Kama Sutra

9 Steps To Regain Your Sex

Life You Have Always Wanted

By
Joseph Lindberg
 Joseph Lindberg

© Copyright 2017 by Joseph Lindberg All rights

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information contained within this document, including,

but not limited to, —errors, omissions, or inaccuracies.

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Table of Contents
Introduction .................................................... 5
Step 1 – Gaining Confidence............................. 8
Step 2 – Eating For Better Sex ......................... 11
Step 3 – Masturbation .................................... 14
Step 4 – Improving Relationships ................... 17
Step 5 – Find What You Desire....................... 20
Step 6 – Experiment ...................................... 22
Step 7 – Oral Sex ............................................ 25
Step 8 – Other Forms Of Foreplay .................. 30
Step 9 – The Act Of Intercourse ..................... 33
Conclusion..................................................... 36

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Introduction
Kama Sutra is one of the most well-known books
pertaining to the history of desire, love making,
positioning and other sexual practices. The Kama Sutra
wasn’t merely a book to read but more of a way of life.
Following the Kama Sutras practices and steps led one
down a path of sexual completeness and fulfillment in
relationships. Although most of the practices are now
considered ancient, a lot of them are still used in today’s
society. Though some of the practices are dated and no
longer apply to modern day, American and European
relationships, there are plenty of different parts of the
world that still use the Kama Sutra and abide by each and
every law religiously.
Being a way of life, the Kama Sutra follows the
“Purusharthas” which is translated as “the four main goals
of life”. These four main goals are as follows:
Dharma: Virtuous living
Artha: Material Prosperity
Kama: Desire
Moksha: Liberation
These four goals are what you aim your life to be like. In
order to be fulfilled in sex, love and life, these four goals
must be abided by or pursued throughout one’s life. An old
quote from the Kama Sutra text states:
“Dharma is better than Artha, and Artha is better than
Kama. But Artha should always be first practiced by the
king for the livelihood of men is to be obtained from it
only. Again, Kama being the occupation of public women,
they should prefer it to the other two, and these are
exceptions to the general rule.”
Being that, in America and European societies, there is
more equality among men and women so the translation of
this quote would seem dated to that population, but in
other areas where women are still considered less superior
than their male counterparts, this translation might be

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more relevant. A lot can be said for the Kama Sutra text
when it comes to life. Most of us want to live a life with
fulfilled desires, prosperity, virtuous living and feeling of
liberation however, most of us fall short on almost all of
these goals for whatever reason.
It is time to start taking control of your life and your
desires because sex is more than a physical act between a
male and a female. Sex, or lovemaking, is a connection
between two people – sometimes strangers though,
preferably not. Having a fulfilling sex life can be done
while also improving almost every aspect of your life. In
order to be fulfilled in other things, we need to first accept
that we need to change our way of thinking and put
together a guideline for improvement to abide by. This
book lays out nine steps that will not only lead you to a
more fulfilling sex life, but also to a better life all around.
You are already on the right step with reading a book
pertaining to this, so you are obviously ready for a change.
It can be hard to believe that your sex life can be
improved and changed by words written in a text, but it
can. In fact, improving your sex life can be done without
help at all, but you need to know yourself 100% if you ever
expect to please someone else (inside and outside of the
bedroom). There are so many ways in which each of us are
pleased via sexually. Finding out what pleases each and
every one of us is the difficult part. The Kama Sutra states
that all of us can find pleasure and desire in one another,
but only if certain factors are taken into account.
With this book, you will be able to identify and
implement nine steps that will change the way you look at
yourself, life and sex. You will feel born again with the
willingness and want to change or start anew. Having a
great sex life isn’t just a fairytale or something you see in
movies or pornography. A great sex life is achieved by hard
work on your part and life changing practices that are kept
up with throughout your life. Nothing in life is easy and
this is no exception to that.

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As the Kama Sutra states, “thus a man practicing

Dharma, Artha and Kama enjoys happiness both in this
world and in the world to come” (I. p.20).
The Kama Sutra, though essentially a sexual based
book, actually spends most of the book talking of the
origins of desire, how to woos each other, how to treat one
another in relationships, etc. There is only a small section
of the book allotted to sexual positioning and sexual
intercourse which most people don’t realize. A lot of the
time, people assume the Kama Sutra to be a book that is
crude and focused solely on sex and different positions to
help men and women ejaculate quicker but this couldn’t be
further from the truth.

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Step 1 – Gaining Confidence

Having confidence is critical when attempting to create
a better sex life. If you don’t believe that you can succeed,
then why try? Success only comes to those who work hard
and believe they can be better – and making themselves
better. Success can’t be given to someone, success is
earned. You might argue, what of the people whose
parents are wealthy and are, by association, wealthy as
well. Wealth is one thing, success is another. You can have
money given to you through various means; lottery,
inheritance, settlement, etc. but having money doesn’t
make an individual successful.
Success is gained by confidence in one’s self. For those
of us who have little confidence or none at all, gaining it
can be difficult but not impossible. You need to first take a
look at why you don’t believe in yourself. Do you have a
disability? Do you feel you are unattractive? Do you have
anxiety holding you back? Whatever it may be, confidence
is only a reach away. It will take some conditioning and
self-motivation to get where you ultimately want to be, but
it is possible. Look at yourself in the mirror and instead of
pointing out your flaws, look at your features that please
you; accentuate these features.
This is especially true for people who believe they are
unattractive and will never find someone to grow old with.
There is more than one person out there for everyone,
believing otherwise is foolish. Gaining confidence is
different for every individual; some people gain it by
reading, some by exercising, makeup, near death
experiences – the possibilities are endless. Everyone is
different and because of this, everyone either has
confidence or doesn’t. The Kama Sutra assumes that, for
the most part, every individual is relatively comfortable in
their own skin. For some men, confidence lies in the belief
that size matters. According to the Kama Sutra, there are
three types of males and three types of females.

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Each of the three types of individuals are compatible

with their counterpart. Here are the classifications for men
based on the length of their penis: the hare, the bull and
the horse. The women are classified into three types based
on the depth of her vagina; these three types are the deer,
mare, and elephant. Each of these pairs match perfectly in
length and depth, creating the optimal sexual experience.
This is good news for men who believe they aren’t big
enough because women have a different depth and
capacity and what is big to some women is small to others.
The couples who are the most compatible, according to
the Kama Sutra, are the hare and the deer, bull and mare,
horse and elephant, bull and elephant, horse and deer and
horse and mare. You can see that the horse is compatible
with all women so they obviously have their pick when it
comes to who they can adequately pleasure though this
doesn’t mean that the smaller men won’t be able to
pleasure an individual that the Kama Sutra deals unequal.
If this doesn’t help men and women gain confidence in
the bedroom, there are other steps you can do as well. For
individuals over weight and uncomfortable in their own
skin, exercising and maintaining a healthy diet can be all
your body needs to change its mindset. Exercising alone
releases endorphins and filters out the cortisol in your
body that stress produces and that stores excess body fat.
The more you exercise, the better you feel and the better
you will look if physical activity is maintained.
I can’t stress enough the importance of having
confidence. Gaining a better sex life can’t be done if you
aren’t confident in your ability to please the other person.
Even if you know you can please the other person, but you
aren’t confident about the way you look without clothes on,
this comfortability will rub off on your partner and make
for a less than romantic sexual encounter. Once you gain
confidence, you can choose whether or not to get rid of it.
Living as a confident individual is life changing and makes
for a much better quality of life. No one wants to live a life
where they are uncomfortable with their selves and their
abilities.

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Step 2 – Eating For Better Sex

Every aspect of your life can affect your sex life one way
or another. Most people hear tell of rumors and myths
surrounding different types of food that can be used as
either aphrodisiacs or to improve the smell and taste of
genitalia. I am here to tell you that food does affect your
sex life and should be taken into account when attempting
to gain a fulfilling sex life. It may be hard to believe, but
our bodies absorb and react to different nutrients that we
intake. Alcohol can cause some men to have difficulty
sustaining an erection because alcohol slows blood flow
where as a man who snorts cocaine (the use of illicit drugs
is not being recommended, only being used as an example
for how different substances we intake can affect our
sexual function) can maintain an erection for hours –
though this varies for each individual.
As I stated before, I am not condoning the use of illicit
drugs, I am merely using them as an extreme example of
how the body is affected by substances. Eating different
fruits and vegetables has been known to have different
effects on the genitalia for men and women. For example,
asparagus makes your urine smell significantly stronger
which could make it a bit uncomfortable for individuals
performing oral sex. Pineapple is said to make the vagina
taste sweeter because of the high sugar content and the
way the fruit is metabolized in the body; whether or not
this is true has yet to be scientifically confirmed.
According to the Kama Sutra, food not only nourishes
your body, but it nourishes your soul as well. Some
aphrodisiac recipes contain foods high in zinc and honey
because both if these items are said to arouse the mind and
body. Spices are some of the most widely used of
aphrodisiac foods, some of these spices commonly used for
arousal are pepper, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, cloves,
cardamom, ginger and Ashwagandha. Food has an
incredible effect on the mood of the individual; some
people even gauge their day on whether or not they

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received a good cup of coffee in the morning. Due to this

effect, people are constantly experimenting with different
ways in which to heighten their sexual arousal and
enhance their sexual experience.
As stated before, numerous foods are considered to
have aphrodisiac properties, however some people are
aroused by other foods outside of the “normally arousing”
foods. Basil is another common aphrodisiac plant that can
be used to spice up other dishes. As far as when to eat
certain arousing foods, it really depends on what it is you
are ingesting. Usually, ingesting foods that are intending to
change the way you taste or the something anatomically,
can be ingested at the beginning of the day so that it is
metabolized by the time you engage in intercourse that
night. However, for things that are intended to arouse
someone immediately, these should obviously be ingested
somewhere close to the time that they are intending on
engaging in sexual intercourse, preferably within the hour.
In some cases, ingesting the food together while kissing
(for aphrodisiacs such as chocolate) can be pleasurable
and arousing because of the connection you both feel with
one another.
Due to the holistic nature of this practice and the
general belief that the resulting arousal is simply a placebo
effect, there really isn’t strict rules on when certain foods
should be ingested; only that when ingested, they are
known to facilitate arousal in some circumstances. After all
is said and done though, having a healthy diet is the
difference between living a healthy and fulfilled life and
living one of un-satisfaction. Living a healthy life will
result in a healthy individual and healthy individuals are
able to engage in regular sexual activity and reap the same
benefits of sexual intercourse.
Being overweight and unhealthy can result in men being
unable to get or sustain an erection and overweight women
may have a difficult time achieving orgasm because of the
male’s inability to penetrate deeply due to access tissue.
Not only is this an issue, males may not have an erection
as large as its potential because of the lack of blood flow

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due to the size of the individual and the accumulation of

fatty tissue in the pubic region. Eating healthy and
maintaining a proper weight also gives the individual a
higher degree of stamina and flexibility, allowing for more
adventurous sexual positions and a longer lasting sexual
encounter.

