I have always wondered what it’s like to truly understand what you want in the future and

be completely dedicated to it. All I’ve ever known is confusion, uncertainty, and wondering what

I’ll truly be happy doing in the years to come. However, this wasn’t the case when I was in

kindergarten to about middle school. What I really enjoyed was creating art because in the end I

had pieces I manifested myself. Constantly, multiple time per week, all I did was put collages

together, draw portraits of people I imagined in my head, paint landscapes, etc. I was always

positive and confident when producing creative work and paid no mind to negative comments

from relatives, friends, or peers. All I thought about was how beautiful it was to have a physical

canvas that started with just an image from my inner thoughts.

The colorful, childish

picture has many colors,
but the artist drew an
amazing future for herself,
showing maturity

In middle school I really started to master the art of realistic portraits. I constantly was

sketching portraits of my best friend, celebrities, and animals. Because of this, I had a great skill

for adding great detail (eyelashes, freckles, wrinkles, etc.) and bringing the drawings to life. I

was very articulate and careful with my technique. I regularly was creating art pieces, and as a

result my artistic skills progressed dramatically, and people started to notice. For example,

there’s been times I was in a coffee shop working on a drawing. Multiple people passed by and

complimented my work, telling me how detailed it was and instantly knew the person I was

sketching, whether it was a celebrity or a known person in town. I would spend hours on a piece
making sure the shading was right, the measurements matched, and mistakes were at a minimum.

I truly loved the craft and knowing all the hard work put into the pieces were by me and only by

me.

Nevertheless, during my transition from middle school to high school, I started to lose

faith in my ability to make acceptable art pieces. I didn’t think I was good enough compared to

other creators. I was either believing I wasn’t innovative or creative compared to the artists I’ve

seen online or even the known creators at my school. The awkward preteen years probably

contributed to me having these second thoughts and doubting myself. As a result, I stopped

completely. In the entirety of my high school career I didn’t create anything. I was so hesitant on

starting up again that even the thought of sitting down and picking up a pencil made it sound

foreign and awkward.

Another great reason why I discontinued my love of art was pointed towards a person I

hold very near and dear to my heart - my mother. To put it lightly, my mom wasn’t very

supportive of my work. Whenever I created anything growing up, she never seemed impressed or

interested. And once I started to have an interest in art again and maybe even declaring

something in the arts at university my mom responded very negatively and explained that she

wanted me to have stable career. She said, “Don’t do it, honey. I want you to be financially

stable, so you can be happy and successful. What about nursing?”

The woman I look up most to is giving

me a frustrated, disappointed
expression while waving her finger in
my direction

I appreciated my mother’s concern, however I feel it was wrong of her, as someone I look

up to, to discourage my passions. Even when I talked to my other family members or friends
about my love for art I was never taken seriously. This put me in a tough spot, I wanted to listen

to my mom and make her happy, and I still was self-conscious about crafting my own work.

However, in the end, I needed to stay focused with tunnel vision and construct a career that was

truly me.

The two organs, which conflict

the most when I’m
contemplating about life, are
finally agreeing and moving
towards each other

When it came to the middle of senior year, the prime time for submitting college applications, I

was very lost. I knew UC Davis was my first pick for colleges, but I was confused about what I

should choose for a major. I guess I could just simply choose undeclared, but I still have to

decide in a couple years. With my mom’s criticism and personal insecurities in the back of my

mind, I was frustrated and tired of being uncertain. However, I had no other choice then to be

undeclared, unless I wanted to be stuck in a major that I was entirely uncertain about.

Coming in as a Freshman at UC Davis, I was undeclared but a month in I meet two

spectacular people named Brady and Josh, who both gave me a new insight and perspective.

They told me that I wasn’t going to be truly satisfied in life if I live with someone else’s choices.

And even if I did choose a “stable” career there’s no way I was going to be actually successful in

it because I wouldn’t be truly content. They both told me this about a year ago and yet, I still

think about it constantly and I hope with all my heart I never let go of that feeling they gave me,

just because they believed in me. After meeting them, we all have been attached to the hip and

they still encourage me every day. With them as a support system, I got the boost I needed to feel

confident pursuing a profession that will keep me on my toes, satisfied and truly happy for many

years.
 Brady and Josh have been a constant support system and even sat right next to me,

searching with all the art and humanities majors provided at UC Davis. We took some time

discussing the majors I would want to invest my time in, but something that would also

challenge me creatively. We looked at art Studio and film production as career paths. After

looking at the basic information and courses I would have to take, we all mutually agreed that

having a degree in design with an emphasis in graphics would be the best fit for me. Josh even

expressed to me (because I’m a little indecisive) “It’s okay to be unsure and even if you change

your mind it’s okay. We’re all still very young and trying to figure ourselves out.” This lifted

some weight off my shoulders and gave me some room to breathe because he’s right. I don’t

have to be completely certain right now, and I just need to go with the flow and do whatever

feels right at the moment. At that time, graphic design felt right. It’s great that I had a second and

third opinion because when you’re in head all the time, sometimes you lose track of what’s really

right and wrong for you. These extra voices helped organize my thoughts and guide me, not just

on the right career path, but on the right mindset.

A hopeful woman
grabs and collects all
her dreams, she’s
hoping for a bright
future

Flash forward now, I just finished my fall quarter as a sophomore and over Winter Break

I chose to reflect on life and decided to declare my major as design, even though my mom

disagreed.
 These three green organisms are
all at different stages of growth,
but they are all connected and
appreciate every stage

I’m slowly but surely finding confidence to reject any pessimism in my life, and I will continue

to value myself and always strive to be my complete and utter self. I am fighting and will fight to

experience the pure enjoyment I did when I was younger, when I didn’t have any fear of

judgement or negativity. Discovering the truth of who you are and acting on that is the only way

to love and care for yourself. Keep in mind to also surround yourself with people who are going

to lift you higher.