they don’t
identify an underlying problem, it’s not a big weakness of their write-up.

Students act as a Kik employee making recommendations to upper management.

Informal report structure

The final draft should be no more than 5 double-spaced pages, with up to 4 additional pages for
exhibits. The References list does not count toward this limit.

The report should follow this structure, including the bold headings:

To:
From:
Subject:
Date:

Recommendation: includes an informative heading summarizing the

recommendation
The recommendation should be a succinct paragraph (no bullet points) that
 identifies the case’s immediate problem,
 identifies the case’s underlying problem,
 describes the implications of these problems,
 recommends a solution.
 Decision Criteria
 Introductory sentence plus a few bullets that identify the goals the recommendation
must meet to solve the case problems. Check for redundancy in the bullets. The
bullets will likely primarily be “creates value for the user,” “creates value for the
partner,” and perhaps one more like “addresses a large market, complexity does not
exceed value.”

Analysis
 One paragraph (complete sentences; no bullets) per decision criterion.
 Paragraphs follow the same order as the list of decision criteria.
 Each paragraph has a high-information subheading giving the main idea of the
paragraph.
 Each paragraph explains how the writer’s recommended solution satisfies the decision
criterion under discussion, preferably supported with evidence such as research where
feasible.

Implementation Plan
 Paragraph or bullets detailing the high level what, when, where, by whom, and how
issues related to implementing this solution (further details should be provided in an
appendix that is referenced in this section)
 Addresses all time frames: short, medium, and long terms.

Risks and Contingency Plan

 Paragraph (no bullets) acknowledging assumptions in the plan.
 Discusses solutions for potential risks arising in the short and long terms.
 Offer a way to address the risk/issue without changing the solution or going back to a
rejected alternative.

Exhibits
 May include decision matrix, illustrations of models/theories, implementation details,
etc.
 A supplement to, not a replacement for, any of the above sections.

Reference List

Tutor BU 111 drafts differently than standard Essay Center drafts

 COMMON HIGH-PRIORITY LESSONS.

o The student’s draft is missing a section. (Content Development or
Introduction/Conclusion)
o The student’s analysis section is only one paragraph, or it is not organized with one
paragraph per decision criterion. (Content Development)
o Each paragraph of analysis does not focus on one decision criterion and provide
compelling explanation AND support for how the recommendation meets it.
(Organization/ Content Development)
o The analysis appears to be all opinion without supporting evidence. (Use of Resources)
o The student needs to add subheadings or reorganize paragraphs to match the
assignment. (Organization)
 HOC/LOC BALANCE. Most students will choose “Grammar & Mechanics” and “Sentence
Structure” on the submission form. If two or more HOC need attention, you may follow the
Smarthinking policy for deferring one student-selected LOC. If there is a serious pattern of
lower-order error in the draft and if the HOC are mostly in order, you can choose to write one
HOC lesson and two LOC lessons.
 USE OF RESOURCES. Students are required to cite outside research using APA format.
 DO NOT EVALUATE THE STUDENT’S RECOMMENDATION. Don’t comment on the specific
argument of the draft; instead, focus on how well it is developed and supported.
  A REPORT, NOT AN ESSAY. Do not ask students to write a thesis, to develop ideas in
standard paragraphs or in a standard essay format. Avoid the word “thesis” entirely; for
example, if the first section is missing a recommendation, you may use the “Main Idea/Thesis”
heading, but do not refer to the recommendation sentence as a “thesis.”
 GRAMMAR ASSESSMENT. In your Summary of Next Steps, include a bullet that specifies any
proofreading needs. For example: “Please proofread carefully, as you have a few problems
with apostrophes.” This bullet point need not name every error but should give students a
sense of the condition of their submission. The bullet point is a short weather report, assessing
the general grammatical and technical state of the document.
 LIMITED TIME AND CONTACT.
o The instructors ask that students not be encouraged to contact them with questions.
o If the student is an EL2 writer, invite him/her consider visiting the writing center for
further assistance, or note in your Summary of Next Steps that the work requires
extensive editing.
o Unless students are submitting drafts well in advance of the due date, do not
encourage students to resubmit.

SAMPLE MARKUP

Pearson Tutor Services Response Form

Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also
embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing
Pearson Tutor Services' Online Writing Center to help you improve your writing!

Hello, Hiram! My name is Ruth N. I look forward to helping you with your Pearson Essay
Review today!

*Writing Strength:

One strong aspect of your draft is the organization of the “analysis” section. In this section, you have
provided one complete paragraph for each decision criteria. This helps readers to carefully consider
one reason at a time.

Use of Resources:

One concern is that your analysis section is missing evidence from your textbook and other sources.
Without this evidence, your readers will think that your conclusions are based on your own opinion
rather than specific facts. To convince readers that expanding the retreats will meet each criterion,
you can add evidence to each paragraph in the analysis section. A great way to begin looking for this
evidence is by skimming your lecture notes and textbook first. You may also decide to search for
evidence from financial experts or sources that describe the wellness and travel industry or the
financial situation in Spain. You can also consider the following questions when deciding what evidence
to include:

 Financial Performance: What evidence proves that retreats are profitable?

 Accessible to locals and inexpensive: How do we know that Casa Cuadrau needs business from
locals in addition to tourists?
 High opportunity for growth: What evidence proves that there is a higher demand for health
and well-being?

When you add each piece of evidence, you will want to give credit to the source by providing the
author and year of publication as well. Here is an example of a fact from another report that includes
a citation:
  Schwartz (2013) explained that the demand for more conservative teen clothing styles has
increased because U.S. high schools are enforcing stricter dress codes.

In this example, the author and year are cited at the beginning of the sentence. With this feedback in
mind, add more evidence from outside sources to each analysis paragraph in your report.

Content Development:

I also noticed that your contingency plan section is not fully developed. Right now, you have two
sentences about one risk. This may not be enough information to show the reader that you can help
the company overcome challenges. In a business situation, this information convinces readers that a)
your plan is worth pursuing and b) you are the best person to help implement it. One way to develop
your contingency plan is by following three steps for each potential challenge or risk.

 Identify one potential risk in a clear transition sentence. Here is an example of what I mean:
One of the biggest risks with _______________ is ________________.
 Describe how or why this risk might occur.
 Explain what the company can do to overcome this risk. What steps should be taken?

You can use these steps to expand your discussion of what should happen if customers don’t purchase
many retreats. Then, you can use the same steps to identify, describe, and explain at least one
additional risk. Use these steps or a similar process to develop a complete discussion of each risk in
the contingency plan.

*Hiram 7716264 has requested that you respond to the Grammar / Mechanics:

Because working on the analysis and contingency plan will lead to more improvement, I focused on
these areas today instead. However, I noticed a couple of sentences that are missing a comma after
an introductory phrase. I explained how to address this in an embedded comment below. You can find
information about comma rules in an online or print grammar handbook, too.

*Hiram 7716264 has requested that you respond to the Sentence Structure:

Lastly, I noticed that there are a few comma splices in this business report, Hiram. A comma splice is
a special type of run-on that happens when a writer places a comma between two complete
sentences. Here is an example from your paper:

 Katya and Dani can offer multiple retreat packages that involve different activities, each
package will be assigned a different price based on the quantity and intensity of the activities.

The comma causes the ideas to run together because a comma isn’t enough by itself to separate or
combine two complete sentences. One way to fix this is by separating the two sentences with a
period. Another option is to add a conjunction like “and” or “but” after the comma. Here is an example
of what these options would entail with your sentence.

 Period: Katya and Dani can offer multiple retreat packages that involve different activities.
Each package will be assigned a different price based on the quantity and intensity of the
activities.
 Comma + Conjunction: Katya and Dani can offer multiple retreat packages that involve
different activities, and each package will be assigned a different price based on the quantity
and intensity of the activities.

Which version best fits your style and meaning, Hiram? Where else do comma splices occur in this
draft? A great way to look for them is by using ctrl + f to search for each comma. You can then check
to see if there is a complete sentence on each side of the comma. Find and fix each comma splice to
make your report polished and reader friendly.

Summary of Next Steps:

  Add evidence from outside sources to the analysis section.
 Add more details to the contingency plan.
 Find and fix comma splices.
 Proofread carefully to find sentences that need commas after introductory phrases and other
mistakes.

Hiram, thank you again for sharing your report with me. I wish you all the best with your revisions.
~Ruth N.

