Molly Williams

Ms. Fillman

Honors English 10A

12 December 2018

Grief and Autism in ​Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

About 1 in 59 children is diagnosed with autism, and 3.5 million Americans currently live

with the disorder (Facts and Statistics). In the book ​Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close​ by

Jonathan Safran Foer, which is about a nine-year-old boy named Oskar struggling to deal with

the death of his father, the main character exhibits traits indicative of being on the spectrum.

Autism spectrum disorder, or ASD, is an umbrella term for several developmental conditions

that result in impaired social skills. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental

Disorders, or the DSM-5, autism is characterized by “deficits in social-emotional

reciprocity...nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction...and developing,

maintaining, and understanding relationships.” This can present itself in behavioral patterns such

as sensory issues and oversensitivity to stimulation, insistence on sameness and routines or

resistance to change, a fixated, unusually intense interest on a specific subject or thing, and

repetitive movements or habits (Diagnostic Criteria for 299.00 Autism Spectrum Disorder).

Autism comes in many different forms and severities, and no two people with autism have the

same symptoms, which is why it is known as a spectrum disorder (Autism Spectrum Disorder).

Autism affects the way the character Oskar Schell, as well as other people on the spectrum,

experience the world through struggles with mental health, social difficulties, and the grieving

process.

Autism spectrum disorder is a mental disability, and it can negatively affect how people

are able to live their lives. Sensory overload, intense emotions, and an inability to express oneself
in a way that will be understood or accepted by neurotypicals can be distressing for autistic

people, and they often have trouble regulating their feelings and behavior (Rudy). People with

autism often have trouble making eye contact, reading or expressing body language, and

understanding the subtleties of social cues. This can make it easy for them to feel isolated. A

woman with autism described her struggles with this, saying: “Everything was so simple for

other people, everything they understood so easily, that I couldn’t...grasp or do. I just didn’t

understand what was wrong with me” (What Women with Autism Want You to Know). Autism

also frequently coincides with other disorders or mental health issues, such as depression and

anxiety. This is true in Oskar’s case. When Oskar gets anxious, he compares his brain to beavers’

teeth: “if they didn’t constantly file them down...their teeth would start to grow into their own

faces, which would kill them. That’s how my brain was” (Safran Foer 36). Oskar experiences

anxiety surrounding heights, elevators, the subway, Muslim people, and more. He deals with

depression, which he describes as having heavy boots. Oskar also has insomnia, joining the up to

83% of children with ASD who have sleep disorders (Jeste). These mental disorders have had a

negative impact on the way Oskar deals with the world around him.

Oskar exhibits behaviors and difficulty in social situations indicative of ASD, although it

is never explicitly mentioned in the book. Oskar has trouble dealing with change, and he has

repetitive behavioral and thinking patterns typical of someone on the spectrum. When he

receives a signed T-shirt from Ringo Starr, he says “unfortunately, it wasn’t white, so I couldn’t

wear it” (Safran Foer 40). Oskar’s insistence on only wearing white clothing is an example of his

reliance on routine. While he does not have many problems with reading others’ emotions or

body language, Oskar does have some issues with understanding and adapting to social
environments and contexts. When he is in a limousine on the way to his father’s funeral, he says,

“Even though I was trying hard for it not to, it was annoying me how Grandma kept touching

me, so I climbed into the front seat and poked the driver’s shoulder until he gave me some

attention” (4). This demonstrates both Oskar’s involuntary sensitivity to touch and his tendency

to behave in a way that is inappropriate for the situation. Stemming from difficulties with

socialization, some people with autism may not be able to understand figures of speech (Autism

Spectrum Disorder). Oskar’s mom describes Oskar’s father as someone who “sometimes missed

the forest for the trees,” to which Oskar responds, “What forest?” (Safran Foer 43). Oskar, like

many other autistic people, has problems with relating to and understanding the social world.

Autism affects the way people cope with and process emotions of grief and isolation,

which can be seen in Oskar’s situation. Stimming, or self-stimulatory behavior, is one way that

autistic people calm themselves down. This can be through a repetitive motion, such as rocking

or hand flapping, or a repetitive sound, such as repeating words or phrases (Rudy). One of

Oskar’s stims is the sound of his tambourine. When he is feeling depressed or anxious, he finds

that it “sometimes helps to play a good beat” (Safran Foer 2). Another example of this is Oskar’s

habit of hurting himself when his emotions get too intense and difficult to deal with. After falling

from a chair in his father’s closet, Oskar hears his mom and her friend Ron laughing obliviously

in the other room. He says, “Even though I knew I shouldn’t, I gave myself a bruise” (37).

According to Autism Speaks, “Nearly 28 percent of 8-year-olds with ASD have self-injurious

behaviors.” Oskar is around the same age, meaning that he is among many other autistic children

who have harmful stims. According to the Indiana Resource Center for Autism, all children with

autism “grieve in their own unique way.” Oskar describes his grief to a psychiatrist, saying “I’m
constantly emotional...It’s extremely hard for me to go to school. I also can’t sleep over at

friends’ apartments, because I get panicky about being away from Mom. I’m not very good with

people” (Safran Foer 201). Many autistic children dealing with loss become anxious and

experience heavy and often confusing emotions (Wheeler). Oskar’s struggles with depression,

anxiety, and insomnia are caused or at the very least amplified by the intense grief he feels after

his father’s death.

Overall, people with autism have a different way of viewing and experiencing the world.

This can affect, to varying degrees, their mental health, social interactions, and grieving

processes.