to Ruth Rendell
It would be true to say that not a day had passed
without his thinking of her. Except for the middle years.
‘There had been other women then to distract him,
though no one he cared for enough to make his second
wife. But once he was into his fifties the memory of her
returned with all its old vividness. He would see other
men settling down into middle age, looking towards old
age, with loving wives beside them, and he would say to
himself, Catherine, Catherine...
0 He had never, since she left him, worked and lived in
his native land, He was employed by a company which
sent him all over the world. For years he had lived in
South America, Africa, the West Indies, coming home
only on leave and not always then. He meant to come
‘home when he retired, though, and to this end, on one
of those leaves, he had bought himself a house. It was in
the city where he and she had been born, but he had
chosen a district as far as possible from the one in which
she had gone to live with her new husband and a long
20 way from where they had once lived together, for the
time when he had bought it was the time when he had
begun daily to think of her again.
He retired when he was sixty-five and came home. He
flew home and sent the possessions he. had accumulated
by sea, They included the gun he had acquired forty
‘years before and with which he had intended to shoot
‘himself when things became unendurable. But they had
never been quite unendurable even then. Anger against
‘her and hatred for her had sustained him and he had
30 never got so far as even loading the small, unused
automatic.
Tt was winter when he got home, bleak and wet and
A dark blue perfume u
‘rue: exact OI not a day .. of her: he had thought of her every
day OI middle years: mature period of his life
then: during that period
though: but 0) cared for enough: liked sufficiently
wife: woman joined to a man by marriage ( once: when [1 into
his fifties: between the age of $0 and 60 1 old vividness: ancient
intensity Ci setting down ... middle age: installing themselves in
their fifties Ci beside them: at ther side
since she left: from the time when she abandoned; (leave, ~,
left) 0 his native land: Great Britain
sent him: made him go C1 all over: everywhere in [I for years:
i Ci the West Indies: the Antilles
tare yuttcn Eee on tat ooanon Cet hod the
intention Ci retired: stopped working [I though: in spite of that
bought himself; acquired; (buy, bought, ~) ;
hoe and she: himself and Catherine C1 been born: come into
existence Z as ... as: comparative O) far: distant Zone: not to
repeat district CI husband: the man she had married (cf wife)
way: distance once: in the past (compare line 5) O) for:
because Ztime when: not where! ster ee day
again: recommenced thinking
tien teas th graf as, otha cane hone
teturned to Britain (1 flew: went by plane; (fly, ~, flown)
by sea: by boat CI gun: pistol, of line 31 7
intended: had the intention CI shoot himself: commit suicide
(Di then: of fine 14 0 anger: rage
Tesora ie ghee in ei oe
0 far as: to the point of (loading: putting bullets into 2 note
the use of the past perfect, in this introduction anterior to the
story itself D bleak: grey 0 wet: humid2 Ruth Rendell
far colder than he remembered. When the snow came he
stayed indoors, keeping warm, seeing no one. There was
‘no one to see, anyway, they had gone away or died.
‘When his possessions arrived in three trunks —that
was all he had amassed in forty years, three trunkfuls of
brict-brac— he unpacked wonderingly. Only the gun
hhad been put in by him, his servant had packed the rest,
‘Things came to light he had long forgotten he owned,
books, curios, and in an envelope he thought he had
10 destroyed in those early days, all his photographs of
her,
He sat looking at them one evening in early spring.
The woman who came to clean for him had brought
him a bowl of blue hyacinths and the air was heavy and
languorous with the sweet scent of them. Catherine,
Catherine, he said as he looked at the picture of her in
their garden, the picture of her at the seaside, her hair
blowing. How different his life would have been if she
hhad stayed with him! If he had been a complaisant
20 husband and bore it all and taken it all and forgiven
her. But how could he have borne that? How could he
hhave Kept her when she was pregnant with another
‘man’s child?
‘The hyacinths made him feel almost faint. He pushed
the photographs back into the envelope but he seemed
to see her face still through the thick, opaque, brown
Paper. She had been a bit older than he, she would be
nearly seventy now. She would be old, ugly, fat perhaps,
arthritic perhaps, those firm cheeks fallen into jowls,
30 those eyes sunk in folds of skin, that white column of a
neck become a bundle of strings, that glossy chestnut
hair @ bush of grey. No man would want het now,
A dark blue perfume 3
far: very much CI remembered: had in memory
stayed indoors # went out CI keeping warm: protecting himself
from the cold Cl no one: not one person CI died: expired
trunk(s): large rigid box, container
‘trunkful(s): quantity contained in a trunk
unpacked * packed Cl wonderingly: with curiosity 0 only:
exclusively CI'put in: placed Oi packed: put in the trunks
came to light: appeared C forgotten 2 remembered ( owned:
possessed O curio(s): small decorative object (1 he thought: that
the was sure Cl in those early days: just after his divoree, a long
time
ereing: ead of the day C erly ping: beginning ofthe fst
season of the year Cl for him: his house C) brought him: come
with ... for him CI bowl: vase Cl heavy: oppressive
‘Ziwith: not of! CI sweet scent of them: their perfume
picture: photo
seaside: place by the sea, along the coast a
blowing: moving with the air Z how different: how ++ adjective
in an exclamation C stayed with: not abandoned
borne: endured taken: accepted O forgiven: pardoned
kept: not divorced (I pregnant with .. child: having a baby by
another man
almost: practically (faint: unconscious
seemed: had the impression
see her face still: continue to see her visage CO through: on the
other side of Oa bit: a litle, slightly CI would be: was probably
nearly: almost CI ugly, fat: disfigured, massive
‘those: ... jowis: the oval of her face ravaged
‘sunk .. skin: submerged in superfluous curves of flesh
bundle of strings: fibrous mass CI glossy chestnut: lustrous red-
brown C bush of grey: mass of grey hair Ol want: desire4 Ruth Rendell
He got up and looked in the mirror over the
mantelpiece. He hadn't aged much, hadn't changed
much. Everyone said so. Of course it was true that he
hhadn’t lived much, and it was living that aged you. He
wasn't bald, he was thinner than he had been at twenty-
five, his eyes were still bright and wistful and full of
hope. Those four years’ seniority she had over him, they
would show now if they stood side by side,
She might be dead. He had heard nothing, there had
10 been no news since the granting of the divorce and her
‘marriage to that man, Aldred Sydney. Aldred Sydney
might be dead, she might be a widow, He thought of
‘what that name, in any context, had meant to him, how
emotive it had been,
‘I want you to meet the new general manager, Sydney
Robinson.”
“Yes, we're being sent to Australia, Sydney actually.”
‘Cameron and Sydney, Surveyors and Valuers. Can I
help you?"
20 For a long time he had trembled when he heard her
surname pronounced. He had wondered how it could
come so unconcernedly off another's tongue. Aldred
Sydney would be no more than seventy, there was no
reason to suppose him dead.
“Do you know Aldred and Catherine Sydney? They
live at number 22. An elderly couple, yes, that’s right,
They're so devoted to each other, it’s rather sweet..”
She wouldn't still live there, not after forty years. He
Went into the hall and fetched the telephone directory.
30 For a moment or two he sat stil, the book lying in his
lap, breathing deeply because his heart was beating so
fast. Then he opened the directory and turned to the S's,
A dark blue perfume 15
got up * sat down Cl over: higher than; over 7 under
‘mantelpiece: horizontal surface over a fireplace O aged: