IMPROVE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

COMMUNITY. LEARNING. SUPPORT.

"LOVE NOTES" FOR BETTER COMMUNICATION page 1

Specific Examples of How to Talk to Your Partner

1. Hey Honey, Can we have a do-over? How about this time we go slowly and listen to each
other? Let’s not be so quick to interrupt.

2. Hey Honey, You have a way of talking around an issue and it confuses me. I’m sure I’m
confusing you too. Let’s simplify and be direct.

3. Hey Honey, When I’m demanding, I know you feel badgered. Then, when you walk away
abruptly, I feel rejected. Let’s not do this.

4. Hey Honey, I think your anger or fear has gotten the best of you. I feel bulldozed in this
moment. Let’s change gears.

5. Hey Honey, Feeling threatened in a relationship is a deal breaker. A relationship will

never survive if one or both partners feel unsafe.

6. Hey Honey, I too feel horrible about our recent argument. So repeating that I have failed
you does not help us create repair.

7. Hey Honey, I need space. I must get out of here. Please know that I’m not leaving you,
but taking a break to be with myself. I care about you.

8. Hey Honey, If I express feeling differently about something than you do, it doesn’t mean
I’m rejecting you.

9. Hey Honey, Talking about our relationship is sometimes overwhelming. I’d like to take a
time-out. Let’s check in later.

10. Hey Honey, I know you want resolution in this moment. I cannot offer resolution. I need
alone time. I’m still here and I care about you.

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 IMPROVE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
COMMUNITY. LEARNING. SUPPORT.

"LOVE NOTES" FOR BETTER COMMUNICATION page 2

Specific Examples of How to Talk to Your Partner

11. Hey Honey, Just because one of us is upset doesn’t mean the other has to be too. One
person’s mood needn’t overshadow our time together.

12. Hey Honey, We’re caught up in solution-focused mode and bogged down by details.
Right now, I need understanding more than solutions.

13. Hey Honey, If you don’t call me back as we agreed, then I feel ignored. It seems minor
but this type of thing is important to me.

14. Hey Honey, It takes a lot of courage to admit when one of us or both of us forget what
we’re arguing about. The point of arguing needn’t be just to argue.

15. Hey Honey, We’re arguing whose reality is the right reality. When we do this, we’re not
relating. We’re just talking at each other.

16. Hey Honey, You’re not listening. You have no expression on your face and keep looking
at your phone. Please be more present.

17. Hey Honey, We need to mix up our routine and get out more. We work too much and
then mostly watch TV. Let’s share more quality time.

18. Hey Honey, Listening is more than just hearing words. It includes showing that we
understand each other.

19. Hey Honey, Sometimes when we argue we get caught up in criticizing each other. Then,
we fail to ask for what we want. Let’s prioritize here.

20. Hey Honey, Walking on eggshells is exhausting. It’s an immature game. Let’s not avoid
each other, but instead be more direct.

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Copyright © Alan Robarge Relationship Coach / All Rights Reserved.
 IMPROVE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
COMMUNITY. LEARNING. SUPPORT.

"LOVE NOTES" FOR BETTER COMMUNICATION page 3

Specific Examples of How to Talk to Your Partner

21. Hey Honey, When we don’t talk, I feel invisible. I feel like I don’t matter to you. The silent
treatment is really hurtful. It needs to stop.

22. Hey Honey, I don’t have a history of being this open in relationship. This is scary. While
I’m not dishonest, I do hold back sometimes.

23. Hey Honey, Sometimes, we’re defensive with one another. If we don’t soften our
edginess, then we won’t be heard.

24. Hey Honey, That tone of voice is condescending. I feel belittled. I get that you are angry,
but you cannot talk to me like that.

25. Hey Honey, Sometimes I blow things out of proportion. I focus on interactions that
might miss the bigger picture. Let’s rewind.

26. Hey Honey, Could we practice staying present and open even when we’re upset? It’s a
skill not to shut down in difficult moments.

27. Hey Honey, I’m uncertain what this authentic-me or true-self idea is all about. I’m just
me and okay with that. I feel judged when you demand that I be something different.

28. Hey Honey, Sometimes we fall into a trap of over-explaining. We’re repeating the same
points over and over. Let’s take a pause.

29. Hey Honey, What you call needing change is actually you pointing out what is wrong
with me. This does not make me feel close to you.

30. Hey Honey, If you don’t greet me first thing when you get home, I feel invisible and taken
for granted. Please say hello.

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COMMUNITY. LEARNING. SUPPORT.

"LOVE NOTES" FOR BETTER COMMUNICATION page 4

Specific Examples of How to Talk to Your Partner

31. Hey Honey, I feel insecure when I don’t know what to say or do. Sometimes, I cover up
this feeling by getting angry.

32. Hey Honey, I’ve been so concerned about being heard that I haven’t been able to listen
to you. Please repeat what you just said.

33. Hey Honey, Please say what’s on your mind, but also acknowledge my point of view. I
need to know you’re listening to me too.

34. Hey Honey, I’m just overwhelmed and overloaded. I can’t listen or talk anymore. My
mind is mush. Let’s take a break or end for now.

35. Hey Honey, Arguing who is right and who is wrong disconnects us from each other. Let’s
not make debating more important than our relating.

36. Hey Honey, Sometimes you talk nonstop without breaks. You act like I’m not even here.
Please pause and invite me into the conversation.

37. Hey Honey, Sometimes, I shut down emotionally. I don’t always know when it's
happening or why. I need a minute to myself right now.

38. Hey Honey, I know I’m acting like everything is fine. The truth is that I feel anxious. I’m
upset about something you said earlier. I can’t stop thinking about it.

39. Hey Honey, When I ask for some change in our relating, I’m not saying that you are
lacking or failing. I’m asking that you acknowledge my feelings.

40. Hey Honey, It hurts when you joke about my feelings. Sometimes when I get serious, you
act silly. It feels dismissive. Will you please listen?

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