Case: 1

Name SP
Husband Name J
Gender
Age
Class SYBMS

Introduction: SP is the kind of girl which always invite attention through her dress
sense, assent, been very approachable and class participation. With two months of taking
admission in FYBMS in 2007-2008 she was going steady with J. Both started sitting
together in the class rooms and after some time were seen together most of the time.
Within six months of their relationship they eloped and got married as SP parents where
not in favor of their daughter getting married to J and that too before completing of their
education.

Couple of time SP mother came to college and interacted with me, and asserting that for
her,SP education is prime importance and she want her to marry a decent guy.

After getting married reluctantly SP parents reluctantly accepted the fact and started
communicating with J parents. Mutually a date was fixed and SP started living with J.
The first visible change was the attitude of J. From vibrant and regular student he became
quite and irregular. SP also became very reserved not talking to other boys and also
wearing black coloured Burkha, under the instruction of J.

Both stop coming to college as they started working. After few months J asked SP to sto
working and sit at home as he became over possessive about her, suspecting her
whenever she interacted with her male colleagues or class mates.

The inlaws house is a one room with partition with no ventilation. The partitioned section
had no fan. Through out the day she helped mother in law and also cooked food. Rest of
the time she studies at home borrowing notes from class mates.

According to SP she willingly accepted the dictate and tried to be good house wife and
daughter in law. SP had a good relationship with mother in law who always supported her
and understood her.

J was not happy with SP. On one or the other pretext he used to fight with her. Many a
times when Juniad was nice, his brother in law, provoked him saying that SP is from rich
family, “you have to be very strict with her other wise she will ran way and leave you”.
This made J more insecure and their relationship came under strain. J used to blame SP
parents accusing them of brain washing her against him. Hence he did not allowed her to
even go to her parents’ house arguing that after returning from her parent’s house her
behavior towards J change for worse.
She got fed up of J behavior and went to her parents’ house and did not return for a week.
J came to her parents’ house and promised her that he will not misbehave with her and
will take good care of her. She returned.

According to SP the biggest mistake she committed was to visit her ex boy friend Soab
on the request of their common friend. She was informed that Soab has started taking to
drugs and had become alcoholic. SP said that out of sympathy she visited him to advive
him to take care of his life and not to ruined it. That very day SP informed J about the
meeting Soab. J became very angry and started doubting her character, threatening to
divorce her. SP pleaded with J, promising that she will not repeat the mistake and will
only do what J says. He relented. As soon as J attitude towards SP became soft, his
brother in law used to provoke him, after which J behaviour became at times violent. J
brother in-law is used to hit his wife, provoking J to hit SP if she does not accept what
ever he says.

When SP became pregnant she got very happy and shared the news with J. SP said “It
was the happiest moment of my life. I was so exited. As soon as I shared this news with
him he converted my happiest moment to the worst moment of my life. Instead of been
happy and emotional he bluntly asked me whose child is this? My world was shattered. I
did not know how to respond totally crestfallen”.

“Then I decided that I could not have this baby and persuaded J to get it aborted. I was
under going emotional trauma of aborting my first child. I was expecting emotional
support from J but he was not with me. After the aborting he came. It was the worst day
of my life as I was in the state of emotional trauma of aborting my child. J came and he
started laughing at me not caring a bit about my trauma”.

“At that point I made up my mind to separate from J. I came to my mother place from
nursing home and did not return till date”.

History:
Family: Very conservative not practicing Muslim but very orthodox were Girls don’t
have liberty to remain out of home for long time and unaccompanied.

Childhood: Normal accepts that she was not allowed to be her self. She was not happy
that every decision of her particularly with respect to her dress was taken by her father.
No doubt she like all the dress selected by her father she had a unfulfilled desired to go
for shopping and select her own dress. She persuaded her parents to allow her to o for
shopping and occasionally she did go for shopping with her friends for shopping.
Material wise all her needs were fulfilled and she has no regrets.

Schooling: All girls’ school

In schools she develop disliking for girls as according to her, “Girls are so bitchy in
nature. She had a desire to go out with boys and dance with them in a pub.

Junior college: Sophia’s college (Only Girls College).

Once she started moving out of home unaccompanied she came in contact with boys and
started liking the nature of boys.

Past relationship: Soab came in her life and they entered into a relationship. Soab
promised her that he will marry her and also introduced her to his parents. Even Soab
mother promise her that she will be her daughter in law. Relationship with Soab lasted
three years. From time to time he used to pressurize her for physical relationship. But she
always refused. Once he took her out and persuaded her for physical relationship:
According to SP, “ Soab said that only I will be his wife, that’s sure. So what is going to
happen after marriage, if they indulge in now what’s harm? I surrender as I came under
the influence of his glib talk. As soon as he got what he wanted, Soab behavior gradually
started changing. Now he was avoiding me. When ever I used to call him he used to
avoid my calls and avoid me. He always used to say what is the use of us meeting? Why
should we meet”?

But when ever Soab wanted to meet her as per his desire he used to call her and they used
to meet. Over the period of time she made up her mind that Soab is not going to marry
her and she stopped interacting with him totally. One day she received call from Soab
pleading her to meet him at a restaurant as he wanted to spend time with her as it was his
birthday. She agreed. She reached the venue before Saob and met her cousin brother.
Both were interacting when Soab came and saw her interacting with her cousin. Soab got
very wild and on the road in front of the crowd started abusing her and questioned her
character and integrity. She felt like dirt and did not know how to respond. After that they
broke.

Relationship with J: At AP College she met J. who some how knew her past and
proposed to her. She accepted J proposal as he knew her past and was willing to accept
her as she is without any condition. It was SP who persuaded J to marry as she did not
want to lose her.

Current Relationship with Parents: Father does not talk to her much after she
separated from J. Relationship is more or less mechanical devoid of any care, concern
and emotions. Mother is very nagging in nature. Always blame her for her past. At the
slightest pretext she blames her and makes her feel guilty. She hates going home. That’s
why she come to college early in the morning and on one or the other pretext stay out till
late.

Current Behavior in the class: According to SP she is pretending to be happy and

normal. She talks to the boys so that she can forget her past and lead a normal campus
life like any other students. She talks to boys as they understand well. No doubt her
female classmates do understanding but from time to time they blame her for many
things. Hence she ends up spending more time with boys.

Future Plan: She has surrendered to her thought that now no one will marry her and she
has to live life al alone. She has no problem with this. Next year she may join another
college so that she is not in contact with the people who know her past.
She is eager to join another college as she will be allowed to spend more time in the
college by her parents and she is able to behave like any other normal girl.

After Graduation: SP intends to go abroad and work there. Her Uncle knows her past
and is very supportive and understanding. She wants to move out of India as abroad she
will not be in touch with people who know her past.

Observation of SP in classroom on 20th Feb 2008: I am teaching International

marketing. Normally she sits with any of her classmate. Today she was sitting on the
front bench all alone. Explaining students how tough the corporate environment is I
narrated a case study of a father was not agreeing to permit his daughter to work in the
corporate. Father himself is the successful who wanted to protect his daughter from
corporate culture and politics and wanted her to be an entrepreneur first with all his
support, take experience as entrepreneur and then enter corporate if she wants SP
responded immediately that father should allow the daughter to work in the corporate.
When it was elaborated that father as such is not against daughter working in the
corporate but felt that she is too inexperience to handle the corporate politics and pressure
and wanted her to save from suffering any kind of frustration, SP agreed that its better for
the daughter to take some experience as entrepreneur and then enter corporate if she
wants.

SP is seen sitting with a boy from FYBMM and spend maximum time with him.

Opinion: There is a pattern in SP behavior that she is too easy and fast in entering
relationship and when she suffers set back she develops a kind of regressive behavior.
Whenever she has suffered setback she desperately want to revert back to the earlier
stage.

Her marriage with Soab did not materialized hence she married J in a hurry. When
Marriage did not work she is currently reverting back to the behavior of a bachelor girl,
trying to pretend that nothing has happen, she is happy like any other girl and normally
communicating with boys and trying to be emotionally close to a boy.