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Step 3 – Masturbation
Masturbating is something we humans have done from
the beginning of time. Not only is it recommended, it can
also heighten and lengthen your sexual experience if done
prior to sexual intercourse. Women naturally have a
difficult time climaxing during sexual intercourse and
sometimes masturbation is the only way in which they can
achieve an orgasm. Masturbation also helps the individual
learn about themselves and find out what they deem to be
arousing and pleasurable. It would be difficult to know
what feels good or expect someone else to make you feel
good if you have never experimented and attempted to
figure it out on your own.
Masturbation is done by men daily, which is normal.
Women tend to masturbate less frequently than men for a
variety of reasons, mainly due to lack of time to allot to the
act and lack of desire because of other things that are
weighing down the mind. The reason masturbation is so
important for a fulfilling sex life can’t be narrowed down to
one reason; there are multiple. One of these reasons is that
masturbation, as stated before, can help you learn about
yourself and explore yourself. Having the privacy and
desire to explore your own body and sexual desires is
incredibly important in developing your sexual drive.
For men, masturbation can be done by experimenting
with different stroking techniques, fondling the testicles
and stroking the prostate from various angles. Some men
have very sensitive testicles and prefer not to have them
touched during sex and oral sex – knowing this will save
you from stress during the heat of the moment. For
women, knowing your limits and what feels good is
important. Some women have larger clitorises than others
and some women prefer the focus to not be solely on the
clitoris because this can be overwhelming. Some women
can only fit one finger into their vagina whereas other
women can fit an entire fist.

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Some women and men prefer rough sex whereas others

prefer slow and sensual intercourse. Masturbation will
help you to discover all different types of scenarios and
help you discover which of yours you like the most. Now,
another reason why masturbation is so important for a
fulfilling sex life is because masturbation can help men last
longer in the bedroom and help women to climax in the
bedroom. We have all heard for foreplay and we know the
importance of it, implementing techniques learned during
masturbation for women can help her prepare quicker for
intercourse making her more likely to climax. Women can
also masturbate before intercourse to erect their clitoris
and lubricate the vagina.
Men can masturbate and work on holding back the urge
to ejaculate, helping them to last longer during
intercourse. Some men find they can last significantly
longer in the bedroom after they ejaculate shortly before
engaging in sexual intercourse. It can be hard to find the
time to masturbate prior to having sex however, as I stated
before, these masturbation techniques can be
implemented into foreplay. On top of bringing you closer
to yourself, learning what feels good and what doesn’t, and
helping individuals to either last longer in bed and climax
easier, masturbation can be one of the key steps in
assuring a long and fulfilling sex life. There is an old
Lifehouse song that states, “you have to love yourself if you
can ever love me”. Learning about yourself and loving
yourself gives you the ability to please not only yourself,
but your significant other in the bedroom as well.
There are a few individuals in the world who prefer not
to masturbate, or at least not often, because they aren’t
comfortable with being that close or in tune with their
bodies. There are other reasons why some individuals
don’t participate in self-pleasure; these reasons being
religion, certain morals that were taught in childhood and
mass media that frowns upon certain acts of self-pleasure.
The use of pornography and sexual toys to help with self-
pleasure for both males and females is widely known and
accepted, but for a small group of people these acts are

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frowned upon and looked badly upon. Masturbation is part

of growing up and learning about your body, refraining
from it due to beliefs is your own decision however you
should not feel bad about engaging and participating in
such acts.

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Step 4 – Improving
Relationships
This step may seem a bit strange, but attempting to
have a fulfilling sex life can’t be done if your life isn’t on
the road to fulfillment. Improving every aspect of your life
is critical in gaining and maintaining a healthy and
satisfying sex life; relationships included. When we talk of
relationships, this doesn’t necessarily mean sexually based
relationships exclusively. All of your relationships in your
life need to be improved. Any bridges that you burned,
grudges you are holding, people you haven’t forgiven or
you have been ignoring for whatever reason – any
relationship that is holding tension in your life, needs to be
addressed.
It may seem trivial but this step is more important than
individuals realize because humans are social animals.
Being a social animal means our wellbeing is determined
by having people around us and engaging in social
activities and interactions. Having negative relationships
not only hurts the relationships experiencing negativity,
but it also affects you as a human being more deeply than
you realize. With each angry and stress filled emotion,
different hormones are released. Being angry with
someone or annoyed with someone is actually unhealthy;
feeling these emotions is unnecessary and avoidable.
If you find that you can’t help being annoyed or angry
with certain individuals, try to determine why it is that you
feel that way. Is it jealousy, lack of respect, envy? We can
hate people because we want to be like them, but this only
harms us more in the long run. Women tend to compare
themselves with other women most of the time, without
even realizing it. Comparing yourself to someone else is
setting yourself up to be disappointed because no two
individuals are made the same – and some things can’t be
changed. When women compare themselves to other
women, they focus more on their own flaws. Every woman

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has another woman in their lives whom they feel

threatened by for materialistic and shallow reasons. These
relationships need to be repaired.
They say you can tell a lot about a person by the way
they treat their parents. If they are mean to their parents,
they will be mean to you eventually. Having a great
relationship with your parents makes for great
relationships outside of the family. Not to mention, when
other people see how well you and your parents get along
and how strong your relationship with them is, they will
feel refreshed and comforted. Too often we shut people out
of our lives for doing foolish things, not realizing the
emotional toll it has on us. Though the emotional scars
may not be obvious, they lie dormant and kick you when
you are upset or angry at something else.
Confronting negative relationships and settling them
will give you a sense of satisfaction, even if the end goal or
common ground isn’t met. Doing all you can to save the
relationship or completely eliminate it from your life needs
to be done, no in between relationships. Our minds are
weighed down enough with the stress of everyday life and
responsibilities, adding a strained relationship into the
mix won’t end well even if it’s a friend you’ve known a few
months. We thrive off social interactions, even the humans
that prefer to be inside, away from everyone. There are
introverts out there who use their personality traits as an
excuse to stay away from society. Social anxiety is real and
catering to it by staying inside or avoiding social situations
is only going to make it worse. Everyone needs
relationships in their lives, even if they think that they
don’t. For the sake of sanity and a fulfilled life (sex life
included) build and maintain relationships with
individuals.
Love others how you would want to be loved, treat
others how you want to be treated. You may not receive the
same amount of reciprocation, but putting your all into
something gives you a reason to demand the same in
return, especially in relationships. Having fulfilling
relationships leads to a fulfilled sex life because you don’t

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have the added stress of broken relationships and you can

put your focus on your current relationship instead of
backtracking to broken relationships that you are
neglecting to reconcile. Matters like these that appear to be
trivial can add up to make a big impact on the positive
relationships in your life.

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Step 5 – Find What You

Desire
We all desire different things in relationships and in
sex. Some of us are confused about what we find desirable
or we think we know what we want and aren’t satisfied
when we get it. Desires go further than the bedroom, they
steer our life. Believe it or not, Kama Sutra only dedicates a
small portion to their book to actual sex and positioning,
the rest is about desire, lust, etc.
A lot of us think we desire a certain scenario in the
bedroom, such as an additional person, role playing or the
usage of toys while the other person only desires a single
individual, traditional sex. Whichever way you prefer to
have sex is fine, but attempting to combine the two and
expect to have a fulfilling sex life is foolish. Many of us find
someone and settle with their sexuality because we believe
we want to be with them and we “love” them. We sacrifice
our own desires to make the other individual happy or to
avoid seeming gluttonous. You can see, or choose to
ignore, the stressors that unbalanced sexuality and desires
can have on a relationship.
For example, you desire to have sex daily while your
partner prefers to have sex once or twice a week. One of
you has to compromise – and it's usually the one wanting
to have sex to most. So, while your partner is left satisfied
with their sex life, you are left unfulfilled. You may ignore
it for a while but eventually it will build up and cause
tension in the relationship. You will begin to argue more
and you will begin to resent your partner for not taking
care of your needs while they are continually having their
needs met. The frustration and stress of this will build up,
whether you want to believe it or not, and you will begin to
look towards other outlets to fulfill your desires.
If you are currently in a relationship where this sort of
imbalance exists, you as a couple needs to confront it head
on. Desire is a strong, strong emotion which can cloud

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your judgement and make you do things without thinking

them all the way through, possibly jeopardizing your
current relationship. If you want the relationship to work,
you both need to share the same or similar desires or you
need to communicate your imbalances and come to a
common ground. Unfortunately, relationships with this
type of imbalance often result in infidelity. To avoid this,
know what you desire from the beginning and look for that
when choosing a partner.
Finding your desires and expressing them to potential
partners can prevent the formation of a relationship with
an imbalance in each other’s sexual fulfillment. What is
also interesting in today’s society versus ancient society is
our beliefs on the origin of desire. You see, in modern day
society, most of us believe that we can only be with
someone and only desire someone attractive and a
reflection of what we deem to be attractive and desirable
whereas in ancient times, desire is believed to be
something you can teach yourself. You don’t simply have
desire for one another immediately, you create it instead.
This belief shows the difference in discipline from ancient
society versus modern day society where we have again,
fallen into the belief that things will just happen without
requiring we put in work. Relationships won’t simply work
out without work being put into them, this goes for nearly
everything in life. You don’t cut the grass, it will overgrow
and become unmanageable; if you don’t maintain your car,
it will breakdown on you prematurely. This same principle
applies to desire and relationships, nurture them and take
care of them and they will grow and blossom. Neglect them
and they will wither and die.
Desires can be created and eliminated; we are in control
of what we want.

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Step 6 – Experiment
This step is incredibly important, especially for couples
who are serious and are looking for some excitement in the
bedroom. Experimentation can be done during
intercourse, foreplay and/or masturbation. What is
interesting about experimentation in sex is that it’s
different for each individual. One person might consider
anal sex experimentation whereas the other individual sees
role playing as experimentation.
The importance of experimentation is not only to bring
more fulfillment into your sex life but also to bring more
excitement. It can be exciting to see what fantasies your
partner enjoys and learning this will bring you both closer
to one another. Several examples of experimentation can
be as follows; say, trying new sexual positions to enhance
pleasure, bringing toys into the bedroom or attempting
anal sex. As with any types of experimentation, it is
important to make sure both individuals are
understanding and willing to participate. Experimentation
should never be done if one of the individuals is
uncomfortable doing so.
For example, experimentation with anal sex should only
be done if both parties are ok with it. Although anal sex
can be highly pleasurable for both individuals, it also
comes with a great deal of risks for both parties involved.
Men are at risk for diseases if protection is not used and
women are even more at risk for diseases and injury to the
rectum and colon if the male is not gentle or the proper
amount of lubrication is not used. Speaking of lubrication,
there are many different types of lubrication that couples
can experiment with to get different effects and feelings.
There are certain lubricants that have an inviting or
arousing smell, while others are mild to unscented. There
are also lubricants that create different sensations such as
warming and cooling, some create an interesting effect
when combined to together. Experimenting with different
types of lubrication is a safe and fun way to add something

