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We, the unwilling, led by the unqualified, are doing the impossible for
the ungrateful.

16 Powerful Questions Coaches Ask

Their Clients To Help Achieve Their
Goals (Forbes Coaching)
If you've never worked with a professional coach before, you might think their
job is to hand you all the answers to your life's problems. In reality, a coach is
there to guide you toward your own solutions, and hold you accountable for
taking action.

One important way coaches achieve this is by learning how to ask their clients
the right questions. These provocative queries may force someone to look at
their situation from another perspective, thereby encouraging the
breakthrough they need to succeed.

According to 16 Forbes Coaches Council members, here are the most powerful
questions they ask their clients.

1. What's Standing In Your Way?

If you can name it, you can claim it. Life and careers are full of roadblocks and
naming the hurdles -- personal, professional or relational -- can help you begin
to brainstorm what problem you really need to solve or help lessen the size of
the barrier. With dialogue and coaching, you may realize it's not a real barrier
at all, and you can find a way forward.

2. Can You Tell Me More?

"Tell me more" is a great example of a versatile follow-up question that never

disappoints. It's simple yet powerful. When asked genuinely, it signals your
interest in the client's story and opens up space and psychological safety for
them to express their mind. Additionally, it's a good way to challenge the
client to dig deeper and cut to the heart of the matter.

3. What Will Happen If You Don't Take This Step?

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This is a client favorite. When using this question, I find we get to where we
need to be: the core of the challenge and the hesitation someone feels.
Sometimes a client can’t answer this question. That tells us we need to sit
where we are (sometimes, literally and physically), and ask it again.

4. What Does Success Look Like?

I like to ask this question because it helps a client stop and start visualizing
what they want and see in their lives. Somehow, when we get older, our
daydreaming stops. The client starts to articulate what they want to explore
from a passion perspective and is starting to take action in creating the path
they desire. Action is so key to goal-setting.

5. What Are Your 'Five Whys?'

Asking about their five whys is so simple, yet so powerful, as it gets to the root
cause of whatever they are facing. In the first two to three answers to this
question, my coachees are giving me a conscious answer — something that
they have rationalized for years or maybe even decades. Once we go deeper,
we get to the real reasons and the light bulb goes off.

6. What Are You Most Proud Of?

I often ask clients to consider the moments they are most proud of. This
question typically releases a flood of positive contributions and
accomplishments, reaffirming personal value. Recognizing unique worth and
identifying the areas where you made a difference bolsters confidence, spurs
positive action, and drives energy back into your work and/or goals.

7. What Do You Want?

I ask all of my coaching clients what they want to get out of our time and work
together. Then I tell them I am here to help them create the map that gets
them there. The fundamentals of performance-based progress are never hard
to find when we begin with what they are passionate about, and then help
them step into a place of greater focus, peace and balance.

8. What Have You Done To Try To Solve The Problem?

After a client describes their problem, I often ask them, "What are one or two
things you've tried to solve the problem?" The question is also a good set up
for follow up questions -- "Why do you think that didn't work?" or, "If you had
to do it differently, how would you do it?" These reflective questions can often
lead to an "a-ha" moment and the client solving their own problem.
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9. What Are You Doing To Not Achieve Your Goal?

Most clients come to me with big goals that they have yet to achieve even
though they have had them for many years. So, I ask them this question:
"What are you purposefully doing to not achieve this goal that is so important
to you?" The question is valuable because it helps them recognize that they’re
making choices every single day that will determine whether their hopes
become realities.

10. If Your Main Obstacle Didn't Exist, How Would Your Life Look?

This powerful question allows someone to engage in the possibility of

overcoming whatever obstacle is stopping them from reaching their goals. For
most people, it's fear. They get so stuck in that space that they think there is
no way out. Getting them to verbalize how it would feel without that challenge
allows their brain to bridge the gap and opens them up to find a solution.

11. What Do You Need Most Right Now?

Many times, people fail to look at what is most important first. Asking the
question, "What do you need most right now?" is powerful because it helps
the person to prioritize what is most important and needs immediate
attention. We all have limited time, so being forced to focus on the most
pressing needs as well as delineate the order of less important needs is
critical.

12. What Will Things Look Like After You've Been Successful?

What would "this" look like after you have been successful? How will you
feel? The Future or Dream State question does two things: It helps you define
what you really want out of a situation and it tricks your brain into feeling you
have achieved your goal. When you visualize how you feel after you have
already done it, you begin to feel that the task is easy to do.

13. What Is The Most Important Thing In The World To You, And Why?

It's surprising that most clients have never been asked this question and have
to dig deep to discover their truth. This is the most valuable knowledge one
can have about themselves, as it is their innate core driver, and once known
and honored in all area's of ones' life, provides a quickened path to
sustainable success.

14. What's Important About That To You?

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This question gets to the heart of what the person values. My clients will often
take a long pause, and I'll see them searching to identify and understand what
value the topic is triggering for them. It is incredibly powerful because we
often have ways of operating, but we don't often look at the underlying
principles that drive us. Often, our responses and actions are triggered by
what we value.

15. So What?

I often ask, "so what?" to a client who is stuck on something that impacts them
emotionally. Usually, the client takes some time to answer, and they recognize
that the worst thing that could possibly happen just isn't that bad. Other
times, there is a recognition that when they put words to the potential
outcomes, there is room to take action, even just a small step, to improve their
situation.

16. Why Not?

Change meets resistance. All too often, this resistance is self-imposed.

Responding to an “I can’t, won’t, shouldn’t” with “why not” challenges their
reactionary response. It gives them permission to get past the surface layer
block to get to the root of resistance. Then they can connect their authenticity,
drivers, goals and this new perspective to move forward.

10 Coaching Questions That Work In Any

Conversation by Keith Rosen

When coaching, finding the right question at the most

appropriate time is both a skill, as well as an art. Even
with the daily pressures and tight schedules, there are
still some baseline facts you always need to know in
any situation to ensure the guidance and advice you
offer is relevant and valuable. Here are 10 questions
you can use in practically every conversation.
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After coaching thousands of managers and salespeople worldwide, I’m overly

sensitive to ensuring the final transformation into a coaching guru is to coach
from your heart, not from your head.

However, just like learning anything new, such as how to swing a golf club, you’re
initially focused on doing it right; and that requires developing the best practices,
the mechanics of your swing, each movement, step by step. It is only after
consistent repetition of the same movement, does it become a habit and you
make your swing your own. You stop thinking about the mechanics, your
instincts kick in and you just do it. You feel confident that you can honor your
unique skills to create your own style, since it’s been created on a strong
foundation; the basics and core competencies everyone needs to learn.

The Baseline of Best

I find sales leaders and managers go through a similar transformation when
learning how to ask the right coaching questions. Granted, there’s a multitude of
different questions you can use in any coaching conversation. However, when
you have the most effective questions in front of you to ensure consistent use, the
conversation becomes magical and both the coach and coachee walk away from
that experience feeling great about the new possibility that was co-created. Value
was delivered, a new solution created, a new growth opportunity emerged.

That’s when this transformation starts to happen; the manager starts recognizing
positive results from coaching and subsequently, their confidence increases.
They begin to trust their intuition, their gut, their coaching abilities and their
instincts more and more.

The byproduct? The right questions start to show up naturally and organically
within each conversation.

Whether it’s sports, music or coaching people, you still need to start with a
baseline of best practices to ensure you have a solid foundation to build from
before you can make it your own and leverage your own style, strengths and
personality into your coaching.

We Resist What We Hear but Believe What We Say

With the right questions, the coachee creates the solution or solves their own
problem. Now, it’s theirs, so they now have ownership of the outcome, not the
coach. And if the coachee created the solution, they’re more apt to act on it,
rather than being told what to do.
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I have found certain questions to work in practically every conversation.

(Actually, I’ve provided you with more than ten questions but condensed a few
questions together, as there are several ways to ask the same question,
depending upon your own style of coaching and communicating.)

These questions are sure to make your coaching more efficient, effective and
intentional, now that you have a path of chronological coaching questions to
follow that will support the development of your people, while challenging them
to bring out their best. In addition, this leads to greater accountability and an
amplified level of self-awareness.

When you give people the space to share ideas and more important, be
heard and acknowledged, it strengthens people’s confidence, along with
the level of trust that’s essential for great coaching to occur.

Of course, depending upon the conversation, you may not need to leverage every
single question. However, as you use them throughout your coaching efforts,
you’ll start recognizing the questions that work best for you.

Keep in mind, this is just one of many ways to facilitate an effective coaching
conversation. And if you don’t have a great manager or a coach in your corner,
you can also leverage some of these questions for self-coaching! (Just don’t argue
with yourself over the responses you hear! ;- )

10 Coaching Questions That Work In Any Conversation

1. What is the outcome you’re looking to achieve here?
2. Can you share the specifics of what’s going on?
3. What have you tried so far?
4. How have you handled something like this before? (What was the outcome?)
5. Why do you think this is happening? (What’s another way to look at
this/respond? What else can also be possible/true? What assumptions could you
be making here?)
6. What’s your opinion on how to handle this? (EVERYONE has an opinion. Seek to
understand theirs first.) If I wasn’t here, what would you do to achieve/resolve
this? If we were to switch roles, how would you handle this? What ideas do you
have? What’s another approach that may work (which you haven’t tried yet?)
7. What’s the first thing you need to do to (resolve/achieve this)? (What would that
conversation sound like when you talk with……? TIP FROM THE COACH: Coach
The Message! The Big Miss for managers is stepping over the myriad of
opportunities to coach your people on their message, their ‘languaging,’ their
communication.)
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8. What resources do you need? (Who else do you think needs to be involved in
this? How else can I support you around your efforts to complete this?)
9. What are you willing to commit to doing/trying/changing (by when)? If you
couldn’t use that excuse anymore, how would you move forward?
10. When would it make sense for us reconnect to ensure you have achieved the
result you want?
Pleasure or Pain – Choose
If you sense any resistance to change or a lack of ownership around the issue,
goal or problem, you can weave in one of these questions that either help the
person better visualize what success means to them or articulate the implications
or consequences by not changing.

What would it mean to you if you could (achieve this, resolve this, etc….)? This
question helps the person visualize what’s in it for them – and it’s the thing that
they want rather than the manager trying to tell or ‘sell’ them on what the benefit
is. [/list_item]
How would this impact/affect you (your team, career, etc.) if this (continues,
doesn’t change, doesn’t get resolved)? This question enables the person to
see/articulate the measurable cost of not changing rather than being told the
negative consequence. Remember, if they say it, then they own it. And if they own
it, they act on it. When people feel threatened or hear less than favorable news,
quite often it leads to resistance and they in turn shut down.
Great questions stretch the coach and the coachee beyond the typical, superficial,
result driven, fire fighting conversation and instead, enable you to create richer,
more engaging conversations with superior outcomes.

10 of My All-Time Best Coaching

Questions & Why!
I LOVE questions - they're the cornerstone of great coaching. People are often looking for the best
coaching questions to ask, but it's not just the questions themselves - it's about asking the right
question at the right time in the right way. And that's a whole other topic!

Great questions however, become a part of our toolkit - with the best coaching questions selected for
the right occasion. Below I share 10 (with a few bonuses) of my all-time favourite coaching
questions, plus when I use them. I'd also love to hear some of your best coaching questions - just
comment below with yours!

Here are 10 of my All-time Best Coaching Questions!

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1. What would you like to have achieved by the end of this session?
I ask this (or a version of it) at the beginning of EVERY coaching session. This way both the client
and I are clear on what we're working on - which keeps us on track, and makes sure the client feels
like they are getting great value from the coaching!
2. What's MISSING in your life right now?
This question is deceptively simple - and powerful. We are all so busy these days, keeping it all
together... This question often points to unmet needs - and can become a powerful lesson, as we
help our clients learn to take responsibility for meeting their own needs...
TIP: I also love the questions, "What would you like MORE of in your life?" followed by "What
would you like LESS of?"
3. If you could change just ONE thing right now, what would it be?
Use when a client feels overwhelmed, or is unable to pick a topic or get focused.
4. How SPECIFICALLY will you know you've completed that action/goal?
It may sound like a dull question, but a lack of clarity is the MAIN reason people don't complete
their actions (and goals!). Instead help your clients learn to get specific! Because when we're super
clear it's easier to get started on actions, see our progress (which feels great) and know when to
celebrate!
5. What's the FIRST (or easiest) step you could take?
Use when dealing with big goals, when a client feels overwhelmed or is getting drowned in details
or worrying about the amount of work their goal entails.
TIP: I usually add "within the next week/month" or "tomorrow" depending on the goal/client.
6. What do you NOT want me to ask you?
Your clients answer to this questions points to an area they are avoiding. Bringing this into the
light and tackling it is almost always a powerful moment in our coaching relationship.
TIP: Ask this playfully!
7. How does that serve you?
As well as looking straight at self-sabotaging behaviour, this question can also be a great lead-in
to looking at why they might be sabotaging themselves. People often sabotage when they haven't
fully acknowledged the scary parts of changing, or the benefits of NOT changing.
TIP: Another question to ask is "What is the benefit of staying just as/where you are?"
8. How will you CELEBRATE that?
I don't just ask this about big goals, but also after a challenging action is completed. Celebration is
often missed, skipped or rushed over as we move onto the next thing. But without
acknowledgement our lives can easily become "one darned thing after another".
9. What's wrong with how you are RIGHT NOW? And where are you ALREADY Awesome?
I ask this when clients get fixated on things being better/different at some point in the future
(when they've achieved X/Y) instead of valuing themselves as they are, NOW.
TIP: Ask this question gently and earnestly. If you like you can add what you see as their coach,
"Because I see a beautiful woman inside and out who cares deeply about X and Y."
10. What was your biggest win of the session today?
I ask this at the end of EVERY coaching session. IT helps the client think about the benefits of
coaching, to see where they are learning and growing - and what matters to them. As well as
getting to know what matters most to my clients, this question has also helped me really
understand why people come to coaching as I see themes across clients over the years.

10 DEADLY MISTAKES WE ALL DO

WITH COACHING QUESTIONS
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In this blog post, I bring you ten mistakes we make when asking
Coaching Questions. I want to highlight the source of this blog
comes from Tony Stoltzsfus and his book, you can get it here.
In one of my previous blogs I explained how to Start Significant
Conversations, but when asking questions as a coach, it’s
imperative that you utilise the correct techniques, or the
respondent is unlikely to open up fully, stalling the coaching
process.
Asking closed questions
The very term “closed question” suggests a type of conversation
which is not leading anywhere, and for a good reason: These
questions tend to shut the coachee down rather than letting him
or her lead the conversation.

Why? They direct the coachee to a single “right” answer, rather

than allowing for multiple responses, which limits the coachee’s
ability to express him or herself. (This is not to suggest closed
questions never have any merit—they should just be used
carefully, and sparingly.)

Solution: Revise closed questions so that they become open.

Closed questions can usually be amended to open ones, even
after they have been uttered. If you find yourself asking a
question that encourages a simple “yes” or “no” answer stop.

Some examples:

 “Do you have time to complete this project by the end of the
week?”

 “Can you really take on more work right now?”.

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Assess it: Can you replace the opening of the question with a
“What” or a “How”? Asking a person how he or she will fit in more
work that week, or finish a project on time, opens the question
up to real feedback from the respondent.

Asking “Solution-Oriented Questions”

(SOQs)
Solution-oriented questions are a specific form of closed
question—a type which is not, in fact, really a question at all.
Instead, SOQs are statements with a question mark added to
them, usually intended as a form of advice.

When using SOQs, coaches are in essence steering coachees

toward what they have already decided is the correct answer.
SOQs usually start with phrases like “Shouldn’t you…” or “Can’t
you…” or “Don’t you think…”

Indeed, almost any question in which “you” is the second word

should be treated as highly suspect: Should you, could you, will
you, don´t you, can you, are you, etc., are all poor ways to open
coaching questions.

Solution: Retrace your steps to find why you arrived at the

insight that led you to ask a SOQ
Why do we ask questions in the first place? Because we’re
curious. Sometimes, however, that curiosity pushes us to leap to
generate solutions before we ask any questions, and then we
wind up simply feeding suggestions to whoever we are speaking
to.
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Not only does this imply we know better than the other person,
but it also shuts down the coachee’s own desire to think and look
for solutions on his or her own.

As such, you need to retrace your steps until you figure out why
you wanted to ask your question in the first place, and then
broaden the question so that multiple solutions become possible.

For example, if you had wanted to ask, “Shouldn’t you get your
boss’s permission before you do that?”, Trace back to your core
curiosity about the channels of authority one must go through
before completing the task at hand, and ask the coachee what
those channels are.

The answer might not, in fact, even be “the boss”.

Over-thinking questions
While it’s a wonderful quality to be thoughtful about the
conversation, there’s such thing as overdoing it. If you find
yourself regularly wracking your brain in pursuit of the “one true
question” that will unlock the psyche of the coachee in front of
you, it’s time to relax.

All that happens while you churn over the matter in your mind
endlessly is a long, awkward pause that kills the energy and
momentum of the conversation.

Such lapses, of course, often cause the other person to want to

end the talk altogether rather than encouraging him or her to
open up.
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Solution: Remember that a great conversation is a process

Great conversations are not kicked off by the “perfect question”;
instead, they evolve between two people due to mutual interest.
As a coach, it’s your role to just guide the coachee into thinking a
bit more deeply about the issues at hand than he or she would
otherwise, using a selection of general asking techniques such as
those contained herein.

It’s the coachee’s insight that truly matters, so focus on the

process that facilitates it, rather than trying to push yourself to
impossible heights of brilliance. Remember that often even
simple inquiries, like “Why is that?” or “Can you tell me more
about that?” are enough to prompt the coachee to think more
deeply and insightfully.

Asking overly vague questions

This habit often arises not from not from thoughtlessness, but
rather, from the same nervousness that drives seeking the “best”
possible question—coaches try to ask the same question in three
different ways, hoping to cover every possible angle.

This verbal maze soon loses the point of the question, however,
leaving the coachee confused and unsure of how to answer.

Solution: Slow down, take a deep breath and review the

heart of what you want to know
If you’re rambling because you haven’t yet figured out the most
succinct way to ask a question, try to keep in mind the fact that
allowing a short pause while you collect your thoughts is
ultimately less damaging to the flow of a conversation than a
lengthy detour.
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Remember that the client also needs some time to process the
information at hand, so not all lapses into silence necessarily
represent unused time on the part of the coachee, and indeed,
they are often required to generate the very insight you wish to
inspire.

If you are rambling because you’re worried the client doesn’t

fully understand the question you just asked, you’re probably
venturing dangerously close to “telling” the coachee the solution
you think he or she ought to reach, as outlined in the prior point
about solution-oriented questions.

Free yourself from your agenda and let the coachee guide the
conversation—the unexpected turns it takes might reveal the
most profound insights of all.

Asking “Interpretive Questions.”

As coaches, we have to be careful not to read too much into
clients’ statements and after that ask questions which reflect
these leaps of assumption. For example, if a coachee is expressing
dissatisfaction with the current project, diving in and asking how
long he or she has hated his or her job is likely to make the
coachee react more to the question (refuting your broad
statement) than think about the situation at hand and how to
resolve it.

Likewise, interpretive questions make the coach appear to have

an agenda, which erodes the trust of the coachee and closes down
communication.
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One should instead endeavour to appear to be a sympathetic

listener who is on the side of the coachee, who has no vested
interest in the conversation beyond helping him or her to
generate solutions to any issues present.

Solution: Reiterate the client’s words

One of the best ways to avoid accidentally interpreting the
coachee’s intent is to review and incorporate, his or her words
when formulating the question. Rather than asking how long the
client had hated his or her job, for example, keep the emphasis
on the word “project” and ask why he or she is frustrated with
the current project, when the issue started, or what (in the
coachee’s opinion) would make the project more enjoyable.

Asking rhetorical questions

Rhetorical questions are another form of problematic “statement
as question” conversational tactics; often they are particularly
troublesome as they have an emotional or judgmental aspect,
one which plainly espouses the speaker’s opinion of the
situation.

Rhetorical questions are most often reactionary in nature; for

example, asking things like “What did you do that for?”, “What
were you thinking?”, or “Isn’t that just an excuse?”

These statements leave no room for the other person to freely

voice his or her opinion, so when asked, they invariably stifle the
coachee’s own ability to generate insight about the situation at
hand.
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They also tend to provoke defensive conversational manoeuvres,

as they clearly showcase your already-formed negative opinion
of the person you are conversing with.

Solution: Drop the Attitude and Listen

When we react abruptly to others, we are often projecting based
on some preconceived notion of our own; as such, in these
instances, one must calm down and assess what about the
present situation is pressing one’s existing emotional buttons.

While doing so, one will often find that the present issue doesn’t
merit such an extreme reaction; rather, it’s merely been lumped
together with a collection of existing frustrations, making it seem
larger than it is.

Another worthwhile approach is to refocus one’s mind on the

coachee´s potential and ability. While it’s true that everyone can
be frustrating now and then, it’s equally true that we all have
unlocked potential residing within us, and a coach’s job is to
unlock that potential, no matter how hard to access it may at first
appear.

Remind yourself that negative judgments serve no purpose—

they won’t help you do your job, nor are they likely to generate
real solutions to whatever issues have arisen.

Asking “Leading Questions.”

Leading questions are similar to rhetorical questions and
solution-oriented questions in that they point the coachee
toward a certain answer; however, they tend to do so more
subtly, and the coach may not even be aware of his or her asking
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bias when asking a leading question. Leading questions are

therefore more insidious, and more difficult to catch in action
and correct.

Often, they even come across as helpful or encouraging, rather

than reactionary or judgmental; for example, asking a coachee
how he or she feels—in an attempt to be supportive—but then
suggesting a word describe that feeling (discouraged, frustrated,
etc.) is technically asking a leading question.

Solution: Introduce more than one option, or balance the

option you just presented
It’s almost impossible to entirely avoid diving into leading
questions now and then, but you can avoid their pitfalls through
one of two ways: You either introduce more options (i.e. “How
does that make you feel—disappointed, relieved, excited, or
something else?”) so the coachee has to think about his or her
response rather than simply agreeing with whatever you
suggest, or you can balance your question with a counter-
statement, such as by saying, “Will taking this new position
overwhelm you… or give you the freedom you need to reach your
fullest potential?”

Both of these corrections are ideal in the way they can be added
on as an addendum to one’s original question, meaning that the
flow of conversation does not even skip a beat.

Hesitating to interject
None of us likes to interrupt others—it can be rude to do so, after
all—but there are a time and place to interject to refocus a
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conversation, and as a coach, it’s up to you to recognise when

those moments occur.

A lot depends on the individual nature of the client—some will

almost always answer in a concise manner, so much so that you
feel it’s hard to get them to open up and elaborate, whereas
others will invariably ramble on for ten minutes after any
question is asked.

In either case, it’s up to the coach to facilitate insight, which is as

easily lost in too many words as too few.

Solution: Learn when and how to reset the focus of

conversations
One of the easiest ways to do this is to look for an opening to ask
the client another question; this shows that you are listening and
that you are interested in what he or she is saying, while also
granting the opportunity to guide the conversation back to
where it should be.

Simply saying something like, “Earlier you mentioned _____. I was

wondering…” is an excellent opener to reset the focus of most
conversations. If all else fails, preface your effort with an apology:
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but I don’t have long, and I was
wondering…”

Interrupting too frequently

Conversation is a bit of contradictory art—just as failing to
interject can be harmful (through leading to wasted time and
unclear insights), interjecting too often can be just as damaging.
While we may mean well when we do this—speaking from a
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place of enthusiasm, for example—it’s usually frustrating to the

client, and will, therefore, shut down conversations.

If you’re not sure how often you interrupt clients, it can be

helpful to record your conversations with them and then play
them back later, skipping to about the middle of the recording (as
any self-consciousness will probably have worn off by that time).

Honestly assess how often your words intrude in the middle of

the coachee’s sentences, and how often you finish his or her
sentences.

The solution: The two-second pause

Fortunately, the habit of interrupting too frequently is not hard
to break; just commit to placing a two-second pause (count “one,
one thousand; two, one thousand”) between when the coachee
finishes speaking and when you reply or ask a question.

If the coachee speaks up before you get a chance to interject with

your thought, save it for later and listen—the goal is to keep the
focus on the coachee’s ideas, after all.

Asking “Why” too often

While it’s tempting to ask others why they did, thought, or said a
certain thing, doing so too often makes people feel like their
motives are being questioned, which provokes defensive
feelings. None of us likes to endlessly justify our emotions or
actions, after all.

Solution: Replace “Why” with “What.”

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“What” usually works well in place of “Why”, with some minor

rephrasing; asking someone what factors led them to make a
certain decision, for example, sounds much less judgmental than
asking them why they made said choice. It also drives insight, as
it prompts the coachee to think more about the situation at hand,
and to re-assess his or her decisions.

CE E COACHINGUL SI CAM CE VREA EL

Coaching, mentoring, counseling: cuvinte la moda, folosite tot timpul, dar aproape de loc
intelese. Ceea ce pentru unul este coaching, pentru altul este mentoring. Mai mult chiar, exista si
“nuante”: business coaching, executive cxoaching, life coaching, community mentoring, cross-cultural
mentoring, developmental mentoring – pentru a numi numai cateva variante. S-a ajuns chiar la
definitii extreme de concise (gen “pilula”) – dar care, de fapt, nu spun nimic. De exemplu: “agitator al
performantei”, “provocator de success” sau chiar “breakthrough booster”. Toate ezitarile
hermeneutice sunt de inteles: coachingul a aparut acum 10-12 ani ca urmare a revolutiei
informationale.

Coachingul nu este o abordare experta, dar nici nu elimina nevoia de expertiza: expertul este
clientul. Relatia lui cu mentoringul, terapia si consilierea se vede din figura urmatoare:

HARTA CLIENTULUI

R I
counselling coaching
E C

G I

R S

E I

S
terapie mentoring A

I C

E U

M
HARTA PRACTICIANULUI

Pentru a usura intelegerea diagramei, incepem prin a defini “harta”. Singurul fel in care avem
contact nemijlocit cu ceea ce numim “realitate” este prin cele 5 simturi. Pe baza informatiilor primate
de la ele (filtrate in proportie de 99%) ne creem o imagine despre realitate, un model al lumii – o harta.
Toate deciziile le luam pe baza acestei imagini despre lume. Dar fiecare imagine (harta) este diferita
 20

de la individ la individ – experienta noastra ca oameni difera. Din aceasta cauza harta este unica si
irepetabila. In consecinta, exista si o diferenta intre harta mea si cea a clientului.

Principala diferenta dintre coaching si mentoring consta in definirea a ceea ce facem ca

practicieni: lucram dupa propriul model al lumii si il ajutam pe client sa se pregateasca pentru un viitor
in care urmeaza sa se comporte asa cum consideram noi ca este bine si oportun pentru el. Ne situam
in pozitia unei figuri parentale, a unui mentor.

Daca intentionam sa nu fim directivi, sa lucram pe harta clientului, evitand sa ne constituim

intr-un model sau sa il influentam, daca dorim sa il facem pe client sa isi identifice propriul set de idei
si opinii si sa actioneze pe baza lor, atunci facem coaching. De fapt, dorim sa conversam cu clientul in
“aici si acum”, bazandu-ne pe realitatea lui si sa il invitam sa exploreze diferite optiuni de a actiona.

Pornind de la aceste cateva elemente, putem, in sfarsit, sa clarificam conceptele.

Mentoringul reprezinta acel fel de lucru cu clientul in care mentorul are o specialitate anume
sau o experienta vasta intr-un domeniu, fapt care ii da posibilitatea de a actiona ca un model sau ca
un expert. Mentorul stie care sunt performantele si competentele necesare, asa ca el va fi cel mai in
masura sa decida asupra momentului in care clientii au atins nivelul necesar.

Mentorii care actioneaza in acest fel sunt, de obicei, profesionisti de varf, cu succese notabile in
domeniul respectiv. Ei sunt senior managerii care si-au demonstrat abilitatile de a opera cu eficienta
in organizatie. Tot in categoria mentorilor pot fi inclusi si expertii intr-un domeniu care au renuntat
insa la activitate.

Desi abordarea este in aici si acum, clientii fiind invitati sa analizeze ceea ce invata singuri si
impreuna cu mentorul, exista ideea – de cele mai multe ori nerostita – ca mentorul stie cel mai bine.

« Coaching » este termenul folosesit atunci cand se lucreaza in aici si acum, coachul si clientul
interactionand de o maniera logica, bazata pe dialog, prin co-crearea unor noi intelesuri, a unei noi
realitati a clientului, co-creatie care implica rolul coachului de facilitator si de parte activa, de creator
propriu-zis al clientului. Orice abilitate sau cunostinte specializate ale coachului sunt « uitate »
intentionat in asa fel incat harta clientului sa fie baza pe care se actioneaza.

Coachul intentioneaza sa ii faciliteze clientului explorarea propriului model despre lume folosind
intrebarile si tacerile si sa incurajeze pe acesta sa cerceteze si sa exploreze optiuni. Coachul evita sa ii
ofere pareri sau sfaturi, urmand ca responsabilitatea pentru deciziile luate sa apartina in intregime
clientului. Un coach ofera clientului sau altceva decat expertiza : un nou cadru de referinta in care
clientul isi regandeste problema si isi gaseste propriile solutii. Ca urmare, in orice sesiune de coaching,
presiunea este asupra clientului : el are problema, el stie toate detaliile problemei, el este constient
de toate implicatiile problemei – nu coachul. Un coach bun se gandeste numai la problema – nu la
solutiile posibile : ganditul la solutii este treaba clientului.

Pentru a pune presiune asupra clientului, coachul trebuie, paradoxal, sa faca cat mai putin – de
preferinta nimic ! El trebuie doar sa astepte ! Un coach bun stie ce sa NU faca ; clientul este cel care
trebuie sa faca ! Coachul nu il invata nimic pe client, ci ii creaza un spatiu de invatare. Clientul, daca
vrea, poate folosi acest spatiu si poate sa invete. Asta este responsabilitatea lui. Spatiul de invatare se
realizeaza, in principal, prin facilitarea dialogului intern ; coachul il insoteste pe client pe parcursul
acestui dialog.

In coaching se aplica dictonul : « when the student is ready, the master will appear ; and when the
master is ready, the student will appear ». Relatia dintre coach si client este o relatie intre egali.
 21

COACHING COMMUNICATION SKILLS

(Alain Cardon)

Coaching is not a theoretical field, but a professional activity or profession.

Consequently, practicing coaching does not call for knowledge in any specific
domain, but definitely requires skills. Learning how to coach is therefore more
about acquiring skills than about understanding issues or accumulating
knowledge. The two dynamics are fundamentally different and sometimes quite
contradictory. One may know, for example, how a car runs and may even be a
great car designer, but may not have extraordinary driving skills at all. Many
people may be excellent and very safe drivers, but may also have no knowledge
whatsoever about what is under the hood of the machine that takes them to work
every day .

It is also important to be aware that conceptual knowledge is generally easily

made available by books and the internet, and it can quickly be learned or
memorized. On the other hand, learning skills requires practice in specific learning
environments, such as flight simulators, on in the field. Some skills may even
take a very long time to acquire, and that is generally called “experience”. In
short, skills are a form of know-how that need to be practiced, practiced and
practiced again before they become a second nature to the one that displays them.

To give a simple coaching example of the difference between conceptual

knowledge and practical skills, one may know that listening is a very important
coaching tool, and have a very had time keeping quiet for even a very short span
of time. Understanding that silence is important to listening is common
knowledge. Naturally displaying silence and a capacity to really listen is often an
acquired skill.

Before introducing and explaining a first set of coaching skills, it is also important
to clarify their purpose. This brings us to what is often perceived as a major
paradox in the field of coaching: coaches listen to clients, but never offer solutions!
Indeed, numerous people need some time and explanation to understand and
accept that coaching skills or coaching know how is not focused on the coach
solving client problems or providing avenues to achieve client ambitions.
Fundamentally, the art of masterful coaching is the art of subtly creating a learning
space for the client to solve his problems, to develop her ambitions and grow.

Presenting an extensive set of skills or tools to serve this purpose may also be
misleading in as much as the unknowing or beginning coach may want to
extensively use these tools so as to manifest his or her presence and display
 22

competency. Real coaching, however is creating a space for the client to grow on
his own terms and in her own way, without being hindered by too “helpful” an
environment which may get in the way of an original and totally personal client
exploration and development.

Consequently, if the following tools are numerous, they may occasionally be

helpful while coaching clients. To be really useful, they should never get in the
way of a client’s search through the unfolding of his or her quest through personal
dialogue.

Co-Creating the Relationship

The techniques listed and explained below are fundamental to the coach skill set.
They figure among the most precious of coaching tools. Unfortunately they are
often underestimated, or just used to begin a coaching process, too soon brushed
aside by the average coach who rapidly get too involved and ask too many
questions.

Superficially, these techniques sometimes seem to be merely focused getting

clients to speak about their problems. This would give the coach all the useful
information to understand a client’s issues, much as a competent journalist would
get a person to speak so as to elicit as much data as possible before writing a
brilliant and synthetic article.

More deeply, the skill set presented below can be central in establishing and
developing the coaching relationship and are often totally sufficient to let the client
progress forward to his desired outcome, or to her ambitious goals.

The subtle relational posture for a professional coach is that he or she is not
necessarily focused on the content of a client’s dialogue as much as on the client
as a person, and on the unfolding of the client’s frame of reference. This can
include such items as the client belief system, client perceptions, client values,
client basic assumptions, client frame of mind, client emotional structure, client
limits and potentials, client thought patterns, etc.

When using the skill set presented below, it is of utmost importance to understand
that coaching is not so much focusing on a client’s problem or ambition, but much
 23

more focusing on who the client is and on how the client is dealing with his problem
or facing her ambition.

Used by a competent coach, these techniques, skills or tools ultimately serve to

create the matrix or the space in which the client will expose, explore, develop,
grow, create and mature his or her concern, and more importantly, his or her self.

These techniques are used by the skilled coach to create the coaching relationship,
and beyond, to create the space for the client to develop the relationship to himself
or herself. In that sense, these techniques serve the ultimate objective or purpose
of a coach, which is to be totally present, and almost transparent to the client who
is left to focus on his issue, or on her quest, unhindered.

 Silence

On the coach’s part, silence is basically knowing how to keep quiet, on knowing
how not to intervene in the client’s “dialogue”, on knowing how not to express
feelings, reactions nor ask questions. If this technique or skill sounds relatively
basic, it is often the most difficult for some coaches to display. Beginners or
budding coaches often need to “feel useful”, to show their problem solving
competency, to display their creative intelligence, etc. They often display an
uncontrollable desire to expose their points of view, an urge to share their
thoughts or experiences, an impatience to “drive” the client more efficiently,
etc.

Silence can be considered the “foundational” technique in coaching. Coaching

silence creates a space in which the client can unfold his frame of reference
and explore her personal territory. Much like a pump, silence creates a form
of vacuum which will serve to “aspire” client expression, which will elicit client
reflection and dialogue.

To ensure that the coaching “space” or matrix created by silence is welcoming,

positive and warm, to give the client indications that the coach is accompanying
progress, a large number of more active skills or techniques are useful to create
the relationship.

 Listening

Beyond just being silent, the second fundamental coaching skill is to really
listen. Listening is an art that consists in actively and warmly receiving,
 24

understanding and accepting the client thoughts and thought patterns,

emotions and reactions, affirmations and doubts, etc. as they are, for what
they are. Listening is neither agreeing nor disagreeing. It is non-judgemental
and non comparative just plain “reception”.

In active listening, the coach silently reaches out to grasp the mental,
emotional, symbolic and sensory environment of the client’s expression to fully
grasp and unconditionally accept his or her total frame of reference, mind
patterns, values system, etc. without intervening one way or the other.

 Posture

The general “correct” coaching postural stance for listening is sitting (or
standing) straight. This being said, however, the body posture is often adapted
to the client’s position and/or movement in a form of “dance” as the coaching
relationship unfolds during the course of a session.

Generally speaking, when the coach is leaning or stepping back, the message
that comes across to the client is one of distance, maybe lack of interest.
Distance may also be very useful at times, to give the client more “breathing
space”, at other times to “mirror” or synchronize client behaviour. When the
coach is leaning or stepping forward, the message that comes across to the
client is one of “taking over” or of getting “taken” or involved with the content
of the client dialogue. This coach position may also be useful at times, to give
the client more warmth, support, or to display more coach commitment.

Consequently, it is generally useful for a coach to be aware of his or her body

posture, and to its “complementary” or “contradictory” nature compared to the
client’s posture. If a client is leaning forward (involved) and the coach is
leaning back (detached), the difference will be felt by the client, and may be
counterproductive in the unfolding of client dialogue. This is true of a number
of other “complementary” and “contradictory” coach and client body postures.

 Body Language

Effortlessly, body language gives the client numerous physical if not “animal”
indications of an active and receptive coaching presence, or on the contrary,
of coach disinterest. It is consequently useful to know that most clients will
intuitively or naturally know when a coach is or is not fully listening, is or when
the coach is or is not fully present and accompanying client dialogue.
 25

Indeed, one will often notice that whenever there is one short minute breach
in coach attention, the client will immediately feel the “break” in the
relationship, and loose focus on his or her personal dialogue. This instant
awareness of “total” coach presence is felt by the client through a number of
physical indicators that the coach constantly and unconsciously emits while
intensely listening.

It is therefore opportune to make an inventory of these physical indicators.

The objective, of course, is not that the coach learn how to “control” them or
learn how to “fake it”. Any conscious effort to “display” any of these natural
phenomena will often be perceived by the client as being superficial or non
authentic Consequently, the objective for the coach is to listen to the client,
and to let these indicators of presence naturally and appropriately “flow out”
without hindrance. That skill can be acquired, with practice.

 Eye Contact

When observing a competent coach while he or she is listening intently, one

will often notice that the coach is continuously keeping strong eye-to-eye
contact with the client. This displays focused interest in the client, and helps
developing the relationship. To the client, a break in eye contact is instantly
noticed, and often signifies a break in interest.

It is generally through eye contact that two bodies reach a certain degree of
synchronization. It has been proved that two people actively engaged in
conversation, martial arts, dance, etc. with solid eye contact develop closer
and closer cardiac rhythm, arterial pressure, breathing rhythm, sometimes
synchronized electro-encephalograms. Unflinching eye contact with a foe in
boxing or judo often gives advanced warning of the blow or hold that is to come
These measurable phenomena would almost indicate that two bodies in intense
communication adapt each other’s functions to the point of almost becoming
one. (c.f. Desmond Morris)

These communication phenomena happen very naturally between two people

(or animals) by just being there to each other, with intense concentration
through eye contact, and letting the body naturally do the rest. None of this
can be done consciously, and whenever the attention is broken by one or the
other, both partners intuitively and instantly sense it.

 Blinking
 26

When one person is intensely listening to another’s conversation or dialogue

and keeping continuous eye contact, he or she will often display a primary form
of punctuation that may not be perceived by the environment. Observation
often reveals that the listening partner in a conversation is blinking in rhythm
to the conversing person, as if to silently say “yes”, “yes”, to the other’s
development, putting commas between the sentences and phrases of his or
her dialogue.

This occurrence also commonly takes place when a coach is intensely listening
to a client dialogue. Intuitively catching on to the coach’s blinking, the client
senses that the coach is synchronized or in rhythm, following, participating
through listening. This helps the client carry on with more and deeper sharing.

 Nodding

More commonly, almost everyone is aware that naturally nodding one’s head
in rhythm to another’s speech indicates presence and acceptance. The same
synchronized nodding to accompany client dialogue is also a form of
punctuation that is displayed by listening coaches. This physical movement
signifies “I’m with you, carry on”.

Beware, however. Excessive nodding may be perceived as a caricature of the

“listening posture”. When the movements are exaggerated or when they
continue for a lapse of time after the client has stopped talking, the reaction
by the client could become one of “enough”. Generally, nodding is often
associated with or accompanied by guttural sounds or more precise verbal
“punctuating” interjections.

 Verbal Punctuation

Intense listening, eye blinking and nodding are often also accompanied by
different forms of audible verbal punctuation such as hum-hum, yes, yes, wow!
really ? and...? so…? etc. These are generally short, one-syllable words that
could be translated as commas, question marks, exclamation points,
suspension marks, and other forms of literary punctuation.

The intensely listening coach occasionally injects this punctuation into the
client dialogue, to display accompanying presence. Beware however, on
adapting the dosage to different clients and situations. Excessive punctuation
may cause the client to feel cornered or pressed, not having enough space for
personal dialogue. Too little punctuation may cause some clients to feel a little
 27

abandoned. Those may need a closer accompanying presence displayed by

more present coach behaviour.

Consequently, it is useful for a coach to know when a client needs more

punctuation, and when it is better to inject less verbal acknowledgement of
presence, so as to fit each specific client’s needs. It can be probably be
summarized that most extroverted clients need more continuous
manifestations of coach presence and support, while introverts are usually
quite comfortable with less punctuation which they could often perceive as
excessively interruptive to their internal quest.

 Last Word Repetition

Beyond punctuating another’s speech to accompany that person’s dialogue and

help him or her express their thoughts more deeply, other “light” or easy tools
or skills can used to nudge the speaker along. One of the simplest techniques
is to repeat the last word or group of words, adding to the repetition a
questioning intonation, for example:

Client:_ “I am questioning my recent choices and looking for new options.”

Coach:_ ”New options?”

 Key-Word Repetition

Close to the previous technique, repeating a key word that has occurred in the
middle of the client dialogue with a questioning intonation will often send the
client elaborating on that keyword, exploring his or her thoughts a little more
deeply. For example, should a client say:

_“I have a lot of doubts about what course of action to choose.”

The coach could just repeat a key word with a questioning intonation:

_“Doubts?”

And the client will generally develop more on and around that word to explore
his or her frame of reference a little deeper. In that example, note that the
coach could also choose to say :

_“Course of action?”

The client would then probably develop a whole set of different thoughts,
focused on the future, searching for options and designing action plans.
 28

This illustrates that the word a coach chooses to repeat will have an influence
on the direction of a client’s work. The subsequent client personal dialogue is
directed by the coach’s choice and therefore needs to be useful to the client,
(not necessarily to the coach). Consequently the choice of which word to
repeat could be either strategic or useless to a client, and merits a moment of
thought on the coach’s part.

 Key-Word Questioning

Another way to get to the same result from the client is for the coach to ask
the full question insinuated by the key-word “repetition” technique. In the
above example, the coach could ask the client:

_“Can you say more about your “doubts?” or

_“Can you elaborate on what you mean by “course of action?”, or again

_“Can you give an example of …?”, etc.

 Positive Reinforcement

In a large number of cultures, worldwide, positive reinforcement is considered

as ultimately supporting and motivating to promote healthy development and
growth. Consequently, whenever possible (but without overdoing it), a coach
can offer the client positive, supportive and validating comments.

_“Wow, that is an important issue”,

_“Congratulations on your work and results”,

_“I admire your honesty with yourself”,

_”You are really displaying a lot of courage here”,

_“I love your insights!”,

_“You are very creative with your search for solutions”,

_“You are making really good progress here”

_“That sounds important to you!” are a few examples.

Needless to say, these “positive reinforcement” comments are all the more
effective if they are not felt as judgemental, and if they are honestly and
spontaneously offered by the coach, at the right time, for the right reasons.
Beware that is some cultures, excessive positive reinforcement, or a very
empathetic tone of voice while delivering them can be felt either as
manipulation or hypocrisy.
 29

 Validation/Permission

Visualize a client who would say:

_“I have difficulty trusting people in my work environment” with a dramatic

face.

The coach could either respond with a non-committal “And…”, or offer support
with:

_“In some environments, that can be considered a healthy attitude, don’t you
think?”

This type of validating response serves to de-dramatize the issue and open the
field for the client to explore the situation without feelings of guilt or fear of
judgement.

Creating a space for the client to explore problems and solutions often means
giving the client the permission to accept their own reality, intuitions, feelings
and perceptions. This validation or permission for the client to be who he or
she is, may be through a short supportive and emphatic

_“I know what you mean!” or

_“I’ve been there and reacted in exactly the same way!”.

Support may also take place through a more factual approach. In the above
distrust situation, the coach can input:

_“So far, you are expressing your facts, but what do you want to do about it?”

This can help the client change focus and work towards future solutions. This
illustrates that it is not necessarily a coach’s role to question or doubt a client’s
perception. A coach’s function can often simply be to accept the client’s frame
of reference and accompany the development of future solutions.

 Humour

Not to confuse with sarcasm, irony, or making fun of someone. The right
dosage of humour at the right time can help to give the client sudden healthy
distance from the described concern:

Client : _ “I am sort of… I don’t know how to …I am...;”

Coach: _ “At a loss of words, maybe?”

 30

Most productive humour cannot be planned on the coach’s part. It just comes
out, surprises everyone and lightens the atmosphere. Humour suddenly
creates a break in rhythm and that can give the client new perspective on the
work process or content. Humour often supplies an immediate capacity to
perceive differently.

 Ask for permission

Coaching is respecting the client’s space for personal dialogue. In much the
same way as it is proper to knock on the door before entering someone’s
private room, a coach can usefully ask for permission before entering the
client’s unfolding frame of reference.

_“May I interrupt?”,

_“Can I ask a question?”,

_“May I express a perception?”,

_“May I share a feeling?”,

_“I’d like to offer a thought, if I may?”.

These displays of respect will often add to the client’s awareness that the space
for reflection is his, or that the responsibility for progress is hers.

Asking for permission also has a beneficial boomerang effect on the coach.
Each time he or she seeks a client invitation to “enter”, the process will remind
the coach that intervening in the client’s unfolding work should be rare, short
and strategic.

Furthermore, asking for permission to input often invites the client to give the
coaching interruption all the attention it should deserve.

 Invitations

Another respectful skill is the art of inviting the client to assume responsibility
in the process of the work, often by using the form of a question that is eliciting
a “yes” on the client part..

_“Are you ready to start this session?” can be a gentle way to begin a coaching
process when the coach indeed feels that the client is ready.

_“Do you want to take a short break?”, can help the client acknowledge the
need to take some perspective after intense work, and
 31

_“Are you ready to work on an action plan?” can be a way to suggest that the
client move on to a different focus and pace.

_”Should we start concluding on this?” is a gentle reminder that the coaching

session or sequence is coming to an end, and that the client should focus on
wrapping up..

Sometimes inviting the client to go in a certain direction can have a paradoxical

or contrary effect. For instance, this is the case when a client is hesitantly
undergoing intensive and difficult work. Should the coach invite the client to
stop if necessary, and take a breather, the common client reaction is to firmly
decide to continue, with much stronger determination. This is where we
observe, again, that when a client feels that the responsibility to progress is
his or hers, the motivation and energy to move ahead can be much greater.

 Expressing feelings

This empathetic skill consists in the coach sharing a personal feeling with the
client, for example:

_“I am deeply moved by what you just said”, or

_“I am in admiration of the meticulous way in which you design your action
plans.”

This type of sharing illustrates how some authentic personal input on the
coach’s part can help consolidate the relationship and give the client a
supportive environment to continue on his or her quest.

Coaches being human beings too, expressing a strong emotion or admitting to

a stubborn feeling can also help manage the situation, on a more personal
level.. Verbalizing or expressing emotional involvement is a way of putting it
at some distance, and can help the coach return to focusing on the client and
the process at hand.

 Expressing Perceptions

A coach can also sometimes choose to express his or her perception of the
client, so as to help the latter become conscious of something that may have
escaped attention. Such an offer should generally be followed by a question
aiming to get client reaction or to proceed to other work:

_“It seems to me that so far, you are feeling quite satisfied with the progression
of your career. Would you say that?”
 32

_”I have the impression this last option you have presented is not really the
most motivating for you. Is this correct?”

_”From the moment you have expressed changing employers, your face
seemed to express more excitement. Does that correspond to your feelings?”

It is useful to express perceptions when the coach feels that observed client
behaviour may be revealing attitudes of which she is not aware or feelings that
have escape his perception. This may happen when the coach has observing
changes in client tone of voice, rhythm, posture, body movements, etc. that
may be related to the content of the dialogue.

 Reformulating

Reformulation is re-expressing in one’s own words a complex or lengthy client

development, and then asking for acknowledgement on the exactitude of the
feed-back loop. Beware, this skill needs both precision and a capacity to use
synonymous words or expressions so as not to merely parrot the same
sentences back to the client.

As with other skills mentioned above, a reformulation sequence should be

preceded by a permission to do so, and followed by a question asking the client
if the coach feedback loop is reasonably correct. Should the client rectify or
add to the coach’s reformulation, always remember that the client is right and
has the final word on the content of his or her dialogue.

This technique is most useful, and sometimes powerful when both the content
and the tone reflect a deep understanding of the client’s frame of reference. It
is like putting a slightly personalized mirror in front of clients to allow them for
a look at their reflection. This can explain that if the reflection is incomplete
or incorrect, if it is repetitiously and ritually imposed, or it is offered at
inappropriate times, the client may lose patience.

 Offering Metaphors

A somewhat similar technique to reformulation, offering a metaphor is

interrupting client dialogue with a very short (ideally one or two words)
metaphor, image, analogy or popular saying that clearly fits in the client frame
of reference. By its short nature, this is almost a form of punctuation. It also
gives the client the satisfaction of feeling that the coach has grasped the
essence of his or her concerns.
 33

Beware, however. Should the coach take more time to express a longer
metaphorical story or illustration, the client may feel interrupted in a pesonal
chain of thoughts, and the coaching process could be disturbed. The coach
should not give in to the urge to share personal associations that may interrupt
the client’s work tempo and put him or her in a passive/receptive mode.

 Humility

When using some of the above skills such as reformulating client dialogue,
expressing personal feelings or perceptions, a coach should remember that he
or she is venturing on client personal territory. Those intrusions require a
respectful if not an outright humble approach:

_“I may be wrong but…”,

_“I am not sure about an impression but…”,

_“I don’t know if I understood correctly but…”,

_“I’m not sure I follow you, but…”,

_“This may be a personal projection, but …”, etc are some ways to introduce a
point of view, a reformulation or a perception, while giving the client the option
of brushing it away.

Remember, that the coach’s point of view, perceptions, interpretations are not
so important, unless they serve client progression in their own frame of
reference, on their own terms and at their own pace. Should a coach ever
volunteer a personal perception, he or she could use introductory “oratory
precautions” such as the ones illustrated above, and should be immediately
ready to openly back away, accepting and admitting that the input or sharing
was not useful for the client’s work.

 Commenting on the coaching relationship

Much like with any other relationship, it is sometimes useful to meta-

communicate, or to communicate on the coach-client communication and
relationship. This can be followed by a question to elicit the client’s point of
view, or to focus on the next steps in the coaching process:

_“I feel that we are understanding each other better and becoming more
performing. What do you think?”

_”I feel that there is more trust between us, and that helps your work. Would
you agree with this?”
 34

_”I feel that we are getting stuck; what shall we do?

In all the above examples, notice that the we offer both the coach and the
client to share responsibility, and the ending question that the client decide on
the next step.

Although it is far from complete, the list of coaching skills presented above is
sufficiently extensive to start practicing growth relationships. These tools and a
host of others serve two main purposes : create the relationship while offering the
client more than enough personal room to grow.

Notice that all these skills can apply to any coaching situation no matter the nature
of the client’s content, whether it may concern problems or solutions, ambitions
or aspirations. Whatever the field covered by a client’s dialogue, the same simple
coaching skills can be at the service of rapid progression in relative client
autonomy.

Notice also that the list of skills has been presented in a general order of increasing
complexity. This is not to infer that these skills should be used in any specific
order in a coaching sequence.

Likewise, the list does not intend to infer that all should be used in a coaching
sequence. Indeed, like most tools in a complex and well furnished toolbox, most
interventions require at most just a few tools, used sparingly at the right time to
obtain the best results.

This is to impress the fact that masterful coaching is not an extensive

demonstration of coaching skills. Powerful coaching takes place when excellent
progress is made by an empowered client within a highly supportive and delegated
environment.

To practice the skill set presented above, note also that all the tools can be used
in everyday life, as a husband or as a wife, as a manager or as a co-worker, as a
salesperson or as a buyer, as a human being concerned with understanding
whomever we are facing in every day life. In fact, coaching tools are no more
than a set of “everyday” communication skills.
 35

COACHINGUL – CHEIA IMBUNATATIRII PERFORMANTEI

Intrebare: Ce au in comun vondusul unei masini, vanzarea unui calculator, mersul pe bicicleta,
managementul altora si jocul de tennis?

Raspuns: Toate sunt abilitati pe care le obtinem prin exercitiu, invatare si coaching direct. De
fapt, acesta este singulul fel in care devenim eficienti in orice abilitate.

Daca obiectivul tau este sa ii ajuti pe ceilalti sa isi imbunatateasca competentele in executarea
unei sarcini specifice, atunci rolul tau este cel de coach. Uneori coachingul implica transmiterea de
cunostinte – dar asta este doar o parte infima a coachingului. Scopul real al unui coach este de a ajuta
o persoana sa devina mai performanta.

Abilitatea de a face coaching este un instrument puternic. Este singurul fel in care se poate
realize la celalalt o imbunatatire reala a performantelor. Si, Ca orice alta abilitate, coachingul este un
process ce trebuie invatat si, mai alex, exersat, pentru a putea fi folosit efficient.

Iata cateva reguli ale coachingului:

1. Stabiliti niveluri de asteptare. Exprimati-va clar asteptarile si obiectivele si explicate de ce

acestea sunt dezirabile atat la nivel individual cat si organizational.
2. Observati performanta. Observati si determinati nevoile celui caruia ii oferiti coaching in
urmatoarele domenii: cunoasterea a ceea ce trebuie facut, abilitate in a executa acele sarcini,
nivelul de bunavointa si incredere si orice bariere care limiteaza performanta.
3. Masurati si evaluati rezultatele. Comparati comportamentele cu rezultatele si rezultatele cu
obiectivele. Cresteti sau coborati “targeturile” bazandu-va pe nivelul present de competenta
ale celui evaluat.
Repetati aceste etape pentru a incuraja imbunatatirea continua. Atunci cand oferiti coaching
altora, declarati de la inceput rezultatul pe care doriti s ail obtineti; recunoasteti orice success, oricat
de mic; dirijati spre solutii in loc sa criticati greselile; si incercati sa finalizati orice interactiune din
pozitia “castig”. Aceste elemente vor face ca interactiunea de coaching sa fie un element pozitiv, fapt
ce va face ca oferta de coaching sa fie din ce in ce mai bine acceptata si chiar cautata.

Oricare dintre urmatoarele abordari ale coachingului pot fi potrivite intr-o anumita situatie:
*Treceti cu vederea problemele minore, care sunt relative lipsite de importanta * Luati-i temporar o
parte din sarcini, oferindu-I in acest fel un ajutor * Evitati esecurile premature adaptand obiectivele la
posibilitatile reale * Intrerupeti-va comportamentele si influentele destructive * Confruntati scuzele
care duc la esec * Explorati impreuna cu subordonatul optiuni si alternative * Analizati, sfatuiti si
actionati * Exersati, repetati si experimentati * Laudati, felicitate, recompensati * Dedicati-va in
intregime succesului si demonstrate celorlalti aceasta dedicare.

Coachingul, ca orice alta abilitate interactive, este extreme de efficient atunci cand constituie
si o forma de relationare cu persoana care primeste coachingul. Nu exista un fel “correct” de a face
coaching, dar exista multe feluri potrivite de a face coaching. Abilitate de a observa si de a evalua vor
elmimina acele variante putin adaptate fiecarui caz in parte.

Un coach bun este tinut minte, admirat si recompensat substantial Ca urmare, a deveni un
coach bun si efficient marita orice effort.
 36

Fear of Failure
By Deborah Kintner edited by Dwayne Cox

One of the challenges faced by many people involves a need to cover all
contingencies before proceeding with action. While, on the surface this may appear
to reflect reasonable caution and planning, it actually can stall a person to the point
of getting stuck. Often, this need to ensure that all possibilities are projected and
considered in advance represents a fear of being able to handle unpredicted
situations. Unfortunately, while one is formulating every possible scenario, no
progressive action is taking place. The seemingly reasonable caution in the words,
"What if?" has created a roadblock to the actions which can lead to success.

It is important to realize that none of these possible scenarios represent current

reality. They are simply projections of possible occurrences. Sadly, however, they
can lead to a fear of taking action, lest some of these events might actually occur.
Zig Ziglar has described FEAR as False Events Appearing Real. Consequently,
when faced with fears, the first step in confronting them consists of reminding
oneself that such events have not occurred and may never occur.

Rather than wallow in the possible difficulties, work on re-framing your thoughts in
more positive terms. Instead of thinking of a projected event as a "catastrophe," view
it as a "challenge". Other words/ideas include "enigma," " puzzle," "mystery,"
"opportunity," or "adventure." In fact, even your physical sensations/emotions may be
re-labeled. For instance, to some, the sensations of agitation, sweating palms, dry
mouth, and fluttering in the stomach may be interpreted as "fear." However, those
exact sensations could be labeled as "anticipation." Most people would much prefer
anticipation rather than fear. However, they fail to realize that the manner in which
they label the experienced sensations involves a choice. If you want to feel positive,
choose the positive label.

Remind yourself that you have encountered difficult situations before and survived
them, maybe even benefited from them. Think about what skills you used to get
through tough times in the past and practice them. By polishing the skills which
assist you in counteracting challenges, you can shift your mindset from a fearful
"What if?" attitude to one of "So what.., then what?" With such an attitude, you
change your focus from fearing the future to welcoming it with the knowledge that
you possess the capabilities to handle whatever occurs.

Use mistakes and negative events as opportunities to learn. Consider the case of
Thomas Edison, who underwent several thousand trials before finding the right
combination for the filament for the incandescent light. When questioned concerning
his method for withstanding so much failure, he replied, "I never considered any one
of them a failure because in each case I found out what did not work." By not
repeating an action that did not work in this particular situation, he increased his
chances that he would eventually arrive at a successful culmination. You can find
similar success by examining events which have not worked well, changing some of
your actions, and evaluating the results. By doing so, you are learning skills needed
 37

to ensure future success.

By reducing your need to cover every possible contingency and releasing yourself
from the need for perfection, you actually free yourself to take the actions - and risks
- needed to succeed. Rather than allowing yourself to be grounded by fear, you open
yourself to the eventuality of flying with the eagles. Soar on!

Many sites include various definitions and each person crafts their definitions a little
differently. Coaching is in a constant state of transformation. What coaching was all about
five years ago is different now, as we are learning more all the time about how to be more
effective as coaches, and are evolving the language, practices, competencies and
distinctions of all types of coaching.

At the end of the day, coaching is about evoking excellence in others.

Experienced coaches will take what is known as an ontological approach to coaching,
which takes into consideration in a comprehensive way who a person is being, what a
person is doing and what that person is having. Ontological includes all domains and
environments. We are just now taking on defining what environmental designing includes, so
this is an example of how coaching is evolving. The world view of the person being coached
is explored through different lenses, and their development is addressed wholistically. See
Newfield's approach or NVW's approach for more about an ontological approach to
coaching.

As far as the difference between different kinds of coaching, personal coaching is more
about working with someone individually, outside of their work environment, such that they
have more access to possibilities for new ways of being and doing that were not available to
them due to limiting beliefs, stories, habits, patterns and so forth, which are made visible to
them and summarily transformed through their work with a coach.

See "What Coaches Do" to get a better idea of some of the things coaches are up to with
their clients.

As far as the difference between corporate coaching and organizational coaching and
business coaching and executive coaching, it is clear that key employees have needs that
are different than the needs of small business owners, and CEOs have needs that are
different than managers. Those who work with executives around their particular needs are
known as executive coaches. Those who work with small businesses are known as
business coaches. Coaches who work with managers and key employees at larger
companies are known as corporate coaches.

The specific needs of various types of people, like professionals such as architects,
attorneys, doctors, accountants and so forth are handled by coaches who may refer to
themselves as personal coaches, or as business coaches, depending on their training and
the areas they enjoy coaching. If a coach is working on personal issues with someone, such
as relationship or communication issues, or life planning, the person could be referred to as
a personal coach. It is truly more about how the coach self-identifies. If they are focusing on
improving business results, they would probably be called business coaches. There is some
 38

overlap. The important thing to know is that a well trained coach works with people,
regardless of their situation, in a comprehensive way.

A small business owner needs to have balance, so a business coach would need to find out
about how that person is handling all of their relationships and activities, including those that
are not directly involved in the business.

Leadership and Coaching

by Sylvia Dolena

Whether leaders are “born or made,” cannot be answered easily. There are many
questions to consider. Can one achieve true greatness without some natural talent to
build upon? What part does opportunity, experience, education and support play in
one’s achievements? The bigger question is, what needs to happen to allow natural
talent to fully develop and blossom?

Many corporations are turning to coaching as an answer to the talent wars by

growing their own leaders. Some corporations are doing this as an experiment and
others as a full commitment. “Why climb over your competitor’s fence and steal the
fruit if you can grow it yourself and build loyalty at the same time?”

Morgan McCall in his book High Flyers says, “From a competitive standpoint, it is
reasonable to assume that competitive advantage lies not in finding leaders in a
broad talent pool that everyone else can draw from but in creating a proprietary
talent pool through judicious developmental practices.”

With the free agent mentality of many of today’s employees and no expectation of
long-term employment in their current companies, loyalty amongst employees even
beyond the Gen-Xers is meager.

How can coaching address both the issue of employee loyalty and development of
employees into world-class talent?

In this four part series, we will examine four areas where coaching can make a
significant difference.

-Part 1: Coaching and feedback.

Feedback for the purpose of development and improving performance is critical.

Many times feedback is non-existent. Many managers are uncomfortable in

delivering feedback and tend to avoid it unless there are blatant issues to address.

When feedback is present, why does it work sometimes and not other times?

There are many issues associated with feedback that contribute to the employee
“not getting the message” or not acting on the message. Many times feedback is
 39

vague or not grounded in specific examples. Broad generalizations about

performance are difficult to act upon. At times the receiver of the feedback does not
believe the feedback because the source is not credible, doesn’t trust the feedback
giver or is suspicious of another’s motives. Occasionally, the employee just does not
see the importance of the feedback or does not believe that the feedback applies to
them.

This is where the coach is invaluable.

The coach is an objective partner unconstrained by corporate politics, hidden

agendas or history. The coach develops a trusting relationship with her client as the
critical foundation of all their interactions. The coach has the client’s success in mind
when she delivers direct and specific feedback. She enables her client to see their
gaps and opportunities for growth through distinctions and examples based in
observation. Non-judgmental feedback enables the client to “let it in” and creates the
clearing for taking new action.

Talent Wars 2: Opening for Corporate Coaching

Building Strategic Competency through Coaching
by Sylvia Dolena, Business Transformation Consultant and Coach
Hewlett Packard Company

( see also Talent Wars 1 )

The Business Environment:

In this internet speed race to market and profits, what are the
critical success factors? What happens when the market shifts into
a different direction? What occurs when your organization must
course correct quickly or change strategy? How do you build
new competencies to meet the demands of your industry and
your customers?

These are core issues that many corporations are facing today.
The answer is not simple and there is no quick fix. However there
are strategies that companies can integrate as part of their longer term
strategic plans to mitigate these issues.

Strategic Competency Analysis:

As part of the strategic planning process, corporations can look at
four areas* that will assist in identifying their competency gaps.
First, look at the industry, market and customers. What is in demand here?
What is the basis of competitive advantage in this target area? What
core competencies are relevant to succeed in this market today and
in the future?

Second, what are the organization's strategies? What is their strategic

intention; what are they saying they will do as a company to compete
in their chosen market? Again, what core competencies do we need to
fulfill our strategic intent? Are we including strategies that will develop
our core competencies?
 40

Third, what is our strategic action? What are we actually doing? This is
where many companies have breakdowns. When the bottom line shrinks
or when many other priorities emerge, many short-sighted organizations
deviate from their longer-term strategies and cut development in order to
address the shorter-term emergent priorities.

Last, what are the gaps between what we have and what we need? Who
will fill these gaps or how these gaps be filled? This is the area that interventions
and coaching can make a difference. Coaching is a strong differentiator in how
well these competency gaps in key leaders can be addressed.

Here is a model that could be used in a corporation to develop an

Executive Development Program.

Commitment and Sponsorship:

Building strategic competency in an organization takes commitment and
sponsorship. A Fortune 50 company three years ago cut all of its leadership
development programs because of three disappointing financial quarters. Much
of the momentum in these programs was lost. Today, the company has put in
place a system of programs to address executive leadership. Unfortunately, the
programs are a bit late. There is a scramble to hire the "right stuff" in a highly
competitive market.

Opening for Coaching Proposal:

This is an opening for a corporate coaching proposal. How are your target
companies faring? Do they have the competencies they need to be successful?

1) Based upon the organizations' market, competition and strategies, what

competencies do they need to succeed? An organizational assessment of
 41

capabilities,
competencies and skills will identify the gaps.
2) A second level assessment can then be done to determine the critical positions
necessary to execute the strategies. Who are the people in those positions and
what are their capabilities? This will identify competency gaps in target individuals.
3) Based upon the results of the assessments, build a two-part proposal:
Part I of the proposal is designed to fulfill the more immediate need of coaching
individuals in critical jobs.
Part II of the proposal is designed to be a longer-term plan to build the strategic
competencies necessary for future success in the entire organization. This part of
the
proposal can be integrated to support any existing development programs.

Morgan McCall in his book High Flyers says, "From a competitive standpoint, it is
reasonable to assume that competitive advantage lies not in finding leaders in a
broad talent pool that everyone else can draw from but in creating a proprietary
talent pool through judicious developmental practices."

The Top 10 CLIENT THOUGHT DISTORTIONS

Category: Coaching Tools and Skills (CG13)

Originally Submitted on 12/1/2000.

A Master Coach is really able to listen deeply to clients and does

provide nurturing feedback on their thinking and behavior that is out
of alignment with their goals. The Master Coach is able to perceive
how a client's pattern of thinking and actions are self-defeating and
is blocking personal growth. When a Master Coach detects a client's
distorted thinking pattern, he/she is able to point this out; and get
the client to modify their negative thoughts to more positive, realistics ones.
If we are to become Master Coaches, we need to increase our awareness
of our client's negative thought patterns. To help us to do this,
Dr. David Burns describes 10 fundamental thought distortions that
significantly interfere with personal growth and goal achievement.
Here they are:

1. ALL-OR-NOTHING THINKING: A client looks at things in absolute, black

and white categories.

2. OVERGENERALIZATION: The client view's a negative event as a never-

ending pattern of defeat.

3. MENTAL FILTER: The client dwells on the negative and ignores the
positive.

4. DISCOUNTING THE POSITIVE: The client insists that his accomplisments

or positive qualities don't count.
 42

5. JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS: The client concludes that things will turn out
badly with out any definite evidence. (A) mind-reading---the client assumes that people
are reacting negatively to him/her. (B) fortune-
telling---The client predicts that things will turn out badly.

6. MAGNIFICATION OR MINIMIZATION: The client blows things way out of

proportion or shrinks their importance.

7. EMOTONAL REASONING: The client reasons from how he/she feels. "I feel
like an idiot, so I really must be one." Or "I don't feel like doing this, so I'll put it off."

8. "SHOULD" STATEMENTS: The client criticizes himself or other people

with "should" or "shouldn'ts," "musts," "oughts," and "have-tos."

9. LABELING: The client identify's with his/her shortcomings. Instead of saying, "I
made a mistake," the client says, "I am a jerk" or " a loser."

10. PERSONALIZATION AND BLAME: The client blames himself for something
he wasn't entirely responsible for, or he blames other people and
overlooks ways that he contributed to the problem.

The Power of Listening

by Tony Alessandra, Ph.D., CSP, CPAE
More Information About the Author: Click Here for the Tony Alessandra, Ph.D., CSP, CPAE
Home Page

Listening -- we do it constantly. So why read an article to learn what we already know how to do?
Listening is natural!

Or...is it? Ineffective listening is one of the most frequent causes of:

o misunderstandings
o mistakes
o lower employee productivity and morale
o missed sales
o lost customers
o billions of dollars of increased costs and lost profits
o increased employee turnover

Ineffective listening is also acknowledged to be one of the primary contributors to divorce and to the
inability of a parent and child to openly communicate.

And, people view poor listeners as self-centered, disinterested, preoccupied, and social boors!

If all of these negatives result from ineffective listening, why don't we listen effectively?

1. Hard Work
 43

Listening is more than just keeping quiet. An active listener registers increased blood pressure, a higher
pulse rate, and more perspiration. It means concentrating on the other person rather than on ourselves.

2. Information Overload

In today's society there is enormous competition for our attention from advertisements, radio, TV,
movies, reading material, and more. With all these incoming stimuli, we have learned to screen out that
information that we deem irrelevant. Sometimes we also screen out things that are important to us.

3. Rush to Action

We think we know what the person is going to say, so we jump in and interrupt, rather than taking the
necessary time to listen and hear the person out.

4. Speed Difference

There is a considerable difference between speech speed and thought speed. The average person
speaks at about 135 to 175 words a minute, but can listen to 400 to 500 words a minute. So, the poor
listener spends all that time between the speed with which he listens and the speed with which he talks,
on daydreams ... or on thoughts of what he is going to say next... or in mentally arguing with the
person speaking. It's like listening to two voices at the same time.

5. Lack of Training

We do more listening than speaking, reading, or writing, yet we receive almost no formal education in
listening. Remarkably, the average student gets less than one half year of listening education through
her first 12 years of schooling!

Although many people assume they are good listeners, few actually are. The average employee spends
about three-quarters of each working day in verbal communications. Nearly half of that is spent on
listening. Incredibly, the average employee's listening effectiveness is only 25%. Today, more and more
companies are discovering that one bad listener within the managerial ranks can cause much more
damage than a number of good listeners can correct.

The normal, untrained listener is likely to understand and retain only about 50% of a conversation, and
this relatively poor percentage drops to an even less impressive 25% retention rate 48 hours later. This
means that recall of a particular conversation that took place more than a couple of days ago will
always be incomplete and usually inaccurate. No wonder people can seldom agree about was discussed!

Listening well -- listening actively -- is obviously important, but how does it really benefit you?

Active listening:

o 1. Improves the environment at work, at home, and in sales.

o 2. Reduces relationship tensions and hostilities.
o 3. Saves rime by reducing mistakes and misunderstandings.
o 4. Reduces employee turnover.
o 5. Leads to early problem solving.
o 6. Increases sales and profits.

With all of these benefits, I'm sure you agree that listening is more than just a natural behavior and that
it requires some work to improve. But, what's the secret to improving your listening skills?

To listen effectively, you must C A R E S S those you're listening to:

-C- Concentrate -- focus your attention on the speaker and only on the speaker. This means eliminating
or ignoring internal distractions (your own thoughts) and environmental disruptions (noise, passersby,
telephone, etc.). If possible, the best tactic is to create a receptive, distraction-free environment for the
conversation.

-A- Acknowledge -- acknowledge your speaker by demonstrating your interest and attention. This
should be done both verbally and non-verbally. For example, it's important to let the person know
 44

you're listening by saying, "Uh-huh," "I see," and so on. At the same time, be sure to give nonverbal
feedback, such as nodding your head, using good eye contact and slightly leaning toward the speaker.

-R- Research -- gather information about your speaker through the skillful use of questions and
statements. You need an inquiring mind to keep the conversation going so it's a dialogue, not a
monologue. Play off the theme of the speaker's message. Ask questions that increase your
understanding and draw the speaker out. Start with broad, open-ended questions, then follow with
specific, closed-ended questions as the conversation progresses. Follow each topic of conversation to its
logical conclusion. Use questions to expand the discussion, clarify unclear points, or redirect the
conversation to another topic area. Give verbal feedback that you understand what is being said and
felt.

-E- Emotional Control -- exercising emotional control means dealing successfully with highly charged
subjects or sensitive words and statements in a manner that allows you to remain focused on the theme
of the speaker's message. To exercise emotional control, it helps to be aware of your sensitivities, which
include disinterest in the subject under discussion, emotionally charged words, bad grammar, a limited
vocabulary, or topics such as religion and politics. You might also be overly sensitive to the speaker's
poor posture, unkempt appearance or accent. Being aware of sensitive areas helps you control, or
preferably eliminate, your emotional reactions, allowing you to concentrate on the speakers message.

-S- Sensing -- keep your eyes and ears open to the vocal and visual messages, in addition to the verbal
message. Be an astute observer of body language -- hands, facial expressions, and body postures -- to
notice departures from the "norm" for that person. In addition, listen for emotions conveyed in the
speaker's vocal qualities -- speed, volume, pitch, rhythm, inflection and clarity. Taken together, your
vocal and visual observations will help you determine the speaker's emotional state and intent, as well
as the speaker's content.

-S- Structure -- structuring is listening primarily to the verbal component -- the content -- of someone's
message. The structuring process revolves around three primary activities -- indexing, sequencing, and
comparing. Indexing refers to taking mental or written notes of the topic or major idea; the key points
being discussed; and the reasons, sub-points, and/or supporting points.

Sequencing is listening for order or priority. Sometimes someone tells you something in which the order
is very important, or you are given instructions or directions where the order is crucial. Comparing is
concentrating on the points that the speaker is making so that you can discriminate between fact and
theory, positive and negative, actual and projected, advantages and disadvantages. As you listen,
you're involved in a continual process of comparing ideas, options, attitudes, facts, feelings and beliefs.
You need to keep track of the speaker's message.

Although the six skills are all relatively simple to learn, implementing them may be a more difficult task,
because to do so means breaking through a barrier of poor listening habits that most of us have
developed over a lifetime.

The payoff for improving your listening skills and becoming an active listener is obviously enormous.
The benefits are yours simply for the -- listening!

Copyright 1995

The Top 10 Coaching Skills

Category: Coaching Tools and Skills (CG55)

Originally Submitted on 1/29/2002.

1. Listen
 45

Listening to your client - and to everyone you meet - is the key skill in coaching. Think of the last time
you were really listened to. How did it feel? What did you think of the person listening to you?
This skill will attract clients to you and keep them working with you. Most of the time you spend in
contact with you clients and prospective clients should be spent with you being quiet! You give them
the space to be listened to. That is one of the roles of a coach.
Practice keeping silent. Have something that reminds you of this in front of you when you coach.
Listen to the pauses, tones, textures, expressions, sighs and silences. Listen to the words and what is
behind them. Listen right down into your bones. Be there fully, be present and hear.
This creates a safe and supportive environment where your client will grow. Listen for those 'aha'
moments and notice when they show up.
If this is all you do you will be half way to being a coach, and a good one at that.
Listen with your whole self and keep your energy in the present moment. This approach gives your
client plenty of space and a sense of permission to speak fully and completely. Listening creates
room for safe feelings and honest talk. The client that feels heard will be the client that shares more,
and therefore is allowed the opportunity to hear themselves talk out loud, unobstructed (which may
be all they need) to circle themselves back to solutions and discovery.
Use the 80/20 rule here - you listen for 80% of the time and talk for 20% and your clients will come
up with solutions and answers for themselves.

2. Reflect Back and Explore

Many people are caught where they are right now because they can't "see the wood for the trees".
One of the jobs of a coach is to tell the client what they are hearing and to find what it is about for
the client.
"Let me tell you what I am hearing……is that right?"
"You said x…..tell me more about that?
That simple skill may be the thing that gets the client moving, or allows the client to see the truth, or
gives them permission to admit something that they hadn't to anyone before, or even that they
hadn't known before.

3. Acknowledge

"Acknowledge" is really a pseudonym for the support you give a client. ALWAYS hold your client as
right. Never make your client wrong. You can and must save them from disastrous action if they are
scooting off down the wrong track for them, but you may be the only person they speak to this week
who does tells them that they are right, whatever it is that they have done.
Say "That sounds like a very tricky situation and what you are describing sounds like you did the best
you could."
"You have achieved so much in your life. How does this incident fit in the bigger picture?"
Think how you have felt when you have told someone something tentatively, and they have given
you their wholehearted support. This is a feeling you can give to your client every time they speak to
you - and in their moments of reflection in between.

4. Ask questions

Just ask! It is easy - be curious, supportive, qualifying, and use language that reflects what you clients
have said. Say that is what you are doing.
"I'm curious - when you said x, did you mean x or did you mean y"
 46

"I want to support you in this, but how does this fit with you goal of y?"
"Let's clarify this, what does 'successful' mean to you?"
Have a tool kit with questions in it to fortify you when you are stuck - remember a coach doesn't
have the answers, he or she draws them out, by asking questions.
Free yourself from the responsibility of finding the solutions for your clients, (see get out of your
own way below) and do what you are supposed to do - help them find their own. This way they will
be far more likely to carry out the action they commit to. Moreover, the relationship will stay a very
positive adult one where the responsibility and strength of the clients is nurtured.

If you get stuck say "What would be a great question to ask you right now?"

5. Encourage learning and reflection

One of my first "aha" moments when I was being coached was in the second call I had with my
coach. She had asked me what I had done following on from our first call and I had given full
feedback on my actions. Then she said:
"What did you learn from that?"
Wow! I hadn't thought of that before, and the power of that question knocked me backwards. As
coaches, we can forget the power of simple questions. Use this one or forms of it frequently.
"What did you learn about yourself/about how you learn/about what works for you etc?
Use it for you to learn about the client as well as for them to learn about themselves.
A supporting tool is to encourage the client to reflect on what they have learned or are learning at
specified moments in the coming days. Asking them to set aside quiet time to reflect on things can
give them clarity and certainty about the most perplexing of things.

6. Encourage Action

Prompting your client to commit to action powerfully encourages them to have the courage of their
convictions! Their list of 'to dos' become 'todays"! Work with them to commit to times to complete
actions, to find the resources they need to complete them, and to have in place an accountability
system that works for them. Say
· "When will you do that?" "Let's put that in your diary."
· "What choice do you want to make to make this real?"
· "What action can you take now to make this a reality?"
· "What is possible now?"

7. Support and challenge

There are at least two aspects to this:

§ One of your roles as a coach is to make sure that the client keeps moving forward - not just in
action but in the stretch that they allow themselves. The fact they keep showing up for coaching
means that they are keen to achieve stuff and develop. You role is to support them in this and
challenge them to keep up with their own dream. Use
· "What is the dream here?"
· "What do you really want?"
· "If money/time etc wasn't an issue, what would you do?"
§ Another role is to make sure they are being honest with themselves. Remind them of the
commitments they have made and what they believe in.
 47

· "How does this fit with your value of…..?"

· "What does this say about you?"

8. Share hunches

When you are listening really closely, you might suddenly 'hear' something that seems very very
clear to you, but that the client hasn't noticed yet. Use this! Use your intuition and blurt.
Say "I'm going to blurt this because my intuition tells me that……"

9. Build an adult relationship

Coaching is a two way street. You are only half of it. It is important to discuss early in the relationship
with your client what he or she expects of you and of the coaching relationship and that he knows
what the role is that you will fulfil.
Say early that the client has the role of saying if there is anything about the relationship that they do
not or do particularly like. This will allow the relationship to stay a strong, positive one where the
client keeps growing.
Build in regular review times to check out what is happening.

10. Get out of the way!

There are two key aspects which are essential for any coach, whatever their level of expertise or
experience:
1. As a coach your role is to support and challenge your clients, to expect their best and encourage
effective action. But, you cannot do it for them! Get out of your own way. Listen to what is
happening now, and be detached from the outcome - that is get out of the way of your clients
results. They are theirs to choose and to have. This shows the trust you have in your clients strengths
and ability to make choices for themselves. They are completely capable of this and as a coach you
must show this to them.
2. Get your needs met, and problems solved outside of the coaching relationship. You are there for
you client, and by doing this you can show up and be with them 100% with the least of effort!

The Top 10 Intake Questions For The New Client

Category: Coaching Tools and Skills (CG20)

Originally Submitted on 9/12/97.

Have you wondered what questions you might ask of a new client to get acquainted before the first
coaching session? Wonder no more! Take a look at these questions that you can ask of the new
client or have them write answers and return them to you before the first session.

1. What is it that you enjoy doing so much that it gives you energy?

2. What are your expectations of me as your coach?

3. How would you like me to bring value to each coaching session?

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4. Would you like to give me a status update on what you've accomplished each week,
feel concerned about and what you'd like to discuss during the session via e-mail or fax
before the coaching session?

5. Would you like to send or receive e-mails from me between coaching sessions?

6. Would you like assignments /challenges to do in between sessions or would you rather
define what we're going to do for each session during the session?

7. How do you feel about working on things that will improve your self-esteem and self-
growth?

8. What is your life long dream that's worth living, and starting now?

9. What would you like to accomplish in the next year?

10. What are 2-5 short-term goals you'd like to accomplish in the next 3 months?

The Top 10 Most Important Things That A Coach Can Help a Client To Do

Category: Coaching Tools and Skills (CG9)

Originally Submitted on 11/18/96.

There are many things that a coach and client can work on. This list below contains those that *I*
would work on with a client.

1. Greatly Simplify Their Life

This means to reduce the number of roles, commitments, goals, projects and obligations, thus
reducing stress of all types. It's not easy to simplify, and a coach who gone through this process is
the perfect partner. Start with the Clean Sweep Program and progress to the TimePeace Program
and keep simplifying from there. When you've simplified what you already have, you'll have the
room (and RAM) to both enjoy life and people TODAY, but also to get to know yourself better.

2. Think Differently and Bigger

Over the years, we've all collected a series of assumptions, beliefs, expectations, morals and
opinions about how life works/should work, who we are/should be, how to choose/make decisions,
etc. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), we've outgrown many of these truths and formulas, but
don't know that we have, or don't better ones to replace the old ones. So we grow in circles, making
only incremental progress. This is common. Usually, it takes an external event or a change agent like
a coach, to offer fresh concepts and suggestions that cause us to shift, leap, change, alter paradigms
and purge some of the old stuff. This is essential to do because we humans needs to keep up with
the most current thinking and approaches to life if success is to find us. It's hard to find gold with a
shovel these days; more advanced tools are required.
 49

3. Acquire Far More Than Is Needed

This is crucial, because humans ARE animals and subject to the same instinctual reactions and fears
and physical limitations. Your clients' lives will NOT the be same when they have deliberately
added/substantially increased their time, money, skills, energy and community. And, as personal
needs get satisfied/met, people become far more effective and can grow intellectually, spiritually
and emotionally at a far faster rate, without stress. The Personal Foundation/Reserve Index is the
program to use with clients in this area.

4. Become Web Savvy

The Web isn't just an interesting electronic tool anymore than a book is an interesting stack of
paper. The Web, just like the telephone was, is a unifying force among those smart enough to
connect. If you think the Berlin Wall was a big divider, then you'll understand that the Web will
separate the haves from the have nots, within 10 years. It's THAT significant. Don't let your clients be
shut out.

5. Become a Fabulous Communicator

Communication (between people, networks, systems, computer chips) has made possible much of
progress of the past century. The telegraph, telephone, television, fax, email and the Internet are the
newer electronic tools of communication. Unfortunately, the human tools of communication
(listening, vocabulary/articulation, awareness/sensitivity, relatedness) have not kept up (at all!). Can
you image a world where humans communicate as well as machines/systems do? Awesome. Enter
the coach -- a communication specialist. You can help your clients with their languaging, phrasing,
and the other humans tools of communication so that they become FAR more effective and able to
financially/personally benefit from both the electronic and human tools of communication. It's as
simple as this: The better you communicate, the more money you'll make. Communication skills
training is a highly profitable investment and an under leveraged skill set.

6. Become Very, Very Sensitized

This is an interesting one. A case could be made that most humans are fairly numb (aka not-
sensitized) due to conditioning, addictions, the rearing process, lack of awareness, survival-based
goals/lifestyles, emotional damage, overwhelm, etc. Hey, it happens! When you ARE sensitized, you
pick up on things/changes quickly, respond immediately to problems and opportunities,
solutions/innovative ideas occur to you often and you're able to benefit from all 5 (well, 6) of your
senses. A coach can help to sensitize a client in many ways: The Personal Foundation
Program/process, discussing the notion of becoming sensitized, setting goals in this area and getting
on/advancing on a spiritual path. There are few professions, if any, other than coaching, which offer
this unique, healthy and sustainable approach to success and personal development.

7. Become Highly, Highly Effective

A highly effective person is someone who gets the smart thing done in hours, not months. And a
"magically" effective person can get the same thing done in seconds. Is effectiveness at this level a
worthwhile focus for a client? Of course. Why? Because time is money and the less time it takes to
produce the right outcome, the more money is made/saved. Do clients often come to a coach and
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say, "I'd like to become magically effective?" No, they don't. But imagine what would happen over
the client's life if YOU made that a focus of their coaching. Talk about an investment of time/money
that keeps on rewarding the client!

8. Become Very Selfish

Yes, I really do mean selfish, but not in the take-take-take or needy-needy way. When your client
understands that their being truly selfish (doing what they most want to do just because they want
to, etc.) is good, they'll be on their way to REALLY making a contribution. It's my view that service,
adding value and altruism/contribution occur as a RESULT of the 'giver' being highly selfish. This is
not a common view, but when I see all of the people 'giving selflessly' out there -- and how their
giving is either an extension of their ego, a power trip, a way to get needs met or some other psych-
dynamic, I start believing more in the selfish-as-a-gift theory.

9. Become THAT GOOD At Something

There are many, many competent professionals. There are many incompetent professionals. And
there are even a good number of experts. The trick is to encourage your clients to become THAT
GOOD at something. One of the best ways to become THAT GOOD is to specialize or adapt what is
already known to serve a new or narrow market. I also say that, when the other 9 areas of this list
are being worked on, your client will become THAT GOOD at something far sooner, thanks to your
coaching. One of the tricks to becoming THAT GOOD at something involves being yourself,
trusting/investing in your intuition, being around creative people and a heck of a lot of
experimenting. If a person's life is to busy/full, their needs aren't met, etc., they won't be able to
devote the energy/time that it takes to become THAT GOOD at something. You may want to
discuss/create a vision with them -- this often gets the client thinking beyond themselves/reality and
catalyzes creativity.

10. Understand Themselves and Life

We humans are amazing creatures and we are JUST beginning to understand how we work, how
genes/memes affect our thinking/behavior and how we can retain our humanness, yet still use the
many electronic tools of our age. Distinctions, advanced phrasing, attainments and awareness are all
available to help us understand and make the most of who we are and what we have. Very few
clients have had a class called Humans 101; you can provide this -- it may be a client's missing link to
success. When you know yourself, everything else makes sense.

The Top 10 Questions a coach could benefit from asking themselves

Category: Coaching Tools and Skills (CG38)

Originally Submitted on 7/15/2001.

Ask yourself these questions and your coaching will never be the same again. You will know yourself
and your style, your power and your strength. You will know where you limit yourself and where you
limit your clients.
The challenge to you is to come to it from the place of accepting your greatness, passion AND your
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freedom from perfection, your humanity, your learning and growth.

The world will only see you as you truly are, when you've first seen yourself fully! Time to claim your
magnificence.
You will need commitment to discovering and growing as a coach...as the gift to the world you are!

1. What do you know, specifically, about the impact of your coaching on your clients?

2. What do they see in your coaching that they want more of in their lives. Again, trust
your own intuition here. YOU KNOW!

3. How do you inspire your clients?

4. What is it about you that is special - that gives you the edge

5. Where do you 'hold back' in your coaching?

6. What gets in the way when you coach?

7. Where's the 'edge' for you...where's is it exciting/scary to think of going in coaching?

8. Who are the clients you love to work with...whats in the connection (your
values..something else?) that shows you who you are as coach? (Who are you turned off
by...?)

9. Who are the clients that are attracted to you - is this the same group of people? Why
are clients attracted to working with you? You intuitively know lots about this!

10. If you could do anything as a coach what would it be?

The Top 10 Questions on Our Reluctance to Change (Refusal of the Call)

Category: Coaching Tools and Skills (CG28)

Originally Submitted on 2/27/2001.

The Hero's Journey is another way of viewing a rite of passage or personal development:
adolescence, first career, sobriety, parenthood, retirement, self-peace, etc. The Refusal of the Call is
the third stage of this Hero's Journey.Our hero has a reluctance to change. The hero feels she has a
lot to risk if she answers the calls and many people around the hero will also remind her of this as it
affects them too. The answers are not simple for the hero. It may be that persistently refusing the
call to change could end in crisis. It could be that answering the call would finalize other options
forever. By answering the call, the hero might just be making the best decision of her life.How did
you handle this stage in your past journeys? How do you want to handle it in the future? Here are
some questions to enlighten and inspire.

1. Do you quickly answer the call to change?

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2. Do you take time to evaluate where you are, where you want to go, and whether you
want to accept the call?

3. What holds you back from answering the call? Why do you let it?

4. What fears need to be faced before you can say yes to the call?

5. How does self-worth play a part in your ability to answer the call?

6. When might it be a good idea to refuse a call temporarily?

7. When might it be good to refuse a call altogether?

8. Have you ever answered a call unknowingly?

9. How does the world around you tempt you to say no to the call?

10. What motivates you to finally say yes?

The Top 10 Questions to get a Client focused on his/her goals

Category: Coaching Tools and Skills (CG1)

Originally Submitted on 4/28/99.

1. What would you like to sample in your life?

2. Right now, what do you really want? (make it Big and light)

3. What would you give yourself permission to do right now?

4. You've come to coaching... What is that "one thing" that will say "Bingo" to you as a
result of receiving coaching?

5. What would you like to be remembered for ... your legacy?

6. What was the one thing as a young child that you loved doing the most?

7. What are your enthusiasms?

8. If time and money did not matter, Where would you be and What would you be doing
and Who would be with you (person or people)?

9. If you woke up tomorrow and life was perfect, what would it be like?

10. Listen to each different area of your life and let me know which of these areas
"don't" put a smile on your face? -- career/business, relationships with family/others,
relationship with yourself, money, recreation/play
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The Top 10 Reasons for Client Procrastination

Category: Coaching Tools and Skills (CG17)

Originally Submitted on 12/2/2000.

A common problem that all coaches encounter with their clients is the
self-defeating attitude of procrastination. If we are to help them to shift out of this, we need a better
understanding of the causes of procrastination. Dr. David D. Burns, in his book FEELING GOOD, provi-
des multiple reasons why individuals take a "do-nothing" attitude when
it comes to taking action to achieve goals.

1. THE CLIENT FEELS OVERWHELMED.

The client assumes that he/she must do everything at once instead of

breaking the goal into smaller and manageable steps; and, then achieving the goal in a step-by-step
process.

2. THE CLIENT JUMPS TO CONCLUSIONS.

The client has difficulty taking effective action because he/she believes "I can't do this" or "I should
but it probably won't work
out for me."

3. THE CLIENT IS A PERFECTIONIST.

The client expects to be perfect in the excution of the project or

goal, and as a result, takes no effective action towards the goal.

4. THE CLIENT HAS A FEAR OF FAILURE.

The client believes that carrying out the goal may not lead to being
successful, therefore, refuses to take any action.

5. THE CLIENT HAS A FEAR OF SUCCESS.

The client doesn't fully believe in him/her self, and, as a result,

doesn't believe he/she could keep up the pace that success would
require. The client expects to experience disappointment and rejection in the future. Therefore,
he/she avoids any commitment
to taking action towards a goal.

6. THE CLIENT UNDERVALUES THE REWARDS.

The client simply believes the rewards are simply not worth the effort
of working towards a goal; and, the client finds ways to minimize and
discount his/her own efforts.
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7. THE CLIENT EXPERIENCES LOW FRUSTRATION TOLERANCES.

The client assumes he/she should be able to reach goals easily and
rapidly without any obstacles along with miminum frustrations.
Some clients may feel "entitled" to success and approval without the
neccessary work and action required to be successful.

8. THE CLIENT LABELS HIM/HER SELF AS A PROCRASTINATOR.

The client identifies with the label of being a procrastinator and

believes it is true. Therefore, it becomes a self-fulfilling
phofecy whereby the clients takes no positive action, which reinforces the procrastinator's belief.

9. THE CLIENT HAS A FEAR OF DISAPPOVAL.

The client believes that if he/she made a mistake in his/her

performance others would disapprove or criticize the client.
As a result, the client is hesitant to take any action towards
his goal.

10. THE CLIENT EXPERIRNCES COERCION AND RESENTMENT.

The client believer that something should be done about his/her situation and feels resentful and
frustrated about it. The specific goal becomes surrounded with negative feelings; and, as a result,
the client finds that taking actions towards the goal to be intolerable. He/she ends up avoiding the
situation.

What Do Coaches Do?

by Dwayne Cox

People ask me all the time, "What do coaches do?"

While I am not sure about what all coaches do, here is a list of a few things I do with
my clients.

1. use highly developed communication, relationship and intuition skills to help

you set and achieve BIG goals
2. partner with you to convert your vision and your ideas into reality
3. bring out the best in you and yours
4. challenge you to stretch beyond what you think is possible, "widening your
gap" between where you are and where you can be
5. partner with you to build a bridge to your (new)(stretch) goals
6. map out a strategic plan for your business
7. map out a strategic plan for your life
8. work with you to "get over yourself"
9. help you create new patterns for yourself, new ways of being
10. invent new possibilities for yourself and your life
11. stop you from getting stopped by habits that do not serve you
12. help you "Play a Bigger Game"
13. work with you to generate more energy
 55

14. work with you to generate more enthusiasm

15. work with you to sustain your enthusiasm
16. partner with you around your learning
17. partner with you to encourage your creativity
18. get you to think in terms of transformation versus change
19. work with you on your focus
20. partner with you to increase your revenue
21. partner with you to increase your "value add"
22. assist you in eliminating tolerations
23. partner with you in obliterating barriers to success
24. partner with you in building a Support Team
25. partner with you in creating an Environment that supports you in what you are
up to
26. cause you to think about the best use of your time every moment
27. model what is possible for you
28. share distinctions with you that make a difference
29. LISTEN
30. ask provocative questions you are not asking yourself
31. provide you with tools to enable you to accomplish more
32. provide you with language to enable you to accomplish more
33. provide you with competencies that enable you to accomplish more
34. provide you with practices that enable you to accomplish more
35. provide you with the structure that gets you to accomplish more
36. work with you to increase your social competence and interpersonal
effectiveness
37. act as a sounding board/mirror
38. inspire you and champion your endeavors
39. build your confidence
40. provide candid feedback that makes a difference
41. elicit internal commitment, motivation and self-directed learning
42. facilitate renewal and resilience
43. model what S T R E T C H I N G looks like
44. develop myself extensively so I can be MORE for Everyone
45. focus on solution
46. lead by example
47. get my clients to learn to say YES!!
48. get my clients to learn to say NO!

49. catalyze miracles

50. raise your standards

51. change your strategy
52. help you hold yourself accountable
53. use highly developed communication, relationship, and intuition skills to help
you set and achieve goals or convert ideas to reality

Please feel free to share this list with anyone you care about, and know that I'd love to hear
YOUR ideas about what coaches do.
About the author:
Dwayne Cox is the Program Manager and Business Coach
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THE 7.5 REASONS COACHES FAIL

Hello and welcome,

“The 7.5 biggest reasons Coaches Fail”

And – how YOU can avoid them – now!

As you read through these 7.5 BIG REASONS – and the solutions to the problems they create
- you’ll immediately be in a position to make more money – more easily – more often.

In fact:

It’s the lack of knowledge of these mistakes that costs Coaches loss of income.

These 7.5 BIG reasons are why 90% of Coaches are failing right now.

You’re about to discover exactly what the 7.5 reasons are... and you’ll also find out how
your business can avoid them.

So here we go, in no specific order...

Reason # 1
90% of Coaches fail because they do not have a specific NICHE. There are literally
HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of coaches world wide. Do you think that when you tell
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someone that you are a Life Coach that they know exacly what you are doing? Coaches are
afraid that they might lose customers when someone wants to come to them for something
else and therefore market themselves as Life Coaches and then at the same time try to
please everyone. The bottom line is that too many coaches are the same.

By choosing one niche you can become an expert in the field and you will find that people
will come to you for your expertise. You need to stand out from the competition, you’ve got
to make yourself unique and be seen as someone different.
To find a good niche you need to provide a specific service or solve a specific problem. SO,
my question to you is, are you a Business Coach, a Health Coach, a Talent Coach, a
Relationship Coach, or a Youth Coach???

WHAT ARE YOU? If you DON’T have a niche, your coaching business will be the same as all
the others, and YOU will be the one responsible for not succeeding.

TIP: Once you’ve identified a specific service or problem, you can then make your niche
even more specific by delivering that service to a specific group of people. For example
Weight Loss Coach for women, Business coaching for NLPers, Executive Coach for sales
profesionals, Relationship coaching for couples, Health and Fitness coaching for men - you
get the picture.

Reason # 2
You are just one of the hundreds of thousands of coaches out in the world trying to make a
living. You are not an EXPERT! You need to become an expert in your field or niche. The way
you can do that is for other people to see you as an expert in your niche.

The quickest and easiest way to do this is to become an author.

Think about how you would feel when looking at someone that is a coach, without
authoring anything compared to how you would feel about a coach who is an author –
exactly! By becoming an author will certainly give you expert status.
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TIP: There are many ways for you to become an author. You can create online internet
books, create a report like this one or just have a newsletter that you can send out to your
customers.
Reason # 3
As with many or just about all coaches you might have gone through a coaching program
but as you know yourself, coaching programs do not show you how to build a successful
practice or more and how to charge for your services. You need to learn the business part of
the industry to ensure that you are one of those who are more successful than 90% of
others who try.

Why do you think 90% of coaches make less than $1500.00 a month coaching? Is it not
because too many of them do not go out looking to find clients or just do not know how to
find clients? What are they doing then? They are too busy taking more courses, spending
more money to become better coaches or networking with other coaches to try and
become more PERFECT.

They fail to get started because they have this underlying desire to be perfect. This
perfectionist attitude can stop you from starting anything if you don't think you can do it
flawlessly.
The fact is that if you want to get better at coaching you have to coach a lot. That means
that you start now and gather some coaching clients. No, you will not be perfect and yes,
you will make some mistakes but that is how we learn and improve our skills.
TIP: I can guarantee that your skills as a coach will not increase until you begin coaching lots
of clients.
Reason # 4
One trap that many coaches fall into is that they believe they do not have the skils to do
something perfectly therefore they believe one must take
more classes and learn more before beginning and setting up a coaching business.
They want to first set up their website, first get their business cards ready, first have a blog,
etc... Wrong! The best way to learn is to practice coaching while getting information. You
can get better at coaching by taking courses and I highly suggest it but you can also get in a
rut of taking courses and never do the coaching.
 59

The trap coaches have in doing this, especialy those coaches that start out in the business as
a new career, is an underlying committment of FEAR of failure.

TIP: Get yourself a coach. As you teach your clients the importance to achieve their goals
and to be accountable for their actions so it is just as important for you to have someone to
be accountable to.
Reason # 5
Let me tell you what happened to me just the other day. I had a conversation with a
computer software salesman and told him what I do for a living. The salesman told me that
his company has a good relationship with a Success Coach who offers the sales people
coaching sessions at $350.00 per month for a 3 month period to help those who want to
benefit from his coaching to take them to the next level in achieving their goal to better
sales. He then asks me “What is your fee?” I told him that mine is at least double that. His
answer to me was “Wow, you must be excellent then!”

Many coaches simply DON’T CHARGE ENOUGH. How are people going to see you as an
expert if you’re charging $50 an hour?

Those 10% of coaches that are successful and earn in excess of a six figure income are those
who offer a high-end product or service.

So you want to make sure you have a premium product or service. BUT... It’s not necessarily
as simple as pushing your prices up. You also might need to change your business model.

HERE IS AN EXAMPLE - You see, if all you offer is coaching, and then you have a very limited
business model because there is no “back-end” (meaning there is nothing to offer after the
coaching.) So the best way to sell coaching is to first offer some lowpriced items such as
eBooks, CDs or subscriptions to online newsletters. Then the next step might be that you
may choose to offer a seminar. Only then, when people have purchased from you a number
of times or attended one or more of your seminars should you offer your private coaching at
premium prices. If you have this model, people are much happier to pay you more for your
coaching.

TIP: People do not believe in cheap advice. If your fees are too cheap people will not believe
you.
Reason # 6
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H. Jackson Brown once said: "Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the
same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michelangelo,
Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson and Albert Einstein."
One of the reasons coaches suffer is because they do not have enough TIME. Why do you
think that is? The reason is that they are personally responsible for all they do in their
business – marketing, finding new clients, networking and all that involves in trying to earn a
decent income. In other words, if they are not working they are not earning an income.

To overcome this problem is to find a way to automate your business. You would need to
find a way to deliver value without having to give all of your time.
One of the best ways to do this is products. This report is a great example. I had to put the
time in to write it, but after that I don’t have to give another second in delivering it to you
and thousands of other people. You decided you wanted it, typed in your details, and it was
automatically sent to you. If you go to any of my other websites to purchase products of
mine, I don’t have to do anything. You decide to buy, pay online, and the product is shipped
out to you automatically. This is how you can manage to get much more done!

TIP: The other great way to “leverage” your time is to run seminars. To a degree, you’re still
exchanging your time for money, but it’s a smaller amount of time for a larger amount of
money! And you’re helping lots more people than you ever could by coaching one-on-one,
and isn’t that the whole point of being a coach - helping people?
Reason # 7
Of the hundreds and thousands of coaches that fail, you do not want to be one of them.
One of the biggest reasons for this is because they cannot get enough CLIENTS. This is not
the only problem, it is a lack of qualified leads/clients. How can they find enough people
that are interested in what they do?

You need to find a way that can bring you clients automatically or without spending 80% of
your day finding and looking for clients. So what do you do... create an automated lead
generation system?
This report of mine is exactly that. You found it because you were either browsing on the
internet, or someone recommended it to you. I didn’t have to do anything to get it to you,
so it’s automated! And I now have your details, so (with your permission) I can send you
more of my
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material in the form of newsletters and keep you informed about my products and
seminars, which hopefully you’ll be interested in. In that sense you are a qualified “lead” for
my business, since you’re clearly interested in what I have to offer.

TIP: I strongly encourage you to create your own automatic lead generation system.
Without it you’ll always be feeding on scraps like so many coaches out there, who sooner or
later will be one of the 90% of coaches who do not make it in this business.
Reason # 7.5
Not taking ACTION! That is it. So many coaches know all the right things they need to do to
get their business going and have all the right tools in place but they are not taking ACTION!
They even know everything I shared with you in this report, they know their NICHE, they
know what to do to become an EXPERT and even know how to do it, they know that they do
not have to be PERFECT, they know what they are AFRAID of, they know that they do not
CHARGE ENOUGH for their services, they know how to manage their TIME to become more
productive and even know what to do and how to get more CLIENTS.
"YOU CAN STUDY THE MAP FOR YEARS TO ACHIEVE YOUR DESIRES, GOALS AND DREAMS,
BUT YOU WILL NOT GET ONE STEP CLOSER UNTIL YOU START MOVING!"

TIP: When clients tell me that they have a problem to get up in the morning to go for a run
all I ask them to do the next morning is NOT to go for that run, don’t even think of going for
that run, just get out of bed and put on their running shoes and do NOTHING else. You know
what happens next? They go for that run! Sometimes it is just that first small action step
that needs to be taken to move you forward to that bigger action step.
I dare you NOT to take action, I dare you NOT to go for that run and just put on your running
shoes, I dare you NOT to follow the steps in this report!

A COACHING PERSPECTIVE: REINFORCING INTERNAL

LOCUS OF CONTROL

Coaching is about ”unlocking a person’s potential to maximize their own performance”, Sir
John Whitmore stated more than two decades ago, but who does control the.. key?! All
professional regulations of this so effectiv profession stipulate that the coach assists and
support the client – listen, asks questions, give feedforward, challenge, empower – but never
ever controls.. the lock’s key. Coaching is not a magic process, it is a learning process. The
key did not twist by voodoo. Coaching itself is a twist between a present state to a desired
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one. It is the client who twist the key. Coaching is learning about your potential - unleashing
talents, and is also learning about reality - exploring options, and is learning about being in
control: make the step from will to act. It is not easy to do that, and this fact is more obvious
when is about success – even in such situation there is a certain reluctance. How come? To
clarify this intriguing aspect, I use to put client the so called control questions: ”What don’t
you control? What are you trying to control? What you could control that you are not
controlling?”

Locus of control was first coined by Julian B. Rotter, in his work Social Learning and Clinical
Psychology, 1954, which integrated learning theory with personality theory. An articulate
definition belongs to Philip Zimbardo: “A locus of control orientation is a belief about whether
the outcomes of our actions are contingent on what we do (internal control orientation) or on
events outside our personal control (external control orientation)." It is not about two distinct
references, but about unidemensional continuum, spanning from internal – I believe that my
behavior is guided by my decisions, talents and efforts - to external – I believe that my
behavior is guided by the external conditions, by fate. How to use this insightful perspective
in coaching?

Locus is the Latin word for “place”, “location”. Control is the English – and some other
languages - word for.. control. It is a rarely used word in coaching body knowledge, and is
mostly used to point out what is not appropriate to do in a coaching relation, or how harmful
could be a controlling environment. In the very stem cell of a coaching approach – The Inner
Game – “control” is a feature of Self 1, the judgemental one, the one who embody all the
attempts the others tried to influence someone’s life, to prevent a person to fulfill her/his
potential. In the very spirit of locus of control definition, a close look where the client locates
control is helpful: working to raise awareness and choices in order to place it on a more
useful position on that continuum between internal and external, will reinforce trust and
commitment to follow the action plan she/he has chosen.

Following a classic GROW model, we can seize easily that neither extreme internal locus of
control, nor extreme external is appropriate to go further to the desired change: the client
could fail to accomplish an action plan thinking she/he has full control over something out of
his true reality, or she/he can’t observe what options are at hand, because of giving too
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much importance to external control. Some questions about where the client ‘’has control’’
are good to explore, to clarify and to set a realistic goal, to choose a workable option, to
design a valuable action plan, and to secure a true will. More than that, in many situations,
the very placement of the locus of control is the limiting belief which stops client to achieve
the desired outcome, as we can notice reading a pair of sentences which are part of the list
for measure where a person use to place control: In the long run people get the respect they
deserve in this world; Unfortunately, an individual's worth often passes unrecognized no
matter how hard he tries. It is obvious that the first phrase reflects a belief to welcome
growing. Few questions could steward the individual to challenge the second, to change it.
An effective self-reflection could be on her/his own curiosity.

During the career path, the placement of locus of control could have a significant influence
through the way individuals relate to responsibility, to courage, their potential, and to self-
actualization. Researches shown that men are more likely to be internal than women, also
the internal seems to be specific for people developing a higher career. Aristotle said you are
what you do more often, so we could say “we are what location we live in more often:
internal or external”. However, none of the extremes are good. Cherish internal locus too
much could be psychologically challenging if the individual is not equipped with the needed
competence and attention to opportunities, a realistic understanding of the world, otherwise
they could experience failure, not success. On the other hand, people with external locus
can lead relaxed, easy-going lives.Overall, having an internal locus of control is likely to be
more achievement oriented, get jobs better paid.

In Leonardo da Vinci drawings we could notice a lot of work on designing a workable wing,
but the body is in charge of.controlling the flight, and of.. seizing the useful wind.

The good news is that the placement of control can be learned. Especially at the beginning
of a career is good to practice being in control, to gain trust and guts. Control placement is a
habit – we ‘’locus’’ what we use to live in, but we could practice another placement.
Reinforcement of internal locus of control, paying attention to circumstances, and value
reality, is a valuable coaching approach. There is this nice line by R. W. Emerson: “When me
they fly, I am the wings”

Magda Bunea

(Alain Cardon)

 « Presque tout le monde dit : Je suis coach. C’est la tarte à la crème. »

 « Il y a tellement d’imposteurs qu'il faudrait protéger la profession par des lois. »
 « Plutôt qu'une certification pour devenir un bon coach, il faut surtout avoir une très
bonne expérience de vie. »
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 « Seuls les coachs validés par des associations internationales sont vraiment
compétents. »
 « Les associations internationales de coachs sont surtout anglo-saxonnes, et elles ne
cherchent qu'à contrôler le marché international. Il faut résister ».
 « Comment s’y retrouver au sein de cette jungle d’écoles de coachs ? »
 « C’est quoi le coaching ? Je ne comprends toujours pas. »

A la fois dans des milieux de coachs formellement reconnus et au sein d’un public plus large
moins initié ou averti, de nombreux commentaires alimentent un débat presque continu sur la
vraie nature du métier, voire sur son côté dénaturé.

 Avant de plonger dans le contenu de ces débats, il est déjà utile, en tant que coach, de
se poser des questions sur la forme de ces commentaires.

Nombreux sont les discours qui évoquent séparation, dissociation, exclusion. Il y aurait donc
des vrais coachs et des faux, des bons et des moins bons, des officiels et des officieux, des
engagés ou embrigadés et des indépendants ou individualistes, ceux qui ont une vraie posture
et les imposteurs, etc. Ce type de qualificatif différenciant est généralement tenu par des
personnes qui se situent du bon côté de leur barrière, et qui en excluent les autres. Il s’agit là
d’un discours identitaire reposant sur une démarche d’inclusion et d’exclusion. Certains
diront qu'il ne s'agit là que de positionnements de marketing. D'autres reconnaissent aussi
très bien que forme de langage est celui des politiques et religieux qui se positionnent en
excommuniant l’autre, qu’il soit jeune, vieux, chômeur, moins éduqué, impur, injuste,
décoloré, etc.

 Fondamentalement, la forme de ce type de discours divise et exclut. Il peut aller

jusqu'à tuer, nous en somme encore témoins. Ici, nous pourrions soutenir qu'il n’est
pas très coach.

Par conséquent au delà de leur contenu, une écoute de coach sur la forme même des
commentaires concernant le monde du coaching, son marché, ses écoles, les autres coachs,
etc. peut être assez édifiante. Nous pouvons souvent y percevoir des dynamiques
d’exclusion, des esprits de chapelles sinon de clochers, des rejets rebelles plus ou moins
violents, des définitions idéalistes, des dynamiques procédurières, des jalousies, des
tentatives de contrôle ou d’embrigadements presque sectaires, des postures de guru,
etc. Comment faire partie de la solution si nous répétons la forme du problème?

 Très paradoxalement, tout cela est fait au nom d’un métier qui repose sur l’écoute, la
modestie voire l’humilité, l’accueil de la différence de l’autre, le changement de
perspectives, le cheminement paritaire, la recherche de solutions d’avenir, etc.

Le métier mérite sûrement une réflexion plus large et plus inclusive.

Pour ceux qui aiment ce métier, il est certes utile de le défendre comme une profession
spécifiquement définie et bien différente des autres. Constatons cependant que le mot même
de « coach » est quand même issu du langage courant. Il a des définitions antérieures et
historiques. Dans le monde des sportifs, il était synonyme d'entraineur, souvent expert et
directif. Selon son étymologie il paraît qu'il est issue du mot coche et cocher pour nommer
un conducteur de diligence. Pas forcément très tendre: "Fouette cocher!" Le mot voulait
 65

dire beaucoup de choses avant l’avènement de la profession qui nous est chère, dont les
définitions sont bien plus récente.

 Et c’est trop tard pour en changer d’appellation, alors il faut assumer!

Le mot coach est à la fois générique et très spécifique. Il est donc utile aujourd'hui de le
considérer de façons totalement différentes voire complémentaires.

UN NOUVEAU MOUVEMENT

D’une part, nous pouvons constater que la majorité probable de ceux qui se disent coach
manifestent ainsi leur appartenance spontanée à un genre de mouvement très général. Ils
veulent dire :

 Qu'ils s'inscrivent en marge des cadres de référence jusqu'ici dominants, par exemple
de la société industrielle centralisatrice, hiérarchique, polluante, etc.
 Qu’ils s’inscrivent dans un métier d’indépendant à multiples facettes voire dans
plusieurs métiers complémentaires,
 Que d’une façon ou d’une autre, ils se perçoivent comme des accompagnateurs du
développement des autres (individuels ou collectifs), surtout dans une dynamique de
transition, voire de transformation
 Qu’ils investissent aussi, de façon soutenue, dans leur propre développement
personnel et professionnel, dans leur propre quête de sens.
 Qu’ils sont relativement ancrés dans une culture web, digitale, paritaire,
communautaire ; dans un engagement sociétal important.
 Qu’ils s’inscrivent dans une approche holistique, non fragmentaire voire systémique
de leur vie personnelle et professionnelle, de la société, du monde. (Article sur
l'Esprit Systémique du Coaching)

Cette appellation assez large peut inclure des coachs en yoga, en nutrition, en santé, en sport,
en développement professionnel et personnel, etc. La liste devient très longue. Pour
beaucoup, puisque le sens de ce que l’on fait est plus important que le moyen, il est possible
de s’inscrire dans plusieurs de ces domaines à la fois. On peut devenir coach "multi-carte".

Dans cette optique, annoncer que l’on est coach est une façon simple de dire que l’on s’inscrit
dans un mouvement social voire sociétal. Ce mouvement fait partie de la révolution digitale
dans le sens culturel du terme :

 Il s’agit d’être engagé dans le mouvement de transformation mondial facilité par le

web, en agissant localement au sein de ses réseaux.
 Il s’agit de s’affranchir de métiers déshumanisants, du monde polluant, de l’industrie
centralisée, de l’état omniprésent, etc.

Dans ce sens se dire coach est sans doute une façon d’annoncer que l’on se perçoit comme un
fournisseur de services multiformes qui accompagnent le développement d’autrui, en passant
d’abord par soi.

1. Et en comptant toutes les personnes qui annoncent être coach, ou vouloir devenir
coach ou vouloir intégrer dans leur métier soit des outils de coach, soit une posture
de coach, ce mouvement est phénoménal.
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Le coaching comme mouvement se développe en même temps que le coaching comme

métier, dans les années 1995 et en synchronisme avec la révolution digitale. Par conséquent,
le mouvement et le métier en héritent beaucoup de caractéristiques.

UN NOUVEAU METIER

D’autre part, le métier de coach est aussi considéré comme beaucoup plus précis. Sa
définition bien plus restrictive concerne un genre de méta métier très spécifique, et très
différent de tous ceux qui existaient précédemment. Pour exemple, beaucoup de ses
définitions sont formulées de façon négative : Ce n’est pas une approche d'expert, ce n’est
pas de la thérapie voire de la psychologie, ce n’est pas une approche analytique, il n'offre pas
de solutions, il n’est pas directif, etc.

Les fondateurs de ce métier précis sont connus pour être issus du monde du sport et pour
s’inscrire dans l’accompagnement de champions. Ce dernier point est important. Un
champion est en effet déjà en possession de tous ses moyens. Il sait faire. Il réussit. Il est
éventuellement olympique! Par conséquent, un coach de champions ne peut pas leur apporter
de solutions. Il ne peut que les accompagner dans leur recherche très personnelle. Cette
recherche permettra à chaque champion trouver par lui-mêmes les moyens de se dépasser, à
sa façon, dans son domaine.

Défini comme cela, le coaching est un métier d’accompagnement de personnes déjà très
compétentes, à la fois dans leurs façons de mener leur vie et dans leurs métiers. Il peut
s'ensuivre qu'un bon coach peut accompagner une personne dans n'importe quel domaine. Il
serait autant un coach lorsqu'il s'agit d'accompagner quelqu'un qui souhaiterait mieux réussir
dans son sport, dans son métier de manager, dans sa famille, dans sa santé, etc.

Ces professionnels sont généralement certifiés coachs sans plus de précisions quant à un
champs d'expertise spécifique. Ils s'inscrivent souvent dans une association professionnelle
dont la fonction principale est de définir et défendre leur métier de façon précise. Comme
dans d'autres métiers et pour assurer la qualité de la profession, ces associations élaborent
puis assurent le respect d'une charte éthique et déontologique précise et des niveaux de
compétences mesurables.

Article: "Comment devenir coach"

LE MOUVEMENT ET LE METIER

Il est utile d’envisager que

 le coaching comme terme d’appartenance à un mouvement général, et

 le coaching comme appellation d’un métier spécifique,

Ne sont que deux déclinaisons linguistiques de la même aspiration, deux subtilités de

positionnement dans une même démarche sociétale.

En effet, l’utilisation du même terme coach pour deux démarches très complémentaires n’est
pas nécessairement contradictoire. De fait, les deux démarches oeuvrent dans la même
direction.
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 Elles accompagnent toutes deux les transitions personnelles et sociétales qui sont en
cours depuis les années ’90.
 Toutes deux s'inscrivent dans l'esprit, les stratégies, les moyens et les conséquences de
la révolution digitale.

Plutôt que s’engager dans une dynamique de différentiation et d’exclusion, il serait utile pour
l’ensemble du mouvement et des métiers du coaching de tenir un discours inclusif. Ils serait
bien plus efficace pour tous d’accueillir tout la gamme des diverses professions de « coach »
afin de plutôt se centrer ensemble sur l'atteinte de notre objectif commun.

Dans ce cadre plus général et inclusif du coaching comme un métier d'accompagnement situé
au sein d'un engagement social et sociétal, il sera ensuite utile pour chacun de continuer de
définir sa spécificité, sa propre façon d’accompagner la transformation de ses clients
individuels et collectifs. Accepter la différence de l'autre est d'autant plus facile lorsqu'on est
clair et transparent sur la sienne.

COACHING AND MANAGEMENT MICRO

COMPETENCIES
Coaching micro competencies and their applications in all
personal and professional situations and fields.

Alain Cardon

In order to better accompany individuals and collectives systems such as teams, families,
networks and organizations, systemic coaches constantly have opportunities to model
performing communication and behavioral skills. To offer a few examples, whenever they
establish contracts, manage time, help to change perspectives, focus clients on options,
accompany their action plans, etc. coaches are not simply focused on the content of client
issues. They also model performing behavioral skills. By repeatedly if not systematically
deploying pertinent competencies to accompany clients, a professional coach consequently
trains them. This is done all the more through conscous modeling if these behaviors are
regularly and pertinently repeated from session to session. In doing so, coaches indirectly train
their clients to develop the same effective behaviors and ultimately become more autonomous,
from the coach!

By taking this modeling principle seriously, it becomes useful to define which specific coach
behavioral competencies could be vital to model to all clients, no matter their professional and
personal contexts.

An aware coach could then systematically deploy these competencies, throughout the coaching
relationship, no matter the client apparent issues or subjects.
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These essential competencies actually exist in management, coaching, and maybe even
parenting. The are so commonly used that they could be considered universally applicable
systemic micro competencies. They are in fact simple and very effective behavioral habits that
can be consciously learned and deployed by anyone, anywhere, everywhere. In fact very
effective people do it tall the time, naturally! These micro competencies are systemic in several
ways. They:

 Are locally applicable. They concern short and simple behavioral patterns that any individual can initiate
at any time, alone or collectively, in all relationships, in any personal or professional context.
 Have an immediate beneficial influence on the situation, on the person who is deploying them, in the
interaction with others and on active or passive local environments.
 Also have a much larger effect in time, on the medium and longer term.
 Have, though capillarity or viral distribution, a much more indirect but consequential effect in space, on
larger systems in the environment.
 Are functional, applicable in all individual or collective situations, in personal or professional contexts.

To consider the nature of such systemic micro competencies within known biological
communities, let us consider, for example, the ones that are deployed within anthills. Each
individual ant in such a community constantly takes the initiative to deploy one among a limited
set of competencies, and immediately informs other ants in the immediate vicinity. In effect,
any ant that perceives that it is useful to clean the hatchery, or to take out the trash, or to go
foray for food, or to repair a tunnel, etc. simply takes the initiative to deploy competencies to
that effect, and immediately informs any neighboring ant of this initiative.

By constantly and naturally acting on a limited range of simple competencies, these insects
develop communities that include millions of individuals, sustainably cover hundreds of square
miles, and this without any form of hierarchy. Indeed within anthill, there are no leader ants,
no managers, no experts, no budgets nor five-year plans, no control systems, no executive
teams, no headquarters, etc. It is an extraordinary example of very efficient self managed
systems. Nature offers many more such examples of extremely effective yet simply run
organiszation. Bee hives, schools of fish, termite nests, sparrow murmurations and other
naturally performing communities all seem to function in the same way as if by some sort of
organizational magic.

 Caution: this article is not proposing an idealist model to develop similar flat forms of human
organization. This would be totally paradoxical. Nobody ever proposed any form of model to insects, birds
and fish. Tehy developed it themselves, quite naturally, without a coach!

The object here is to seriously consider the pertinence of a few simple, performance-oriented,
human micro-competencies that could allow more successful emerging results within all our
 69

existing social and professional organizations. In order to clearly formulate this working
hypothesis, our question becomes: How can we single out and clearly define a simple set of
micro competencies that will appropriately answer to the following systemic criteria::

 Human micro competencies should be obvious, easily acquired by all, applicable at all times and in all
personal and professional contexts.
 They should simultaneously foster individual, collective and system development on the short, medium and
long term.

These human micro competencies should also apply to the higher level of complexity that
corresponds to our modern human reality. To achieve that:

 They need to concern the form or the process of our actions rather than their content.

Indeed, we are not ants nor birds nor fish. We do not limit our existence to a similar set
number of limited tasks. Our anthills have many level of much higher complexity.
A first individual micro competency with clear systemic effects and which answers the above
basic criteria is the capacity to make decisions.

 Caution: This concerns the capacity to be decisive, no matter the content of the needed decision.

At all times, in all life situations, decisions are acts of creation. Even when it is justified by fear
or the need for more facts and analysis indecision, is often no more than procrastination and
temporization, postponing and passivity. Individual and collective indecision is our most
fertile ground for uncertainty, which in turn reinforces indecision even more.

Any good or bad decision rapidly provokes an information loop with new useful input. This
allows decisive people to rapidly adjust and move forward with another decision. And this
again and again. One can compare such decisiveness to the simple act of walking. Each step
forward calls for another and yet another, and the process allows forward movement. Each
new step also adapts to the route, to changing goals, to redress past slips and mistakes. This
creates progression or progress. The first steps in life are generally considered to be big risks.
These create the initial movement or momentum that then allows us to cover unbelievable
distances, achieve our wildest dreams, just one step at a time.

 The only mistakes would be to avoid to decide, or to decide for once and for all.

This micro competency creates room for initiative, action, reaction, movement, progress,
opportunities for growth.. It also concerns the decision-driver function, one among the four
team-meeting Delegated Process roles presented elsewhere on this website. By extension,
notice that this micro competency is also at the heart of all contracting and alignment processes
in any situation that calls for goal-focused partnerships or collective action. And decisiveness
 70

is also rather instrumental in Transactional Analysis and in all contracting and agreement
processes, on all levels of coaching sessions and sequences.

To consult a dedicated article on the decision-driving micro competency

A second individual micro competency that wields systemic results is the capacity to actively
provoke energy circulation, or activate circularity, within any personal or professional context
or system.

 This micro competency consists in actively engaging and reengaging, distributing and redistributing,
directing and re directing all forms blocked energy. Everything needs to flow!

Blocked energy may take the form of repetitious self-centered behavior, of competitive or
relational polarities, of habits, passivity or routines that naturally emerge within all personal
and collective contexts. Blocked energy is waste.

The circularity-focused micro competency naturally follows decisiveness. Its function is to

activate flow and action. It is fundamentally entrepreneurial. It addresses all retained resources
that may be inactive, ignored or disqualified in any situation. In a creative way, its function is
to activate the quantity and speed of deployed energy exchange within participative interfaces,
between all people and all available resources. This focus is on energy flow or circulation
within interfaces (energy) rather than on people or contents (matter). In human systems, this
micro competency is therefore fundamentally focused on participative reactivity, on fostering
collective intelligence, on by-passing all limiting control-oriented strategies.

Note that when this competency precedes alignment created by decisiveness, action can then
become senseless, lack direction, be messy, hyperactive or chaotic. This underlines the need
to learn how to deploy any set of micro competencies in a pertinent or appropriate fashion.
Each micro competency could indeed become counter productive if it is not deployed in a
coherent fashion, in a good equilibrium with all the others. It is indeed just as useless to decide
without following up with action than to immediately act, without any prior deciding aligning
towrads a goal.

As a micro competency the capacity to foster circularity in energy flow is also fundamentally
systemic. It is central when one wants to add motivation and effectiveness in collective
activities.

Within the meeting Delegated Processes model presented elsewhere on this website, the
circularity-focused meeting role is that of the facilitator. Many examples of how to create
circularity in systems are also presented in another article on system polarities.

For an article on creating circularity

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A third personal micro competency with undeniable systemic effects consists in knowing
how to pace oneself when it comes to following up all actions.

Indeed, knowing how to decide, then how to act may have very little effect if one does not
know how to follow up on these actions as they unfold in the course of time. This is true no
matter the concerned field or time span. Any law is ineffective until it includes implementation
procedures and these include clear deadlines and follow up indications that define how and
where the law is to be applied in day to day reality. This concerns measures that allow its
effective application to be punctuated in time.

On the simplest level, this micro competency consists in knowing how to measure one’s
progression in project management, in travel, or in any other activity. Whether this concerns
a very simple and short task, or a long-term complex project over decades, pacing the follow
up of how actions unfold ensure that these will be successful and stay within respected
deadlines.

 Just as in a soccer match, the simplest rule is to pace actions in two half times, or better, in four quarters. For
more ambitious endeavors, pacing takes place weekly, quarterly, yearly.

Pacing quarters has a purpose. At half time, one needs to be conscious that the point of no
return has been reached. Half the distance needs to be covered at that point. In a more detailed
way, one needs to also be well aligned with the goal and with other partners no later than at the
end of the first quarter. One also needs to start focusing on a successful conclusion at the most
by the time the fourth quarter comes around. Consequently, the pacing micro competency
allows one to follow up actions by measuring the quality of progression, always comparing to
initial decisions, eventually adapting everythin in order to succeed in the allotted time.

Beyond time, larger pacing competencies often include measurement systems focused on
resources and their progressive allocation, expenses, profits, safety and quality criteria,
etc. Complex pacing processes are central in all budget processes, analytical accounting, big
data statistics, project and career management, etc.

In a formal way, the pacing function also figures among the Delegated Process meeting
roles. It is also quite instrumental in all personal and professional Breakthrough dynamics so
dear to performance oriented coaches and managers.

A fourth individual micro competency that wields systemic effects concerns the art of feed
forwarding. It contributes to the active, creative and concrete future evolution of all interacting
partners in any personal or professional system, within all private or public relationships.

With the object of completing or even replacing positive and negative feedback loops, feed
forwarding consists in considering for oneself and/or sharing with others different future-
oriented, practical or behavior options, in order to experiment, to innovate and to progress.
 72

 Resting on the principle that all living systems have the mission if not the obligation to constantly co create
a perpetually expanding universe, any time an action is concluded, this micro competency consists in asking
how one can do better, differently, more sustainably, with more elegance, etc the next time a similar
opportunity come around.

After any project, party, dinner, trip, event, meeting, etc. one needs to ask how can I do this
differently next time? Consequently, this micro competency is essentially focused on human
capacity to constantly innovate and evolve. It consists in proposing oneself and others new
positive, useful, pertinent, creative and practical options and solutions that can be implemented
in a precise future, It is a rather instrumental process that can be central in all dynamics focused
on human improvement, personal and professional development, in all individual and
collective contexts.

Assumed by an advisor-coach this competency is also central among the Delegated Process
meeting roles developed by metasysteme coaching and presented on this website. Also, a
dedicated artcicle ion the art of Feedforwarding is available HERE.

To consult a dedicated article on the micro competencey of feed forwarding

The fundamentally systemic nature of the above micro competencies merits some
attention.

First micro competencies cover an important spectrum of complementary

dimensions. Consider:

 Decision making
 The increase of energy flow deployed in action.
 Time management and resource follow up in action.
 Pragmatic innovation and future development

For systemic coaches, one could also add the capacity to embody low positioning!

These are not new competencies. One way or another and since the beginning of time, they all
figure among leadership and management competencies, and more recently among key
coaching skills. As micro competencies they are also very simple core processes, central to
all we want to achieve in personal life, professional settings, sports, individually and with
others. They are even useful when one just wants to cross the street to buy groceries.

Also note that when they are jointly and pertinently deployed, these micro competencies can
help individuals and groups develop extraordinary effectiveness. When they are learned
through systematic practice, to the point of becoming natural behavioral habits, these micro
 73

competencies can help achieve very ambitious measurable results. To fully understand their
fundamentally systemic nature, note again that they:

 Are simple and easy to implement in all our daily activities as individuals, teams, professionals, managers
and coaches.
 Can be applied in all personal and collective environments.
 Are immediately and measurably effective. Their first return on investment can be instantaneous.
 Can be deployed by all the actors in any system, no matter their level of expertise, their role, their social
status, their hierarchical position, their seniority, etc.
 Are viral in that they are easy both to model and to copy, by all.
 Are easy to learn. One just needs to seize all opportunities to practice, all day long, on any subject, with
anyone, in any sequence, on any issue, in any setting, within any project or meeting etc. until they become
natural behavioral reflexes.
 Allow the development of collaborative system effectiveness by offering everyone to take an active part in
all interfaces that can be focused on achieving results.

In all systems, these micro competencies foster creativity, innovation, people development,
subsidiarity or local initiative, delegation, autonomy, empowerment, efficiency, etc. They are
the human equivalent of natural competencies such as those deployed in observable biological
systems.

Also, in as much as they are practical and behavioral, these systemic micro competencies can
help us compensate many speeches and presentationsthat are excessively:

 Ideological, on liberated organizations

 Theoretical on systems thinking

All that is necessary is for each to immediately and locally implement or model simple and
practical behavioral skills that have rapid measurable effects.

In a more formal way, through generalized behavioral training and practice, these systemic
micro competencies can rapidly provoke measurable team and organizational cultural
modification. They simply need to be embraced by employees at any level, at minimum within
innovating teams and networks. The effect then spreads naturally. In this way, change
management needs not be limited to principles and ideology debated on higher hierarchical
levels, never to be seen within the rest of the system. Change management can start anywhere.

As a matter of fact, systemic thinking is quite precise on this point: In order to achieve any
result, innovation needs to locally emerge (that means from the bottom up) and then spread
from the local to the global. And as far as micro competencies, go the most local is the
individual. So when do you start?
 74

COACHING QUESTIONS

It has frequently been said that professional coaches work with clients by carefully avoiding getting
involved in their problems, to propose answers or to offer options and solutions. Probably just as
often, it has been also said that coaches accompany their clients to find their own solutions by
asking coaching questions.

If these affirmations are relatively true, the second one calls for much more precision both as to the
form and the content of coaching questions a professional may ask. Indeed, journalism can also be
considered to be the art of asking questions, and so can Nazi Gestapo and Spanish inquisition
interrogation processes, not to mention other dismal totalitarian eras of human history. So how is
the coaching art of asking questions different from other known questioning processes in other
professions?

THE FOCUS OF COACHING QUESTIONS

The coaching process rests on a very specific frame of reference, and all coach behavior and
interactions, including coaching questions, should reflect that frame of reference.

According to a coaching frame of reference, all clients are to be considered a priori intelligent and
well-informed people. Coaches believe that clients know all there is to know on the technical
dimensions of the issues, either to solve their own problem or to achieve much more performing
results than those they have in the past.

Consequently during a coaching process and without any exception, each and every client can and
must be considered to be an “expert” in his or her field. As a matter of fact, in coaching
relationships, each client is perceived as the sole person capable of finding original and appropriate
answers to achieve his or her personal or professional objectives.

Given this client expertise, it is futile to think that in the course of any coaching process, coaches will
find answers or options that their clients have not already considered and brushed aside. It is almost
unimaginable that a coach could find solutions in any specific client’s field of expertise, unless of
course, the client is a fool. In which case, be assured that he or she would not seek a coach.

Consequently, it is not a coach’s job to ask numerous questions aimed at finding solutions or original
ideas within a mental or emotional environment that the client has already processed backward and
forward, to no avail. For a coach, it is necessary to consider that all the ideas and options one could
imagine have already been considered by the client, and have been rejected. Consequently,
humility is requested in any coaching process, given that clients, by definition, are not fools.

Furthermore, it is not a coach's job to have a pocketful of powerful or very tricky questions that will
jolt clients with surprise and gaping with awe at their coach's intelligence. The function of a
coaching question is not to demonstrate a coach's supreme creativity or outstanding intelligence,
but to really help the client focus on their issues or ambitions with a creatively different
perspective. So how does a coach proceed to serve what single pertinent or appropriate question,
to what type of client, and when?

COACH FRAME OF REFERENCE

Before learning how to use coaching questions, or any other coaching tool, strategy, technique or
attitude, one needs to be aware that all of these are most often determined by the coach's past,
habits, personality, upbringing, values, principles, etc. This is the influence of the coach's frame of
 75

reference. In a systemic perspective, coaches are indeed totally involved in the coaching
relationship, influencing the coach-client process with their own general paradigm, linguistic choices,
behavioral patterns, etc.

Consequently when learning coaching skills, one needs to be aware of the type of skills towards
which one is naturally attracted. These will most probably reinforce what one already knows, feels,
intuits, etc. and influence the skills that may expand, help explore new attitudes, enlarge
competencies and make new relational options available. Beyond the choice of coaching questions,
this reflection applies to all other coaching skill-sets.

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CLIENT FRAME OF REFERENCE

To be a coach, it is necessary to know that if clients are the first and best experts capable of solving
their own problems and achieving their own ambitions, that is precisely the main reason why clients
are motivated to call on a coach. When clients bring important issues to a coach, they have already
made a complete inventory of their personal or professional issue and of all possible options, to no
avail. Clients have already tried working out their issues alone, and have not succeeded.

Coaching clients generally consult coaches after having tried to solve their problems, meet their
ambitions or deal with their issues. In spite of this, these clients feel stuck in a rut or up a dead
end. Clients have consequently generally well thought out their problems or ambitions, and they
perceive no solutions to their issues as they have defined them, no practical way to achieve their
goals as they have established them.

This is exactly where the key to most client difficulties lies, and what defines the foundation of the
art of coaching. As they have been defined, client problems have no apparent solution. As they
have been formulated, client objectives are not attainable. The coach must therefore focus with
their coaching listening skills and other specific communication competencies on the outer limits of
client definitions and formulations.

Consequently, the professional coach does not focus on problems as they are defined by clients, but
rather on their clients’ way of defining their problems. The coach does not focus on an ambition as it
is considered by a specific client but rather on their clients' way of considering their goals and
ambitions.

This original approach proposed by coaching rests on one principle: a well defined problem or issue
very easily finds its solution, and conversely, a problem that finds no solution has most probably
been defined in a manner that is too restrictive, constrictive, or somehow limiting.

THE FUNCTION OF QUESTIONS

Consequently, when a client does not easily or naturally find answers to issues or solutions to
problems, it is useless to search in the same way, place or direction as the client has already done. It
is useful however, to help the client “reconfigure” or reboot his or her way of defining the issue, of
considering the problem, or of visioning an ambition. Consequently, a coaching approach is to
question the client’s frame of reference. Coaching questions that are considered to be powerful are
precisely those that jolt clients into reconsidering the way they define a problem, perceive an issue
or envision an ambition.
 76

To reformulate the specificity of the art of coaching: Coaching questions are not presented to elicit
more information from the client but rather to provoke the client to think, feel or react differently
about the issue at hand with the information he or she already has.

Consequently, a coach does not focus on the technical details of a client’s specific problem at the
risk of also becoming a prisoner to the same limiting client frame of reference. Instead, the coach
explores the general framework that underlies or structures the way the client considers an issue
and the way the client searches for options, in order to help expand those processes.

In fact, this reconfiguration of client frames of reference or this change of perspective of client goals
and issues is precisely what will permit them to suddenly discover totally new approaches to define
and solve problems, to achieve ambitions..

This coaching approach is sometimes relatively difficult to implement. Numerous clients feel the
imperative need to give coaches a complete inventory of the long painful path that has lead them to
their quagmire. Coaches also often seek to acquire useless over detailed information on their
client's perception of their problems and environments in order to understand why they are
stuck. Clients do not realize that the limit of their perception is the main factor at the origin of their
search for a coach. So clients often paradoxically feel or think that their coach must very logically
know all the informational details that define their constraining frame of reference.

Paradoxically, the more clients define their issue to a coach or anyone else, the more they reinforce
their limiting frame of reference. Note also that coaches who do not know how to ask the right
coaching question also tend to elicit more and more useless information from clients with content-
oriented questions. They thereby unknowingly help clients reinforce their restraining perspective.

In this paradoxical relationship with their clients, the more a coach attentively listens to the details
of the client issue and the more a coach becomes “in tune” with client emotions, the more that
coach will risk getting stuck with the client in the same exit-less client situation

Consequently, a correct coaching “posture” or attitude consists in accompanying the client without
ever totally adhering to the underlying frame of reference, without ever completely immersing into
client context and mindset. A coach is to help clients question their frames of reference, and
perceive their environments from new original angles, their issues under different lights. Powerful
coaching questions are those that transform frames of reference and allow the client act differently
and grow taller. We will delve into this exceptional type of coach question further below.

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STANDARD COACHING QUESTIONS AND QUESTIONS COACHES NEED TO AVOID

Rhetorical Questions

Rhetorical questions are figures of speech that just seek to elicit public approval so the speaker can
go on with a predictable demonstration. Rhetorical questions are not real questions, as they are not
really designed to elicit original answers. Needless to say that they are not to be considered very
useful coaching questions.

Interestingly many coaches treat many types of questions as if they were rhetorical questions.

When they ask a question, these coaches do not really wait for and listen to the client answer, and
they do not react if the client provides a response that has nothing to do with the question. In other
words, many coaches do not seem to pay enough attention or give sufficient importance to many of
 77

their own questions, nor to the specific answers these should elicit. If a coach is not going to follow
up on answers to a given question, when a client ignores or avoids it, then maybe the question was
not worth asking in the first place. That question could be considered rhetorical.

Some coaches are also so engrossed in their own strategy that they do not really listen to a client
answer. For instance a coach may ask a process question, such as "May I reformulate what I
understand here?" and go on with the restatement without giving the client a chance to answer yes
or no. That permission question is then purely rhetorical.

Good coaching questions are not rhetorical questions in the sense that when they are precisely
asked, they should be precisely answered, and the coach should demonstrate respect and good
listening skills as to the content and form of the client answer. Any client avoidance strategy or any
answer that does not really pertain to the object of the question could well be challenged and
refocused by a strategic coach.

But then, any question should be well chosen, well formulated and timely put. Consider the
following types of questions, quite common to any communication process:

Simple / Complicated Questions

When coaching, it is useful to leave a maximum amount of space for clients to have ample room to
deploy their own inner dialogue, explore the outer limits of their frames of reference, and develop
their own growth potentials. Consequently, a coach’s role is to be present in a relatively light,
minimalist and almost transparent manner, except for a few occasional, short, precise and
respecting intrusions into the coaching conversation. This minimalist attitude also concerns all
coaching questions that should be short, simple and to the point.

Caution: The opposite of a simple question is not a complex question, but a complicated question.
Complex questions rest on a systemic frame of reference and could be paradoxical, recursive or
strategically designed to create confusion. We will cover these farther below.

When coaches offer too many, too long and too complicated questions, (of which many are
invariably problem-focused) they will reveal that they are indirectly or unconsciously trying to
process the issue in order to propose solutions, obtain recognition, justify their presence, push to
accelerate client problem solving, etc.

Even if these numerous, lengthy and inappropriate questions are motivated by a positive desire to
help, they only get in the way of client autonomy. When coaching, fewer, shorter and simple
questions are considered most useful and most effective. So as we shall see, coaching questions are
often minimalist questions.

One linguistic key is that all coaching questions should be stand-alone interruptions. Coaches that
ask questions that begin with “and…” or “so…” may be indicating that these are linked to the
preceding conversation. They do not interrupt the flow to open new doors or avenues. These
introductions should alert that the coach is getting too involved in the client content.



Neutral / Leading Questions

Another standard distinction between questions concerns their object. Habitually, a question’s
purpose is to obtain new information or generate new ideas. To really do either well, it is critical
that the formulation of the question does not reveal an attempt to influence, lead or direct the
content of the answer in any intentional direction.
 78

Thus, coaching questions that offer a totally open field for client response are neutral
questions. They are considered much more useful to help open client perspectives. Examples of
useful neutral coaching questions as compared to leading questions are:

Leading Questions

«Are you angry?» proposes a specific emotion amongst a host of others and can focus client
attention on that specific content.

When asked that question, clients can focus on that emotion and become aware that indeed, they
are feeling anger. But client concentration on any emotion can give that emotion accrued
importance at the expense of another. Sadness, fear, etc. may also be just as present, but are not
mentioned by the coach in the question.

Neutral Questions:

«What do you feel? » presents a more open field for client to define emotions without any specific
focus or limitations. Even more open would be "what is your perception?" This question would let
the client choose between feeling, thinking, intuiting, or whatever. Obviously coaches well versed in
emotional intelligence will invariably choose to ask about client emotions.

The form of the question “are you angry?” does have the merit of being simple rather than
complicated. Some leading or directed questions carry so much information that they display the
judgments, beliefs and frames of reference of the questioner. These seem to propose that the
listener should merely accept and agree with the whole package. Leading and complicated
questions formally pretend to be searching for information, but a quick analysis of their content will
reveal a contrary effect:

«Don’t you feel mad or at least a form of anger when you are facing this kind of passive environment
which in effect is obliging you to take on much more than your share of responsibility?»

«Don’t you believe that when you are in a hierarchical context and in a company culture like yours
that seems rather traditional if not military, that you’d better think twice before reacting to…?»

Both the above questions immediately limit the client thought playground by suggesting numerous
beliefs and limits. So beware of all negatively formulated questions that start with “Don’t
you…”. Consequently, when coaches wish to offer their clients a really free and open space to let
them express and grow without hindrance, simple neutral questions are particularly
recommended. « What do you think? » or « what do you feel? », etc. are considered much more
neutral coaching questions. To conclude, leading questions are not considered very effective
coaching questions.

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Negative Interrogation

Notice also that both of the above question examples are negative interrogations. Negative
interrogations that start with "why don't you..." or "what keeps you from..." focus clients on their
blocks and hindrances. They may also indirectly offer options. Other more positive-oriented
coaching question and formulations are advised, in order to help clients move forward towards
finding and designing their own solutions. Consequently, negative interrogation questions are not
considered very good coaching questions.

Open / Closed Coaching Questions

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Among traditional categories of questions, there are also « open questions », which give the client a
very large area for expression, and « closed questions », which propose a choice between specific
options, or within a defined alternative. Open coaching questions increase the scope of client
personal « dialogue », and closed coaching questions direct clients towards the possibility to choose
a position or decide on a specific action. Consider the following open questions:

What do you want to do in the following situation?

What are your options?

What could be your next step?

What deadline you would set for this action?

What do you feel when facing this type of situation?

When a coach asks open questions, clients are invited to develop whatever they want or express;
whatever they think or feel. Nothing in the formulated coaching question suggests that the coach
has a specific idea, goal or expectation. This type of coaching question elicits a personal client
response that could either be short or long, original or unexpected, assertive or hesitant, etc.

Towards the end of coaching sequences or sessions, however, it is useful for coaches to accompany
client dialogues towards a more centered, concentrated focus or conclusion. At times, it is indeed
useful for a coach to help clients limit the scope of their personal dialogue and begin to decide on
specific directions or actions. The coach would then offer either / or closed coaching questions that
invite client decision and action:

Do you want to decide on a few actions right away, or is this still a little early for you?

Do you prefer option A, option B, or option C?

Are you going to react right away or do you want to let the situation mature?

Are you bothered by this occurrence, or on the contrary, do you feel stimulated by it?

All these coaching questions propose an alternative or a choice. The client is put in a position to
choose between two or more options proposed by the coach. Note that the options should be
originating from prior client dialogue. In the above examples, if the clients have not yet decided to
make a choice, the form of the closed coaching questions may be prematurely suggesting it is time
to conclude. The client may feel pushed by the coach, and that may elicit unproductive compliance
or a healthier resistance to the coach subtle directivity.

This type of alternative coaching question is useful to confirm that the client has already made an
unconscious choice or to confirm that the client is ready to make a choice. Notice that the form of
closed coaching questions can direct the client towards a conclusion, without influencing the
content of the client’s choice in any way. Indeed, closed coaching questions must not be directed or
leading to satisfy coach agendas or impatience.

Professional coaches are very careful with their use of closed questions. If the choice is proposed
too early, clients may not be ready to decide. “I don’t know” is the invariably powerless answer that
indicates that the question is prematurely offered by the driving coach. Consequently, it is useful to
know when to offer a closed coaching question, and when to let the client proceed unhindered.

A timely closed coaching question can provoke or confirm a decision or a conclusion.

 80

A premature closed question can reveal coach impatience, or again lack of client readiness to
decide.

The coach must be attentive to both situations by learning how to manage their own impatience.

After answering a closed question, clients often expect the coach to keep the coaching initiative and
ask another structuring question. Consequently, closed questions tend to create a pause in client
responsibility. A judiciously placed linguistic prod or open coaching question will help clients dig
deeper into the direction defined by their choice, or will direct them to another coaching sequence
or issue: "So...?"

Single / Multiple Questions

An excellent indicator that coaches may be getting too involved in an analytical approach is when
they serve a battery of questions, one after the other, hardly providing silences nor letting the client
time to think or search for their own answers. Again, good coaching questions are usually stand-
alone interventions and elicit ample enough thoughtful client dialogue. They are followed by silence
and minimalist linguistic punctuation to let the client keep the initiative of their quests and deepen
their internal dialogue.

Practical oriented questions

When clients approach general or vague theoretical issues, it is useful for coaches to ask them if they
can focus on precise occurrences, measurable situations or specific people and places. Coaching can
indeed accompany clients to solve issues and accomplish important results if clients focus on real
situations and well defined areas of their lives. Pragmatic questions can help the client focus on
specific situations to achieve their goals. Consider the following:

_Client: " I can’t seem to finish my projects 
_Coach: "Can you give a precise example of an ongoing
project you would like to finish?"

_Client: "I cannot stand indecisive people ". 
_Coach: "Who in your life are you referring to today?”

_Client: "JI would like to improve the relationships with my employees”.

_Coach: "Starting with
which employee, if you were to focus on a practical example?”

On the one hand, the objective is obviously to proceed in a practical fashion. On the other, the
principle is to help the client center on developing a specific problem-solving process that could then
be enlarged to other situations. This is completely in keeping with the systemic principle that if
analysis can be global, action needs to be local. As coaching is action-oriented rather than a purely
analytical approach, ask this type of question to have clients focus on a practical learning
situation. Learned options can then be progressively applied to other similar contexts.

Asking practical oriented questions are very useful at the beginning of a coaching sequence. They
will help focus the coaching process on concrete solutions and action plans at the end of the session.

inShare234

Active Questions / Analytic Questions

Another distinction between types of questions differentiates those centered on eliciting an

analytical response from those centered on eliciting future orientation towards action. Analytical
questions generally elicit responses that describe client past experiences, acquired client frames of
 81

reference and limiting client contexts. They are questions focused on eliciting more information or
explanations, if not justifications.

By asking analytical questions, coaches help clients center on understanding their motivations,
context, environmental support, limits, etc. Clients will then explain historical and contextual
contexts, problems or ambitions, sometimes with excruciating details. Consequently, coaches who
want to help clients focus on future actions and solutions will not favor the use of any type of
analytical questions.

Indeed, if coaching is a process to accompany client centered on action and results, useful questions
are intently focused on active, future-oriented change and on implementing solutions that help drive
client solutions and success.



Why?

The first practical consequence of having a future and solution-oriented coaching strategy is to avoid
asking « why », at all costs. Almost every time this question is asked, the answer that follows is a
detailed client elaboration of a historical frame of reference that limits their mental agility or
emotional mobility.

To follow up on this logic, all questions centered on understanding client problems, client history,
client difficulties, client unsuccessful past options, client context, etc. could be considered as
relatively useless. “Why” questions rests on the popular belief that « to succeed, one should
understand how one has failed ». In other words, to learn how to swim, one must carefully analyze
how one has almost drowned. In effect, why questions only let clients meander within their same-
old limited past frame of reference. A good coaching process needs to gently lead the client out of
that box.

There are of course some rare exceptions to this affirmation. A coach may ask “why?” to better
listen to how a client is limiting the development of personal potentials. If that coach avoids
listening to the obvious information and tries instead to catch the client’s limiting world-view, basic
assumptions, behavior patterns, etc., then the client answer to “why” can be very rich to enhance
future coaching work. We suggest, however, that coaches help their clients spend much more
energy exploring on future possibilities.

Consequently if ever a coach asks a client a “why?” question, it should be less to hear the content of
the answer in its specific relevance to a given situation, and more to listen to the general form of the
client’s way of thinking, emoting, intuiting, etc. The answer then gives numerous indications of the
inherent limits of client frame of reference.

More often than not, however, the why question reveals that coaches are completely caught up in
the client issue, uselessly trying to understand the origins of the client context. Generally speaking,
intellectual or mental coaches who fall in the trap of trying to be experts ask way too many why
questions. These may often take other subtle forms that don’t start with a clear why, such as “what
keeps you from…” or “what makes you think that…”, or again "what is the origin of...?" “ can you
explain..;?” etc.

How?

Coaching questions centered on action have the merit of urging clients to envision creating future
possibilities. These questions generally start with "how can you…?", or "how will you…?" Most
coaching questions which begin with "how are you going to…?" are considered better solution-
oriented coaching questions. Depending on the work previously achieved by clients, this form of
open future-oriented coaching question can be either neutral or subtly directed.
 82

"How are you going to..." questions are asked to clients who are perceived to be ready to move into
action. These coaching questions suggest it is now time to reflect on future strategy, tactics, or
active behavior. This assumption should have been confirmed by work preceding the coaching
question, in which case the question is considered “neutral”. If however, a client has not given any
indication of readiness to start moving into action, this coaching question may direct the client
towards defining specific action a little bit too early. Consequently, if it is prematurely asked, the
question "how to…?” can be considered rather directive, and can therefore be inappropriate. 
For
example, consider the two following questions:

"Do you plan to explain your point of view to your boss? ".

The question is simple, analytical and neutral and aims for a yes/no answer. "Do you plan to…?"
suggests the client consider the opportunity to implement action, or not. It may elicit client
dialogue on the advantages and disadvantages of an action, which in effect temporarily postpones
the decision to act. That could be opportune, if the client is not ready to envision action, or
unfortunate if the client finds comfort in postponing decisions.

“How can you appropriately explain your point of view to your boss?”

This question is considered simple, active and subtly directed. Starting with “how”, the question
presumes there is going to be an explanation. The question is focused on how the client will
explain. The coaching question suggests the client should prepare to implement action. In effect,
the decision to act is already made. If the client is not ready to move forward, the coach may be
prematurely “pushy”. If however, the client is ready to move on, then the opportune coaching
question suggests it is time to define effective strategies and behavior.

In general coaching questions that help focus clients on elaborating future action plans and
implementing solutions are considered more useful, than those that center the client on analysis and
understanding present or past occurrences.

Action plan coaching questions

Similar to the practical "how" question above, are practical coaching questions, such as those that
start with “What will you...” to elicit precision or details, “When will you…” , “With whom will you…”,
“Where will you?” Typically these coaching questions really find their place towards the second half
of a coaching sequence, when the client has sufficiently explored the issue or subject to discover
new perspectives and is ready to move on to action.

When/where

Impatient coaches often ask the "when" question much too early in the coaching process. They aim
for rapid action plans to satisfy their own need to be useful and end the session with measurable
results. More subtle coaches will replace "when will you do this" by "where is the best place to do
this", thus indirectly using the concept of time-space to bring a practical conclusion. Indeed, when a
client decides where to do something, an appropriate time will usually come up along with the
chosen location. This illustrates that even the most apparently banal and practical coaching
question can become much more effective if it is strategically proposed, that is at the most
appropriate time in the client’s work.

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HOW TO FORMULATE APPROPRIATE COACHING QUESTIONS

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Beyond being attentive to choosing the right type of coaching question, the above text illustrates
that coaches also need to pay particular attention to how their coaching questions are formulated.

This attention concerns the linguistic content of coaching questions. Consider, for example, one of
the first coaching questions a coach can ask clients at the start of a coaching session, in order to
suggest that clients focus on the desired results of the work at hand:

“How can I help you?”

“Well?” …Followed by a long silence.

“On what issues do you want to work today?” or

“What brings you here today? » or

“What do you want to achieve by the end of this session?”

“What do you expect from me today?”

“Where do you stand with your issues now?”

“What shall we talk about today?”

Etc.

The first coach question at the beginning of a coaching session or sequence should be considered a
privileged way to “set the stage” for the coaching work. It could help the client immediately become
results-oriented. The above examples illustrate how that essential first question is too often asked
in a very routinely way. In some ways, these examples may all look alike but they do not have the
same effect. Most are relatively open and focused on the future. All also suggest that clients take
responsibility and actively lead the beginning coaching process.

A closer examination of the linguistic formulation of each question, however, reveals that they are
all relatively different. Each subtly suggests a distinct coach frame of reference.

If some of the questions propose that the client be active and responsible, two of them suggest the
client formulate demands on the coach or that the coach be active and helpful. If one of the
questions offers a totally open and non-directive context, another suggests that the client evaluate
present situation, and another yet immediately focuses on defining client objectives.

All these ways of introducing a coaching session or sequence are fundamentally different and can
provoke radically different client responses and results. This illustrates that all coach questions
merit reflection as to their precise formulation focused on achieving a specific
objective. Consequently, all coach formulations, interventions and questions need careful wording
to convey a particular coaching process or intention.

Linguistic Emphasis

Consider the fundamental difference that is conveyed when a coach emphasizes a word to stress its
importance. For example, measure the fundamental difference between three apparently similar
following questions:

"What du you want?" or "What do you want?", or "What do you want?"

These three questions are indeed totally different. Powerful coach comments and questions mostly
convey power through tone modulations, changes in pace, coach expression and gestures. It is the
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coaching intention that conveys power, not a monotone question or comment. So coaching
interventions are neither powerful nor banal in themselves. It is the way they are served by the
coach that may convey power intensity, a sense of urgency, or a more laid-back, intellectual or
routine level of energy.

To Empower the Client

Careful coaching question formulation can also help coaches regularly remind themselves and their
clients that the latter are responsible to pilot their own work. The more a coach remembers to put
clients at the center of the coaching process, the more clients will develop autonomy and focus on
achieving their personal goals and ambitions. Coaches do this by regularly formulating coaching
questions and comments that linguistically suggest that their clients be active and make their own
decisions as to the content and the process of their own work. 
,Consider the different coaching
question formulations below:

« What results do you wish to accomplish today?»

« How do you want to begin this work? »

« Where do you stand now? »

« What can be your next step?»

« What do you want to do with your remaining time? »

« How do you prefer concluding this session? »

« What do you plan to implement, back on your job, before your next coaching session? »

Calling on clients directly with “you” and emphasizing the word is a much more active and
empowering approach than attempts to “protect” clients with more indirect or impersonal
formulations. Professional coaches consequently avoid such wording as “we” or “one” or "us", or
coaching question formulations centered on the coach using “I”. These direct attention away from
the client, towards the coach.

To Respect Client Space: Permission questions

Useful coaching questions sometimes ask the client for a specific permission. Considering that some
clients often only answer these with “yes”, they can sometimes be consider pure
formalities. Beyond this first social level, “permission” questions help coaches regularly remember,
and remind clients, that the coaching space belongs to the latter. Consequently, before intruding
into the private client space, professional coaches regularly manifest respect by asking their clients
for permission to enter:

“Can I interrupt?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“May I offer you a restatement here?”

“Can I share a perception of how you are progressing?”

“May I share a feeling?”

Etc.
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Obviously, some of these coaching questions are completely paradoxical. To ask if one can interrupt
is already an interruption, and to ask if one can ask a question is already a question. However note
that those coaching questions clearly express coach respect of client “coaching space”. They are the
equivalent of knocking on a door before entering a private room. They also are a subtle way to get
client complete attention prior to a coach intervention. When clients give coaches the permission to
intervene within their personal inner dialogue, there is a much higher chance that they will intently
listen to whatever the coach will offer.

As a conclusion to the above practical questions and as we present the different types of more
strategic or more powerful questions below, it is useful to remember that no question is powerful in
itself. Its powerful effect on the client generally depends on how the question is formulated, on how
it is appropriately and respectfully served in the course of a coaching process, on how much personal
energy and intention the coach puts into the question, on how the time is appropriate for the client,
etc.

POWERFUL AND STRATEGIC COACH QUESTIONS

More « strategic » or powerful coaching questions propose that clients switch to an original,
unexpected, more creative type of personal quest. These powerful coaching questions are tailored
to invite clients to think or emote differently, take some « critical » distance from their issues,
problems or goals, try other « indirect » approaches, use intuition, get out of their boxes, etc.

Strategic or powerful or coaching questions aim to surprise clients or put them “off balance” in order
to provoke the emergence of new perspectives on their problems, objectives, issues and ambitions.

When asking powerful coaching questions, coaches take initiatives, “play”, in order to help open
client inner dialogue and exploratory processes. With this type of coaching questions, coaches
formulate work proposals that help client redirect their focus, at minimum by provoking a surprising
angle or point of view. Obviously, for best coaching results, it is necessary that clients be ready and
willing to “play the game” and work into those unexpected avenues.

Consequently, the strategy for asking the powerful types of coaching questions presented below
rests on a solid coach-client relationship. The prerequisite for asking “strategic” or powerful
questions is that a strong coaching alliance already exists between the coach and the client.
Powerful questions aim to help clients change perspectives, and to be useful, this needs to be
implicitly or explicitly accepted by the client. Considering these preliminary precautions, strategic or
powerful coaching questions can fall into different categories based either on their form or their
content.

Another word of caution before we present a short list of powerful types of coaching questions: an
unknowing or beginning coach may take the following examples as a form of methodology and feel
that memorizing them and systematically serving them to clients will bring excellent results, only to
find out that is not the case. A truly powerful coaching question most often emerges in a coaching
relationship spontaneously, almost surprising the coach who has formulated it. For this magic to
happen, a strong client-coach relationship must already be established, resting on coaching silence
and presence, deep listening, and an intuitive perception of the client frame of reference. With that
in mind, the following types of powerful questions may emerge into the coach's awareness.

Indicators of Effectively Powerful Questions

Whenever clients are faced with a truly powerful question, their immediate reaction is silence,
bewilderment, and an obvious plunge into their inner quest. Consequently, if a client immediately
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responds to a coach question, the latter cannot be considered to be truly powerful. A poor question
may be off the subject, be considered as informative or superficial, have been improperly
formulated, be served at the wrong time or without the necessary emphasis, or again without
securing preliminary client attention.

Truly powerful coach questions elicit client deep silence.

Even when clients say "Wow, that is a good question!" the response could be considered to be a
social buffer that allows the client to avoid really plunging into their inner search.

Powerful questions stand alone.

In the course of a coaching sequence on a specific client issue, one truly powerful question served in
the proper way and at the right time should be more than enough to help a client really swerve,
totally change perspectives and find a host of new avenues to achieve success. Consequently, a
coach doesn't need to assail clients with a battery of questions. The more a coach serves questions
in the course of a work sequence, the less powerful each of the questions are. When one question
truly allows fundamental client progress, all that needs to follow is a gradual focus on options,
actions, deadlines, measures of results, and celebration. These preliminary precautions being
shared, we can now consider a partial inventory of theoretically powerful questions.

Hypothetical Coaching Questions

This is a major category of powerful coaching questions. The content of this type of question may
widely vary, but its form can easily be recognized. To be effective, this type of question is generally
served in two if/then parts. It first suggests a fictitious situation or context by which the clients are
first asked to change perspectives. After the clients have considered the new suggested point of
view, they are asked to consider a question centered on action.
Example:

If this professional situation was taking place in your family context, how would you describe it?”

Then (after a client description): Coming back to your professional issue, what are some new options
you could consider?

If a coach mixes the two questions, there is a high risk that these strategies become simple rhetorical
questions.

Example: “If this situation was happening in your family what options could you apply that could also
be implemented at work?”

Consequently in hypothetical questions, coaches need to give clients ample time to change
perspectives with a detailed description. Only then can clients move on to answer a more solution-
oriented question. The more a client can really elaborate on the new perspective, in this case, a
move into a more private sphere, the more a coach can ask practical questions on what can be done
considering the new client vision. If, as in the above example, the client does not have ample time
to elaborate the new proposed context, he or she will manifest difficulties in modifying their frame
of reference to envision new possibilities.

Consequently, hypothetical questions gain in effectiveness when they are really separated into two
clearly separated coach interventions.

Example:
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“If you were a 6-year-old child, how would you perceive the situation?”

(LATER) “What can you do tomorrow considering this very simple and clear perception?”

To illustrate a less effective hypothetical question, consider the following: "If you were ten years
older and had moved on to other challenges, how would you have solved this issue? Served in this
rhetorical way, the client is not given an opportunity to really move on and consider what life would
be like beyond the present challenge. The client has consequently not really changed perspective,
and still doesn't know what to do tomorrow.

In the course of the following presentation, a number of hypothetical questions will be covered. To
make them effective, professional coaches will always remember to serve the "if" question as a
separate piece of work from the following action-oriented "how" questions that should follow after
a complete client answer.

Ideal Solution Coaching Questions

To help clients think out of the box, simple coaching questions can suggest they dare to formulate
ultimately positive outcomes to i issues , problems and goals. Consequently, coaches can very
directly suggest that clients need to aim “strong”, “high” and “beautiful”. Some of these examples
fall in the category of hypothetical questions.

"What is your ideal outcome?"

"What is your best possible scenario?"

"If you really dared to formulate your deepest hopes, what would you say?"

"What is your ultimate possible goal?"

"In the best of all possible worlds, what would be your ultimate wish?"

"If the situation were perfect, what would it look like?"

"What is your highest possible goal? The one you wouldn’t even dare share with me."

Etc.

Magical Coaching Questions

A similar type of approach, also falling into the hypothetical-question strategy described above,
involves using magical, mythical, hero, or super powers:

"What would you if you had magic wand?"

"If you had a « genie » that could grant you three wishes, how would you go about solving this issue
to perfection?"

"What would your favorite hero (role-model, guru, etc.) do in this situation?"

"What would you do to make things right, if you had unlimited super powers?"

"If you consulted the old wizard (good witch) in yourself, what would he (she) say?"

"What would your best childhood friend suggest you could do?”

“What does your guardian angel (Jiminy Cricket, etc.) say about this?”
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Some means-oriented clients may argue that they do not have the magic wand or
superpowers. That needs to be supported by the coach. “Of course. I know! I’m saying IF you had
that means, what result would you want to achieve with it?”

This illustrates that this type of question suggests that clients focus on their desired results before
looking for the means to achieve them. Many clients put too much energy into means, or the lack of
means, when they have not really clearly defined a very motivating goal.

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TIME-SPACE TRAVEL QUESTIONS

As the above title indicates, many coach questions simply propose that clients mentally and
emotionally relocate in space or in time just long enough to envision their situation from a different
angle. The next step, of course, is to bring them back here and now in order to ask them what they
could do, considering their newly acquired perspective.

Zero Base Coaching Questions

This hypothetical approach consists in getting the client to erase history and personal involvement,
in order to reconsider a situation, a relationship or an issue as completely new and fresh. This
approach could be considered a reboot type of process.

If you started this project today, knowing what you know, what would you do differently?

If you just met the person now and wanted to ensure a totally different foundation for your
relationship, how would you start it today?

If you could erase all the history in this project and get off to a fresh start, how would you go about
it?

The coaching process following this initial question will consist in integrating the options to correct
the actual situation. Indeed, it is never too late to put things right, by setting better foundations.

Future Projection Coaching Questions:

Another creative hypothetical approach consists in asking clients to project themselves into the
future and imagine having totally solved their issue or achieved their goal. By this projection,
coaches first ask clients to describe the ideally solved situation or ambition achieved beyond
reasonable hopes, or totally successful outcome, or happily developed, relationship etc. Once
clients have finished sharing the details of this description, THEN the coach could ask how they got
there. This will serve to elaborate an action plan

If you project yourself several years forward and imagine the problem is totally solved. Can you
describe it. (THEN) What have you done to reach that satisfactory outcome?

Imagine yourself in five years when everything is exactly as you wish. How have you changed from
what you are today? (or) Can you describe your environment? (or) can you make an inventory of
your successes ?, (THEN) How have you achieved this?

Pretend that you have solved your issue in the most satisfactory possible way, what is the final
result?(or) Can you describe how you feel ? (THEN.) What did you do to get there?

In some cases, a future projection will serve to help the client look forward, farther in the future, to
consider other more important goals or ambitions.
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Imagine that you are six months down the road and that this problem is totally solved. It is out of
your hair and you are now free from all its consequences. Can you describe the situation?

(LATER) "Great! So from this place onwards, wht do you want to do with your next future?"

This strategy consists in helping clients focus on other more important ambitions or deeper personal
yearnings than the one they are focusing on, on the shorter term.

Here and Now Projection

Imagine that a client mentions having difficulty expressing an issue to a third party in their personal
or professional environment. The coach could immediately get the descriptive client into a more
active mode by saying:

”If this person was here right now, what would you say?”

"Here, the person is on the phone. What do you want to tell her?"

"The conference starts now. What do you say to begin it?"

Sometimes this strategy can be implemented by having the client address an empty chair in the
coaching environment, as if the third party were in that chair.

Sometimes, without inviting the absentee into the present, the coach could simply ask: “what do
you want to tell that person?” in order to trick the client into immediately formulating what he or
she claims is difficult to formulate. When the client is done expressing the words, the coach can
then say: “You just said what you want very clearly. It seems that you know exactly how to
formulate what you have to say.”

Inside out/ Outside in Coaching Questions

sResting on the perception principle that there is no "out there" out there, this questioning
approach consists in proposing that the client integrate what they perceive as external, or
externalize what they perceive as inside them.

“You say you are totally confused. Imagine you are actually very clear about the confusion that is
widespread in your environment, what is it like.” (THEN) “Considering your clarity on your
environment’s confusion, what do you need to do?”

“You have just described a truly wonderful place that seems to bring you so much peace, and helps
you really center. What if this place is actually inside of you, and you always had access to it, where
is it in you? (THEN) “Wherever you are, how would you remember to access it?”

Coaching Questions to Change Client Contexts

Based on the principle that clients could have similar behavioral patterns in different contexts, this
questioning approach consists in proposing that clients envision how the issue could be approached
in a really different environment.

What if this situation was not happening in your office setting, but at home, how would you deal
with it?

If this was not a personal finance issue, but a corporate problem. How would you solve it?

If this person were not a work colleague but your best personal friend, how would you tell her?
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If rather than in work, this was happening in a sports team, what could be a very effective solution
for you?

Space/Volume Mobility Coaching Questions

Similar to almost all of the above time-space types of questions, coaches can also suggest that
clients get up and/or physically move to consider i issues from a different angle or point of
view. This is the equivalent of suggesting a bird’s-eye view. It is possible to ask clients to get up, take
some distance and then look at “themselves” in their empty seat from afar. The coach can then ask:

“What is your perception of « her » problem?”

“What really original advice would you give” yourself?”

“What resource do you think « he » could use?”

“What obvious potential outcome is « she » not even considering”?”

“If you were “his” personal counselor, what would you say to help “him” out?”

Etc.

One active potential inherent in this type of geographical move is to get the client into action to find
new perspectives. This can be particularly useful for clients who appear to be "stuck" or paralyzed in
a situation from which they feel there are no "exit". Following this geographic maneuver, coaches
can also ask clients to resume to their original position on the empty seat and offer conclusions to
whatever perceptions or options were proposed, and then close in on suitable action plans and
deadlines.

This outside protection strategy can also be done with original, creative or humorous slants using
personal or ad hoc objects in the environment:

“What is your favorite book? Where is it? Now, what does that book think you should do?”

Your dog really pays good attention to you. From his “dog” position and if he could talk, what would
he say that you haven’t even considered?”

“If you were a fly on the ceiling looking at the situation, what strikes you as really surprising /funny?”

CLIENT RESOURCE INVENTORY

Coaching Questions on Past Strategies

In case of intense stress, confusion or despair, clients sometimes feel completely helpless, forgetting
how to use their own resources, usually available in more normal situations. A simple question can
allow these clients to refocus on their own known capacities and skills, thereby taking some distance
from the issue at hand.

Obviously, for more reserved or down to earth clients reluctant to let loose on their “free wheeling”
imagination, classical time-travel questions aim to make an inventory of strengths or strategies that
were successfully implemented in client pasts. Much in the same way as with the above
hypothetical questions, coaches will first ask that clients search within their past personal or
professional experience to dig up resources that were not perceived or considered useful to solve
the issue at hand.
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“Have you already faced similar situations (problems, types of people, apparently unattainable goals,
etc.) in your past ?

"(THEN) How did you go about implementing a successful outcome?”

With this type of question, coaches need to be attentive that their clients do not start giving lengthy
descriptions of their past issues, nor answer beside the question to justify their feelings of
incompetency by explaining that the past was fundamentally different.

If the client can only think of another equally negative situation with an undesirable outcome, the
coach can then say: "Good, considering your experience, what do you want to change to achieve a
more satisfactory outcome today?"

Resources perceived by the client environment

Another type of inquiry can concern client resources usually recognized by client friends and
family. A second, subsequent question can then bring the client to focus back onto their issue, with
less stress and more conscious of their intrinsic competencies that can allow positive outcomes.

“What are the qualities that your environment has always recognized you have?”

“What are the five main kills that people you know usually see in you?”

Once these qualities have been listed and detailed, the coach can ask the client: "How can you use
each of these qualities/skills in your current issue". This strategy to first help the clients refocus on
their intrinsic or recognized capacities and skills can help them self-validate their own inner power to
solve their problems and achieve their goals. In this way, clients often very simply realize that they
do have qualities that can help them pull through.

Resources self-perceived by the client

A slightly different and more direct approach for clients that undervalue themselves is to ask them
for their five main qualities. When each is named, the coach can ask for details and have the client
underline his of her own worth. The follow-up question is the same: “How can you apply your
qualities to succeed in you current situation?”

This is particularly useful approach for clients that tend to disqualify their capacities or under-
evaluate their worth.

Resources perceived by the coach

These questions concern resources perceived or intuited by the coach. This can even be done with a
humorous slant, knowing that any change in the client state will help provoke a change of
perspective. If the coach can get their clients to smile or laugh during the coaching process, they will
change their focus when they come back to consider their issue.

“How can you use your legendary: wry sense of humor/ ferociously feline reactivity/ seductively
feminine intuition (said to a man)/ obstinately knuckle-headed resilience/ in this situation?”

This strategy obviously rests on a strong coach-client prior relationship that can allow the coach to
perceive very real and useful client skills or resources. Note again here that the use of humor can
help change a client’s state of mind during the coaching process, and therefore in the subsequent
search for new options.

LOGICAL STRATEGY QUESTIONS

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In general, if a client is already very logical and linear in approach, a typical list maker of sorts, this
approach may just reinforce an already acquired skill. The following strategies could however be
very useful with clients that seem to proceed more emotionally, lack method, be overactive rather
than analytical, etc.

Mapping Coaching Questions

When clients are covering complex issues including a number of people, places, elements or items,
having them map out or symbolically draw these and their interconnections on a flip chart or paper
often does wonders. At some point, it is useful for the coach to ask the client to conclude the
drawing, take some distance from it and get a different perspective from a distance or different
angles. Coach questions concerning the relationships between the items, relevance of positioning,
significance of sizes, shapes and colors can often help the client discover new dimensions to an
apparently well-known situation.

In your team, who is the most reactive - the slowest? The most supportive - the most resistant? The
most stable - the risk taker? The most creative - the most predictable? The closest to you - the most
distant? The most rational - the most emotional? The most anchored in the past - the most open to
the future? Can you draw a map that positions all this information and other pertinent criteria that
you perceive illustrates the team’s full potential

(THEN) How can all these very diverse skills be used to help the team achieve great results?

Priority and Ordering Coaching Questions

Questions that ask the client to rank pertinent elements on a continuum, in a more linear fashion
than a mapping strategy. These questions are not necessarily creative, but can help a client get more
structure, order, or clarity. The ranking can be from the easiest to the most difficult, or from the
closest to the farthest, or from the most supportive to the most resistant, or again from the riskiest
to the safest or from the first to the last, etc. This type of ranking applied to priorities or time
management concerns can offer clients food for thought, insights and allow them to design more
order or structure in a project, program, management issue, etc.

One banal linear question consists in asking a progressing client: "On a scale from one to ten, where
do you perceive you stand today?" If the client should answer "Four", then the coach says, "Well,
how can you get to eight?". Very creative! How about asking "how can you get to fifteen? or how
can you get to a rainbow?... etc. Remember that powerful coaches are not just glorified project
managers!

Coaches could consider that these linear or structuring questions are not really very powerful when
served when clients are actions planning. They are useful only in that they are practical. They could
be much more fundamental when served to very confused or overwhelmed clients who need to get
more clarity in a situation they have difficulty handling. This gets us to powerful questions focused
on client emotions.

Neither nor Questions

Beware, however of linear thinking patterns. Many clients get stuck into thinking that the universe
is determined by black or white dynamics, stuck between either or, all or nothing. When they try to
evolve out of it, they choose to go for grey, for a halfway watered-down stance. Understandably,
those options are never very exciting. Useful coaching questions can propel the client into more
realistically complex thinking patterns. Consider the following:
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"You seem to think in terms of black and white. What would be a Technicolor view of your
situation’s options?”

“I perceive you as playing heads or tails between two options. If you rolled a dice instead, what
could be options corresponding to the six different faces of your dice?

More simply in simple logical terms, in all either-or situations, one can add both, or neither, or all of
the above, plus some more paradoxical questions, evoked further below.

QUESTIONS TO FOCUS ON ENERGY AND EMOTIONS

Coaching Questions to Refocus client Concerns

A coach can also test the principle that a train can always conceal another one, or that in coaching a
surface problem or issue could mainly serve the purpose of hiding another deeper and more
motivating concern. In this case a coach can ask questions to refocus client attention or energy on
completely different issues:

“If this apparent problem didn’t use up all your time and energy, what do you really want to do with
yourself and your life?”

“If you knew that this team situation was only there to divert your vital attention, towards what
really motivating collective would you direct all your team's energy?“

“If you didn’t spend so much time banging your head on the wall in front of you, where is the door
or window that opens towards your future?”

“Beyond all this information on a current issue, can you tell me, in one short sentence, what your
really fundamental life objective is,?”

Metaphorical Questions

This approach is kin to changing client contexts from home to office or from office to
sports. Whenever there is a possibility to change perspectives with a synthetic, creative or
humoristic metaphorical question, these can help change client energy and open new
perspectives. In many cases, these can also have a hypothetical question format:

"If your story was a comic strip, what hero are you portraying here?"

(THEN) "What would this character do in your situation today?

"If your office team was playing a theatrical or Broadway show, what is its title and theme?"

(THEN) "What winning lessons can you take from that show, to apply in your issue?"

In some cases, a coach perception could be thrown in to offer the client a more personal coach
input:

"If I may, I perceive you much like a Columbo character, very progressively, and indirectly preparing
a grand finale. What if you surprised yourself by immediately proceeding to that finale?

Emotions are to be considered as essential in most coaching situations and relationships. Emotions
energize. They are the fuel for motivation and motion. Of course all powerful coach questions
indirectly aim to increase client commitment to move forward with their lives, grow, act, develop,
etc. Some of the following illustrate more specific work to revive, activate and direct some of this
fundamental energy.
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Poetic Coaching Questions

Depending on the client's fields of interest and capacity to visualize, some coaching questions can
appeal to other senses to create a very effective break in client frame of reference and strategy.
Consider the following examples:

"It feels as if you are stubbornly struggling uphill hardly making any progress. How can you
change your process to make it a smooth and very enjoyable downhill ride, like on a ski slope?"

"I have the impression your progression is like wading waist-deep in a muddy marsh. What would
you do if you were a butterfly dancing in the clouds?"

"Your reactive strategy sounds as subtle as that of an impatient rhinoceros. How would you go
about doing this if you were as light as a feather?"

When this type of question is served to unsuspecting linear and methodic clients, they can create
wonders, opening completely different fields of awareness.

Essential Motivation-focused Coach Questions

In the same direction, a very simple question focused on revealing client fundamental motivations
can help them re-center their energy on deeper aspirations. These are too often dimmed by more
superficial everyday preoccupations. Asking the same question a number of times may also get the
client to delve deeper to find a more personal answer.

“What do you really-really want?

A coach may ask this twice or three times, no matter the answer, emphasizing a different word:
“What do you really-really want?” or “What do you really-really want?” or “What do you really-really
want?” With such different emphasis, this question is actually very different!

“What are your deepest hopes for your longer-term future?”

“What are your most fundamental motivations in life?”

As mentioned above, when this type of question is really considered by clients, they usually tend to
be silent for a long time. Obviously, the coach should not interrupt that silence.

Coaching Questions on the Positive Dimensions of Emotions

Based on the principle that all emotions are useful in that they each serve to awaken positive
strategies, these questions help client go beyond just feeling so-called negative emotions. They help
client focus back to movement, solutions and actions.

“If your anger or rage was actually excellent fuel to get you moving in this situation, what would be
the most effective way to direct its energy to achieve your goal?”

“If your fear was just there to make sure you stayed aware of possible risks. If it served to make you
very cautious or vigilant, so you stayed on your toes, how can you use it as a very useful indicator to
proceed very carefully and safely?”

“If your sadness was an excellent indicator that it is high time you really took care of yourself and of
your own personal needs, what do you need to do to really take care of yourself? And that is a very
high priority!”

Start Small Coaching Questions

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With some fear-stricken or paralyzed clients who perceive their goals or issues to be insurmountable
or much too « huge » to face, reassuring strategic questions can suggest that the client cut the
« problem pie » into much smaller chunks. Likewise, when great fear limits a client's capacity to act,
focusing on initiating very small immediate actions can also be much easier to consider.

This coaching strategy amounts to suggesting a very progressive approach, one very little step at
time, made up of much smaller, easier and manageable sequences that cannot fail. The
fundamental objective of this strategy is actually to get the client moving out of paralysis and get
some momentum.

«What can be your first smallest step in the right direction? »

« What is a first easy act that can get you started down the right path? »

« Now if you cut up your challenge up into ten equal pieces, what first obvious chunk can you could
consider facing right away?»

« What is the first smallest possible immediate change for you?»

This type of first-small-step strategy can also be quite salutary with all-or-nothing clients that tend to
set themselves unrealistic goals in order to rapidly get dissatisfied with their dismal results. Starting
slowly and surely can help them build more solit foundations from which they can then grow taller.

Obviously, this is not to be used a habitual or ritual strategy to serve to all clients, as some very
protective coaches may think. Many clients are actually ready to go much faster than one very small
step at a time.

Worst Scenario Coaching Questions

In some rare coaching situations, a relatively paradoxical and somewhat surprising questioning
strategy consists in asking clients to proceed with an approach opposite to one that would normally
be considered coaching “common sense”. With this type approach, some overwhelmed clients
sometimes come to the awareness that their worst possible scenario is already at hand and that
things can only get better. Sometimes, also, by considering really “negative” options, new positive
or constructive strategies suddenly come to mind.

“What is your most catastrophic option?”

“If the situation became as dramatic as possible, what would it be like?”

“If you wanted to fail every inch of the way, how would you go about it?”

"If it was your goal, how would you go about provoking your whole team to turn against you?”

Note however, that although having clients imagine their most negative scenarios may sound
creative to some coaches, good coaching would cut directly to positive, constructive, motivation and
useful steps to implement, in order to immediately work on success strategies. In effect, the worst
possible scenario approach can be considered useful only if the coach is rather convinced that the
client is already there and nothing could possibly go worse.

Weakest Link Questions

This type of question is particularly useful when clients are done elaborating an apparently solid
action plan. In order to help them review their plan to double-check for possible dangers and build
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in secure options. This weakest link question is also often useful when the client has some extra time
to make sure all is solid:

If one person/team/department in this program could need a little more attention than the others,
to make sure that there are no hitches, who or where would that be?

If your proposal was to fail because of one apparently minor detail on which you could focus a little
more, which one would that be?

If one wanted to block this project at the most appropriate time, when would be the best period?

Obviously, these questions set the stage for some follow up with a plan to make sure the weak link
becomes as strong as all the others segments of the planned actions or programs. Obviously also,
the weak link is not tailored to focus the client on possible scapegoats, but rather to allow the client
to consolidate possible weak areas.

Another article to read about the systemic dimensions of coaching

PARADOXICAL QUESTIONS AND STRATEGIES

The following questions rest on much less common logic. They are particularly useful to serve to
linear, logical or Cartesian clients in order to help them embrace the more subtle complexities of
life. These questions rest on such philosophical stances as nothing is either good or bad, positive or
negative, difficult or easy, either or, etc. everything is both.

Reverse Client Affirmations

This questioning strategy suggests that all apparent « problems » are in fact great
opportunities. And all apparent crisis situations introduce healthy necessary change, all apparent
problem partners in one’s life also offer opportunities for growth or learning challenges all that
creates disorder and disruption in a well-planned life is the result of a very positive life force that
one has not yet recognized. Etc.

Consider the following coaching questions:

“What would you do if this apparently difficult problem was really an opportunity for you to start
considering very important changes in your life?”

“How could you react to this apparently « negative situation » if it was really a solution to a lot of
your problems?”

“What do you need to start changing in yourself to welcome this apparently disruptive event, in the
positive way it really deserves?”

“If this problem was actually an opportunity for you to grow, what would you start changing in
yourself?”

“How is this problem person offering you an opportunity to learn something very important about
yourself?”

“How is this fault also a very useful quality?”

“How could this setback actually be a blessing?”

Paradoxical Coach Questions

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Some strategic questions can be thrown out just simply to create confusion or to completely
reshuffle apparent client certainties. This rests on the principle that real creativity comes out of
confusion, or that no really innovative answer can come out of any very neatly organized
context. Consequently these questions serve to provoke new client mental patterns by initiating a
form of temporarily chaos:

“What is the obvious common denominator to all your apparently different options?”

“What is the complete opposite of all your mutually exclusive options?”

“How are all your different alternatives really very similar in essence?”

Note that when coaches ask this type of questions, they may not have any precise idea as to the
client response that may follow. By serving those questions, the coach is often attempting to
interrupt too linear or too logical a client process. These questions serve to provoke mental
disruption and send the client spinning in a different, stranger orbit, away from obvious certitudes.

Consequently, if following one of these questions, a client suddenly changes expressions, the coach
can simply stay silent until a new perspective takes shape up and is offered as an option for
exploration.

On a different level, paradoxical questions also challenge a client’s thinking patterns. Very often, for
instance, all of one client's options do have a common denominator. That client could very well start
wondering what could be the opposite of some of his or her basic assumptions. So paradoxical
questions very often help clients open themselves wider, to embrace totally new perspectives.

Questions to Prescribe Client Symptoms

These are obviously paradoxical strategies, focused on increasing observed apparently ineffective
client behavior. Their originality lies in the fact that common sense could expect coaches to
accompany such behaviors in the opposite direction, towards an established social standard. Doing
the exact opposite leaves the client more responsible about what they want to do with their own
behavioral evolution.

For a slow client: "Have you considered progressing very slowly, as a general strategy?"

For a very stressed client: "How would you behave if you were stressed in everything you do?"

For an obviously angry client: "Have you considered becoming irritated about the situation, and
expressing it?"

For a rebellious client: "Have you considered what it would be like to be totally non compliant in
your situation?"

Coach Questions to Support Client Interactive Strategies

When clients seem to be passive, very slow, with low energy or at a standstill, many coaches may
take on the responsibility to pull the client, push, urge, offer questions, accelerate, or motivate. A
paradoxical strategy could consist in asking:

"What if it was really urgent for you to do nothing and wait it out?" or

"Suppose that you change nothing for the next five years, how do think the situation will evolve, all
by itself?”
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Proposing passivity and inaction to a slow moving client may indeed be an effective option. The
client is left with the responsibility to decide to wake up and act, or to decide to let go, build a plan
to adapt to an unchanging situation, and then and go on to other issues and projects. This strategy is
very useful for some coaches that tend to feel the urge to carry client responsibility for what the
coach considers to be a good outcome.

This type of paradoxical strategy can also very useful during a coaching session:

"It’s great if you say nothing” to a silent client

“It’s important for you to take your time” to a slow client

“You can voice your anger as much as you want here” to an enraged client

Etc.

If nothing else, this will help remind the coach to accept the client as he or she is.

Coach Questions To Eliminate The Problem

The objective of this approach is to help clients focus on fundamental objectives or deeper
motivations, rather than waste time solving more superficial issues. The underlying principle is that
the more one focuses on issues, difficulties and problems to solve, the more these seem to appear in
order to occupy one, full time. The more one focuses on motivating projects, ambitions and
enlightening experiences the more these seem to start filling one’s life. It is a matter of choice as to
where clients (and their coaches) want to put their energy.

"If this situation were to disappear out of your life, just by magic, towards what fulfilling
project/ambition/adventure would you put all of your vital energy?"

"If this problem just evaporated into thin air, what would you really want to do with your life?"

If some clients did not indeed have problems to keep them occupied full time, day in and day out,
what great ambition would they want to set out to achieve?

SYSTEMIC COACHING QUESTIONS

These are sometimes called "circular" questions in reference to the principle of circularity in systems
or also reflexive or recursive questions for their indirect effect on the client environment or on
others present in the same room. These questions are powerful if successfully asked when coaching
within structured systems such as within families, within teams or networks.

The powerful nature of circular questions rests on their capacity both to provoke an awareness of
complex collective interactions and to stimulate the transformation of formal systems. To be
effective, these questions

Are often put to one precise person in the presence of all the other members of a system, and

Concern information or behaviors that one person perceives concerning another or the rest of the
team or family members.

Examples:

"Bob, can you tell me what would be the indirect or collateral objectives of this team coaching
process if they were formulated by Jim, your leader here?"
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"Michael, when your team leader manifests impatience during your team meetings, who do you
perceive is the first team member to acknowledge that and offer support?"

When your executive assistant expresses personal stress due work overload within the team, which
team is the first team member to express understanding? Which team member will first help to look
for solutions?"

"Brenda, when it is time for the team to get focused on a new project, who are the usual three most
motivated volunteers?"

"Susan, who are the two team members most likely to disagree with each other during meetings, no
matter the issue or the subject at hand?"

"David, who do you think benefits most from this collective focus on George as the designated team
scapegoat?"

This type of systemic question can be asked to any one member of a team, in a collective
setting. They can also be put to an individual client during a one-on-one coaching sequence. In this
case, the question would have less of a "circular" effect on the surrounding system. Similar to the
Mapping Questions mentioned above, these could still be asked to help individual clients better
perceive their environment's influence when focusing on problem resolution or when achieving
objectives.

In your family environment, who is the person who will support you most actively and
unconditionally during this coming personal transition?"

When your Operational VP focuses on obtaining better results, what exactly does your financial VP
do to support that effort?"

On whom can you count most for support in the external environment of your team, when you are
experiencing internal difficulties?"

Numerous sub-categories of such circular or systemic questions take into account some of the
criteria exposed earlier in this article. They can be centered on problems or on solutions, on the
past or on the future, on behaviors or on values, be neutral or directed, etc. Their powerful nature
principally resides in their capacity to center the individual or collective client on developing an
awareness of potential interfaces between all the actors within a precise system or in the larger
general environment.

Coaching Questions to Help Face the Coach-Client Relationship

Note that if clients often serve their coaches with problems or issues originating from their personal
or professional lives, the coach-client relationship also offers numerous indicators on the quality of
relationships and processes that these client implement within those other environments. To be
more precise, in the relationship with their coaches, clients unknowingly or unconsciously “transfer”
relational reflexes and behaviors habitually implemented in their “other” personal and professional
environments. To add to this phenomenon, coaches also participate in those client patterns.

To offer some common examples,

Clients who have emotional issues with sadness, anger or fear for example, will display these same
emotions in their relationship with their coach.
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Clients who wish to work out « time management » issues will often play out the same behavior
with their coaches, coming or calling late to coaching meetings, or rescheduling numerous meetings
for invariably « urgent » reasons. Their coaches may also have the same or very complementary time
management issues.

Clients who have little respect for the needs of others in their work or home environments often
consider that their coaches should be available ‘round the clock', or at a needle’s drop. Their coaches
may also be facing the same i issues elsewhere, having difficulty to set limits.

Clients who spend time catering to other people's needs, fearing negative judgment or rejection may
implement similar relational processes with their coaches, for the same reasons. And their coaches
may fit in very well with very complementary pleasing behaviors.

Some questions suggest that clients make parallels between their work issue and real occurrences
that have taken place within the coach-client relationship. These questions may accelerate work on
a central issues by helping both coach and client focus on the “real” relationship in which they are
both participating.

“Are you conscious that this issue has also occurred between us, and that I have played into it?”

“How can your description of your boss also apply to me and to what I may occasionally do with you
or say to you?”

“How could our relationship be somewhat similar to the one you seem to have with this professional
partner?

A brief word of caution: if the coach-client relationship does not rest on a solid alliance or a high
level of complicity, this direct or somewhat “confronting” approach may jolt the client and provoke
defensive reactions. This is especially the case if the coach does not underline his or her own
responsibility in the process. It is consequently useful to formulate these questions in a way to
underline that the responsibility for the occurrences are totally shared both by coach and
client. This may call for some coach humility and transparency. But then, people often say that is
what coaching is about.

CONCLUSIONS

We hope that this article demonstrates that questioning skills in general and powerful questions in
particular deserve much more critical attention than they usually get. Through appropriate and
pertinent questions, coach objectives aime for nothing less than to provoke clients to step forward
and come to their own extraordinarily new and challenging personal and professional solutions.

In proper professional hands, powerful questions are both simple, and can be as precise as surgical
tools.

With very few powerful questions, a coach can allow clients to deploy unexpected potentials. This
done by providing an almost magical change of perspective.

Appropriately formulated powerful question can open unlimited horizons for client development
and growth.

Deep presence and listening in order to let emerge and then precisely serve simple, strategic and
powerful questions can make the difference between professional coaching and true coaching
mastery.
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This introductory and very partial inventory only begins to open the rich and creative field of
question structures and contents that coaches can deliver to their clients. We hope that this
presentation illustrates how appropriate and well formulated questions can provoke original work or
exploration on the outside edge of a given client frame of reference, in order to help them better
solve their own problems to achieve much greater ambitions.

We will underline again, that the questions above are just illustrations of the one question
that could be appropriately served to one client, at an appropriate time in a coaching
sequence. They are in no way a set or procedure of questions to systematically test with all clients,
without careful listening and discrimination. True coaching is the art of asking the one pertinent
question, and then giving the client all the necessary space and time to work with it, all the way to
achieve complete and very practical, measurable client success.

Copyright 2008. www.metasysteme.eu Alain Cardon

Look at the humor in it: Coaching is a two-way competition in a a win-win version of the game of
"Stupid" (Games People Play by E. Berne).
Intrinsically smart clients come to coaches and pretend not to know how to solve their own issue or
how to achieve their own goals. Coaches accompany these clients by pretending that they know even
less, and have absolutely no option to offer.
If coaches are really good at knowing less than their clients, these end up by solving their own issues.
So I am a well-trained Master in playing "Stupid". Very humbling.

„Am impresia că îndată ce am să îndrept ca lumea cuiele, o să ştiu la ce îmi sunt de folos.”

DE CE NU FUNCTIONEAZA COACHINHUL ORGANIZATIONAL?

 Piatra/caine – diferenta sisteme mecanice/vii. Organizatii – sisteme vii.

 Teoria sistemelor: functia principala a unui sistem este reproducerea lui in timp. De aici nevoia de a pastra
status-quo-ul.
 Agenda ascunsa:
o A organizatiei: pastrarea propriului FOR: organizatia canalizeaza angajatul spre coaching (P)
crezand ca are nevoie de o schimbare pe care nu poate sa o faca singur (V)
o A clientului: sa schimbe FOR al organizatiei. Propriul FOR ii ofera definiri interne referitoare la
schimbarile "bune" pentru organizatie.
 Contractele psihologice:
o ULTERIOR: intelegere intre organizatie si coach pentru mentinerea status-quo-ului.
o INCERC SA ...: angajatul incearca sa produca schimbarea dar nu reuseste, organizatia se
multumeste cu incercarea si cu nereusita.
o SA NU ...: cresterea eficientei personale ca parte a autonomiei personale a angajatului intra in
conflict cu asteptarile si valorile organizatiei. Cresterea respectului de sine este contrara
dorintelor organizatiei, care vrea identificarea cu sarcina.
o NU POT: reversul celui de mai sus din p.d.v. al angajatului: angajatul isi asculta instinctul de
supravietuire in organizatie. Poarta de scapare: "Nu stiam ca..."
 Competentele:
o Coachului
o Angajatorului
 Frica de schimbare
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 Refuzul de a gandi cauzat de educatie si cultura organizationala. Ruperea simbiozei

E drept că am o obiecţie de principiu faţă de ideologia „gîndirii pozitive”. Genul

de sfaturi „înţelepte”, care ne invită, prin edulcorate discursuri „prieteneşti”, să
„surîdem vieţii”, să vedem „partea plină” a paharului, să refuzăm amocul şi
melancolia mi se par o coreografie de tabloid. Vorba lui Peter Esterhazy:
gîndirea pozitivă este opusul gîndirii. A te purta ca şi cum viaţa e o paşnică
livadă înflorită e a te muta, nătîng, într-o utopie. Umorul e bun, preţuirea bunei-
dispoziţii e legitimă, dar adoptarea necondiţionată a unui perpetuu şi bovin surîs
e o formă de insuficienţă mentală, o fandoseală evazionistă, un moft, o filozofie
de midinete. A. Plesu

Professional coaches know that listening skills and silences usefully create open spaces
for clients and partners to explore, expand, create and become. Listening and silences
are often good indicators of a productive dialogue.

Interrupting skills, however, are also of the utmost importance. Interruption is needed
when facing obsessionally unproductive behaviors. They aim to stop reiterated
strategies pushed by stuck individuals, repetitiously failing strategies enacted by groups
and leaders.

Consider indeed that useless circular behaviors, excessively limiting frames of

reference, totally predictable thoughts and actions that relentlessly lead towards the
same unsuccessful results desperately need to be interrupted.

 When these interruptions bring change, they are said to take courage. When they
don't achieve such liberating outcomes, they are considered to be disruptive.

So knowing how to really interrupt can be salutary. Interruptions first provide new space
and silence. They offer us the option to stop just filling our lives with the same old
patterns of thinking and behaving. They suggest we delve deeper, in order to make room
for real innovations to emerge.

Obviously, interruptions should not be immediately followed by contrary options, counter

arguments, rebuttals or escalation into other predictable loops that feed ongoing
discussions. Interruptions are to be followed by silence.

 The etymology of the word interrupt means to break in the middle. Interruptions
are therefore stand-alone proposals, opportunities for disruption.

To offer a simple and practical example, the need for this article has been present to me
for at least twenty-four hours. But I have had many other occupations or
preoccupations. As a matter of fact, I am typically a totally preoccupied person. Even
doing nothing is a form of occupation I enjoy. Consequently, to find the time to write an
article, I first have to interrupt all my other activities.
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_ »May I interrupt? »

I first have to stop everything to make new space: then sit down and write. This creates
an uncomfortable void: a blank page, unclear direction, mental chaos. In this void lurks
my shadows and doubts, my endless questioning. Interruption disrupt. Then, slowly,
painstakingly, I may start writing a few words. They become a phrase. Another phase
follows. Gradually, I find momentum. Maybe an optional direction will emerge. A
paragraph follows another, and a new text or maybe an innovative article can slowly
surface. This creative process very gradually fills the empty space initially created by my
interruption.

If we don’t first interrupt our routines, innovation is impossible.

On the international scene, the profound nature of the recent Brexit vote and US
elections could be perceived as major interruptions. They obviously cause
disruption. This is not our first warning. Prior smaller-scale interruptions were called the
Arab Spring, Occupy Wall-Street, the Indignados on Piazza del Sol, the Icelandic bailout
refusals, etc. For years now and world wide, endless calls for a necessary interruption
have been voiced by grassroots movements. The most destructively disruptive is
probably ISIS.

In the West, mainstream party politicians, the establishment, the elites, have just not
been heeding. In the past ten years, beyond Labour and Tory, Republicans and
Democrats, military and religion, all forms of exit votes and actions have repeatedly
aimed to interrupt established politics, controlling centralized administrations, top-down
militarism, colonialist exploitation of the masses.

 More than for change within the same logic, these apparently unpredictable and
uncontrollable grass-root uprisings and votes have relentlessly called for game-
changing options and solutions.

Today, a majority of western electors just want to put a stop to promises they have heard
before. They are tired of seeing and hearing the same copy-paste ruling dynasties,
media, political parties, financial interests, etc. all reiterate a similar frame of reference
while pretending to aim for innovative results.

Loud and clear, voters are saying: _ « May I interrupt?... Stop talking down, stop taking
up all the space and start listening! You need to reconsider. Start listening to us and to
our real needs in this fast-changing world. »

Ironically, both the Boris Brexit and Trump votes have taken the right-wing winners by
surprise. Both the Tories and the Republicans were very far from expecting such an
interrupting outcome. Now that it is here, both really don't know what to do. In fact
Western conservative parties are just as interrupted as their Labour and Democrat
bedfellows. Who really knows how to deal with a Brexit or with a wild Trump card? In
both cases, the political game is now poised for radical change. Everyone has to hustle
to create a new game. For indeed, the old one has been interrupted.

Note in passing that the US Democrats missed their opportunity for disruption. They
refused to allow space for their own trump card represented by Bernie. Bernie also,
 104

wasn’t strong enough to disrupt the Democrat machine. The way Donald maneuvered to
undermine the Republican establishment.

 Consequently today, Trump and Bernie could be rather obvious game-changing

allies!

So the the Arab Spring movement has finally hit the Western World in a big way. One
country at a time, notice the domino effect. Gradually, predictably, we are all going to
stand interrupted.

NOW WHAT?

Voids are there to be filled. The Icelandic experience illustrates a possible courageous
game-changing process:

 A temporary shutdown from the international scene.

 An internal crackdown on all corrupt political and financial profiteers.
 Several years of painful economic downsizing in order to find a new sustainable
economic foundation.
 An ongoing search for innovative options to define a new social contract, a
political system really run by the people. Almost a new constitution!

Very often, however, chaos comes first.

Previous Arab Spring movements illutrate other options. The void can rapidly be filled by
extremist whiplashes in various forms violence. Military crackdown and/or religious
fanaticism are two ways to reinstate historical feudal power and quell uprising
aspirations. Clearly reactionary, this is just more of the same thing, an extreme form of
escalation within the same right-left self-destructive polarity. Not a game changing
option. Just temporizing and quite bloody.

In politically polarized western systems such as Greece, maybe Spain, street riots, labor
unions revolts and grass-root upheavals regularly flare in the face of proposed
government solutions. Even when the latter could be planting seeds for innovative
futures. Not enough dialogue in a consistently top-down approach pushed by
technocrats may be the reason.

In other centralized Western ex-colonialist countries, witness England, France, the US,
rampant racial intolerance and xenophobia directed against handy scapegoats. Violence
can surface with a vengeance. Should this take place in gun-toting populations such as
in the US, we can expect quite a heavy death count.

Social and political interruptions are also felt as personal and internal. Individuals feel
anger and confusion, sadness, regrets, fear, sometimes panic. These are all predictable,
maybe necessary emotions when real interruptions provoke disruption. This is how we
handle separation and mourning processes in our lives. Consequently, these emotional
reactions are clear indications that we could all be moving towards radical shifts in
perspectives, in world-views, in frames of references.

Social and economic chaos creates both uncertainty and opportunity.

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We always need the courage to move forward, of course. For indeed, out of chaos can
arise new life, unforeseeable opportunities, real innovation. Consider several useful
strategies to be deployed:

 One needs to be extremely attentive to details in order to separate real

information from noise, to feed positive future-oriented solutions, to avoid giving
in to the « dark side of the Force ».
 Anger is extremely powerful energy that can be quickly wasted when directed
against an opponent. This just serves to fortify the opponent! All personal and
collective energy needs to be clearly, firmly, relentlessly directed to achieve win-
win-win sustainable solutions.
 As one moves on, fear indicates the need to proceed slowly, cautiously, one
small step at a time, never loosing sight of the inner direction of the longer-term
horizon.
 Feelings of sadness indicate the need to take excellent care of ourselves and of
each other. This needs to be done collectively, humanly, tenderly, respectfully.
 Learning to accept complexity is the foundation of inclusive dialogue. Avoid
simplistic solutions pushed by convinced, inspirational, messianic leaders. that is
not game-changing

Of course proceeding with joy is an excellent indicator that we are on the right path.

LIFE COACHING has emerged in the past 20 years as a new profession that straddles a middle zone
between the work of a psychologist and a really good friend.

Anyone can be a life coach as long as they call themselves one. Unlike therapists, coaches don’t
diagnose or treat anything. And unlike supportive friends, they charge you money to listen.

Coaches are part of a movement of self-improvement: learn to bake, get in shape, achieve your life
goals. Their websites often boast taglines about “achieving your authentic self” or “achieving
miracles”, as if working with them will move you to another plane. They sub-specialize in everything
from the very personal (such as helping people get over a messy divorce) to the professional (helping
executives make decisions and run companies better).

Most realistic goals that people set would require three to nine months of coaching sessions to
achieve, says McAuliffe. A life coach acts as a “mirror” that reflects people’s patterns to help make
them more aware of what they are doing in their lives, said McAuliffe. They also help a client stay
motivated and see that an obstacle is not insurmountable, he explains. When it comes to business
coaching, “for most people that are ascending in their careers there are fewer people that you can
speak with honestly who have no agenda. Speaking truth to power is not welcome in most
organizations these days.”

life coaching is a “partnership to hold [clients] accountable”. Ziev likens a coaching session to an
“archeological dig” to find the limiting beliefs of a client that prevent them from moving forward,
which she then helps them learn to contain.

social media and the need to keep up is part of the reason life coaches have become popular.
“Facebook and Instagram have become the place to showcase one’s ‘best version’, packaged for
public consumption. Many of my clients expressed their angst of ‘falling behind’ because their
friends constantly post photos of weddings, babies, parties and exotic trips,” she explains.
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No One Can Think Outside the Box

Taxi services think inside a box. So did Blockbuster. So does Microsoft.

But here’s the thing. Uber, Netflix, and Apple also think inside boxes. So do you. So do I.

A box is a frame, a paradigm, a habit, a perspective, a silo, a self-imposed set of limits; a box
is context and interpretation. We cannot think outside boxes. We can, though, choose our
boxes. We can even switch from one box to another to another.

Boxes get dangerous when they get obvious, like oft-told stories that harden into cultural
truth. Letting a box rust shut is a blunder not of intention but of inattention.

Boxes are invisible until we look for them. Let’s look.

I’ve used the financial-history exercise in my corporate workshops on strategic thinking and
in my classroom. I’ve observed that most people dive immediately into the numbers when I
ask them whether they’d invest now. A cautious or suspicious few ask due-diligence
questions.

Almost no one questions whether those numbers are appropriate for the decision at hand.
They silently adopt the supreme box of the corporate world: the financial-accounting view of
the company.

I am not saying that a neat tabular arrangement of money over time is inherently right or
wrong. I am saying that it is unwise not to notice what analytic framework you choose to
answer a question. Did the handy financial-accounting box keep you from noticing that I’d
said nothing about the company’s market position, customer preferences, cost structure, and
much more? Did a box stop you from refusing to make an investment decision based solely
on the financials?

The company is Enron.

Whatever the company, the numbers and insights inside one box don’t include the numbers
and insights from other boxes.

Agility is much in demand. It doesn’t, or at least shouldn’t, merely mean hair-trigger reflexes.
Something happened! Do something, quickly!
Agility means doing something smart, quickly. Here are some get-smart-fast methods I’ve
learned while war-gaming and simulating Fortune 500 companies. Each of them involves
noticing and switching boxes.
 Role-play your competition. Prior to a war game, a company believed its planned price cut
would work because its competitor couldn’t afford to match it. It changed its mind when its
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own people, role-playing the competitor, discovered they couldn’t afford not to match the
price cut.
 Reverse the labels. You can get an extra kick out of SWOT (strengths, weaknesses, opportu-
nities, and threats) analysis. When you’ve completed the lists in each category, reverse the
labels. See how thinking grows when strengths become weaknesses (and vice versa) and op-
portunities become threats (and vice versa).
 Resist the urge to converge. A company faced several competitors, restive customers, and
government regulations in flux. In a 15-minute exercise we determined there were millions of
possible scenarios ahead. That dispelled the notion that they could plan for “the” future.
 Assume the presence of intelligent life. People often say “they were stupid to do X” when
they see X lead to an unhappy outcome. I ask “why would a smart person do X?” I don’t
mean that the person was necessarily smart, or that I agree with them; but it’s dangerous to
assume bad outcomes meant that decision-makers were stupid. They might know something
you don’t.
Thinking that you must act outside the box is also a box. My colleagues and I worked with a
Fortune Global 50 company that had come up with a revolutionary change to its product. The
change had passed every internal review. The company wanted one last test, a quantitative
(simulation-based) war game, before they launched the revolution.
The simulation showed their revolution would work beautifully… as long as competitors
didn’t mind. (Notice that such a possibility wouldn’t occur to companies in a Figure 1 box or
even in a customer-research box. That’s why it’d passed the internal reviews.) Spending a
little time thinking inside competitors’ boxes revealed that the revolution would trigger the
equivalent of nuclear war. The company canceled the revolution.
So, don’t ask how you can think outside the box. Ask how many boxes you can think inside.
Then, dive in. The revelations are fine.

Resistance to Guidance: Why Sales, Coaching, and

Leadership Practices Falter
Submitted by Sharon Drew Morgen on Monday, 23 March 2015

Do you know what’s stopping you or your company

from making the changes necessary to have more success? Or why prospects aren’t buying
something they need? Or why clients aren’t adopting the changes they seek? The problem is
resistance. And as change agents we’re inadvertently creating it.
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Change requires that a complacent status quo risk its comfort for something unknowable –
the probable loss of narrative, expectations, habitual activities and assumptions with no real
knowledge of what will take its place. People don’t fear the change; they fear the disruption.

THE STATUS QUO OF THE SYSTEM

To understand why our status quo is tenacious we must understand systems. Simply, a system
– for the sake of this article families, corporations, or individuals – is
1. a collection of policies, beliefs, agreements, goals and history, uniquely developed over
time, which
2. embrace uniform rules that are
3. recognized and accepted by all and
4. constitute the foundation of all decisions.

Because of the law of homeostasis (simply, all systems seek stability) any change potentially
disrupts the status quo and will be resisted, even if the ‘new’ is more effective; even if the
system seeks the change; even if the persuader is skilled at persuasion tactics.

Until or unless a system is able to shift its rules so that the new product, idea or
implementation has the ability to fit in and new rules are adopted that reconfigure the status
quo from within, change faces an uphill battle. The system is sacrosanct.

To get folks to change their minds or accept a solution and avoid resistance, it’s necessary to
first
*help the system discover the differences between the new and the old,
*help the system discover the details of the risk,
*facilitate an acceptable route to managing the risk,
*facilitate buy-in from the right people/elements
regardless of the efficacy of the proposed change or the need.

OUR GUIDANCE PUSHES AGAINST STABLE SYSTEMS

Entire fields ignore these change management issues to their detriment:

– the sales model fails 95% of the time because it attempts to push a new solution into the
existing status quo, without first facilitating a buyer’s non-need change issues;
- coaches end up needing 6 months with clients to effect change as they keep trying to push
new behaviors into an old system – and then blame clients for ’not listening’ or believing
they have the ‘wrong’ clients;
– consultants and leaders have a high rate of failed implementations as they attempt to push
the new into the old without first collaboratively designing new structures that will accept the
change.

Persuasion and manipulation tactics and guidance strategies merely push against a stable
system. As outsiders, it’s unlikely we can acquire the historic knowledge and consensus from
all relevant insiders, or design the new rules for systemic change, for our ideas or solutions to
gain broad acceptance throughout the system.

We can, however, facilitate the system in changing itself. Then the choice of the best solution
becomes a consequence of a system that is ready, willing, and able to adopt excellence.
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Obviously, having the right solution does not cause change: pitching, suggesting, influencing,
or presenting before a system has figured out how to manage change is not only a time waste,
but causes resistance and rejection of the proposed solution. So all of our logic, rational, good
content, reasoning, or persuasion tactics are useless until the system is ready. Facilitate
change first, then offer solutions in the way that the system can use it.

The question is: do you want to place a solution? Or expedite congruent change?

LISTENING FOR SYSTEMS; FACILITATING CHANGE

For the past 30 years I have designed unique models that facilitate change from the inside.
Used in sales, and now being used in the coaching industry, my Buying Facilitation® model
offers a unique skill set that teaches systems how to change themselves, and includes
listening for systems rather than content, and a new way to use questions (Read Dirty Little
Secrets). But whether you use my model or develop one of your own, you must begin by
facilitating change, not by attempting to first ‘understand need’ or place a solution or idea.

I’m suggesting that you change your accustomed practices: the idea of no longer listening for
holes in a client’s logic to offer guidance goes against the grain of sellers, coaches, and
consultants. By listening for systems, by focusing on facilitating change and enabling
consensus and change management, change agents are more likely to sell, coach, and
implement.

I’ve written a new book (What?) to help you hear what others are really saying rather than
just what you want to hear. I’ve made it free: www.didihearyou.com. Read it, and then let’s
start a conversation. Let’s begin to think of managers, sellers, leaders, and coaches as true
consultants who can hear what their clients mean. Let’s add a few facilitation skills and be
the agents of real change with integrity.

The Curiosus Questioning

In any coaching fundamentals we speak about listening, questioning,

exploring, planning – as steps for GROWing

What is the role of curiosity - if any - in there?

Here we are a definition at the hand:

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Curiosity (from Latin curiosus "careful, diligent, curious,"

akin to cura "care") is an emotion related to
natural inquisitive behavior such as
exploration investigation, and learning,
evident by observation in human and many animal species. (wikipedia)

Curiosus, there fore, stands for careful!

The need of coaching emerges from the need of change something you are
stuck in – something you are unable to explore, to investigate, and to learn
from, to move forward: something you are unable to be curious about!

You do listening and questioning yourself, but is a false listening and

questioning because you know the answers when you put the question. It is
a false attention leading to a false presence - you are attentive not to be
present, in order to get your already done answer, which endorses your
already chosen attitude, which keeps you in your lousy but known situation.
It is a ”do not take my issue away!” strategy, I am not curious to learn
about..

A true question has its roots in the nurturing „I don’t know”-soil. It is

where the curiosity – the true care* about yourself – grows, and where
you GROW. (see the above definition).

The lack of practicing „natural inquisitive behavior” prevent you to applying

curiosity. In coaching session you learn how to remember* it (sic!), and
apply it. A coach’s very feature has to be curiosity - i.e. being in a state of
Awareness/attention, Consciousness, and Trust - toward the client, and
toward him self - for Performance, Learning, and Enjoyment, both the
client, and the coach. (the ACT &PLE triangles in Tim Gallwey's Inner
Game)

We use to be curious in childhood in the most authentic way, that's how

you grow, and get adult; remembering is a complex natural process, more
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or less active in each of us, and possible to be (re)activate - by each of us

(as Kierkegaard states for himself), or by having a support from a
professional, a Carl Rogers, for deep recurrent issues - or a coach, for
deep current issues.

It is often quoted Gregory Bateson: „I don’t know, but I am curious about!”

Curiosity – as an inherent human behavior, not as morbid intrusive attitude
towards others life – curiosity is the very fundamental of an authentic
relationship. Not only in coaching, but in any human interaction. Lets
imagine a husband-wife, a parent-child, an employee-manager, any two
person talking to each other. When someone put a question which answers
s/he already has in her/his mind the quarrel is in sight: any answer from the
other one is not good, because is not yours, the other one is clearly not
understanding you – is against you. Because you are not curious about that
person..

„There is no cure for love” – says Leonard Cohen. Indeed, love is curiosity -
for yourself and the other one. Only an endless curiosity seCUREs a living
„happy ever after” - with someone else as well as with yourself.

Practice curiosity! I am very curious about you doing that :)

And regarding Einstein, he prevents de-focusing as well : he was not only

''passionately curious'', but he also used to say “We are most productive
when we focus on a very small number of projects on which we can devote
a large amount of attention.”

((c) Magda Bunea; First published February 2011, on my blog

The Low Position Systemic

Coach Paradox
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Published on December 18, 2016 (Alain Cardon)

_“Client: What should I do?”

_“Coach: I really don’t know. What do you think?”

It is said that coaches never provide clients with answers, options or solutions.
Formally indeed, a coach is to accompany client process, not content. In this
context, the client is to initiate a personal dialogue, share and think out loud in
order to find and then implement his or her own emerging options and
solutions.

In order to let clients search for themselves, coaches are encouraged to

assume a sort of low, unassuming and not knowing position that leaves ample
space for clients to work for themselves. With the coach out of the way, clients
can then search for and find options, imagine innovative solutions, make
appropriate decisions and elaborate performing action plans.

In other words, coaches strategically use a not knowing posture in order to

leave ample space for clients to deploy their power and responsibility in their
work. Consequently coaches know to clearly demonstrate they don’t know in
order to allow clients to take full ownership of their situations and issues and
search for their own inner knowledge.

There may often be, however, a paradoxical hitch to this underdog

coach strategy.

Indeed:

 Knowing what one doesn’t know is called the Socratic paradox, and is
considered an ultimate form of knowledge.

In this light, firmly stating that one is ignorant in a given context can be
construed as a form of one-upmanship or power position. “I know that I don’t
know” is indeed a rather strong affirmation of knowledge!

 In effect, the apparently low coach position of ignorance is often

presented as one of strategic knowledge of non knowledge.

It is fostered as a conscious relational posture that aims to allow clients - if not

oblige them - to assume their own power within the shared knowledge void,
within the space of ownership or responsibility clearly relinquished by the
coach.

The underlying coaching power play

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At the onset of coaching relationships or shorter coaching sequences, clients

often attempt to pressure their coach into a more tangible expertise and
responsibility position. Clients indeed test their coaches. When coaches say
they don’t know, such challenging client attempts could be bluntly formulated
as:

 “What do you mean you don’t know? What am I paying for, if you
cannot help me with my issue?”

On a logical level, such a client response could well rest on the perception that
when coaches say they don’t know, they in fact have at least one idea of what
could be done. They are just holding back or faking a posture of
ignorance. They cannot not know anything at all!

Honestly, this is in fact often the case. Many coaches do think of options and
then brush them away as too simple, too obvious, probably inappropriate for
the client, etc. The truth is, they just do not share their otptions and cop out by
saying they don't know. How infuriating for clients!

More truthfully, coaches could admit thinking of obvious options that most
probably don’t apply. But coaches seem to be trained to say they don’t
know. They must not know. They have been taught that the coach position of
ignorance is indeed at the very foundation of the coaching relationship. At the
risk of taking too much responsibility, of thinking and searching for the client,
they know their not knowing position must not be relinquished.

Consequently, some coaching relationships can be defined as power games

where two partners compete for the lowest position:

 The not-knowing client initiates a relationship with a coach to seek

support, usually in order to achieve a goal or solve a difficult personal or
professional issue.
 To nudge the client out of any form of helpless or passive position, the
coach greets the client with a more professionally assumed and
sometimes affirmed not-knowing posture.

And the professional coach is supposed to win!

Interestingly, in this paradoxical win-lose not knowing game, the client must
lose to become empowered, or win. The power play is equivalent to what
could be called the common corporate delegation game:

 When employees ask their bosses for more specific direction, this can
be perceived as a strategy to delegate responsibility upwards. This
strategy aims to involve leaders in more and more over-detail, in more
micro management, and the result is less and less downward
delegation, less empowerment.
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 When leaders assume and say that they don’t really know, and ask their
employees to come forward with their best solutions, they are
delegating downwards. This obviously contributes to creating more
space for employee empowerment and ownership.

And professional leaders are also supposed to win the corporate not-knowing
game. That is a rather difficult posture for big egos.

Negative game payoffs

As it is defined above, a low-position or underdog arm-wrestling strategy may

often provoke dissatisfaction, impatience or anger for both coach and
client. Indeed, when some beginning coaches enact an underdog coaching
strategy by clearly stating their ignorance of viable solutions, clients may intuit
that it is just a technique, a relational power play. A closer look at linguistics
may even reveal obvious push back polarities. Some of these may be
explanatory or teaching strategies:

 Client: "What do you think I could do?"

 Coach: "It is not my role to provide answers. As a coach, my function is
to provide the space for you to find your own options," etc…

Such a teaching strategy focused on underlining what a coaching context

should be is obviously one of situational control. In effect the coach is defining
the context and asking the client to adapt. Not very empowering. And when
one is teaching, one is not a coach.

Other strategies can be perceived as non-committal push back comments or

questions:

 Client: "I don’t know what to do."

 Coach: "I don’t know either / What if you knew? / Who do you think is
responsible to find out? / What if you were your own coach? / Etc."

Linguistics may indeed quickly reveal fundamental attitude differences

between negative relational games and more positive win-win
partnerships. And clients catch on fast! In time, when such competitive
relationships or power plays get installed, it becomes more obvious that the
partners continue to play a low position game to arm wrestle with each other
rather than to grow together.

Options for systemic coach-client partnerships

Consider that a fundamentally not knowing posture is in fact an essential

systemic dimension of what it means to be a coach, a client, and why not a
human being.
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 To question all we are doing, to know that we really don’t know or to

assume our fundamental ignorance is the first most important step to
strive towards real change.

Beyond all our superficial answers, embracing our ignorance is actually quite
liberating. It doesn’t call for others to fill the void with obvious options and
solutions. Embracing our true ignorance is a collective invitation to dig deeper
into our more essential questions.

Consider that for a client and for a coach, a not knowing posture is not to be
taken as a strategy, nor as a technique, nor as a relational game.

 To acknowledge our ignorance is to be truly authentic, it is showing our

most intimate way of being. In fact, not knowing is our real nakedness.

In this light, whenever both clients and coaches know they don’t know, the
foundation for a true systemic partnership is set and both can embark in the
magic of asking themselves their real questions.

Imagine, for example, the following dialogue:

Client: _What should I do?

…(silence)

Coach: _Congratulations! What an excellent question!

Client: _I mean what do you think I should do?

Coach: _That is also what I mean. For now, what seems most important is the
question you are asking.

…(silence)

Client: _Well I don’t have an answer.

Coach: _Yes. I can feel that. You seem to be in a very important questioning
place. I want to congratulate you for that!

OR:

Client: _What would you decide if you were in my shoes?

Coach: _Well… I would try to have the courage to do what you seem to be
doing now. I would really search for the right decision.

Client: _But I don’t know!

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Coach: Yes I see that! You are really searching for your right decision. That is
the beauty of your work!

Obviously, clients do what clients do. It is not a coach’s place to train clients
on how to be well-adapted clients. Nor is it a coach strategy or technique to
enter into low position verbal jousts with their clients.

A systemic coach is to simply embrace everything the client says as an

authentic part of the coaching work. Real client and coach not knowing merits
respect if not awe. Indeed, client-and-coach not knowing is their first step to
deeper questioning, to real innovation, to personal transformation, to what
could become a lifelong a quest. Client and coach not knowing is also at the
root of their shared motivation to find embark in a coaching process
together. In essence, client-and-coach not knowing is a beautiful invitation for
both to marvel at the power of powerful personal questions. Those real
powerful questions that client ask themselves before they come to meet their
coach.