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to Ruth Rendell It would be true to say that not a day had passed without his thinking of her. Except for the middle years. ‘There had been other women then to distract him, though no one he cared for enough to make his second wife. But once he was into his fifties the memory of her returned with all its old vividness. He would see other men settling down into middle age, looking towards old age, with loving wives beside them, and he would say to himself, Catherine, Catherine... 0 He had never, since she left him, worked and lived in his native land, He was employed by a company which sent him all over the world. For years he had lived in South America, Africa, the West Indies, coming home only on leave and not always then. He meant to come ‘home when he retired, though, and to this end, on one of those leaves, he had bought himself a house. It was in the city where he and she had been born, but he had chosen a district as far as possible from the one in which she had gone to live with her new husband and a long 20 way from where they had once lived together, for the time when he had bought it was the time when he had begun daily to think of her again. He retired when he was sixty-five and came home. He flew home and sent the possessions he. had accumulated by sea, They included the gun he had acquired forty ‘years before and with which he had intended to shoot ‘himself when things became unendurable. But they had never been quite unendurable even then. Anger against ‘her and hatred for her had sustained him and he had 30 never got so far as even loading the small, unused automatic. Tt was winter when he got home, bleak and wet and A dark blue perfume u ‘rue: exact OI not a day .. of her: he had thought of her every day OI middle years: mature period of his life then: during that period though: but 0) cared for enough: liked sufficiently wife: woman joined to a man by marriage ( once: when [1 into his fifties: between the age of $0 and 60 1 old vividness: ancient intensity Ci setting down ... middle age: installing themselves in their fifties Ci beside them: at ther side since she left: from the time when she abandoned; (leave, ~, left) 0 his native land: Great Britain sent him: made him go C1 all over: everywhere in [I for years: i Ci the West Indies: the Antilles tare yuttcn Eee on tat ooanon Cet hod the intention Ci retired: stopped working [I though: in spite of that bought himself; acquired; (buy, bought, ~) ; hoe and she: himself and Catherine C1 been born: come into existence Z as ... as: comparative O) far: distant Zone: not to repeat district CI husband: the man she had married (cf wife) way: distance once: in the past (compare line 5) O) for: because Ztime when: not where! ster ee day again: recommenced thinking tien teas th graf as, otha cane hone teturned to Britain (1 flew: went by plane; (fly, ~, flown) by sea: by boat CI gun: pistol, of line 31 7 intended: had the intention CI shoot himself: commit suicide (Di then: of fine 14 0 anger: rage Tesora ie ghee in ei oe 0 far as: to the point of (loading: putting bullets into 2 note the use of the past perfect, in this introduction anterior to the story itself D bleak: grey 0 wet: humid 2 Ruth Rendell far colder than he remembered. When the snow came he stayed indoors, keeping warm, seeing no one. There was ‘no one to see, anyway, they had gone away or died. ‘When his possessions arrived in three trunks —that was all he had amassed in forty years, three trunkfuls of brict-brac— he unpacked wonderingly. Only the gun hhad been put in by him, his servant had packed the rest, ‘Things came to light he had long forgotten he owned, books, curios, and in an envelope he thought he had 10 destroyed in those early days, all his photographs of her, He sat looking at them one evening in early spring. The woman who came to clean for him had brought him a bowl of blue hyacinths and the air was heavy and languorous with the sweet scent of them. Catherine, Catherine, he said as he looked at the picture of her in their garden, the picture of her at the seaside, her hair blowing. How different his life would have been if she hhad stayed with him! If he had been a complaisant 20 husband and bore it all and taken it all and forgiven her. But how could he have borne that? How could he hhave Kept her when she was pregnant with another ‘man’s child? ‘The hyacinths made him feel almost faint. He pushed the photographs back into the envelope but he seemed to see her face still through the thick, opaque, brown Paper. She had been a bit older than he, she would be nearly seventy now. She would be old, ugly, fat perhaps, arthritic perhaps, those firm cheeks fallen into jowls, 30 those eyes sunk in folds of skin, that white column of a neck become a bundle of strings, that glossy chestnut hair @ bush of grey. No man would want het now, A dark blue perfume 3 far: very much CI remembered: had in memory stayed indoors # went out CI keeping warm: protecting himself from the cold Cl no one: not one person CI died: expired trunk(s): large rigid box, container ‘trunkful(s): quantity contained in a trunk unpacked * packed Cl wonderingly: with curiosity 0 only: exclusively CI'put in: placed Oi packed: put in the trunks came to light: appeared C forgotten 2 remembered ( owned: possessed O curio(s): small decorative object (1 he thought: that the was sure Cl in those early days: just after his divoree, a long time ereing: ead of the day C erly ping: beginning ofthe fst season of the year Cl for him: his house C) brought him: come with ... for him CI bowl: vase Cl heavy: oppressive ‘Ziwith: not of! CI sweet scent of them: their perfume picture: photo seaside: place by the sea, along the coast a blowing: moving with the air Z how different: how ++ adjective in an exclamation C stayed with: not abandoned borne: endured taken: accepted O forgiven: pardoned kept: not divorced (I pregnant with .. child: having a baby by another man almost: practically (faint: unconscious seemed: had the impression see her face still: continue to see her visage CO through: on the other side of Oa bit: a litle, slightly CI would be: was probably nearly: almost CI ugly, fat: disfigured, massive ‘those: ... jowis: the oval of her face ravaged ‘sunk .. skin: submerged in superfluous curves of flesh bundle of strings: fibrous mass CI glossy chestnut: lustrous red- brown C bush of grey: mass of grey hair Ol want: desire 4 Ruth Rendell He got up and looked in the mirror over the mantelpiece. He hadn't aged much, hadn't changed much. Everyone said so. Of course it was true that he hhadn’t lived much, and it was living that aged you. He wasn't bald, he was thinner than he had been at twenty- five, his eyes were still bright and wistful and full of hope. Those four years’ seniority she had over him, they would show now if they stood side by side, She might be dead. He had heard nothing, there had 10 been no news since the granting of the divorce and her ‘marriage to that man, Aldred Sydney. Aldred Sydney might be dead, she might be a widow, He thought of ‘what that name, in any context, had meant to him, how emotive it had been, ‘I want you to meet the new general manager, Sydney Robinson.” “Yes, we're being sent to Australia, Sydney actually.” ‘Cameron and Sydney, Surveyors and Valuers. Can I help you?" 20 For a long time he had trembled when he heard her surname pronounced. He had wondered how it could come so unconcernedly off another's tongue. Aldred Sydney would be no more than seventy, there was no reason to suppose him dead. “Do you know Aldred and Catherine Sydney? They live at number 22. An elderly couple, yes, that’s right, They're so devoted to each other, it’s rather sweet..” She wouldn't still live there, not after forty years. He Went into the hall and fetched the telephone directory. 30 For a moment or two he sat stil, the book lying in his lap, breathing deeply because his heart was beating so fast. Then he opened the directory and turned to the S's, A dark blue perfume 15 got up * sat down Cl over: higher than; over 7 under ‘mantelpiece: horizontal surface over a fireplace O aged:

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