Sapay Koma Parody this is abridged pls don’t judge

Characters:
Ate Girl (AG)
Kuya (K)
Kuya’s Nanay (KN)
Kuya’s Tatay (KT)
Kapitbahay/Kapamilya (KK)
Judge
Anak

Scene 1:
Characters: AG, K, KN, T
Set: Sala of K’s house
KT:
(sitting in the sala of the house, beside KN, across K & AG)
So I understand that you two have decided to get married…

(Everyone freezes, and AG turns into an internal monologue)

AG:
(breaking the fourth wall, nervous)
This is it… This is the part where they reject the marriage because he is too young, and that I’m old, or because he is still
studying and he used to be one of my students, or because he was slated to be a holy man and now I’m the one who made
their Godly son sin…
Why did I give in so easily? And to think that the final straw was that damned papaya bloom!
Here it comes. Oh God I’m so nervous. You can do this! Jhoanna Lynn!! Fighting!!!

(everyone resumes movement)

K:
Yes Papa, I love her and I want to take care of her and our baby.

KN:
I understand where you are coming from, son. But you know how it is for us Cordillerans. We can’t have you and your
brother marry in the same year, magsusukob, one of the marriages will fail. The community will blame us if we allow you
to marry. And we don’t have the funds, Anak, we spent it all preparing for your elder brother’s wedding.

AG:
(angry)
But my mother already approved of this! Let me ask you, what if it was your daughter who gets pregnant unwed, wouldn’t
you want to get her married right away?

(KN and KT exchange looks, and nod slightly)

KT:
Very well, you may then get married in a civil one, and we don’t want you telling anybody else. We will be there, but you
have to do all the preparations. Mostly you, Jhoanna Anak, since he is still in school and we don’t want him to stop his
education just for a baby.

SCENE END

Scene 2:
Characters: AG, K, KT, KN, Judge
Set: Sala of Judge

(it is their wedding day, only a few people were present)

AG:
(breaking the fourth wall, with a slight baby bump)
Hoooo! It’s finally time! After all the planning, and secrecy, now it’s time to get married! I did it all, from filing the
license, finding the Judge, buying the rings, reserving a restaurant and paying for everything! I’m so excited!

Judge:
Now, hand me the rings.

(K hands him a small black box, and the Judge opens it to find it empty)

Judge:
What is this? Where are the rings? Is this a joke?

(K rummages inside his pockets and finds the rings, hands them to the judge with a sheepish grin)

Judge:
Right, now we have to fill out your marriage registration form. (turns to AG) what is your mother in law’s name?

AG:
(thinks for a moment) ahh, Constancia, Right? (Turns to K, who nods too many times)

(judge proceeds to write Constancia in the form but KN interjects)

KN:
It’s actually Conchita, your honor, but people just call me Connie.

(AG looks aghast and bows her head slightly)

Judge:
Tsk, tsk. You should never make errors on a legal document. Now, what is your name, sir? (Turns to KT)

KT:
Johnny, your honor.

Judge:
Are you sure? Is it not some kinda nickname like your wife’s “Connie”?

KT:
(visibly stressed) Yes, your honor. My name really is Johnny. Now please carry on with the ceremony.

Judge:
(straightens his clothes and clears his throat) Right, well, you need to sign here, and here, and here… (AG, K, KN and KT
all sign on the paper) That seems to be in order, now, normally this is the time for the wedding kiss, but for you two, no
more kissing! It’s obvious there’s a deposit in there! Hahaha! (everyone laughs heartily on the judge’s joke)

SCENE END

Scene 3:
Characters: AG, K, Kapitbahay/Kapamilya, Sapay Koma
Set: Sala of K’s House
 (AG and K enter K’s house carrying bags, with AG carrying their newborn daughter and the leash of a black dog, Sapay
Koma. Other dogs are barking loudly in the background)

KK:
Insan, it seems like our dogs doesn’t like the smell of your new dog. What about I give you 500 for the dog, ‘san, and we
can both eat the dog and get a good sleep tonight, instead of all this racket?

AG:
Sapay Koma...

K:
It is for our own good, baket. The baby cannot sleep in here when the dogs are all barking like that.

AG:
But Sapay Koma is my friend, I can’t possibly think of eating him... But for the baby... (AG lets go of the leash, which K
hands over to KK, who pulls the dog outside)

(the baby cries, which makes AG rock the baby back and forth while K hugs her around the shoulders)

KK:
(shouting from off-stage)
Insan, adda kaserola yo?

K:
Aw.

KK:
Ayan na? Idiay sirok ti lababo?

K:
Aw.

AG:
(lightly hitting K on the shoulder)
Sapay Koma is barely in the pot and you are already mocking me…

K:
It’s not like that, baket. Aw means yes in Kankanaey, and he was asking if we had a large pot under the sink. Will you be
okay now? I want to help my cousin prepare the meal for tonight.

AG:
Yes, go ahead, lakay. I will put our baby to sleep and maybe take a nap myself.

SCENE END

Scene 4:
Characters: KT, AG, K, KN, Anak
Set: Sala of K’s house

(A few years had passed, Anak is now 6 years old. KT and AG are watching TV in the living room, AG is visibly uneasy,
with dark circles under her eyes and messy hair)

KT:
 (speaking to AG) Anak, Adda ti VCD player yo idiay balay yo?

AG:
(was shocked that KT is talking to her at all) ..?

KT:
Do you have a VCD player at your new house? You see, anak, I won a VCD player at the barangay Christmas raffle this
year, but as we already have one ourselves, I think it would be a good Christmas Gift for you.

AG:
I... We...

(KN enters with a picture frame of AG and K, proceeds to hang it on the wall, KT and AG stare at it)

KN:
There, anak. I put up a picture of you beside all of other children. I feel bad for all these years that you must have felt
ostracized because we did not acknowledge you much. But the truth is, when you married our son, we have already
accepted you as part of our family. And now that you have moved on to Manila, we only hope that your life there is good.

KT: