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Disclaimer
This book has been prepared by No Problems Publishing Incorporated for personal
use. The information and exercise protocols contained therein are based on current
knowledge and similar practices as at the date of publication. They are intended as a
general guide only. The author and No Problems Publishing Incorporated accept no
responsibility for the contents of the book or for any consequences of applying or
using the information and exercises. Application and use are entirely at your own
risk. Each person is different, and the way each person reacts to a particular exer-
cise may be significantly different from other people. If you are unsure how you
might react to a particular exercise, it is important that you speak with a Mental
Health Professional to advise you on your specific situation.
5
SPECIAL THANKS
AND
SPONSORS
Dedicated to
CONTENTS
PART ONE
Chapter 1: Finding Buddhism............................................... 27
The Early Years................................................... 28
Chapter 2: The 1970s............................................................ 31
Chapter 3: The Sandshoe Era................................................ 43
Chapter 4: The 1980s............................................................ 49
Chapter 5: The 1990s............................................................ 63
Chapter 6: Choosing Your Path............................................ 71
PART TWO
Chapter 7: The 1970s Part 2................................................. 85
Chapter 8: The 1980s Part 2................................................. 95
Chapter 9: The 1990s Part 2.................................................111
Chapter 10: 1992-1995.........................................................117
Chapter 11: 1995..................................................................123
Chapter 12: 1996..................................................................133
Chapter 13: Standing on the Edge of Happiness ................137
Chapter 14: Being Realistic……………………..................145
Chapter 15: Healing Through Love and Compassion..........169
Chapter 16: Healing the World.............................................177
Chapter 17: The Future.........................................................185
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EXERCISES
Exercise 1………………………………….. 55
Exercise 2………………………………….. 55
Exercise 3………………………………….. 58
Exercise 4………………………………….. 58
Exercise 5………………………………….. 74
Exercise 6………………………………….. 78
Exercise 7………………………………….. 78
Exercise 8………………………………….. 103
Exercise 9………………………………….. 140
Exercise 10…………………………………. 141
Exercise 11…………………………………. 142
Exercise 12…………………………………. 154
Exercise 13…………………………………. 155
Exercise 14…………………………………. 155
Exercise 15…………………………………. 158
Exercise 16…………………………………. 158
Exercise 17…………………………………. 162
Exercise 18 A………………………………. 164
Exercise 18 B………………………………. 164
Exercise 19…………………………………. 165
Exercise 20…………………………………. 170
Exercise 21…………………………………. 171
Exercise 22…………………………………. 173
Exercise 23…………………………………. 176
Exercise 24…………………………………. 176
11
PROLOGUE
I have been with Venerable Chris now for more than seven
years and I can say that it has always been interesting.
When I first came into the Institute, as far as I was concerned,
I was a scholar and a yogi. But now that dream has been
blown out of the water and I’ve never been happier or more
grateful. The more I grow, the more I appreciate what a re-
markable person she is.
Like many people, when I first met Venerable Chris, I was
loaded down with trust issues and preconceptions. My own
ego had made me almost completely blind to the qualities
that she has developed. Because she was dyslexic and jum-
bled up her words, I mistook this as a sign that she didn’t
know what she was talking about. Her humility I saw as a
lack of confidence. Her humour I saw as undignified. I
couldn’t help but love the classes, because there was so much
truth in them. But I kept my “you know that stuff, but I know
this stuff” attitude handy if her teachings got too close to the
bone.
As I grew, I began to see past some of my own prejudice. As
I let go of some of my fear and preconceptions, I saw that she
was unaffected by what people thought. She was compas-
sionate and dedicated and as straight as an arrow, with no
pretences. What you saw is what you got. She was also very
insightful and quite unselfconscious. This was everything I
was not, with all my airs and graces and my clever rhetoric.
12
INTRODUCTION
mind, the book may allow you to see things you haven’t no-
ticed before. As everyone will get something different out of
this book, the best way for me to describe the teachings is by
explaining the changes they have made to my life.
Over several hours at the Institute, I listened to Venerable Stu-
art talk about what they did in the Institute and then Venerable
Chris talked about Buddhism. Venerable Stuart told me how
he came by chance upon Venerable Chris’ classes, and once he
learnt he could find lasting happiness by permanently removing
problems, he had to know more.
I could have treated the interview as just another job, written
the story and left it as that, but what I heard struck a chord
within me. I left their house and went to work, wondering how
on earth to condense what I’d learnt into an article, while mull-
ing over what I’d heard. My mind felt as though it had been
cracked open. For weeks and months afterwards I could not
get the ideas of this “mind science” out of my head.
I realised I had everything I had wanted for years – a stable re-
lationship, a job in journalism, enough money to live comforta-
bly – but I still wasn’t happy. I was sick of reacting to every-
thing and being a slave to my reactions. I realised that to be
happy I had to change myself, and it was a huge relief to know
that finally I had found a way to do that.
When I began going to Venerable Chris’ classes it was the first
time I’d set foot in a Buddhist centre, and didn’t realise she
was teaching in a radically different way to other teachers. Yet
if it wasn’t for this user-friendly approach I would not have
kept going back. She wouldn’t let us intellectualise about Bud-
dhism, so we couldn’t come to the next class more expert than
16
the other students. We didn’t learn any neat little sayings that
we could later repeat to others and feel clever and wise.