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new and interesting into the bedroom. Other sorts of

experimentation can be done with certain sexual positions,
but this will be discussed in the intercourse chapter.
Experimenting with different types of toys can be done
with both men and women. Believe it or not, men can use
sex toys during intercourse as well; they aren’t restricted to
females only. Items such as penis rings, butt plugs, nipple
clips and various other items can be used by the male
during sexual intercourse. For the woman, having a
vibrator to stimulate the clitoris can bring her to orgasm
along with dildos, butt plugs, lingerie, and nipple clips as
well. A lot of items that women use, men can use as well.
What is interesting about sex toys is that many people
don’t welcome the idea of introducing toys into the
bedroom because they are worried that the sex toy might
be seen as a replacement to their partner in some way.
This thought, although understandable, is silly in terms of
reality. A sex toy, although pleasurable, could never take
the place of another human being in the bedroom. Dildos
will never feel exactly like human penises and fake vaginas
and blow up dolls will never feel exactly like a human
vagina. These thoughts need to be pushed out of
individuals heads.
Often, people don’t experiment with one another
because they are worried about what their significant other
may think of them or they are embarrassed by what turns
them on. Many men enjoy being dominated whereas in
today’s society, the “norm” considers the male to be
dominating over the women. Men may be embarrassed to
express this fetish because they are worried their partner
will think they are less of a man – this is a good indicator
of how healthy a relationship is. Being able to
communicate and openly experiment with each other gives
way to an incredibly trusting and exciting relationship.
The Kama Sutra also explains different ways in which
you can experiment by hitting one another. Hitting can
involve gentle slapping, spanking and pinching. The direct
excerpt from the Kama Sutra states,

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“Loveblows add fuel to the fire of passion. The Kama

Sutra lists these blows as: the plain backhander, the
clenched fist, the open palm and the gathered hood. These
are to be given in special places like her shoulders, head,
back, sides, torso or in the cleft of her breasts. Of course,
one or all of these will inflict some degree of pain and she
will cry out in agony and ecstasy, making eight specific
type of sounds, which in turn will give you a clear
indication of how far you have succeeded in arousing her.
She’ll start exclaiming: ‘O! mother!’, ‘Let go!’, ‘Stop!’,
‘Leave me!’, ‘I’m dead! I’m dead! And even ‘Nice!’ or
‘More’. Finally sounds without words will spring from her
throat as she scales new heights of pleasure. Start slowly,
but do not hurt her unless she demands it.”

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 Kama Sutra

Step 7 – Oral Sex

Participate in oral sex. Give oral sex and receive oral
sex. Oral sex is important to a fulfilling sex life. One
complaint that is echoed all too often if that women don’t
receive the same amount of attention orally as men do.
Men are often expectant of a blow job (or at least some oral
play) prior to penetrative sex and sometimes even
afterwards as well. A lot of the time, the woman is left
completely unattended to, making her almost resentful
and angry at the man for being so seemingly selfish. The
fact of the matter is, oral sex is underperformed in a lot of
relationships and because of this, couples have a less than
fulfilling sex life.
A lot of men find the vagina to be intimidating and
confusing and because of this, they tend to stay away from
it in fear that they will embarrass themselves attempting to
please the woman or they won’t be able to find the clitoris
and help her achieve an orgasm. The vagina is complicated
but simple once it is figured out. What is interesting about
women is that their sex drive is not based on whether or
not oral sex – or sex in general, feels good. Sex for women
can’t simply be initiated by seeing a naked man. Women
need to be in the mood for sexual intercourse and need to
be aroused. Women are more “thinkers” than men so it
tends to be harder to become aroused than it is for males.
Men can look at a naked woman and become aroused;
different anatomy. Men are visual, women are more
thought based.
Oral sex for women can be done using a combination of
both fingers, tongue and will involve both sucking and
licking. One of the males first course of action prior to
attempting oral sex should be to look up the female
anatomy if you aren’t clear on where the clitoris is located.
For women, the clitoris shouldn’t be under stimulated or
overstimulated. Not giving the clitoris enough stimulation
won’t produce any enjoyment for the women and
overstimulation the clitoris can be overwhelming and

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 Joseph Lindberg

sometimes painful. In order to make sure you aren’t doing

either, place a finger inside the vagina and do the “come
here” motion with your finger. While doing this motion,
lightly suck on the clitoris and the labia, licking and kissing
other areas. She will guide you where she wants you and if
she doesn’t, tell her too. You will be able to see and hear
how she responds to certain techniques.
For women, performing oral sex on a male is simple but
needs to be done with passion. Men can tell when a woman
is performing oral sex and is less than interested. You can’t
expect to receive great oral sex if you can’t give great oral
sex in return. Depending on the size of the male’s shaft,
oral sex can be done by sucking on the man’s penis, going
from the head of the penis to the base of the shaft
(depending on the length of the male, sometimes you
won’t be able to reach the base of the shaft). If you can,
place your hand around his shaft and move in a twisting
motion while moving your mouth up and down the penis.
Kissing his inner thighs, lightly sucking on his testicles
and kissing around the genital region are all ways to help
him ejaculate. Some men have a difficult time ejaculating
from oral sex alone, so women shouldn’t take it to heart
when the male is unable to ejaculate and needs to finish
either on his own or during penetrative sex. There are
plenty of reasons why males have difficulty finishing
during oral sex, its usually because oral sex doesn’t feel the
same has a human vagina so ejaculation is more difficult
for them.
Not to say that oral sex from a female doesn’t feel
pleasurable, it is a different type of pleasure. Just like with
women, it can be difficult to achieve orgasm during oral
sex because it doesn’t feel the same as a penis. Men and
women are so critical on themselves when things don’t go
the way they predict them too in sexual encounters and
being hard on yourself can set the tone for future
encounters.

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 Kama Sutra

The Kama Sutra actually has several different oral sex

techniques that it states results in optimal pleasure. These
techniques are as follows:
The circling tongue, the tongue massage, sucked, sucked
up, stirring, sucked hard, the crow, touching, biting at the
sides, the outer pincers, the inner pincers, kissing, striking
at the tip, sucking a mango, and swallowed whole. Below
are the listed descriptions from the book of each of these
oral sex techniques.
Half of these techniques are for men and the other half
are for women, the following techniques are the techniques
for males to perform on females:
“With delicate fingertips, pinch the arched lips of her
house of love very very slowly together, and kiss them as
though you kissed her lower lip: this is "Adhara-
sphuritam" (The Quivering Kiss).
Now spread, indeed cleave asunder, that archway with
your nose and let your tongue gently probe her "yoni"
(vagina), with your nose, lips and chin slowly circling: it
becomes "Jihva-bhramanaka" (The Circling Tongue).
Let your tongue rest for a moment in the archway to
the flower-bowed Lord's temple before entering to
worship vigorously, causing her seed to flow: this is
"Jihva-mardita" (The Tongue Massage).
Next, fasten your lips to hers and take deep kisses from
this lovely one, your beloved, nibbling at her and sucking
hard at her clitoris: this is called "Chushita" (Sucked).
Cup, lift her young buttocks, let your tongue-tip probe
her navel, slither down to rotate skilfully in the archway
of the love-god's dwelling and lap her love-water: this is
"Uchchushita" (Sucked Up).
Stirring the root of her thighs, which her own hands
are gripping and holding widely apart, your fluted
tongue drinks at her sacred spring: this is "Kshobhaka"
(Stirring).
Place your darling on a couch, set her feet to your
shoulders, clasp her waist, suck hard and let your tongue

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 Joseph Lindberg

stir her overflowing love-temple: this is called

"Bahuchushita" (Sucked Hard).
If the pair of you lie side by side, facing opposite ways,
and kiss each other's secret parts using the fifteen
techniques described above, it is known as "Kakila" (The
Crow).”
The next techniques are to be performed by females on
their male partners:
“When your lover catches your penis in her hand and,
shaping her lips to an 'O', lays them lightly to its tip,
moving her head in tiny circles, this first step is called
"Nimitta" (Touching).
Next, grasping its head in her hand, she clamps her lips
tightly about the shaft, first on one side then the other,
taking great care that her teeth don't hurt you: this is
"Parshvatoddashta" (Biting at the Sides).
Now she takes the head of your penis gently between
her lips, by turns pressing, kissing it tenderly and pulling
at its soft skin: this is "Bahiha-samdansha" (the Outer
Pincers).
If next she allows the head to slide completely into her
mouth and presses the shaft firmly between her lips,
holding a moment before pulling away, it is "Antaha-
samdansha" (the Inner Pincers).
When, taking your penis in her hand and making her
lips very round, she presses fierce kisses along its whole
length, sucking as she would at your lower lip, it is called
"Chumbitaka" (Kissing).
If, while kissing, she lets her tongue flick all over your
penis and then, pointing it, strikes repeatedly at the
sensitive glans-tip, it becomes "Parimrshtaka" (Striking
at the Tip).
And now, fired by passion, she takes your penis deep
into her mouth, pulling upon it and sucking as vigorously
as though she were stripping clean a mango-stone: this is
"Amrachushita" (Sucking a Mango).
When she senses that your orgasm is imminent she
swallows up the whole penis, sucking and working upon

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it with lips and tongue until you spend: this is "Sangara"

(Swallowed Whole).”
Taken directly from the original book of Kama Sutra,
these techniques are renowned for their historically
effectiveness and pleasurable nature.

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 Joseph Lindberg

Step 8 – Other Forms Of

Foreplay
Foreplay, outside of oral sex, is a fun and interesting
way to help both parties reach climax and to learn more
about one another. Although this may seem like a category
that would go under experimentation, foreplay is done
prior to sexual intercourse and is done to heighten the
sexual encounter. Foreplay can be done using strictly oral
sex or can be done using a combination of oral sex and
other sexual techniques. What is interesting about foreplay
is how often it is blown off and ignored. Foreplay is
necessary for most women to be able to climax during
sexual intercourse. Foreplay, in Kama Sutra, isn’t
necessarily described as engaging is different sexual acts.
Foreplay is instead, seen as a way of attracting the woman
and drawing her closer to the man. As stated in Chapter X
of the Kama Sutra,

“In the pleasure room, decorated with flowers, and

fragrant with perfumes, attended by his friends and
servants, the citizen should receive the woman, who will
come bathed and dressed, and will invite her to take
refreshment and to drink freely. He should then seat her
on his left side, and holding her hair, and touching also the
end and knot of her garment, he should gently embrace
her with his right arm. They should then carry on an
amusing conversation on various subjects, and may also
talk suggestively of things which would be considered as
coarse, or not to be mentioned generally in society. They
may then sing, either with or without gesticulations, and
play on musical instruments, talk about the arts, and
persuade each other to drink. At last when the woman is
overcome with love and desire, the citizen should dismiss
the people that may be with him, giving them flowers,
ointments, and betel leaves, and then when the two are left

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alone, they should proceed as has been already described

in the previous chapters.”

Foreplay is seen as more of a conversation and

romanticism as opposed to touching one another sexually,
though this does come next. Foreplay is necessary and is
supposed to be seen as one of the most pleasurable aspects
of the entire act of sex. For anyone who believes foreplay to
be a chore or an annoyance is either not with the right
person or has never done it correctly. Foreplay is the walk
before the run, the icing on the cake and the sunrise to the
sunset. Sex can’t be fulfilling without the act of foreplay to
start it off. Women can’t expect to achieve orgasm without
the act of foreplay and a lot of times, men have a difficult
time getting an erection without foreplay.

Involving kissing, whispering, nudging and cuddling

while embracing one another will bring you both closer as
a couple while also giving you both an overwhelming sense
of sexual satisfaction and arousal. Kissing is one of the
most arousing acts individuals can engage in and should
be done by couples daily to maintain the feeling of
closeness and fondness of one another. Simple things,
foreplay being one of them, are too often overlooked
leading to detrimental relationship side effects.

Foreplay, as stated in the Kama Sutra, can also be done

by sitting with one another and chatting, building up the
sexual tension between one another. Sexual tension can be
an incredibly strong motivator to pleasure one another, so
building it up along with the anticipation can be enough to
send you both over the edge rather quickly into the act of
penetrative sex. As the Kama Sutra states,

“Females do not emit as males do. The males simply

remove their desire, while the females, from their
consciousness of desire, feel a certain kind of pleasure,
which gives them satisfaction, but it is impossible for them

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 Joseph Lindberg

to tell you what kind of pleasure they feel. The fact from
which this becomes evident is, that males, when engaged
in coition, cease of themselves after emission, but it is not
so with females.”

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Step 9 – The Act Of

Intercourse
Here we have it, the beast itself. Sexual intercourse is
what all this buildup surrounds. Sexual intercourse, the
grand finale to the party. This act is done for pleasure and
reproductive purposes, though the latter is more common
and done daily by some couples. Sexual intercourse is,
obviously, necessary for maintaining a healthy and
fulfilling sex life because without it, your sex life wouldn’t
exist at all. Many people who engage in regular sexual
intercourse, still remain sexually unfulfilled because the
lack of quality in each sexual encounter. Sex needs to be
changed up and recharged every once in a while. Doing the
same positions and mumbling the same dirty phrases will
get old, even if you choose to ignore the fact.

In order to avoid you or your loved one from becoming

stagnant in the bedroom, each of you can take matters into
your own hands by attempting to spice up intercourse and
try new things. A common complaint from couples
engaging in regular sexual intercourse is the lack of variety
in the sexual positions. Couples often engage in the same
two or three sexual positions that they both are
comfortable with and alternate between them regularly.
The issue with this is that there are hundreds of sexual
positions.

Granted, some of the sexual positions vary only slightly

from the other, but the reason they are considered a
different position is because different muscles are engaged
and different feelings and nerves may be stimulated.
Determining a new sexual position isn’t as simple as
writing one down and claiming it to be a new position.
Sexual positions can be introduced slowly into intercourse
by transitioning from one position to another or couples

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 Joseph Lindberg

can “grab the bull by the horns” and try out a bunch of new
sexual positions at once.

You don’t need to be in stellar shape to be able to

perform most sexual positions, so refraining from
experimentation simply out of fear you won’t have the
stamina for the position is silly. All sexual positions can be
altered and adjusted according to physical physique.
Intercourse can be done either romantically or rough (or a
combination of both). Most sex starts off slow and gentle
before taking on a rougher feel, simply because things
begin to heat up and once the friction starts to build the
euphoric pleasure can be unbearable. Before performing
any type of rough sex, discuss it with one another so you
both are on the same page. Sexual intercourse leaves you
both in a very vulnerable state and taking advantage of one
another during this time, even if it is unintentional, can
leave lasting emotional scars. Because of the added health
benefits from the endorphin release. Having sex daily can
cause you both to get bored with one another more quickly
while also cause frictional injury to the vagina wall, labia
minora, and even the shaft of the penis. Aside from
physical, frictional damage, emotionally sex may begin to
feel as more of a chore than an actual romantic endeavor.
Sexual intercourse brings the couple together and
strengthens your bond with one another so making sure
that each and every time you engage in sexual intercourse
it’s romantic, enjoyable and pleasurable experience.

Kama Sutra has a myriad of sexual positions for couples

to try. There are different positions that focus more on
finding the females G-spot and deep penetration whereas
other positions focus on stimulating the clitoris while also
providing a pleasurable view for the man and easy access
to other parts of the female body. Sex shouldn’t simply be
able penetration but should also involve kissing, rubbing
and speaking with one another. Touching areas of the
woman including her breast, buttocks, lower back and

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 Kama Sutra

neck while also kissing her can be highly arousing. The

woman can stroke the man’s neck, buttocks and shaft
while also kissing. There are many ways to make the act of
intercourse even more enjoyable than the simple act itself
is. Taking the time to communicate with one another
about what the other likes, wants and desires can be the
difference between an enjoyable sexual experience and a
boring and undesirable sexual experience.

