extended

definition_margaretloc.docx
by Margaret Loc

Submission date: 22-Sep-2018 10:02PM (UT C-0700)

Submission ID: 1006581725
File name: extended_def inition_margaretloc.docx
Word count: 1897
Character count: 10848
Two Successes: Very good explanation of what public health is and what its workers strive to do! Many
sections have good depth. Two Challenges: Revise to design your paper in a more reader-friendly way
(see comments below). Organize with subheadings to organize and help reader stay on track.
Def Design

no abstract in definition
 Def Design

that at

is there a spiritual goal for

all public health workers? I
don't think so. Try qualifying
or limiting this statement.

good intro

Concise

Concise
These questions are intended to help you see where you need to add specificity in this paragraph, but you need this specificity
throughout the paper, too.

which history? specify

which issue?

give an example and

stages of what?
cite your source.

cite
 need a transition
between heart disease
and influenza.

mark each "level" with a subheading

this might be more helpful before your
description, or next to the first level.
add heading?
extended definition_margaretloc.docx
GRADEMARK REPORT

FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

87
PAGE 1
/100

Text Comment. T wo Successes: Very good explanation of what public health is and what
its workers strive to do! Many sections have good depth. T wo Challenges: Revise to design
your paper in a more reader-f riendly way (see comments below). Organize with subheadings to
organize and help reader stay on track.

PAGE 2

QM Def Design
Our prompt asks you to create a Wikipedia-style def inition. When we studied the conventions
of Wiki def initions, students discussed topic headings, a table of contents, helpf ul
graphics/illustrations, and a graphic on the f irst page to help introduce the term. If you decide
to revise this f or your portf olio, be sure you've included all of these conventional design
f eatures of a Wikipedia def inition.

Text Comment. no abstract in def inition

PAGE 3

QM Def Design
Our prompt asks you to create a Wikipedia-style def inition. When we studied the conventions
of Wiki def initions, students discussed topic headings, a table of contents, helpf ul
graphics/illustrations, and a graphic on the f irst page to help introduce the term. If you decide
to revise this f or your portf olio, be sure you've included all of these conventional design
f eatures of a Wikipedia def inition.

Text Comment. that

 Text Comment. at

Text Comment. is there a spiritual goal f or all public health workers? I don't think so. T ry
qualif ying or limiting this statement.

Text Comment. good intro

QM Concise
Practice our sentence revision techniques here and throughout your report (e.g., reduce
prepositional phrases, use vigorous verbs, etc.).

QM Concise
Practice our sentence revision techniques here and throughout your report (e.g., reduce
prepositional phrases, use vigorous verbs, etc.).

PAGE 4

Text Comment. T hese questions are intended to help you see where you need to add
specif icity in this paragraph, but you need this specif icity throughout the paper, too.

Text Comment. which history?

Text Comment. specif y

Text Comment. which issue?

Text Comment. give an example and cite your source.

Text Comment. stages of what?

Text Comment. cite

PAGE 5

Text Comment. need a transition between heart disease and inf luenza.

Text Comment. mark each "level" with a subheading

PAGE 6

Text Comment. this might be more helpf ul bef ore your description, or next to the f irst
level.
PAGE 7

PAGE 8

Text Comment. add heading?

PAGE 9

PAGE 10
RUBRIC: 30 1 DEFINITION RUBRIC

RHET . FOCUS Advanced

SLO #1: Write f ormally and inf ormally, in-class and out-of -class, f or a variety of audiences and purposes.

ABSENT OR BELOW Audience's needs are of ten not recognized: terms and ideas need explanation and
BASIC language needs adjustment f or the audience. Purpose (to def ine or term or
concept)isn't clear or achieved.

DEVELOPING Shows some attention to audience's needs, sometimes def ining necessary terms and
ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to def ine or term or
concept) may be unclear at times, and it may not be achieved convincingly.

PROFICIENT Shows attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms and ideas and using
audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to def ine or term or concept) may be
implied, but it's clear and achieved.

ADVANCED Shows sophisticated attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms and
ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to def ine a term or
concept) is clear and achieved with style.

ET HIC RESRCH Developing

SLO #2: Using the appropriate major’s customary citation style, ethically cite and communicate inf ormation
f rom a variety of discipline-appropriate sources.

ABSENT OR BELOW Omits or uses incorrectly quotation marks and/or MLA-, APA-, or Wikipedia-style
BASIC (number system) parenthetical citations and works cited list. Many citation errors.
Does not cite f rom a variety of discipline-appropriate sources. May be over-reliant on
a single source.

DEVELOPING A f ew errors in quotation marks, MLA-, APA-, or Wikipedia-style (number system)

parenthetical citations and works cited list. May cite superf icially f rom sources. May
be over-reliant on a single source.

PROFICIENT Correctly uses quotation marks and MLA-, APA-, or Wikipedia-style (number system)
parenthetical citations and works cited list. May have 1-2 citation errors. Cites f rom a
variety of discipline-appropriate sources.

ADVANCED Consistently and correctly uses quotation marks and MLA-, APA-, or Wikipedia-style
(number system) in-text (parenthetical) and end-of -text (ref erence list) citations f or
all sources, whether quoted directly or paraphrased. Cites f rom a variety of discipline-
appropriate sources. Never over-reliant on a single source.

PERS/SUPPORT Prof icient

SLO #3: Compare, evaluate, synthesize, and communicate caref ully, objectively, and persuasively the
relative merits of alternative or opposing arguments, assumptions, and cultural values.

ABSENT OR BELOW Fails to support claims with specif ic explanations, examples, etc.. Objectivity may be
BASIC lacking.
DEVELOPING Attempts to support claims with explanations, examples, etc., but specif icity and/or
objectivity may be lacking.

PROFICIENT Usually supports the def inition's claims with relevant, thorough, and specif ic
explanations, examples, etc.. Usually maintains objectivity.

ADVANCED Supports the def inition's claims with relevant, thorough, and specif ic explanations,
examples, etc.. Maintains objectivity.

ORGANIZ AT ION Prof icient

SLO #4: Organize, f ocus, and communicate one’s thoughts clearly and ef f ectively to address a rhetorical
situation.

ABSENT OR BELOW Organizational devices (one-sentence def inition; introduction; logical partitioning;
BASIC topic sentences, headings, transitions) may be absent, unrelated to the prompt, or
illogically connected. Ps contain multiple topics or are disorganized.

DEVELOPING Organizational devices (one-sentence def inition; introduction; logical partitioning;

topic sentences, headings, transitions) f it the prompt, but may be vague, too broad,
or inconsistenly or illogically linked. Ps may not be unif ied.

PROFICIENT Clear organizational devices (one-sentence def inition; introduction; logical

partitioning; topic sentences, headings, transitions) f it the prompt and tie ideas and
topics together adequately. Ps are usually unif ied.

ADVANCED Clear, specif ic organizational devices (one-sentence def inition; introduction; logical
partitioning; topic sentences, headings, transitions) f it the prompt and tie ideas and
topics together logically and seamlessly. Paragraphs are unif ied.

LANG & DESIGN Developing

SLO # 5: Recognize, evaluate, and employ the f eatures and contexts of language and design that express
and inf luence meaning and that demonstrate sensitivity to gender and cultural dif f erences.

ABSENT OR BELOW Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability. Language may
BASIC ref lect a gender or cultural bias or be too high or too low. Design may be
unconventional and inef f ective.

DEVELOPING Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors of ten impede readability or otherwise
distract f rom meaning. Style may be either too high or too low. Language may
occasionally suggest a gender or cultural bias. Design may be inconventional or
inef f ective.

PROFICIENT Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors are f ew and do not distract f rom
meaning. Middle-level-style. Language respects gender and cultural dif f erences.
Design is conventional and ef f ective.

ADVANCED Outstanding control of language, with middle-level style, including ef f ective diction
and sentence variety. Language respects gender and cultural dif f erences. Design is
conventional and ef f ective.
COLLABORAT ION
SLO 6: Improve one’s own and others’ writing skills through the assessment and critique of written works.

ABSENT OR BELOW No ef f ort appears to have been made to unif y the def inition's style and substance. It
BASIC looks like multiple writers pasted their work together.

DEVELOPING Some ef f ort to unif y the def inition's style and substance is evident, although it is
clear that multiple people composed it.

PROFICIENT Def inition's style and substance are usually unif ied. It usually appears as though one
writer composed it.

ADVANCED Def inition's style and substance are unif ied. It appears as though one writer
composed it.