*************************************************************************

Please look for more comments in your essay below. Thank you for visiting Pearson Tutor
Services. We encourage you to submit future essays.

*************************************************************************

To: Kalyani Rios

From: Hiram Brown
Subject: Casa Cuadrau- Sustainability and Growth Decision
Date: December 2013

Recommendation: Focus on rigorous full retreats

Casa Cuadrau has multiple components, each with a limited amount of customers, which is not
leading to enough income. Katya and Dani are feeling scattered and stressed by their abundance
of work. By focusing mainly on strengthening their full retreats, they can attract more diverse
customers as well as locals and earn more revenue, while also feeling more organized. [This
paragraph can benefit from more information about the case and about the decision Katya
and Dani must make. What are the owners trying to accomplish? What are the components of
the business now? This information will prepare readers for your analysis.]

Decision Criteria
The most effective solution was chosen by considering these decision criteria:
1. Financial Performance
2. Accessible to locals and inexpensive
3. High opportunity for growth
Analysis
Focusing more energy on full retreats will increase financial performance
One of the main concerns of Katya is making enough money to enable growth in the market and
sustainability. In order to effectively make an increasing profit, Katya and Dani’s efforts must be
concentrated on few things to ameliorate them as much as possible, instead of dabbling in
several small projects. To maximize revenue, Casa Cuadrau should work on strengthening their
full weekly retreats so they can increase the fee they charge for it and gain competitive
advantage. The vacation industry is currently very profitable, and is only going to be become
even more profitable. [What evidence from outside sources will help you to prove that this is
true, Hiram? Each paragraph in the analysis section should include evidence from your book
or lecture notes in order to convince readers that your solution meets the decision criteria.]
To take advantage of this market, it would make sense to build up the reputation of the full
retreats to accommodate all types of global visitors. With the increased quality of retreats,
Katya and Dani can charge more for their services. Moreover, with an increased concentration
on retreats, Katya and Dani can offer multiple retreat packages that involve different activities,
each package will be assigned a different price based on the quantity and intensity of the
activities.

Concentrating on full retreats will increase the accessibility to locals and preserve their fair
prices
Dani is worried that if he charges more, he will lose his local customers, however, Spain’s GDP
and economic stability are recovering and increasing after their current recession. Locals will
have more money to spend on leisure time and their wellbeing. Furthermore, it is not necessary
to increase the prices for all retreats. Dani and Katya can compose multiple “bundles” that
involve different activities and perks, pricing each retreat different accordingly. This broadens
the client base that they can reach out to, Spanish customers will be able to afford cheaper
retreats, while more wealthy clients can spend more money on more rigorous programs. With
more customers coming in to Casa Cuadrau, the demand increases, allowing Dani and Katya to
possible decrease prices, therefore attracting more customers of different financial states.
Ameliorating full retreat options will increase opportunity for growth
The world’s heightened interest in health and wellbeing suggests that now is a good time to be
developing a resort. With workers’ increased level of health problems such as stress, anxiety,
and exhaustion, people are looking for new ways to naturally cure themselves. Focusing on full
retreats gives customers the opportunity to choose which retreat fits their lifestyle best, with
Dani and Katya’s yoga expertise and experience, customers will be inclined to attend their
helpful sessions. Along with Dani’s cooking talent and the couple’s friendly and familiar
temperament, they will create for themselves a competitive advantage against corporate and
insincere resorts.

Implementation Plan
In the short term, Katya and Dani need to organize multiple retreat packages and assign them
appropriate pricing. In the medium term plans would be to advertise their retreats via their
connections through volunteers, teachers, and perhaps invest in a marketing campaign. I the
long run, Katya and Dani must perfect their retreat programs and make a good impression on
new and old customers. With the money they make from their new retreats they should
ameliorate their retreats even more until they’ve reached a significant competitive advantage
over potential competitors. [This sentence is missing a comma to show where the introductory
phrase ends. We place a comma after an introductory phrase to help readers understand the
structure of the sentence. Here is an example you can use to correct this sentence and similar
errors in your writing: “With all the new improvements, the value of the home will increase.”]

Contingency Plan
In a situation in which not many customers respond to Katya and Dani’s enforced full retreat
options, Dani should extend the hour of his restaurant to serve organic brunch and breakfast as
well, which will contribute to their financial performance and individuality.