The teachings were fascinating, but my enthusiasm was damp-
ened when I realised that they came from Tibetan Buddhism
with its traditions and rituals. It looked a bit too much like
“religion” to me and I didn’t want anything to do with that,
having been brought up a devout atheist. At first I put up with
it in order to get to the good stuff – the teachings – until I learnt
that I had an aversion to it because it seemed scary.
Slowly, through Venerable Chris’ unlimited kindness and pa-
tience I learnt to face things that I found scary or too hard. Her
uncanny ability to know things about me that even I’d forgot-
ten enabled me to work out the causes of problems I’d had for
years. I’m learning to deal with physical pain and illness, and
know that anything I might be going through, Venerable Chris
has gone through far worse. Not only has she survived, she has
worked on herself to be able to help other people.
Even though it all seemed too hard at times, by following the
teachings and Venerable Chris’ advice, work became less
stressful, my relationship was saved, I got along better with
people, and I didn’t get as upset over my illness. When I sud-
denly ended up in hospital with blood clots in my lungs, it hit
me: we don’t know what’s going to happen to us next and we
don’t have forever. And after everything I had learnt through
the teachings, being in hospital was not nearly as scary as it
could have been.
This is not a book you can read from cover to cover and know
it all straight away. Nor is it to be read intellectually. It takes
re-reading, and each time you read it you will read it in a
17
QUESTIONNAIRE
PLEASE NOTE
ANSWERS
FOREWORD
CHAPTER ONE
are liable to go into shock when they hear my story and feel
sorry for me.
I see everything that has happened to me as a good thing, a
fortunate life where my karma has led me to the Buddhist path.
CHAPTER TWO
tion.
From the moment of this experience, and from then on, I be-
came interested in the mind. My life changed because of the
change in myself and I was happier and my relationships with
others improved. I even found a job that involved skilful com-
munication and was often asked to mediate between manage-
ment and the factory workers.
I now had extreme confidence, I thought I knew all the answers
and from there I jumped to the conclusion that the world was
my oyster and nothing could hurt me. This was such a big mis-
take. I didn’t think, “I’m better than others”, I just thought I
was rather cool and I knew this stuff, but that was not a good
state of mind at all.
I didn’t understand the dangers of false pride and ego, and that
when we suffer from false pride and ego, we are inclined to
make invalid judgements and decisions that have dire conse-
quences.
At that time, I was living with a really strong guy. When he
did the gardening for my mother, it took only five minutes for
him to break her big garden fork. He just had a natural flair for
breaking things, so it was just sheer stupidity when I decided to
trip him up.
We had this playful routine where I used to tease him. “I’m
going to take my glasses off and teach you a lesson if you keep
that up,” he used to say.
“Yeah, yeah,” was my standard reply, “you’re actually afraid
of me”.
34
I was twenty-six years old, and little did I know that I was
never going to be employed full-time again. I had no idea I
was standing on the edge of change.
So two hours later at home after visiting the ambulance station,
I was facing Joey who was telling me, “I could give you a hid-
ing if I wanted to”. This was too much for my ego.
“I can outwit him,” I thought. “I’m going to get in there and
maybe I can do some kind of judo throw.” The ‘great knower’,
however, knew nothing about judo or any other martial art.
“I’d better get in there and do something before he has time to
think.”
I wrapped my leg around his leg, and just to impress on Joey
that I knew what I was doing, I made a judo noise, “Hya!”
He tightened all his muscles to resist my attempts to throw him
and held firm without moving. We lost our balance and fell to
the floor. My leg took the full force of the fall. A pain shot
through my leg. I had trouble breathing. I was gasping for air.
My breath was rapid. My body had gone into shock. I never
knew pain could be so bad.
My friends, who were visiting, gathered around me, reassuring
me that I would be alright. I didn’t appear to have fallen heav-
ily, so everyone thought that I would recover quickly. The
guys lifted me onto the couch. We waited for my breathing to
settle and the pain to subside ... but it didn’t.
Finally we began to realise that I needed to go to hospital …
but I wasn’t in the ambulance fund!
The guys picked me up and carried me to a station wagon be-
36
CHAPTER THREE
have a job, they would often jump to the conclusion that I was
down and out and didn’t want to work. I never told people I
owned a farm and a horse stud or that I was studying accoun-
tancy part-time. I watched my mind as I observed the differ-
ence between people thinking “she is going places” and think-
ing, “what a loser”.
Sometimes people’s comments got to me but as time went on, I
found that if I didn’t react, I actually had more understanding
and tolerance of them. I began to realise that I had to acknowl-
edge all my bad feelings. If I didn’t face them, then how was I
going to address them?
When I was younger, I had thought happiness was travelling.
My travelling adventures had changed me and opened my mind
to many things. However, on returning to Australia I discov-
ered I wasn’t content, I thirsted for more travel and conse-
quently I had decided to study accountancy so I could make
money to feed my travelling habit.
However, now I realised this was a mistake. I was only happy
when I was travelling, but I couldn’t travel forever. One day I
would be separated from travel … then what would happen!
Even though travelling opened my mind and changed me a bit,
it didn’t supply profound answers.
After one year of trying to continue my studies in accounting I
gave them up and walked away from my career. The final
straw manifested in a class on ‘time and motion’. We were
studying research on how to produce more work from employ-
ees. As the course progressed, the manipulation of employees
became worse and I became more and more disheartened. One
particular case study was very unfair and really got to me.
45
CHAPTER FOUR
was told Rinpoche was not only a high Tibetan Lama, he was
also a Traditional Tibetan Medical Practitioner. “Wow, this
sounds really great,” I thought.
I had become interested in Traditional Tibetan Medicine after
attending a lecture at the end of the 1970s. However, my inter-
est in Traditional Tibetan Medicine increased when my dog
was diagnosed with a very vicious form of cancer. The vet said
he had only six weeks to live.
My flatmate was going to Nepal and decided to pick up some
medicine for the dog while she was there. A month later she
arrived back with the medicine, which came with instructions
that “the dog should chew the medicine, and swallow it with
warm water before meals”. I don’t think the Traditional Ti-
betan Medical Practitioner had had much to do with adminis-
tering medicines to dogs!
The instructions were impossible to follow, so the pills were
given in his food. The dog was given the medicine for six
weeks and he recovered completely. A year later I thought the
cancer might be returning, so I acquired more medicine from
Nepal. The dog recovered once more and the cancer never re-
turned. The dog lived to an old age, finally dying from food
poisoning.
My friend also told me that while she was visiting Nepal she
became sick. While she was collecting the medicine for the
dog, she asked the Traditional Tibetan Medical Practitioner to
read her pulse. The Practitioner told her she had an amoeba
that was making her sick. She also told her she had contracted
a tape worm twenty-four hours earlier. My friend went to a
Western pathology lab and they confirmed that what the Tradi-
53
Exercise 1
Next time you are at a party and someone starts talking about
superannuation, try saying, “There is more to old age than su-
perannuation, what about preparing for death, after all you will
die one day, do you ever reflect on your own death?” and ob-
serve what happens. If you find that this leads to social isola-
tion, it could be a good practice to test your insecurity.
Exercise 2
Try to observe how everything in the world around us is chang-
ing and in a constant state of flux.
Flowers grow and die, seasons come and go, things are con-
56
Exercise 3
If you want to extend your awareness of impermanence you
can try doing the following practice. When you wake up in the
morning say, “Life is like a shooting star, like mist, like a
flame, like a dew drop, like a bubble, like a dream, like light-
ning, like clouds”. Then click your fingers.
We live our lives based on a misconception: that the elderly die
and the young don’t die, but the time of our death is uncertain.
We live our lives expecting everything to go to plan, but
change happens.
Exercise 4
Examine your current plans in life. What are they? What plans
would you make if you were told you did not have long to live?
Would your plans change at all?
Plans generally improve and become more realistic when we
realise we could die at any time.
If things are difficult, then you can learn from this. Going with
the flow, going with what is meant to happen, is the best thing
that you can do because you are working with reality and not
caught up in unrealistic plans. At the same time, you shouldn’t
think that you can’t do anything and are powerless. You just
need to let go of being dependent on the plan and wanting your
59
CHAPTER FIVE
Oh no!
As I am dyslexic, I have a tendency to speak back to front and
because of this I was terrified of public speaking. At that time,
as part of my continuing education for my qualifications as a
financial advisor, I was asked to chair a meeting with four
other people present. I was so afraid of public speaking, I was
quite prepared to let my qualifications drop rather than chair
the meeting. These days, I don’t see public speaking as much
of a problem, but in those days I had never really been forced
to face my fear.
To actually teach was the worst thing Rinpoche could have
ever told me to do. I visited him with a list of suitable people
who could teach in my place. He just said, “No, you teach.”
I tried really hard to get out of it. Every time I went to see him,
I had another brilliant idea of who could teach in my place but
Rinpoche wouldn’t budge. I realised I was getting nowhere in
a hurry.
I’d been in the tradition for twelve years and had learnt enough
to know, “OK, Rinpoche is my Teacher, I’m in this position
and he’s given me a job to do and I’ve got to do it”. I was left
with nowhere to move and had to face my worst nightmare.
On top of all that, Rinpoche went overseas, leaving the Institute
and me. Could things get any worse?
The first night I taught there was a terrible thunderstorm. I
thought, “This is good, maybe no-one will come”. Three peo-
ple showed up … that was three people too many, as far as I
was concerned.
65
Once you can challenge and undo one fear, it gives you the
confidence and know-how to face other fears and bad feel-
ings.
All the same, I hung out for the day Rinpoche would come
home to teach because I wanted to be a student not a Teacher.
I used to think, “How many classes before Rinpoche comes
back? One, two, three … that’s all I have to do, just a few
more classes, then it’ll be OK, I’ll be finished”.
Finally, Rinpoche came home and I requested him to come and
teach in the Institute but he only came for about three weeks.
This was not what I actually had in mind, and on top of every-
thing else, he threw another curve ball. He told me I’d be
working with people’s mental problems!
“What! What does he mean mental problems, I don’t know
anything about people’s mental problems. This is just getting
worse and worse. First teaching, now mental problems.” I was
so confused!
I thought that when I saw him again everything would be al-
right, but as I walked out of his house, it was like walking into
a black haze of confusion, as though the whole world was on
my shoulders.
66
Teacher changes their mind and doesn’t follow a plan the way
the students think it should be done. They think, “Well, why
can’t the Teacher do this?” or “The Teacher’s got it wrong,
they should be planning it like this”.
In my case, I had a plan, but Rinpoche wasn’t working within
my plan. Instead, he went overseas again, and it felt like he
was leaving me.
Even when I was ordained, Rinpoche asked his Teacher to or-
dain me and instead of Rinpoche being there, he was overseas.
It was actually a good thing to have Rinpoche’s Teacher ordain
me, but that’s not the way I saw it. I just thought that Rinpoche
had gone away and left me with a strange Lama to take this big
step forward all by myself.
things that we want and need. We want our own way, we want
holidays, we want friends, we want to be respected. For me, I
wanted medicine to help me with my illness. I had to give up
so many things. I had so many reactions, one after the other,
and because I was trying to learn about myself, I tried to face
each reaction and work through it.
As I began to let go of my underlying problems, I began to ex-
perience new inner peace and calm. I wasn’t so confined to
certain safety zones, certain situations, certain plans and agen-
das and so on. I was becoming more open to possibilities,
more open to people and more flexible within myself. I didn’t
have to be a certain way or worry so much about what people
thought.
Through all the pain and heartache, I began to find new free-
dom where I could rest a bit more easily, be more happy and
content without needing and being so dependent on people,
things and situations.
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CHAPTER SIX
Exercise 5
Next time you become upset, try and recognise your upset feel-
ing. Remind yourself it is your feeling, it is coming from
within you. Then ask yourself, “What do I want and need,
what am I clinging to?” If you can recognise what you are at-
tached to, then try to completely let go, and if you succeed, ob-
serve how much better you feel if you can do this.
If it is hard to see the cause of the problem within your own
self, how can you find it? Negative reactions are sign posts.
If we acknowledge our reactions, only then can we begin to
understand and address the real problem.
have to put up with this, I’m out of here”, but all we do is re-
move ourselves even further from valid solutions.
We may try and be clever, use big words, become an expert,
develop an image so we stand out in the crowd, and try and be
someone to make ourselves feel better. But this is actually set-
ting ourselves up for more problems, for more threatened, pain-
ful and upset feelings. If someone challenges any of these
things it will cause more insecurity and bad feelings. For ex-
ample, if we try and be an expert and someone challenges our
expertise, we will become upset. If we try and be the best,
when something happens to infer we are not, it can cut us down
to such a degree that we may never get over it.
If we try to develop self-identities and convince ourselves,
“I’m like this, or I’m like that, I’m a blah-blah-blah and that’s
who I am”, then we have to live up to our own expectations of
ourselves.
It’s not realistic, so how can we live up to it? It’s a recipe for
disaster!
We’ll be continually letting ourselves down and feeling bad,
then we’ll have to have another expectation of ourselves that
will lead to another disaster.
We also need to learn to challenge our judgement systems of
ourselves. For example, we might judge ourselves by compar-
ing ourselves to others. We might think, “Oh, I’m a good per-
son because I’m better than them” or “Oh, I’m a terrible person
because I’m not as good as them”. This is not good because
you’ll swing from one extreme to the other, with no means of
really understanding yourself.
78
Exercise 7
Try the technique of ‘pushing and pulling’ your mind by delib-
erately going into opposite situations and observing your emo-
tions and reactions. For example, go into situations which you
like and where you feel comfortable. Then go into situations
that you don’t like and where you feel uncomfortable and ob-
serve the difference between the two situations to open up
more awareness of yourself.
You can try to observe your mind when you are at a noisy
79
function, like a party, then observe your mind when you are
quiet and by yourself or even meditating.
Try to get to know different states of mind and familiarize
yourself with the situations that cause them to arise. If we are
aware that we experience a negative reaction in certain situa-
tions, we can be more alert and mindful, watching out for it, so
we can nip the habitual reaction in the bud before it arises,
making it easier to attack the habit.
As we grow in ourselves, the extremes diminish, the pendu-
lum’s swing reduces, and we begin to feel more confident in
ourselves no matter what situation we are in. By reducing false
pride and ego we reduce insecurity and begin to feel a sense of
wellbeing.
When observing your mind you shouldn’t be overly tense, just
slightly observing, being aware but also relaxed. All these
methods are long-term projects but if you persevere you will
reap the rewards.
If it is too hard to address certain emotions, you will need to
learn how to address them first. In this case, you should back
off and slowly work towards understanding your bad feelings.
If this is the case, it is good to have what I call a ‘safe place’.
For example, a walk in the park, a comfortable residential
situation where you feel safe. A beautiful place to meditate
would be an added bonus.
Once you feel safe, start to push the boundaries when you ven-
ture out, going into more difficult situations so you get to know
your mind. If it becomes too much you can return to your ‘safe
place’ to examine what went wrong and leave it for another
80
time. When you feel more stable you can go back and push the
boundaries once again.
When you are bogged down in bad feelings, it is very impor-
tant to learn to work towards being gentle with yourself and to
promote gentle communication.
Try not to be disillusioned with yourself, it takes consistent
practice and effort to change.
When we first come into a Buddhist centre, we come in with all
our agendas, plans and our habits of judging and intellectualiz-
ing, often thinking that we are ‘special’.
We think people have a ‘special mind’ if they are talented,
creative, clever or clairvoyant, but all these ‘gifts’ often just
build up ego. Ego is just like a balloon that, when challenged,
is easily deflated, causing us to feel hurt and depressed. Just
because we are good at something doesn’t mean that we are
good people and it won’t lead to permanent happiness. We
cling to ego without understanding the harm it causes us. Only
by training our minds to eliminate it, will we free ourselves of
all attachment, fear and negativities, and find permanent happi-
ness and then be truly ‘special’.
Of course, if you can do something well without feeling
‘special’ and building on ego, then there is no problem.
The combination of false pride and ego, bad feelings and our
Western intellectual education system leads Westerners into so
many problems and misinterpretations of the teachings. If you
want to learn Buddhism properly you have to have an open
mind. Never think “I know this or that”. This is so dangerous,
81
because a little itty-bitty thing you get wrong can lead to seri-
ous problems.
Watch out for the Western tendency to work on symptoms of
the problems instead of the actual cause behind the symptoms.
It can be extremely difficult to work through the confusion to
find the real cause of a problem. It is essential to have a
Teacher to help find and overcome underlying issues that are
so often overlooked, because they are too painful to face or are
just not recognised.
If you are fortunate enough to receive individual instruction
from a Buddhist Teacher that challenges your bad feelings, you
must always remember the golden rule: if there is a problem, it
is your problem. It could take many lifetimes and a lot of hard-
ship and suffering before you have another opportunity to rec-
tify this problem.
The reason for following the Teacher’s instructions is not to
blindly obey authority or to try to please your Teacher. You
should always remind yourself that you are doing it to try to
improve yourself and your mind; you are not doing it to benefit
your Teacher’s mind.
Through my own experience I learnt that when I was placed in
difficult situations, it enabled me to become more in tune with
who I was, not who I thought I was. It helped me face my in-
securities, my attachment, my false pride and ego-grasping
mind and negativities.
82
83
84
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CHAPTER SEVEN
really sorry for myself and very much alone, but now, reflect-
ing back, it was such a good letting-go experience for me.
I had always had people around to help me and had an image of
myself as ‘an independent person’ but I hadn’t recognised that
I was actually dependent on people to help me in these types of
situations.
It is so easy to become attached to something we think will
make us happy but generally we don’t recognise that we have
become attached and have developed a problem that will affect
us in the future. Often we only recognise that we have a prob-
lem when things do not go our way and we become upset.
So, all in all, it was a very hard time, but hard times can be
very liberating if you choose to make the most of them. Imper-
manence and suffering were all around me and I couldn’t ig-
nore it.
I began to notice that things always improved whenever I let go
of my plans, goals, agendas and what I wanted.
Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, my sheep
developed lice. The Pastoral Protection (PP) Board served a
notice on me and said the sheep could not be moved until I
sheared and dipped them. I was going to use my farming part-
ner’s facilities but now I was not allowed to transport the
sheep. Because the farm and the sheep were quarantined, I
couldn’t sell them, so I had to build a shed, yards and a sheep
dip. I had no income. I was on sickness benefits and often did-
n’t have enough to eat as it was, so I had to be very creative
with building methods and the materials I used.
I actually managed to build the sheds, yards and dip and finally
shear and dip the sheep. Then the PP Board threatened to slap
another writ on me. This time it was blackberries growing out
of control on the property. So I had to spray them and that’s
when I used 2,4,5-T, which contained Dioxin (similar to Agent
Orange). Everybody said that it was safe to use. I used it for
five years without any protection; I even kept my cans of drink
in it to keep them cool. No wonder I ended up sick!
It was not my idea to own sheep - it was Bill’s idea - but now
that I owned them I did my best to look after them. I even
learnt to shear. One day when I had them all in the yards, I
bent down with my back to them to pick up something. When
I turned around I realised they were all looking back at me with
94
terror in their eyes. I put myself in the place of the sheep and
realised the terrible things we human beings do to them. It was
all too much for me - I wanted out. I had complied with the PP
Board and the quarantine was lifted, so there was nothing to
prevent me from selling everything.
After three years I had recovered enough to go back to work,
but couldn’t find a job as an accountant because Australia was
in the middle of a recession. No employer wanted to employ
someone with a bad limp, there were plenty more applicants to
choose from.
I began to work as a cleaner for a friend who had a contract
cleaning business. Even though I had difficulty walking, I con-
tinued to work as a cleaner, and within a couple of years I had
my own cleaning business.
Though I spent a lot of time staying with my parents and we
were very close, I hadn’t lived at home since I was a teenager.
My father had been very sick for many years and the day after I
made the decision to start my own business, he died. After his
death, I went into my shell and became quiet. Three months
later I made a joke in passing with someone at work. Once we
stopped laughing she just said, “It is good to have you back.
We have all been worried about you”.
I knew I had been withdrawn a bit but I hadn’t really noticed
how it had affected others around me. I decided to move on
and let go of my father.
95
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
Over the next five years I was always in pain and I was always
contemplating the nature of suffering. I tried to understand
others and work with others, understand myself and work with
myself.
Pain is a difficult thing to deal with, whether it is physical or
mental. Generally we are so afraid of pain we just want out.
The more we think something will hurt us, the more we will be
inclined to concoct a magnified sense of dread and fear. This
attitude causes panic and stress and consequently, more pain.
After a while I completely accepted pain, it was just part of my
life. This attitude helped me to be more relaxed and happier in
myself, and this in turn reduced the pain.
112 !
I began to notice that the pain was sometimes more severe than
at other times. When it was really bad, I used to reason that the
pain, like everything else, was impermanent. It could not last
forever. I just had to give it time and soon the bad pain would
subside and not be as intense.
In all the time I was sick I never took any pain-killers because I
had extreme reactions to them all and after they wore off, the
pain always became incredibly intense.
I also began to notice that the pain was there for a reason. It
was warning me about something, telling me something was
wrong. Instead of thinking, “I can’t do that”, I learnt that if I
was relaxed, sensitive and listened closely to my body I could
do more, and this was good for my morale. At the same time, I
had to be careful that I didn’t overdo it as this would cause my
symptoms to worsen. Often I would push myself and overdo
it, just because I wanted to do something. My mother used to
say I was like the ‘new rich’, spending all my newly acquired
money, or in my case, my new-found health.
It took me a long time to recognise when to stop and let go of
doing things I wanted to do. An interesting experience was
instrumental in recognising this. I went for a walk in a park
with a Chinese acupuncturist who kept on pausing and reading
my pulse. I thought this was a bit strange and that she was ap-
proaching her profession with a lot of gusto.
As we were walking along the path I was thinking, “I wonder
what’s around the next corner?” She suddenly interrupted and
said, “You have to sit on this bench and have a rest.”
“What!” I was becoming exceedingly suspicious. “No than-
! 113
kyou, you can sit on the seat”, I replied. “I want to see what’s
around the bend.”
I set off along the track once more and as I passed the corner, I
began to feel exhausted. So I decided to return back along the
track to where my friend was waiting.
I collapsed on the bench.
“I told you to sit on the bench. I knew that was going to hap-
pen”, she said.
“What do you mean?” I enquired.
She explained that she had been reading my pulse and could
tell that my energy was about to subside. That day was a very
important day for me. She taught me to listen more attentively
to my body so I could stop just before my health collapsed,
then sit, revive, and therefore do more.
As time went on, I reasoned that it didn’t matter what was
wrong with me, I had to work at building up my immune sys-
tem. I stuck to my diet like glue, including having a chemical-
free diet. Walking was the only exercise I could manage and
clean air also helped.
If you are sick or have an injury, check to see whether you are
capable of doing whatever it is that you want to do.
When you are sick, it can be hard to let go and accept that
114 !
But because I was able to get out of the house to the hospital to
see my friend, it didn’t dawn on me that I looked sick. Within
a few minutes, I had dropped a glass of water, knocked over a
stool and had to rest my head on her bed because I was too
weak to hold it up.
“Don’t be so ridiculous,” she barked in an irritated voice. “Just
look at yourself.”
I was faced with the harsh reality that she was right, but I still
felt like I’d made a big leap forward.
116
117
CHAPTER TEN
!" #
CHAPTER ELEVEN
matter how hard I tried, I had, as yet, not met her specialist.
My mother had been studying various religions for many years
and though she didn’t talk to me about it much, she did tell me
that this included Buddhism and practising death awareness
meditation. A couple of years earlier she had informed me that
she was not afraid of death. Before I had time to tell her she
was dying, she said she didn’t think she was going to recover
from the stroke. I agreed with her. She then said the best out-
come for both of us would be for her to die.
When the GP at the hospital made his rounds, she told him she
thought her condition was hopeless and that the best result was
for her to die. The specialist somehow was informed of what
my mother had said, and concluded that she had a mental disor-
der because she was talking about dying … even though she
was dying. He wanted her to see a psychiatrist and put her on
antidepressants. That night I pondered the problem and came
up with an idea. The next day, when I saw the GP, I told him it
was my mother’s religious right to talk about dying, and I
heard no more about it.
About five days after this, the matron asked to see me. “Do
you realise the doctor has prescribed high enemas for your
mother, twice a day? We feel that it’s not working and your
mother is going through a lot of pain needlessly.”
She suggested that I contact the palliative care hospital down
the road, which I did immediately. The palliative care doctor
came and examined my mother. She was shocked to see the
way the specialist was treating her. The ‘phantom’ specialist
suddenly appeared and was upset because there was a foreign
doctor on his turf. Then they began to argue. The palliative
128 "
heal and diagnose, it can go beyond this, and the sky is not the
limit. The mind can be developed to do things that most West-
erners would find very hard to believe. For example, Rinpoche
can communicate with the dead and can help them on their way
to a better place.
I have often noticed in the West that even though people may
have some kind of spiritual belief, they often think that when
people or animals die and take their last breath, that is it … it is
over. From my own limited experience I know this is not true.
The mind does not stop when we are asleep and just start up
again when we wake up. When we go to bed at night the mind
continues on in different states, including dream states, whether
we remember them or not. Hypothetically, a person who has
never remembered a dream could be difficult to convince that
they do dream. Death is also like this. Mind just doesn’t stop
at death because you are not aware of what happens after death.
My mother told me that as a child she used French words. To
give you an example, she called the cat ‘chat’, which is French
for ‘cat’. My mother was born and brought up in a country
town in NSW and had no exposure to the French language.
However when she visited Paris in the mid-1930s, it was very
familiar to her and she knew her way around without a map. It
was as though she had been there before. After this experience,
my mother thought she might have been French in her past life.
This was an unusual idea in the 1930s, as in those days reincar-
nation was unknown within most of Western culture.
On the other hand, my father’s approach to death was com-
pletely the opposite to that of my mother. His philosophy was
‘if you can’t see it, don’t believe it’ and so he did not believe in
life after death. When he was told he had a terminal illness,
132 "
Mum tried to talk to him about death and dying but he wasn’t
interested.
In the later stages of my father’s illness, he was admitted to
hospital and, while there, he suffered a heart attack and had an
out-of-body experience. He found himself standing in the cor-
ner of the room observing the hospital staff working on his
body, which was lying on the bed. His world was shattered!
After he was revived, he was very shaken up and my mother
seized the moment and began to explain about death, and life
after death. A week later my father died. At least he’d had a
week to think about it, which is more than some.
In the West we are so unprepared for change.
133
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Exercise 9
Think of all the things you want, all your dreams, goals and
plans. Then once you have done this, imagine that you have
achieved all your ambitions. Would you be satisfied, or would
you want more? What would you want next?
Keep on repeating this exercise until all your ambitions are ex-
hausted. Then ask yourself are you happy? Will all your
needs, dreams, goals and plans lead to lasting satisfaction and
happiness?
When we examine attachment, we find that the promised pot of
gold at the end of the rainbow is an illusion. It takes a lot of
investigation to really understand that attachment doesn’t really
make us happy. Instead it just leaves us thirsting for more.
Exercise 10
Try to find and assess the happiness that grasping and attach-
ment supposedly brings.
When we want something and become attached to it, ask
whether the happiness you obtain from it is permanent. Does it
feel calm and peaceful? Does it lock you into unrealistic ex-
pectations? Does it leave you feeling flat? Does it cloud your
judgement? Which part actually makes you happy? How long
does the satisfaction and pleasure last?
When I first began to study this subject I used to love to go out
for dinner. I used these outings to begin to open up more un-
derstanding of what was happening. The first thing I noticed
was that I looked at the menu and all the good things I liked to
eat. This got me more interested in the idea of eating and
sometimes I noticed, as my craving sucked me in, I would want
more than one meal on the menu. Often the dinner would not
satisfy me because someone else had ordered a meal I wanted
more than mine.
I would analyse each mouthful of my meal moment by mo-
ment, trying to find the actual moment of happiness. I always
kept the best bit till last, but when I chewed on the last mouth-
ful, it was quite unfindable. I began to realise that there was no
absolute, lasting satisfaction.
On top of that, I often found myself so caught up in conversa-
tion that I would forget to savour the last moment and would
swallow the food without noticing it.
Then at the end of the meal, I was given the bill!
142 $% &&
Exercise 11
Try and work on one or a few easier attachment habits, not eve-
rything at once. However, if you have a big craving and at-
tachment habit that is messing up your life, make addressing it
a priority. Try and make the connection between your negative
reaction and your attachment.
Like going out for dinner, there are so many myths about
where we will find happiness. For example, we are told, “To
be happy you must be successful”. I saw an interview with
Bob Geldoff the other day. He said, “Success is bollocks, it
doesn’t make you happy”. If success and money lead to happi-
ness and security then why is Ozzy Osbourne on antidepres-
sants?
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Understanding Ourselves
Our judgements not only influence our understanding of
the world around us, they also influence the way we per-
ceive ourselves.
When I was a teenager in high school, my grandfather, on
opening one of my science books, discovered that science in
the mid-1960s did not believe in water divining. As my grand-
father was a professional water diviner, he declared war on all
sceptics.
Any sceptic who came to his house was marched out the front
and made to stand over a water pipe that was under the road.
He would then place a stick in their hands and explain to the
person that they were now standing over a water pipe. As a
child, I delighted in watching these experiments and used to
stand in front of the person to get a really good look at their
face. They would stand there holding the stick tight with both
hands, with a gleam of, “See, I’m right, nothing is happening”.
Their face would quickly change as my grandfather touched
them. He could touch them anywhere on their body and no
matter how tight their grip was on the stick, no matter how
much they tried to prevent the stick from moving, it always
moved. The look on the sceptic’s face would go from “I know
everything” to one of alarm.
' ( 151
Exercise 12
Try to observe how your negative reactions cloud and affect
your judgment. Observe whether you feel hazy and whether
you think as clearly when you’re in a negative reaction? Once
the reaction has passed, do you see things differently?
Exercise 13
Observe your reactions when you see a horror movie. Do you
experience any fear?
When we view a horror movie there is actually nothing there to
threaten us, it is only a movie. The feeling of fear is manifest-
ing within us even though there is actually no threat at all.
Exercise 14
When you become upset try and recognise the feelings of being
threatened. You might even try and observe the feeling of
‘me/I’ associated with the threatened and fearful feelings.
The more you want something the more upset you will be-
come when you can’t have it.
For example, you want a coffee at work but your workmates
get to the coffee machine before you. You won’t necessarily
become upset, but if you really, really, really want a coffee
right now and your workmates get to the machine before you,
you are more likely to become upset because you are wanting
the coffee more and are forced to wait.
We generally won’t see our attachment, self-grasping and self-
cherishing as the cause of our reaction, instead, we think our
workmates are selfish and are to blame for our reaction.
158 ' (
Exercise 15
Note how you see yourself.
Exercise 16 (Mirror)
There are methods that deal with negating ‘me/I’ and there is a
lot of technical literature already written on this subject, but
' ( 159
If you put your tongue to the roof of your mouth, you can feel
it. You can feel it but you can’t see it and you can’t see the
thinking ‘me’ analysing it.
Can you notice more than one emotion or more than one state
of mind? You might even notice the same state of mind with
different intensities. Maybe you feel intrigued, confused, you
might think this exercise is stupid, you might even be fright-
ened or have a bit of a laugh. Are you always in the same state
of mind or is your mind in a constant state of flux? If so,
which one is ‘me/I’?
Think ‘I will move my arm’. Now move your arm. Continue
to move your arm. Think ‘I am moving my arm’. Does the
reflection in the mirror move its arm?
Ask which ‘me’ is moving your arm. The body which every-
one relates to as ‘you’ or the thinking ‘me’?
The thinking ‘me’ seems to be separate from the body ‘me’ and
it becomes harder to identify which ‘me’ is moving your arm.
Does ‘me’ exist anywhere else, other than in the mind or body?
While examining this question, think ‘I will move my arm
again’. Now move your arm. Think ‘I am moving my arm’.
Does the reflection in the mirror move its arm?
Now touch your face with your hand. There are now many
‘me/I’s. There is the thinking ‘me’, there is the ‘me’ feeling
the hand on your face, the ‘me’ touching your face and there is
the ‘me’ in the mirror. It becomes apparent there is no concrete
‘me/I’.
At this stage of the exercise I feel as though I am fading, feel-
' ( 161
Exercise 17
Try to compare how you see yourself in the exercise 16 (mirror
exercise), with how you perceived yourself in exercise 15. Is
there a difference?
We judge ourselves through labels, opinions, ideas and intel-
lect, to name a few. We paint a picture and conjure up a view
of ourselves without real understanding of who we are. We
can flavour and white-wash how we perceive ourselves and this
can be very difficult to see. When we do see it, it can be very
hard to acknowledge.
Once you gain a bit of insight you need to understand that you
are not going to change everything overnight, it takes a long
time. You need to have a slow approach, pulling the weeds out
by the roots instead of trying to mow the weeds with quick
fixes.
' ( 163
Exercise 18 A
When you are in a negative state of mind or when the reaction
has passed, try to discover a strong feeling of ‘me/I’. Remind
yourself that this exaggerated sense of self doesn’t really exist.
It is a signpost indicating that your judgement is clouded, that
you are not being realistic and there are underlying problems,
insecurity, and something you don’t understand about yourself.
Exercise 18 B
If you discover a strong feeling of ‘me/I’, tell yourself that this
is the cause of your upset emotions. Liken the feeling of ‘me/I’
to an intruder in your house that is trying to steal your happi-
ness and is causing you to be upset. If you can let go of this
feeling of ‘me/I’ at all, you will find immediate relief and feel a
sense of liberation and freedom. You won’t feel so threatened
and afraid, you will feel closer to others and happier in your-
self.
Habits
Identifying habits helps us to be more realistic and perceive
' ( 165
Exercise 19
Try and check for indications of habits such as similar patterns
of behaviour, similar thoughts, feelings and perceptions in
similar situations. Watch for similar reactions in similar situa-
tions. Also, watch out for similar experiences happening re-
peatedly, such as having problems keeping a job or partner. If
166 ' (
you do notice this occurring, more than likely you will find that
habits are causing the problem to arise and are distorting your
judgment.
Karma
I had thought about the connection between karma and habits
for a while, and when Rinpoche returned to Australia in 1990, I
put the question to him. “Is karma habits, Rinpoche?”
“Yes”, Rinpoche replied. This answer helped me to broaden
my understanding of karma.
Conclusion
The day you decide to try not to react and go with the habits,
but instead stand your ground, will be the day that you come
face-to-face with your own mind. It is so very painful and so
very hard. You have to constantly remind yourself that you
have to face the pain and the bad feelings if you want to undo
the problem. This experience can be so overwhelming that, if
you have not done enough work on opening up awareness, you
might not want to try it again.
Often we try to challenge everything immediately and then,
when we find we can’t, we think this is too hard and become
caught up in excuses. You have to understand that you should
work within your capacity, and you are not going to achieve
everything overnight. Rather, you have to have a clear direc-
tion and learn to work slowly but surely towards it.
As we slowly grow, we begin to open up understanding of our
own mind and begin to let go of becoming caught up in work-
ing the angles, manoeuvring, and looking after ‘me’. As we
open up understanding of our own mind, we begin to open up
understanding of the nature of mind itself and reality. We
slowly see the problem more clearly and we learn to let go of
attachment, negative reactions and strong feelings of ‘me’, that
lock us into an incorrect view. Consequently, we don’t feel as
insecure or threatened by others and we have a clearer under-
standing of what is really happening.
168 ' (
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Exercise 20
Try to open up awareness of suffering. All sentient beings are
suffering and it takes a lot of investigation and a lot of effort to
really understand this. Suffering is all around us, but generally
we don’t notice it. Every time you hear a siren, it generally
means someone is suffering. When you go past a hospital,
nursing home, or a vet hospital, think about all the people and
animals that are suffering. In funeral processions people are
suffering and grieving.
There is the suffering of birth, old age, sickness and death.
There’s the suffering of needing material possessions for hap-
piness and the suffering of people who are driven by greed.
There is the suffering of not understanding change and the fact
that we will all die one day.
There’s the suffering of not understanding attachment and the
pain it causes. Then there’s the suffering of selfish mind, the
suffering of insecurity and negative emotions and the suffering
% )* +& 171
Exercise 21
Once you have developed more awareness of suffering, try and
promote a feeling of not wanting other beings to suffer. A
good method for generating this is through making compari-
sons. For example, compare how it feels when an ant bites you
to how a worm must feel with ants all over it. In this way you
can extend your experience of suffering to understanding oth-
ers’ suffering. However, we should always check our motiva-
tion to make sure we are not doing the practice to make our-
172 % )* +&
Exercise 22
When you look at ‘love’, do you regard some people as being
more important to ‘me’ and others not so important to ‘me’?
How do you feel about your neighbours, the people in the
street, on buses and trains? Do you feel love for people who
are rude to you, or criticise you? Do you love corporate execu-
174 % )* +&
Exercise 23
Try to identify others’ kindness. At first it might be hard to do
this but if we examine a situation, we begin to realise that oth-
ers have been kind to us. For example, we wouldn’t have sur-
vived as a baby without the kindness of others.
Exercise 24
Try to develop the feeling of love; think of someone you love,
% )* +& 175
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
&
What about others who are pushed to one side in the name of
achievement? What about the impact we are having on the
planet? What about the thousands of species that are being
wiped out and the effect progress is having on indigenous cul-
tures?
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
NOTES