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 Joseph Lindberg

Conclusion
Finding and maintaining a fulfilling sexual life can be
difficult and overwhelming but it is possible if you follow
the steps outlined in this book. The Kama Sutra is
historically known for being all encompassing and
accurate in terms of what men and women want inside and
outside of the bedroom; whether or not this still reflects
modern day, American beliefs has yet to be confirmed,
though a lot of its contents still ring true today. With this
book, you should not only be able to begin your path
toward sexual fulfillment, but be able to create an outline
or a guide to help you along the way and to keep track of
the measures you have taken towards your change. In this
book we discussed the importance of step 1: gaining
confidence, and how important confidence is to gaining a
fulfilling sex life. If you don’t have confidence in yourself
and your own ability to please, you can’t expect to satisfy
your partner. Confidence is important in finding the
fulfillment you seek and the sex life you desire.

Step 2 discussed diet and how a healthy eating plan can

lead to a better sex life. The chapter also discussed the
different types of foods and spices that are meant to be
aphrodisiacs and when you should consume them for
maximum effect. Taking care of your body in terms of
healthy eating is important in your performance in the
bedroom. Being unable to pleasure the other person
because you are out of shape and lack the flexibility and
stamina can be embarrassing.

Step 3 talks about masturbation and how important it is

for a healthy and fulfilling sex life. The chapter also
discussed the benefits of masturbation and how it can
positively affect your sexual encounters. Also in the
chapter, were various stigmas surrounding masturbation
and how some individuals and religions frown upon self-

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pleasure. Regardless of belief, masturbation can help men

last longer in the bedroom, can help women achieve climax
during intercourse and can help you learn more about your
body on your own without the pressure of someone else.

Step 4 went over the importance of relationships in your

life and how they reflect yourself and your future
relationships. Relationships meaning family, friends,
sexual and work related. All relationships, broken or
strong, affect the individual either positively or negatively.
Negative relationships can cause strain on an individual
that can ripple throughout other aspects of the individual’s
life, including romantic relationships. Being able to handle
different types of relationships and either end them or
mend them can prove to your significant other and
yourself that you are in control of your life and who is in it.
Being the social beings that we are, even if we don’t realize
we are social, we need to have relationships in our life.
Whether these relationships are strictly with family or a
handful of friends, we need interaction for our wellbeing.
This chapter goes I depth with these relationships.

Step 5 goes over your desires and how to find out what
exactly you desire. The Kama Sutra states that we are in
control of what we desire whereas nowadays we believe
that desire will come to us when we find the right person.
Regardless of what we believe, we need to know what we
desire out of a relationship sexually. If you desire to have
sexual intercourse daily whereas your partner prefers once
or twice a week, these desires need to be communicated of
the relationship is doomed from the start.

Step 6 describes how couples should experiment with

other forms of intercourse and techniques. Whether these
experiences be anal sex, oral sex, inviting more people into
the bedroom, the introduction of toys, role playing, etc. –
experimenting is recommended in the bedroom to keep
things exciting and to keep each other satisfied when

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 Joseph Lindberg

things start to become redundant. Due to the high

likelihood that long term couples will become stagnant in
the bedroom, experimenting gives you both the comfort of
trying new things and seeing what the other person finds
desirable and what the other doesn’t.

Step 7 talks about oral sex and the importance of

participating in oral sex for both the male and females.
Many females lack the reciprocation of oral sex from the
male for a multitude of reasons, this chapter describes
some of those reasons and why the issue is so prevalent.
The chapter also talks about why it is so important that
both parties equally perform oral sex on one another.

Step 8 goes over foreplay and other forms of foreplay.

Foreplay is often overlooked and seen as almost a pain.
Most couples nowadays like to go right to the finale;
intercourse itself. What a lot of men don’t realize is how
difficult it is for a woman to climax without foreplay and
clitoral stimulation. This chapter goes over pleasuring a
woman during foreplay using several different techniques
and compliments the previous chapter on the importance
of oral sex and the different techniques described in the
chapter.

The final step, step 9, talks about the act of intercourse

itself. Intercourse can be a cold, emotionless act if done
without a combination of foreplay, oral sex and other
actions or it can be one of the most pleasurable
experiences of individuals lives. Sexual intercourse is the
finale, the buildup, the dessert of the meal – it should be
regarded as such. This step talks about how, if done too
often, sexual intercourse can lose its desire and excitement
and become almost like a chore. Keeping your sex life
unpredictable, exciting and full of new ideas is the key to
having a fulfilling and pleasurable sex life.

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The Kama Sutra has a lot of relevant and interesting

quotes throughout, relating to modern day society while
also incorporating mostly ancient theories and techniques.
Most of the outdated techniques are the views on women
in the society and how the male has most of the control
over the woman, if she strays, and how to make sure she
keeps the man happy. As far as the sexual positions and
oral sex techniques, the Kama Sutra has a very modern
approach, a lot of which is still practiced today in
bedrooms all across America and the developed world.
What is interesting about the Kama Sutra is the emphasis
on control. We all have the ability to control our lives yet
so many of us believe things to be out of our control. Take
control and follow these nine steps to gain the sexual
fulfillment you so desire.

“Life necessitates three kinds of activity: to assure its

survival, its means of existence, and its nourishment; to
realize its reproduction according to forms of activity
generally connected with sexuality; and, lastly, to establish
rules of behavior that allow different individuals to
perform their roles within the framework of the species. In
human society, this is represented as three necessities,
three aims of life: material goods (artha) assure survival;
erotic practice (kama) assures the transmission of life; and
rules of behavior, a moral nature (dharma), assure the
cohesion and duration of the species. (The Complete Kama
Sutra, translated by Alain Danielou, 1994)”

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